Title: The Waiting
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Ryan Wolfe
Fandom: CSI: Vegas/CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Ryan Wolfe, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Ryan awakened slowly, stretching his lean body out next to Greg's. It took him a moment to come out of the dream -- it had been a pleasant one, like most of his dreams these days, one that he was reluctant to leave behind and enter the light of day.

He'd been dreaming about making love to Greg yet again, a dream that came to him more and more often of late. As much as he wanted it to happen in reality, it hadn't done so yet, but he was sure that it would in the future. When Greg was ready for it.

His dreams were getting more and more sexual; while he didn't mind them, he longed for the real thing. He wanted to take Greg into his arms, to kiss him breathless -- and then slide inside him slowly, to join their bodies in the same way that their hearts were entwined.

But he couldn't rush Greg into anything, Ryan told himself, sighing softly. He would never leave this man; he would never get tired of waiting and abandon Greg. But there were times when it was frustrating to know that he had to keep waiting.

Waiting was only going to make it more special when they finally did make love. He was certain of that. But the waiting was so hard. All he wanted to do was make Greg his entirely, to give himself to Greg in every way. But at this point, that wasn't an option.

Greg owned his heart; this man should have his body as well. Of course, in a way, he did, Ryan reflected, tightening his arms around his sleeping lover and drawing Greg closer against him. He would never be with anyone else. Greg Sanders owned him, heart, body and soul.

If only he could give himself to Greg in all the ways he wanted to, Ryan thought, holding back another sigh. But he wasn't going to push his boyfriend into making love. He was all too aware of the trauma that Greg had suffered through so long ago.

He still hadn't managed to talk his boyfriend into seeing a counselor; every time he brought up the idea, Greg had countered by saying that he needed one just as much, after what he'd been through. Ryan hadn't really known what to say to that.

He didn't feel that he needed to talk to anyone; he'd told himself that what had happened to him when he'd been kidnapped and tortured had been in the line of duty. Anyone else would have gotten over it, so he should be able to, as well.

Ryan knew in his heart that wasn't true. He was still suffering from the aftereffects of what had been done to him; if he wasn't, he would have been able to let Greg make love to him by now. That worked both ways, he told himself wryly, running a gentle hand through Greg's hair.

Of course, Greg hadn't tried to make love to him, either. It wasn't as though he didn't want to; they had talked about that, and he knew that Greg wanted to. But he wasn't ready to let that happen; he was just as traumatized as Greg was, in his own way.

How many times had Greg said that he felt guilty about making him wait? Well, he felt just as guilty, Ryan thought, closing his eyes and trying to make himself relax. He was making Greg wait, too. As close as they were, in some ways, they still held each other at arm's length.

He didn't want to keep doing that. He didn't want to feel that he and Greg would never be able to leap over that chasm that still separated them. But the longer they waited, the harder it was going to be. The longer they waited, the more they were likely to turn back.

Greg had already waited so long to be intimate with anybody, Ryan thought, his heart aching for the other man. If that bastard who'd raped him wasn't already dead, Ryan was sure that he would have tracked the man down and murdered him, slowly and painfully.

No one deserved to go through the kind of trauma that Greg had lived with for so many years. All he wanted to do was to end the waiting, to show the man he loved that there was nothing to be afraid of, that he could share his body without being terrified of what might happen.

Greg had already given him so much -- but Ryan wanted more. He couldn't help feeling guilty about that, either. He had no right to expect anything more than Greg was ready to give. He had to respect whatever boundaries Greg set up, and not step over them.

As though Ryan's thoughts were communicating themselves to him, Greg sighed softly in his sleep, shifting his position slightly and rolling over onto his back, though he didn't move from the circle of Ryan's arms. Ryan raised himself on one elbow, looking down at his love with a smile.

Greg didn't realize how beautiful he was, Ryan mused, how irresistible he could be. Especially like this, when he was naked and vulnerable, when his body was exposed to Ryan's gaze. It was almost impossible for Ryan not to bend down and press a kiss to those delectable lips.

But he didn't; he merely watched Greg sleep, the desire to make love to the man in his arms growing stronger as he gazed at his sleeping boyfriend. It would be so easy to take Greg, to lube his fingers and slide them inside that welcoming warmth, to prepare him ....

Ryan closed his eyes, moving one hand down Greg's side to rest on his bare hip. No. He wanted Greg, wanted him so much that his entire body ached. But he wasn't going to push him into making love. That had to be Greg's decision; he had to be the one to initiate that intimacy.

He had never wanted anyone as badly as he wanted Greg -- but he wasn't going to take advantage of his boyfriend's trust in him. As much as he wanted to be inside Greg at this moment, making love to him, he would keep holding back. He would keep waiting.

After all, he was doing the same thing to Greg, Ryan told himself. He was making Greg wait to make love to him, so he had no right to demand that Greg surrender his body in a way that he wasn't yet comfortable with. He had to keep being patient.

It wasn't that hard to be patient, really. He had Greg's love; he was secure in the knowledge that the two of them had all the time in the world to be more physical with each other. It wasn't the physical side of what they shared that was most important, anyway.

He knew gay couples who never had penetrative sex. As much as he wanted to make love to Greg in that way, he wasn't going to push the issue; it wasn't something that they had to do. He could be happy just being with Greg as they were now.

The waiting wasn't easy to deal with, but he would manage. He had no doubt that there would be a day when Greg would gather up his courage and leap over that barrier he'd built around himself. At some point, Greg would trust him enough to let that wall crumble.

When Greg was ready to jump off that precipice, Ryan would be there to catch him, cradle him in his arms, and hold him close. He wasn't going to let his lover fall -- and he was going to soothe away any fears that Greg might have been harboring.

It didn't matter how long he had to wait. Greg was a treasure, a prize worth waiting for. And he already had the prize, Ryan thought, sighing contentedly as he wrapped both arms around Greg's slender waist. Greg loved him. Nothing else really mattered.

If only his dreams wouldn't be so vivid, tantalizing him with glimpses of how it would feel when he finally made love to Greg. That last dream had seemed so real, he had almost thought that he was inside Greg when he awoke.

That hadn't felt in the least like a dream; he had been surrounded by such warmth, such love, that he'd believed for a few seconds when he'd opened his eyes that he actually was making love to Greg -- or that he'd died and gone to heaven.

Maybe that was just because he could feel how much Greg loved him when they were this close, Ryan mused. What they felt for each other wasn't just an emotion; it was almost tangible, hovering in the air between them, always ready to wrap around him and keep him safe.

He didn't mind waiting. Not when he knew that the reward for waiting would be to have Greg by his side for the rest of their lives. That was enough to keep him going, to make him feel that all of the waiting would be more than worth it when they finally did come together physically.

Smiling, he bent over Greg, finally daring to press a soft kiss to those temptingly parted lips. He might have to wait for them to make love, but he didn't have to wait to kiss his boyfriend awake -- and he was sure that Greg would be more than receptive.

***