Title: Pain
Author: MLissagirl
Fandoms: NCIS/CSI:NY
Pairings: Nick/Greg
Rating:R
Disclaimer: All characters are not mine and no money is being made.
Warning: Self harm!! Summary: Greg is not feeling so good anymore.

***

"Hey Greg. You paged me?" Nick said.


"Hey, yeah uh... the DNA from your suspect is not a match to the DNA from the scene, sorry." Greg sighed, handing Nick his results and turned back to his work again.


"Damn! Hey you okay?" Nick asked worried about the depressed look on Greg's face.


"Peachy." Greg replied, not looking up.


"Uh... somehow I find it a little hard to believe Greggo, what's wrong?" Nick continued.


"I'm fine, just busy." Greg said curt. Nick grabbed the chair Greg was sitting on and turned it around so he was facing Nick.


"Look at me Greg." Nick said firmly when the lab tech refused to look up. He didn't move. Nick forced Greg to look at him and gasped. He saw tears forming in his friends eyes.


"Greg..." Nick started.


"It's nothing, just a bad day!" Greg shoved Nick away and stood up.


"It's more than that Greg!" Nick got angry now and grabbed Greg's arm. He saw Greg wincing.


"Something with your arm?" Nick asked.


"I'm fine, my arm's fine, now please leave." Greg yelled and actually kicked Nick out. Nick looked very angry but left.


When Nick came storming in the break room he got a suspicious glance from Catherine.


"Nick? Everything okay?" she asked carefully.


"I am, but Greg isn't!" Nick said, still angry.


"Oh boy, what did he do now?" Catherine sighed.


"It's not that; I think he's hiding something." Nick sighed sitting down on the couch next to her. Somehow it feel like he already knows what's going on with Greg.


"You noticed it too huh?" Catherine asked.


"What..."


"He's very snappy today and when I asked him about it he said that he would page me if the results were ready; he kicked me out." Catherine explained.


"He kicked me out too." Nick sighed. "I'm gonna talk to him after shift." Nick decided.


"Good luck!" she said and walked out. Nick sighed.


*********************************************************************************************************************************


Shift never seemed that long and Nick was glad he could go home. He walked towards the locker room and heard someone sobbing. He peeked around the corner and saw Greg sitting on the bench clutching a razorblade which he rapidly moved over his arm. His arms were already full with older scares and blood came flooding out of the ones he just made.


"My God Greg! What the hell are you doing!" Nick said, stepping in the room. Greg stared at him and put his razor in a box and put it away in his bag.


Greg just sighed and wiped his eyes.


Nick opened his locker and pulled a first aid kit out. He sat down next to Greg and took his arm. He gently began dabbing the wounds.


"Why Greg, why?" Nick whispered.


"It makes me feel good." Greg hissed.


"When did you begin?" Nick said patiently. Greg just turned away.


"Greg, tell me! I can't remember you having scars...oh! No...no no no! Why Greg?!" Nick yelled.


"It makes..." Greg began.


"No, the truth Greg!!" Nick was furious now.


"You wanna know why! Because I had to feel something Nick! I had to feel something!" Greg now screamed and stood up.


"When you left me, when you walked out that door, you took my heart and soul with you. I'm empty now." Greg whispered and left, pulling his sleeve down as he went. Nick was left alone with tears in his eyes.


'What have I done?' Nick thought and got up. He took his stuff and went home.

***

Nick tossed and turned in his bed, not being able to sleep. He got out of bed and sat on the couch, thinking about Greg. He couldn't stop thinking about Greg's expression when he told Nick he felt empty. Greg's eyes had lost their sparkle. Nick thought back at that day they broke up.


"I need to talk to you Greg." Nick was very serious.


"Sure Nicky, what is it?" Greg asked worried.


"I can't do this anymore. I don't think I can go on with this relationship Greg." Nick said with tears in his eyes.


"What! No Nicky, why? Did I do something wrong, because if I did, tell me and I'll fix it! Please Nick I need you, I love you, please!" Greg begged, tears streaming down his face. He took Nick's hands but he pulled away.


"No Greg; you didn't do anything wrong. You are the most wonderful person I've ever met. It's just..." Nick hated himself for what he was gonna say. "I don't think I love you anymore." Nick said softly.


Nick knew he was lying and felt awful. He just needed to get out. He didn'tkow why but he had to get away.


"You don't love me anymore? Then why did you tell me you did, every single day!!" Greg yelled.


"Because I meant it! I meant everything I said to you but now... I'm scared." Nick sighed


"Scared? Why? Can't we just talk about this?" Greg pleaded.


"No we can't. I just don't want to hurt you anymore and all we do is fight now." Nick said.


"You don't want to hurt me!? What the hell do you think you're doing now?" Greg yelled.


"I'm sorry. It's better this way." Nick said and he walked towards the door.


"Nick please, don't do this." Greg cried.


"I'm so sorry." Nick whispered and left. When he closed the door behind him, he heard Greg scream and Nick's heart broke. He wanted to get back in again but knew he shouldn't.


After he left, Nick took a week off and went to see his parents. He needed to get away from this. Greg had tried to call him while he was there but he never answered. He just couldn't.
When Nick was back in the lab again he heard that Greg took the week off. And when he was back, things started to get out of hand. Even Grissom noticed the hostility between them.


So Warrick and Catherine took them apart and they were practically held hostage by them till they explained what was going on. Nick had told the whole story and Greg was silent except for the few harsh comments. They ended up screaming at each other and Warrick and Catherine practically had to keep them from attacking each other.


After they were both taken to separate rooms to cool down, Nick had felt guilty but Greg was still angry. Eventually they both agreed upon a truce. This truce lasted for 3 months now. They did their job and managed to be nice to each other. For Nick it seemed like they were slowly getting to a friendly level again. Without pretending that is. He thought it was the same for Greg. Apparently he was wrong.


Nick sighed. 'I need to talk to him about this mess.' Nick got up and dressed. Within 30 minutes he was parked outside Greg's apartment. He knew Greg wasn't asleep because the lights were on. He took a deep breath and walked to the door and knocked.

***

Finally after what seemed like forever the door opened and Greg stepped back, letting him in.


"What do you want Nick?" Greg sighed, sitting back on the couch. Nick noticed the empty beer bottles and eyed Greg worriedly.


"I don't know Greg. I just hate to see you hurt yourself."


"It's non of your fucking busniss, you don't get to care for me anymore." Greg growled.


"I don't need your permission to care for you Greg, I just do. I want to help you." Nick was desperate now.


"You can't help me Nick, not anymore. It's too late." Greg stood up and took something out of a drawer.


"Here read it and then get out!" Greg threw the little book in Nick's lap and disapeared to his bedroom. Nick opened the book and gasped at the sight of the -what seemed to be- in blood written words.


Fingerprints on the blade
Blood around the edges
Reminds me of what I do
Of what I really am


I can't control myself anymore
I wish I was dead every single day
My blood is not enough
The pain still exists


Nick couldn't believe what he was reading. He never guessed Greg felt this way.


Blades are littering my home
Every day I feel so alone
My cuts are getting deeper
More and more blood is flowing out


I don't trust myself
For what I do to me
I don't trust others
Because they don't know me


It's my sweet safety
The only one I have left
The only thing I'm in control of
I don't want to throw my safety away


Safety. Greg used to be safe with Nick. He began to realize the mistake he had made. The biggest in his life.


I hate myself for what I do
For what I may cause
I don't trust me
So why should you?


I desperately try to hide the real me
But it's getting harder, don't you see?
I want to feel alive again
I just don't know how anymore


You took it al away...


Nick couldn't control his tears anymore and he slowly sank down on the couch.


My blood reminds me of the life I once had
My blood reminds me of what I've lost
My blood is soothing me
My blood makes me cry


I'll never be safe again
It's just a temporary solution
My hopes and dreams are gone
The minute my blood is flowing again.


It's too late for me to be saved now...


Nick couldn't take it anymore. He threw the book on the floor and ran towards the bedroom. He saw Greg sitting on the edge of the bed and couldn't help but notice how miserable he looked.


"Please tell me I'm not too late?" Nick whispered.

***

"What do you care? You lost the right to." Greg hissed.


"Stop saying that Greg! I don't care whether or not I have the right to care for you! Point is I do. Lock me up forever if you want but I'll never stop caring for you." Nick said firmly.


"Seems to me you already did, remember?"


"We broke up Greg. Doesn't mean I stopped caring for you."


"No Nicolas. YOU broke us up, not me. You didn't seem so caring about my feelings back then. Why should I trust you?"


"You're right. You don't have any reason for trusting me. But remember the reason I gave when you asked why I wanted to break up?"


"Yeah, you where 'scared.' You know just as well as I do, that it was complete BS."


"Greg, I was scared. I never had a relationship like that. You where so loving and I was so afraid of the feelings I had for you. They where stronger than anything I've ever felt before. It scared the hell out of me."


"If that is all true, then why didn't you just talk to me about it. I would have understood. I thought you trusted me Nick." Greg sighed tiredly.


"I did. I still do. I was just..."


"Scared. I know. I've always been taught that everyone deserves a second chance. But with the way you just discarded my feelings, I don't know if I can give you one that easily."


"But I want that second chance. I need it. I will do everything to show you that I am worthy of a second change." Nick begged.


"Why would I give you one?"


"Because I love you." Nick stated firmly.


"Again or still?" Greg was not one to be easily persuaded.


"Still." Nick kept looking Greg in the eye to show him that he was serious about this.


"Do you trust me?"


"Yes! What's with the third degree?"


"My mother loved me. She left my dad and me when I was six. My dad loved me. He died and left me when I was 15. You loved me, you left me. See my point?" Greg replied icily. He sighed and stood up. He slowly walked over to Nick and stopped, only inches between them.


"Show me you're different. Promise me you come to me whenever you feel like walking out again. Trust me. Just trust me and love me." Nick nodded.


"I promise. And loving you isn't that difficult you know." Nick smiled.


"Now give me a kiss." Greg smirked and Nick happily obliged.


THE END

***