Title: Reach For the Sky
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5_prompts, Written in the Stars challenge
Prompt: A1, You have tough standards
Author's Note: Spoilers for the S5 CSI: Vegas episode "Who Shot Sherlock?"
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders, unfortunately, just borrowing him for a while. Please do not sue.***
Greg rested his head against the cushions of the couch in his living room, feeling drained but happy. He was still letting the fact that he had passed his final proficiency and was now a full-fledged CSI sink in; he hadn't quite let that knowledge slip into place yet.
It felt odd to know that his DNA lab was no longer really his, that he would now be working in the field and only using the lab when he had time to process his own evidence. There were some things about the lab that he was going to miss, but he was glad that he'd moved on.
He'd had his doubts about doing this; he hadn't been entirely sure that he was going to be accepted as a CSI after being a lab rat for so long. But he had been told that he'd done good work on the Sherlock case, not only by Grissom, but by others as well.
He was proud of what he'd done. He might not have come up with the correct answer, but his perseverance in the case had been what convinced Grissom that he was ready to make the leap into being a full-time CSI. He could feel good about his work.
Not only that, but he could look forward to being assigned to many more cases as he worked his way towards his Level Two certification. It was going to be exciting to work as a CSI; he was looking forward to the future more than he ever had.
Greg closed his eyes, sighing in satisfaction. He had wanted this for what felt like a very long time now; he had been working towards becoming a CSI, trying to balance that with working in the lab, and having a lot of self-doubts about whether or not he was doing the right thing.
And it had all paid off. He had done the right thing, he was sure of it. He had never felt this kind of glow, not even when he had graduated from Stanford and gone to work as an intern in the New York crime lab. This was the biggest accomplishment of his life.
Maybe other people wouldn't see it as such, but he did, Greg told himself. That was because he had been so unsure about whether or not he was really ready for this -- and even more unsure about whether or not he would be accepted into the CSIs world.
But that acceptance had come a lot more easily than he had thought it would. He might not be taken as seriously as the CSIs who had been in the field for a while, but that would come. They'd all told him that he had done good work on his last case, and that was a good start.
The only thing that had disconcerted him about that case was the fact that he had come to the wrong conclusions. He hadn't seen one of the leads, and he had caught the wrong person. But Grissom had been impressed with his work nonetheless.
Maybe he shouldn't hold himself to such tough standards, Greg mused. Sometimes, his own standards of what he expected from himself at work seemed higher than what Grissom himself and the crime lab would expect of him. He should ease up on himself a little.
But then, he wouldn't feel that he was doing all that he was capable of. He couldn't relax his standards; if he did, then he would feel guilty. And he wouldn't feel as though he had a right to be a CSI, or even be a part of the crime lab in any capacity.
He had always held himself to high standards, even when he was working in the DNA lab. He might have seemed like a goofy kid to some people, but he had always taken his work seriously. He knew that it was important, and he loved what he did.
But at the same time, he'd never seen why he couldn't enjoy his work, and have a little fun with it. There was nothing wrong with that; he could be serious about what he was doing and the objective behind it without having to be boring and stuffy about it.
He did have tough standards for his work, Greg told himself firmly. Just because he knew how to have fun didn't mean that he didn't take what he did very seriously. He took great pride in doing a good job, whether it was in the lab or in the field.
Grissom knew that. He had been able to see behind the goofy exterior Greg tried to present sometimes and find the serious adult beneath the silliness -- and he had been able to see how much Greg's work meant to him. He had been willing to give Greg a chance to prove himself.
And now, he had. He had reached for the sky, and he'd managed to achieve what he had been wishing for. Greg couldn't help feeling proud of himself; he had worked hard to become a CSI, and now that he'd done it, he felt that he deserved a pat on the back.
But now that he was actually a CSI, he would have to keep his standards high to stay there. He would have to make sure that he kept doing a good job; there would still be room for a little levity here and there, but he would have to keep proving himself over and over again.
He didn't mind doing that, Greg told himself firmly. It was part of the price of being a CSI, being on a more professional level than he had to be in the lab. He was out in the field now, seeing the victims of violent crimes and the families of the victims every day.
He'd always had tough standards that he expected himself to live up to concerning his work. He had always taken pride in what he did. But now, those standards would be raised even higher -- not by others, but by himself. And he would live up to them.
It might not always be easy for him to leave the silly, goofy side of him behind when he was in the field -- and he didn't think that it would be wrong to slip a few of his jokes in now and then. But for all intents and purposes, he had left that behind him when he had graduated to being a CSI.
Could the others take him seriously now that he had proven he was good enough to work in the field? He hoped so; he had been subject to more than a few personal self-doubts ever since he'd begun training for this job. He'd wondered if he would be better off to simply stay where he was.
But he couldn't have done that, Greg told himself. He belonged in the field, as much as in the lab. He loved working in both places, but working the cases, collecting evidence, satisfied a part of him that the lab never could. It made his world a lot bigger.
He needed that. He needed to not only utilize his training in the lab, but to put his knowledge to good use outside of those four walls. And now, he had the chance to do it. He was going to do his best, and not let Grissom down now that his boss had shown such faith in him.
He'd tried to reach for the sky -- and he had succeeded. He'd thought that he would fail for a second time, but his boss had been looking for qualities that he seemed to exemplify. Greg could only be thankful that he had let this case absorb him so completely.
If he hadn't, then he might never have come this far. He might not have thought that the sky could be within his reach -- but he'd taken the chance, and now it was in his grasp. And he had to take pride in that, he thought, smiling as he got up to go into the kitchen and make breakfast.***
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