Title: Therapy?
Author: hen3ry
Pairing: Jacqui/Catherine
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The following is meant in no way to infringe on CBS' copyright, simply little stories from a distracted mind. I'm not making any money from this either.
Summary: She's not quite sure what this is, but she knows that she needs it more then she thinks she should.

***

The first time it happens, she definitely wasn't expecting it. She thinks Catherine asks her because they know each other, but not well enough that she's going to ask awkward questions about Eddie, and try and reassure her that everything's going to be fine. She'll just sit beside her, drinking beer, and give Catherine a chance to relax and forget.

And when the evening ends with her pressed against the wall outside, Catherine's thumbs tracing lazy circles on her hips, she can't quite bring herself to pull away.

And that's their pattern. Though from then on it doesn't end outside the bar, and she can never quite figure out when it's going to happen, because sometimes Catherine doesn't want alcohol first, or only wants alcohol, and it was confusing at first until Jacqui learned to just go with the flow and not over-think anything.

But it's often enough. At least once a month, she thinks, Catherine lingers in the doorway at the end of the shift, not saying anything, but she can read the signs and knows the day's probably going to end with abandoned clothes and long, elegent fingers stroking her skin, lips lingering gently on her neck.

And if she thinks about it, she has to awknowledge that this… thing, whatever it is, has complicated more then one potential relationship. Because men don't like the idea of sharing, especially when she can't even quite explain what they'll be sharing her with.

(She even thinks about maybe being a lesbian, but that doesn't work, and she realises it's not women, just Catherine.)

And it doesn't help that she doesn't even think of it as cheating, because cheating's about sex, and even though sex is involved that's not what it's about. At all. It's more of an avenue to something else, a something else she can't explain, to herself or anyone else, and she's not sure she would if she could.

Because at first it was just about Catherine, about what she needed at the time, but she can see that she needs it to, and she's not sure when that started, and she thinks she should feel worried, or scared about needing it, but she doesn't.

And she knows that one day, Catherine will stop needing this, and that day, maybe then she'll get worried, or scared. But for now, she just lets it happen, because she need this, she wants this, and she's smart enough to know not to screw it up.

***