Title: Pain
By: Rayneshower
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: R
Warnings: self harm
Spoilers: Slight spoliers for Play With Fire and other assorted episodes.
Summary: Pain is a funny thing. Warnings for self harm. Told from Greg's point of view. I do not condone self harm or mutilation of any kind. It is unhealthy and dangerous.

***

Pain is a funny thing.

Well, maybe funny isn't the right word. But it's the first thing that came to my mind. Other things that come to mind are cleansing. Relief. Suffering. Depression. Release. It can condtradict itself. It does all the time and I think I'm one of the few people that realizes that.

I guess it depends on the kind of pain. There's physical pain, of course. Things like burning flesh, glass embedded in your skin. Absolute agony. That is severe pain, pain that scorches itself into your mind, body, soul, until you can't forget it. Ever. A paper cut? Annoying, maybe. The worst kind of pain? I think not. Far from it in fact. I think I would know after all.

But then there's emotional pain. You know, the kind some people say is all in your head? And that others claim is worse than the bloodiest wound? It depends. Being traumatized as a child is painful. "Scars you for life", or so they say. Traumatizationon the whole is a pretty ugly thing, no matter when it happens. Unrequited love is another version of emotional pain. Makes your heart ache. I hate that pain a lot, mostly because I'm very familiar with it. There are other kinds, most of which I've experienced, but I'd rather not talk about that right now.

No.

I'd much rather talk about my favorite kind of pain. Sharp, quick, biting pain. The pain when I draw the blades across my skin. Sometimes I do it quickly, sometimes slow and long-suffering. The pain that heals, that eases the pain of the day. Erases some of the pain. The pain of seeing another bloody body, another kid that lost someone. The pain of seeing Nick in the halls, hearing Nick, talking to Nick, and knowing I can never have him at the same time.

The pain of nightmares is quite the opposite of my favorite kind of pain. It undoes everything that the cutting helps with.

But pain is funny like that. 'Cause pain is a funny thing.

***