Title: Silent All These Years
Author: Lora
Pairing: Cath/Sara
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Too Tough To Die
Warnings: Severe Sara Angst, Rape
Summary: Sara is still acting strange a month after the Adler rape case and Catherine wants to know why.
Disclaimer: I do not own Catherine, Sara, Blondie's song "One Way or Another" or anything else CSI related. I do however, take credit for the events in this story because they’re all from my twisted little mind.
Challenge: None
Word Count: 1027

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Sara sat in the break room, her face resting in the palms of her hands.

Catherine watched her silently, studying the brunettes frail build.

"When was the last time you ate?"

Sara shook her head, still supported by her hands. "Dunno."

"You're getting way too skinny, let's grab some lunch. What do you say?"

"Can't eat Catherine. I really can't."

"Don't make me force-feed you, trust me it's not pleasant." She joked but the comment brought no response from Sara.

Catherine placed a gentle hand on Sara's leg.

The brunette almost jumped off the sofa, panic etched onto her face.

Catherine held her hands up defensively. "Whoa, sorry."

Sara stood, pacing the room, chewing on her nails and refusing to make eye contact.

"Talk to me Sara, please?"

"There's nothing to say, really, there's... nothing."

"Come on, you've been acting weird ever since the Adler rape case and that was over a month ago. I'm worried about you."

Sara stopped pacing, started to speak then hesitated.

She walked to the door, closed it and then sat down beside Catherine.

"I knew this girl in college, she was outgoing, popular, a little naive I guess but she thought she could take on the world."

Catherine rested her chin on her hand and listened intently.

"There was this party one night in the dorm because it was almost summer vacation. She had a few drinks, danced, talked to everyone especially this one guy. He was fun, chatty... just like her. Anyway, he got her a drink and they talked some more about the future and their plans, then she started to feel sick so she went to the bathroom. Feeling dizzy, she decided enough was enough and this guy offered to walk her upstairs to her room."

She swallowed hard, her legs shaking.

"Go on." Catherine wet her lips.

"The next thing she remembered was waking up with him sweating and panting on top of her."

"Date-rape. He spiked her drink?"

Sara nodded, rubbing her palms against her legs. She looked deep into Catherine's eyes, searching for reassurance.

"I couldn't move Catherine, couldn't scream or fight. I just lay there while he violated me. I should have done something, anything to stop him but I didn't."

Catherine inhaled sharply, trying not to let the shock show too much on her face.

"Sara..." She moved her hand towards the other woman's and then pulled back.

"There was nothing you could have done in that situation. You were drugged, paralysed by both the Rohypnol and the fear... I know you know that, as a scientist."

"I know." Her voice seemed tiny, childlike. "It doesn't change the way I feel, the guilt or the shame though."

Catherine quickly wiped a tear from her eye, wanting so desperately to hold Sara.

"I remember, after he'd gone, I crawled from my bed and collapsed on the floor. The pain was unimaginable, the room was spinning and I lay my head on the carpet, praying that I would either die or be found. I could hear the music still from the party downstairs, muffled. I remember it was Blondie, One way or another."

Catherine thought back to all the times she'd heard Sara softly singing that song.

"That song reminds me I survived, you know? While I was listening to it through the floor I knew that I wasn't going to die, I wasn't going to give up that easy and let him get away with it. So I dragged myself to the phone and called 911."

"Did they arrest the creep?"

Sara laughed bitterly. "His father was a top shot lawyer, he walked away without so much as a slap on the wrists. They turned it all around on me in court, made out that I was this slut and that I'd practically raped him."

Sara couldn't hold it together anymore, her face crumpled and she didn't bother to wipe away the tears.

"I'm sorry Sara, I'm so sorry this happened to you." She risked a hand on her shoulder. When Sara didn't pull away, Catherine embraced her tightly, her own tears wetting Sara's shirt as she buried her face into the crook of the blonde's neck.

Sara held on fiercely to Catherine's shirt, needing the closeness and safety. After so many years spent hiding from human touch and emotion, her walls fell away and she craved the heat of another person.

"You're safe now baby, let it all out." Catherine soothed, stroking Sara's hair.

The brunette's sobs softened to a whimper and she was shaking, head resting on Catherine's chest.

"I'm sorry Catherine."

"For what?" She was surprised.

"I dunno. I need to take a walk."

She stood and Catherine joined her. "Mind if I tag along?"

"I would like it very much."

They walked in silence, each lost in thoughts about what had just been purged.

Catherine glanced at Sara regularly, sighing deeply, not wanting to believe that this delicate woman had endured such torture. She stopped suddenly as Sara kicked the trash can, not giving up even when it was dented beyond reason. She didn't make a move to restrain Sara, she knew that she needed to vent her anger or else it would eat her insides. God knows, she'd killed plenty of trash cans when she'd been with Eddy.

"Feel better?" Catherine asked when Sara had finished, now panting and leant against the wall.

"Actually I do, thanks for letting me do that..."

"No problem. Anytime you need to lash out, give me a call and I'll set up some trash cans over at mine and we can play kill the can together. Ok?"

Sara smiled with Catherine.

"There we go, there's that beautiful smile back. Now, that little episode there must have made you hungry."

Sara nodded.

"Well then, your choice, where'd you wanna eat?"

"Your place would be nice."

"My place?" Catherine teased. "My place it is."

They walked side by side with one arm around each other's waist.

"Catherine?"

"Huh?"

"You're amazing."

"I know."

They laughed and Catherine rested her head on Sara's shoulder as they walked, squeezing Sara's arm she whispered. "You're pretty amazing too Sidle."

END

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