Title: Perfect As You Are
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Gil Grissom
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: Hurt/Comfort, mission_insane
Prompt: 5, Fix Me
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Gil Grissom, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Gil looked up from his desk with a frown, watching Greg as the young man pulled back the curtains from the sliding glass doors that led out to the patio and the back yard. He had no idea why Greg seemed so melancholy, but he didn't like seeing it.

He had thought that Greg was getting past that had happened; he had seemed more stable lately, more inclined to laughter, and he'd been brooding less than he usually did. Gil had hoped with all of his heart that the past was finally receding.

But it was starting to look like that wasn't the case; Greg was sinking into depression again, and Gil didn't know how to stop it from happening. All he could do was love his boyfriend, be there for him, and try to help him as much as he could.

He wished more than anything that Greg could simply snap out of it, that he could make the decision to put the past behind him and keep it there. But that was far more easily said than done, and he knew it. Greg couldn't simply forget about what had happened to him.

He didn't expect that, of course, Gil told himself with a barely audible sigh. No one could go through the experience that Greg had endured and simply be able to forget it. It would never be forgotten; it could be put into the past, but the memories would always be there.

Gil hated knowing that Greg would probably be tormented by those memories for the rest of his life, but there was nothing that either one of them could do about that. They would simply have to accept it as part of their lives and move on, doing the best they could.

Silently, he rose from his chair, going to the doors to stand beside his boyfriend. After a few moments, he slid an arm around Greg's waist, raising his other hand to stroke the younger man's hair. "Penny for your thoughts, whatever they may be," he said, his voice soft and quiet.

Greg turned his head slightly, giving Gil a wan smile. "I know I shouldn't let everything that happened keep on getting to me," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "But sometimes it all comes back so clearly when I don't expect it to. I'll just be thinking, and it's .... it's just there.'

Gil nodded, wishing that he could do something to make those horrible memories go away. He hated ot know that they still affected Greg so much, but he supposed that in some ways, they always would. What had been done to him would be a part of him forever.

"There's nothing we can do to change what's happened in the past, Greg," he said softly, stroking the young man's hair. "All we can do is make peace with the past, and look towards the future. I'd like to think that I've made your future look brighter than it might have been."

"You have," Greg murmured, leaning back against him and closing his eyes. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Gil. I'm thankful for you every second of every day. If I didn't have you, I'd be going through all this alone. I might not even be alive now. I owe you my life."

Gil's other arm wrapped around Greg's waist; he closed his eyes as he held his boyfriend close against him, feeling his throat close. He didn't know what to say; all he knew was that he loved the man in his arms more than ever, and he would do anything to keep him safe and protected.

"You don't owe me anything," he murmured, his lips brushing against Greg's cheek as he spoke. "I've loved you for so long, Greg. I'd do anything for you. I owe you my life, to be honest. Because I don't think I started living until I realized just how much I love you."

"What's wrong with me, Gil?" Greg's voice sounded broken, lost. Gil could feel his heart contract at the sound; he hated to think of Greg feeling lost and alone, feeling as though he had to keep reliving the horror of what had happened to him with no way out of it.

"Nothing's wrong with you, sweetheart," he answered, keeping his voice soft, trying his best not to let the slight tremble in it be heard. "You went through a horrible experience, and it's taking you a long time to get past it. It would take anybody a whole to recover from that."

"I wish you could just wave a magic wand and fix me," Greg whispered, turning to slide his arms around Gil's waist and bury his face against the older man's shoulder. "I used to think you could, y'know. But I know better now. Nobody's a fairy godmother, not even the people we love the most."

"No, I'm not, but I still want to do everything I can to help you put the past behind you, "Gil told him, holding his boyfriend closer. "You don't need to be fixed, Greg. There's nothing wrong with you. You just need to let go ot the past, when you're ready to do it."

Greg nodded, but he didn't raise his head from Gil's shoulder. It was as though he felt safe there, as though he didn't want to let go. Gil didn't want to let him go, either; he wanted to keep Greg safe in his arms forever, to never let another bad thing happen to him.

Unfortunately, he knew that wasn't possible. Greg wasn't a child who had to be protected from the hard things in life; he was a grown man, who had taken care of himself for a long time before Gil had come into the picture. He didn't need a nurse to watch over him.

But he did need a lover, someone in his life who cared about him, someone who he could come home to every night, someone who would always be there for him. He had gone far too long without that, and Gil was determined to make up for that loss.

"I'm trying to do that," Greg whispered, still not raising his head from Gil's shoulder. "I'm trying my best, and sometimes I think I'm doing a good job. Then I'll start thinking about everything that happened, and I'll feel like I'll never be able to forget it or get over it."

"You won't forget it, Greg," Gil said, his voice heavy with regret. "It's always going to be in your memories. But you don't have to let it control your life. You and I can build a life together, and you can make peace with the past. I know it's hard, but you have to try to let it go."

Greg nodded, finally raising his head. His dark eyes were filled with tears; he raised a hand to wipe them away as Gil did the same. Gil's hand wrapped around Greg's, holding it gently, their gazes locking and saying all the words they both wanted to say in a glance.

"If you could fix me, would you?" Greg whispered, his gaze searching GIl's face. "Would you make me better? Or just different?" He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them to gaze at Gil again. "Or do you want me the way I am, even if I"m all messed up?"

"Greg, you don't need to be fixed," Gil managed to whisper, his throat tightening even as he spoke the words. "It doesn't matter to me if you aren't perfect. I fell in love with you exactly the way you are, and I wouldn't change a single thing about you. All of it makes you the man I fell in love with."

He needed no other reward than Greg's smile, a smile that seemed to light up the room around them. For a moment, that smile took Gil's breath away; it encompassed his entire world. He would do anything to see Greg smile at him like that every day for the rest of their lives.

That smile was all he needed to make his world whole. He hoped that his smile did the same for Greg, that he could let his boyfriend know without words, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he didn't need to be fixed, that he was loved. He was perfect exactly as he was.

Gil leaned forward, closing his eyes as his lips brushed Greg's. Then Greg was pressed close against him, and their kiss was deepening, awakening a fire within him. Yes, his boyfriend was perfect as he was, Gil told himself. There was nothing there that needed fixing, at least not in his eyes.

***