Title: Virtues of Pity
By: Read 300300
PG-13
Nick/Greg
Disclaimer: I own it not.
Warnings: Dark. Very angsty.
Summary: There was a moment [...] when both of them made promises they knew they wouldn't keep.

There was a moment, he remembered. A moment when he thought that he would never have to do this again. A moment when it seemed as though the world had stopped. A moment when he was caught up in Nick's eyes and both of them made promises they knew they wouldn't keep.

A moment when he thought Nick truly loved him.

He could have continued on just fine if not for Nick, if he hadn't given up his control and his walls and let Nick in like that. Bitterly, he wondered sometimes if it wouldn't have been better for them never to have gotten together. At least then he wouldn't be so dependant on another person.

Nick had tried, for a while. Nick had held him in the dark nights and kissed him and did everything that he could.

But Nick was only human, and humans swiftly run out of pity. Humans get tired and angry and say things that they'll later take back but that everyone knows are true; they forget their promises. Eventually, they stop caring.

And the worst part was the way Nick had done it. It hadn't been out of maliciousness or spite- two things with which Greg could have easily dealt- instead, it had been out of that sheer, human imperfection that was so obviously present in everyone he'd ever known. Nick had simply forgotten to care anymore.

But that was perfectly fine, Greg rationalized, because he took up too much of Nick's time anyway. Always had, but especially since they'd started dating. Nick shouldn't have to deal with his whiny-baby problems on top of all of that; the older man deserved to have his own life too. Really, Greg could understand the need for space, for solitude, for not letting things get too heavy. He truly could. Yet it filled him with pain that the man he had trusted for so long was now tired of him. Tired of his problems. Greg was defective, and he understood that.

He knew that he could have forced the issue, if he'd wanted to do so- he could have ignored Nick's "I'm kind of busy right now, and you know, the CMA's are on tonight" comment that he received whenever he had called the older man earlier. He could have just shown up at Nick's house, and Nick would have let him stay over for a little while.

They wouldn't have talked, Greg knew, because Nick was sort of the kind of person who just never knew what to say when things got as bad as they were. He would have left after a few hours, feeling as though he could at least make it through the rest of the night. And Nick's love- no, wait, maybe that had just been pity- had begun to run out a long time ago, slowly changing to annoyance. Greg knew it wasn't fair for the older man, but he had nobody else to turn to.

And as much as he wanted to spare Nick the burden of his feelings he knew that he would break if he didn't tell someone. He would break, as he had so many times before. He would break, just as he was doing now.

Taking a deep breath, Greg looked at the glass in front of him, noting that it was about half-way full with deep garnet liquid. He picked up the blade again, figuring that he might as well try for three-fourths.

He didn't need Nick's pity.