Previous part of Reclaiming Life.

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Chapter 8 by Shacky

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Nick had never been so happy to see the lab.

After two months and three days sitting at home, he couldn't wait for his first night of work. He never liked the swing shift. He'd worked nights for almost seven years, he liked it. It felt as if he really was returning to his old job by coming back to graveyard. There was a bounce in his step that hadn't been there since last November when Ecklie broke them up.

He walked through the doors back as Stokes, CSI Level 3. Capable, confidant, and most importantly, cleared for duty.

Sure he fudged a little on a couple of his "tests" but that was between him and his closet. He wasn't going to share that information with anyone. He just wanted back into the real world so badly, get back to his "before" life as he had termed it. Before that dreaded night. Nick didn't like to use the word kidnapping because that made him feel more like a victim, and he was tired of being a victim.

Nick had a grin on his face as he walked up the steps towards the Lab. He walked down the halls and saw faces he didn't remember seeing before his "leave," but they seemed to know him. It seemed like everywhere he looked someone stole a glance at him. He even caught two women pointing his direction as he walked by. He gave them a quick nod and fake grin, and started walking faster toward Grissom and Catherine's offices. That is where he was first to report. Both Greg and Warrick had warned him about this, he was the talk of the Lab still, their own local celebrity. Great, just want he didn't want.

The unfamiliar eyes were making him nervous, Nick felt his heart start beating fast at the unexpected scrutiny from the one place that felt more like home than his own house did most of the time. He needed to find his team. They would all be here and they were a unit again. That thought put a smile back on his face as he walked into Grissom's office.

Both Grissom and Catherine were there waiting for him. Grissom held out his hand, which Nick took in a firm handshake. "Can't tell you how good it is to have you back on nights, Nicky. We've all certainly missed having you around." Grissom couldn't hide the grin that broke out on his face at having his whole team back together for the first time in months.

"You don't know how good it is to be back, Gris. I don't think I've ever been so happy to see this place." Now that Nick was in familiar surroundings and people, he was beaming.

"Glad to have you back at work Nicky, it hasn't been the same these past couple of months." Catherine said as she gave him a quick hug. "You are looking well and rested."

Which was true, he had finally healed from the bites that marred and burned his flesh for weeks. All the wounds were on the inside now, and no one was going to know they were there unless he wanted them to know.

"Well, you get two months paid leave and you'll find there isn't much to do but rest most of the time."

"Then down to business. We do have a little of that to take care of." Grissom stated matter of factly. "We need to go over the conditions of your return back to work."

"Yes, Sir, I know." Nick had been told the regulations before, but he knew they had to go over them verbally before start of shift.

"Okay, for starters Nicky," Catherine started "Absolutely no overtime for first week, eight hour shifts only."

Nick shifted his eyes at her. "No back talk Nick, this is how it has to be." Catherine instructed.

"I know, I'm just ready to get back. All right, what else?" Nick said, clapping his hands and rubbing them together.

"First week as you know you will be staying in the Lab, doing only lab work. After the first week, the three of us will meet again and talk about you getting back into the field." Grissom could see Nick's jaw tighten, but cut him off before he could start in. "I know you're not happy about that, but it has to be this way. We see no reason you cannot go back out into the field after your first week."

"You mean unless I freak out on everyone and start screaming or something." Nick couldn't help but feel a little bitter about that, and he couldn't keep it out of his voice. He was never good at hiding his emotions.

"No, that isn't what it means, Nick." Catherine interjected. "This is just protocol and you know it. I know you're eager to get back to your job, we all want you back, but we just don't want to push too hard all at once. " She tried to explain as calmly and by the book as possible.

"I know Cath, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to snap at you." He hadn't been relegated to lab duty since he didn't pass his weapon's proficiency test last fall, and that was only for one case.

She understood, but they had to do this right, both supervisors wanted to make sure their Nick was really okay for themselves if they were truly honest. The therapist's recommendations just gave them an easy out.

"And then you will also need to see your therapist at least once a week during the first month and she will keep us updated on your progress. If she sees no complications or setbacks with your return to work and the field, then after the appropriate time, you will be able to return to a schedule with the rest of the team. But only at her approval, Nick. Is that understood?" Catherine tried to keep it cool as possible.

Nick didn't speak but nodded his head because he had been informed that his bosses would be kept informed of his progress so they could up his workload, which is exactly what he wanted.

"Just sign this so it proves we had this talk and get down to the break room. Greg's making some fresh coffee just for you, he's glad your back on night's I think." Gil instructed.

Nick reached for his pen and scribbled his name across the line confirming they had the discussion of the "Resuming of Duties of CSI Level Three Nicholas Stokes". He looked at the top again, and grinned, he was back, and handed the copy back to Grissom.

"Go get your coffee Nick. There's no hurry getting to the Lab, nothing will be in yet for a while. We haven't had assignments handed out yet."

"Thanks guys," Nick said, as he stood up and started towards the door. "Thanks for everything. I wouldn't be back here it wasn't for you two, and I know thank you isn't enough." Nick was not going to emotional on his first night back.

"Nick, it was a team effort, and you are one of us. It wasn't the same here without you, and now that we are all back, we all couldn't be happier to have you back safe and healthy. Just take care of yourself and let us worry about the rest. Now go get your coffee." Catherine explained in a soft tone.

"Yes, Sir. Ma'am." With that, he walked out his superior's door and towards the break room. He could already smell the coffee down the hallway.

He poked his head in kind of quietly just watching Greg stand there, bouncing his head to some music that was only playing in his head as he retrieved two cups for coffee. Nick knew one of those was meant for him and couldn't help but smile.

"Is that the famous Sanders' coffee I smell or are my senses deceiving me?" He joked, as Greg whipped his head around, his face breaking out in a grin from ear to ear.

"Nothing but the best for you, dude." He said as he walked over to give Nick a quick guy hug, and the obligatory pat on the back. "Damn it's good to see you back here. God it's been so boring and quiet, and it's great to have you back on nights. All of this estrogen was starting to wear on me."

They grabbed their coffees and sat on the couch in the break room to catch up before assignments were handed out.

"I can imagine. It was getting a little crowded with just the three of us. Honestly I always kind of felt like the odd man out between Cath and Warrick." Nick confessed before he realized it.

"We have five minutes for office gossip, so give." Greg looked so excitedly.

"Not going there man, nope, not going at all."

"Damn tease, so how are you really doing, none of this bullshit. You look a lot better." Greg was being sincere, he didn't want the front; he wanted the truth.

"I'm doing all right," at Greg's skeptical look he tried again. "No man, I serious. Not gonna lie to you. I have my moments where I get a little shaky, but this is a big thing for me. Coming back to work on nights. Seems like a lot has changed around here since I left." Nick didn't want to admit he felt uncomfortable at the looks and obvious stares by strangers who just happened to work in the same building.

"Yeah, they hired quite a few new techs you haven't met yet, but they sure know you. You have been quite the talk around here lately." Greg wanted to let Nick know in case he saw the stares.

"I kind of got that feeling walking in. I just want to work G, not cause a fuss." Nick seemed defeated a little and Greg caught it quickly.

"I know that man, I know. It should calm down here a little after a couple of days. They have just heard about you in the news and stuff. Actually a couple of the new girls thought they would be nice and throw you a welcome back party, but I kind of put a stop to it. Hope you don't mind." Greg looked up at Nick sheepishly, hoping he didn't overstep his bounds with his friend.

"You put a stop to a party? Are you slipping, G? I can't imagine you would ever not want a party." Nick teased back, but in all honesty he was glad Greg did that for him. He didn't want to be the center of attention.

He just wanted to get back to his life, from before that night.

"I know being the life of every party and all, but I told them you weren't that kind of guy. If they knew you at all, they would know that would be the last thing you would want. I don't think I made too many friends that day."

"Well, I appreciate it man. The last thing I want is some big deal made out of me coming back to work. It's what I'm supposed to do. So thanks, I don't want any fanfare." Nick was thankful his friend had put his foot down about that.

"No problem Nick, but that doesn't mean that I couldn't get a new toy for you now that we are all back on nightshift. I figured we could break it in this week since you'll be in the Lab and have some time to kill." Greg handed a package over to Nick he had to the side of the couch.

"G, what is this? I don't want any welcome back gifts for goodness sakes." Nick couldn't believe what Greg had done.

"Well, that's too bad cause it's not just for you, since you, me, and Warrick are all back working the same shift, I though we could use a new system around here. Man, Dreamcast is so 2000."

Nick opened up the box and saw a brand new PS2 still in the box. Plus three new games, Madden 2005, NCAA College Football 05, and NASCAR 2005. He had to admit he was pretty excited about the new break room toy. Now that they were all back together again, they could goof off on their rare slow nights or just take breaks together again.

"Thanks man, this is great. Maybe you could sneak in some practice on those Patriots of yours after that ass kicking you too not too long back." Nick joked.

"Yeah yeah, you keep talking, but we all know who rules." Greg looked at his watch. "Well, I gotta get. I'm sure Gris is getting ready to handout assignments and I know you are gonna want to settle into your temporary digs for the week." Greg got up and dumped his coffee in the sink, and laughed to himself.

"What's so funny man?" Nick wondered what Greg could possibly have to laugh about.

"Nothing, just thinking about this situation. Look at us, here I am going to get my assignment for the night, and you're off to the Lab, kind of ironic isn't it?"

"Yeah, don't get too used to it. Only one week, and I'll be out in the field. Gotta get my feet wet again slowly, you know the routine."

"All to well my friend, take care, and don't take shit from Hodges, he's all talk." Greg yelled as he headed out of the break room as Warrick and Sara quickly came in for a quick cup of coffee before grabbing their assignments. They looked happy Nick thought; he hadn't realized how much of a toll the split had taken on the team.

"Hey look who's back! Good to see you man." Warrick grabbed his hand as Nick stood up.

"Great to be back man, I only wish I could be out with you guys tonight."

"It won't be too long and you'll be digging through human soup again." Sara swooped in for a quick hug.

"Listen bro, we gotta get a move on, Grissom handing out assignments and we just came in to grab some of Greg's coffee. One good thing about having Sanders around again, gotta love his coffee."

Warrick and Sara were out the door, leaving Nick alone in his thoughts. He really didn't want to go to the Lab, but anything to get back into the field, and it was only one week he thought.

He walked into the Lab. "Well, you guys are stuck with me for a week." Nick stated simply, as he grabbed his own dark blue Labcoat. "So, where do I start?"


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By the third night he was getting tired of only seeing the CSI's as they brought him evidence to process. They did it with heavy hearts knowing how much Nick wanted back in the field. But they also knew this was a necessary step to get back out there. Nick was really getting tired of the Lab rats, only Jacqui made it bearable because she treated him like she always did.

He didn't understand why he couldn't get back out. He knew it had only been three days but he had been fine. He wasn't having any problems in the lab, and he was starting to get bored with it. The same thing over and over, never getting to leave.

No wonder Greg wanted out so bad. Hodges was as short and curt as Nick remembered, but at least he didn't change. Archie was still cool and laid back, even though Nick knew Archie was one of the Techs that got an up close seat to his nightmare. The Asian didn't look at him different, or pity him. They talked about cases and Star Trek and the new game system Greg had bought for everyone.

He still felt like he was being watched inside his own place of work. Some people he didn't recognize would walk by quickly and stare at him. The glass, the Plexiglas. Nick didn't notice before, there was glass everywhere. He never looked up long enough to think about it. It wasn't really that dissimilar, he could see through it, but he could also be seen. He was like the specimen again, being watched and stared at. He quickly shook himself from his thoughts; he wasn't going down that road again.

But for the rest for the rest of the week he made sure never to look up through the glass walls. Ever. He wasn't a show for anyone to see, he wasn't a freak to be put out on display as every emotion rolled through his mind. Not by his bosses, his teammates, and damn well not by a bunch of strangers that looked at him like he was untouchable, behind the glass of his new confines. Four more days, he could do four more days, just as long as he kept his head down and focused on the evidence to be processed.


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The last day in the Lab was the longest eight hours he had spent since, well since ...

He wanted out of here... Away from the confines of this place. Both Grissom and Catherine told him they saw no reason why he couldn't be released for field duty after tonight's shift. He almost wished they would have informed him after shift because it made the last eight hours of lab work seem like eight days. He wanted back out in the field so bad, he could hardly stand still to process evidence. He was excited, anxious and happy all rolled into one hyper ball of energy. He hadn't felt this good since he learned the team was getting back together.

After shift hey all decided to go out for breakfast to celebrate Nick's return to the field. It was like old times. They headed to their favorite spot, even Doc Robbins and Brass came along. The gang was all there. They were laughing the morning away over coffee and cases Nick had missed out on while he had been gone. He didn't feel bad for once. He loved hearing about life going on, and to be caught up and be one of them again. He ate his omelet and hash browns down like he was a starved man.

"What Nicky, didn't anybody feed you while you where home?" Catherine teased at the blushing criminalist.

"Nothing this good. I missed this greasy place. And it just feels great being back here with you guys, you have no idea."

"I think we do Nicky, we all missed you these past two months, it hasn't been complete without you back on the night shift."

Grissom stated as best he could. He still wasn't as free with his emotions as the rest of the team, but he learned a lot during the rescue as well. One person couldn't do it alone. Human contact and companionship were as important as anything. He'd forgotten that for a while, but he never intended to let that happen again.

Warrick lifted his coffee cup "To Nick, CSI Level 3 back in action." Followed by several rounds of "To Nick!"

With the clinking up coffee mugs Nick felt like he was finally putting all of this behind him. It has been two months, one week, and three days. He was getting past it and moving on, letting it go, and he hadn't felt this alive since before that night. He grinned so hard to thought his face would hurt.

The waitress came back to their tables clearing their breakfast plates and refilling their coffee cups one more time. Nick noticed something was off, something in the air... something smelled wrong, but he couldn't place it.

"Here's your check ya'll, just let me know when you're ready for me to take it." She grinned and then Nick saw it, knew what he was smelled.

She was popping bubble gum. He hadn't even thought about it since that night, that sweet sickly smell, the thickness of it in his mouth as he chewed it quickly in his rush to get that damn light off. Shoving the sticky pink stuff into his own ears to muffle the gunshots knew he was getting ready to fire.

In the background he could hear Grissom, Catherine, and Brass fighting over who was going get to pay for 'Nicky's Breakfast Celebration.' Nick could feel his stomach turn over as he saw that pink bubble gum popping between her teeth, that ghastly smell wafting towards him.

Greg saw Nick visibly pale and instantly grew worried but didn't let on to anyone else. They were too busy having fun talking about next week's work and still fighting over the check.

"If you'll excuse me I'll be right back." Nick said hurriedly and rushed off towards the men's room unnoticed by most at the table who were wrapped up in their own conversations.

Greg quickly excused himself too because from the look on Nick's face he knew something had triggered a bad memory and something was desperately wrong all of a sudden. He waved Warrick down, who noticed Nick's change in mood as well and took after his friend.

Nick had barely made it to the bathroom in time before the contents of this morning's celebration meal was emptied in the toilet. He kept retching until he was sure everything he had eaten within the last three days was out of his body. He was soaked in sweat and couldn't stop shaking. The shakes didn't help settle his stomach as another round of dry heaves ravaged his already tired body. In the background he thought he heard water running but he wasn't sure. He laid his head against the cool porcelain afraid to move, afraid that it would start another round of heaving.

He heard a soft knock on the stall door. "Nick, it's Greg, it's only me. I'm coming in."

No 'May I come in', no 'are you ok', just I'm coming in. Nick liked that idea, didn't want to have to think, just wanted not move.

He felt the air change and Greg squatted down next to him and placed a cool wet paper towel across his forehead, and another across the back of is neck. Nick gingerly moved to wipe his mouth with his shirtsleeve, he still had some dignity, or at least he liked to think so.

Greg sat up and went over and threw the towels in the toilet and flushed them and the offending contents away.

"Just stay right there, I'll be right back, Nick."

Greg placed a reassuring hand on Nick's shoulder gently and walked back out and double-checked to make sure the door was locked. He didn't want to be disturbed or add to Nick's embarrassment. He grabbed two more paper towels and wetted them down as before and retuned to Nick who was now sitting up and leaning his head against the stall.

Greg took the cool paper and wiped down his forehead again, trying to cool off his friend. He tried to bring some color back to Nick's face and calm him down. He sat next to him on the floor, didn't say anything, he figured Nick would talk when he was ready.

After about five minutes of calming down and regaining his composure, Nick looked over at Greg.

"Thanks man, I'm sorry, I uh, I don't know what happened. God I feel so humiliated." Nick hung his head between his knees and looked like a kid who had just broke his parent's window with a baseball.

Greg understand what it was like and wanted to be there. "Hey man, you have nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing to be sorry about. I know what it's like man. What was it? Something brought a vivid memory back right?"

Nick just looked at him and wondered when Greg developed the ability to read minds, but still didn't say a word.

Greg took the initiative. "For me it was something small. I thought I was over it, forgot all about the explosion, moved on, gotten past it, all of that bullshit. Then the stupidest thing set me off." Greg just looked down and laughed softly to himself at the memory.

"It was Thanksgiving that fall. I was home actually, one of the few times I got back for a holiday. Did I ever tell you my Mom is not the best cook, well she's not. She forgot how long to cook the turkey. When she took it out, it was burned to a crisp and everything."

Greg paused as he gathered his thoughts. "The smell. All I could smell was charred, burned, turkey skin. I was completely lost in the memory, the smell, the flash, the feel of glass surrounding me, my skin smelling like that. I was right back there, because of a damned burned turkey. I made it to the bathroom just in time and threw up everything I had eaten in the past week I think. I was so embarrassed. I was supposed to be over it, it had been six months."

Greg sighed. "Its always the little things."

Nick just looked over at Greg, realizing how little he knew the explosion had affected his friend.

"Bubble gum, the waitress was chewing bubble gum. I uh, I had my gum in my pocket with me down there. I didn't even think about it until I was going to shoot out that light. I didn't want to hurt my eardrums in case I actually got out. I stuffed it in my ears." Nick almost chuckled. "Pretty stupid, huh?"

"No man, not stupid at all. Hell, I wouldn't have even thought of something like that. You used your head, and saved your hearing. I can't promise you that there won't be little things like this that catch you off guard and can send you right back to that place, but I can tell you that they will start happening less and less often. That one day, you'll get a craving for bubble gum and it won't make your stomach turn, and it will taste good again. It took me another year before I could eat turkey."

They both laughed at that, because Nick realized that Greg was right, and maybe one day he would like bubble gum again, cause if Greg could eat turkey, he could chew gum.

"Hey Greg, would you mind if, uh if, we..." He couldn't quite get the words out. He didn't need to.

"No problem man, I'll keep it between us. That's what friends are for, right?" Greg looked over at Nick who just nodded

"Thanks man, I don't want them worrying, thinking I'm not ready to be back out there yet."

"Hey, one has nothing to do with the other. It just takes some time, now you ready to return to your party." Greg stood up and offered his friend a hand up.

When they got back to the table, Greg was afraid that Nick's panic attack would be hard to keep quiet. His face still had a grayish pallor to it, plus he was slightly shaking, which was hard to hide. But he promised his friend and he would be his best to keep in between the two of them.

"So, when did guys start going to the bathrooms in groups?" Sara piped in keeping with the light mood.

Greg chimed in quickly so Nick wouldn't have to think to fast on his feet. "Well, when you gotta go you gotta go. Plus I needed Nick's opinion on the new hairstyle, and that's something guys just don't do in public." He hoped the light tone he was keeping was being sold to the group and Nick slight smile gave them no reason to doubt him.

"Yeah, the many styles of Greggo, I told him he just needed to go short like me, wouldn't have to worry about it then." Nick decided to help his friend out as since it was Greg's covering for him.

"Are you OK Nick, you don't look so good?" Catherine couldn't help but notice the color of Nick's skin and the sweat on his brow.

"Yeah, I'm uh, I'm fine, just a little tired, long shift, and my celebration, just a little worn out I think."

Nick fidgeted in his seat a little and stole a quick glance at his friends and plastered a smile on his face.

"Nick man, are you sure, you don't look so good, maybe you should have someone drive you home." Warrick couldn't keep the worried tone out of his voice.

"I said I'm fine Rick, do you all you need my therapist's note for that also? I'm just tired, thanks for the get together guys, but I'm beat and ready to go home."

"Oaky Nick, if you need anything . . . ." Warrick tried to say quickly before Nick was gone.

He just looked back at his friends and said "I won't," and continued to walk out the door, leaving several of his friend a little stunned, except for Greg, who understood and knew he just needed to be alone.

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Nick made it home by himself just fine like he knew he would. He just wanted to shower and sleep. He went into the bathroom, and took off his clothes. He opened his shower curtain, and thought back to that night with Warrick. He felt so humiliated and ashamed having his friend witness him like that. It wasn't bad enough he saw every moment of suffering in the ground, he had to put on another freak show for Warrick. He thought about that night and stared at the bathtub, the shower could wait until later he decided.

He just wanted sleep now, so he gave in to his weakness, and grabbed his prescription bottle, which he rarely touched. He opened it and let a sleeping pill fall into his hand.

"What the Hell." He said to himself in the mirror. He tossed it into his mouth and took a quick swig of water and swallowed them down. That should help he decided, he earned a peaceful sleep after this week.

Nick walked into the bedroom, pulled down his blackout curtains, and then turned his cell phone off. He didn't want anybody checking up on him. He turned off his light and crawled into bed and slept.

***

Chapter 9 by Kristen


It was his sixth night of being back at work. He loved being back out in the field, but the cases they kept handing him were getting old. One B and E after another. He knew they were handing him softball assignments, he was a CSI still, and seemed to think other people forgot that. He was sitting at the table sipping coffee and taped his fingers against the table with pent up energy at finding out about his assignment for the night.

Warrick popped his head into the break room waving a piece of paper in the air. "Come Nicky, let's get a move on, we got a B and E down at a pet store. Let's get."

Nick didn't know whether to laugh or scream. Sighing deeply, he pushed aside the dark thoughts that continued to plague him.

Progress, it was all progress.

Nick's face scrunched up. "Did you say a pet store, Rick?" Nick couldn't keep the astoundment out of his tone.

He laughed at the craziness of it.

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Nick and Warrick wandered through the parking lot towards their vehicle. Both criminalists headed for the driver's door, with the intent of getting in. Both men gave each other a knowing look, as each refused to back down.

Nick chuckled under his breath. "I see we're at a standstill over who's driving."

Nick opened his left palm and made a fist with his right hand as he gestured for their usual game of paper rock, scissors to determine who was going to be the alpha male on this trip.

Warrick snorted and simply yanked open the door and slide into the driver's seat. "No calls on this one partner."

Nick just gaped at the other CSI. "Now that's just cold, man," he said, as he walked over to the other side of the SUV.

Warrick didn't comment as he drove towards their destination. He wasn't in the mood lately over games of chance. If Nick picked up on this irrational behavior he didn't let on.

Nick on the other hand just stared out the window. "Jungle Mania" was on the other side of town. He couldn't recall how many breaking an enterings, assaults, suspicious circumstances and other odd cases he had been assigned to of late. One thing that did occur to him, every single case this past week, he always rode with Warrick.

Of course following his provisions for ebbing back into the field he knew solo work was a long way off, but he wondered who insisted on Warrick Brown's presences at every scene. If both his supervisors were assigning the details, or if his partner had insisted. His gut told him the latter, and this made him feel slightly uneasy. His partner was going to have to let go of the guilt that was crushing him like some dead weight sooner or later. Nick had tried to talk to him about it, but his partner was just as good as he was, at avoiding subjects that were not up for discussion.

Nick felt that Warrick would eventualy let things go, or they were going to have to sit down and talk about it. Nick smiled. Maybe he would challenge Rick to a basketball game and then it would just be the two guys, a court, and both of their bottled up emotions.

Warrick continued to glance over at his partner. "You still brooding over not drivin'?"

Nick actually laughed out loud. "Nope. Just psyching myself up for our next case." Nick looked to see his partner's frustrated expression.

Nick sighed; he really wasn't all that upset over their newest softball assignment. Maybe changing tactics would be a good thing he mused. "A robbery at an exotic pet store. Our bad guy must be other really bored, or just plain stupid."

Warrick pulled into the lot of their next scene. "You kiddin' me, man? I expect you to be like some kid at a candy store. Birds, fish, lizards, turtles, snakes, and even some stuff that might fall under Grissom's area of expertise."

Nick allowed a slightly amused grin. Both men meet Detective O'Reilly at the door who filled them in.

The gruff cop didn't hide his less than thrilled attitude over the situation. "Silent alarm was triggered. I rolled and found the place pretty intact. Safe was opened, a couple hundred dollars stolen."

Warrick nodded. "Was the safe forced?"

The older man shrugged. " Nope, looks like someone who had the combination."

"Inside job more than likely." Nick mused.

"I'd agree. Owner came down just a little while ago to take inventory on some of his stock. Said some pretty expensive fish and lizards were missing." O'Reilly signaled for them to enter the store.

Both criminalists followed carrying their kits. A man in his early fifties with short silver hair and glasses was pacing up and down in front of his counter, wringing his hands. As he saw the trio approach, he became very animated. "Finally, some people who might expedite this situation. Not only have I been Shanghaied, but my animals have been kidnapped. I know time is of the essence."

Warrick tried to suppress a grin; O'Reilly didn't even try to hide his annoyance. Nick held out his hands in a calming gesture.

"Its all right, sir. Why don't you tell us what's missing."

The storeowner went into a long diatribe about his missing stock. Both criminalists scanned the owner's records. He had about thirty missing exotic fish and amphibians. After some brief calculations Warrick looked over at his partner and whistled. "Over ten thousands dollars for a bunch of lizards and goldfish."

Nick shook his head. "Well, they are not your run of you mill fish, Rick. Certain Japanese fighting fish are prized as a delicacy and are popular in underground circuits. Also many zoos have wait lists for some of the lizards that this guy had. It seems Mr. Landers uses this shop as a place of operations for private collectors. I bet his cliental is from all over the country."

Warrick's grin continued to widen after every word.

Nick looked him perplexed. "What?"

"Nothing man. So, Mr. Animal Planet, where would one go to sell these things? Is there an underground market?"

Nick laughed. "I have no clue, man. Discovery Channel doesn't cover the seedy shades of animalnapping."

Detective O'Reilly came over with his usual happy disposition. "You guys all right here? I just got a call for multiple homicide on Butler Street."

Nick's curiosity was piqued but he wasn't about to ask any questions. "We're fine here."

The older man turned to leave, but Warrick followed his retreating form. "When's the next officer on the scene?"

O'Reilly looked at the taller criminalist somewhat confused at the question. His gaze drifted over at the older owner who was talking rapidly on his cell phone, then over to Nick Stokes who was patiently waiting on his partner. Realization dawned on him.

"Um, well its not procedure on robbery cases, Warrick. But I'll get someone over here right away." The heavyset detective eyed the criminalist, any comments he had were kept to himself.

"Good." Warrick was all business. "Then would you mind taking the owner outside while we're going over our scene?"

The detective raised his eyebrows at that request. It was obvious the CSI wasn't taking any chances of late. "Will do," he said gruffly.

O'Reilly went over to escort the owner outside despite his protests of being ejected from his own business. Warrick wandered back in to divide up the scene.

Nick had his hands on his hips, and gave the other CSI a pointed expression. "This is a pet store, bro. I don't think our suspect is going to come and hit it again."

Warrick matched his partner's expression with a serious look. "I'm just following protocol. People have been lax of late."

Nick just smiled and shook his head. He stepped closer as he kept his voice low. "Lax? Warrick, I've never seen so many cops hover around scenes like the ones you and I have worked the past week. There is no threat level here, cut O'Reilly some slack. I'm sure his next scene is a bit more vital then this one."

Warrick's eyes were bright with intensity. "O'Reilly stays till the next officer is sent here." He said in a deeper voice.

Nick chewed on his bottom lip. "Fine, man." He said a bit testily.

The Texan pulled out some latex gloves in slipped them on each hand and canvassed the store with his eyes.

Warrick seemed to relax a bit. "Which area do you want?"

The other criminalist seemed to consider his options. "I really don't dig amphibians. I'll go check out the fish."

"Figures. I'll get the safe and head over to the lizard area next."

Both CSIs grabbed their kits and headed into opposite sections of the store. Warrick walked behind the counter and squatted down near the safe. He still couldn't understand how people could pay so much for animals, but then again he'd seen people spend a ton more loot on other senseless things. He gathered up his supplies and set to work. He knew O'Reilly had all ready gotten a list of people from the owner who knew the combination to the safe.

Nick marveled at the amount of fish tanks in the store. Each aquarium contained every kind of fish imaginable. Every color and size was represented and Nick caught himself studying them in awe. The criminalist shook his head; he had to visit this place when he had more time. He carried his kit to the backroom, where the more prized and expensive fish were kept.

The room was small, and very low lit. Each tank hummed from filtering the water. Nick glanced at his inventory list and went over to the far end to scan the ones with the missing fighting fish. These tanks were huge, over forty gallons in size. Each aquarium sat on a very large stand. Nick began dusting the tops of the lid since the suspect would have touched them in order to snag the fish. Nick took his time lifting every sample and started to move down in front of the tank.

He found dozens of prints on the front of the glass. It would take forever to gather the numerous sets as well as analyzing them back at the lab. Nick maneuvered over to the next tank and studied the now empty waters. He shook his head ruefully at the absurdity of this particular crime. He heard the noise of the tank behind him and glanced at the row there. The CSI wondered how much the owner's water bill was for this facility.

"No way this replaces the ocean," he said under his breath.

He saw some of the prettiest orange striped specimens swimming around in the unit behind him. Nick smiled, he have to really do some research of aquatic life when he was done.

Nick shifted down the wall of glass as he searched for the next tank that had been robbed. Each unit was numbered and he would double check with the master sheet in his hands. He went down to one of the tanks that made up the corner of the room. Just like the other one, the CSI started with the lid and worked his way down to dust the front part of the tank.

The unit he was working on must have been a popular one from the amount of prints he was gathering. He thought maybe the owner would be more meticulous about keeping the aquarium spotless. Mr. Landers didn't know much about Windex cleaner. Nick stayed in the caddy corner of the building for a while as he went to his knees to powder the bottom part of the large aquarium.

The criminalist heard the loud bubbling of the tank behind him; the filter system seemed to be working over time in that unit. However, what was more distracting, was the unit to his very right. The light bulb was excessively bright. The units that surrounded him housed an array of tropical fish. The temperature of each tank was set higher and the lights were brighter.

The CSI wondered how higher sets of light ever truly represented the sun, it wasn't like the rays reached that far down in the ocean. The quiet was kind of nice; this little storehouse was an interesting room. Nick tried not to look directly at the light from the tank to the right of him, but its illuminations were distracting. Nick stayed crouched down, his intense focus on the front glass structure.

Nick's mind began to wonder a bit, his peripheral vision kept grabbing his attention. The glow of the bulbs were right at eye level and his fingers began to tremble slightly.

"What the Hell?" He mumbled to himself as he stared dumbly at his fingers.

Nick looked up and stared at the inch thick glass in front of him. The hallway of tanks were like a solid wall of glass in front and behind him. He backed up, but his shoulders hit the tank.

The air seemed to thin out. The room wavered, and started to close in on him. His breath hitched in his throat, a few droplets of sweat dotted his brow.

'No. I'm not going to freak out now. Calming breaths. Deep calming breaths.'

Nick stood up quickly. He placed a latex covered hand on top of one of the tanks exhaled heavily. He looked around franticly trying to replace the images of Plexiglas with the calming realism of peaceful fish. Nick let his hand slide down to the front of the tank. He could feel the cool exterior of the glass.

They say all five senses are equally important. Nick could see all the glass around him. Hear the stillness of the room punctuated by the low humming. The noise was like the eerie sound of several fans. Feeling the glass beneath gloved fingertips was just too much.

Nick hurried as fast as his feet could take him out of that room. He nearly ripped the door off its hinges when he threw it open and bolted out. He hurried into the store and made a beeline for the outside. He brushed past the officer assigned to the scene who eyed him wearily as Nick hurried into the parking lot.

Nick placed his hands on his knees, as he calmed his breathing. It wasn't near the panic levels of weeks ago, but it was certainly some kind of anxiety attack. His throat had not closed in on him, but it was like he couldn't take being in that enclosed space.

Nick slowly began to calm down. He was embarrassed by his slip up. He tried to refocus his attention on his job. Nick squared his shoulders as he gathered his thoughts. He turned around and headed back into the store.

When he reached the doorway he was met by his partner. Warrick had the same worried expression that he had sported for almost the first month after the incident. Nick had hoped he'd never see that look again.

Officer Tanner was standing alert only a few feet away. Nick knew his cheeks were burning; he really wasn't up to any kind of scrutiny. "Just needed some fresh air," he explained. The excuse sounded lousy to his ears.

Warrick didn't even pretend to buy into his lame explanation. The other CSI hesitated briefly, choosing his words wisely. "You all right?" It was a genuine question.

Nick was all ready nodding his head in a positive manner. "Yeah." He laughed softly and shrugged. "Nothing I can't handle." Nick cleared his throat. "I'll get back there and finish."

The criminalist tried to walk back in, but Warrick had not budged from the entrance. Nick's nonchalant mannerisms started to ebb away to a more frustrated posture.

"Warrick, I'm fine."

The taller CSI narrowed his eyes. "You put a dent in the wall from where the door handle impacted." Warrick's expression softened. "I checked it out...the room is...very small. I should have taken it, I'm sorry."

Nick frowned. "Don't apologize to me, man. I'm capable of canvassing that room. I just let my thoughts drift. Won't happen again."

Nick was getting overly agitated, but he didn't want this to escalate into some kind of set back. He could imagine the report that Grissom and Catherine would read and interpret from this. "I have three more tanks to process."

"No, I'll complete it. Why don't you examine the rest of the cages in the amphibian area."

Nick took exception to the commanding tone of his partner. "Warrick, I don't take orders from you. We're of equal rank."

"You have any of your meds with you?" Warrick asked.

Nick looked over at the officer whose ears perked up at that last question. A bit angry, Nick grabbed Warrick's shoulder and led him further in the parking lot. In a low voice covered by a thick accent Nick whispered. "I'm not on any more medication. And no, I don't carry any with me."

Warrick shook loose of his partner's grip. "Nick, you're not ready to go back in that room. If you don't have anything to combat a panic attack, then I'm taking over. No arguing about it." Warrick explained.

"It wasn't a panic attack!" Nick stormed away for a second as he tried to reign in his temper. He turned on his heel and stared at his partner. "I felt closed in. I came out here to clear my head. End of story."

It appeared that Warrick was going to continue the argument, but Nick wasn't going to let him. "I have to fight my own battles. You can't do it for me all the time."

Without any further comment on the discussion Nick stalked past his partner and went back into the store. He could hear Warrick follow him. Nick cast a look behind his shoulder and continued into the back room. He found his spot again and sighed deeply. He picked up his brush and started dusting the next area.

Nick remained in the room for the next hour. He fought back the suffocating feeling that gripped him a few more times. He regretted his hostile tone towards his friend. It seemed like his coworkers were antsier then he was at work. Their combined concern was causing more pressure for him to act as normally as possible. Nick knew he might encounter a few setbacks, he wasn't stupid. The overbearing behavior of his colleagues however, only served to make him even more unsure of himself.

His task completed, Nick gathered his collections and put them away with the rest of his kit. He found his partner speaking to the officer. He didn't hear any of their conversation, which made him even more paranoid when they stopped talking to each other once his presence was noticed.

Nick nodded towards both men. "Ready to roll?"

"Yeah." Warrick answered quietly.

Both partners drove back to the lab in an uneasy silence. The topic of what transpired at the pet store was never brought up. Nick wanted to know what his partner was going to type up in his report. However, he really didn't feel like getting into another argument. The tension in the SUV was unsettling so Nick turned on the radio. Neither man spoke as they got out of the car and both entered CSI to work on their case.

***

Chapter 10 By Shacky


It had been five nights since the incident at the pet store, and Nick could still feel some oddness between him and Warrick. One of them was having difficulties letting go, and it wasn't him. He spent his day off at home. Alone. No visits for once and he had all day to lounge around and watch baseball. However, the serenity of that quickly wore away, when his next four nights on shift were spent on an endless amount of B and E's. Then there was the missing person...who wasn't.

The "missing" wife thought shed 'get away' for a few days without bothering to tell anyone. It was almost laughable by now, but he was slowly getting more and more agitated each night. His coworkers still acted a bit off around him. He was always treated with over politeness or painful awkwardness. Hell, even some of the cops assigned to his scenes acted overly nervous around him.

Worst of all was the increased tension between him and Warrick. He felt like he had some invisible collar strung around his neck, with his partner straining to keep him within arm's reach. Nick didn't know how to feel. He loved Warrick like a brother, but the man was almost like some nervous father, the term over protectiveness didn't even begin to describe what it was like working with him. Nick missed their banter, small chitchat between shifts, locker room talk, discussing women and their escapades. Now it was just concern and worry. It was driving him crazy and no one seemed to notice. Nick felt like stopping in the middle of the lab and scream at everyone to go check in their issues at the desk.

He wanted to work. He wanted to do his job, but no on else seemed to think he was capable yet.

Warrick was his constant companion. Nick couldn't help but wonder what or if Warrick said something to their supervisor's about his small panic attack. It really was no big deal to him. Actually he thought he handled it pretty well compared to the vomiting in the diner the previous time he experienced one. He knew Greg understood what it was like to have everyone watch your every move, waiting for you to fall. That was what he felt like Warrick was doing, waiting for him to fall. But he wasn't, going to. Not now, not after all this time and work.

He had tried to sneak a peek at Warrick's report to Gris before it was sent off. The last thing he wanted was to have his supervisors and team members start second guessing him because of a few damn fish tanks. He got through it just fine he thought. He recovered quick and finished his job. Why couldn't Warrick see it that way?

He had a moment the following week, where he thought it was going to change. They all scrambled to the scene. Two DBs. It looked like a husband and wife, at a very large and upper class estate in one of the better parts of Las Vegas. All hands on deck for this one. Finally, he would be back on a murder case, after almost two and half months.

The team had all gathered when he and Warrick showed up. Grissom barked out orders to his team. Some things never changed.

"Here's what we've got. Female and male DB's were found by the groundskeeper this afternoon. I've already been here for a while and got the walk through done. Both DB's had their throats slit, and were shot at close range. This is a big one guys, keep it quiet." Grissom instructed his team.

"David all ready released the bodies. We're scouting this as the primary crime scene. They were both killed outside, back in their garden area near the side of the house. It seems to be a very important spot for some reason. The garden is quite elaborate. So we'll focus on there to see if we can't find out why."

Catherine chimed in with the rest of the details that they had noticed on their earlier walkthrough. "The garden will be our main focus, this murderer was sending a message with it somehow. The wife was found in a wheel barrel in the garden area, but she was covered in her award winning Daffodils. Husband was found a few feet away near the wooden stakes holding up his tomato plants. This might be a personal vendetta against the couple."

"I've seen this house in Better Homes and Gardens." Sara chimed in.

Catherine nodded. "This couple has won numerous awards for their garden. This all seems too personal to leave them out here with their prizes otherwise. We are ruling out robbery as a motive or a random break in. Nothing was taken, no jewels, no artwork, or anything of value. This feels like revenge or a crime of passion."

"We are also assuming they this garden was a project that they themselves worked on diligently, something personal to them, or they wouldn't have been killed and lain out here. So guys, let get at it." Catherine looked back at Gil to hand out assignments.

Grissom scanned his eager Team.

"Sara, I want you working the perimeter of the garden. I want anything that looks out of the ordinary. This was a very carefully kept garden. I want any broken flowers or plants noted. Get footprints plastered and matched against all the groundskeeper or anyone else that had any reason to be here. This place was immaculately kept; nothing should be out of place. If something is, I want it noted."

"Got it." Sara picked up her case and started around the front gate. She put her gloves on and started her search for anything out of place.

"Warrick. Catherine and I want you to work the overall sketch of the scene. I want everything detailed and marked. Like I said nothing here should be out of place, so if it is, note it. Any rock, cigarette butt, lay out everything for us Warrick."

"I'm on it." Warrick went off to his delegated assignment as well, leaving Nick and Greg waiting for their turns. Catherine followed him.

"Cath and I are each going to take a body. I will take the husband, and Catherine is going to process the wife. I need a different kind of help from you two."

"Uh Gris, where does that leave me and Greg?" Nick questioned his boss. His discontent at the situation was apparent. He had the sneaking suspicion he was being delegated to rookie work.

"I want you two to go back to the Lab and hit the computers. We have absolutely no motives for these murders. I want you guys to check through phone, credit, and computers records. Also look for any expense accounts of gardening centers. Focus on any gardening or flower awards, contests they might have been entered in and won recently. Look who came in second, and maybe cross check how many of the same people were in the same flower shows. Look for anything that doesn't look right."

"You want us checking out flower shows? This is the biggest case in months and I'm on desk duty?" Nick didn't hide how upset he felt. It was his first murder since he got back and he was supposed to be at the Lab and search the computer and phone records.

"Yes, Nick, we need a connection to anything with this garden and these flowers. Maybe a rival got too upset from their constant winning. There might be a tie to some fellow competitors." Grissom explained. He wasn't in the mood to be second-guessed by one of his CSI's.

"Well, I'm going to go wait in the truck for you Nick. We'll get right on it, Grissom." Greg knew words might be exchanged between the two and he thought it would be best to just get out of the way. The last place he wanted to be was in the middle of a shouting match.

"Why am I not working the scene, Gris? You all have been handing me softballs since I got back. If I couldn't handle it. I wouldn't be here. I want to work this scene, Grissom." Nick didn't notice his voice rising or the incredulous stare of his supervisor.

He continued on, the anger he had been feeling bleeding into his tone. "Damnit! I've done my Lab time. And don't think I haven't noticed Warrick glued to my side ever since I got back doing ever B and E in the greater Las Vegas area. When are you guys gonna let me work a scene like a CSI?" He couldn't keep the bitterness from his voice.

"Nick, working the computers and on the motive is just as important as processing the scene. Without motive we don't have a case and you know that. Plus, I am your supervisor and do not owe you any explanations as to your assignment." Grissom stated his reasons, even if the didn't admit all of them to himself.

"No, what I know is that I have been at back for work for almost a month. I've only been in the field with Warrick, handling cases that a Level One would oversee."

Nick fixed his boss with a serious look, the stress he had been feeling pinching his features as he unloaded. "You guys are so scared to let me do any real work. That's your problem, not mine. I am willing to take that chance Gris, it's my job. " Nick had raised his voice loud enough to attract the attention of the other CSIs.

Nick stood there staring astounded at his supervisor. Maybe Warrick had told Grissom about the pet store incident. He couldn't understand any other reason why Gris wouldn't want him working the actual scene. "Don't you trust me either? Are you waiting for me to freak out also? Or are you waiting for me to fail also so you can keep me safe in the Lab?"

"Nick, you don't get it." Grissom said somewhat exasperated. "This is a garden, a fairly large one."

Nick just stared at his supervisor with a look of utter confusion. It was almost priceless.

Grissom exhaled slowly, then he spoke in a much quieter voice. "Who knows what kind of insects inhabit such a spacious botanical area. In fact, I have a pretty good idea. Pesticides or not. I just can't take the risk of you being in there." Grissom's voice was almost defeated in nature. This admittance almost too much.

"I can't yet. It's too soon for me Nicky, I can't take that risk with you." Grissom seemed almost fragile now. It was an obvious effort to let the other man know his reluctance.

Nick swallowed he was touched by the concern. He would have killed for such attention years ago from his mentor. But right now, it was the last thing he wanted.

"You aren't taking the risk. I'm trying to do my job, and you all are holding me back. Not for me, but for your benefit. I'm not...I'm not trapped underground anymore." Nick's last words were forced.

"I'm right here. That's also why I carry this just in case." Nick pulled out his now constant friend, his epi-pen . "I don't have the problem anymore," Nick cast a glare at his coworkers who were trying their best to work on the scene. "You all do."

With that, Nick stormed his way back to the truck attracting the attention of everyone at the scene. He hated seeing all his coworkers stare at him.

"Enough people, back to work." Grissom shouted to the rest of his team letting them know the show was over and the decision was his take make. He went over and started processing the body of the husband.


---

Greg was already sitting in the truck having heard most of the conversation between Nick and Grissom. How could he not? Unlike Nick's usual partner though, Greg was sitting in the passenger seat holding out the keys to his friend, who eagerly grabbed them. Nick started the truck and headed back towards the Lab.

Nick gripped the steering wheel so hard on the way back his knuckles were white His jaw was clenched so tight that the cords around his neck stood out. Greg thought it had to be painful to be that tense. Not a word was spoken between the two on the short drive back to the Lab. They both hopped out and shut their doors. Greg noticed Nick shut his with a little more force than necessary.

Their first words weren't spoken until they were settled into the evidence room pouring over computer printouts and phone records. Pictures of prize Daffodils taken at the last three recent flower shows the couple competed in were spread all over the table.

"Look Nick, I know this isn't where you want to be, stuck here in the Lab with the rookie looking over phone records. But at least it's a murder case again. This is the first homicide you've got to be back on since your return. And I know it's not where you want to be, but it's a start." Greg was once again trying to be the optimistic one, showing Nick the positive side of the situation.

"G, it isn't that at all. I can do my job. They won't let me. They don't think I'm ready." Nick got out of his chair and started pacing.

"They aren't ready to let go of me. Let my out of their sight. They can't take the chance that something might happen to me again."

Nick was obviously frustrated at his situation but who knew Greg could do nothing about it.

"Nick, remember what I told you that day at the Lake? I don't think you get it." Greg's voice got lower. "We thought we were watching you die. We couldn't help you... we watched you scream and in pain." Greg swallowed. "All we could do was...was grasp at straws."

Greg couldn't help the tremble in his voice at the horrible memories. "We care about you man, and we came so close to loosing you. Give us a little space and time. This wasn't just about you. I'm not saying you didn't suffer the most or take the most torture, but what we saw...all.. of it. I don't know if no one else will ever fully forget that."

"I'm sorry G, but I need to get back to my life, before that night. I want to be the same person you all saw me as before. I feel like no one wants me to be that person again. I have to be or I can't continue working here like this." Nick felt defeated in his admission.

"Nick, they will, we all will. But give us some time too. You're part of our family, even Grissom's. Even though he won't say it, he was scared too. Now let's do our job and show them all that we make the best team this crime lab has ever seen. I'll go get some fresh coffee while you get these papers in order." Greg hoped he was breaking through some of Nick's anger at his teammates. He wanted to show him they did mean well. They just didn't know how to express it.

"Yeah, ok man, ok. I'm sorry, I uh, didn't mean to unload on you. You are the one person who still treats me normally." Nick said sheepishly, almost embarrassed.

"Well, that what friends are for Nick, like I said, give them a little time. It was hell on them too. So, how bout some coffee and let's get at this mess of printouts?"

"Sounds good to me man, I'll be here waiting for you." Nick watched the newest CSI walk out the door. He thught about what he said, about what they all must have seen and went through that night. He knew it was difficult, but he had a life to get back to. Right now it started with this paperwork in front of him, and he would prove to them all he was still the same old Nick.

***

Chapter 11 By Kristen


Nick stifled a lazy yawn as he searched for another cup of coffee. He had started going back to the gym on a regular bases again. He was still in very good shape; he had only lost a little muscle tone over the past few months. However, it was going to take him time to get used to the running, swimming, and weight training he had been accustomed to in the past. Nick didn't perform at any of his peak times or anything, but it felt good to feel the endorphin high of a good work out. His doctor had agreed it was a good outlet for some restlessness and it might serve to let him sleep deeper at night.

He wasn't plagued by the countless nightmares like when he got back to the hospital; however, his sleep was interrupted at least a couple times a week by bad dreams. Nick still avoided his medications at all cost, except for a rare time or two. Strenuous workouts had certainly alleviated some of this the past few days.

Nick rounded a corner to find Warrick and Catherine in the hallway. He wasn't in a bad mood, which had been a bit more common with him of late.

Catherine begun to be a bit more relaxed around him more. Their conversations were more casual and normal.

"Hey, Nick." His boss greeted.

"Hey Cath," he replied in his usual friendly tone. He looked over at Warrick and gave him his head nod hello.

"What's goin' on?" Warrick asked, something he said when he never expected an answer.

Nick grinned a little. He and his partner often asked each other what was going on as their hello to each other. The criminalist looked up expectantly, his partner was a bit tense, which wasn't unusual for him of late. That basketball court to exorcise both their demons was looking better every day Nick thought.

"You and Warrick got a 419 at a liquor store. Vega is heading to the scene as we speak." Catherine said in an easygoing manner. She looked at Nick almost as if studying his reaction.

Nick's grin widened. He wasn't about to make a smart-ass remark. It was about time he got to work on a homicide. He stole a glance at the lanky CSI who stood rigidly next their supervisor. Nick ignored the tension. Not even his over protective partner could ruin this moment.

"Great." Nick looked over at Warrick. "I'm driving." Nick even winked at him.

"Picture that." Warrick responded.

Nick couldn't help but smile further. That was almost the "old Warrick", competitive about any aspect of the case, including who got behind the wheel.

"I'll meet you in the parking lot, bro." Nick beamed as he tapped Warrick's shoulder good-naturedly.

"Meet ya, there." The other criminalist shouted after Nick's retreating form.

Warrick gave his superior an uneasy expression as he sighed loudly.

Catherine Willows was not going to have any attitude thrown her way right now. She put a hand on Warrick's arm and stared at him intently. "Nick's a grown man. You're going to have to let this go eventually."

Catherine always used the word "it" or "incident" around the other CSI. She didn't back down even as her coworker scowled at her. "I know that," Warrick acknowledged gruffly. "He may act like he's moving on, and everyone in this damn lab might try to pretend that things are back to normal."

Warrick cleared his throat as someone walked by, but his intense gaze never faltered. "However out there...out in the real world, danger is around every corner. And I'll be damned if we all just forget what can happen."

Catherine shook head. "Bad things occur, Warrick. You can't stop them all and you can't be responsible for everything that goes on around you." She closed the distance between the both of them, her face peering up at him. "You got to let go of the guilt, or you might as well leave part of yourself back in that hole in the ground."

Conrad Ecklie started down the hallway and Catherine turned her attention towards him, thus halting their conversation. She walked away casting her colleague a concerned look.

"I all ready did." Warrick muttered to himself as he went to catch up with the subject of their conversation.

~~~~~

Both criminalists walked from the truck over to the local liquor store. The shop was located in run down part of town, on a corner street, with poor lighting. Both CSIs took in the surroundings knowing that sketchy locations in bad neighbors were often a bad mix. Detective Vega was standing outside with one other officer. He nodded to both men as they approached.

"Nick. Warrick."

"Vega." Nick answered.

Warrick nodded.

"Store closed less than half an hour ago. 911 call reported shots fired and an officer investigated ten minutes later. DB is behind the counter, shot point blank, single tap to the head. Money drawer's empty." Vega explained the situation in his usual, concise manner.

"Surveillance?" Warrick asked.

"Still checking the tapes." The detective answered.

"No witnesses? No one saw nothing or heard nothing?" Nick ventured to ask. He knew the crimes in situations like these, left very little to go on.

"Nothing, but our dead guy." The Latino replied. "The clerk might have shot the suspect. There's a weapon near the body, and some blood in front of the counter."

"Find any shells?' Warrick asked, studying the outside of the store.

"Haven't been here long enough." The detective shrugged.

Warrick looked over at the door, with bars along the inside window. It was ajar, he stepped closer, it hadn't been busted open. So the robbery might have occurred while the business was still operating.

The CSI looked around trying to spot any suspicious people. A cabbie was parked across the street. The driver and another person were talking between each other. A couple of wanna-be gang bangers were smoking cigarettes across the street. They would cast their looks over their direction every once in a while. "No eye witnesses, yeah I buy that." He said sarcastically.

Vega looked over. "I all ready spoke to them. They gave me the usual silent treatment. Took down their info."

Warrick didn't hide his surprise. He scanned over to the right at one of the other closed businesses, a check-cashing joint. A man in a ratty windbreaker and scruffy curly hair was eyeing them with interest. He leaned against the building and quickly looked away.

"You ready to go in?" Nick asked, interrupting Warrick's thoughts.

"Yeah." He answered and both CSIs began their investigation.

The shop was a typical cramped set up. Enough room for the booze, a small counter, and not enough room to occupy that many people. Nick stopped short after only a few steps. He shined his light on a drop of blood and put one of his markers down as he snapped a photo. He scanned the area looking for a shell casing.

Warrick walked past him and peered over at the counter and let out a low whistle. The body was slumped down, but the blood spray peppered the back counter. Blood stained the area and splatter was all over some of the bottles of liquor stored on shelves above.

"Man, this was very close range." Warrick shined his flashlight over the DB, brain matter particles were all over the front of the counter. The whole scene was a complete mess.

Nick followed some of the blood drops further in the squat building. "Yeah, well he might have gotten a shot off." Nick had all ready placed three markers down and canvassed the floor for any sighs of a bullet. "The slug might still be in out perp. We'll need to check all the local ERs for victims."

"Keep searching. Might be embedded in a wall, or shelf." Warrick mumbled, as the he went to the back counter. "Man, this is going to take all night. I hope the coroner isn't too tied up".

Warrick began taking photos of the body, detailing every angle of the DB. Then he started taking shots over the surrounding bloody stock behind the dead clerk.

"Yeah, the bullet could be anywhere. " Nick observed, as he continued to document the blood drops. He walked further to the back of the store. His camera flashing in the tiny shop. He squatted down to take another photo and headed towards the back door.

The front one opened and David the assistant coroner, arrived to go over and then release the body for investigation.

He wandered behind the register area, his eyebrows arching. "Not the prettiest site of the night."

Warrick moved out of the way, while the man went to work. The criminalist looked over at the interior of the store and noticed Nick's markers, their pattern leading away. He tightened his jaw muscles as he continued to look for his partner.

"Body has only been dead less than an hour." David called over his shoulder with his findings.

"Yeah, I know." Warrick answered somewhat distractedly. He started following Nick's trail with his eyes, as it led toward and out the exit door.

"The body's all yours. Just sign the needed paper work, " David went on a few feet away.

Warrick tried to keep himself in check. There was no need for this damn irrational worry. Maybe Catherine was right. He needed to loosen up a bit, allow Nick to regain some self-confidence. And he needed to get a handle on his nerves. Warrick licked his lips. He could hear some lecture from his therapist echoing in his head.

"Yeah, yeah." He answered David, heading back to the body.

~~~~~

Nick had inched his way into the alley. He got into a flow of snapping shots, dropping his marker, and tracking the small trail of blood. He scanned the narrow area for anything out of the ordinary. He wasn't going to take his surroundings to chance anymore. The path was quiet and still. He flashed his light over the asphalt trying to locate any more blood. The splotches of were getting further apart and the drops smaller.

Nick wiped his forehead with his arm, careful not to knock off his hat. He took a deep breath and headed towards a dumpster as he followed his trail. He noticed that the blood stopped near the trash receptacle. He studied the area, trying to determine if the suspect might have tended to his wound. Nick looked for anything that could be used to stop possible bleeding.

He rummaged around, his flashlight illuminating wherever he directed it. "Where did you go?" He wondered out loud.

Nick heard a noise and saw a man hidden in the shadows several feet away from him. Instantly alert, Nick straightened to his full height, his hand near his holstered weapon.

"Hey." Nick stepped closer to the figure. "Come over here." He ordered.

The person held his hands up in front of him, and nervously inched closer to the CSI.

"I'm s-sorry, sir. I-I'm not here to cause trouble." A quivering voice spoke.

Nick shined his flashlight at the approaching man, taking in his old blue windbreaker. The guy blinked several times by the brightness of the beam. Nick noticed his unkempt shaggy beard and hair. Nick studied that man, he had two mismatched shoes, and ratty old jeans.

The stranger was shaking slightly, obviously from nerves, but Nick didn't know what he was so skittish about.

The man pointed at Nick's vest. "You, a cop?"

Nick wandered closer to the possible witness. "I'm a criminalist for the Las Vegas Crime Lab. What's your name?"

"I'm Sam. Sam Williams, officer."

Nick didn't feel the need to correct him. "What are you doing over here? This is a sealed off area."

"I-I live around here," the man responded shakily. He was starting to stare past Nick, his eyes darting around the alleyway.

Nick didn't feel that the homeless guy was a threat, but his mannerisms were making him a bit anxious. "You got some ID?"

The shifty guy started backing away. Nick kept his right hand near his weapon as he carefully took small steps to keep the distance between them equal. "Sir, do you have any identification?"

It was obvious that the nervous man wasn't going to stand around for questioning. Nick grabbed his radio with his left hand to request assistance, when the motion set the guy running away.

"Hey, wait!" Nick shouted after him. He pressed the button on his two way. "Detective Vega, do you read?" Nick had all ready adjusted the frequency so his request wouldn't go blaring to every cop in the city.

"I read ya, Stokes. What's up?"

Nick wasn't going to pursue the guy. "I just caught a homeless guy back behind the store near the dumpster. He ran off before I had a chance to get any ID. He might be a possible witness or suspect."

"What's his description?"

Nick gave the detective all the needed info as well what direction the man ran off to.

"I'm calling for back up, Nick. Officer Reynolds and I, think we spotted your guy. I'll keep you informed."

Nick stood in the small alleyway trying to take in that last few moments. He felt a light sweat break out around his forehead, but otherwise he felt fine. He contemplated his next move when the exit door burst open. Nick spun on his heel, his hand gripping the butt of his gun.

"Nick! You all right?" A panicked Warrick shouted, as he jogged over to where the other criminalist was standing.

"Jesus, Rick!" Nick yelled, his heart pounding against his chest. "You scared the Hell out of me!" He complained a bit angrily

Warrick scanned the area, his heavy breathing loud in the still back alley. "I heard your request," as if that simple explanation answered for his weird behavior.

Nick narrowed his eyes; his partner had his radio tuned to pick up broadcasts by anyone near the scene. The criminalist shook his head. "Some homeless guy wandered over. I wanted to find out if he knew anything or saw maybe what happened. But he freaked out just after I requested some ID."

Warrick's eyes' drifted around taking in every inch of the alley. "Yeah. Guy have on a dark windbreaker?"

Nick furrowed his brow. "Yeah. Vega and Reynolds are searching for him." Nick's expression was curious. "How did you know?"

Warrick shrugged. "I noticed him when we arrived. He seemed a bit shady, but I didn't think nothing of it." Warrick blew out a breath. "I'll help you out here, till they get back."

Nick cocked his head. "Dude, last I checked, you got a body to process and I still have a trail to follow. Super Dave still here?"

"Yeah. He's almost ready to leave. " Warrick walked past his partner. "You check out the dumpster?"

Nick growled under his breath. "I was just about to." The criminalist stalked over to his last marker and picked up his camera. Then he stood toe to toe with the bigger CSI. "Go back in, Warrick. I got it out here."

Warrick Brown hadn't budged. The CSI's feet seemed glued to their spot and it was obvious that his mind was trying to rationalize his behavior.

Nick wasn't going to give his partner a chance to cop up an excuse. "Stop baby-sitting me, man." Nick's voice was low and even. Not exactly menacing, but his tone should have sent the message loud and clear.

Warrick seemed to take exception to the accusation. "Nick..."

His partner cut him off. "Go process the body and leave me to do my job." Nick's voice was thick, his accent heavy. He placed both hands on his hips and glared at his friend.

Warrick backed down and grudgingly left.

Nick walked over to the dumpster. He went to his haunches and searched for anything amiss. His frustration and guilt eating away at him. The CSI's concentration took a walk, and he stood up somewhat hot headed. Nick paced up and down the thrash bin, his blood pumping fiercely in his veins. He hated how he was feeling of late.

Paranoia. Fear. Anger.

He just wanted things to be like they were before that night.

That one fucking night.

Nick kicked the dumpster hard, moving the receptacle by several inches. He slammed his hand down on the side and tried to control himself.

Were things ever going to be the same, he wondered.

~~~~~~

Warrick ignored David as he carried on about the body. He knew he should be paying attention. What a coroner had to say about the preliminary. However, his mind elsewhere, Warrick just stood mutely on.

The other man obviously sensed something was off and made a speedy exit with the body.

Warrick was going to make his way back to the counter when Vega entered the store.

The detective nodded at the criminalist. "Still haven't found that guy. I radioed to Stokes that Officer Reynolds is still canvassing the area."

Warrick grunted, slightly frustrated at the news.

"I'm going back out front to see if I can gather anymore statements."

Warrick watched the man leave, his thoughts still drifting back to the alley. If Vega was in the front of the store and the other officer was tracking down that homeless guy, then Nick was outside with no one watching his back.

His brain told him to stay put. Let his partner work the scene, fall back into their respective routines before the Hell of three months ago. Warrick gritted his teeth. That was the problem; things were never going to be the same. It didn't matter if Nick got pissed at him; he wasn't not going to take any more stupid chances.

Warrick practiced what he was going to say as he strolled over to the backdoor. Confrontations. He was never the best person at defusing situations; his sharp temper and mouth always seem to get his ass into hot water. He'd stand his ground this time.

Warrick pushed open the door walked a few steps outside. He let his eyes adjust in the dim light and saw his partner crouched down scouring the area under the thrash bin. He was defiantly on the hunt for something. Warrick didn't want to sneak up on him, but he noticed some movement from the corner of alley.

The homeless guy was approaching Nick from behind; the shady character was sticking close to the wall almost out of sight from all the shadows.

Warrick's mouth almost lost its ability to shout out a warning. He was all ready drawing his weapon and storming across the short distance to the where his partner was working unaware of the danger.

"Freeze! Put your hands up where I can see him!" Warrick shouted, spit flying out from the force and urgency of his voice.

Nick almost fell down, as he turned around so fast to see what was going on. His hand was pulling out his own weapon on the reaction to the words he just heard.

The homeless guy's arms were not up in the air like they should. His hands were in front of him, shaking so bad that it was hard to tell if he had anything at all in them.

"I said hands in the air!" Warrick ordered again, his finger itchy on the trigger. He glanced over at Nick, who seemed to be taking in the whole scene in shock.

"Get beside me Nick!" Warrick ordered through clenched teeth. He wanted his partner right there next to him. Not a few feet away, not so far away that he wasn't in control of the situation.

Nick's focus was on the scared as hell man, trembling a few away. Nick stepped towards the homeless guy. "Warrick, the guy's unarmed."

Warrick didn't know what to say. His Glock was pointed at the suspect... at the danger. Nick was certainly not going towards him like he requested. "Back away from him, Nick. Call it in on your radio."

Nick radioed the situation, but he was more worried about his partner then any possible threat. The criminalist saw the nervous man rooted to the ground. His eyes were like those of a deer in headlights. The guy's hands were empty; it still didn't cause his antsy partner to back down.

"Warrick, he's got no weapon. Put yours away." He ordered.

Warrick Brown was still trying to take in the entire thing when Detective Vega came bounding into the alley. He grabbed the suspect, turned him around, and cuffed the man before anyone else said a thing.

The "suspect" was now babbling away his apologies. Scared to death by all the commotion.

Nick walked over to him as Vega questioned him. The CSI stood and listened, as the poor man explained that his blanket and few possessions were hidden away by the dumpster. He was just trying to get them back. The man continued on for several more minutes, obviously frightened by the police. He had been scared that Nick was going to steal his things.

Nick glared at Warrick who listened intently to the story. There was no weapon, no real danger. He felt guilty, but regretted nothing. He looked over at his partner.

Nick knew Warrick well enough, that the man wasn't about to apologize. His mannerisms and facial expressions were an open book. That wasn't going to let him off the hook. No way. Nick's frazzled mind was too cranked up to deal with this...not yet.

Nick knew that Warrick got the message loud and clear. No words were needed, the air crackled with such tension, that even a single sound might cause one of them to lose their cool.

When both of them had the time to regain some composure things were going to go down. It was going to be tonight and it wasn't going to be pretty.

***

By Shacky


------

Nick went back and finished up his work in the alley. It didn't take that much longer, but he couldn't help but feel the 'ghost stare' of Warrick on him for the rest of the time at the scene. Nick found himself searching for that permanent worried look on his coworker's face, but Warrick never came back out to the alley.
More paranoia.

Nick shook his head. The ride back was quiet, and no words were even spoken about who was driving, Nick still had the keys. He didn't utter a syllable, as he opened up and sat in the driver's seat. He ignored the glaring stare from Warrick from the passenger seat. Nick turned on the radio so he didn't have to sit through the uncomfortable silence the whole way back to the Lab. It wouldn't be soon enough for either one of them.

They both hopped out of the SUV. Nick opened up the back of the vehicle and grabbed his kit and the evidence they had gathered. A lot of blood and prints, but nothing pointed toward any particular suspect or even a motive besides a simple robbery. As Nick closed up his truck, he noticed that Warrick was already halfway to the building.

Nick decided enough was enough. "This ends, now." He muttered under his breath.

Nick took his evidence and stormed his way into the building. "Here," he said leaving the night's finding in the Lab with Hodges. "I need this processed. Not much there, but just blood samples."

Hodges answered back with his usual "Yeah, when I get to it."

Nick marched off to the locker room where he was sure his partner was. Sure enough, Warrick was in the middle of packing up and putting his stuff up for the night.

Nick wasn't waiting for an invitation to start. "Warrick, I can't have you looking over my shoulder all the time. When are you gonna let things go?" Nick half-pleaded, half-ordered. He hoped for a quick talk and conclusion. He didn't like confrontation, especially with his best friend, but he be damned if he would take this anymore.

"When am I gonna let this go?"

Warrick whipped his head around, and by the look in his eyes, Nick was wrong about this being over quick and painless.

"When are you gonna smarten up and pay attention, man? That guy was practically on top of you and you never noticed. Where was your head at, Nicky?"

Warrick's words only served to escalate Nick's already angered mood. "My head was where it always is, Warrick. On the case. Doing my job." Nick's twang was heavier than normal. "Which you seem to have a problem with me doing lately. When are you gonna let me off my leash?"

Voices were being raised, and this was heading towards a bad outcome fast.

"You apparently need a leash, Nick. You weren't even paying attention around you... again. Wasn't one time enough, Nick? Or do you like looking for trouble?" Warrick knew he had crossed a line but it was too late to take it back now.

Nick's eyes widen at the accusation. "Screw you." He growled. "I go... looking for trouble? You pull a gun on a poor homeless man tonight just looking for his few meager belongings and I go looking for trouble." Nick was shocked to say the least that Warrick had made such a charge.

"How was I supposed to know that? At least I was looking out for you. Which is something you apparently never learned how to do." Warrick itched closer. "Or I guess it's always just 'bad luck' for you... Right, bro?" Warrick spat back with an intensity in his eyes Nick rarely saw. It was a stare reserved for suspects.

Nick didn't back down though, and stood toe to toe with the taller CSI. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? I get buried in a box and I go looking for trouble?" Nick was stunned. He couldn't believe he was standing here defending himself, his jaw was so tight; he could feel his muscles twitch. "So, what are you saying, Rick? That I can't look out for myself anymore? I can't be trusted to be in the field alone?"

"It's always something isn't it, Nicky? First it was that Hendler woman, you turned your back on a suspect in the house. Got a gun shoved in your face, or did you forget about that? The only thing that saved your ass that night was Grissom's quick thinking to go back and save your butt." Warrick loomed over Nick, he was on a roll, and his lips were off and running before his brain could process what he was saying.

Not even the open mouthed expression on Nick's face could stop him. "Then there was Nigel Crane, you didn't even secure the scene before you walked in that apartment, did you? He pushed you out of a two story Nick, you're damn lucky you just happened to land in the bushes."

Warrick didn't let his posture up; he was going to use size if he had to make his point.

Nick was backed up against his locker.

"Maybe if my partner had been in there with me instead of on the damn phone, then he wouldn't have gotten to me! Huh Warrick? Maybe you're the one with the guilt here." Nick began pointing his finger at his partner's chest. "Maybe you know you should have been in there with me, and maybe that would have never happened if you had been doing your job."

Nick knew he went too far with that when he saw Warrick visibly flinch at his words, but they were true. Warrick should have been in there with him. He damn well didn't go looking for Nigel Crane.

Warrick was now beyond furious. How dare Nick accuse him of being negligent? The Crane thing wasn't his fault, it couldn't have been. Damnit!

Things had gotten loud enough that they had started attracting the attention of a few people out in the hallway. Sara was just about to go walk into the locker room and break this up, but Greg stopped her. "Let me go put an end to this, Greg. They're gonna say something they are going to regret." Sara pleaded with Greg as she tried to get past him.

"Maybe they need to. This has been building between them way too long, just leave them and let them talk it out." Greg was tried to rationalize the argument to Sara.

"If they were talking fine, but they are going to attract the attention of the entire Lab pretty soon." Both Greg and Sara stood back, making sure no one walked into the locker room. They both hoped their two friends could possible work this out tonight. Or get it out of their system.

"Oh, Nigel was my fault now huh? Well, Nick, I would like to think that at least I would have noticed if a complete stranger was living in my home. How long had he been in your attic, Nick?" Warrick allowed an evil chuckle. "You never even noticed." Warrick shook his head. "Not everyone has good intentions in the real world, which so seem to forget. You are a CSI Level 3 Nicky, not some damn rookie, why don't you act like it?"

Nick stared into the whites of Warrick's eyes, because he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Now the psycho living in the attic was my fault also? Was it my fault he killed Jane Galloway? Like I don't feel bad enough about that. So, I went looking for that too. I asked for it, I suppose." Nick's face was turning a very bright shade of red at the yelling match and the intensity of the situation.

He couldn't believe Warrick, of all people, was saying these things to him. "I'm a bad CSI now. All of those things that happened to me were my fault. I went looking for all that trouble you think, huh? Well, then why the hell do you work with me then, Warrick? If I can't be trusted to take care of myself, how can I take care of my 'partner'?"

Nick was beyond furious, being blamed for all of those horrible things. Questioning his ability. His eyes glistened with anger at the man in front of him, but it was past the point of no return. The words had been said, they couldn't be taken back now.

"Someone needs to look after you obviously. You can't even get a girl without screwing that up either. When's the last time you had a woman Nicky, what was her name, Kristi right?"

Nick's eyes lit up with fire at the mention of her name and he balled his hand into a fist at his side.

"Oh shit." Greg muttered, he knew that was the last straw.

"One time in five years you manage to get a woman and look what happens. It almost ends your career, or better yet, gets you locked up in prison for the rest of your life on murder charges. Can you imagine what prison would have been like for you, Nicky? They would have loved you there, for what, a God Damned hooker!"

Warrick didn't even see the fist coming towards him. Nick saw was red, he tried to take care of Kristi, that wasn't his fault. He was trying to save her damnit!

How dare he even... "You son of a bitch!"

He brought his fist up and hit the locker next to Warrick's head so hard he left a dent in the offending piece of metal. Blood on his knuckles, and a look he never thought he would see in his friend's eyes because of him.

Fear.

Nick looked at his partner, then down at his hand, and finally the dent in his locker. He looked in his friends eyes. He was shocked by his own outburst and anger. Nick grabbed his keys and left the locker room, walking by a stunned Greg and several other onlookers.

He got out of the Lab as fast as he could.

***

Chapter 13 By Kristen

~~~~~~

When Nick entered his townhouse, he couldn't even recall how he got to his door. He swallowed hard, wondering how fast he must have driven, and thought ruefully how close he might have gotten into an accident. His chest was heaving, he still hadn't managed to get his harsh breathing under control since the outburst.

Nick stood in the middle of his living room, his ears filled with the pounding of his heart. He felt another light sweat break across his forehead, and wiped the perspiration away with the sleeve of his arm. Nick started pacing up and down in the confines of the room, kicking at any piece of furniture in the way of his furious stride.

His hand hurt from when he smashed it into the locker. That little flashback playing over and over again in his head, like it was caught in some odd freeze frame action. All the words exchanged echoed in his head. Nick couldn't calm down. Instead, his fiery temper escalated as he thought back to all the accusations from his best friend.

His cell phone kept ringing, and Nick ignored the pesky shrill-like noise that told him that probably more than one person was looking for him. He pulled the offending device out of his pocket, saw the message that read 5 missed calls. He studied the readout, when he noticed his hand tremble.

Nick looked at his left hand dumbly to see it shaking as well. He inhaled a deep, breath.

'No, no, no, no, no,' his mind screamed.

Except his internal mantra of denial was being out done by all the hate filled words of his partner. His brain was buzzing on overload.

The cell phone beeped again and Nick slung the thing across the room where he heard is crack from the impact.

Nick held his head in his hands, trying to will all the noise in his head to go away. When he wiped his hand across his face, he noticed that it came away moist.

"No, no, please stop it." He half choked to no one.

Nick headed for the medicine cabinet in his bedroom. He knocked over bottles till he found the one he was searching for. He tapped one out, and swallowed it dry. He hadn't felt the need for any of his meds in weeks. With shaky legs, Nick managed to drag himself to his couch, where he collapsed, almost exhausted. Nick felt the floodgates reach their breaking point. He looked up from his sofa and noticed the light of one of his lamps. Still reeling from his uncorked rage, he grabbed the lamp with shaky hands and hurled it off the end table.

His living room, was engulfed in darkness and Nick was left utterly alone with the sounds of his uncontrolled sobbing filling the room.

Greg Sanders stood outside Nick Stoke's door for a few minutes. His hand wavered for several moments before he pulled it back. The other criminalist wasn't answering his phone and it took every ounce of determination to keep everyone else at bay at the lab. His coworkers would be expecting some sort of progress report, but the newest criminalist had warned not to expect an immediate phone call. This might take some time.

Knowing a lot of people's worry and concern, including his own, was weighing heavily on his mind. He forced himself to knock hard enough for Nick to answer. Greg stood there for a while, and put all his weight on his tip toes, then back again to the balls of his feet. He wasn't going to be ignored, so he just banged harder.

Finally, the door cracked open. Greg could see Nick study him for a moment, till the other man stepped away, a gesture that the ex-lab tech knew was his invitation to enter.

Greg walked into the foyer area, as Nick shuffled his way back into his living room and slumped down on his sofa. Greg noticed the dimness of streetlights filter in from one of the windows in the dining room. It was the only source of illumination.

Nick's expression was hidden behind weird bands of shadow and light. Greg stood silently as Nick took a sip of beer. The younger man studied the two other empty Heinekens on the coffee table. Greg took in the small destruction of the room and sighed inwardly.

He took a set in a love seat next to the sullen man, and waited for him to speak. Greg sat there for quite some time, his inner voice telling him he might be here all night, till a harsh voice interrupted.

"Who sent ya?"

Greg adjusted his weight a little. Who didn't, he wondered. "I wanted to come."

Nick seemed to mull over his answer. The CSI drank some more of his beverage. "Who knows?"

Greg wondered where honesty would get him right now. He'd never lied to his friend before. "Most of the graveyard shift."

Greg heard a grunt and Nick finished off his beer and tossed it on to the coffee table where it rolled to a stop next to the others. "Am I suspended?"

"Not that I know of." Greg answered. The truth was, his superiors were just worried, not a very new concept when it came to their subject.

"What, no report has been filed?" Nick asked, his voice a shell of his old self.

"Warrick didn't want to talk about it." Greg explained. "Can't have a report, when there's no documentation of any action."

Nick slid his elbow onto his lap, and placed his head wearily against his hand. "I'm fine, Greg," Nick said.

Greg arched an eyebrow. "You know mixing meds and alcohol is never a good combination."

Nick looked up somewhat surprised.

"I know you can pound away more than a six pack. I count only three bottles and with your slightly slurred speech, its easy to pick up."

Nick actually cracked a grin. "You're going to be a top CSI in a few years, Greg." Nick's voice was nothing if not sincere.

The younger man didn't say anything. He would let his friend lead the conversation.

Nick shook his head. "You know what the damnedest thing of it all is?"

Greg leaned closer. "No."

"I was scared in that alleyway. When that homeless guy first came over, my hand was itchy over my gun. It...it was intense."

Nick folded his arms on his lap, and sat forward. "I was very vigilant the whole time...yet.." Nick's voice trailed off.

"It could have happened to anybody," Greg tried to offer.

He didn't expect Nick to burst out into laughter.

After the near hysterics were done, Nick quieted down and looked in the Greg's eyes. "I'm not loosing it, Greggo. All of you guys are driving me up a wall. I've been doing fine. I can't be expected to recover when all of you keep walking on eggshells waiting for me to crack."

"We're not waiting for you to slip up." Greg defended.

"In fact, I'd say all of you are the ones pushing me to a breakdown. Maybe if I do fall, then maybe you can justify all of your over bearingness." Nick continued, ignoring Greg's response.

Greg didn't like being ignored. He grabbed Nick's shoulder and forced the other man to look at him. "What's the worst thing about it?"

Nick looked at him in confusion. '"What?"

"All of this supposed over protectiveness. What's so bad about it?"

Nick blinked a few times. "I don't need it."

"Why?" Greg pressed.

"Its not necessary. I'm fine. I'm not cationic. I'm not stuck in some Plexiglas box anymore. I've been out. I'm still me." Nick locked eyes with his friend. "I don't want to be treated like some victim anymore."

"We don't treat you like one, Nick. What is it really?" Greg continued.

Nick growled low in his throat. "I just want to be normal again. In control of my own life."

"You hate it when you feel like you don't have any control?"

Nick snorted. "No one likes being treated this way. You guys keep trying to run my life. I can't stand it."

Greg licked his lips. "I know all about it, Nick. We all do." Upon Nick's continued confused expression Greg went on. "Walter Gordon's plan was all about control. Every part of his scheme was about cold-blooded revenge. To be in command."

Nick swallowed. Greg could tell he didn't like this subject but it didn't matter. "He just didn't want to kill you Nick, or any other CSI who happened to come along his well thought of trap. Walter Gordon was a scientist. A man who crafted every aspect of his great experiment, having planed and anticipated everything."

Greg's voice was as serious as Nick had ever heard.

"He wanted us to suffer. The Lab. Your coworkers. We had no control what so ever. We were useless. Felt useless."

"I know." Nick responded.

"No, you don't." Greg shook his head. "We talked about this at the Lake, but I think in a weird sort of way, you only now are able to understand even the slightest what we went through."

Nick played with the fabric of his jeans as he listened.

"If you hate how we make you feel, that we're keeping you from going back to your life. Just try to keep in mind what all of us went though as well. Warrick may have been out of line tonight, and he might be a bit overbearing. But all he's trying to do is retain some of the control that was taken away from all of us that night."

Greg took a deep breath. "We're just floundering away. Give us a chance. Let us try to get our control back from the asshole who ripped it from us."

Greg rubbed his face with his hand. "We all have issues dude, from that night. I stopped counting the nightmares, and I'm sure Warrick's is probably worse. That guy was really messed the whole time. It tore him up, being forced to watch ...to watch you."

Nick looked away for a moment. "I guess...I just... didn't really think about it...like that."

Greg noticed Nick's fingers tremble slightly. The other man caught him staring. "Its nothing."

"Its...uh, not really any of my business, but have you told your doctor about any of this?"

"About what?"

"Everything we've talked about."

Nick scrunched up his face in annoyance. "We talk about the box. After the box."

"I think we've discovered tonight, that there's more to what's going on then just the time you spent in there." Greg eyes' darted down to Nick's hands.

The Texan looked like he was about to launch into another argument. Greg held out his hand. "I'm not an expert, dude. I'm not telling you want to do, but even I can recognize signs of PTSD. If you don't share with your therapist everything that's going on in that head of yours, then things are never going to get better."

Both men sat in silence. Greg knew he didn't need to say anything else. The two men talked about work a little more. The younger criminalist let himself out, when it was obvious his friend was worn out. Greg got in his car and began the task of calling a very long list of people.

For the first time in weeks, Greg felt that Nick was finally taking the last steps to really get past his nightmare.

~~~~~

It was Nick's night off. He slept all evening and into the day. He made an emergency appointment with his therapist and spent two hours at the man's office letting him know some of the things that had been bothering him for the past few weeks. It was agreed to increase the visits to twice a week, and Nick promised to be open about everything from now on. His doctor explained that his increased anger and paranoia were signs of his developing problems from not dealing with the aftermath of the kidnapping openly.

The criminalist was standing outside enjoying the fresh air at the park. He had checked his voice mail and was relieved to hear a response from his earlier phone call. He looked up at the stars and in the serene beauty of the night sky. He heard a car door close, and the foot steps of another man approach.

Warrick Brown strolled onto the court, wearing a T-shirt with the sleeves cut off, and a pair of black sweat pants. Nick had on a pair of blue ones, his Dallas Cowboys shirt a proud symbol of how he felt tonight.

Warrick looked at him with a mixture of fierce emotions. Nick could feel the static electricity in the air. He bounced the basketball a few times and then threw it at his partner.

"You ready?" Nick taunted.

Warrick Brown bounced the ball in one hand, his eyes never looked away.

"Show me what'cha got."

***

Conclusion written by : Kristen and Shacky

~~~~~~~~~~

Warrick knew he had the height over the other man, and charged down the court towards the basket, with the intent of throwing the ball over Nick's head. Just as Warrick sprinted ahead, Nick jumped, and knocked the ball out of the other man's hand with his finger tips. Then he lightly jabbed his shoulder against Warrick's chest. Knocking him out of the way.

Seconds later, Nick did a 180 degree turn, and tossed the ball into the basket, and rushed to catch the bouncing item.
Warrick caught up to the other man in two quick strides and slammed his hands down on the ball, knocking it out of Nick's hands, and scooping it up. He then dunked it in, and caught it again.

Nick came bounding over and the two traded quick foot work as Warrick dribbled the ball around, changing which hands held onto it. Nick kept his eye on the object. He stepped in and out of the other man's personal space, and kept the other CSI from taking another shot.

The two men danced around the court, Warrick twirling around, as Nick came up to rush him. The Texan was rewarded with a few shoves from the taller criminalist. A shoulder blade connected with his side a few times.

Still both CSIs eyed each other like two rams ready to lock horns.

"You worked...everything...out?'" Warrick rasped in between heavy breaths.

Nick snapped up the ball as it descended down to the ground. He went towards the goal. Warrick raced after him. He knocked the ball out of the criminalist's grip and his elbow glanced the side of Nick's head.

Warrick made a second quick dunk, but Nick was on top of him, his hands pushing his partner aside. Then as the other CSI jumped, his forearm caught Warrick right on his chin.

"Yeah." Nick said breathing hard. "I'm going to let...go..of my anger." Now he dribbled, moving backwards. "If you ...stop ...doggin' me."

Warrick guarded his partner, not letting him advance up the court. "Did you develop...the ability ..to predict..when bad things are...gonna happen?"

Nick switched hands, the noise of the ball echoing on the ground. "Nope."

Then the shorter man, swerved to his left, brushing past the larger guy. Warrick lunged forward nearly knocking Nick over from behind.
Nick lost control of the ball, which Warrick quickly grabbed, making another shot. He snagged the ball one handed, then swirled around, and went down the court again.

"I'm not...going to stop..watching your back." Warrick slapped the object around on the surface, slowing down the pace.

Nick stayed low, waiting for the other man to make his pass. He remained nimble, his hands outward, waiting to tackle the ball.

Then he made his move, and Warrick made a beeline for the net, not waiting for his partner to get out of the way.

Nick stood his ground, acting like a defensive end in football. He tackled the approaching man. Warrick tried to barrel past him, and tripped on his way down to the ground.

Nick felt the weight slam into him, and he fell on top of the other man. Then he quickly rolled over and laid flat on his back.

Both men didn't move, each sprawled out on the court. Ragged in take of breaths, thunderous and rough in the air.

"I'll...stop..crowding...you." Warrick said, couching slightly.

Nick sucked in the clean, crisp air. "Our work...is sometimes, dangerous...man." Nick sat up, and planted one hand to the ground. He looked over at his partner. "Its part of the job."

Warrick pulled himself into a sitting position. "I know." The larger man wiped away some of the sweat trickling down his face. His T-shirt clung to him. "When you can push away all the images from inside that box. Then I'll be able to forget about that what I saw from the live feed."

Nick understood all the meaning behind that statement. He nodded. "The locker room---"

Warrick grunted. "Two hot heads, pushing each other's buttons." He looked up at him. "I'm sorry for some of the things I said, man." Warrick shook his head. "I didn't mean them."

Nick sighed. "Did you think...I mean, some of those ideas were in your head. Must have been thinking about them for a while."

The other ciminalist looked up to the sky and back to his parnter. "When you're tight with people, you say things that will get a reaction. Stuff that hurts." Warrick fixed Nick was a sincere look. "Kind of like how familes say the harshest shit to each other. Heat of the moment. I trust you, man. You're one of the best CSIs out there. I just ...we're brothers and its hard to let go what happened to my boy."

Nick felt relief. He didn't want to drag all of that out again. "I'm." Nick shook his head. "I've been messed up." He shrugged at Warrick's expression. "I know you know that. I...I've worked out most of it. But, I didn't exactly tell my shrink everything that's been in my head lately."

Warrick looked down at the ground. "I've haven't been exactly candid with mine."

Nick gave him another confused expression.

His partner just chuckled. "It was mandatory, man. However, I really didn't stick around for all the appointments he wanted me to go for. Only did the required three."

"Oh." Nick said simply.

Warrick peered down at the ground. "I keep having these...these dreams." He sighed. "Sometimes you shot yourself right when I open the lid...sometimes, we're just too late."

Nick swallowed hard, listening to his partner, at his difficulty to keep his voice even. Nick stared at the same vacant spot on the asphalt.

Warrick shook his head. "I've woken up screaming when I thought I was inside that thing." Warrick looked up. "I've had a hard time dealing with this shit, man. I'm...I'll be all right though. I'm going to go back to the doctor. I'm gonna try being honest with him."

Nick nodded quietly.

Warrick let out a small laugh. "How about we just stick to talking to each other, when shit comes up. And then take it from there."

Nick was nodding a bit more animatedly. "Yeah, that's cool."

That earned a smile from his partner. "Cool. I wouldn't want to continue to kick your ass in B-Ball just to have us talk about this stuff."

Nick laughed. "You're lucky I bruised up my hand."

"Yeah, right. Excuses." Warrick shook his head. "I'm surprised you could play at all, after trying to destroy my locker."

Nick looked chagrined. "Yeah, well, I almost kept myself out of the field again. But after some ice, its fine."

"You sure?" Warrick asked, about to inspect the hand that had some nice swelling around it.

Nick was about to stop his parnter from inspecting it, when he saw the glint in the other man's eye.

The Texan burst out laughing. "I almost fell for that."

Warrick grinned. "Yeah, you did."

Both criminalists sat there, enjoying the night breeze.

Warrick knew it was time to get going. "I'll see you at start of shift tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Nick answered. The Texan held his hand out in a fist. Both men gave each other their patented ghetto low five.

Nick helped his partner up, and each headed towards their respected cars. Before Nick got in his, he turned to his partner. "Next time, its baseball dude, so I can give you a proper ass whopping."

Warrick just snorted and rolled his eyes. "Keep telling yourself that man. I'll wipe the field with you in that as well."

~~~~~~

It has been three days since Warrick and Nick had their 'talk' as they liked to call it, but it seemed to have helped. They both had come to several realizations since that day. Maybe that both of them hadn't been as honest and as they should have been to each other, and maybe to themselves.
Especially Nick. He had a lot of work to do, but he had to be honest to himself and his team before he could begin that. But he wanted it back: his work, his respect, his control, and his life. He felt like he lost it all that night, and he never felt like he regained it. Maybe now he could really go on.

It was the first celebration since they had all returned to night shift. This time it was for Grissom's birthday, so they all gathered a little before shift to have their party, whether Gil Grissom had wanted them to or not. And now was as good as time as any Nick figured to himself.

Nick stood there with everyone else, including Jim Brass, and had something to say. He figured now was as good as time as any. He cleared his throat and moved to the middle of the room.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look up at Nick, curious as to what the man would say after getting everyone's attention.

"Hey guys, I uh, I just wanted to first of all say thanks to you for putting up with me since I got back. I know I haven't been the easiest person to get along with, but I hope to change that. "

Catherine spoke up first. "Nicky, you're family, we aren't putting up with you. You've had a rough few months, we understand that. We didn't expect for you to be come through all of that unscathed."

Everyone was now gathering a little closer to Nick, when he spoke up again. "Yeah, but I did. And maybe I wasn't as okay, as I was saying I was. I never realized I don't think, what you guys must have gone through, to find me. I never let myself, because then I would have had to... uh... maybe think about it."

Nick looked down at the floor and back up to the group. You didn't. "Maybe if I was honest about this a couple months ago, I could have saved us all some grief. But I needed to try it my way." Nick shrugged. "I had to realize for myself it wasn't working. But I want it to work better now, and thatmeans being more honest with you guys, and my therapist, and myself especially."

"Trust me Nick, it wouldn't have team without you. We got it all back now." Grissom said.

"Thanks Gris, and no one is happier to be back, no offense Cath, but I've missed all of you guys, and nights are so much more interesting, and crazy. And I still have Warrick with me. What else could a guy want?" He said with a grin and a laugh and everyone joined in for once, maybe since that horrible night last May. But he would try harder now to put that behind him, and so would they. Because the family he found here was back together again, where they all belonged.

"Admit it Stokes, you just missed me, and of course who wouldn't. I mean I am the life of the shift, plus you needed someone to kick your ass at PS2 again." Greg of course chimed in with a smirk and went and stood by his best friend again. Nick didn't know what he would have done without Greg sometimes, he did try to understand, but he was still the same old Lab Rat that was good for a laugh when he let himself be.

"Excuse me rookie. Who got who's ass kicked at Madden 2005? Yeah, that's what I thought thank you very much, Spike." Nick ran his hair once again through Greg's shorter spikes that were back.

"Hey, don't mess with the hair man, I just got in fixed."

Nick liked to think he had a little part of Greg going back to the shorter look, but he knew the CSI would never admit it, so he left it alone.

"Okay people, more punch and a toast." Sara poured everyone's cup full.

"To Grissom. Happy Birthday to the best Supervisor any CSI could hope for, and for us all being back together again. " Sara smiled her brilliant grin that she saved for special occasions.

"And to Nick, for having you back where you belong, for having you here, and for all of us being back on one team. To the Team!"

Everyone raised their glasses in cheers "To the team!", they shouted back in response. Then they all talked between themselves for a little while before assignments.
Gris and Catherine stood back in the corner, watching their four CSI's talk and laugh, just like they used to.

"It is good being back together again I must admit." Catherine spoke to Gil in hushed tones. "Even if I have to share the supervisor's spot with you."

"Hey, more people to share the paperwork with. I see it as a great advantage. I'm just glad to have everyone here, it wouldn't be complete without, Nick." He spoke as serious as he could, because he knew they would never have been the same again, none of them.

"No, it wouldn't, and now maybe we can all start to work past our problems with Nick, and that means you too, Gil." Catherine knew Grissom still had problems letting his charge do his job the way he needed to. Catherine couldn't say she didn't understand, cause she felt overprotective of Nicky, too. But like Nick said, they all needed to be honest and move on.

"Yeah, I just can't imagine what would have..."

"Then don't Gil, cause we didn't. We have the best damn CSI's any supervisor could ask for. Happy Birthday Gil." And Catherine leaned over to give Grissom a small kiss on the cheek, and he actually smiled for the first time in a while. Besides he hated birthdays.

"I hate to interrupt your moment here you two," Brass walked up to them and got an eyebrow raise from both of them, "but we have jobs for the night it looks like." Brass went about telling Catherine and Grissom about the calls they received for the team.

Greg and Sara were eating their cake while watching Nick and Warrick talk it up in the corner. The two partners were talking about sports they assumed because they were very animated with their hands and laughing.

" I guess it didn't come to blows," Sara whispered. "I don't see any black eyes or swollen jaw bones. I just hope they worked it out."

"I think they have, in their guy way." Greg grinned as he said it, he knew how Sara hated that. "Some things women just don't understand, guys don't 'talk', they work it out however they need too. I think Nick and Warrick had just the talk they needed to."

Greg looked genuinely happy as he watched his friends again. Yeah, he thought, things were going to be just fine. Now that Nick had admitted his difficulties out loud. Maybe the Texan never did let himself think about what the team went through. Maybe what the younger CSI said the other day in Nick's house had gotten through.

"Guys, party's over, we still have work to do." Grissom bellowed over the top of everyone talking. "Sara and Cath, you two have a DB over at the Bellagio. Looks like you guys may be there awhile from the sounds of things. Here you go." Gris handed over the assignment to Cath and the two women started discussing the particulars together.

"I have a hit and run over in the South side of town, jogger took on a car and lost. So, I'll be heading over there."

And for your three, I have something extra special. Las Vegas Airport, someone tried to hide a body by shoving it into a suitcase. It's been several places by now. Luggage handlers started to smell the suitcase needless to say knew it wasn't lost luggage. The stench made several workers sick, so they haven't touched it yet, but needless to say, it's dripping." Grissom said like it was nothing unusual.

"Oh no, I'm not going there again." Nick remembered back to his last bad decomp. He stunk for days.

"A suitcase, cool. I mean. I haven't seen anything like that before. I haven't done a real decomp, yet." Greg seemed almost excited about the assignment.
"Good, because you are going to do this one, Greg. Everyone needs to learn sometime. Nick and Warrick are going to supervise you on this one, while you, uh, learn the ropes of a decomp." Gil explained a tiny glint in his eye.

Nick and Warrick started chuckling because the young CSI had to idea what he was in store for.

"Really, I get to work with the guys tonight, this will be so cool." Nick was correct, Greg was bouncing with excitement, poor guy didn't have a clue Nick amused to himself.

"Yep G, looks like you're coming with us tonight" Nick said with a laugh.

"Oh Yeah, and it's all yours, Nick and I just get you supervise, you're very first decomp, Greg." Warrick grinned, and somewhere in the background, they though they heard Sara actually giggling.

Nick and Warrick gave each other a knowing smile, each man could barely keep themselves from bursting out into laughter.

"What? I've done something kind of like that, right? No problem, let's go guys" Greg grabbed his kit with the energy and excitement of his first case, like he always did.

Nick and Warrick elbowed each other good naturally.

"What? Am I not getting something here, it's just a decomp, right?" Greg questioned.

"Come on Greggo, you'll learn something new tonight bud." Nick turned him by the shoulders and lead him out the door. They looked behind to see, Grissom, Catherine, and Sara laughing.

"Lemons Greg, lemons!" Sara shouted at the retreating men.

"Uh Nick, why is Sara laughing at me and shouting lemons?" Now he was looking slightly nervous.

"Just consider it a learning experience G, come one." Nick grabbed his kit and followed the duo into the parking lot.

"Here bro, this time you drive." Warrick offered up the keys to the SUV.

Nick looked up at Warrick, knowing what the real message was there. He could see it behind his friend's eyes.

"Thanks, man. Question is what are we gonna do with, G on the way home?" And they laughed again.

"Wait, what do you mean, come on guys, this isn't funny anymore. What do you mean what are you gonna do with me? Hey wait up!" Greg walked a little faster to catch up with his new coworkers, wondering just what they had in store for him tonight.

He knew it would probably include him smelling bad, and lemons after it was done. But if it meant he could see his friends this happy and relaxed again, he'd do it. It almost felt like an initiation somehow to the youngest CSI. Yeah, the team was finally together again.

"You coming, G?" Nick shouted from behind the wheel.

"On my way guys, and I'm assuming I'm sitting in the back" He really didn't have to ask.

Nick and Warrick gave each other a knowing look, "Oh Hell yes!" They both shouted.

Greg climbed in the three drove off on their first ever assignment together.

The End

~~~~~~~~~~~

Notes: Shacky and I want to thank everyone for reading and supporting this story. I had never written anything with another author before, and it was a rewarding experience. Shacky and I worked a long time this and we learned a lot. The response to this story was very overwhelming, all the old and some new faces who came along to enjoy the ride. We wrote the conclusion together as a fitting ending to our co-written efforts.

There are tons of "Grave Danger" fics out there, each one taking on new angles, other possibilities, and exploring many avenues. I'm glad people enjoyed our take on a Nick in denial, but working his way though things with the help of his friends. We really wanted to focus on Greg and Warrick, their totally different reactions to the trauma, and therefore; their different approaches to dealing and healing.

Thank you very much from both of us. It was a pleasure to see this now complete. I know Shacky will continue with her Live Journal entries and some adventures on this site. I'm working on a new, lengthy, angsty casefile, that will see the light of day I hope sometime soon.

Take care-
Kristen and Shacky

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