Title: Even Better Than The Real Thing
By: Valerie
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time
Summary: To see the one you hate suffer from the loss of a loved one, is even better than the real thing...
Disclaimer: None of it is mine, apart from the plot is and the hope that one day we might see them interact like this, but apart from this it's all in the possession of the legal copyright owners! No money is made, everything is just for fun!

"She loved him, so I killed him."

Despite the years he'd spent uncovering the darkest side of humanity, the complete calm and composure of the man he'd just arrested still chilled Gil Grissom down to the bone.

"You killed him, so he couldn't have her."

Brass' comment didn't hold any emotion; the captain had long ago learned to wear a mask of indifference around suspects.

"No, you don't understand... I killed him, so she would suffer."

The dark haired man turned around and his eyes fixed Grissom.

"You understand, don't you Mr. Grissom? You understand that to see the one you hate suffer from losing a beloved is even better than the real thing."

----

The phone rang exactly 32 minutes after his shift started.

"Gil? Jim here, we've got a DB at the Bellagio..." Uncharacteristically Jim's voice wavered a bit. "... you might want to take Sarah, Warrick or Catherine with you."

Jim had practically order to leave Nick out of this case. Gil felt the hairs in his neck stand up at the implications behind that short statement, remembering how he had felt when Nick had come to him after Kristy Hopkins had been killed. Anxiety rose and could not be pushed down, but he took a couple of breaths and forced his usual mask in place as he called for his team.

"Catherine, Nick you have a missing person reported, check with O'Reilly and have a look around. Warrick, you're with me, we have a DB at the Bellagio. Sarah you are still busy with John Doe aren't you?"

When the younger woman nodded he smiled at her and turned around with Warrick following him. On the drive over to the hotel, he wondered whether he should tell Warrick about Brass' comment, in the end though, he decided to let it pass.

The music was audible as soon as they got out of the elevator and became louder the closer they got to the yellow tape. Brass waited for them outside the room, his face unusually drawn and pale.

"What's with the music?"

He had to raise his voice to be heard over the distinctive voice of a male singer and the background of guitars and drums. Brass shrugged his shoulder.

"The music was on like this, the CD stuck on repeat. I told them not to move anything, just felt like there might be a reason for it."

"Well, at least our killer has a good taste."

Warrick's comment would have normally drawn a chuckle from Brass, but today he just shivered slightly as he nodded and clarified for Gil.

"U2, Irish rock band."

The song stopped and with a small sound the laser went back to the beginning and the guitars started again. Gil moved towards the room, when Brass stopped him again. For a moment it seemed as if he wanted to say something more, but when Gil looked at him quizzically he just shook his head and made room for the two CSI.

"Everyone out of the room please."

The first thing Warrick did, was walking over to turn off the music and the sudden silence in the room seemed even more pronounced after the blaring loudness from before. For a moment Gil took in the atmosphere in the room, almost as if he wanted the silent walls to tell him what had happened. It didn't look as if a crime had happened in the elaborately decorated room, the light was dim, there were candles lit and strewn on the coffee table, a bottle of champagne sat in a cooler, and two glasses on the tray next to it. All in all, it presented a picture of romance, a room set up for an intimate rendezvous of two people in love. Gil tried to imagine the scene that had happened, when he heard Warrick's gasp. Turning around he saw his colleague standing next to the bed looking at the body with a shock and horror that Gil had never seen.

Steeling himself against a sight that would put such an expression on the face of a CSI who had seen some of the worst things man could do, he walked towards the bed and stopped as if he had run into a wall. For a moment, he just stood there unable to done the aloof mask he usually wore around a crime scene. All he could see was the dead body and for the first time in his life Gil Grissom wanted to be run away from a victim.

The young man had obviously been asleep when his killer had shot him four times, once in the head, once in the chest and twice in the belly. The lack of blood from the chest and stomach wounds indicated that the head shot had been the first. Their victim hadn't died in a cruelly painful way and yet seeing the dead body lying on the white blankets disturbed Gil deeply. For a moment he just stared at the man taking in the dark hair, the tanned skin made even darker by the white satin sheets he lay on. He wore black silk briefs and nothing else, his body strong and athletic, slim and yet muscular. The hair was short, dark and looked silky.

Their vic had been a beautiful man but it wasn't the dead man's beauty that had painted the horror on Warrick's face, that made Gil's legs tremble, that had made Brass instruct him to leave Nick out of this case.

"Oh my god."

"My thoughts exactly when I walked in here. The first thing I checked was his ID, but looks as if he's not related to Nick."

Jim's comment was matter of fact, but the voice in which he said it wasn't and his eyes were fixed on Gil as if trying to calm him down.

"Who is he?"

"Frank Lalive, German, here for holidays... according to the management he's checked in three days ago. The sheriff is going to love having a case with a European tourist getting shot in one of the most exclusive hotels here."

"Dammit, he just looks so much like him."

Warrick stared at the body of the dead man, a man who was a stranger with the face and the body of his best friend.

"If I hadn't seen Nick this morning..."

Instinct almost won out then as Gil reached for his cell phone and dialled Nick's number, but reason kicked in as he heard the third dial tone and he turned his phone off.

"Ok, let's look around for any evidence, where did the shooter stand, how did he get into the room? Any fingerprints, anything interesting, bag it and bring it in."

He heard himself talking, heard his voice strong and calm as usual, but it felt as if he was standing next to his body watching himself acting normal, while a part of him wanted to run out of the room and to where Nick and Catherine were. The animal in him wanted to run and hide or if he was completely honest... wanted to run and hold Nick, hold him close to his body making sure that the younger man was safe and alive.

"Grissom?"

Warrick's voice brought him back to reality as the younger man called him over. Quickly forcing any thoughts about Nick away he strolled over and kneeled next to his colleague. It was time to perform his job and forget about anything else.

Later that night though as he strolled into the morgue he felt that urge rise once again as he saw the now naked man lie on the table under the harsh light. Al was bending over the victim and shook his head as he saw Gris walk in.

"I had to sit down when I saw him. First thought really was that it was Nick."

Gil didn't answer, didn't want to discuss the eerie similarities in look and as he knew by now, age, weight and height.

"He was asleep, probably didn't even wake up before he died... So why shoot him three times?"

Al shot him a knowing look at that question and nodded gravely.

"You're right, he was asleep when he was shot, but he wasn't asleep because he was tired... The Lab found sedatives in his blood and in his stomach content..."

It took Gil only a moment to process this, and then he shook his head. Warrick who'd come in to stand next to his boss, voiced his concerns loud.

"It doesn't make sense, the suite was lit and decorated like a set up for a date, and he was wearing fine underwear... so why take a sleeping pill?"

Al smiled a bit at the typical rambling from the dark-skinned CSI, then shook his head.

"Hey, that's not my job to figure out."

The two CSI walked back slowly, when Warrick suddenly stopped and looked at Grissom.

"Are you going to tell Nick?"

For a moment Gil didn't know what to say and shrugged almost helpless.

"I don't know."

----

Catherine and Nick were laughing loud when they walked into the lab; Sara just shook her head and joined them towards the break room. By the time they arrived there, she was laughing too, her eyes sparkling with joy, something that was rare and looked good on her. The difference between the three laughing friends and the two men already sitting at the table was stark and sobered the new arrivals immediately.

"Gris, Warrick, you ok?"

It was an easy enough question, one that Nick didn't expect anything but a short 'fine' as an answer and so the real answer stunned him completely. Warrick jumped up and hugged him close for a second, where as Grissom just stared at him with an emotion in his eyes that Nick couldn't place.

"Wow, wow, what's going on here?"

Warrick calmed down immediately and clenching the coffee cup in his hand he sat back in the chair looking at Gris expectantly. When the older man didn't reply he sighed and finally just as the silence became almost unbearable, he spoke.

"Our vic was the spitting image of you and I really mean the spitting image. I..." for a second, Warrick's voice trembled and he swallowed hard. "... when I walked in there for a moment I really thought it was you."

Nick swallowed hard at the remembered pain in Warrick's words, but it was Gil that shocked the younger CSI most. Gil, whose eyes were fixed on him, while he seemed to take in every angle of his face, every crease in his clothes. Their eyes met and for a moment Nick had the feeling to drown in the blue gaze. It didn't last longer than a couple of seconds but for the younger man the world seemed to stop for a moment. Swallowing he forced himself to turn away, tear his eyes from the captivating gaze of the other man and then faced Warrick.

"Hey, I'm here, I'm alive... There's nothing to worry!"

The lightly spoken words had no effect on the two men and slowly the realization sank into all their minds that the resemblance must have been incredibly strong. An awkward moment of silence descended on the team until Nick again looked at the two men and trying to divert the attention away from him started to tell them about his and Catherine's case.

"You know Gris, next time you send us to locate some missing person, just make sure what 'person' we really are looking for..."

Smiling at the memory of what they had found at their 'crime scene' he turned to Grissom only to find the other man's eyes still on him. It almost seemed as if the older man could not tear his eyes away from Nick, as if he was afraid that if he lost sight of him for just one moment, Nick would be gone. The blue eyes so intense felt like a tangible caress and Nick fought the urge to squirm. He simultaneously loved and hated to be the focus of Gil's intensive gaze. Loved it because it gave him memories to draw on when he was alone in his bed longing for the other man and yet at the same time hated it because it wasn't him that was in this focus, but the case.

He could still hear the calm way Gil had dismissed him after the Crane case. Nothing personal, just the image that he represented... It had hurt then and still hurt now. But unlike that day, he was strong now and so he turned his back to the older man as he started to retell what Catherine and he had found when they'd arrived at the 'crime' scene.

"... and just when we were asking for 'Mimi's' bedroom, the old lady starts talking about what a good breed Mimi was and how 'she' loved lying in the sun..."

Nick grinned as he remembered the slow realization that had dawned on him and obviously to Catherine that Mimi wasn't a missing daughter or friend. No, Mimi was...

"... a cat! Can you believe it?"

Warrick managed to laugh and although it sounded a bit strained, his eyes were sparkling again cause Nick's antiques brought the fact that he was alive home in a way nothing else had so far.

"Break's over, Warrick let's go back and process what we have. Brass was certainly correct; the sheriff is not going to like having a dead tourist in his city."

"Yeah, he's going to be a pain in everyone's ass..."

The two men walked out, just as Grissom's phone rang again, a quick check on the display had him handing it to Catherine.

"Your case."

She smiled lightly at him as she answered with a friendly.

"O'Reilly, what's up?"

---

By the time Nick and Catherine arrived at the crime scene, the press had already arrived. Fortunately though, they didn't take much notice of the two forensic specialists as they walked over to the fancy apartment building.

"We've got a male victim, shot three times, head, chest, stomach... "

The officer at the door told Catherine as she walked in and gave her a fond smile but his words trailed off in shock as he saw Nick walking in.

"Shit."

For a second, Nick faltered but smiled outwardly while he steeled himself for what they would find at the crime scene. There was a small voice in his mind that told him that he would not like it and he remembered what Grissom and Warrick had told him.

'he just looked like you'

The first thing they noticed though, before they even saw the body was the music playing at full volume in the background and the song made Catherine smile for a moment.

"God, that song reminds me of my youth."

Nick glanced at her amused and shook his head.

"Hey, you're not that old, even I remember that song."

They both smiled at each other and turned towards their victim. Nick heard Catherine's gasp but he couldn't do anything but stare at the man lying on the bed in his boxers. His throat suddenly dry he swallowed heavily and shivered.

"I'll call Grissom."

He noticed that his voice sounded strange, but didn't know how to react. Nothing, no school and no experience could have prepared him to see himself lying dead on a bed. Not himself, he corrected his thoughts silently, but someone who looked like himself... A shiver ran through his body, the dead man's broken eyes seemed to stare directly at him as if the victim wanted to tell him something.

"Victor Monfrey, 35, worked as a clerk at a local accounting company. Landlord says he was a quiet and easy person, never had any issues with him."

O'Reilly trailed off, as his gaze trailed back and forth between Nick and the victim.

"Holy shit!"

"This is the second dead man we found today. Both shot, first one four times, this one three times, both look exactly the same and both..." Catherine swallowed hard and forced herself to finish "... both are the spitting image of Nick."

Silence fell over the room at her last words as they seemed to hang in the air, but almost as if on cue the sound of guitars and a distinctive voice filled the place again with noise. The silence was banished, the tension stayed.

"How many times is this song on the CD?"

Nick walked over to the stereo and checked the player. It was stuck on 'Repeat'.

"Catherine, can you hand me the fingerprint kit? I think the song was put on repeat on purpose. Maybe, the killer left something more than just a song for us."

Handing her colleague the kit, Catherine watched for a second as he started to dust the high priced stereo and then turned around to start her own search.

"Fuck, not again!"

Warrick's exclamation announced the other three CSIs just as they walked into the room. Nick looked up and their eyes met for a second. He saw the minute relief in Warrick's dark eyes before the other man turned towards the victim.

"Nick, what are you doing over there at the stereo?"

Grissom's voice was cold, emotionless and it made Nick shiver. Had he just imagined the concern in the supervisor's eyes earlier in the break room? Had it indeed been the case and not the fact that the vic had looked like Nick?

"There was a song on repeat, so I thought maybe there are fingerprints?"

Warrick turned around as if he'd been hit.

"What song?"

Catherine stared at her lanky colleague but the realization could be seen on her face.

"Some U2 song, can't remember which one though."

"Even better than the real thing."

"What?"

Grissom's shout scared everyone and as one they all turned towards him. The grey haired man on the other hand focused on Nick.

"Nick are you sure it was that song?"

Confused at the underlying desperation in Grissom's voice Nick nodded. Yeah, he was sure.

"Can you play it again?"

Shrugging Nick pressed a button and immediately the hard guitar riffs sounded through the room. Closing his eyes for a second, Grissom nodded.

"Ok, secure the place, process the things we have... I need to go back and talk to Brass; I think I know who it might be..."

----

'And I know what he is doing'

Gil felt as if his heart was tied up, could barely breathe and had to force himself not to shake. He couldn't break down, not now, not when he had a killer on the loose. A killer with no mercy, someone who killed without emotions... but that wasn't what scared Gil.

This was a killer who had an agenda...

And like going back in time, Gil saw himself standing next to Brass watching Simon Lower as the Captain questioned the suspect.

"You killed him, so he couldn't have her."

Brass had been so cool at least outwardly and Gil had silently complimented the other man.

"No, you don't understand... I killed him, so she would suffer."

Cold, hard eyes had fixed him, looked at him as if they could read him like a book. Gil had had to force himself not to look away and he had been disturbed by the knowing smile the other showed.

"You understand, don't you Mr. Grissom? You understand that to see the one you hate suffer from losing a beloved is even better than the real thing."

And now, three years later they found two men killed. Two men who looked like Nick, a man he cared so much... and with a silent head shake, Gil corrected himself. Nick was more than a man he cared about; Nick was the one he loved. A lump formed in his throat, as he remembered how Nick and he had worked together when they had searched the suspect's flat.

"Grissom, have a look at this, what do you think?"

Nick had held up something and right at that moment, the sun had broken through and Nick had stood there, bathed in light almost glowing. His breath had caught then and even now when he thought back to it, he remembered how beautiful the other man had been, how he had fallen in love all over again. He'd walked over and kneeled down next to Nick, closer than necessary as he had inspected the tiny fleck of blood.

"If you tell me what you're looking for, I might be able to help."

Lower's voice had been emotionless, but looking back Gil remembered how the black eyes had glittered with something like triumph. Had the killer seen the love in his eyes? Was this the reason... but before he allowed himself to think any further, he whispered the mantra he taught his team constantly.

'Don't look for the why, look for the how'

As soon as he arrived at the lab, he started off with the reconstruction of the scene, slowly but surely recreating where the shooter had stood when Greg walked over. He held a paper in his hand and waved.

"Got something for you, Grissom."

His face showed the muted excitement, he always expressed when talking with Gil, but the news he had were not uplifting.

"I checked the DNA samples Warrick found, one's the victims the others showed no match, and my guess is they are hotel guests. I want to do some more tests with one, something..." Greg trailed off, knowing that theories without evidence weren't something Grissom wanted to hear.

"Ok, run it against all possible databases, we need to get a lead on him before..."

Now it was Gil how stopped mid-sentence, because suddenly he understood. Not caring about Greg anymore, he grabbed his phone and called Catherine.

"Catherine, get Nick and the others and come back immediately. I don't want anyone around there anymore and Catherine? Make sure you never leave Nick out of your sight."

He didn't wait for her answer, but left his office and almost ran into Brass as the captain just walked in.

"Gil we need to talk."

But as soon as he'd said these words, Brass knew that Gil had figured everything out himself.

"Even better than the real thing."

There was such despair in these five words that Jim immediately closed the office door and sat down in front of his friend.

"Gil, you have to tell him the truth or you put him in grave danger."

The older CSI looked up and Brass nearly shrank back from the pain in the blue eyes.

"He already is. Did you hear of the last victim? He was shot three times, not four."

Brass paled at the implication.

"So he's killing them like in a countdown. Two more vics and then..." He couldn't say it.

Gil's voice shook as he finished the sentence.

"Nick."

---

The nightshift had gathered around the meeting table. Laying out what little evidence they had gathered so far, the five men and women studied the scraps and pictures. Sarah had been called to the case and the shock was still in her dark eyes as they darted between Nick and the pictures.

"We have a suspect and we have a problem."

Nick forced himself not to look at Grissom, afraid of what he would see on the other man's face. He knew that right at the moment he couldn't deal with Gil's scorn. Seeing his dead look-a-like had shocked him more than he let on, but somehow he realized that if he showed his fear, the team would break down.

"Who is our suspect?"

Grissom shifted in his seat, a gesture so unlike him that it surprised everyone. Then he looked straight at Nick.

"Do you remember the Lower case?"

Nick thought for a second and then remembered the murder they had investigated a while back. A man had killed his girlfriend's lover, shot him to death after beating and abusing him for hours. A frown came over his face, Lower, yes Simon Lower that had been his name. He was in prison now, waiting for his trial and with the evidence they had collected the conviction wasn't really in question.

"Yeah, why?"

"When Brass and I went to arrest him, he confessed. Later he withdrew the confession and that's why we had to go back to the case. But that first night he told me something..."

Grissom had a faraway look in his eyes, his mind obviously in the past but then he shook his head as if clearing the memories and looked down at the table. Then addressing his team again he continued.

"He told me that he had killed him so that she couldn't have him. Had killed him because watching someone suffer the loss of someone they care for is..."

Nick saw the glance that Brass sent Gris, but didn't pay much attention as he braced for the words he suddenly knew would come.

"... even better than the real thing."

Catherine spoke them softly and her voice shaking lightly. Gris looked up and nodded, then he looked at Nick again.

"When he was taken away to prison, he turned around and asked me, if I cared for my team... I am sorry, Nick, I didn't think..."

Again Nick caught Brass looking at Gil, this time with a clear reproach in his face, but the cop didn't say anything. For a second the room was completely silent, then Sarah spoke.

"How can he be the shooter? He's in custody isn't he?"

This time it was Brass who answered his eyes still on Grissom, the tone of his voice clipped.

"He is and there is no possibility for bail, still the coincidence is too obvious."

Nick could almost feel the tension rising in the room. And then the implications of what Grissom and Brass had just said hit him fully. He felt dizzy and shivered, strong hands guided him onto a chair and Catherine looked at him concerned.

"Nick, don't be scared, nothing will happen to you. We won't let them hurt you."

Her voice was strong and full of conviction and it was exactly what he needed at the moment. Whether or not her words were true didn't matter. All that mattered was that there was someone in this room that wasn't looking terrified. Nick drew a deep breath and slowly looked at his boss.

"So, shooting these guys is his way of letting you suffer. It's like a ..."

Paling he trailed off, suddenly realizing something and with a shiver he continued.

"It's a countdown, isn't it? The last bullet is saved for me..."

It was a matter of fact statement, but maybe it was just the calm with which he spoke that caused the tension in the room to snap and suddenly everyone spoke at once. Surrounded by the noise, Nick felt a hand on his shoulder and shrunk back. The hand was immediately removed and as he looked up he was surprised to see Brass looking at him with concern and pity.

"I will arrange for a bodyguard, you are in danger, Nick."

Then he stood up and hit the desk with his hand. The loud bang caused everyone to look at him, Nick already knew what the detective would say and so he wasn't too surprised, when the older man grabbed the phone and dialled a number. Gris' reaction however did not only surprise him, it plainly shocked him. Grabbing the phone, ripping the plug from the wall he glared at Brass.

"I am not going to let Ecklie investigate this. I am not going to put Nick's life in his hands."

For a moment the two men just stared at each other, then Grissom turned away in defeat and walked out of the room. Stunned silence followed his exit, broken only by Brass' short comments about the case and the collected evidence. When he hang up again, he looked at the rest of the nightshift and pointed towards the break room.

"Make sure he doesn't get himself into something stupid. Catherine, can you file Ecklie about the case and its importance?"

She nodded, knowing that she was the only one that the dayshift supervisor could tolerate and vice versa. Her eyes followed Warrick, Sarah and Nick as they walked towards the break room. When she couldn't see them anymore, she turned around.

"He lied, didn't he?"

Jim didn't even pretend to not understand her question and nodded.

"This isn't about Gil caring for his team; this is about Gil caring for Nick."

Again the police officer just nodded, silently wondering how much she knew. When he saw the fury in her eyes he almost stepped back, but Catherine just shook her head.

"He's risking Nick's life, but he doesn't even have the courage to tell him why? I can't believe this!"

Her voice had risen when she spoke the last words, but at the same time the fury in the blue eyes had abated and been replaced by a deep sadness.

"Why doesn't he see it?"

It was Brass' turn to look confused and seeing that look, Catherine smiled tiredly.

"Nick loves him and if Grissom would for once do what he tells us all the time, he would know."

"Do what?"

He had sometimes suspected that Gil's feelings weren't as unreciprocated as the older man thought, but Catherine's conviction nevertheless surprised him until he heard her answer. Smiling almost ironically and yet still showing understanding and sadness in her eyes, she told him.

"Look at the evidence."

---

"Nick."

Closing his eyes for a moment to calm himself, Nick turned around and looked at Grissom. The other man once again studied him with an almost desperate gaze.

"I'm alright, Gris, just shook up, I guess."

He shrugged lightly, but the facade crumbled as he felt his supervisor's hand on his shoulder. The warmth of the simple touch made him want to lean in, made him want to ask Gil to hold him close and tell him soothing lies about security and love. Instead he just looked at the older man with, what he hoped, a blank face.

"You have every right to be shaken, Nicky, we all are. Warrick went to get changed, then we decided to go for breakfast..."

Grissom's voice trailed off and it seemed to Nick as if the other man would steel himself for his next words, but the thought was absurd and he dismissed it immediately.

"... Nicky, I want you to stay with me until this is over."

It was the last thing Nick had expected and his first reaction was to shout in joy, then though reality intruded and although his heart hurt he shook his head.

"I will be fine, Gris, I've got a really good security system and I'm not unprepared like the others were. I know you don't like having people around, so don't worry, I won't bother you."

He smiled friendly when he spoke, knowing that it didn't show in his face, how much effort this easy words cost him, how much he wanted to accept Gil's offer, how scared he was of going home. He leaned over and grabbed his bag, when Gil's hand stopped him.

"Nick, you won't bother me, believe me, you won't. But please stay with me, I... I'd worry endlessly if I knew you're home alone."

There was something in Gris' eyes that made Nick pause and hesitate. ‘Look at the evidence' his inner voice sounded suspiciously like Catherine and drawing a deep breath, Nick really looked at Gil for the first time in their conversation.

What he saw blew him. Gil Grissom wasn't a man who cared about other people's opinions and he certainly wasn't a person who was afraid of judgement. Nick had seen it hundreds of times how Gil dismissed derogative comments and snide remarks from suspects, colleagues and superiors. No matter what had been said, it had never affected Grissom. Now though, now as he waited for Nick's answer he was tense, his shoulders squared his face rigid and his eyes wouldn't meet Nick's. His thought from minutes before came back to Nick and he realized that Grissom had indeed steeled himself mentally, but not for the words he, Gil, had said.

No, Grissom had steeled himself for rejection.

A fine shiver ran through Nick at the realization, that Gris was honest, that he desperately wanted Nick to stay with him. His heart skipped a beat because now he knew that Gil wasn't concerned about the case, he was concerned about Nick, more than concerned in fact and with that realization came the knowledge that he wasn't able to say no. Not when it was apparent that Grissom wanted him to stay at his house, not when Nick wanted nothing more than say yes.

"Thanks, I will feel much better there, I am sure!"

Relief ran over Grissom's face but was gone as soon as it had appeared and the normal blank face was back.

"Good, so we go to your place and pack a bag, then we're off to mine, ok?"

Nick nodded his mind still reeling from the revelation that Grissom cared enough to give up his privacy, but another though almost took his breath away. How many times had he looked at Gris and not seen him? How many times had he not seen the real man, but the façade he wanted to present?

"Let's go for breakfast then, the others are already waiting."

---

"Jim, please, at least give me an update on the investigations."

Grissom had a hard time to keep his voice on a steady level and not outright plead with Brass, before he had a chance to say anything else though; Ecklie came around the corner and stopped next to the two.

"Brass, I need some more updates on the old cases and on relatives, friends etc. of this guy. Do you have time now?"

The Captain nodded shortly and was just about to say something to Gris, when the daytime supervisor looked at Grissom.

"I'll keep you up-to-date, if you keep your nose out of the case and the boy out of trouble. Deal?"

He had never liked Conrad Ecklie, but just for this one sentence, Gil could have kissed him. He nodded and watched as Brass and Ecklie left the building.

---

Brass had been a police officer almost all his life, he had seen some of the worst things that man could do and still he often felt like he had rarely encountered truly evil people. Most of the criminals he dealt with had been victims in their own way, victims of circumstances, of weakness or simply of their own faults. Simon Lower was a different sort of criminal and just the thought of the man made Brass flinch. Sitting opposite the killer he felt the darkness of the other man's mind and heart and it made him almost gag.

"Your work, Lower?"

He didn't bother with any politeness, he knew that Nick's life was on the line and time was an important factor. Lower just looked at the two pictures, held first one, then the other up and studied them. When he looked up there was a smile on his face.

"How can I shoot two men, when I am a guest of the state?"

The dark, silky voice was slightly amused, as if he had expected the visit and as if he had everything he said prepared long ago. Which, as Brass knew, was probably exactly true? Lower was playing a game with him and Gil and at the moment he held all the right cards. The thought made Brass shiver, but nothing showed as he maintained the mask.

"So, how is Mr. Grissom doing?"

The casual, conversational tone stood in stark contrast to the intensity with which Lower looked at Brass and then again at the pictures.

"The victims look a lot like his young friend, don't they? I wonder what he thinks about that, whether that's disturbing him..."

In the end it were only years of experience in interrogation that enabled Brass to reign the anger at the other man's words, worse though was the tone which was used. The smugness and amusement at Grissom's desperation and the almost clinically cold detachment from Nick made Brass' blood boil.

"If you have anything to do with this, we will prove it and we will make sure that you will never ever set a foot on this earth as a free man."

Lower just laughed and with something like the annoyed amusement that schoolteachers use with children, he answered friendly.

"You already have me in custody for a double murder... And believe me, freedom is way overrated."

Jim knew that at the current stage there was nothing he could offer Lower and he knew that even if the other man's involvement was proven, with the kind of crimes he'd committed before, there was no possibility for a deal. And Lower knew this too. Something a teacher at a seminar about terrorists had once said came to Brass' mind.

‘I fear those that fear nothing, because for them vengeance is the perfect way to satisfaction'

Lower had nothing to lose, he was already sentenced to death for a double murder. His days were numbered and that made him so incredibly dangerous.

"Just out of interest, why are you so incredibly sure that I am part of this?"

It was as if Lower only asked out of politeness and not interest and feeling his blood boil again, Brass suddenly realized how badly suited he was for this interrogation. He was in fact not better suited than Gil, who had been taken of the investigations. Not that Brass was in love with Nick, no but he liked the Texan, liked the easy going way the younger man had, liked that he had a smile for everyone even in the worst situations... In the end, he guessed, he counted Nick to his extended family and that made him just as involved as Gil.

The silence stretched in the room as Lower waited for his answer and silently Brass swore that he would break this man, break this man and keep Nick safe.

"There was something you said to Mr. Grissom... ‘Even better than the real thing'... At the murder scenes, this song was played from a CD... That would just be too much of a coincidence, don't you think?"

Again a short smile ran over the other man's face.

"Well deducted, Captain Brass, I am sure Mr. Grissom is very proud of you. But there is always that small, minimal issue that I was not at the scene and certainly have the safest of all alibis."

So far, Jim realized he had played and danced accordingly to Lower's expectations, maybe it was time to change the music, but before he could say anything the doors opened and Ecklie entered. Sitting down next to Brass, he nodded quickly and then smiled with a friendly nod at Lower.

"Which is why I am here, since you can be ruled out; there must be another maniac in this city. Another crazy mind that thinks like you do. Tell me, Mr. Lower, if you had shot, if this all were your plan, what would your next step be?"

The CSI's voice was a mirror image of Lower's, calm, casually even conversational, he looked at the killer with an interest, but not the burning emotions, that Brass had shown, instead he seemed more or less unconcerned and to Jim's surprise the cool and poise seemed to throw Lower off.

Ecklie had watched from behind the two way mirror and had realized that Brass was too emotional about the case to see through the psychological game the killer was playing. It wasn't that he was not concerned about Stokes, but he had more distance to the younger CSI and he was a better actor.

"You know, I don't know this guy, but if it would be me, I would wait now."

Lower sounded as if he could almost see the entire scene unfolding and for the first time Ecklie felt the evil aura that Brass had talked about. Suppressing a shiver he looked questioningly at the other man, encouraging him to continue.

"They have found the body, have seen the evidence, understood the threat. I would let them wait now, wait and fear, let them live in the insecurity for a while. I would enjoy the thought of Grissom falling asleep every night with the fear that his beloved Nick might not be alive next morning; enjoy the thought of Stokes jerk away from every noise while he waits for the deadly bullet..."

There was so much malice and evil in both the words and the obvious enjoyment Lower got from them that Ecklie understood the emotional reaction of Brass. He wasn't a friend of Grissom, but this was almost more than he could take. Still he kept his mask and looked at the killer with cold eyes.

"That's it? Shoot two men and then enjoy that you scared the others? I am not sure if finding these men scared either Grissom or Stokes?"

He knew that Brass probably felt like shooting him right now, but he also knew that his cold dismissal of both Gil and Nick threw Lower off balance and that was exactly where he wanted the other man.

"You got it wrong, Mr. Ecklie, that was just the set up, you know like the starter... It is just a temporary break. I don't think, Mr. Grissom ever told Stokes about his feelings for him, but with death waiting at Stokes door and the fear of losing the other man, he might find the courage to do something and that will be when the final bullet will find its target. You see, it might hurt to lose someone you never had, only dreamed of, but it hurts so much more to lose someone after having tasted the ecstasy of being with that person..."

Brass felt sick listening to Lower's words especially since he knew that they were probably true. Gil might tell Nick about his love for him, the two men might find love together. The thought of how Nick's death would affect Gil made Jim flinch and he forced himself to concentrate on Ecklie again.

"So you wait until you hear or see proof that they have become a couple and then have Stokes shot?"

Lower's head snapped up at the words and he focused his eyes for a second on Ecklie. Then he smiled.

"What are you implying? You wanted to know hypothetically what I would do, if I could shoot Stokes and the other men."

The hard eyes were still fixed on his face and for a second the intense gaze made Ecklie uncomfortable, but shoving the feeling aside he answered with a completely different question.

"How did you get to know Frank Snowdon?"

Lower's smile faltered just for a second, but it was enough for both Brass and Ecklie to see and the two officers knew they had gained back a small bit of the advantage.

"We met in a bar, started discussing football and became mates? Why?"

"Because normally beer mates and football palls don't tend to visit each other in state prison, so I thought your relationship with him might be more intense?"

He had purposefully used a seedy tone when he said the last words and again Lower's control shattered for a short, short moment. Then he smiled again.

"He's a gambler, I know a lot about football, so he wanted some tips? What does this have to do with the case?"

Brass had asked himself the same question, but he knew that if Ecklie brought the man up, there was a reason and even more had seen that for the first time in the interrogation, they had broken through Lower's mask of indifference. As he waited for the answer, he watched the convict closely.

"Frank Snowdon served twelve years in the US Marine corps, he was in several wars and other covert operations as one of the best snipers the corps ever had. He was kicked out of the army after he showed open racism against people of other colours and beliefs. Your best football mate would be exactly the man you would need to carry out your revenge against Gil Grissom."

At first Jim didn't hear the words because he watched to reactions of Lower, first there was surprise, then it quickly changed into something like anger, but that once again changed into amusement. Only when the blank mask was once again on Lower's face, did the words register in Brass' mind.

‘One of the best snipers'

A shiver of fear went through Brass, if Snowdon was their man, then they were up against a trained professional killer and no place would be safe for Nick. On the other hand, Brass knew that their two victims had not been shot from far range...

"He left his house five days ago and has not been seen since. Do you have any idea where he could be?"

Lower looked up from the pictures before him. Facing Ecklie and staring him right in the eyes, he shook his head.

"No."

Knowing that the other man had once again the upper hand, Ecklie was about to ask another question, when Lower lifted his hand and waved the guard over.

"I have nothing else to say to them."

Furious, Brass and Ecklie could only stare as the guard escorted Lower out of the room. The man walked slowly and deliberately and just at the door he turned again.

"Tell Mr. Grissom I said hi and that the last bullet is not reserved for Stokes' head. I don't want to have it over too soon... It is more interesting to watch blood flow slowly, painfully out of someone's body..."

---

"Gris, I can pack myself you know, I have actually done it before!"

Nick wasn't sure whether to be annoyed or amused with Grissom hovering over his shoulder while he packed the small bag with clothes and other necessities for his stay in Gris' house. The older man hadn't left his side since they had walked out of the restaurant this morning and the closeness made Nick feel safe. He didn't know why, he just knew that with Gil next to him nothing could happen to him.

"Sorry, I can wait outside."

The muttered excuse made Nick flinch as he remembered how Gil had looked when he had asked him to stay at his house. It seemed as if Grissom was much more sensitive when it came to them than he'd ever expected and out of impulse, Nick turned and put a hand on Gil's arm.

"Don't, you're not disturbing me, I was just... I just wanted to make sure you're ok, I don't want to be a burden you know?"

The arm under his hand was warm and solid. Grissom wasn't a muscular god or anything like it, but as Nick held the other man he felt the hidden strength in the older body. A strength that came out of will and mind, not one that was borne in the gym but one that had been shaped and formed by life. The yearning to feel this strength in him, to feel this body close suddenly made Nick tremble and with a muttered apology he walked to the bathroom where he slid down on the floor.

"I can't do this."

The whisper was silent enough to be heard only in the bathroom and as Nick covered his face with his hands for a second he repeated it.

"I can't do this."

No, he couldn't, couldn't live so close to Gil, having so much of Gil's attention on himself and not fall apart. There was no way, he would not slip and tell the older man how much he meant to Nick, how much Nick wanted to stay with Gil, not because of a threat, not as a temporary safe haven but because Gil wanted him to stay... forever.

The first time, Nick had seen Gil, he had seen a middle aged man, nothing special, nothing extraordinary and then Gil had turned around and looked at him. Washing his face, Nick grimaced at his image in the mirror. That had it been, Gil had looked at him and for a short second Nick had felt the power of the other man's eyes. Ever since then he had tried to get into the focus of these eyes. It was useless though, the only time he ever got into the focus was when he had made a mistake and then the disappointment in Grissom's eyes hurt more than any repercussion ever could.

"Nick, are you alright?"

Shaking himself out of memories, Nick opened the door and managed a shaky smile. The concern in Grissom's eyes was still there and it compelled Nick to tell his supervisor at least part of the truth.

"I'm scared."

It came out as a whisper, but before he could say anything else, Grissom had wrapped his arms around him and held him close. A shiver ran through his body and Nick felt the answer in the trembling of Gil's body, for a second he wondered whether he had fallen into a twilight zone, but then the warmth and safety of the hug obliterated all other thoughts and he just revelled in the feeling of having a dream come true. The sudden tension in Gil's arms and body shook him out of his haze and he almost shivered when the older man removed his arms and stepped back.

"Sorry Nick, I don't know what came over me."

Gil sounded almost lost and suddenly Nick realized that he wasn't alone in this, that this situation was just as hard for Gil and not for the reasons Nick would have guessed.

‘Look at the evidence'

It had been a sentenced preached to him ever since he had joined the Las Vegas CSI team and when he did it now, the evidence spoke of more than concern in Gil's eyes, more than care in the way he had held him and of more than embarrassment in the way the older man hid front from him. The threat of the killer suddenly faded away in the face of the possibility that Gil felt the same as he did and gathering his courage, he slowly walked over and faced the older man. For a moment he just looked at him and then slowly, softly leaned against the solid body until he held Gil in a hug just as intense as the one before.

"It's ok, Gil. It's perfectly ok, believe me!"

The words he spoke were non-descript but Nick knew that Gris understood when the body relaxed and the other man's arms came around him. For a moment they stood there, and then Gil moved back gently and grabbed one of the two bags.

"Let's go home."

---

On the drive home, Gil wondered whether he had only imagined the tender moment between him and Nick. The short moment, when Nick had not let him back away, when he had held Gil...

'Your greatest fear is being known'

Lady Heather's words spoken so long ago, the astute woman had seen it all, had seen beneath the layers and masks. She had seen right through to the core of him and at that time it had scared him, now though, now he wished Nicky could read him just as well and vice versa.

Gil wasn't someone who fell in love easily, heck, he just wasn't made for people, he loved his solitude, loved staying in and read a book or just sit in a roller coaster on his own. He had watched colleagues and friends getting married, joining clubs, starting hobbies and with that suddenly becoming a part of something. In his opinion though someone who became part of something was lost, had lost his identity and he always considered himself lucky to have escaped.

And yet, ever since he had met Nick, he had started to wonder how it actually was to be part of something, whether it really meant to lose himself... and even more he wondered whether it wasn't worth losing part of himself, if it meant he would gain part of Nick as a return.

Ironically he had lost his ability to read Nick the moment he had acknowledged his feelings for the younger CSI and this loss made him nervous now, sitting next to the dark haired man, made him concentrate on the road much more than he needed.

The silence in the car didn't bother Gil on the contrary, he was almost glad, that Nick seemed deep in thoughts. This way, he didn't have to talk himself and could think about what had happened. Once at his house he showed Nick the guest room, the bath and where he kept spare blankets and towel.

"I've asked Warrick to drive my car over, so you don't have to drive me to the shift tomorrow."

Nick's words were spoken so casually that it took Gil a moment to process them, then he shook his head.

"What are you talking about? You are not going to work tomorrow."

He could see that it had been the wrong thing to say as Nick stopped unpacking and tensed.

"Gil, I'm not going to sit in this house doing nothing until this guy is caught, double the police force at the crime scenes, if you need but don't force me to become a prisoner myself."

Nick was beautiful like this and the thought was completely inappropriate, yet it came back again as Nick stared at him, waiting for an answer. Gil was torn, part of him wanted Nick around him, so that he could watch over him, another part though wanted to wrap the younger man in cotton and make him stay in the house.

"Ok, you work, but any crimes scenes, you'll process them with me."

For a moment there was a tense silence in the room, finally Nick nodded though and finished unpacking. Gil stood in the door, just watching the other CSI getting organized and suddenly he wished this was for real, suddenly he wished that Nick was really moving in and not just camping out because some mad man was trying to kill him...

"Is it ok, if I take a shower?"

Nick, naked in his shower... the innocent question awoke images that made Gil shudder, but he caught himself just in the right moment.

"Feel free."

He wanted to add something, but the sound of his mobile disrupted his thoughts.

"Jim, anything new?"

Brass' voice was hoarse and tense and the emotions that Gil had successfully suppressed until now, came back at the fore front. The killer was still out there, there were still three bullets left to be fired and one of them was intended for Nicky...

"I talked to Lower, he basically admitted to plotting the entire thing... Problem is though, although we know who the shooter is most likely, we don't have any traces of him..."

The knot in Gil's belly turned to lead at the information, that Lower indeed had planned all this... Somehow he had hoped against hope, that he had misread the evidence, that Nick wasn't a target.

"Gil, there is something else, something you have to know... The man we look for is an Ex-Marine; he was in their snipers corps..."

He didn't hear anything beyond the last words.

‘Sniper corps'

Nicky wouldn't be safe with him or with anyone... He couldn't even feel safe inside a house and that thought frightened Gil to no end. He didn't hear Brass' voice calling his name as the cell phone slipped from his fingers and fell on the hard floor, didn't realize he had walked towards the bathroom until he suddenly stood in front of the door.

He froze when he heard the shower running and unbidden images of how Nick would look under the warm spray of water flooded his mind. Then his blood ran cold again as Brass' words came back. Nick was hunted by a sniper... the word brought Gil in motion as he almost ran from room to room closing the curtains and blinds in every window, obscuring the view of anyone trying to find Nick.

"Grissom, are you ok?"

Nick wore sweats and a white t-shirt, his hair was still wet and some of the drops had wet the white fabric making it almost see through, in the muted light of the room Nick seemed to glow golden and the yearning Gil felt made him weak,. He knew that it was more than lust what he felt for the younger man, more than sex that he wanted from him... and he hated himself that all these emotions had turned Nick into a target.

"Gris, what did Brass say?"

The soft hand on his shoulder, the tentative touch almost as if Nick was afraid of scaring him, the concern in the depth of the dark eyes... it all only enhanced what Gil felt and he had to shake himself out of the trance like state he was in.

"They talked to Lower and he admitted to being behind this."

Gil saw that Nick paled at the words, saw the tremble that went through the slender body and he realized that Nick too had hoped they were wrong.

"So, I am his final target."

The simple statement made it hard to answer, so he didn't.

"Brass told me, they know who killed the others... But they haven't located him yet."

As if he sensed that Gil withheld information, Nick looked straight at him.

"Who is it?"

"His name is Frank Snowdon and according to Brass he's an ex-Marine... god damit Nick, he was a sniper for them..."

Whatever else he had wanted to say died in his throat as Nick sat down on the couch as if his legs wouldn't support him anymore. For a second the younger man visibly fought to get his emotions under control, then he looked up again.

"And I thought you wouldn't like the sun."

It was a miserable attempt to make a joke and it served perfectly to break Gil's heart. If only he hadn't fallen for his colleague, if only Lower hadn't seen it...

"I am so sorry, I wish I could..."

He didn't realize that he spoke loudly until he felt Nick's hand in his own and gently softly the younger man made him sit down on the couch.

"Gil, you didn't do anything wrong... Don't blame yourself for someone else's crimes."

The concern was back as he locked eyes with Nick, concern, compassion and something deeper, something he had seen just before Nick had held him closely while packing. It was an emotion, he didn't dare to name... Normally seeing the deep feelings Nick had for him, would have made him happy, now though it only served to make him feel guiltier and fuelled an anger he couldn't contain.

"It's my fault that you are a target, my fault, Nick!"

He almost shouted the words as he tried to push the younger man away, but Nick didn't let go of his hand and his eyes remained locked with Gil's.

"No, it's not your fault, just because you hand out the assignments? If I hadn't been working with you, Sara would be a target now, or Warrick, or Catherine. Gil, it was just bad luck..."

Some part of Gil's brain shouted at him to calm down, to stop ranting before he let something slip that would destroy everything, but the irrational part, the one that had roared to life in the second he had seen the first victim, won.

"You don't understand Nick, it wasn't because you were at the scene with me, it was because Lower understood when he saw me looking at you."

He saw the confusion in Nick's face and wished he could avoid the next question, but Nick wouldn't let him turn his eyes away and so he waited silently and more afraid than he had been for a long time.

"What did he understand?"

It was one of these life-defining moments that Gil had always read about and never believed. If he lied to Nick, the younger man would either believe him or not. But what if he believed him and the unthinkable came to pass, Gil would lose the other man without ever having him told how much he loved him... The thought of Nick dying without knowing became unbearable and still looking into Nick's eyes he told him.

"He understood that I love you."

----

"I have talked to the sheriff and he's made the shooter our number one priority that means there are no other crime scenes to be processed by our two shifts until we have this guy."

If anyone was surprised, they hid it well. Ecklie wasn't exactly known as a friend of either Nick or Grissom and neither was the sheriff. Catherine, Warrick and Sara stood straight, tense as if they were ready to attack him should he not treat the case with the necessary importance. Ecklie smiled almost bitterly, he knew that if he were the target no one would race to find the shooter. Of course they would do their jobs and do them well, but he didn't evoke the same level of love and respect Grissom and Stokes did.

"Brown, I want you and Sidle back at the two previous scenes, search the floor, the entrance anything for traces. I want to see where the bastard was before he shot the two men; I want to see where he hides while waiting for the next command."

Brass had already briefed the team about the talk with Lower and the two CSI understood immediately why Ecklie wanted to find the shooter's observation place. Nodding curtly they left Sara first, Warrick though stayed for a second longer.

"You'll keep us posted, will you?"

Once the two had left, Ecklie turned to Catherine.

"We have to search any potential hiding place of this guy. The army and the NY police department have sent over their files and a list with possible hang outs. I'll brief you on the way to the first place."

For a moment, Ecklie expected her to object, but when he looked at her intently she gave in. The car ride was tense for the first couple of moments until he finally couldn't stand the silence anymore and gave in.

"Look, we both don't want to work with each other, but for god's sake we have to, ok, so don't act like a fucking spoiled child..."

Knowing that she had won the first round by forcing him to speak, Catherine relaxed a bit. She didn't like Ecklie, hated how he had hassled her and the rest of the nightshift on several occasions for the sole reason that he wanted to look better for the superiors. Although it was almost two years, she hadn't forgotten how the supervisor hadn't cared about Nick during the Kristy Hopkins case. Still, he was doing his best to help the younger man now, so she could at least be civil.

"I just don't like being kept in the dark, you know something, something apart from the sniper thing and you haven't told either me or the others. If you want us to find clues for this guy, we need to know who he is..."

She trailed off as she saw the other man's face. Ecklie looked at if he was the one threatened and in a perverse way it comforted her.

"There is more, but we need to talk to these people first, time is crucial ok?"

She nodded and again they fell back to being silent until they stood in front of the single story house, where according to the army's file Mrs. Ford, a former girlfriend of Frank Snowdon lived. The dark haired woman looked surprised to see two CSIs at her house and her eyes grew big when Catherine mentioned Frank Snowdon.

"I haven't seen him for over five years. When he got kicked out of the army, he changed, became nasty, threatening me and my family, so I left him. He called me for weeks always telling me, that some day a bullet would hit me or my closest person, then I changed numbers and states..."

She looked fragile as she swayed.

"He's here? Do you know, does he know that I...?"

Catherine held her gently as the young woman tried to get her composure back. Silently she looked at Brass, who shook his head.

"We don't think, he came her because of you Miss. But just in case we will keep some surveillance cars here, if that is ok with you."

Mrs. Ford was visibly relieved and there went Catherine's story about her being nothing but a great actress. Back in the car, Ecklie hit the wheel with his hand.

"Damit, I was sure, she would know."

Surprised by the outburst, Catherine looked at the other man questioningly.

"You know Grissom, don't you?"

Surprised now and suddenly wary, she nodded in agreement.

"How likely is it, that this will prompt him to tell Stokes?"

Shock didn't cover enough emotions to describe what Catherine felt hearing the question, but before she could say anything, Ecklie spoke again.

"Look, Brass filled me in, I don't care ok, but it is important, so what you think?"

Struggling to get used to this new, nice Ecklie and to a Brass that told Grissom's deepest secrets, she needed a moment to consider her answer, but in a way it was easy.

"I think if this doesn't make him see how precious time is, then he will never understand."

Again Ecklie hit his wheel and the angry sound, when he slapped the honk accidentally mirrored his frustration. Stopping at a red light he turned around and the intensity in his eyes took Catherine aback.

"Look, we don't have time for games, will he tell him or not?"

Sensing the urgency behind the harsh words, Catherine nodded, yes Gil would tell Nick. Maybe not right at the beginning, but with the threat hanging over the young man's head, Grissom would tell Nick.

"Damn him!"

Shocked at the shout, she stared at Ecklie, but the other man just drove faster as an answer, only when they had to stop again he started explaining.

"When we talked to Lower, he said, that if he were behind it all, then he would wait now until Grissom had told Stokes and they had found love together. Only then he would kill Stokes, because and I quote him... ‘it might hurt to lose someone you never had, only dreamed of, but it hurts so much more to lose someone after having tasted the ecstasy of being with that person...'"

The complete silence in the car enhanced the impact of Ecklie's last words, served to bring home the genial evil of Lower's mind and Catherine shivered as she forced her mind to understand.

"So when Gil tells Nick..."

She couldn't finish the sentence and Ecklie did it for her.

"... he signs his death certificate."

-----

Warrick kneeled on the bed, looking for anything that could help them locate the killer, but even in the UV light, there was nothing. Sara on the other hand was busy vacuuming the floor and for a while Warrick just watched her, before he finally gave up.

"Sara, what are you doing?"

The dark haired woman looked up as she was finished and gathered the swept up dirt into an evidence bag. Labelling it properly she took her time before she finally turned around and answered.

"You know, I remembered something I read in the Forensic Journal. In Australia they located a serial killer by comparing the dust from carpets in his victims' houses. They found a specific kind of sand and could narrow down the home to a close neighbourhood and they got him."

Still not really understanding Warrick just looked at her until she rolled her eyes.

"Well I'm going to compare what we have here with what I'll collect at the second crime scene and maybe we'll find something."

Although it somehow sounded far off, it was more than he had and at the moment Warrick was ready to believe in anything if only it would keep Nick safe. As they walked out of the hotel, Sara suddenly laughed although it sounded more like a sob.

"You alright?"

Sara shrugged the comforting arm off and shook her head.

"I was just... you know, just thinking that, if I had said this to Nick, he would have told me that I need to get myself a guy..."

Again she almost choked and this time she didn't shrug off Warrick's arm instead leaned against him as she cried. In a way, Warrick realized he was receiving comfort at the same time as he gave. They all were affected by this case, all had problems dealing with the fact that it was one of them that was threatened, but he would have never thought at Sara would be the first to crack.

"We'll find the guy in time and we'll get him. We'll keep Nick safe."

He spoke slowly, soothingly, the words he said tender and full of conviction. They were meant to calm Sara down, but in his head he spoke different words, in his head he cursed the killer and the instigator and swore that if they hurt Nick, he would hunt them down.

If anything happened to his friend, he would make sure that they would not need a lawyer anymore.

He drove while Sara got herself under control again and started to speak about the Forensic Journal again. The more she spoke, the less promising it sounded and maybe it showed in his eyes, because suddenly Sara trailed off and shivered.

"I have to keep occupied, I have to do something else I start thinking about it, you know? I mean when did we suddenly become targets?"

He almost hit the breaks at the question and was grateful for the red light knowing that he would be in no condition to watch for traffic now.

"Suddenly? Sara in which world are you living? Holly got killed almost three years ago, Nick has been stalked, had a gun pointed at his head… Catherine was attacked at a scene, got kidnapped and Gris..."

He stopped speaking when he heard the honking around him and forcefully getting himself back under control he drove one. For a long time there was silence, then Sara spoke again.

"It's different though, the other things... they happened while we were investigating, they happened on a crime scene. This guy, he's been targeting Nick and Gil, just because they did their jobs well. He's not trying to prevent them from solving a case, he is out for revenge..."

It was clear that she wanted to say more, but they arrived at the second scene and silently Warrick was grateful that Sara didn't go on with her theory. He didn't want to hear about the threat, about the ice-cold hate that stood behind the crimes, it scared him to death to imagine that the man they were up against might be too smart for them.

‘This would be such a Grissom case.'

Something Greg had said before they had left and it was true. Grissom was the one who dealt with the evil geniuses, he was the one who somehow understood how they ticked. But now, when they would need him, he wasn't able to work on the case. Warrick understood Brass' call, knew from bad experience that friendship and work didn't work together, but still...

"Look what I found."

Two glasses, one still showing lipstick marks... He bagged them and flashed back to the first scene.

"We found two glasses at the hotel room, one had lipstick. They both had female company before they were shot."

Sara looked up from the vacuuming she did.

"So you think, that's how the killer got into their rooms?"

Pensively Warrick nodded and then shook his head again.

"It doesn't make sense though, I mean, Nick wouldn't invite a girl in his house and have some champagne with her, not knowing that some killer is out to get him."

Looking around the small flat with her torch, Sara glanced outside and stopped for a while.

"Maybe he needed the woman because, he couldn't do what he was supposed to do if he killed the men in his normal way."

She motioned for Warrick to step next to her and he saw what she meant. Both men had died in rooms with windows, both hotel and apartment building were surrounded by other flats. A sniper would have had an easy shot from anywhere.

"He had a message to deliver that's why he needed the woman."

Slowly Sara nodded again.

"Vic one was shot four times, vic two three... same places, same position, same music. He wanted us to know that he is after Nick, he wanted us to know that it is a countdown and he wanted us to know that it is Lower behind all of this."

Following her trail of thought, Warrick took off from her when she stepped back from the bright light.

"So he employs this woman to seduce vic one and two, slip them a sedative and when they're asleep she opens the door and lets him in. He kills the guys, puts on the music and leaves."

They were back in the car, when Sara came up with her last thought.

"He had to leave us something, that's why he couldn't use his normal technique and he will continue with vic three in the same way..."

Again Warrick followed her thoughts and finished the sentence for her.

"... but with Nick he doesn't need to leave a message, he doesn't have to shoot several times and there is no need for music... So with Nick, he won't need the woman, because with Nick..."

He couldn't say it and it seemed as if Sara felt the same way, but they both knew and the unspoken words hung in the tense air in the car.

‘... with Nick he needs only one shot and he will take that from afar.'

---

"I am a genius."

Catherine raised an eyebrow at Greg's strangely muted display of weirdness, but as she saw the concern and fear in the DNA man's eyes she couldn't help feeling with him. It had to be hell to know that a friend was in danger and doing nothing but sitting in the lab.

Oh hell, who was she fooling? It was hell, even if she was out interrogating people...

"So genius, what did you get?"

Greg waived two DNA sheets at her, the movement too fast for her to see anything.

"Greg!"

He recovered immediately and showed her the analyses.

"When Gris brought the glasses from scene one, I swabbed them for DNA. The first I found was the vic, the second was unknown, but something seemed familiar. Then I heard that Lower was behind it and I retrieved his data from the file. Now look at the DNA on the left, it's Lowers..."

He made theatrical pause, but continued fast at Catherine's glance.

"Now compare it to the right."

Stunned Catherine looked at the two samples.

"They are related."

Proudly Greg nodded.

"Related and female, does Lower have a sister?"

"Sister?"

Warrick had heard the last comment and changed a look with Sara. Handing over the two glasses he explained their theory to Catherine, who looked sick as he once again couldn't finish the last idea. Swallowing hard, the older CSI gathered her composure and sent Greg to test the DNA on the second glass, before distributing the roles again.

"Warrick, you go out to the prison, Ecklie and Brass are with Lower. Grill him about his sister, we have to find her, if we find her, we find the sniper."

Then she looked at Sara, who pointed towards the gathered dirt.

"We'll look at the samples and try to find anything. Greg, let us know immediately!"

Warrick left and drove towards the prison. On the way there he tried to get himself under control, but the thought of meeting the man who threatened his friend made his blood boil and he was glad when Ecklie met him outside.

"Catherine just called, here's the record of any female visitors he's had. There's nothing in the file about a sister, but comb through this information. We have to find her!"

Not bothering to answer, Warrick grabbed the files and a chair as he sat down to read the details about the women who had come to visit the monster who wanted Nick dead.

Sara and Catherine worked in silence, the known particles were on one side of the large table, the unknown or to be examined on the other. So far they hadn't found anything similar in the two samples and slowly Sara got nervous.

"We have to find something before he has the third vic."

Startled Catherine looked up, startled because she had been focused on her work, not because of what Sara had said. They all knew that once the third victim was found, Nick was next.

"We'll get him, I swear, everyone makes mistakes and I'm sure he's not an exception. And then we..."

She trailed off when her phone rang.

"Brass, I thought you were with Lower? You're where, what... Oh my god..."

Sara saw her pale, saw her grab the glass table for support for a moment and knew even before she told her, what had happened.

"They found the third victim."

---

"He understood that I love you."

For a long time Nick was sure that he had heard wrong, that his ears had played a trick on him, but the fear in Gil's eyes was real and so was the other emotion almost hidden underneath the fear and the concern… Love...

"You love me?"

As soon as he said it, he wanted to kick himself, but Gil only took his hand and slowly repeated his words.

"Yes, Nick, I love you."

Hysterical laughter bubbled up in Nick, quickly followed by anger so strong that he couldn't keep it in and he ripped his hand from Gils with a violent move.

"Dammit Gil! Do you have any idea, how long I've waited for this? Do you have any idea what I would have given to hear these words from you? I've loved you for four fucking years and never, never ever got any sign from you that you might feel the same! And now, now that some guy wants me dead you suddenly tell me? Now, that I might die you just come up and..."

His anger collapsed as quickly as it had built and left him empty, broken and embarrassed. It was true, he had loved Gil for so long, had wanted him for even longer, but the way he'd just reacted to...

"Sh... Nicky, I've got you, it's all right. I'm here."

Strong arms around him, soft words whispered in his ear, warm air caressed his neck as Gil continued to hold him, rocked him softly and just whispered tender nonsense. The reality of what had just happened hit Nick then, Gil had just told him that he loved him... and now he was held in those arms. Arms he had longed to be in during nights when nightmares kept him awake and had dreamed of when exhaustion made him pass out.

For a while he let himself he held, and then gently he moved his head until his eyes met Gil's.

"I love you."

He had never believed when people told him, that three words could change someone's world, but as he whispered those three little words, as he spoke those eight little letters he could feel his world shift and move and in a way it felt as if everything in his life just moved back a little in order to make room for Gil. Gil, who looked at him with eyes burning with an intensity that set Nick on fire too and suddenly the close proximity wasn't soothing anymore but arousing and with a moan, Gil leaned in and captured Nick's lips for the first time.

Gil's lips were soft, not scrapped or hard, but soft and gently and he felt seduced by them, seduced to open his lips and let the searching tongue slip in. The taste that was Gil assaulted him, sweet like the mints his lover had started to eat during their shifts, the texture of his tongue slightly raspy where the taste buds were, Nick noticed everything with something like a hyper active clarity.

He noticed the softness of Gil's shirt as he caressed his lover's back, the play of muscles underneath the body and shivered at the strength he found in the older man.

"I need you."

The quietly spoken admission earned him a deep groan and he felt Gil holding him even closer. Then suddenly the maddening kisses stopped and he became aware of the intense eyes on him.

"I need you too Nicky, more than I've ever needed someone."

All those years that he had worked for Gil, he had wondered how it would be to be in the centre of Gil's focus, to feel all this intense concentration and fascination on him. But every fantasy paled to the reality of the emotions rising in him as the blue eyes studied him, studied him with a passion and a need that made him shiver.

Gil noticed and a quick smile ran over his face, before he leaned in again and tenderly kissed Nick again. Then Nick felt him withdraw again and without wanting to he groaned at the loss of the wonderful feeling, immediately Gil's hands returned and soft fingers caressed the kiss-swollen lips.

"Let's move this to the bedroom, I want to be able to caress your entire body, to feel you against me, to see you completely bared."

The hot words sent another shiver through Nick and he trembled with desire as he followed his soon-to-be lover into the other room.

He almost ran into Gil, when the older man stopped suddenly and at the muttered curse he carefully peaked over the broader man's shoulder. And couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him at the sight of a large spider sitting on the white bedcover.

"Do you think she / he will mind sharing you with me?"

Confused and shocked, Gil turned around to explain, but immediately caught the teasing grin in Nick's eyes. Relieved he caught the escapee and put it back into the cage.

"I forgot to close the cage yesterday night..."

Nick just raised an eyebrow and still laughing leaned against Gil until his front was pressed against Gil's back and gently kissed the exposed flesh on the neck.

"You'll have to get it used to the cage, I don't share..."

As soon as he said it, Nick wondered if he had come across as too possessive, but the shudder and groan that went through Gil's body erased any of his fears and without warning he was pressed against the other man again.

"I will never share you Nick, you are mine!"

Nick was at loss of words at the passion and possessiveness in Gil's voice, but immediately he was pushed on the bed and his lips were taken in another kiss.

It was the kiss he hadn't dared dreaming about, Gil was not asking for permission, just took what Nick was more than willing to give. Feeling dizzy, he couldn't remember ever having been kissed like this before; and slowly he realized that Gil had just taken over the total control… total control of his mouth, his body, his breath and his soul. It was like going parachuting without a parachute. Desire ran through Nick's body, settling in the lower areas making his jeans suddenly very uncomfortable. His knees grew weak, his heart beat a mile an hour, but most of all Nick felt Gil. Felt the smaller but muscular body pressed to his, felt the strong arms holding him tight, felt the arousal pressed against his own, but most of all, he felt Gil's soul completely focused on kissing him, on bringing him pleasure… Him… Nick Stokes... It was almost too much to bear… Nick's groan brought an end to the kiss and he felt Gil's eyes on him once again.

"You are mine."

Some part of Nick screamed at him to deny it, to be scared by the almost obsessive tone in Gil's voice, but his heart was louder and the love in Gil's eyes made him smile and agree.

"Yes, I am."

Tender hands caressed the swollen lips, slipped into the hot cavern, over teeth, tender, soft caresses, that would never have had the potential to arouse Nick, but this was Gil and with Gil everything was different.

"I need you now."

He smiled as he saw the surprised look and slowly began to unbutton his shirt. The dim light in the room outlined his body and painted shadows on the flesh that was revealed bit by bit .Gil just stood there watching every move he made with a hunger in his eyes that made Nick moan.

"I've waited so long for this."

Gil's words were mere whispers as he leaned down and pushed Nick's hands away. The aggressiveness he had shown before was banked away, he was gentle and loving but it wasn't what Nick wanted. He wanted Gil completely, wanted all of him, all of his passion and so he leaned over and kissed Gil's neck until he purred.

"I need you, not soft and gentle but hard and you... I want you to lose control."

Right after Nick saw the words register in Gil's brain, he bit him hard, not hard enough to draw blood but hard enough to mark him. Gil looked up sharply and as their eyes locked for a moment Nick saw that his lover understood.

"You're mine too."

With a growl Gil moved in and kissed him once again in this mind-numbing way while his hands were busy removing shirt, pants, underwear, until Nick was naked. Only then did Gil lean back and Nick felt the blue eyes take him in, a shudder went through his body as he realized that he was literally naked, naked and exposed to Gil's eyes.

"Nick, you're beautiful."

He didn't think anyone had ever looked at him with so much desire and love. Gil's eyes were almost black as he leaned in and brushed his hand over the toned chest. The touch was soft and yet it caused Nick to arch up, desperate for more and Gil smiled a bit, but before he could move further, Nick was finally able to utter some words.

"Clothes off."

For a second, Nick saw Gil hesitate, but then the older man started to undress and Nick's breath caught. Never in his dreams would he have imagined how beautiful Gil was. Nick couldn't decide which part he wanted to kiss first. The broad chest going softer in the middle, the dark nipples standing proud and erect, the trail of hair leading down... Gil wasn't an athlete, but he was surprisingly muscular and to Nick the choice was too great but then again they had the rest of the night.

Unaware of what he was doing his hand had been trailing over his own chest, caressing his own body and suddenly he heard a moan. Gil was staring at Nick's hand and his eyes riveted on the movement, small shivers running through his body until he almost jumped at Nick.

"This is mine to touch."

His words were hoarse whispers but Nick forgot them immediately as his hand was replaced by Gil's and his lover started to stroke him softly. The idea of Gil stroking his cock was enough to make him almost come, but the proximity of the naked body made it even worse. Gil was close enough for Nick to be touched himself and Nick indulged in some of his fantasies as he caressed the strong back, the soft skin on the arms, the coarse hair leading down his body. The first tentative touch at Gil's cock made the other man go completely still before he looked up.

"Nick I need you now, I can't wait... I need to be inside you."

Gil was shivering with need and urgency and all Nick could think in this moment was that it was better than any fantasy, better than any dream.

"Take me, Gil, please take me, make me yours."

Within moments Nick felt a finger teasing his entrance and a shiver of anticipation ran through him. This was Gil; this was real and not a dream. In the same moment his lover touched that one point in Nick's body that had the power to make him lose control. The loud moan reverberated through the room. For a moment Gil stopped his movements and looked at Nick, his eyes full of wonder and love.

"Gil, now, not your fingers, you..."

Gil though shook his head at Nick's plea and tried to add another finger, but Nick just grabbed his hand, he didn't want another finger, he wanted to feel Gil, all of him. He could feel the tension in the older man's body, could feel the desperate need to make it good for him, but Nick also knew that he couldn't wait anymore and so he shook his head frantically as Gil tried to reason with him.

"Nick, you are not ready... I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't care, I need you..."

His voice broke and he poured some lotion in his hand, reached for the condom on the nightstand and slowly, carefully began to apply it first, then slicked the cock with the lotion. His eyes fixed on Gil, Nick could see what his touch did to his lover and saw the exact moment, when Gil couldn't take it anymore.

"Nick, stop I... No..."

"Take me."

"Oh god yes."

Gil's words turn into one long moan as he slid into Nick in one trust. It hurt for a moment and Nick had to fight the tension, but then Gil was deep inside him and it was like everything was falling into place, like the one missing piece of the puzzle had finally been found. Nick was home, finally home.

Gil had his eyes closed, small shivers were running through his body and just for a moment Nick got anxious. Then Gil opened his eyes and the same overwhelming feelings that coursed through Nick's body were mirrored in the blue orbs that glittered with love, passion and something so deep it was almost tangible.

"I love you so much."

Gil reached out and entwined their hands.

"You ready?"

He couldn't speak, his voice had been robbed since he had felt Gil inside him the first time, but as his lover moved back a bit, Nick's deep moan must have told Gil everything he needed to know. Nick felt him move in slow measured trusts until he arched back on him.

"Let go, love me completely Gil."

Something in Gil's eyes changed at those words and Nick could see that Gil had finally lost the control over his body as he began to move with an incredible force making Nick cry out and lose every sense of reality.

Nick didn't know where he was, who he was... He was floating on a see of fire, drowning in the fire without feeling any pain, kept safe by the blue sky above him, a sky so blue it was unreal. He heard a voice crying out, heard a second voice answering and suddenly realized it had been him. Gil whispered his name over and over while he moved inside him, strong hands were around his cock and suddenly Nick couldn't hold back. Watching the blue explode he heard the whispered command from his lover.

"Come with me."

And he did.

---

Awareness came slowly back and the first thing Gil noticed was that he was crushing Nick. Yet his words of apology were stolen by a loving kiss, while gentle hands combed through his hair.

"I love the feeling of your body on mine."

Turning his head so that he could see the dark eyes of his lover, Gil saw the truth of that statement as the younger man literally snuggled against him.

"It makes me feel safe."

Gil saw the small mark on Nick's shoulder and a smile crossed his face, he had marked Nick, marked him as his. Eyes flying over the swollen lips, the strong yet now pliant body underneath his, he felt love like none he had felt before and slowly the words Nick had spoken filtered through his brain.

‘it makes me feel safe'

The threat was far from gone, but Nick was his, had always been his, but now he was more than ever and so Gil, just enfolded Nick in his arms as he turned them so that they lay side by side.

"I will always keep you safe."

They both knew that rationally it was an empty promise, but it wasn't their rational mind that ached for a confirmation, it were their hearts. Nick shivered lightly and looked at Gil with love in his eyes.

"I know."

Moving to close the gap between them, Gil leaned in and captured Nick's lips in a tender and loving kiss. For long moments they lay like this, lost in each other and their love.

The ring of Gil's cell-phone shook them out of their trance and yet they maintained their closeness as Gil fumbled on the nightstand to get the phone.

"Catherine, what's up?"

His left hand played with Nick's hair, while Nick's hands slowly painted circles on his chest. The young man's breathing was slow, relaxed and in the after-glow of passion he was breathtaking. Gil watched his lover while listening to static noise until he finally heard Catherine.

"Sorry for the bad line, we were in a tunnel. Gil, there is a problem..."

Gil went still at these words, his eyes still watching Nick, but now portraying horror instead of passion and Nick immediately moved closer, giving comfort for once. He knew what Catherine would tell Gil and the next words coming through the phone proved him right.

"We've found the third victim."

-----

Sara had been awake for over 30 hours now, but as she bent over the traces she gathered from the third victim's floor, she didn't feel the exhaustion. Normally she would have been tired, no matter how exciting a case was, no matter how much she wanted a killer to be caught, the work, the long hours always took a toll on her body and after working for 24 hours she usually felt the effect.

Today was different. Today she was wide awake, almost hyper with clarity and concentration. As she looked at the samples, the little heaps of different items she had vacuumed from the floor, she felt as if she didn't need a microscope to see every single detail. It was an almost scary feeling,, but Sara recognized it as what it was, determination...

Since she'd been a little girl, determination had always been her strongest asset and her weakest point, her determination had turned a school geek into a top long distance runner without loosing the good grades, had made her sit through lessons she didn't understand and go home and read every book until she knew what her lecturers had talked about... It had made her superior in San Francisco see past the foster home upbringing and see the talented CSI and now… Now it would make a killer go behind bars, before he could harm her friend.

For a moment, Sara looked up and her eyes ghosted over the deserted lab, Warrick and Catherine were still at the third crime scene, Ecklie was with Brass trying to find Lower's sister... She was alone and for a quick second allowed herself to think which case she was working on.

They weren't working on an unknown victim, this time it was one of their own and just the thought of losing Nick hurt too much and immediately she pushed it away. When she had met Nick three years ago, she had taken an instant dislike to him, too much did he remind her of the frat boys that had made her college days hell. Then she had gotten to know Nick and the younger man had become like a brother to her and now? Now someone wanted to kill him... and she would do anything in her power to avoid this from happening. And yet it seemed hopeless, every turn they took was a dead end, everywhere they searched they came back with nothing. The sister remained a mystery, Lower refused to talk to the police, the sniper's contacts had not seen him... They had three dead men, they had a suspect and knew the mind behind the plan, but they had no idea when or where the next attack would happen. All they knew is that they were running out of time.

There was only one bullet left, only one victim still alive... Sara swallowed hard and bend once again over the pictures from the scene.

The beeping sound of the analysing tool shook her back to reality and she quickly read through the print out. In the vacuumed result there had been various fibres, kinds of sand and dirt but it was one item that caught her eye and reaching for the other two sheets she smiled. There was one component that showed up on all three sheets.

"It's a kind of oil, used to make roofs water-repellent. This chemical combination is new on the market only came out something like two years ago..."

With every word Greg spoke Sara felt more hope grow, maybe they had just caught a break.

"We have to find out which company used it and on which building."

Greg nodded and watched as she sat down on the computer and started the database with all the information about buildings. She had already forgotten about him and for a moment he was tempted to just leave the lab and go back to his own domain, but then he remembered what case they were working on and shaking his head he interrupted Sara's thoughts.

"What can I do to help?"

Surprise that he was still here, but somehow no surprise at the question registered in Sara's face before she smiled lightly.

"Why don't you do the database search while I go and talk to the main sales place, maybe they can help me with it."

She didn't ask whether Greg understood the database or knew what to search for and he smiled as he watched her leave, Sara was one those people that just expected you to be as knowledgeable as she was, lucky him that at least in the office he was. Greg smirked before he started to type again, yet as he looked down at the sheet again the smile slowly faded from his face. He wasn't doing this for fun, he was doing this for a friend, a friend whose life was threatened...

Looking up he saw the pictures of the three killed men, the three men that looked so much like Nick he felt bile rise in his throat. The images seemed to mock him and tell him that no matter what he did he wouldn't be fast enough. Greg typed faster and a shiver ran up his spine.

"We have to find him."

--

"Hey Cat, come in."

Gil was pale and his voice was drawn. Catherine could see that the last two days had taken an enormous toll on her supervisor. Carefully she put a hand on his shoulder and asked with a lowered voice.

"How are you holding up?"

The soft smile was familiar and yet not and it took Catherine a moment to realize why. Gil often smiled when he didn't know how to answer a question, or when he didn't want to answer, he smiled but the emotion never reached his eyes, this time though, it did...

"I have been better..."

Gil trailed off when Nick walked into the room, smiling at Catherine before sitting down on the couch. Taking a seat herself Catherine watched them carefully for any signs of panic or fear, but they both seemed composed and calm.

"You want something to drink?"

Grissom looked startled when Nick asked Catherine making her and Nick smile lightly. He wasn't used to people in his home, wasn't used to playing host and it showed. Nick on the other hand had grown up in a house full of people, loved having people around and for sure knew how to entertain. Catherine smiled again before she asked for a water and then watched the younger man as he disappeared in the kitchen.

"You have told him about the sniper, haven't you?"

Irate eyes met her own at the question, but the anger in them subsided and was replaced by a deep fear, that made Catherine's breath catch. Grissom had always been an enigma to her, understanding him had never been easy, now though it was. Grissom was afraid, terrified and his next words confirmed it.

"How could I not? How could I not tell him and have him walk outside the house right to his death? Do you think I would survive it?"

The gasp behind them made Gil jerk around and for a moment the two men's eyes met. Something almost tangible passed between them, before Nick silently put a glass of water and sat down. Catherine noticed that he sat closer to Grissom, saw how he fixed their boss with his eyes and held her breath when he carefully caressed the pale face.

"Gil, I won't go outside without protection, I won't die on you. Do you hear me? I won't let myself get killed."

It hit her then and she felt awe and happiness spread through her, happiness that her friends had found each other, awe that they let her see it so open and yet... At the same time as she felt happy and elated, a feeling of dread cursed through her as Ecklie's words echoed in her mind.

'it might hurt to lose someone you never had, only dreamed of, but it hurts so much more to lose someone after having tasted the ecstasy of being with that person'

She knew immediately that Gil knew nothing about the threats, about the interview Brass had had with Lower, because there was no way the older man would have started something if he knew it would only endanger Nick further. The sudden silence in the room made her turn and she saw the two looking at her with questions in their eyes. The reason behind her visit came back to her and she started to update them on the case, the progress and the third victim.

"Sara and Warrick found lipstick and sedatives, they suspect that a woman helped the shooter getting into the room, Greg compared the DNA found in at the first scene with Lowers and came up with a close match, we assume that he has a sister and that potentially this sister is the one seducing the guys..."

The relief she saw on Nick's face was almost painful, and a glance at Gil showed her, that the older CSI hadn't made the mistake of getting his hopes up.

"Nick, he doesn't have to get close to you, with the others he had a message to deliver, with you..."

Gil's voice broke and immediately Nick's arms were around him, soothing him with whispered words that made Catherine smile and yet again broke her heart.

"I'm safe here, I won't go outside until they have him. Gil, he can't harm me, he won't..."

She had always admired Nick's ability to relate with the victims and somehow it was fitting that the younger CSI would not worry about himself instead calm and comfort the man he loved. Catherine smiled when she remembered something Brass had said long ago.

'Nick has a too kind soul for this job.'

Maybe the captain had been right, but as she looked at the two men giving and taking comfort from each other in this harsh situation, she wondered whether it wasn't the other way round... whether it wasn't the rest of the team having a too hardened soul... Shaking her head, she coughed slightly and continued her explanation, telling them how they were looking for the sister and how Sara were trying to find the sniper's hiding place by vacuuming the floors and separating out the particles. Nick snickered at the comment and mumbled something about Sara needing to get a life, but immediately turned serious again and fixed Catherine with a clear gaze.

"So you have three dead guys, but still nothing but a name for the killer."

His voice wasn't accusatory or even wondering, he was simply stating a fact, but as Catherine nodded she saw the cracks in the controlled façade, saw the fear and terror in the dark eyes and how Nick's hands trembled as he reached for the water bottle. A quick glance towards Gil showed her that the older man had seen it too, but let it go knowing that Nick hated breaking down in front of someone.

Gil's eyes met hers and she understood what he was saying without words. Sighing lightly she stood up, went to the toilet. When she came back to get her coat, she saw the two men once again in each others arms, hugging so tight that the despair they felt was visible. Nick caressed Gil's neck softly and whispered soft words in his ear. His eyes met hers and she could read the gratefulness and waved goodbye.

Nick's smile accompanied her to the door, but just as she was about to leave she heard Gil's voice again.

"If it weren't for me, nothing would have happened, you would be safe..."

Shivering she waited for a moment until Nick's answer drifted over to her.

"You know that is not the truth, don't blame yourself for loving me... Don't fall prey to him, please, love, don't sacrifice our love for him..."

Again a shiver went through her body at the soothing, yet desperate words from the younger CSI and as she stepped outside in the sunshine Catherine vowed to herself that neither Gil nor Nick would ever find out how evil the entire plan had been.

---

Brass and Ecklie were arguing outside the building when Catherine parked her car, coming closer she heard the words 'idiot', 'creep' and others and smiled lightly.

"What's wrong Gentlemen?"

The two men turned around and growled. To her surprise she realized that they hadn't been arguing with each other, but about something else.

"Just back from a visit with Lower, I can't stomach this guy anymore."

Ecklie's face was pale, deep wrinkles around his eyes and Catherine once again was surprised to see how this case affected the other man. Ecklie wasn't a friend of Gil's and yet he worked on this case with a force and determination that stunned her. She was tempted to ask, but before she could say anything, Jim focused on her.

"You were at Gil's, how are they?"

Taking a deep breath she walked ahead and went into the next empty meeting room, once there she told them what she had seen and talked with Grissom. When she finished it was silent until Ecklie fixed her again.

"Are they together?"

Unsure how to answer, she avoided her eyes only to return them shocked, when he hit the table hard with his hand.

"Damm Cat, I am not your fucking enemy. You think I would try this hard, just to destroy them once this is over?"

His eyes burned and suddenly insecure she swallowed hard. Something was going on here, but instead of asking she nodded and clarified with words.

"Yes, they are... and Conrad, Gil can never find out about the details Lower said, it would... it would kill him"

Ecklie nodded, but his eyes were hard. He glanced at Jim and shook his head.

"Fuck it, this bastard plays the music and we just dance along... Everything is going as he planned it, everything just like he..."

His voice trailed off when Sara knocked and walked inside, she looked just as exhausted as the rest of them did, but her eyes were alert and there was a tremble in her hand.

"We narrowed down the substance and found 24 houses which were painted with the water-repellent in 2004. 12 private houses in various suburbs, three have since then been repainted with another chemical solution..." she put down a map with red dots on it "... these are the remaining 9 houses. Snowdon must have been on one of them before the shootings..."

Catherine looked at the map and then at Sara, the younger woman seemed paler than normal and swallowing hard again she pointed at one red dot.

"Archie did a computer simulation, from this rooftop, he has a direct shot at Gil's house."

Brass, Ecklie and Catherine froze as the meaning of Sara's words registered and for a second it seemed as if Conrad's words were echoing through the room.

'this bastard plays the music and we just dance along'

"Gil, talk to me."

Nick's arms were tight around him and he could feel the strong body pressed against his back. Soft hands caressed his arms and the words were spoken in a gentle, pleading tone. It was everything Gil had dreamed off in the rare occasions he had allowed himself to dream of being with Nick. And yet he couldn't bring himself to speak, couldn't bring himself to snap out of the fear that had grabbed him the moment he'd realized that there was just one bullet left...

"Gil, please don't shut me out."

He could feel the light tremble that went through Nick's body at those words and suddenly realized that his lover was just as afraid as he was, if not more. Slowly he turned around and lifted a hand to caress Nick's face gently.

"None of this would have happened without me."

Gil wanted to say more, but Nick's hand went to his lips and a stern shake of his lover's head told him that speaking wasn't an option. Instead he felt the other hand drawing him closer towards the strong body and as he leaned against it, Nick softly began to speak.

"Do you remember the Hendler case?"

He knew that just by the tension in his body, Nick knew he did. It had been one of those cases where nothing should have gone wrong and almost everything had. It had been the first time he had been faced with the fact that he could lose Nick on the job, not just lose him to another person but lose him completely, finally...

"I stared in the face of a gun that day and it didn't have anything to do with you. I got stalked by Nigel Crane and you weren't the reason for it."

Gil pressed Nick's body against his, he couldn't hear more, he couldn't go back to these moments where he had almost lost the most precious person in his life. But Nick spoke on, knowing probably what he did to Gil but pressing on nonetheless and the older CSI realized that his lover had a point to make.

"Gil, I have been in danger, but everytime I was, you were there to safe me. Do you realize this? Do you understand, that if it hadn't been for you, Amy Hendler would have shot me? That without the call you made to Brass, Nigel would have killed me?"

His lover was relentless and forced him to look at the painful cases in a different way, the way, Gil suddenly realized Nick looked at them. Suddenly he understood and a shiver of something went through him, he couldn't name it, it was fear and terror and yet it was also relief and awe... Nick met his eyes and in the dark depths he saw the love this young man felt for him, saw the confidence and trust and most of all saw the truth that Nick had seen all along.

"Without you, none of this here would have happened, because I would be dead for a long time. Without you Gil, I would have never worked on this case, but not because I had been somewhere else, but because I would be dead, gone forever..."

Nick's hand ghosted over his face before it joined the other in the tight hug again and Gil found himself mesmerized by the one tear that slipped out Nick's eyes.

"You've kept me safe so far, and I know you will keep doing so."

The trust and love in those simple words made him shiver and for a moment he couldn't do anything but hold Nick close and thank the powers to be that they had brought this man into his life. When Nick Stokes had walked into Jim's office all those years ago, he had been caught in an acute feeling of lust at first sight, but it hadn't been until a particularly gruelling case that he had admitted to himself the love he felt for Nick. And suddenly I felt the urge to take Nick away and show him those places in the world that had become a secret haven for him, when the reality of Las Vegas became too much.

"When this is all over I want us to go away on holidays. I want to show you a place like nothing else on Earth, a place where you are closer to heaven and hell than anywhere in the world..."

He hadn't realized that he'd spoken loudly and it wasn't until Nick tensed in his arms than he did. Looking at him with a smile in his face, his lover disentangled himself from his arms to walk over to the kitchen grabbing a glass of water and drinking it slowly.

"Where to you want to go? Heaven and hell??? I think we've got enough of hell here in Vegas, don't you think?"

It was a different kind of hell, but Gil knew that he would never have to words to explain the reality of what Iceland was to him and so he just smiled and showed Nick the picture of the glacier lake on his desk.

"Iceland."

He could see Nick looking at the picture of the large icebergs floating on the pale water, saw his lover look at the dark formation in the pure ice, dark marks that came from the volcanic ash and for a moment he forgot the threat that hang over their heads and imagined how it would be if he were to show Nick this special and different country.

Nick shook his head and smiled, but his smile vanished when Gil's phone rang and for a moment Gil saw the younger man tense, before he grabbed the small gadget and handed it over.

"Do you think hiding behind closed doors and curtains is enough for your lover to survive?"

Gil felt hate starting to boil in his stomach when he saw the frantic glance that Nick sent to the windows, but before either of them could say anything, the voice continued harshly.

"Do you want to find out what it is all about? Do you want to see the reality behind the truth?"

It were the spiteful words that made Gil shiver, but at the same time his mind was completely lucent and he analysed the game that Lower played with him while he waited to make his move. He knew that the only way to get Nick safe out of this was to play along and try to win a game he was supposed to lose right from the start.

"You know that I want to know what the truth is, but I am not sacrificing Nick for this quest of truth."

There was no reason to deny Nick's importance and so he didn't.

"Come to see me, then, but I want to talk with you and only you. Don't you dare to bring this bloodhound of a cop or the other CSI with you. You come to me and maybe, just maybe your CSI lover will be allowed to live."

He had had killers play games with him, killing so that it was clear they were challenging him to find them like Sid Goggle had, killing so that he had known he was on their target list like Paul Millander, but he had been able to play along because it had been him who was endangered, him who would be dead if the worst came to pass. In all the previous times, Gil had been able to keep his mind working and be detatched enough to never loose track of the reality and of the intentions behind every move.

It wasn't working now, fear clouded his judgement and he couldn't answer as the taunting voice asked again if Lower could expect him, for a moment he was paralysed and it took a while for him to realize that Nick had taken the phone from his hand and slowly, silently but in a voice so deadly that it almost scared Gil spoke to Lower.

"Touch him, hurt him or cause him pain in any way and there won't be a safe place on this planet for you to hide."

Eyes open with shock, Gil watched as Nick ended the phone call without waiting for an answer and turned the phone off. Only then did his lover turn to him and all the anger that was in those dark eyes disappeared and was replaced by love and concern.

"Gil, don't listen to him."

But Nick didn't understand men like Lower the way Gil did and so he just shook his head and went to grab his jacket. Nick's hand on his shoulder stopped him for a moment and he turned around to meet pleading eyes.

"Don't go Gil, don't let anyone doing this to you, don't let him hurt you like this. Please..."

The dominant strong man who had spoken to Lower had disappeared and in his place was the Nick, Gil knew so well, strong yet caring and full of love and concern. It made the band around his heart tighten and so did his resolve to talk to Lower, talk to him and talk him down.

"I have to Nick, he wants to play and I have to accept. It's the only way I can beat him at this game."

Nick's hand slipped from his shoulder but instead of letting go, the younger man held him close and silently pleaded with him to stay. Gil felt the silent resignation when Nick drew back and quietly kissed him.

"Come back to me Gil, please come back to me."

The tears in the dark eyes said what Nick didn't dare saying. He was afraid that this entire plot would end with Gil lying somewhere dead.

And as Gil walked towards the Tahoe, he silently promised Nick that he would come back. But he too knew that if given the choice between him and Nick...

It wouldn't even be a choice.

---

"Nick, buddy, what's up, you sound terrible!"

Warrick pretty much felt like slapping himself with something hard as soon as he said those words. How was Nick supposed to sound after all he'd been through?

"Rick, I need your help."

There was an urgency in Nick's voice that triggered all of Warrick's inner alarms and immediately he sped up in his car driving way over the speed limit towards the lab.

"Anything, anytime."

It was a standard answer between them and one that was true. There was nothing Warrick wouldn't have done for Nick and vice versa. They had saved each other from gambling addictions and mad mans more than once and Warrick had promised himself that this time wouldn't be different. He wasn't going to lose his friend over an idiot with a grouch against Grissom.

"Gil got a call from Lower taunting him about us hiding and..."

Nick's voice broke for a moment, but Warrick just gave him time until the other CSI found his voice again and continued.

"... he's on his way to see him at the prison... I don't know Rick, I have a really bad feeling about this... I don't want him out there alone with him..."

Warrick could have told Nick that the bad feeling he had had just doubled but he didn't want to scare Nick too much and so he just told his friend that he would take care of it and to be careful.

"Promise me one thing Nick, no matter what, stay inside ok!"

The slightly annoyed but affirmative grumble from the other side made him smile both amused and relieved. He didn't want Nick outside and somehow he had a bad feeling about his friend being alone, shrugging his shoulders he once again told Nick to remain where he was not matter what and hung up. Shivering lightly at the thought of Gil and Lower in the same room he called Brass and asked him to catch Gil on his way to the prison.

As he walked into the lab, he noticed Cat, Sara, and Ecklie sitting in the conference room looking pale and tired, the tension was thick in the room and it almost made him walk backwards until Catherine looked up and he saw the fear in her eyes.

"Cat, what has happened?"

An incredible fear clenched at his heart and silently he pleaded to all the Gods in the world that her next words wouldn't be a declaration of Nick's death. He couldn't lose his friend, wouldn't survive if he wasn't strong enough to save him. Nick had kept him safe, when he'd been falling after the episode with the singer and now it was his turn and all Warrick hoped was that he could repay the favour.

"Sara matched the traces from the floors and got the houses that were using this chemical as a water repellent, one of the houses is close to Gils... If Nick goes outside..."

Catherine's voice trailed off and Ecklie picked up when it became clear that she wasn't able to say it.

"... Snowdon gets a clear shot at him."

The bad feeling that Warrick had felt when Nick told him about Gil driving to Lower increased to a level he recognized as panic and with a shiver he tried to control the urge of running off and driving to Nick.

"Gil's gone to see Lower."

His words seemed to hang in the room as his colleagues realized what the implications were.

"Nick promised me to stay inside, no matter what!"

The three other people just looked at him and with a sigh, he had to admit the truth.

"But we all know how Nick is."

For a moment there was silence again, then though Ecklie started to issue orders speaking fast and in a voice that didn't allow and contradiction. Warrick saw that the older CSI was pale and that there was a fear in the dark eyes that confused him. Ecklie, like the rest of the team, seemed to take this much more personal than a normal case, but where it was to be expected by the nightshift, it came as a surprise that the man who tried everything to demote Gil was just as concerned.

"Catherine, you call the prison and Brass, Gil is not allowed to see Lower under any circumstances ok!"

"Warrick, you drive out to Stokes and for god's sake call him and tell him about the potential shooter on the opposite roof."

"Sidle, you and I notify the police about the shooter and then we go to that damn building making sure that this bastard won't escape."

They walked or more ran out of the room knowing that in this moment every second counted, but when Catherine stopped as if she had walked into a wall they couldn't help feeling inept and as if nothing was enough. They all knew what she was going to say and her trembling words confirmed it.

"Brass was too late, Gil is already with Lower."

---

"Mr. Grissom, I feel honoured that you left your lover just to see me."

Gil had suppressed his feelings for Nick for so long that it almost came naturally and although he was surprised by the ease with which he managed to push all thoughts of Nick and the threat against him of his mind, he wasn't going to complain.

"You wanted to see me, so here I am."

He could see that the cold voice and his calm manners rattled Lower, but when a quick smile crossed the other man's face, he knew that in order to win this game he still had a long way to go.

"You know, I didn't really want to see you Mr. Grissom. But I have studied you, you and Mr. Stokes and I noticed one thing. As much in love as you guys might be, you are very different people, but there is one trait you both have."

Lower looked up and as Gil followed his eyes, he saw Brass walking towards them. Lower smiled again and leaned closer.

"You both forget your safety if it comes to the safety of others."

Something cold ran through Gil at this words and he looked deep into Lower's eyes. The other man fixed him and this time it was a smile of pure evil triumph.

"What do you think will your lover do, if a distraught woman knocks on his door, telling him that she'd heard a shot and that Mr. Grissom is lying outside?"

Brass had come into the room just as the last words were spoken and Gil had never been so happy to see his friend. One look was enough and Brass indicated to the guards to take Lower away, only when the killer was gone did Gil answer the question and the answer made him feel ill to his stomach.

"Nick wouldn't go outside, he's smarter than that. He knows that there is a woman involved."

Brass' voice cut through his thoughts, but Gil shook his head.

"No, he would... because it will be me she mentions."

The truth of the statement seemed to hang between them as they drove towards Gil's house.

"He will run outside because he loves me."

Brass tried to cut him off, but Gil just spoke on.

"And that love will kill him."

---

Sara wondered why Ecklie had chosen her to take down the shooter, but before she could even ask, the other man turned and she felt cold hard eyes assess her.

"I asked you, cause you seem to be the least emotional of the group."

Not knowing if he was insulting her or complimenting her, she stayed quiet and waited for more information.

"Catherine and Warrick would shoot the guy immediately and so would Brass, you on the other hand, you'd at least wait for him to turn around."

Ecklie's voice was calm and cold and it made Sara want to scream at him. She wanted to get some emotions out of the other CSI, but before she even could say a word, the supervisor raised a hand to silence her.

"Don't Sidle, just don't."

There was just a strong emotion behind those short words, that Sara quieted down before she even realized what she did. For a moment there was silence in the car until Sara gathered her courage and asked calmly for their next steps.

"I've already called O'Reilly and he will be waiting for us at the building. Then we will go up to the roof, find him and bring him down."

It sounded so easy that Sara almost missed the last words.

"... and hope we won't be too late."

The words hung heavy between them until Sara leaned down and turned the radio on. The soft voice of some pop singer seemed to lighten the mood a bit and Sara forced herself to relax.

Nick will be fine, she kept telling herself, he had to be fine. There was no other option.

Three more blocks, one right turn and then 8 more blocks, they would make it in time, she was sure.

It was only when she heard Ecklie's gasp, that she realized that change in music and the song filtering out through the speakers made her shiver and suddenly she wasn't so sure whether they would make it in time.

---

There was only so much on Discovery Channel that one could watch without getting antsy and the fact that at the same moment as he watched a documentary about mating rituals of the Australian saltwater crocodile, Gil was talking to Lower, didn't help either.

Nick's finger shook as he grabbed the remote to search for something more interesting, but in his mind he already knew that nothing would be able to keep him from imagining his lover sitting opposite the man who wanted to kill him.

He didn't remember the case too well, in a way it had just been another murder and the only thing that stood out in connection with the case, was that Gil had once again refused to let him work a murder case alone. Nick smiled bitterly as he remembered the humiliation he had felt, when Gil had told him about his decision and suddenly his eyes stung with tears.

All I wanted was to protect you.

Gil had never said so, but with the knowledge he had now, Nick knew that this had been the real reason for his decision. If only the older CSI had explained it back then, but then again, without knowing about Gil's love for him, there would have been no way, he would have believed it.

"We're idiots."

The words echoed from the almost bare walls of Gil's townhouse and Nick shivered at their hollow sound. He felt imprisoned, felt as if the walls were suddenly closing in, trapping him here for eternity, alone with some cockroaches and spiders.

"Come back to me Gil."

This time the words were a mere whisper and yet they seemed to resonate in the room and suddenly Nick couldn't stand the silence anymore, couldn't stand the walls anymore and with a shiver he turned the TV back on, upped the volume to loud and walked over to the window. Just one peak outside, just one breath of fresh air...

The desire was damn strong, but just as reached out to open the blinds, Warrick's voice flittered through his mind.

'Promise me one thing Nick, no matter what, stay inside ok'

He was staying inside his rebellious side argued, but his heart remembered the underlying fear and pain in Warrick's voice and he withdrew his hand.

"Time for a shower."

It wasn't exactly the fresh air he'd been looking for, but fresh water would have to do. Nick stretched his muscles and turned his face towards the spray, trying to get the tension out of his body, but at the same time he knew that the tension would remain until Gil was back home.

The music on TV changed, but the sound was half muted by the shower and so Nick neither realized that his phone was ringing, nor that the song played on MTV was achingly familiar.

---

Catherine couldn't remember another case where it had felt so much as if time had sped up while everything she did was in slow motion. Since she had called Brass, she'd been consulting with Ecklie on the phone, headed over to Greg for some last minute results and walked over to her Tahoe to drive to Nick.

And now she was stuck in a traffic jam.

Everything she 'd done shouldn't have taken more than 10 Minutes and yet when she looked at her watch it thirty had passed already.

The ringing of her phone made her flinch and tremble with apprehension, but nothing showed in her voice when she answered.

"Cat, I can't reach Nick."

Warrick's voice held a note of panic in it and for a moment the image of Nick lying in front of his house in a pool of blood, but immediately she had a grip on herself again and calmly answered the frantic man on the other side of the phone.

"Warrick, it doesn't have to mean anything..."

Her voice trailed off as the song started, the hard guitar riffs played by one of the best guitarists in the world. She had once loved this band, but now hearing them made her want to sob.

"Cat, Cat are you still there?"

Her colleague's insistent and urgent words got her back into reality, but all she could say was.

"Turn your radio on."

---

"Turn your radio on."

He didn't want to because from the trembling in Catherine's voice, he knew what song he would hear and the brutal reality of what it could mean came once again crashing down on him.

Warrick had never realized that the worst thing about losing someone was the knowledge that there was nothing he could do to prevent it. He had lost people close to him, but with most of them, he had only found out when it was too late. He had never had to endure the torture of watching it happen without any possibility to stop it.

'What are you doing here?'

'I'm playing cards with a friend.'

Nick's words when he had sat down next to him at the table, they had never played, instead Nick had taken him to the mountains, had made him climb the rocky hills that surrounded Las Vegas and there in the middle of nowhere had held him as he had broken down.

'I need time, Warrick, I still can't go back without seeing him in my room'

He remembered the desperate words that had come out of the blue one night, they had been on a scene and he'd asked something about a game from the evening before. Nick's voice had trembled and this time it had been Warrick who had dragged his friend to the country side, but unlike Nick, he had done so by taking is 4x4.

Remembering the two instances, where he had finally learned how important friends were, Warrick shook himself from his trance as he realized that he'd already thought of Nick in the past tense. The violent shivers that started in his body had nothing to do with fear and everything with anger as he drove his car to the exit line and started to speed up.

There was no way some bastard was going to make him lose Nick.

---

For the entire and way too long drive from the prison facility to Gil's house Jim kept glancing at Gil, waiting for the other man to say something, so show some emotion, but since he had spoken those final, fatal words, Gil hadn't said anything.

'and this love will kill him'

Jim had known Gil for a long time, had seen him fall for Nick the moment the Texan had walked into the CSI office. He still remembered how Gil had immediately withdrawn from those emotions, had withdrawn from Nick, but he also remembered how Nick's open and charming personality had not accepted this withdrawal and so the two had struck something like a friendship.

It was obvious that this friendship had developed into love and Brass was happy for Gil, happy and at the same time incredibly concerned. If something happened to Nick, if they came too late, what would happen with Gil?

Forcefully he pushed the terrible thoughts away and focused on something to say. The one thing that came to his mind was probably not the smartest idea but at least it didn't involve Nick dying and so he said it.

"What are you going to do with Nick and you openly an item?"

Grissom looked at him as if he had just woken up from a nightmare and then shrugged.

"I don't know, step down as the supervisor, Catherine can do it, she's way better at the political aspects anyway."

With a smile Brass nodded to that, relieved that he had gotten Gil out of this trance-like state and into thinking about the future, but soon enough the CSI fell silent again. Checking his watch again and again, he shook his head and suddenly looked at Jim with something like dread in his face.

"What if we're too late?"

---

Simon Lower was lying on his in his cell listening to the radio his hands crossed behind his head, eyes closed... He had been waiting for this moment and now that it was going to happen he was going to savour it.

"Next song is a couple of years old, but hey they are still hot and still rocking and in fact they're in town in two weeks, so have fun with Bono and Edge and 'Even better than the real thing'."

The hard guitar riffs resonated through the small cell and Lower smiled.

He knew that for the people of the CSI Las Vegas team time would freeze in the moment they heard this song on the radio. Still with his eyes closed he imagined each of them...

... Brown violently turning the radio off, almost ripping of the knob doing so, face twisted in impotent rage and anger.

... Willows freezing for a moment, her mask slipping as the terror spread through her body, then almost immediately clamping down on any emotions, cold again, hard again, only her eyes betraying fear and hate.

... Sidle paling, shaking when the realization set in, frantically reaching for her gun, painfully aware that no overtime, no intellect could save her colleague anymore, screaming at the guy in front of her car, her face mirroring the violent emotions that raged through her a potent combination of insecurity and fury.

... Brass cursing at the song, but at the same time not able to hide the apprehension although apprehension for what was about to happen or what was going to happen after wasn't clear.

... Grissom trembling with grief, shaking with the knowledge of what he had just lost and yet still wearing the mask of the unemotional scientist, still pretending to care about nothing but the evidence, his face giving nothing away, the only sign of his grief the hands that shook when they reached to turn off the radio.

Lower smiled again, could feel the victory, could almost taste it, when suddenly another face appeared in his memory. Dark hair, cold hard blue eyes, pale skin and an arrogance that almost mirrored Lower's, the killer's smile faded when he remembered the cold way the CSI had interrogated him.

Conrad Ecklie was a factor he hadn't counted on, the one unknown in this equitation and for a mathematical mind like Lower having an unknown variable in his game wasn't something he could accept.

Tension slowly crept into his body as he went over his plan again checking it for faults and issues, finding none and yet the uneasy feeling stayed.

The song came to an end and Lower stretched his body, enjoyed the feeling of joints and muscles relaxing as he forced the tension to melt away. The sign had been given and soon they all would find that one hard eyed CSI more wouldn't make a difference. Lower could imagine all their reactions so well, he saw their faces locked in this moment, this moment when they would realize that he had won.

Again he imagined their reactions, their faces when they would see Stokes on the street, not dead but dying, not fatally wounded but still serious enough to cause fatal blood loss and for a moment he revelled in the pain they would feel, once they'd realize that there was nothing they could to do to help, because his last instruction to Frank had been clear.

'Shoot anyone who goes near him'

---

When Nick finally emerged from the shower, he had used up all hot water, had given his muscles a good soak and yet he still felt ill at ease and antsy. Shaking his head at the weird music that was blaring through the house, he walked over and turned the TV off.

The sudden silence made him stand still and somehow it seemed the empty walls were only enhancing the silence. Nick smiled lightly and shook his head.

"When this is over, we're going shopping for some art."

He smiled as he imagined him and Gil walking through art galleries and selecting pictures, but somehow he couldn't see them doing this, it was simply too much, too fast... In a couple of years maybe... Nick's breath caught at the thought of being with Gil for the rest of his life and with a shudder he suddenly sat down staring at his shaking hands.

"Please let us get through this, let Gil come back to me."

It wasn't so much that he feared for Gil's physical safety, but Nick knew how destructive words could be and he was terrified of what Lower would tell Gil. Yet at the same time he was determined not to let his lover get away, he had had a taste of the real Gil Grissom and he wasn't going lose him now.

Absently he played with the remote control as he thought back to their love-making and trembled slightly at the care and love that Gil had shown despite the passion and lust which had flared between them. The next time they would make love, he wanted to explore his lover's body, wanted time to find every hot spot and caress every angle. Leaning back he closed his eyes and started to plan how exactly he would seduce Gil, where he would kiss and mark him... He felt his body tighten at the memories and ideas and slowly his hand moved over his body until the thud of the remote control falling from his other hand brought him back into reality. Leaning down to grab and put it on the table, Nick finally noticed his cell phone and frowned.

11 missed calls?

"Who the fuck?"

But as he said it, dread filled him and he tensed.

"Please not Gil."

The calls had come from Warrick, Warrick, again Warrick, Catherine, Brass, Catherine again and five more times Warrick. Nick swallowed the lump in his throat as the implication hit him, three people had desperately tried to call him and none of them had been Gil.

His hands shook as he dialled Warrick's number and waited for his friend to pick up.

"Nick, oh thank God."

Warrick's voice was frantic and Nick immediately reacted to it.

"Rick, please tell me Gil is alright, please..."

His voice trailing off, he held his breath as he waited for Warrick to answer. For a moment there was silence on the other end, but then...

"Nick, he is alright, we called about you, listen to me Nick, you can't go outside, we know that the shooter is on one of the buildings with a clear shot, Nick, please no matter what you hear or what they tell you, don't go outside."

Nick heard the words, but they didn't really register, his legs were shaking and he felt dizzy as soon as he heard that Gil was alright. Concentrating again on the phone he noticed the urgency in Warrick's voice and almost apologetic he asked his friend to repeat, what he had said. Yet, just as Rick started again, Nick heard a shot.

"Rick, hold on, someone's been shooting outside..."

Nick was about to walk towards the window, when he heard a frenzied knock on the door and someone shouting for help.

Immediately he turned around and ran towards the door, urgently talking to Warrick on the phone at the same time.

"Call the police, something has happened out here, I'm going to have a look."

-----

"... I'm going to have a look."

The world stopped right at this moment, Warrick had a short feeling of being completely frozen before he stopped the car hard and jumped out of it. He could see the woman knocking on Gil's door, saw that the dummy lying on the street, slightly hidden by a car, saw the door opening slowly and got his gun out.

"Las Vegas Police, freeze."

The woman froze, but to his horror Warrick could see Nick standing in the open door, open, exposed and vulnerable to any shooter.

"Nick, this is a set up, get inside and close the door."

His voice was trembling as he shouted at his friend and it took all his will not to run over to bodily push Nick back. He remembered Sara's words though and stood behind his car seeking cover from the sharp shooter on the large apartment building opposite the house.

"Nick, please get back in, please."

He whispered the words until he realized that whispering them would not help him, and then shouted them over at Nick, who still stood frozen, staring at the woman, Warrick and the body he must see from afar.

"It's not Gil, Nick, Gil is fine!"

From the corner of his eyes he saw another car stopping and Catherine jumping out of the vehicle. Immediately he drew her attention towards him and motioned her to be cautious knowing that nothing would make Nick come out more, than one of them been shot. It was just a moment he changed his attention from the woman to Cat, but it was enough. Cat's shout alerted him and with growing dread he turned around and closed his eyes in despair at what he saw.

Nick standing out on the porch, a gun pointed at him.

---

Nick heard Rick's voice, but for a second the words didn't really register in his mind, too much of his focus was on the body lying in the driveway, a body which he couldn't see clearly, but from the clothing looked like Gil. Bile rose in his throat and his heart stopped for a moment as he realized that his worst nightmare was coming true...

"Please not Gil."

As if in an answer to his prayer, Warrick's voice drifted over to him again, the desperation clear in it and Nick suddenly shivered in the hot sunshine.

"Nick, get back inside, please."

His friend's words were sensible and the rational part of Nick's brain told him to do exactly this, but his heart screamed at him that he couldn't go inside not when his lover was lying out there, not with Gil dying... A sob escaped his throat as he looked at the woman next to him, a woman who completely still in the threat of Warrick's weapon trained on her.

"It's not Gil, Gil is fine."

Again the urgency in Warrick's voice broke through his thoughts and this time they silenced his heart and with his brain ruling his movements he took a closer look at the body suddenly noticing that Gil hadn't worn dark pants when he had left the house, noticing that there was no way Gil would wear trainers and finally the last of his fears was placated. Silently praying that he didn't make a mistake, he moved around to close the door and hide himself inside.

"Move and I shoot you."

Her voice was calm, her hands were steady holding the gun towards his head without even the smallest tremble, but it was the burning hatred in her green eyes that made Nick shiver because he suddenly realized that he had seen such hatred before. Several months ago, on a cold dark night, eyes just as cold and hard as hers had stared at Gil with the same hate and distaste in them... Simon Lower's eyes...

Slowly he moved his hands in order to show his acceptance and nodded silently.

"What do you want?"

She looked at him coldly before she moved him forwards so that he stood a bit away from the door, exposed in the sun and, as he noticed with a shiver, exposed to any sniper.

"Now we wait for your lover to arrive."

Gil! Fear once again rose in his body, but this time it was a different kind of fear, because finally he understood their plan, understood that they didn't just want to shoot him and had never planned, understood that Lower wanted Gil to see him die and for a second Nick closed his eyes.

"Don't do it."

His voice was trembling as he pleaded with the woman, but her eyes remained just as cold and hard.

"Already begging for your life? Already afraid of dying?"

Her taunting words had no effect on Nick, though, cause just as she spoke them he realized the truth. He wasn't afraid of dying, he wasn't begging for himself, no, Nick was begging because he knew that watching him die would kill Gil, knew that his lover would blame himself for his death...

And as he watched the dark Tahoe speed towards the house he made himself a promise to get through this alive.

Not for himself, but for Gil.

---

Brass swore as he took in the situation before him: Warrick and Catherine on one side of the drive way, and Vega's car on the other and although they all had their weapons trained on the woman standing next to Nick, it was clear that it wasn't them who had the upper hand.

Because even with three weapons trained on her, she was the one who called the shots with her gun pointing at Nick.

"No."

From the corner of his eyes he saw Grissom move and immediately reached out to hold him back, pin him inside the car. The other man's strength almost took him by surprise, but Jim hadn't been in the police force for over twenty years and not developed some muscles. He pushed Gil back in his seat, held him there by sheer force, even though he felt his heart clench at the sight of the pain and anguish in his friends face.

"Let me go, Jim, let me get him."

In his mind, Brass cursed Lower again for knowing Gil so well, for reading his mind so clearly and he hated that the killer had been able to anticipate Grissom's every move. Slowly he looked at his friend until he knew he had Gil's attention before he stared to speak.

"Gil, if you get out of this car, they will shoot Nick."

For a moment, Gil was still before a shiver went through his body as he realized the truth of Jim's statement, Brass watched as the fear in Gil's eyes transformed to understanding and then to terror. He felt the fight leaving Gil's body as the other man accepted that he had to remain inside.

"Stay here, we will get Nicky out of this, I promise."

Brass didn't know yet, how they would get Nick out of the deadly trap Lower had set up, but he knew that every person here would do their best to save the man standing out there.

"Trust us."

It had to be hard for Gil, who wasn't used to trust others, who had never learned how to ask for help and Brass could see the struggle in the CSI's face. Closing his eyes for a moment, Gil finally nodded, his voice was trembling slightly as he pleaded with his friend.

"Save him, get him out of there."

Getting out of the car, Brass prayed that Gil's trust wasn't misplaced.

---

"O'Reilly is here, we have a key to the roof, let's go. Fast"

Sidle's words were short and curt and for a moment Ecklie congratulated himself for his decision to take her with him. He followed her up the stairs, walking and watching, both of them knowing that the actual take down of Snowdon wasn't their job, but the SWAT teams.

The dark clothed police men moved without any sound as they walked through the apartment building, communicating with signs until they reached the roof door. Once there, they opened it with the key, turning it almost painfully slow in the lock and without wanting too, Ecklie felt his entire body tensing as a soft screeching noise was heard. Then they were suddenly on the roof and swarmed the sniper, disarming him without even one bullet being fired.

For the first time since he had been called in by a frantic Jim Brass, he felt himself relax as he watched the police officers escorting the sniper down while he rang Brass.

"Not now."

Ecklie had never liked mobile phones since it seemed every time he used one, he got barked at by the person he called. Knowing the stress, Brass was under; he kept his mood under control and told the captain about the arrest. The good news though were met with a deep sigh.

"The woman is holding Nick at gun point out in front of the house."

Brass hung up as soon as he'd spoken and Ecklie cursed silently. This was a development, he hadn't anticipated and as he told Sara and O'Reilly, he saw their shock and anger.

"This bastard has every possibility covered."

Sara held the rifle in her hands while he spoke and fiddled with the safety before reaching to get the bullets out. For a moment Ecklie just looked at the deadly weapon, knowing that there was a way to save Stokes, but also knowing that by saving the younger CSI he would have to do something he once promised himself to never do again.

"Give me the rifle, Sidle."

He saw the surprise in Sara's eyes as he took the weapon and professionally reloaded it. Years of training took over as he felt himself zoomed back into the past. He had put this all behind and when he moved to lie down where only minutes before Snowdon had had his weapon trained on Nick, he could feel both Sara's and O'Reilly's eyes on him in confusion and probably fear. For a moment their looks disconcerted him, before instincts learned through hours and hours of training took over and he felt his surroundings fade away.

The weapon in his arms was familiar, the movements and procedures still ingrained in him even though he hadn't shot a rifle anywhere but on a shooting range for over twenty years. He noted the wind, the speed and strength of it and in the same time felt the mental and phyiscal response of his body, felt his heart rate slow down, his breathing adjusting to the trance like state as he looked through the seeker and focused on his target.

---

Sara wasn't sure if she had just fallen through a rabbit hole and woken up in the twilight zone. Ecklie had behaved weirdly throughout the entire case, but she had chalked it up to the man having a human side somewhere hidden between the ambitions and the idiot.

Now though, as she looked at the older CSI handling the deadly weapon with an ease and a knowledge only professional shooters had, she felt like she didn't know the day shift supervisor at all.

"Call Brass, tell him, I've got her on target."

Even the voice was different. It wasn't the smooth, oily voice of the man who constantly tried to best Gil, this voice was calm, it was the voice of someone who had himself and his surroundings completely under control. And it was a voice that demanded immediate compliance with orders; Sara almost smiled when she realized that she had dialled Brass' number without even thinking twice.

"Brass, Ecklie told me to call him. He's on the roof with the rifle and he says he's got the woman on target."

She knew that her confusion shone through her voice, but to her surprise Brass seemed to have anticipated this development and his instructions were clear as he told her to rely everything he said onto Ecklie.

"Don't shoot until we give you a go. I will try to talk with her, keep her in target, but unless it is absolutely necessary don't shoot."

Sara felt numb as she repeated the words, her lips forming them, but her mind didn't seem to catch up. It was almost as if she was watching herself talking to Brass, repeating his words for Ecklie. This was not what she had been trained for, this was not the science she had studied and although she had had her share of run-ins, had even fired her weapon once or twice, this here... This just felt as if she was in a bad Jerry Bruckheimer movie.

"Sidle, you listening?"

Gathering herself, she apologized to Brass and then repeated the words for Ecklie.

"If you have to shoot, it has to be fatal."

Her voice trembled at those words, but before she could say anything, O'Reilly took the phone from her hands and gestured that she should sit down. The older police officer talked quickly to Brass and keeping the line open, sat down next to her.

"If he shoots her, but only wounds her, Nick is dead."

Sara nodded because she understood that and yet she was glad that the other man had the phone now. O'Reilly's smile told her that he knew.

"It's ok, I don't like it either, but it seems to me as if you would blame yourself forever if you had to say the words."

Quickly she put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it.

"Thank you."

It was a thank you for Nick, for Gil but most of for herself. It was thanks for the fact that he had taken it upon himself to condemn a woman to her death with one word.

---

"Mrs. Paxton, I am Captain Jim Brass from the Las Vegas Police Department, we have arrested Frank Snowdon, please hand over your weapon and turn yourself in."

Nick saw how her hands tightened over the weapon and wondered if he would ever see Gil again.

"I will rather shoot you myself than turn myself in."

Her voice was still full of venom, but Nick heard the sudden insecurity behind all the hate and anger. Trying to capture her eyes he remembered how Gil had talked Amy Hendler down and slowly, gently began to speak.

"Mrs. Paxton, if you shoot me now, they have no incentive to keep you alive. The SWAT team is here, they have sharp shooters on the roofs, please, you don't want to die anymore than I want."

Some detached part of Nick's brain was surprised how sensible his voice sounded, how he managed to talk without trembling. He still looked at her intently his hands up in a defensive way, while he searched his mind for something to reason with her.

"You don't have to follow your brother's lead. It is your life, your decision."

Her eyes glittered with fury at those words and before he could react she struck him with the gun, pain blazed through his body and he felt the coppery taste of blood where he had bitten his cheek. But he was still alive and the pain only served to remind him.

"My brother would not be in prison waiting for his execution, if it weren't for you and Gil Grissom."

Shaking his head both to clear away the pain that threatened to envelop him and deny her words, Nick spoke again even on the risk that she struck him again.

"Your brother killed someone that is why he is in prison."

Her voice was shrill when she answered and Nick could see how her hands trembled lightly. He wasn't sure if it was a success or not though.

"He told me that he only killed because of you two."

Shocked at those words, Nick contradicted her immediately.

"Ma'am, I had never seen your brother before we searched his apartment after the murder and neither had Gil Grissom."

Slowly he reached out with his hands, praying that he didn't make a mistake and stopping as her hands tightened around the barrel again.

"Please Mrs. Paxton, if you shoot me now, you will have no chance to see your brother again. Please give me the gun, you... "

He heard the clicking sound when the trigger was stretched and closing his eyes he said a prayer, praying, no begging that Gil wasn't somewhere close, that his lover didn't have to witness this. He had failed him and that knowlegde hurt more than any bullet ever could.

"I never knew I had a brother until he called me from prison. I thought all my family was dead, when I found him I was so happy, only to realize I would lose him too and then he told me that it was all because of you."

He silently cursed Lower for roping this woman into is demented game of vengeance against Gil, knowing suddenly that she was just as much a victim as he, Gil and the three other dead were.

"Please, Mrs. Paxton, you are just as much a victim as we are, any court will recognize this, you will be able to see your brother again. But if you shoot me, they will kill you. Please give me your weapon."

Her eyes found his and he saw a pain and an anguish in them, that moved him deeply, made him want to hold her despite what she had done, despite the fact that she had still a gun trained at his head. Knowing that his feelings were easily read in his eyes, he didn't avert them, even as tears gathered in them. All Nick hoped was that she could see the sincerity behind his words, that she...

"He never called until he needed me."

Her words were a mere whisper, while her green eyes bore into his. He could see the shiver running through her body and saw from the corner of his eyes how some police officers moved closer.

"He knew I was out there, but he never called."

Nick felt his heart break as she started to realize how her brother had manipulated and used her. He knew that Gil would scold him for his compassion, but he couldn't help it, couldn't help that he felt for her.

"He never called, never cared..."

Her voice trailed off as tears started to run over her face and her body began to tremble. Slowly, very slowly Nick moved closer and took the weapon from her hand. She looked at him while he did it, handed it to him without any resistance and trembled even more as he enclosed her in his arms to prevent her from falling down as her legs gave out.

Nick knew that the police would be swarming around them within seconds and gently released her. Her hand on his arms stopped him. Green eyes searched his.

"You care."

Her voice was confused and yet full of emotions.

"I threatened to kill you and yet you care more about me than my own brother ever did."

He didn't know how to reply and was saved from searching for words as Brass ran up to them, pushing her up and arresting her. The sudden blur of activity around him, made Nick dizzy and he swayed.

Strong arms wrapped themselves around him, tightened and he was pressed against Gil's body, felt the ripples of tension that cursed through his lover as he leaned in and breathed in the unique smell of Gil, no cologne, never cologne, just soap, cleanliness and Gil.

He hadn't failed his lover, he had survived. They had survived.

It was as if they had spent the last three days and nights processing evidence from a normal case, Catherine thought, as they all sat in their usual boot in the cosy diner. The talk was light and easy, everyone avoiding to mention the case or anything related to it.

Nick sat next to Gil, both of the looking relaxed yet exhausted. The younger CSI had a dark mark on his face, where he had been struck by Mrs. Paxton's gun. He was talking with Warrick while Gil was chatting with Sara and silently Catherine shook her head again.

It really was as if nothing special had happened.

Just as she had thought that, Ecklie came back, balancing his breakfast and his coffee in one hand while holding two chairs in the other. Brass walked behind him, shaking his head and complaining that he really could carry something too.

And with a smile Catherine realized that maybe this wasn't going to be their usual breakfast. Subtly she leaned back, slightly excluding herself from the group and as the rest of her friends and colleagues started to eat and continued to chat, she held her coffee and observed. Because really, while it seemed on the surface as if nothing had changed, one closer look showed her that after these three days nothing would ever be the same again.

Gil for instance might be talking with Sara, but unlike before he wasn't completely focused on her. Not that he wasn't concentrating on what she said or take her seriously, no, it was just that even in the deepest discussion about forensics and new developments his hand would seek Nick's. Catherine smiled lightly as she noticed how Nick squeezed his lover's hand and simply continued to eat with one hand. There was something serene in the way Nick leaned back, the way he talked with Warrick and as he casually put his arm on the railing, his fingers touching and caressing Gil's neck, Catherine understood where this serenity came from.

Nick had always told her that he missed the roots, the safety net he had had in Texas.

'I feel like I'm floating in the air sometimes.'

Now he wasn't floating anymore, he was grounded, settled.

"What are you doing Cat, sitting there and smiling?"

Brass' voice brought her back to reality and she met his gaze, saw the additional lines in his face and contemplated once again how much really had changed.

"I was just wondering how incredibly normal this breakfast seems."

The detective smiled lightly, before a smirk replaced the smile and he commented out of the blue.

"Considering you're sitting at the same table as Ecklie."

The other CSI had heard his name and looked up growling lightly.

"I heard that Brass."

Happy that Jim was distracted Catherine went back to observing the currents and undercurrents in this group, looking at Warrick now. Her friend looked beat, deep lines in his face and even now after all the coffee he'd drunk he looked as if he were falling asleep right on the spot.

Still though as Warrick talked to Nick he was completely focused on the other man, his eyes almost burning into Nick's soul, his hands continuously reaching out to touch Nick almost as if he had to make sure the other CSI was still there. Finally while Nick was talking about some football game he wanted to see next weekend, Warrick couldn't hold back anymore.

"I thought I'd lost you."

The words hadn't been loud, but there effect couldn't have been greater if Warrick had shouted them. Total silence descended over the group while Nick looked at Warrick.

"I mean, fuck, when I was in this dammed car and the song came up... I really thought you were dead. Hey man, don't do this to me again; I don't want to lose another friend."

It all came out in one sentence as if Warrick didn't even dare to breathe in between the words. Yet before Nick could answer, Sara grabbed his hand and made him look at her.

"Warrick is right Nick, we were worried, no, more than worried, terrified."

Seeing that Nick looked between the usually cool Warrick and the always unflappable Sara completely surprised and with eyes not unlike a deer's caught in the headlight, Catherine decided to step in.

"What they are trying to say is, that we are happy that you are ok, happy that you survived, because this case has made us all realize that you are not just a colleague but a friend."

---

Nick felt his heart constrict at the fear in Warrick's eyes and the sincerity in Sara's voice. He had always considered them as good friends and often seen the team as a part of his family, but it was different to hear it and for a second he didn't know how to react. Then though, he reached out and simply grabbed Warrick's hand and squeezed it before he looked at the rest of the team.

"Thanks."

It was simple and short, but he didn't know what else to say. Masking his embarrassment he grabbed his drink and sipped on it before he finally realized that there was one more person to be thanked. Nick knew that Ecklie had gone beyond his duty especially when he had taken the weapon and so he fixed the other supervisor with a smile.

"Thank you too, you didn't have to do this."

For a second there was pain in Ecklie's eyes and if Nick hadn't looked so closely, he wouldn't have seen it. The older man nodded slightly, accepting the thanks but refusing to say anything else. Instead he nodded at the group and got up, leaving the table and the restaurant almost in a hurry. Nick's eyes followed the tall man and silently he promised himself to talk with Ecklie once again, not today though, later.

The silence at the table was spreading and starting to become almost uncomfortable, when Jim suddenly looked at Gil.

"What is going to happen now?"

Nick felt his lover tense at those words and alarmed he looked at the older man; Gil quickly met his eyes, the blue pools conveying a question and a plea at once. Nick understood what his lover was asking and nodded slowly. He knew that Gil wanted to tell him first, but he understood that the others had just as much a right to know.

"You mean with me and Nick?"

Gil's voice was so cool, so composed and Nick envied his lover for being able to mask his emotion so much. He knew that if it had been him who was talking, his voice and face would have betrayed the anticipation he felt.

"While Nick gave a statement and you guys went through the evidence, I talked to the director and the sheriff. I told them about Nick and me, told them that I had an idea how we could solve the problem."

The envy gave way to pride and something akin to amusement, when he noticed the slight shock on Sara's face, the grin that threatened to split Warrick's face and finally Catherine's quiet smile.

"They agreed that with my inability to a) communicate with the press and b) follow up on all administrative issues it would be prudent to have an additional supervisor in the nightshift, someone who's responsible for all the administrative things, while I will remain responsible for the case related issues."

The announcement was met with a collective gasp, even Nick was surprised that the sheriff had gone for it. At the same time though, he felt like shouting with joy, he didn't have to quit his job and would be able to continue working with Gil. Nick knew that they had never discussed it, but for him it had always been logical that he would be the one to quit not Gil. Feeling the arm around his shoulder tighten, he looked up and found his lover staring at him.

"I am sorry that I didn't talk to you before."

The apology was quiet enough so that the others didn't hear it and Nick swallowed heavily as he saw the thinly veiled fear in Gil's eyes. For a moment Nick shivered as he suddenly realized how insecure Gil still felt in their relationship. Without thinking he raised his hand and quickly caressed the older man's cheek.

"It's ok, Gil, they have a right to know too."

Relief was obvious in the blue eyes and for a moment Gil smiled at him, before he turned around and faced the group again.

"So from today onwards, Catherine is responsible for any administrative and communication issues of the nightshift. If you agree to the conditions, that is of course."

Nick could see that Catherine was shocked for a moment, but then she smiled and shaking her head she looked at Gil.

"These conditions will better be good."

The answer to this comment was a collective laugh, before Warrick stretched his body and announced that he was leaving.

"I can hear my bed chanting my name."

As if the comment had been a silent command, the group left, relieved but tired after a gruesome time that had brought one thing home. They weren't immortal, they were just as vulnerable as the other man, they might have saved Nick this time, but no one knew who would be next and if they would be on time then too..

---

"Take me home."

The soft husky voice made Gil shiver, Nick's hand on his tight made him tremble. He had never thought of himself as a passionate man and yet he had had to rein his instincts today to not drag Nick away from the others, to not run into the room where his lover was giving a statement, grab him and kiss him senseless. Some detached part of his brain told him that it was to be expected, that his behaviour was nothing but the adrenalin rush after a tight situation, but he didn't believe it.

What he and Nick shared, it was so much more than a rush of adrenalin and for a second he shivered as his mind flashed back to the sight of the woman holding a gun at Nick's head.

"I can't drive Nick."

It was the truth, his hands shook too much, the reality suddenly intruding again and with a mute cry he leaned back in his seat. Too much, it was too much, he wasn't used to feel so much and for a second he wished that he had never fallen for Nick, had never met the other man... He couldn't deal with this logically, couldn't classify his feelings and it scared him much more than he wanted to admit.

"It's ok, Gil, I'll drive, just move over and I'll drive us home."

Nick's soft, gentle yet strong voice brought him back and his eyes met chocolate dark eyes in return. Nick's hand cupped his face quickly, brushing over his lips with one finger, before he got out of the car and swapped seats with Gil. They drove home in silence as if they both had realized that one wrong word would make the other crumble that both their controls were hanging by a thread. Stopping in front of Gil's house, Nick's eyes automatically went to the front porch and a slight shiver ran over him.

"Do you want to go to your place instead?"

Gil could see that the prospect of getting outside and walking towards the house, walking the path that would have meant Nick's death only hours ago, frightened his lover, but the younger man shook his head at the question.

"I need to do this, need to be with you tonight, here in this house."

And Gil understood what Nick didn't say, understood that Nick had to erase the memories of this day. Slowly he followed his lover when they got out of the car, watching Nick as he walked towards the house, saw him hesitate before he got up the few stairs, he smiled as he saw Nick turn around and look at him.

"You lost the key?"

He grinned lightly and opened the door only to close and lock it as soon as they were inside. He had his phone turned off already and planned to disconnect the land line soon. For the next 24 hours, he wanted time with Nick, time to reassure himself that his lover was alive, that he was with him. His train of thought was interrupted by Nick's lips on his, insistent, urgent, yet still gentle and loving.

"I need to feel you."

Maybe it were those survival instincts that made them crave each other so much, maybe it was something that was ingrained in their genetic code, but right at this moment Gil didn't care. He had Nick in his arms, Nick, whose body was warm and alive under his roaming hands, Nick who stole his breath away with every kiss they shared, Nick who made his knees buckle with the way he caressed Gil's back.

Nick, who was alive, who still loved him, still wanted him.

There weren't many words spoken on the way to the bedroom, somehow it felt as if they were past speaking, reduced to such a primal level that the only communication was touch, taste, passion. Nick's trembling fingers tore at his clothes and Gil felt himself just as impatient as he tried to undress his lover.

"Damn."

Looking up at the curse he smiled at the fire that burned in those dark eyes and stilling Nick's hands he removed his shirt and his pants, watching as Nick mirrored his movements. He drew in a sharp breath as Nick's chest was revealed. Finally naked he walked over to stand close to his lover.

"You're beautiful."

They spoke at the same time, looked at each other and laughed as some of the frenzy melted away. It was good to be together, Gil suddenly realized, not just because of the passion and the love he felt for the other man. But even more because he knew that Nick could make him laugh, because although he hadn't realized it until now, Nick was not only his lover, he was also his friend.

Gil leaned in a bit and flicked his tongue in and out of Nick's ear, pleased at the wriggling reaction this got. He licked his way along the other man's neck and throat and slowly moved further south. He ran a slow, lazy circle round the edge of a nipple with his tongue, moving ever closer to the nub, then kissed it before sucking it into hardness. As he moved on to its twin, he felt Nick arch beneath him, and heard him moan softly.

"Like this?"

"Yes..."

Nick collapsed on the bed, taking Gil with him, so that he was on top, his body stretched above him. For a moment he worried if he had hurt his lover, but the strong arms going around his back and stroking the length of it, up and down along either side of his spine, massaging, kneading, then caressing told him differently.

Their hands both went on discovery journeys over each other's bodies, exploring, mapping, noting hot spots and ticklish places; their lips drew warmth from each other, their cocks rubbed and thrust against each other's strength, their hands stoked the flames into fire. When the heat threatened to overwhelm him, too soon, Gil shifted off Nick for a moment, remembered to breathe, and felt his lover's eyes on him. Gil stopped breathing as he watched the blazing dark fire in them as his lover whispered.

"I want you."

And with those words he moved downward, enwrapping Gil's cock with his mouth, taking him inside his own warmth, his deft tongue and lips leading the older man to the peak of ecstasy again and again without quite going over the edge, until the need spread throughout his entire body, aching tremors of sheer desire rippling through him from head to toe, until he cried out uncontrollablly. Nick withdrew his mouth, leaving Gil utterly bereft and he shivered as he felt Nick's lips on his, as his lover shared his taste with him.

"Take me."

The utter surprise in Nick's face made him smile, but the need was too deep, too strong and so he repeated his words.

"I need you to make me yours."

He could feel the tremors that started in Nick's body at those words, saw the fire and love in the dark eyes and felt the same emotions in the care that his lover took in preparing him. And as Nick finally slid into Gil's body, he felt whole and the deep moan escaping the man above him told him that Nick felt the same. It was passionate and hard and yet it wasn't fucking, it was making love, rediscovering love and as they came together their world seemed to stop for a moment.

And then it was over, and thought gradually returned.

Gil looked at the man next to him, the man he had thought he had lost, the man who had faced the barrel of a gun today, had talked down a woman ready to kill and he tightened his arms around Nick.

"I almost died today."

Nick's silent words broke the barrier that he had built around his emotions and almost in time with Nick he felt himself to start trembling. They were both weak right now, both not strong enough to be strong for the other and yet holding each other while they trembled and cried each felt comforted by the presence of the other.

That was, what it meant to have a partner, Gil realized when clarity came back. It didn't mean that life would go on smoothly and without tears, it didn't mean a constant bed of roses. The only thing it meant was that when the bumps came, when the roses had more thorns than flowers, he wouldn't be alone, there would be someone else with him, someone who was holding him, was crying with him.

"I swore to survive for you; I never wanted to live so much as I do now, for you, with you."

Nick's words were murmured against his neck and for once in his life Gil answered without analysing his response, just speaking his heart.

"Me too, Nick, with you forever."

---

*Epilogue*

Conrad leaned against the railing, watching the water fountains glitter in the changing lights. It was one of those displays in Vegas that enchanted tourists and locals alike for its simple and free beauty. Behind the fountain the large casino seemed to glitter even more, the lights changing even stronger, the promise of luck and money loud and clear.

It was that promise that drew people to Las Vegas. It was the reason tourists flocked the city by the millions.

It wasn't the reason he had come here so long ago.

The colours changed again and the fountain erupted once more when he felt another presence next to him.

"Eight more and we can re-enact the closing scene from Ocean's Eleven."

A quiet chuckle was all he got for an answer and they continued to watch the display until Jim turned around and looked at him.

"You're not cute enough to stand in for Brad Pitt."

It was said with a smile and Conrad didn't take offence, although his voice sounded gruff when he answered.

"You're no George Clooney either."

Brass smiled and turned towards the taller man, the smile changed into a concerned and understanding one, as he put a comforting hand on the CSI's shoulder.

"Are you ok?"

For a moment, Conrad was tempted to shrug the hand and the question off, but the calm eyes reminded him that there was no need to pretend.

"I don't know."

Jim was silent, not asking anything, just waiting until Conrad would speak himself, offering comfort without words by just being there.

"I promised myself, I would never do it, would never go back..."

Now Jim shook his head and still watching the colourful display he wondered why he wasn't surprised about Conrad's comment.

"You didn't do it voluntary and it saved Nick's life."

A nod was all Conrad did to acknowledge this simple and yet profound truth, but Jim knew there was more and so he waited standing close to the other man, his hand still on the rigid back in a comforting gesture.

"It felt good to hold a rifle again, to have this power over a person's life."

He expected the hand to disappear and almost feared the cold which would follow him home, when Jim disappeared now. But the hand only tightened for a second and relaxed again. The fact that the other man hadn't cast any judgement encouraged him to speak again.

"It's addictive, you know, this feeling of power, this feeling of playing god even if it is just for a short moment."

He closed his eyes shutting out the colours of Las Vegas and going back to deserts and jungles. Places he had never thought to visit again in his mind, places he had banished from his memory...

"It was the reason why I left the corps, why I never finished the Delta training. If I had stayed, this guy, Snowdon... it could have been me."

The hand on his back stilled and the pressure increased forcing him to turn around and face Jim, almost afraid what he would see in the Captain's eyes he still met them directly and saw that they were full of warmth and understanding.

"You quit once you've realized the danger. That's what matters Conrad, it's not the what-if's that matter it's the reality."

Brass was silent for a moment before he spoke again.

"Someone once said that it is your choices that show what we truly are."

Groaning a bit, Jim pushed himself away from the railing and turned to walk back to the car. After three steps he stopped and turned back to look at Conrad.

"I'm too tired to go to bed, you joining me for some food?"

Pushing all the dark thoughts away, Conrad smiled and nodded. It wasn't until they were in the restaurant that he grinned again.

"Never guessed you'd read Harry Potter"

Jim looked up and chuckled.

"Well, ditto."

Conrad laughed at the retort and leaned back in the chair, stretching his arms while Jim ordered his food and talked with the waitress. It was only when the other man disappeared to the toilets, that he let his head fall into his hands to stop them from shivering. Jim Brass thought he was a good guy, thought that he had conquered his demons, but the other man had no idea.

Had no idea, that the only reason Conrad hadn't shot the woman, was that it had been Nick Stokes standing next to her at gun point and not Jim Brass.

THE END

I hope you enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! I got hooked to another fandom... Bad me :-)... Let me know if you want a sequel (either Gil/Nick or something with Ecklie) or something completely new.

Next story in series - "In Joy and Sorrow"

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