Title: Untitled
By: Evan Nicholas
Note: Probably a bad idea, but....
insanityoutlet said:
How about a flash/crack fic challenge? 500 words or less, write a sex scene between Gil and the strangest person you can think of and try to make us believe it. Don't worry about how you bring their universes together, just them.
Heh heh... couldn't resist.
Pairing: Gil/Rimmer
Crossover: Red Dwarf/CSI: Vegas
Summary: So how does a hologram do it, anyway?
Note: I'm taking this quite literally, this not-worrying-how-the-universes-come-together thing, because I can't for the life of me work that one out. Also, I'm not sure if this technically counts as a pairing. Oh yeah - and it's unbeta'd and all that good stuff.
Word count: 495

Gil's problem, ultimately, was that he was too curious. Bugs, weather, math, chemistry, literature - anything he could get his hands on, he learned. Including, to a lesser degree, physics. Optical physics, in particular; so he knew a hologram when he saw one.

It was a lank man, bland and vaguely irritating even at a distance, and the reason that Gil knew it was a hologram is because it stepped through a door - not through an open doorway, but through a physical door - and looked quickly up and down the dim hallway.

Some instinct in Gil, some knee-jerk reaction to guilt that his career as a CSI had ingrained in him, kicked in and he stepped into a convenient shadow. Scientists were essentially observers, and Gil was a very good scientist.

The hologram, complete with a ridiculous "H" on its forehead, slumped against the wall with a moan. It looked for a moment like the thing was in pain, only then it slipped a hand down the front of its trousers.

In the shadows, Gil raised an eyebrow. Holograms have sex drives? he asked himself.

Apparently. The hologram moved its hand jerkily at first, then found a rhythm that it liked and its movements became more fluid, more - more organic somehow, and the rest of its face became more animated. Gil watched a flush creep up its holographic cheeks, and he watched its holographic breath come more harshly, more desperately.

And as twisted as it was, watching a hologram - a computer projection, for God's sake - jerk off, Gil felt himself get hard. He tried to tell himself it was like watching porn, but of course it wasn't. Porn was actors. This was... strange.

Strangely exciting. Gil leaned deeper into his pool of shadow and bit at his lip, tried not to paw at his own crotch and found he was losing that battle. And why should he fight? It's not like it was a real person, right? Think of porn, Gil instructed himself sternly, and worked a hand inside his slacks.

His own arousal rose quickly with the twin stimuli of the hologram's actions and the touch of his own hand, and when the hologram started making tiny keening noises and squeezed his eyes shut, Gil found himself doing the same. And blind behind his own eyelids, just listening to the noises of the hologram's ecstasy, was somehow more intoxicating than watching.

A few more strokes and Gil came at the same time as the hologram. H did his best to be quiet, but he knew he'd made some kind of noise because the hologram's sounds stopped abruptly.

He opened his eyes and they stared at each other, each with a hand down the front of their pants.

Gil coughed uncomfortably. "Gil Grissom," he introduced weakly.

The hologram blinked at him, looked panicked, then disappeared through the closed door again. Gil sighed, and looked for a place to wipe his hand off.