Title: The Hard Part
By: Sonia
Note: Part 2 of the "New Love" Series. Sequel to The Long Haul.

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It's been two weeks and we go dancing every night. Ok so it's in my living room. I get to hold Nick in my arms. That's all that matters.

Technically, he's moved back into his condo. He's spent a few nights there with me beside him. I've got to admit I was little freaked out being there. That space has some very bad mojo working. It's as if Crane infected it with his fucked up essence. His nightmares had calmed down until our foray into Amityville. Now he clutches me at night like he's Linus and I'm the blue blanket. I know he's scared but I can't get any sleep. I had to say something about it.

We went out the other night for dinner. We ate 19 oz Porterhouse steaks and drank some imported beer. We stumbled back to my place and laid down on the couch like beached whales. If someone shouted "Fire" at the moment, we would have seriously considered burning up.

I wanted to make it no big thing so I just said what I was thinking. I was playing with his feet. He was moaning about his jeans being too tight. I was trying not to think about that right then.

"Nicky you've got to give me more room at night, man." I said. Damn, he's giving me the "little boy lost look."

"You don't like sleeping with me..."

I sat up a little and reached for his hand. Careful Rick you're walking on eggshells.

"Nah baby, I love us being together. I love you being in my life and in my bed." I take my hand and put it on my face making it look like a like a starfish. "I just don't want you here."

Thank God he's gives me the Stokes grin and lightens up.

"That bad huh?"

"Have you ever slept with a cat on your chest?"

He ducked his head and laughed. Then his face turned serious. I could tell he wasn't pissed but he had something he wanted to say. I wanted him to know I understood.

I put up my hand. "I know about the nightmares. I know they have come back since the last time we slept at your place. I'm here Nicky. You don't have to pin me to the mattress. Not like that anyway."

He gave me the intense look he gets when he starts to get turned on. He stored the thought away so he could finish our conversation. I made a note to stir that pot later.

He chuckled "Ok I get it. It's just that I've never really...shared a bed with someone like you before. You know? I've only slept with girls and I've always had to hold them. I like the way you hold me. It feels really good." He looked down at our hands, with a light blush on his cheeks. He thinks I'm pissed off at him.

I feel like I just shot a puppy.

"Nicky, we can do that all you want. Just tell me. OK?" He looked so beautiful and sweet at that moment. I leaned over to kiss him. As I was leading him to our bedroom, all I could think of at the time was how easy it was to straighten out the problem. Things weren't always going to be like this.

****

We hadn't told anyone about what was happening between us. It wasn't a conscious decision. We didn't "talk" about it. We are both very private people. Broadcasting isn't our thing. It was obvious that we were still living together long after it was necessary. Catherine knows about us. The classy woman she is, she hasn't said anything to either of us. Grissom. Well who knows what he's thinking at any given time. I always thought he had a little thing for my man. Sometimes I think I catch a look coming from him that's not about work.

Sara is going to be a problem. I can't figure this heifer out. First, she's trying to get me fired. Fine whatever. Then as we groove a little she becomes part of the team. I pissed her off by hanging up on her the day Crane died. I've tried to apologize to her a half dozen times to no avail.

The last time I tried was yesterday. I pulled her into the break room. The shift had just started and I was going to try this one more time.

"Sara, what's the deal? I'm sorry. I've told you I'm sorry. Why are you giving me such a hard way to go?"

She shifted her hips and folded her arms. Her face was a wall of silence. I didn't think she was going to say anything and I started to walk out.

"Hey Warrick, why did you freak out that day?"

"I was worried about Nick." Now I'm pissed. Does she have a crush on *him* too?

"Yeah you were so worried you didn't stop to think. I was alone at that crime scene because Nick walked away. I didn't know what to do. That seems to happen a lot around here."

Flagrant foul. She should be benched for that shit.

"You weren't a rookie on your first crime scene. Besides, you knew what Nick was going through. He had just heard Crane had killed himself. You're the one who let him walk away." She paled. I could see her digging for a good one.

"Something's different between you two isn't it?"

"That's not your business."

I wasn't going any further with her. She obviously had an agenda. I started for the door.

"It is if you are involved with each other. It jeopardizes the balance of the team. It's against the regs. What do you think the sheriff would say if he found out?" she said in her snotty little way.

I turned back and walked right up to her. I wasn't going to let her fuck with me. She wasn't going to be the last person to say something like that. I've learned you've got to knock that kind of shit down fast.

"Nick and I are together. He's staying at my place for now...." Her face lit up.

She interrupted me. "So you admit that..."

I crowded her as much as I could. Sara really can't be pushed around. I was just angry enough to try it.

"I'll admit we're in a relationship. I'll admit we are lovers." I stretched out that last word as long as I could. "I'll admit I don't know what your game is. I thought we were friends, Sara. I thought you were Nick's friend too." She had the fucking nerve to look hurt.

"I am your friend. At least I thought I was your friend. Why didn't you tell me? Catherine knows. She said something to me because she thought I knew. I can understand not telling Grissom. He's management no matter how much we trust him. What about me? How come you couldn't trust me?" she whined.

I heard a roar in my head that sounded like a freight train going 80 miles an hour. I swear to God the ground shook underneath my feet. The words that came out of my mouth were spiteful and mean. It felt delicious.

"This is how you >prove< your friendship? By threatening to turn us in?!! We both know >Sara< if Grissom cornered you in the lab and said "How about it?" the last thing on your mind would be the rules." I turned away from her. Then I thought about it and added this parting shot.

"Catherine knows because she figured it out. She wasn't thinking about herself. She was thinking about Nick and making sure he didn't get hurt. What were you thinking about when you threatened us, Sara? Why don't you puzzle on that for awhile?"

As I looked through the glass door, I saw Grissom in the hallway along with most of the shift staff. Fuck.

I walked past him into his office. I knew what was coming. He came through the door and closed it. He walked around behind his desk and sat down. He looked up at me still standing, seething with an anger I haven't felt in years.

"Warrick..."

"Grissom, she's got no right to..."

"You're right she doesn't..."

The freight train in my head screeched to a halt.

"She has no right to threaten you with anything. That's my job." The half smile on his face is just this side of demented.

When will this day end?

"You knew?"

"Yes."

I scratched my head a little. The noise in my mind let up a little.

"When?"

"The day of Crane's suicide. I saw your face when you saw him for the first time after he left the crime scene. I felt relief when he showed up here. The look on your face was about something much, much deeper." I remembered the strange look he gave me at the morgue.

Gin. Count up the points.

"How are we going to handle this?"

If the water is cold, my theory has always been to jump in fast instead of wading in a toe at a time.

"We're not. As long as, officially, you two maintain separate residences and don't register for domestic partnership benefits, you aren't breaking the rules. You guys aren't the first to do this and you won't be last. Don't worry about it." He said this in his comforting voice. The one he uses with vics especially frightened children. He had judged me right. I was scared shitless.

"What if in the future...we want to do those things?"

His face flashed something I wasn't supposed to see.

"We'll cross that bridge blah, blah, blah...."

"Thanks, Gil. We owe you." I'm leaving when he shocks the hell out of me.

"No you don't. Just be good to him Warrick. God knows he deserves it. He's a special person."

I turn back and there it is again. He lets me see it for just a moment. I've won the prize Grissom wanted for himself. Then the riot gate rolls down again and it's gone. Gil has retreated and Grissom is back.

"I'll make him as happy as I can." It wasn't going to be easy.

****

I made it my business to find Nick as soon I could. He had heard about the fight with Sara through the grapevine. I let him know what Grissom said about our situation and he seemed relieved. I didn't tell him of my suspicions about Grissom wanting him. My grandma didn't raise a fool.

Things calmed down quickly for us. The ragging we took at work was fair to middlin'. Nothing we couldn't handle. Together. That's how we did everything. We arrived at work together. Grissom started assigning us together more often. It was best if Sara and I were apart for a while. We went home together. Having showered at work we usually just change clothes. The one thing we didn't do together was cook. He's a decent cook, thank God because I hate it with a passion. After breakfast, we would watch tapes of the primetime shows. After a half hour or so of that, one of us usually cracks and starts teasing the other. About two weeks after our "coming out," we were in the middle of our little domestic routine when all hell broke loose. This time it was me who went looking for some lovin'. We did end up the way I had hoped we would but we had to crawl through broke glass to get there.

****

I started kissing and licking his neck, one of his favorite spots. He giggled and put his arms around me. We were on the couch, which isn't big enough for both of us to lie down on, but we usually find a way. He was on top of me opening my shirt, playing with my nipples. I was stroking his cock through his sweatpants getting him ready for some heavy fun. He has really taken to hombre sex very well. His cocksucking has improved and he's adventurous enough to have tried rimming me. As for fucking...that's hopefully in the very near future. I've gotten distracted, haven't I?

We were both naked and aroused when the phone rang. He had me pinned to the couch by then, sliding down to start playing a tune on my organ. He shifted and I looked down. He gave me this oily grin, jumped off of me to grab the phone. 'Cuse me?

"Boy, get back here!" I was as hard as a supporting beam and leaking like a broken faucet.

He waved me silent. " Hello? Hi Ma. How are you?" He smiled at me like a Cheshire cat. He was practically doing an end zone dance. How can you be angry with someone for speaking to their mother? I managed to be. I figured if he wasn't going to finish the job I'll get even. I started jerking myself off right in front of him. His part of the conversation was fractured at best.

"What? Oh sorry Ma. I'm listening. Yeah, yeah..."

I kept that up for a few minutes. Then I got up and started doing a sort of belly dance with my cock swinging all over the place. He was practically drooling by then. I received a divine inspiration. I went to the nightstand and got our tube of Astroglide. As it was yet to be used, I was christening it for both of us. He was still trying to make sense to his mom.

"It's Ok Mom, I'm here. I was sleeping when you called so I'm still a little foggy. Go on with your story."

I turned around to make sure my butt was in his face. I pulled my cheeks apart and used my finger to start loosing up my asshole. I looked back at him. That did it. He was sweatin' and red all over. His hand was stroking his cock. He was also mad as a wet hen.

"Ma, I got another call, can you hold on a minute?" He hit the mute button, put the phone down, and sat back on the couch. His legs were stretched out in front of him. His head was back with his mouth wide open. I almost forgot that I was supposed to be the cock tease.

He choked out "God Rick if you don't stop I'm going blow my load right now. I promise I'll suck anything you want me to if you let me finish this conversation. I'll be quick."

He was now squeezing the base of his cock trying not to come. I was still playing with my asshole but now I was jerking myself too. I walked over to him and started licking his face. He grabbed my cock and pumped it like it had oil inside.

"Not good enough boy. I'm too hot for that. Let me fuck you Nicky. Please. I promise I won't hurt you. I just need to be inside you. Please baby." It sounded like I was begging...because I was. He stopped and looked in my eyes for just a split second. His were completely black. His breath was so hot on my face it smelled like smoke. His mouth was juicy and red like an all day sucker. God I wanted to fuck him.

"Yeah, fuck me baby. Make me come with your dick up my ass." he said.

"Nicky?"

At first, I thought it was me saying his name. Then I heard it again. It was from the phone. Merciful Lord. His mother had heard everything. I mean everything. He hadn't heard her call his name. He was busy chewing on my chest. I tapped him on the shoulder. I whispered in his ear.

"Nicky, stop. Stop. The phone is on. Nick your mom can hear us."

He stopped but didn't pick up his head. A tremor literally ran down his spine. He backed up and looked at me with such terror in his face I thought he was going to pass out. He reached for the phone in a sort of slow motion gesture.

With a quiver in his voice "Heeellloo?" He went so white he was almost transparent. He never said a word but I could hear the screaming on the other end. She was tearing him a new asshole. I didn't know what the fuck to do. I took hold of his knee and stroked it trying to give him some comfort. Something she said in her tirade struck he hit hard. He had just listened up until then.

"Ma, I love you and I love Dad but sometimes you'll are just plain old fashioned wrong. What happened to me has nothing to do with whom I'm with now. Hello...?" He took the phone away from his ear. His mother had hung up on him.

"Nick, I'm so sorry. If I hadn't been acting like an asshole..."

He had tears in his eyes but he still smiled. "It's my fault. I've got to be more careful." I took him into my arms and held him as close as I could.

"She's mad now but she'll calm down. Call her in a few days." Yeah like that'll change anything.

He sat back and rubbed his eyes. He looked totally defeated.

"You don't understand. They are Republicans from Texas. They think George Bush is a bleeding heart liberal. They may never speak to me again." He shook his head slowly back and forth. I figured he wasn't going to tell his parents about us. My grandma knows about me though. We have an unspoken pact between us. She doesn't ask and I don't tell. It works for us. Nick on the other hand is the baby of a large accomplished family. This could get very ugly.

I got up off my knees and found my sweatpants. All of a sudden, sex was the last thing on my mind. That's why his next words surprised me so much.

"You know you could use that stuff" pointing to the lube "on me and see what happens?" He looked up at me with this incredible mix of emotions in his eyes.

"Baby we don't have to do this. We're both a little screwed up right now and that wouldn't really help." What am I saying? I've wanted to fuck him for months. Now is not the time for me to develop a conscious. Shut up.

"I'm not stupid. I know what I'm doing. Come on. If I'm going to be called a faggot I might as well be one all the way." He got up, putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Umm, you're a smooth talker Stokes. I'm almost convinced you want to do this." He turned me towards him and pushed down my pants. He gave me a kiss that was hotter than July. He starred stroking my cock. It didn't take much to get me hard again. The whole time he was moving us backwards towards the bed. We crawled up onto it and lay down side by side. The event was very much like all our lovemaking sessions, until he handed me the lube and rolled over on his stomach. I took my sweet time too. I was going to see every inch of my lover for the first time. I kissed, licked, and stroked every part of him. The way he reacted I know no one else had every touched his ass this way. I stopped briefly to go into the bathroom to get the appropriate items. We hadn't been prepared for this particular step in our relationship. After things were taken care of I dived in, shall we say, face first. He moaned, groaned, and damn near took my head off by squeezing his legs to tight a couple of times. I sucked on his perineum, something women rarely do. Take my advice it's a good thing to do. I had the man speaking in tongues with my tongue. By the time I reached for the lube he was begging for it.

"Rick, please. Help me. Let me come, please. I need it."

He managed to gasp this out while I tore open the condom. I remember thinking we've got to talk about these motherfucking things. I hate them. But if I gave him something I didn't know I had I would just die. I slicked everything up that was necessary. I know it's easier on the receiving end to be on your hands and knees for your first time. He stopped me.

"I want to see you fuck me. I want to see you come." He almost did see me come but not the way he wanted it to happen.

"Baby it's easier this way. Trust me. Please?" I kissed him and reassured him as much as I could. He wasn't nervous just a little wound up. He let me position him the way I wanted. I got him ready and started to penetrate him as slowly as I could. It hurts no matter how well you do this. We just aren't built for this activity.

"Breathe deep Nicky, try to relax." I pushed the tip of my cock into him. He was so tight. He was aching. I could tell by the tension in his back. After a slow start we got into a rhythm that was comfortable for both of us. I grabbed his shoulders and started some serious humping. I hadn't felt anything like that in my life.

"Oh God it's incredible, Nick. You're my baby. I love you. I love fucking you." I could feel his ass tightening up. That's a sign his climax was near. The waves of my own turning point started building. I love the sensation of helplessness over your own body. I remember shouting out his name as it happened. He seized up and bucked like an untamed pony. I don't remember much after that. I came to with him in my arms. We were bother sweating like thoroughbreds.

"Uh huh" was all I could manage. His face was tucked on my shoulder.

"How you feeling, man? Was it good?" At first he didn't answer. I sat up a little. He didn't move when I let go of him. I was getting freaked out.

"Nick are you hurtin'? I tried to go slow. Are you OK?" I rubbed his back and tried to get him to response to me. Nothing. Just silence. Finally he looked up at me. He had tears in his eyes but he was smiling.

"After it stops throbbing back there, can we do it again?"

I slapped his ass. He reached back and rubbed his cheek "Oww!! Hello I'm a little sore right now remember?"

My heart started beating again. "Good. Don't fucking do that to me again!!" I thought I had done something wrong." He gave me a beautiful smile. That one where he gets the crinkles around his eyes.

"No baby you did it just right." We kissed and laughed. He seemed Ok. I got up to hit the bathroom. I disposed of the condom and cleaned up. I came back to the bed and he was lying there on his back like a cat in the sun. He got up on his knees and gave me a peck on the cheek.

"I have a question for you. Something I've always wanted to know. I figure if we can do what we just did I can ask you anything."

"What do you want to know?" He had a look in his eye that was a little dangerous.

He tilted his head and cocked his chin at me. His thinking posture.

"Why do you answer your cell phone "Warrick" instead of "Brown" or "Warrick Brown"? See Grissom uses "Grissom" and the rest of us use our full names. So I was wondering why you do that?"

"First of all it's truly whacked that you noticed that. Secondly how would you like to be a black man answering your phone as "Brown"? Think about it." That made him laugh. He got up to the john and that's when I saw it. Blood droplets on the sheets. He must have seen something in my eyes because he turned around and looked back.

"Uh oh..." He reached back with his hand and I saw the blood. A little is to be expected but this looked like a little bit too much. Shit.

"I'll ah check what's going on. I'll be right back."

"Let me do it. I'd be easier for me to see.."

"It's Ok sweetheart. I can manage." He chooses now to get shy on me. He went into the bathroom and closed the door. I heard a few noises then nothing. He came out like fifteen minutes later. I jumped up like a scolded cat. He kissed me on the forehead and gave me a grin.

"False alarm. I'm fine." I nearly fell out. I had been so tense I had to uncurl my toes. We crawled back into bed avoiding the wet spots as best we could. I started to dose off when I felt an extra tight squeeze on my ribs. I stroked his shoulders and arms.

"I'm here baby. What's the matter?"

"Just remembering...about my mom. She's going to tell the whole family. They are going to be through with me you know. You're all I've got."

"You've still got a chance with your brother and sisters. They can't all be like your parents." I know how much his family means to him. I prayed he was wrong.

"Yeah maybe. Just don't leave me OK? I don't think I could take it."

I sat up and looked down at him. He was composed but there was a new sadness to him that hurt me. There was something else going on. I stroked his hair and face trying to comfort him.

"What did your mom say to you? I know she was pissed off but you said something about it not being your fault. That something had nothing to do with us?" He turned his head away and covered his eyes. I had pushed him too hard. His voice trembled and his chin started to wobble. The tears in his voice just about killed me.

"She said that the thing with Crane was my fault. He knew I was a homo and he wanted to...She said it was a sex thing that went bad. That I made up the story about the stalking to cover up." I was about to get dressed and fly to Dallas. I had a middle-aged woman to hunt down and punch out.

"Nicky..."

"I know but it still hurts. My mom saying those things. Do you think the guys at the station think that way too?"

"Don't think like that, baby. You'll drive yourself crazy." With his sad little smile he said "Too late. I'm already there."

I held him in my arms until he fell asleep. I knew the family thing wasn't over. Not by a long shot. I wanted him to know that I'm never going leave him. Our place is always going to be a safe haven for us. Living outside these walls that's the hard part.

The End