Title: Subverting Paradigms
By: assette
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Rating: R
Summary: Grissom helps Nick deal with the aftermath of the being stalked by Nigel Crane.

***

Nick stood inside the observation room watching the officers take Nigel Crane to his cell. This part of the terror was over, Nigel would go to jail, and he would, what, go on with his life? He couldn't go home, didn't even want to call it that anymore. He could go to his locker, pick up the change of clothes there, maybe get a hotel room, he supposed he could sleep in the break room; no one would fault him for that right? Only his ribs were killing him already and he didn't think they could handle sleeping on the cramped couch, besides he was off for the rest of the week, it would look pretty weird for him to hang out at the lab for a whole week when he wasn't allowed to work. He was momentarily overwhelmed, he needed to look for a new place, get his stuff from his townhouse. The thought of going back there made him feel ill, and he wasn't sure he even wanted any of the things there knowing Nigel had touched them. Well one thing was for sure; he couldn't stand here all night. He would go on, he had to, one day at a time.

He forced himself not to think what tomorrow would bring, right now all he needed to concentrate on was getting out of this room, once he was in the hall he could worry about getting his clothes from his locker. He pried his eyes from the two-way glass and looked to the door. It wasn't as hard as he was expecting to walk there. He opened it slowly, but didn't make it over the threshold. Grissom was standing just outside with his back to the door, staring at the opposite wall. Nick approached him slowly, following his boss's gaze to the far wall, expecting to see something fascinating, only he didn't notice anything out of place at all. He looked up to Grissom's face, the man looked exhausted.

"Would you like a ride Nick?"

Grissom still hadn't looked from the spot on the wall, Nick was surprised he had even noticed him standing beside him. He didn't have to think long on the answer to that question, Brass had driven him here, he didn't have his car and wasn't sure he should be driving while on vicodin anyway. He supposed he could call a cab, but he didn't really feel like being trapped in a moving vehicle with a stranger right now. "Yes."

Grissom turned and started walking towards the exit. "I need to pick up some stuff from my locker first, if that's okay." Grissom didn't look back at him, but changed his course. Nick walked a little faster to catch up. He swiped a paper sack on his way to the locker room. He didn't waste anytime with folding, just shoved the spare clothes into the sack. He paused then grabbed his toiletries too. He wasn't sure what he would need since he hadn't decided where he was going yet. He swung the locker shut with a resounding thud, it seemed obscenely loud to his ears, in the weighted silence. Silence around Grissom was always a tangible thing, but tonight it didn't seem tinged with anxiety. Grissom wasn't testing him, there was no riddle to decipher; he was just quiet, watching him. The thought sent a chill down Nick's spine. Usually being the center of Grissom's intense focus was a welcome and heady thing, but tonight it just reminded him of Nigel, made him feel worn out, bone tired.

The trip to Grissom's SUV was equally quiet. Nick climbed in slowly, minding his injured ribs. He sank back into the leather seat with a sigh and closed his eyes. Grissom looked him over briefly then started the car and backed out, he didn't turn the radio on. Nick didn't bother speaking up; he didn't really care where they went, as long as it wasn't back to his place. Grissom hadn't asked where he wanted to be dropped, Nick figured the man knew where he was going to take him before he ever asked if Nick wanted a ride. Nick felt surprisingly calm, almost sleepy. Safe Nick, that's what you're feeling. He didn't want to analyze his feelings too closely, knew that would only lead him down a painful road and he didn't have the strength for it right now. Didn't have the strength to fight it either. He loved the man even knowing Grissom didn't, probably wasn't capable of, returning his feelings, but he needed that connection right now. Needed it to ground him, to help him re-center himself. He could feel the tension in his shoulders from the night's events leeching out of him and into the cavernous silence that encompassed the SUV.

He didn't think he'd fallen asleep, but he couldn't be sure. The drive had seemed to pass too quickly. When he opened his eyes, he recognized this place; this was Grissom's house. Well that, that was unexpected, but when he thought it over, definitely not unwelcome. Grissom was the most observant person he knew, he would notice if something was going on, if someone was in his house. Nick didn't feel happy exactly, more relieved than anything else, that Grissom had taken the decision out of his hands, he no longer had to worry about where he was going to go, he was already there. Getting to stay with Grissom would perhaps distract him from his own worries right now.

He turned his head to look at Grissom, the man was already looking at him intently, waiting for an argument, a complaint perhaps about their destination. When none were voiced, Grissom simply nodded and climbed out of the SUV. Nick took his paper sack of clothes and followed the man to the front door. Grissom hesitated again, with his keys in hand, before unlocking and opening the door. Nick got the feeling that this, what was happening right now was important, that he should be paying attention. Grissom unlocked the door and stepped inside in a fluid movement, he turned and looked at Nick again once he had crossed the threshold. Nick was a little stunned, so this it was it felt like, to be invited in. He tried to shake the feeling off, Grissom had just opened the door, not the floodgates to his soul, but the sensation remained. Whatever Grissom was offering him here or allowing him to take, it was important. He tried for a smile, wanted to communicate that he understood what was going on, even though he didn't, not fully. But he knew Grissom was a very private man, that he didn't just let people into his home, into his life.

Nick entered, walking just past Grissom into what he could only call the foyer, even though there was nothing to separate it from the living room and dining area, only an island separated it from the kitchen. Grissom shut the door behind them then toed off his shoes and tossed his keys onto a small table standing near the door. Nick followed suit, when in Rome after all, and removed his own shoes. He went to remove his jacket as well and was surprised when Grissom took hold of the sleeve and helped him get it over his injured arm. Grissom hung up their coats in a small closet, but made no move to leave the entryway. Nick felt relieved suddenly and a real smile lit up his face, he looked down to his socked feet. Maybe Grissom wasn't all knowing after all, he was clearly deciding what to do next, maybe he hadn't really expected Nick to follow, hadn't thought they would come this far.

Grissom let out a breath when Nick smiled. "Would you like something to drink," he asked as he began walking to the kitchen. Nick wandered farther into the room. "Don't bother asking for beer, you're still on meds."

Nick chuckled quietly, "Juice would be good, or ice tea if you have it." Grissom removed a container of orange juice from the barren fridge. It looked a lot like Nick's actually, drinks and condiments, but no real food. He poured Nick a glass and handed it to him, then seemed content to stand there and watch Nick drink it. Nick fished his pills out of his pocket and downed one with the juice. He drank it too quickly then had nothing to do with his hands, nothing to distract him from Grissom's gaze. Grissom looked like he was processing a scene or playing with one of his experiments, and maybe that's what this was. Grissom experimenting, testing boundaries by releasing a skittish animal into his home, just waiting to see what would happen. Nick clenched his jaw and set the glass on the counter, he didn't like the analogy, even though he made it up himself.

Grissom startled him out of his reverie. "Walk with me Nicky." Grissom pulled out his flashlight and made his way around the counter. Nick took a deep breath and let it out slowly. So it begins; he can feel a lecture coming on. Nick follows him back to the front door; Grissom switches on all of the lights, then unlocks and relocks the door. Nick is confused but knows better than to ask questions, Grissom is just getting started. He starts counting backwards from ten in his head, before he gets to six the lecture begins, and he has to smile and congratulate himself silently.

"Nigel Crane scares the hell out of me." Well that wasn't what he was expecting, and certainly wasn't reassuring. Grissom moved from the door to the front window, he unlatched and re-latched it then closed the blinds and drew the curtains. Nick started really hoping that Grissom wasn't gonna crack up on him, he didn't think he could handle anymore excitement in one day.

"But I am grateful to him, he taught me a valuable lesson." Nick wanted to ask what it was, hurry this thing along, but resigned himself to going at whatever pace Grissom set. Fighting it would only wear him out more and certainly wouldn't deter the man from saying his peace. Grissom moved to the next window and repeated the check; unlock, lock, draw the blinds, close the curtains, shut out the world.

"I analyze the victims, when everyone else sympathizes, but you, you empathize with them, with all of them." Great, so he was gonna get the riot act over this again, like he didn't already know that he got too emotionally involved in his work. He just wasn't capable of separating the two.

"We walk into a scene together and find a dead daughter, found by her mother. I see a body and evidence, things I can analyze, that I can understand." Nick was having a hard time keeping up, wherever this was headed, the road was windy. "I am no ones father, I have no children, and can't imagine what loosing a child would feel like; I can't put myself in their place." He moved to check a vent, squatting down and shining his flashlight inside. "You are no ones father, that I know of," a quick glance up and Nick and a small smile, "but you have this amazing ability to look through their eyes, to feel their pain, it gives you a unique perspective on a crime scene, the human element that I find so elusive." Wow, that sounded a lot like a compliment; and not just an atta-boy Nicky, a sincere one. Grissom stood and moved to another vent, this one in the kitchen floor. He checked it then moved back into the front room to check the vent there, he had gone quiet, and Nick was starting to wonder if that was all he had to say.

"Until tonight, empathy was an emotion I didn't think I was capable of." Nick was starting to understand. They were doing a walk through of Grissom's house, it was unnerving. If Grissom didn't feel safe here, there was no way he was going to.

"You can always tell what is important to a person by observing what it is they are most afraid of losing." Nick's head was starting to hurt; hopefully the vicodin would kick in soon. "It would seem, that what I value most is my privacy, which I didn't think anyone could take away." Nick nodded his agreement, privacy was important to him to. Grissom started doing broad sweeps of the ceiling with his flashlight; looking for peepholes. Nicks stomach churned, maybe the orange juice hadn't been the best idea after all.

"No man is an island; I am no exception. And while I can't exist without a connection to others, I make every effort to be emotionally self sustaining." Nick wanted to remember this, to hoard away these bits of information like treasure. Grissom offered so little of himself, that when something was presented, you were compelled to hold it dear. They moved down the hall and Grissom started checking the linen closet.

"Tonight," he checked the closet ceiling for access panels very carefully, "I put myself in your position, opened Pandora's box." He closed the closet and stared at his feet for a moment before continuing. "I found, much to my surprise, that I would be wholly unprepared, I have no defense against that kind of invasion." Grissom moved into the bathroom and started his examination all over again. "Apparently Catherine's assessment was dead on, I am an emotional cripple." Nick's throat went tight, he wanted to reassure, but couldn't reach out, he was too exposed right now and knew he would fall apart if Grissom rejected the comfort he offered. Grissom continued walking and started checking the ceiling of what appeared to be his study.

"My only recourse would be to fall back on old habits, ingrained patterns, and defense mechanisms. I can't cope with the reality, so I have to dissect it, process it in more manageable pieces." He moved out of the office and to the end of the hall, into the bedroom. "Categorize, quantify, classify... compartmentalize." He started with the bedroom closet; Nick wasn't surprised at how organized it was.

"I fear Nigel Crane because he had the power to take something from me, something precious, that I had not previously acknowledged the value of." Nick backed closer to the wall as Grissom moved past him, out of the closet and into the master bathroom. Nick was a private man himself, but Grissom... he was more intensely private than anyone Nick had ever known. Nick tried to focus on Grissom's words, to find the meaning behind them, but this riddle was elusive.

"What did Nigel Crane take from you Nick?" Grissom's gaze settled on him and he shifted, unprepared for its intensity. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Grissom returned to the bedroom and checked the vents.

"He violated my privacy, took pieces of my life without my permission, made them his own." Grissom nodded and turned off the flashlight, he set it on the nightstand and looked at Nick from across the other side of the bed, clearly waiting for Nick to continue. Nick floundered a little, "He opened up my life and read it like a book, thought he knew me."

Grissom climbed into the bed and lay down, hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling, Nick shifted, a little uncomfortable. "He was looking in from the outside, he could pick through your life at will. He could define what you were through analysis, but could he define who you were?"

Nick moved forward, thoughtful. "No, no, not really."

"The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." Grissom looked at him then. "Memory foam."

Nick was thrown. Did Grissom just invite him into his bed? He shifted, uncertain, but in the end decided that he may never get another chance to be this close to the man. He walked over slowly and sat at the edge of the bed. He swung his legs up and tried to lie down without jostling his ribs too much. He couldn't help the groan that escaped his throat when he sank into the mattress. He squirmed a little to settle in more fully. "I am never getting out of this bed."

Grissom laughed next to him, "Then it was worth every penny." Grissom quieted, Nick was waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Walk through it with me Nicky, lay it out." Nick was silent, he wasn't sure what Grissom was asking for, where he was taking this. He glanced in Grissom's direction, only to regret the decision when he saw Grissom was staring intently at him now, rather than the ceiling. When he didn't speak up, Grissom continued. "Nigel Crane installed your cable three weeks ago, on a Sunday. Today is Monday, that was twenty-three days ago, including the day he installed it and today."

Nick nodded, he understood where Grissom was going now... categorize, quantify, classify. Compartmentalize. Okay, he could do that, it might even help. "Twenty-days... five hundred and fifty-two hours of my life that he stole. He had full access to my house, both while I was here and while I was at work. He had a job of his own, had to divide his time in order to stalk Jane as well, but he could record everything when he wasn't here, and then watch it later. He had limited access to me at work, he managed to get that flier, but he wouldn't have been able to get too close while I was at the lab." He let out a slow breath and really thought about that. "So... I maxed out on over time three weeks ago, put in sixty the next week, but only forty-five this week, since I was in the hospital." He gave a wry smile. "Out of a possible five hundred and fifty-five hours, that leaves three hundred and sixty-seven hours."

"Part of which was spent sleeping, I hope"

"But he watched me sleep too"

"True, but how much information could he really garner from watching you sleep."

"Well, okay... I haven't been sleeping well lately, maybe six hours a night. That brings the total to two hundred and thirty-five hours."

"So what happened during that time?"

"Everything!" his voice came out higher pitched than he would have liked.

Grissom chastised, "Everything is an impossibility, he observed a finite number of events. Start with the basics, your daily routine: eating, dressing, watching TV, reading..."

Nick took a deep breath, "I only eat one meal a day at home for the most part, and I guess that isn't too bad, more people see me eating when I'm out at a restaurant. And dressing... the only part about that that bothers me is that he would have seen me naked, but after he's seen it once, it's not like the show ever changes. He would have seen me brushing my teeth, drying my hair, probably watched me clip my toenails... Since I got that cable, I spent a lot of that time watching the new sports channels, but then he would only have seen me cheering and jumping around my living room, which is embarrassing but not something I wouldn't do in front of company."

"So what else does that leave? Bodily functions."

Nick squirmed a little, "That part bothers me a little more than the rest."

"Try thinking of it like a public restroom."

Nick snorted, "That isn't a mental image I needed," but he was smiling when he said it.

"What was the worst thing he could possibly have seen you do in that amount of time? Scratch your butt, pick your nose, fart in bed, masturbate?"

"Jesus," he knew he was blushing now, was glad that they were laying on their backs, that he didn't have to see Grissom's face for this.

"Does masturbating not fall in the same category as dressing? After he's seen it once, the show doesn't change much." Nick felt like his face was on fire now, he was really uncomfortable; both with his body's demands for release and the idea that someone had witnessed it. If Grissom noticed his discomfort, he chose to ignore it. "So he watched you jerk off; in the shower, maybe in bed. But he could only have witnessed it a quantifiable number of times, say thirty."

Nick whipped his head around, "Are you shitting me?!"

Grissom looked over at him, his expression the picture of innocence, until he ruined it with a disturbingly cheerful smile. "Now that we've established that I am a dirty old man, why don't you ball park it for me."

Nick looked away, "Twice." He could feel Grissom's eyes on him, but couldn't bring himself to turn. The silence stretched forever, or at least so it seemed, though it couldn't have been more than a few seconds.

"Where?"

"Once in bed, and once... on the couch." He heard Grissom exhale but refused to let his gaze waiver from counting the speckles on the ceiling. It wasn't fair that he had to feel so exposed and Grissom could keep his secrets safe. He should have to give something up too. "What about you?" He had been trying for nonchalant, but knew he failed when his voice cracked on the last word.

He felt a little stab of jealously when Grissom didn't even hesitate to answer. "Always in the shower." Damn the man for being so comfortable, so at home in his own skin. "Could Nigel really have known what was going through your mind? What would he have seen, heard?" Don't do it Stokes, don't you dare, you will not picture him in the shower. Shit. Fuck. He already had the image floating through his mind. There had to be a special place in hell for people who imagined their boss wanking in the shower. It didn't stop him from wondering if he used the shampoo as lube; thank god the censor in his brain prevented the question from leaving his mouth. When did this room get so hot, maybe he could turn on the fan, but that would mean getting up, and he hadn't been joking when he said he was never leaving this bed.

He belatedly realized that it was his turn to talk, that Grissom was still watching him, waiting for an answer to his question. He hit rewind in his mind and tried to remember what question Grissom had asked. Oh, right. Why couldn't there ever be an emergency when he wanted one, why couldn't Grissom's pager be going off now or the earth opening up to swallow him whole. "Uhm." He had to clear his throat and try again. "The time in bed, I just couldn't get to sleep, he wouldn't have heard much. There were blankets, so he might not have seen anything at all, but it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out." Actually now that he thought back on it, it wasn't that bad, certainly could have been worse. He had tossed and turned for an hour before he finally gave in, it hadn't taken much.

"The other time..." he trailed off, a little nauseous now that he thought back on it and tried to bring up details. He had been sitting on the couch in sweatpants, watching the game; he had just been bored and horny. Had spent the whole shift beforehand working with Grissom, they had been crammed in a car, processing. He couldn't hardly think straight, nice pun Stokes, he'd been so distracted by the smell of the man and the heat of his body in the confined space. Jesus, just thinking about it was making his balls tighten. He shut his eyes tight; do not go to phase two dammit.

"It's okay to be embarrassed Nicky. To accept what he saw, be embarrassed by it, then move past it."

Nick understood that, he really did, and he was shaking his head yes, but having a hard time getting any words out. "The second time was... much more revealing." And wasn't that an understatement. He had fantasized about Grissom blowing him, playing with his nipples. He had come humping his hand with a finger up his ass. He had cried out but he didn't think he had said Grissom's name and when he really thought about it, from above, it probably just looked like he was playing with his balls. A horrifying thought hit him, "Do you think, do you think he got off, watching me?"

Grissom rolled onto his side, "No Nicky. It wasn't about sex for him. He didn't want to posses you, he just wanted to be you." Nick nodded, somewhat relieved, he really wanted to believe what Grissom said was true. "Do you feel better?"

"My side still aches even with the pills and my head is killing me. But about the rest of it... yeah, yeah I do feel better, less... afraid." Funny how talking about his feelings with his boss and the object of his desires was a lot easier when he compared it to talking about masturbating while thinking of him. "I don't know if I'll be able to stay at my place ever again. Would I be a coward for moving, for running away?" He whished he didn't sound so weak.

Grissom scooted closer, "Not at all Nicky, no one will think any less of you for moving, for needing time." Grissom reached out slowly, setting his hand on Nick's chest. Nick hoped he couldn't feel just how fast his heart was beating. "You can stay here as long as you want." Nick turned and looked at him then. When had he gotten so close? Nick nodded his head and knew he should be thankful, but he couldn't help his eyes tearing up. This was going to be hard. He wasn't sure he could handle getting close to Grissom only to have the man pull away again once Nick was back on his own feet at his own house. Having everything he wanted, even if only for a little while, then having it all striped away again. He sucked in a shaky breath and turned his head to face the far wall, he tried to release it slowly but it still came out sounding a lot like a sob.

"Nicky..." Grissom sounded a little lost himself; Nick guessed it wasn't every day one of his employees broke down on him. "I know I'm not always...accessible, but... I've always been here. I'll still be here, after." Nick hated it when Grissom read minds. He didn't realize that he was crying until Grissom reached his hand up and started wiping away his tears. He started sobbing in earnest then, probably sounded like a blubbering idiot, but he couldn't stop. He felt Grissom press up against his side, a hand stroking his hair and another rubbing his uninjured side.

"Is this okay." Nick sniffled loudly wanted to say yes, but choked on the words and settled for grabbing a handful of Grissom's shirt with his good hand.

He wasn't sure how long they lay there, his tears were drying up, but his head hurt even worse than before, he wondered if it was too soon to take another pill. He didn't open his eyes yet, sure that he would find Grissom watching him when he did. Not really wanting to see the look on his face. He needed to pull himself together; he tried thinking back on the evening's events. He realized, to his surprise, that he felt better, a lot better. For an emotional cripple, Grissom had really helped him out with this, given him perspective. He almost started crying again when he realized he hadn't solved the riddle yet. That was the thing about Grissom's riddles, when you got it wrong, you felt like pond scum; but when you got it right, it was good, really good. It was the best feeling in the world, for a fleeting moment you were the king of the mountain, the center of Grissom's undivided attention.

So what had Grissom been trying to tell him all evening? Hadn't the man just said it himself? He was telling Nick that he was here, but inaccessible. And how did a person gain access to something? Using a key. And what would the key in this situation be? He thought back on the tour of the house. And wasn't that what it was after all? It wasn't just Grissom being paranoid and checking his locks. He was showing Nick his home, presenting it to him, giving him permission to look around, analyze. Grissom had lain out this buffet of information for him to look over, only none of it made sense without context. So how could he get the context he needed to unravel the mystery? The simplicity of it hit him hard and he couldn't help but laugh, the answer had been there all along. And wasn't that the way it always was, the answer starting you in the face, you just don't see it until you're ready. His eyes were open now. Silk, silk, silk. He started laughing all over again, he saw Grissom lean up and look at him, a little concerned. That figures, he probably did sound a little hysterical.

The answers were all there, waiting for him. And all he had ever needed to do was ask. He didn't know where to start. The mini Grissom in his brain said, with the basics, of course. He looked Grissom, meeting his eyes, "What's your favorite color?" Grissom smiled slowly, watching it creep over his face was like watching the sun rise. And he was right; solving the riddle was the best feeling in the world.

"Mauve."

"Mauve? Why?"

"It was the first synthetic dye, discovered in 1856 by William Henry Perkin while experimenting with coal tar in hopes of finding an artificial quinine as a cure for malaria."

Nick started laughing again. "You couldn't have just said, because it's pretty?" Grissom smiled a little wider, it made the corner of his eyes crinkle, and Nick wanted to kiss him there. "I like blue."

"You look good in blue." Wow, Grissom's voice sounded incredible when it was all rough and low like that, it made the base of his spine tingle. "What's your favorite movie?" Grissom ducked his head a little, laughing.

"Anders als die Andern, it means Different from the Others, a black and white silent film from 1919."

Was that German? "Why?"

"Because it's ugly."

Nick hit him in the arm. "Jerk." The teasing was nice, he squirmed a little to get closer, put his injured arm around Grissom's neck. That was apparently the right move, because Grissom just eased right into his space. Nick realized with a start that they were cuddling, he giggle nervously. Grissom kissed his jaw, and he forgot how to breathe. God, this was exactly what he'd wanted, but he was absolutely terrified of getting it. He needed to distract Grissom, ask another question, give himself a chance to think this through. "How long can you hold your breath?"

"Would you like to find out?" Grissom's hand slid low on his belly, it made all the muscles jump and twitch. Oh, god. That just wasn't fair.

"Jesus," his face flushed, "that... that wasn't what I meant." Saying it didn't come even close to wiping the hungry look off Grissom's face. Nick squirmed, so much for not going to phase two.

Grissom's hand started rubbing his abdomen in little circles; he had to bite his lip to keep from jerking his hips. Grissom made a noise that sounded a lot like a growl. Grissom kissed him then, sucking his bottom lip from between his teeth and laving his tongue over it. Nick opened his mouth, wanting more, wanting to taste him. Grissom's tongue felt amazing sliding into his mouth, mapping his teeth and flicking over the soft palette. Grissom's hand slid up, he ran his thumb roughly over Nick's nipple through his t-shirt. Nick's whole body jerked in response, he had to push his head back into the pillow and groan. Grissom took advantage of the change to kiss along his jaw, stopping to suck at the juncture of his neck and shoulder.

When Grissom started sucking harder, Nick had to put his hand over his mouth to stop himself from crying out. Nick knew from experience that would leave a nice hickey. Grissom tugged his hand from his mouth and spoke against the side of his face, "You don't ever have to hide from me, Nicky."

No one's voice should sound so good. He felt like this was spiraling out of control, going way too fast, he had been lusting after the man for, god, years. He had never gotten any indication that Grissom was anything less than a straight arrow; and the man had certainly never taken an interest in him. "Wait... I don't understand, why now?"

Grissom leaned back to look at him but otherwise didn't move; he seemed to be struggling for words. "I just didn't realize, before today, how much I had to lose."

"Right, you said that, your privacy. But you don't have to do this, do anything with me, just to make me feel better." Grissom let out a frustrated sigh and pulled away a little to rub a hand over his face. Nick had to clamp down on his disappointment.

"This isn't pity Nick. I... god this is hard. Losing my privacy would have been difficult... but losing you Nicky, would have been completely unacceptable."

Nick couldn't help the smile on his face; Grissom should send that one to Hallmark. Nick grabbed for Grissom's shoulder and tugged him back down. "Happiness is anyone and anything that's loved by you."

Nick had never seen such a look of relief and joy mixed on someone's face. Grissom started laughing and shaking his head, "Charlie Brown."

Nick felt the knot in his stomach loosen and let out the breath he'd been holding. It seemed to take all of his energy with it. This had been a hellish day and he wasn't up for anymore of this emotional roller coaster, it was exhausting; but he wasn't sure where they went from here. "What now boss?"

"Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night." Grissom pulled the comforter up over them and settled in next to him. Nick wanted to ask who the quote was from but didn't want to ruin the moment by flipping the switch and putting Grissom back in lecture mode. It sounded like a good plan at any rate, for now he would sleep and there would be time to think in the morning.

***