Title: Resolution
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: gen, Ryan Wolfe
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5_prompts, Written in the Stars challenge
Prompt: C7, Reach resolution in order to move forward
Author's Note: Spoilers for the S7 CSI: Miami episode "Wolfe in Sheep's Clothing."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Ryan Wolfe, unfortunately, just borrowing him for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Ryan stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom, staring at his reflection. Outwardly, he didn't look as though he'd suffered through the worst beating of his life only two days ago; but inwardly, he felt every bruise, every blow that had landed on his body.

It was a good thing that his captor had made sure to only give him superficial wounds where they would show, he thought, wincing as he raised a hand to his shoulder. His face hadn't looked all that bad -- but his body was a different story.

He was so badly bruised that it hurt to move; walking around was an agony, much less bending over. He had spent the last couple of days trying to hide how stiff and sore he was, but he hadn't thought he was doing a very good job of it.

Still, no one had seemed to notice, though. He shouldn't be surprised at that; Calleigh and Delko were too caught up in each other to care about what was going on with anyone else, and Horatio always acted as though he had his own problems, with no thought to spare for his team.

His boss had been slightly sympathetic when Ryan had finally confessed what was going on and told him what had happened, but he hadn't even bothered to ask how Ryan was doing. It was as if the well-being of his team members meant nothing to him.

He would have to face the consequences of what he'd done, and he wasn't sure that Horatio could help him this time around. He'd done so in the past, but Ryan had made so many mistakes already -- even though this one, at least in his own eyes, had been excusable.

If he hadn't agreed to do what the Russian mob had expected of him, a child would have died. He couldn't be responsible for that. He couldn't let an innocent little boy die just to follow some arbitrary rules. Yes, it might have been a mistake, but he would do the same thing again.

Maybe he should have gone to Horatio from the beginning -- but Ryan was beginning to lose his trust in the other man. He had always thought that Horatio cared about his team and would try to help them all through anything -- but now, he wasn't so sure.

Ryan wasn't sure just when he had started to lose that trust. He couldn't honestly say that he no longer felt the loyalty towards Horatio and the rest of the team members that he always had -- in some ways, that was stronger than ever.

But the trust was fading away, making him feel as though he had to deal with any situation on his own. He could always call for backup, but he couldn't expect it to be there no matter what. He had discovered that a long time ago. He couldn't depend on anyone.

And he hadn't been willing to place the life of an innocent child in the hands of people who he wasn't sure would do all that they could to make sure that child's safety was ensured. So his trust in his team was definitely eroding, and that wasn't a good thing.

It had all worked out for the best once he had come clean and admitted to Horatio what was going on, hadn't it? Ryan sighed as he leaned against the counter, closing his eyes and letting his body go limp. Yes, the situation had come to a good resolution.

He had to accept that. It was over, and now he had to face the consequences of his actions, take whatever might be coming to him, and move forward. He'd done it before; it shouldn't be so hard to do it this time. He was a big boy; he could take whatever was meted out to him.

He had to put all of this behind him, learn from it, and soldier on. But the fact that Horatio, and no one else on the team, had seemed ot care about what had been done to him when he'd been kidnapped still rankled. He supposed it always would.

Ryan didn't expect the team to drop everything because he'd been hurt, or to act as though his injuries were more serious than they were. But it would have been nice to have any of them express at least a little concern for what he'd been through.

It hurt to think that he meant no more to them than any other person who had been harmed -- less, even. At least, that was how it felt. Horatio in particular showed more concern over complete strangers than he had over what had been done to Ryan.

Horatio seemed to care more about the victims of the crimes they tried to solve than he did about one of his own team members. He always seemed to worry about Eric and Calliegh -- but Ryan, he was all too happy to let fall by the wayside.

Ryan sighed as he looked into the mirror again, noting the dark circles under his eyes. It had only been two days since that terrible beating, but he didn't think that what he'd endured showed in his face. No, he just looked as though he'd been sleepless -- and worried.

That showed through all too much. But it was time to put it behind him -- the issue had been resolved, the culprit had been caught, and Billy and his father were safely in witness protection, out of Miami and gone somewhere that they couldn't be found and harmed.

He was the only one who didn't seem able to move forward from what had happened. The people he worked with treated the case as though it had been negligible; his mistake in not telling them what had happened from the first meant more to them than what had been done to him.

He really needed to move past his feelings of hurt and resentment, put all of this into the past and move on. But there were times when reaching resolution wasn't that easy -- especially when he felt that he had no helping hand to hold on to.

It would have been nice to feel that he wasn't completely alone, that the people he worked with and should trust implicitly placed the same kind of trust in him. But that wasn't possible. He'd been shown much too clearly that they didn't consider him to be one of them.

Reaching a resolution to his feelings wasn't going to be easy, Ryan thought with a sigh. But he had no choice but to try to do so, not if he wanted to keep this job and keep on working with this team. He had to put his resentments aside.

Maybe he wouldn't always feel like this. Maybe his resentments were all in his own mind, and the other members of the team thought more of him and of his feelings than they seemed to on the outside. But if that was the case, he hadn't gotten a sense of it.

Still, he wasn't going to give up. He'd found resolution with this case, so maybe he could do the same with his emotions concerning his colleagues. He'd been working with them for almost five years now. He had to stop carrying around feelings of resentment and inferiority.

It was time that he let himself move forward, not only from this case, but with the rest of his life. Ryan straightened up, casting a last glance into the mirror before he turned to walk out of the room. Things weren't back to normal yet, but hopefully, they would get there soon.

***