Title: Requiem
Author: justtopostmyfic
Warning: character death
Rating: FRT
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Summary: Grave Danger. Gil-whump. Hanky warning (hopefully)
Author's Note: Here's something I never thought I'd do!

Death is not the greatest loss in life.  The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.  ~Norman Cousins


We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love.  ~Madame de Stael



"I'll leave you alone with Nick, Gil" Doc Al said gravely.

Grissom could only nod mutely, never taking his eyes off Nick's lifeless body lying on the morgue table.

"Thanks, Al. I- I need to do this last thing for Nick..."

Doc Al could only pat Gil's shoulder comfortingly as he limped out of the morgue's prep room, where bodies were washed before autopsy. What could you say to a friend who had just lost his life-partner to a slow, agonizing death devised by the cruellest of human imagination? Doc Al wondered morosely. 

As Doc Al shut the door heavily on his way out, he left Gil alone to say his final goodbyes to Nick in a most intimate way that was unique to coroners and CSIs.

Nick's body was still warm, and Gil drank in the very last of Nick's body heat.

Taking a deep breath, Gil turned on the shower head and tested the water temperature on his wrist before he  began to wash Nick. Nick always liked to bathe in lukewarm water, and Gil wanted to respect Nick's preferences in his final shower.

Gil began running the water over Nick's hair, so unlike the softness and glossiness Gil knew. In death, Nick's hair was matted with sweat and clumps of soil, and Gil swore he would run his fingers through them over and over until all the dirt was washed off.

As he did that, such a simple act of intimacy and care, Gil realized his vision was blurring up. This was the only time Nick didn't respond pleasurably to his touches. Nick would never respond to his ministrations again.

With Nick's hair clean, he moved on to Nick's handsome face, cupping his jaw gently as rivulets of water drizzled down on Nick. Like another icy bucket of grief, Gil realized that Nick would never again open those brown, puppy-dog eyes; eyes that spoke of so much warmth and expression. He traced Nick's laugh lines with his fingertips. He had to memorize their patterns, he would never see them crinkle into a smile again. He let the tears flow freely now, as they rolled off his cheeks and fell onto Nick's face, intermingling with the lukewarm shower droplets.

As he moved down to Nick's torso, Gil ran his hand over the body he knew so well. As a CSI, he had seen many bodies on morgue tables, and they came in all shapes and sizes. Gil had seen his fair share of athletic male model-types, toned and well-sculpted. But Nick was so different to him because he knew every inch of Nick's body. Gil knew all his muscle contours and constellation of freckles and even that tiny scar, barely visible, because of a paragliding mishap.

Gil glanced further south, and set his hazy gaze on Nick's beautiful, uncut cock. Nick's cock had been in him, many times. In Nick's life, Gil had also used his hands and tongue on it to tease and unleash the most primal and orgasmic sensations from Nick. Another shard of ice through his heart, that he could never make Nick's cock stiffen and be erect and do anything else ever again.

But the biggest blow, the one that felt like an iceberg crashing into his chest and shattering his heart and itself upon impact was the realization that Nick would never just be alive again. Gil wouldn't miss Nick's Adonis physique the most. He would miss Nick for being the wonderful person he was. Nick, who empathized with the victims, who cared enough about other people to help them through rough patches, who didn't judge people, and certainly not Gil. Nick who could socialize with anyone and helped Gil out of his hermit shell. He didn't just lose a life partner tonight, his team of CSIs didn't just lose an intelligent member, the victims didn't just lose a listening ear and a heart that shared their pain. The world lost a valuable member of the human race, and that was what brought Gil down to knees as sobs wracked his body hard.