Title: Maybe Only I Dream
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Ryan Wolfe
Fandom: CSI: Vegas/CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Ryan Wolfe, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Ryan lay awake long after Greg had fallen asleep, staring up at the ceiling, almost afraid to close his eyes and let himself dream. If he did, he was sure that his dreams would turn into nightmares; they had been all too near the surface lately.

Every time he fell asleep, those nightmares assailed him, teeth and claws extended, ready to rip him to shreds. And those nightmares weren't just the memories of what had been done to him when the Cuban mob had kidnapped him; those horrors now involved Greg.

He knew that they were dreams, that what his mind conjured up wasn't real. But his subconscious mind kept those horrible dreams intact, dredging them up in the hours when he should be relaxing in sleep. They were making it impossible for him to get any rest.

He was just glad that Greg didn't seem to have any of those kinds of dreams, he told himself, looking down at the man sleeping so peacefully within the circle of his arms. Greg's head was resting on his chest, his breathing steady and even, a small smile on his lips.

If those dreams started to plague Greg, then they'd really be in trouble, Ryan thought, his lips twisting in a wry parody of a smile. That was all they needed, to have both of them incapacitated by those bad dreams. Greg had enough to deal with.

Wasn't it enough that they both had dreams from their respective pasts coming back to haunt them? he thought with an inward sigh. Neither of them needed this new threat, but now that it had been thrust upon them, they had to try to deal with it.

Ryan didn't want his nightmares to touch Greg; if they did, then his boyfriend would be even more caught up in this than he already was. If Greg began to be plagued by similar dreams, he would feel horribly guilty, as though he'd thrust even more problems onto his lover.

Greg already had enough bad dreams to deal with. And his had been going on for far longer than Ryan's had; it was still hard to believe that he'd kept his rape a secret from everyone around him for over ten years. He'd been so strong not to crack under that pressure.

He could relate to the kind of dreams that Greg had; his own were similar, though they hadn't had as long to grow and ferment within his mind. And somehow, he didn't feel that what had been done to him was nearly as bad as what Greg had been through.

He had been raped with an object, not by a person. What had been done to him was bad enough, but Ryan felt that Greg's sense of violation went far deeper than his own. After all, Greg had been dating the man who had raped him. Greg had trusted his rapist.

He himself had done nothing of the sort. He had been violated by someone who was a sworn enemy, the leader of a Cuban gang. He had been violated by a criminal -- and he had taken the attitude that what had been done to him was one of the dangers he faced in his job.

Greg's nightmares were far different from his own, but Ryan couldn't help thinking that they were even more debilitating. And Greg had been dealing with his nightmares for so long; Ryan didn't want to think of how they might have built up in his mind.

Maybe he was the only one who was still having unsettling dreams. Greg's seemed to have stopped, ever since the first time they made love. That hadn't been so long ago, but none of those nightmares had kept Greg awake at night since then.

If he had been the catalyst to send his boyfriend's nightmares away for good, then Ryan was glad of it. He just didn't want to add any more frightening dreams to Greg's nights -- especially not the kind of dreams that he himself was awakened by on an almost nightly basis.

Fortunately, he had managed not to wake Greg with any tossing and turning, or worse, screaming. He'd awakened so many times with his heart in his throat, a scream building, but never quite reaching the surface to explode into sound.

He would simply lie there after he'd awakened, unable to go back to sleep, watching as the sun sank and he could see streaks of color in the sky beyond the drawn blinds. Then he would usually manage to sleep for a couple of hours, before Greg woke him up.

Greg never questioned why he seemed to sleep so much, and he deliberately didn't tell his boyfriend that he'd lain awake for hours, unable to lose himself in a peaceful dreamland. Dreams had only the most terrifying connotations for him now.

Ryan sighed softly, raising a hand to absently stroke Greg's hair. He wasn't lying to his boyfriend; he was simply leaving something out of what he told Greg. He should probably come clean and admit that his nightmares were keeping him awake; Greg deserved to know.

But would it be better for him not to know? If he wasn't having any bad dreams of his own, did Ryan have the right to introduce thoughts to him that might lead to even more disturbing dreams than the ones that haunted him out of his own past?

He wasn't entirely sure of what he should do -- but for the moment, he was going to keep quiet. He didn't want to disturb Greg's peaceful rest; if he was the only one of them having dreams that kept him awake when he should be sleeping, then so much the better.

Better just one of them than both of them, Ryan told himself wryly. He closed his eyes, then opened them again, not seeing the ceiling that he was staring up at. Instead, he could see the mocking smile on the face of the man who had tortured him.

It was the same smile that he'd worn on the day when Ryan had spotted him in the crowd at that crime scene and had given chase. A smile that said he held all the cards, and that Ryan would discover soon enough why he was here and what he was after.

Maybe only he had dreams that kept him wide awake, dreams that made him terrified to seek the peace and quiet of sleep. Maybe only he had to deal with nightmares that weren't so much dreams as memory, and a fear of the future that kept him from talking about them.

His fear wasn't for himself -- it was for Greg. So many of his dreams had revolved around Greg, around the things that could happen to him if Ryan's nemesis found out that Greg was his lover. He was terrified that some harm would come to Greg because of him.

He wouldn't let that happen, Ryan told himself fiercely, his arms tightening around his sleeping lover. He wouldn't let anything happen to Greg. And now that the rest of the team knew that a member of the Cuban mob was in Vegas, they would be more vigilant, too.

Everyone was on the lookout for this guy. They were all closing ranks to protect Greg -- and to protect him, as well. This team was a lot closer to him than the one in Miami had ever been, even though he'd only been with them for a relatively short time.

Maybe it was because he was partnered with Greg, and everyone on this team seemed to respect Greg, even to care about him as a friend outside of work. It hadn't been that way with the Miami team. They had gone their separate ways most of the time when they weren't working.

Except for the ones who had been sleeping together, he thought with another wry smile. Funny how it was okay for them to do whatever they wanted when they were off-duty, but here, that was strictly prohibited. It didn't seem fair to have such different sets of rules.

They might have to hide their relationship because of those rules, but Ryan was sure that there would come a time when he and Greg could be out in the open and not have to worry about what other people thought of them. That day couldn't come soon enough to suit him.

It would be a terrific day when he could dream about Greg, and how much he loved his boyfriend, rather than having those horrible dreams from an event in his past that he still wasn't over haunt his nights. And now, with this new threat, his dreams were even more disturbing.

But at least Greg didn't seem to be suffering from those kinds of dreams, which was a good thing, Ryan thought as he let his hand move down his lover's side to rest on his bare hip. He was just glad that one of them was able to sleep peacefully.

Sighing aloud this time, Ryan closed his eyes and snuggled under the covers next to Greg, determined that he would manage to get some sleep. Maybe only he had such disturbing dreams, but if he was lucky, he would make it through the rest of the night without any of them coming to him.

***