Title: Razor Burn
Author: liquid_latex
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI. If I did, there would be much more inappropriate slashy content.
Summary: Behold the pornstache! Dialogue-only fic, written at the behest of Saras_Girl. Just any excuse for hating on the pornstache. Pre-slash.

***

Hey Nick?

Hmm?

Did you always want to be a cowboy when you were little?

What?

Well, I was just thinking you know. With that moustache, you look sorta like a cowboy.

Give it a rest, Greg. We've got evidence to process here.

Right, ok, sorry. You know, could there be anything more boring than having to put back together papers that have been shredded? I thought being out in the field was going to be fun, this is tedious.

You could always go back to DNA.

Ah, but then I wouldn't get to spend this much time with you and your furry upper lip.

Whatever. I'm going to see if Hodges has the results back from that silvery stuff we found around the vic's neck. Have fun with your puzzle.

Yeah. Right.
Good news. Hodges identified the trace as silver face paint. That should narrow down our search a bit. Even more good news though, Hodges said he likes my moustache.

Hodges would say anything you wanted to hear. He's a kiss-ass.

Even more than you, G?

It's important to make a distinction when kissing ass. You have to know who's ass to kiss and when.

Hmm...so you're saying you wouldn't kiss my ass?

Speaking of kissing ass, Nick, know what I've been thinking?

I could hardly begin to imagine, Greg.

I don't think you look like a cowboy anymore.

Thank you.

I think you look more like a porn star from the '70s. Didn't I see you in that movie, 'Swallow the Leader'?

God, Greg. Give it a rest already.

No, seriously. You do look like a porn star. You could have a really cool porn star name too. Like....like Rod Steele. That's awesome. I wish I had a cool porn star name.


Greg, you probably couldn't grow a moustache if you tried.


I could. Question is – why would I want to?


Can we get back to work now? Please?


Yeah, sure. Of course. But just tell me one thing?


What?


Did you lose a bet? Is that why you grew it?

Greg!

Even if you didn't lose a bet, you could say you lost a bet. At least that would give you a reasonable explanation for doing it.

I don't need a reasonable explanation! I did it because I wanted to! Now will you shut up and get back to work?

Sheesh, sorry. I didn't know you were so sensitive about the whole thing. Guys with moustaches like yours aren't usually so touchy. You should really work on that. It doesn't jive with the macho-moustache thing. Your attitude is all wrong.

My attitude is just fine, thank you very much.

You're right. Your attitude is fine. It's the moustache that's all wrong.

I give up. I'm headed over to see Mandy with these fingerprints and when I'm done shift I will shave the god damn moustache. Ok? Will that make you happy?

You have no idea. Hey Nick?

What now?

I just think you're hiding too much of your face with that moustache. Really. You're just so damn beautiful, and your lips and your smile.....Well, they should just be seen more, that's all.

Greg?

Yeah, I know, I know. Enough about the moustache. That's all I wanted to say.

Thanks, Greg. Really.

~fin~

***