By: Serenity
Summary: Nick tries to hide his feelings for Greg. Exposition piece for the story.
Betad by Anmani, who held my hand throughout.
Characters: Nick, Greg
Genres: angst, romance
Rating: NC17
Warnings: violence
Ever since the shifts had changed and he'd been moved to swing, Nick had missed hanging out with Greg. Even during the toughest cases the young lab tech-turned-CSI had been able to put a smile on his face with his latest crazy hairstyle or his incessant babbling about some new band that he claimed were the "saviours of music", but to Nick just sounded like listening to a busy industrial estate. He hadn't realised how much he cared about Greg and how much their friendship meant to him until he was forced to live without it. Sure, they'd made the effort, Greg would always get into work early and have a pot of his infamous Blue Hawaiian brewing just in time for Nick and Warrick finishing their shift. The strong black liquid was like Ambrosia after hours of drinking the swill that passed for coffee in the break room.
The three of them would stand around and drink their coffee, swapping horror stories about their latest cases and plans they had for their time off, but it wasn't the same as when Nick could just pop into the DNA lab at any time and find Greg waiting with a smile and a funny story, or when he was able to take him into the field and show him the ropes.
But now, after everything that had happened, Grissom had succeeded in getting Ecklie to unite the old team again and Nick was working alongside Greg more and more. He was impressed at how much the young man had improved since passing his proficiency and he enjoyed working alongside him. His energy and enthusiasm were contagious, and it gave Nick a zeal for the job that he thought he'd lost.
And now, since Warrick's spontaneous nuptials, the two CSIs had been hanging out more and more. Nick enjoyed Greg's company and Greg always seemed eager to spend time with the Texan. They had their differences, but those differences seemed to compliment each other, like yin and yang. That's what Archie had said to him once, he'd asked Nick where ‘Yang' was, and when he questioned the A/V tech about the nickname, he'd admitted that some of the lab techs had dubbed them ‘Yin and Yang' because you never saw one without the other. Nick had found that amusing…. to begin with.
But slowly, over time, what Nick felt for Greg had changed, becoming more than ordinary friendship. He'd always been confused about his sexuality but growing up in Texas he was expected to be a ladies man, to fit in with his Frat Brothers and be accepted by his family. The womanising persona had been carried with him when he moved to Vegas, and now it was almost expected of him to serial date every willing female that came his way. He could cope with that, pretending to be 100% straight. That was the easy part. What he couldn't cope with was the sexual attraction he still felt towards men. There was always that little voice in the back of his head, telling him it was sinful. He recognised the voice as that of his Father's.
He never went to gay clubs, couldn't let himself be around men who might actually be interested in him, because then he might be forced to deal with what he was feeling. It was why he stuck to hanging out with Warrick and Greg, one happily married and the other always talking about girls. Safe. And when he realised his feelings for Greg were changing from friendship to attraction he was able to deal with it, because there was no danger of Greg ever feeling the same way.
Nick could be attracted to Greg and never have to vocalise those feelings. And if he didn't vocalise them, then he could pretend they weren't really there. He could live his lie without even realising he was lying. He could touch Greg, stand close to him, even flirt with him and then go home and have meaningless sex with whatever girl was in his bed this week. And he could pretend it wasn't Greg's name he moaned as he came.
***
Ever since Nick had been moved to swing shift and Greg had been kept on graveyard it had been difficult to keep their friendship as close as it had been when Greg was still working in the lab. Back then, Nick would come and visit him, looking tired and depressed and Greg would crack a joke or open his coat to reveal some crazy T-shirt that no sane person would wear in public, and all just to see that face break into a genuine smile. And it always worked.
But when Greg moved to field training and Ecklie split the team he had been paired with Sara constantly. He'd missed hanging out with Nick and Warrick, who'd both taught him a lot about being out in the field. Especially Nick, who'd been extraordinarily patient with him, even when he'd screwed something up. Nick had even once taken the blame for a mistake that Greg had made so that it wouldn't be a black mark on his record. Greg had never forgotten that.
Working with Sara had been fun to begin with, but by the time Grissom had managed to get the old team reunited any crush he'd had on her was well and truly extinguished. But his crush on Nick just continued to grow, even though it was futile. Nick was a well known ladies man, with a line of willing females eager for his attention. So Greg looked upon his attraction to Nick as something that would never be realised. A fantasy that would never come true. And he could live with that, even though it hurt. He had a great friend, and those were hard to find.
He always made sure he got into work at least an hour early and brewed up a fresh pot of his favourite coffee, hot and steaming for when Nick and Warrick finished their shift. They hung out in the break room where Greg had to listen to Nick talk about his latest conquest, how beautiful or clever she was. He'd smile and nod and talk about girls he was dating, although most of the times the girls didn't exist, their names plucked randomly from the air.
He didn't dare talk about the men he dated, or the difficult break-up he'd just gone through with a possessive boyfriend. That was private and he didn't know how the other guys would take it and he didn't want to risk alienating himself from them. He knew how straight laced Nick was and he was scared that the Texan might look down on him if he found out that he was bisexual. He didn't want to risk Nick feeling uncomfortable around him. It was safer to pretend.
And now that they were back on the same shift and working closely together, they spent almost all their time together. Their friendship was as strong as it was before the shift change, probably even stronger. And since Warrick's new wife demanded more and more of his time, he and Nick were often left alone in some bar, talking and drinking, or hanging out at Nick's house watching the game on his big TV. Greg thought that those hours alone with Nick made the whole charade worthwhile.
Nick had always been an extremely tactile person, always touching Greg, leaning into him and invading his personal space. To Nick it meant nothing, but to Greg it was a treasured torture. He could make it look like the touches didn't mean anything to him but every morning he would go home and fuck some nameless guy or at least his own fist, and pretend it was Nick. He would even allow himself to moan Nick's name as he came.
***
Nick was walking towards the lockers to grab his bag, ready to head for home. He spotted Greg through the glass wall of the tox lab and waved hello to him, his face automatically breaking into a smile.
Greg waved back and turned to Henry, said something to make the young tech laugh heartily and then jogged to catch up with Nick, slowing down to a walk when he reached his side. "Hey, fancy going for a beer after shift?" he asked, even though it was almost part of their routine that they'd do something together after work.
Nick felt a familiar flutter of excitement in his stomach which as always he tried to ignore. "Yeah, sure G'." he replied, making sure his voice remained steady. "Where do you want to meet?"
Greg ran a hand through his hair and grinned. "I just found this great new place, it's a little out of the way though, so why don't you come over to my place and we can get a cab from there. I intend to have a few so I don't want to be driving. I'm off tonight so I can kick back a little."
"Sounds good." Nick grinned back, and patted him on the shoulder before they went down separate corridors.
~~~
An hour later Nick was pulling up outside Greg's apartment building, having made a quick stop at home to shower and change. Greg buzzed him in and he took the stairs two at a time until he reached the second floor. Greg opened the door still wearing his work clothes.
"Hey man, come on in." he said, stepping back to let Nick enter. "I'm running late, I just need to grab a shower. The cab will be here in about 20 minutes, OK?"
Nick nodded and threw himself down onto the comfortable brown leather easy-chair. "I'll wait here then." he chuckled, leaning back and relaxing, his hands behind his head. Greg tossed him a can of beer and the TV remote which hit him squarely in the stomach, and disappeared into his bedroom.
Nick flipped though the channels absent-mindedly until he came to a station playing music videos. He lay back and listened to the combined sound of country music and water running, almost dozing off.
Suddenly the phone rang, and Greg called through from the bathroom "Can you get that?" as the water shut off.
Nick reached across and lifted the receiver, bringing it to his ear. "Greg Sanders' residence, Nick speaking."
There was a hesitation, then a male voice said "Oh, hi. Is Greg there please?"
Nick craned his neck to see if there was any sign of Greg, but the door to his room was still closed. "I'm sorry, he can't come to the phone right now, can I take a message?"
There was another moment of silence. "No…. no, it's OK. Actually, yeah, just tell him that John called."
Nick jammed the phone into the crook of his neck, grabbed the message pad and scribbled ‘John' on it. "Can I get him to call you back, John?"
"Are you his new boyfriend?" John asked suddenly, his voice low and tight. Nick's head snapped up so fast that he almost dropped the phone.
"No, I'm just a work colleague." He managed to choke, his mouth suddenly very dry. Why did this guy think he was Greg's boyfriend?
"Oh…. Well in that case, yeah, get him to call me. My number's still the same. OK. Bye then."
With that the phone went dead and then the dial tone purred in his ear.
Nick put the phone down shakily as Greg appeared in his peripheral vision. "Who was that, anything important?" he asked.
Nick looked up at him and suppressed a yelp of surprise. Greg, fresh from the shower, was dressed only in a fluffy white bath towel wrapped around his slender waist, droplets of water still rolling slowly down his creamy skin, running in rivulets over the toned muscular body . He was drying his hair with a smaller matching towel, seemingly unfazed by his appearance. The scent of coconut filled Nick's nostrils and he inhaled deeply.
"Nick?" Greg said sharply, breaking Nick's daydream. He forced himself to maintain eye contact and cleared his throat.
"Someone called John, wants you to call him back. He says his number is still the same."
Greg's eyes darkened, and an unreadable emotion passed across his face. "Did he say anything else?"
Nick swallowed hard and shook his head. "Nope, nothing." he lied, hoping that his burning cheeks didn‘t give him away.
"Oh. OK then." Greg shrugged, the small movement making his muscles ripple under the taut skin. "Give me ten and I'll be ready, OK?"
Nick shifted uncomfortably in his chair, suddenly wanting to be anywhere but there. His head buzzed with a million thoughts and he really needed to be alone to figure out what was happening. "Actually Greg, I just remembered that there's something I gotta do, can we take a rain check?" he asked. His voice sounded thick and scratchy, so he tried clearing his throat.
Greg wound the smaller towel around his neck, trying not to look disappointed. "Yeah, no problem. It wasn't a big deal anyway, it was just a beer. We'll do it another time, yeah?"
"For sure." Nick nodded, already rising and making his way to the door, leaving Greg standing alone in his living room.
Greg grabbed the message pad, seeing the name of his ex scrawled in Nick's handwriting. Why did the guy keep calling him? They'd been broken up for ages and Greg had no intentions of talking to him again, no matter how many times he called or wrote.
He ripped the page from the pad and balled it up, tossing it towards the trashcan. He didn't need to deal with John's shit right now. He'd had enough of that to last him a lifetime.
~~~
Nick bounded down the stairs and jumped into his truck, his tires squealing as he sped out of the apartment complex's car park. He drove blindly until he managed, by some miracle, to arrive at his own house. It was more luck than judgement that he‘d ended up there and not smashed into some wall somewhere as his mind certainly wasn‘t on driving. He made it to the front door on rubbery legs and fumbled with his keys trying to open the lock, finally getting through the door after three attempts.
He made a beeline for the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge and downing the cold liquid in three gulps. He held the cool glass bottle to his burning forehead, trying to arrange his thoughts. Whoever John was, he seemed pretty pissed that Nick was answering Greg's phone. And he had asked if Nick was Greg's new boyfriend. Did that mean that John was Greg's old boyfriend?
Nick blew a mouthful of air through puffed cheeks and moved to his living room, settling down on the couch. Greg had never mentioned this John guy, more to the point he had never even hinted that he might be interested in guys, period. That was the main reason why Nick was able to deal with his feelings for Greg, the assurance that it could never come to anything.
But now, that was all changing. If Greg was gay, or even bisexual, then that meant that his feelings for Greg could be reciprocated, if he had the courage to find out. But Nick didn't have courage. Nick was terrified. His perfect plan of Greg being safe was crumbling around him.
There was no way he could settle down to sleep with all these thoughts rushing through his mind, so he got up and put on his workout gear and running shoes and hit the road. Lungs burning, muscles screaming, his mind focused on nothing but the next mile, he ran until his legs turned to jelly and he couldn't catch his breath. Stars fizzed in his vision, and he felt like he was about to pass out, sweat streaming down his face and into his eyes. "Goddamn." he groaned as he realised he'd forgotten to bring water. His legs gave way and he slumped against the wall of someone's house, his ragged gasps and the blood pounding in his ears all he could hear, any other sounds around him muted as if he was listening to them from under water.
A young blonde woman came out of the house he'd collapsed against and enquired if he was all right. He managed to croak "need some water." and she rushed to get him a bottle from her refrigerator. He guzzled it down greedily, the coldness causing his stomach muscles to spasm slightly. He thanked the helpful stranger and limped home, collapsing into bed without showering or changing.
***
Nick slept deeply due to sheer exhaustion, and didn't wake until his alarm beeped loudly in his ear. He reached across and felt blindly for it, finally hitting the right button. He lay in the silence for a while, experimentally stretching his leg muscles. The ache was almost gone from them, so he tried standing on them. They held his weight with only a few grumbles of protest, so he padded to the bathroom and relieved himself.
Turning the shower to the hottest setting, he stripped off the stinking workout gear and stood under the stream of water, letting the powerful stream wash away the sweat and grime from his run. He grabbed the nearest bottle and soaped himself up, freezing in place for a moment when he realized that the new body wash he'd bought was coconut scented. The smell brought him right back to Greg's apartment, and a vision of Greg dressed only in a towel flashed into his mind.
"Shit" he groaned, washing the foamy suds off his body as quickly as he could. He didn't need anything to remind him of Greg right now, that was the last thing he wanted to think about. He climbed out of the shower and dried off quickly, dressing in the first thing that came to him when he opened his closet, not really caring if it matched.
Not feeling like cooking, he grabbed his keys and headed to his favourite diner to grab something to eat, hoping the hustle and bustle of the place would help keep his mind off things.
~~~
As he sat in the diner he began to wish that he hadn't gone out to eat after all, the place was packed and a screaming baby was propped in a high-chair right beside his table. He ate his scrambled eggs on wholemeal toast as quickly as he could, draining his orange juice in a few mouthfuls. Suppressing a belch, he tossed a few bills on the table to cover the check and pushed his way past the people queuing at the counter to be seated.
He drove to work in a half-daze, thinking his situation over. At least Greg was scheduled the night off, so he could put off talking to him for a while. He was hoping it would give him time to get his thoughts sorted.
He arrived into work and literally ran into Warrick. He stepped back and forced a smile for his friend, the last thing he needed was anyone noticing that he wasn't quite himself.
"Hey Nicky." Warrick slapped him hard on the shoulder as he greeted him. Nick felt the sting of the gesture and realised that it was very different to how he touched Greg. Their contact was always softer, with reassuring squeezes and gentle pats on the back or chest, hands lingering for a moment longer than they should.
He realised with sudden clarity that he could never do that again, it wasn't safe. He'd have to change his whole behaviour around Greg in case the young CSI picked up on the feelings he'd thought he was hiding so well. He remembered the mantra his mother always used when she was trying to give up smoking. "To resist temptation, you've got to remove temptation." she would chant as she broke each cigarette in the pack before putting the lot in the trash.
"Earth to Nick?" Warrick broke into his thoughts, his voice low with a hint of amusement.
Nick shook his head to clear it. "Sorry man, million miles away. So, any cases in yet?"
Warrick shook his head. "Nah. Shame Sanders isn't about, I'd kill for a cup of his coffee to set me up for the night, I'm not getting much sleep at the minute, if you know what I mean."
Nick laughed at Warrick's innuendo and they made their way to the break room. He hoped that Warrick hadn't noticed that he'd flinched when Greg was mentioned.
~~~
The shift was busy, several cases coming in within hours of each other, and time passed without Nick having time to think about Greg and how he felt about what he‘d found out. "I guess it really is out of sight, out of mind" he muttered to himself as he went to the locker room.
Just as he turned the corner, he caught sight of the very person he was trying not to think about.
"You know, they say talking to yourself is the first sign of madness." the younger man grinned, not knowing what his presence was doing to Nick.
"Greg!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "I thought you weren't in until later tonight!"
Greg waved his iPod casually. "Left this here yesterday morning and I needed it, so I came back in to get it."
As soon as he saw Greg again, all the thoughts and fears he'd been suppressing for the entire shift came rushing back to him. He moved away until there was a safe distance between them, no risk of accidentally making contact. Greg just stood there, seemingly in no rush to get home.
"So, if you're finished do you wanna get that beer now?" he asked, turning the iPod over and over in his hands as he waited for Nick's answer.
Nick had a mental flash of the two of them alone in some quiet bar, Greg leaning close to him to be heard over the music, warm breath tickling his ear. Dangerous territory. "Sorry G'." he shook his head. "I really can't right now."
Greg shrugged his shoulders, putting his earphones in and switching the MP3 player on. He went to walk away but suddenly turned back to face Nick, pulling one of the earphones out.
"You change your mind, you know where I am, OK?"
He replaced the earphone and disappeared down the corridor. Nick sat on the bench with his head in his hands, deciding there and then that the only thing he could do was to try and avoid Greg as much as possible. He'd be civil to the guy if they were on a case together, but other than that there would be no contact. It would be easier that way. His Mother's words echoed in his head again. To resist temptation, you've got to remove temptation. And that's exactly what he would do. It had to work. He didn't have any other choice.
Warrick had followed him into the locker room, and he looked up at his friend, forcing a bright smile. At least he still had Warrick. "Hey, ‘Rick?" he asked. "Fancy a beer?"
~~~
For the next month Nick managed to avoid hanging out with Greg outside of work. He cited previous engagements, headaches, and any other excuse he could think of to explain why he couldn't see him. He started hanging out with Warrick more and more as well, because Warrick was still ‘safe‘.
At first, Greg didn't even realise that Nick was avoiding him. His childlike naivety of always wanting to see the good in people meant he'd believed Nick's excuses to begin with. One evening he'd even brought in some of his strong painkillers from home, concerned for Nick's frequent headaches. But when he'd tried to give them to Nick, the CSI told him that his head was fine and he didn't need Greg fussing over him like a mother hen.
And so Greg kept asking Nick to hang out, and Nick kept finding a reason to turn him down. He was disappointed but he tried to understand, tried to be the happy-go-lucky Greg that everyone knew and loved and expected him to be. But inside, he was as lonely as hell.
~~~
Their shift was just about to end and Greg decided to try asking Nick for a beer, hoping that his response would be different this time. He found the Texan hanging out in the break room, reading a magazine and munching on an apple.
"Hey man." he smiled, putting his jacket on and throwing his bag over his shoulder. Nick looked up and swallowed his mouthful of fruit.
"Hey Greg." he said, turning his eyes back to the magazine.
Greg cleared his throat. "So, I'm heading off now."
"OK." Nick said nonchalantly, taking another bite of apple. "See you tonight."
Greg shifted uncomfortably, feeling beads of nervous sweat prickling on his top lip. "If you're not busy, I thought maybe we could go for a beer? It seems like forever since we last hung out. I… " miss you "just thought I'd ask. You know, throw it out there." He forced himself to be quiet before his babble-mode kicked in, like it always did when he was nervous..
Nick stopped chewing and breathed out, his shoulders slumping. "Sorry, G', I can't. I'm wiped, I just want to go home and crash. Another time, yeah?"
"Yeah, sure." Greg nodded. Another time? How many times had he heard that? "I'll catch you later then." he sighed, walking dejectedly out of the break room. "Another time. Yeah, right." he muttered to himself, pulling his jacket tighter around his body.
~~~
By the time Greg got home he realised that he couldn't stand being cooped up in his apartment all day, he needed to get out or he‘d go crazy. Grabbing his keys again, he headed out to find a bar to get a drink and maybe even some company.
He pulled up outside Whitfield's bar, not somewhere he usually went but he wasn't in the mood for loud music and dancing. He wanted to chill out, maybe chat to the barman like depressed people did in movies.
He shut off the engine of his jetta and went inside, blinking a little to adjust to the gloomy interior. The bar was pretty peaceful, with a jukebox playing quietly in the corner and the few patrons speaking in hushed tones. "This'll do." he smiled to himself, sitting down onto a barstool. He was just about to order a beer when he heard a familiar laugh coming from one of the booths in the back. It sounding like Warrick's booming laugh.
Thinking he was out with his wife Tina, he figured he'd go over and say hello. He jumped off the barstool and headed over, seeing the top of Warrick's head over the back of the booth. As he approached, he realised it wasn't Tina in the booth beside Warrick. He immediately recognised the Texan twang drifting across the bar to meet him. Nick was there. Not at home sleeping like he'd claimed. He was out having a beer with Warrick, something he'd said he was too tired to do with Greg.
Part of him wanted to rush over and hurl accusations at Nick, ask him why he'd lied about being exhausted and going home to sleep, but the other part of him just wanted to crawl away silently and go home, hide from the world that seemed to be conspiring against him. That part won easily, and he crept quietly away from the booth so that his friends wouldn't notice him. He climbed back into his car and laid his forehead on the steering wheel.
There must have been a reason why Nick had lied to him. Greg's brain raced to try and come up with plausible answers. Perhaps Warrick was having a marriage crisis and needed Nick's shoulder to cry on? No, they seemed too happy for that. Perhaps they were organising a surprise birthday party for him? No, his birthday was months away. Perhaps Nick just didn't want to hang out with him anymore? Sadly, that was the answer that seemed most likely.
Greg sighed heavily and put his car into reverse gear, pulling quickly out of the parking lot. All he wanted to do now was to get home. By the time he got there, he'd decided that the next time he got Nick alone he was going to ask him what was happening between them. Nick didn't want to hang out with him outside of work, and at work he was nothing more than civil. There had to be some reason for it, and Greg was determined to find out what he'd done to upset him.
***
It was a slow night and Nick hadn't been assigned a case yet, so he passed the time by hanging around the lab watching the staff go about their business. He stretched and yawned loudly, his jaw making a slight popping sound as it opened. He grimaced and reached a hand up to it, massaging the joint. He'd been feeling so old lately. It was as if he'd lost his spark.
He hadn't had much sleep after his drink with Warrick and was dying for a decent cup of coffee to perk him up, so he headed down the labyrinth of corridors to the break room. He was hoping that Greg had brewed a fresh pot before he'd left on whatever case he was working on, as he usually did. The fates had decided to mess with him however, for there was indeed a full pot of coffee simmering gently on the warming plate but Greg was still there, also waiting for a cup of the strong black liquid.
Nick was about to turn and leave again, but Greg had already spotted him.
"Hey stranger." he said, raising one eyebrow as he poured himself his drink. His voice seemed a little too loud in the quiet of the otherwise empty room.
Nick walked towards the sink and grabbed a clean mug. "Do you mind?" he asked, indicating to the coffee.
"Knock yourself out." Greg nodded, hoisting himself up so he was sitting on the counter-top, legs swinging slightly as he watched Nick pour himself a small amount of coffee, blow on it and then drink it in one swallow. Nick grimaced at the burn on his tongue and down his throat, but didn't say anything. He rinsed the mug and left it to dry.
"You in a rush?" Greg asked as he took a small sip of his own coffee, working up the nerve to mention Nick's strange behaviour. "I thought we could hang out. It feels like I haven't talked to you in ages."
"Look Greg, I just don't have time right now, OK?" Nick called over his shoulder as he walked towards the door.
"Seems you never have the time these days." Greg said pointedly. "At least not for me. What's going on, Nick?"
Nick ignored him and walked on, just as Grissom came through the door reading the piece of paper in his hand and not noticing that Nick was trying to exit. They bumped chests awkwardly, and Nick took a quick step backwards to let the supervisor through.
"Ah, good, you're here." Grissom nodded, not sensing the tension in the room. "You guys are with me, there's a double homicide on the strip. We'll meet Brass there."
Nick shot an awkward look towards Greg, his heart sinking. "You want both of us?"
Grissom removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Unless you've got something more important to do Nick." He put the glasses back on and waited. "No? OK then. I'll meet you in the parking lot."
The sarcasm wasn't lost on them. They quickly followed their boss outside, the silence hanging between them like a heavy fog.
Grissom drove to the scene, Nick in the passenger seat and Greg in the back sitting directly behind him. Nick could see a warped reflection of him in the side mirror, his eyes drawn to it until Greg suddenly looked up and caught him watching. He flicked his eyes forward, hoping that the blazing heat in his face wasn't noticeable in the dim light of the SUV.
"So, where's the scene, Grissom?" Greg asked, his voice drifting from the backseat. Grissom looked up at the rear-view mirror, noticing that Nick had flinched at the sound of Greg's voice.
"It's a strip club called ‘Scope', this isn't the first time there's been trouble there, but it‘s the first homicide." Gil answered, still looking at him in the rear-view mirror then finally breaking the gaze to look across to Nick. Nick looked down at his jeans, rubbing at an imaginary stain. The rest of the ride was made in an awkward silence.
After a while they pulled up outside the club and parked next to a patrol unit, it's flashing lights sending sheets of blue and red across the grey asphalt. Brass was waiting for them, his notebook in hand.
Grissom nodded to him as the three men exited the car. "What's happening Jim?"
Brass approached them, checking his notes as he walked. "Two DB's, ID'd as Crystal LeMar and Angel Amour. Both early 30's, both male to female transsexuals. Both worked as strippers in the club. Seems our suspect didn't know it was a transsexual strip club, and took offence once he found out who was giving him his lap dance. The manager threw him out after he caused a scene, but he came back with a gun and took out two of the strippers as they were leaving the club."
Greg shook his head, clicking his tongue against his teeth in disgust. "You're holding the suspect?"
Brass nodded, flipping his notebook closed again and placing it in his pocket. "He was caught fleeing the scene, but he claims to be an innocent bystander."
"Weapon?" Grissom asked.
"A 9 millimetre was found on his person, looks recently fired. There's also six eyewitnesses to interview, some from this club and also from the bar next door. That's the bar manager over there." He indicated to a heavy-set man standing beside the crime tape, his arms folded and face set into a grimace. "All he's concerned with is when he can open his bar again. The wonderful world of Vegas, huh?"
"Greg, you take the bodies, Nick you go with an officer to talk to the witnesses and I'll deal with our suspect." Grissom ordered, before following Brass to where the shooter was being held.
Greg took out his camera and started snapping pictures of the scene as Nick walked over to the manager, who ducked under the tape to meet him.
"When am I going to be able to open up again, have you any idea of the revenue I'm losing right now?" he asked, now gesturing wildly at Nick.
Nick held up his hands to placate the man. "Sir, as soon as the scene is processed and cleared then you can go about your business."
The man continued to walk forward, the puffy cheeks of his round face getting redder.
"Do you know how many times I've had to close up because of something like this? It's been like this ever since those fucking faggots took over the building next door."
Nick nodded and ushered the manager away from the scene. "I understand that Sir, but I need you to calm down and move behind the tape. One of our officers will talk to you shortly."
Greg's mouth dropped open in shock, not quite believing what he'd heard. The man had made an openly homophobic statement and Nick hadn't even reacted to it, let alone called him on it. Instead he had nodded, almost as if he agreed.
He picked up his silver field kit and moved to another part of the scene, eager to put some distance between himself and his friend until his anger had died down. This was not a topic to be discussed in the middle of processing a double homicide. He'd talk to Nick later, away from the prying eyes of onlookers.
He made his way over to the first body, where the coroner was almost finished. He took a deep breath to eliminate any irritation from his voice. Just because he was pissed there was no reason to take it out on anyone else.
"Hey Dave." he nodded, greeting his friend. "What have we got here?"
"Hi Greg." David smiled back. "Look's like the wound's a through and through so you should find a bullet around here somewhere. Looks like a small caliber, probably a 9 millimetre. Liver temp confirms that he…. she … she?"
"She." Greg confirmed.
"She was killed less than 2 hours ago."
"That fits." Greg nodded. "Thanks."
David smiled and straightened up. "She's all yours, I'm just about to start on number two over there."
Greg kneeled down and began taking photos of the first body. He looked up to catch Nick watching him again, the Texan quickly turning his attention back to the crowd of witnesses. Nick's behaviour had been seriously off recently, and the incident in the bar was the last straw. Something was wrong with his friend and he was determined to find out what it was.
~~~
After three hours of processing the scene they finally finished up and headed back to CSI HQ. Hot and uncomfortable, Nick headed straight for the locker room to change his shirt. He slumped onto the bench, pulled his sweaty t-shirt off and threw his head back. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath to try and clear his head, rubbing the palms of his hands against his thighs.
"Hey."
His eyes snapped open and he turned his head to see Greg standing in the doorway, his hands in his pockets and looking agitated. Suddenly Nick was very aware of his half-naked state and he jumped up to grab a clean shirt. He hoped that Greg couldn't see that he was blushing as he pulled the black cotton over his head.
"What can I do for you, Greg?" he asked, throwing his old shirt into the locker and slamming the door shut.
Greg pushed his shoulder off the doorframe and walked into the room. "I want to talk to you about what happened at the scene tonight. Not just that. I want to talk to you, period." His eyes darkened as he closed the space between them. "I want to know why you've been avoiding me."
Nick let out a nervous laugh. "I'm not avoiding you Greg, you're being paranoid." He felt a little bile rise in his throat, and he swallowed down the foul taste.
"I'm many things Nick, but I'm not paranoid." Greg replied, sitting down on the bench before him. "There's something not right here. I don't know what's wrong with you, but you're acting like an asshole."
Nick moved away to create a little more space, his heart beating wildly in his chest. His brain was screaming at him to get away from Greg, who looked angrier than he‘d ever seen him. "I don't have time for this." he gulped, backing away.
Greg jumped up again and grabbed his arm, trapping him in place. "I thought we were friends, man. We've always been there for each other no matter what, but now you're treating me like something you stepped in and I want to know what the hell is going on!"
Nick wrenched his arm out of the tight grip. "Look Greg, I really don't want to be having this conversation with you right now, OK? Just leave me alone."
Greg had had enough of Nick‘s behaviour, and fell into his old habit of running his mouth without engaging his brain. "To hell with that, I'm not leaving this room until you tell my why you're being such an ass. What the hell is your problem?"
Nick could feel his own anger building, like a pressure in his head. "Just because I don't want to spend every second with you doesn't mean I have a problem with you. I just think that I need a little space right now."
"From me! No one else, it's only me you're avoiding. You've been stuck to Warrick like glue lately, why don't you want to hang out just the two of us, like we used to?" Greg's voice had risen to an unnaturally high pitch, and a small spray of saliva came out of his mouth.
"Greg, just leave me alone OK? I don't want to have this conversation with you. You're not…. It's not the same anymore. Things are different now." Nick winced when he heard his own words. He hadn't meant to say that.
Greg misunderstood his last comment and associated it with what he‘d heard Nick say earlier. The rage blazed in his brown eyes as he flew forward and grabbed Nick by both arms, shaking him as he spoke. "Of course! This has all been happening ever since you answered my phone that time. You've been weird with me ever since, I can't believe I didn't put it together before. What exactly did John say to you? Fuck, he told you he was my ex, didn't he?"
When Nick didn‘t answer he shook him harder. "All this is because you found out I was bisexual? Is that it, huh? Is it because I'm a ‘fucking faggot‘? You homophobic shit."
Nick raised his hands and pushed Greg squarely in the chest, sending him flying backwards into the wall of lockers. The air in his lungs whooshed out with a grunt.
"Fuck you, Greg!" Nick seethed at him.
"You wish!" Greg spat back.
Nick's face contorted into a mortified stare, eyes wide and watering, his cheeks turning a fiery red. Within a few seconds he had composed himself, the angry mask back in place.
Greg's own features softened as realisation finally dawned on him. "Oh my God." he said in an almost-whisper. "You do wish, don't you?"
Nick began backing away, his fists clenching at his sides. He didn‘t want to hear Greg say it. "Stop talking." he said through gritted teeth, his jaw clenched almost painfully.
Greg moved forward, closing the space between them once again. For every step back Nick took, Greg took a step forward to match it. "That's what all this has been about, isn't it? Why you've been acting like this?"
Nick brought his hand up to his temple and banged the knuckles against it. "I said just STOP TALKING!"
With that he turned and stormed out of the locker room, almost knocking Sara over in his bid to escape.
"Hello to you too, Nick." Sara mumbled under her breath, her nose wrinkling. "What's his problem?" she asked as she turned back towards Greg, hooking a thumb in the direction Nick had taken.
Greg sighed deeply and collapsed onto the bench, burying his face in his hands. "Me."
***
Nick had managed to avoid Greg for the rest of the shift, throwing himself into the intricacies of the shooting case to try and take his mind off Greg's discovery. He had snapped at Bobby when the ballistics expert had asked if he was OK, and had spent the next half hour apologising to him for his outburst. He knew that Bobby was a good guy and wouldn't hold it against him but that didn't make him feel any better. He hated feeling like this, not being able to control his emotions in front of people.
So he holed himself away in a corner of the lab, trying to hide from prying eyes and wondering if Greg had told anyone. Did everyone in the lab know his darkest secret? Did they know what he hid behind that laid-back Texas drawl? It was like his worst nightmare was coming true and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Looking up, he saw Greg pass by and resisted the urge to grab him, drag him into the room and warn Greg what he would do to him if he found out that he‘d told anyone. But Greg knew that Nick wasn't a violent person and the threat would never be realised. He'd only end up getting himself into more trouble if he tried something like that. No, better to lie low and hope that Greg had the sense to keep it to himself.
Finally the shift was over. Nick checked the locker room before entering, relieved to find it empty. He quickly grabbed his bag and threw his things into it, once again checking the hallway to make sure Greg wasn't hanging about. It was clear, so he made his way to the parking lot. He was home and dry…. or so he thought.
When he went outside he saw that Greg was leaning against his SUV waiting for him. Nick ignored him and opened the driver's door, forgetting that all the locks would open at the same time. As he climbed into the driver's seat, Greg climbed into the passenger's seat.
"Greg, get outta my car, man." he sighed, putting on his seatbelt.
"I don't think so." Greg said quietly, looking down at his hands. "I think we should talk, don't you?"
Nick leaned across and opened the passenger door, desperately trying not to touch the other man as he did so. "No Greg, I really don't. Just let me go home, OK?" He was so tired and didn't think he had the energy to hold himself together for a confrontation.
Greg wasn't having any of that and slammed the door shut again. "Just be honest with me for one second and I promise I'll leave you alone. Just tell me, was I right?"
Nick looked down at the steering wheel, his lower lip quivering slightly He felt as if he was about to throw up and it took all his effort to keep his breathing regular. "G'…. don't. Please." he said, almost inaudibly.
Greg shifted around in the car seat so that he was facing Nick's profile. "Nick, you're my best friend, nothing you can say will make me angry as long as it's the truth. If you're avoiding me because you don't like the fact that I'm bisexual, just tell me and we‘ll deal with it."
Nick stayed silent, his eyes still fixed on the steering wheel. Greg continued speaking. "And if…. And if it's because you're attracted to me, then we can deal with that too. We don't have to let it affect our friendship. But you have to tell me what's going on. I can't live like this anymore Nick."
Finally he was able to say those words that he'd been suppressing since Nick had begun avoiding him. "I miss you."
Nick looked up at him, his dark brown eyes shimmering. "I miss you too, Greg." he confessed. "God, I don't know what to do. I feel like my brain is fried, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm so scared." He rubbed the skin at the tops of his arms where goose bumps had suddenly formed. The bright Vegas morning seemed to turn cold and oppressive as they sat there.
"Scared of what, Nick? You can tell me anything, you know that right?" Greg said soothingly, biting down the urge to rub Nick reassuringly on the shoulder. He wasn't sure how he'd react to it and he was afraid of making an already delicate situation worse.
"I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of being attracted to men. I'm scared of how I feel about….. about you." Nick squeezed his eyes shut, one tear escaping and trickling down his cheek. The admission had been almost physically painful for him, and he shuddered.
"So that's why you've been avoiding me." Greg nodded, saying it more to himself than out loud. He looked across at the older man who was hugging himself, eyes still shut tight like a child who thinks if he can't see the world then the world can't see him.
"I can't have these feelings. I just can't." Nick was muttering to himself.
"Why not?" Greg asked. "There's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone of the same sex. It‘s perfectly natural."
"It's not natural!" Nick snapped, not realising how much he sounded like his Father. "It's not right!." The same words he'd heard over and over again as a young man growing up were now coming from his own mouth, burned into his mind because of his Father's prejudices.
Greg felt his own anger rising, having to sit and listen to his way of life being slammed by his closest friend, but he knew in his heart that Nick wasn't talking about him and his sexuality. It was his fear and his family's attitude to homosexuality that was making him act this way. It only made Greg even more determined to help Nick feel comfortable with himself no matter what it took. This wasn't the moment for him to admit that he was attracted to Nick. There'd be a time for that later.
Blinking back the tears that were threatening to spill from his own eyes, he trusted his instincts and moved forward, lightly settling the palm of one hand on Nick's shoulder. Nothing too intimate or threatening, just enough to let Nick know that he was there.
Nick could feel the heat of Greg's skin through the thin cotton of his T-shirt. It was the first time they'd touched since Nick had answered the phone in Greg's apartment, and he realised that he'd missed the contact. More goose bumps decorated his skin, but for an entirely different reason than before.
He looked across at Greg, wondering what life would be like if he just gave into his temptations and acted on his feelings. The other man's mouth was so close, all he'd have to do would be to lean forward….
"No!" he yelped suddenly, pulling back. He couldn't afford to let himself lose control like that.
Greg snapped his hand away, thinking that's what Nick was disagreeing to. "I'm sorry." he stammered. "I didn't mean…"
"It's not you, Greg." Nick interrupted him. "It's me. I just can't do this. I can't be close to you. I'm sorry. Please understand."
Greg didn't move, just continued to look at Nick, his head tilted to one side as he watched him.
Nick shivered under the intense gaze. He couldn't take it anymore, he just needed Greg to go. "Can you leave now, please." he begged, gripping the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles turning white.
Greg shook his head sadly. "It doesn't have to be like this." he sighed, opening the car door and climbing out. Before he closed the door again, he leaned in through it and took one last look at Nick.
"Life's too short to be unhappy, Nick." he whispered. "You of all people should know that."
***
Greg drove home with his CD player on full blast, trying to drown out the nagging voice in his head that berated him for screwing things up with Nick. He could feel Nick slipping further and further away from him and it was breaking his heart. He was losing his best friend, and it was killing him.
All this time he'd been satisfied to be just friends with Nick, pushing his own feelings down and telling himself that something was better than nothing. And now he'd lost it all anyway, even though he'd kept his secret. Life just wasn't fair.
He wiped away the salty tears that spilled down his cheeks and reached down to change his CD to a Marilyn Manson one. He needed to feel the pounding bass of the music driving through him and Manson was always good for that release.
He took his eyes off the road for a few seconds to open the CD case and put the disc into the CD player. Suddenly he heard a shrill horn beep, and he snapped his head up just in time to see a car swerving to avoid him. He'd drifted into the other lane, and if the driver of the oncoming car hadn't had such quick reactions they'd have collided for sure.
He quickly yanked the steering wheel to the right and corrected his vehicle, pulling into the nearest parking space to catch his breath. His hands were shaking uncontrollably and the blood was pounding in his ears like a stormy ocean smashing against rocks.
That was way too close.
He hadn't noticed that the other car involved had also stopped until the angry driver pounded on his window, making him jump out of his skin. A large, unshaven face loomed before him, red and twisted in rage. His eyes were bloodshot and bulging and the veins popped in his thick neck.
"Hey asshole!" the guy shouted. "Wanna keep your fucking eyes on the road next time, huh?" A spray of spittle misted the glass separating them and Greg shrank in his seat, trying to move away from the raging driver who was now pulling on the door handle trying to get into the car. Greg had never been more grateful for central locking.
"I'm sorry." he called out, fresh tears in his eyes. "I didn't mean for it to happen. It was an accident, I swear."
The guy gave up on the handle and started banging the window with his fist again, hitting it hard enough to make the glass crack. Greg closed his eyes and waited for the window to smash and the hand to reach through and grab him. After a few moments he realised the hand wasn't coming and that the banging had stopped. He opened one eye and saw his window was still in place and that the man's wife was dragging him away, obviously begging him to calm down as he spat out a torrent of expletives. She was slim and pretty, but apparently had a hidden strength as she dragged him roughly back to their own car, looking back at Greg and shaking her head sadly.
Greg breathed out shakily and started his engine again, pulling slowly and carefully out of his impromptu parking space. He kept his eyes on the road the rest of the way home.
~~~
He pulled up to his apartment building, incredibly relieved to get home in one piece. He jumped out of the car, wincing at the damage done to his window. A nasty crack split the glass from the centre to the bottom-right edge. That was going to cost him. He'd have to call in to the garage before work and get it repaired.
He let himself in to the main building and walked towards the mailboxes, turning the key in the lock and finding nothing but bills. He groaned loudly which turned into a yawn and rubbed his eyes. They were tired and sticky from the tears, and all he wanted was a hot shower and his bed.
He shuffled out of the elevator towards his apartment, holding his mail in one hand and fumbling around in his pocket for his keys and opening the door with the other. In his relief to be home he didn't notice the figure waiting in the darkened doorway of the apartment opposite until he'd been pushed through into his own apartment by the weight of the person, his door slamming behind them.
He turned around quickly to see who had pushed him, wishing for the first time that he carried a service weapon.
"John!" he gasped as he realised it was his ex-boyfriend. "Jesus man, you scared the shit out of me!" He shook his head to clear it, only then realising how jumpy the incident in the car had made him. "How did you get in here?" he asked.
John laughed, but there was a distinct lack of humour in it. "Some old dear from upstairs buzzed me in."
"What do you want?" he asked wearily, throwing the envelopes down on the table and shrugging his jacket off. He really was too tired to deal with this right now, so he got straight to the point hoping that John would be quick and leave him alone.
"Just want to talk." John said, moving around the apartment. He picked up a few photos and looked at them, lingering over one taken after Greg passed his proficiency. "So, which one is Nick?" he asked, running a finger over the photo. "I bet it's this guy, he's got his arm around you."
Greg came over and took the photo from him, placing it back on the shelf. He didn't confirm that it was Nick hugging him in the picture, instead he asked, "Why do you care?"
John didn‘t answer but pulled him into an embrace, his chest pressed hard against Greg‘s back. "God, I've missed you, Baby." he breathed into Greg's ear, running fingertips across his flat stomach. "You miss me too, don't you?"
Greg pulled away, sighing heavily. "We've been through this John. It's over. It‘s been over for a long time now. How many times do I have to tell you that?"
"It doesn't have to be over." John pouted, running a hand through his shaggy black hair. "We belong together, Greg. Take me back. I‘ll do anything. I love you."
Suddenly John surged forward and brought their lips together, teeth nipping his skin. He tasted the metallic tang of blood in his mouth as John plundered it with his tongue. Using all the strength he could muster he pushed John away.
"I told you, it's over!" he yelled, bringing his fingers up to his split lip. "Get the hell out of my apartment. I've got enough shit going on, I don't need this on top of it."
John's face darkened, his brown eyes almost black with anger. "This is because of that Nick guy, isn't it?" he spat, moving threateningly towards him. "He is your boyfriend. You got him to lie to me and pretend he wasn‘t, but I know the truth."
Greg was suddenly terrified. He knew that John had always been the jealous type, but he'd never seen his ex look this irate, he looked like he wanted to kill him. He fumbled in his pocket for his cellphone, randomly pressing one of the speed-dial numbers. He prayed that whoever he'd called would answer their phone and hear what was going on and get help for him.
"I'm not with Nick, I swear." he cried, promptly forgetting all the calming techniques he‘d been taught for the job. "Please, John, don‘t be like this."
John was still approaching, his face contorted into a thunderous glare. "Don't lie to me, I'm not an idiot." he roared. "You're fucking him, I know it."
"I'm not, I swear." he whimpered. "We're not even friends anymore, believe me."
But John wasn't interested in explanations. He was lost in his own anger at being rejected. "It should be me." he kept muttering, opening and closing his fist repeatedly. Greg moved backwards until he bumped into the wall behind him. John had him cornered. "It should be me." he said again. "If it's not me, it won't be anyone."
The last thing Greg heard was the meaty crunch of knuckle on bone before the world went black.
***
Nick lay sprawled naked on his bed, unable to sleep after his conversation with Greg. The young CSI's parting words kept echoing in his head. "Life's too short to be unhappy, Nick. You of all people should know that."
He groaned and put his pillow over his head, but it was impossible to mute his own thoughts. He knew deep down that Greg was right, but it just wasn't that easy. He'd been brought up to believe that what he was feeling was wrong and he couldn't change a lifetime of conditioning in one day. As well as Greg's advice in his head, he still had his Father's stern opinions on homosexuality in there too. The voices were battling for dominance like those angels and devils you see in cartoons, expect Nick was no longer sure who was the angel and who was the devil.
His head was still telling him to avoid Greg as much as possible, but his heart was telling him how desperately he missed his friend. He was stuck in this limbo of emotions and he didn't know what he was going to do. He pulled the pillow tighter around his ears.
His cellphone rang suddenly, and he emerged from under the pillow and reached down the side of the bed to where his pants lay discarded on the floor. He groped blindly in the pockets until he found the phone, opened it and brought it up to his face. The luminous green screen shone sickly in the dull bedroom. The display read ‘Greg calling'.
He groaned again and flicked the phone shut without answering. "Greg, don't you ever give up?" he said out loud, tossing the phone across the bed where it bounced and hit the floor, sliding under the chest of drawers. He hid under the pillow again and sighed.
~~~
He hadn't even realised he'd fallen asleep until the combined noises of his cellphone, his house phone and his pager all assaulted his eardrums simultaneously. "What the hell….." he mumbled as he tried to decide which one to answer first. The cellphone was still lying on the floor where he'd thrown it so he went for his landline phone on his bedside cabinet.
"Stokes." he half-yawned, half-spoke into the receiver, scrubbing a hand roughly over his face to try and wake himself up. The luminous digital clock by his bedside told him he'd only been asleep a few hours.
"Nick, it's Catherine." came the familiar voice on the other end. "Why haven't you been answering your pager or your cell? We've been trying to reach you."
"I've been sleeping, Cath." he said rather abruptly, annoyed at being woken up early when he was so tired. "What's the matter, big case?"
"No, Nick, it's not a case." Catherine's voice suddenly wavered, and Nick wondered if she'd been crying. "Something's terrible has happened, Nick. It's Greg." Her voice cracked again as she said his name. "He's in the hospital. He's been beaten up."
Nick jumped up off the bed in shock, his mouth opening and closing in an attempt to speak, but nothing came out.
"It looks bad, Nick." She was crying now. It scared Nick to death, as it wasn‘t like Catherine to be so openly upset. "I think you need to get here." she sniffed.
With that, the phone went dead. Nick replaced the receiver, his hand shaking so hard he could barely get it to stay in its cradle. He dressed quickly in the clothes he'd worn the night before and jumped into his SUV. He pulled a handbrake turn to get out of the estate and sped towards Desert Palms, his heart in his mouth.
His mind was racing, the drive to the hospital seeming to take forever. He hit every red light on the way and he wanted to scream at them to change to green and let him go. Instead he drummed his knuckles hard on the steering wheel as he waited, trying not to think that Greg might already be dead, trying to think of everything but that.
At last he pulled into the hospital parking lot and abandoned his car across two parking spaces, not wanting to waste time in reversing into a space. He ran into the brightly lit reception and slammed both hands down onto the desk.
"Which room is Greg Sanders in?" he asked the receptionist impatiently.
"Are you a relative?" she asked, unfazed by his tone of voice.
"I'm his best friend." he insisted, even though he didn't know if he still deserved that status. "Please, just tell me where he is."
The receptionist made a few taps on her keyboard. "He's in room 417. You go down this corridor and make a right turn….."
But Nick didn't need to hang around to hear her directions. He'd been a patient here himself not that long ago, and he'd interviewed hospitalised victims enough times to know the layout of the place. He raced to the stairwell and flew up the four flights of stairs within minutes. Greg was still alive, at least. He sent up a prayer of thanks.
Catherine and Sara were waiting in the corridor outside the room, and when they saw Nick they got up off the uncomfortable looking plastic bench and went towards him.
"Nick." Catherine greeted him with a tight smile, her eyes still rimmed with red.
"How is he?" he asked them, trying to keep his voice steady.
She placed a hand on his arm and rubbed gently. "He just woke up again, he‘s been drifting in and out since we‘ve been here. He was able to talk to Grissom and Brass though, so there's already an APB out on the guy who did it."
"So he's going to be OK?" Nick asked, the relief evident in his voice. "When you called, I thought….." He left the rest unsaid.
"We all thought, Nick. We've all been here waiting for news, Warrick's only just left." Sara replied, and Nick felt the words sting him. He should have been here with them.
"The Doctor is with him now. They think he's going to be fine." Catherine nodded, but her lips were quivering slightly. She'd always had a mothering instinct towards the team, especially Greg after the explosion, and Nick knew that to see yet another colleague in hospital must be tough on her.
"He was lucky his neighbour saw his door was open and found him." Sara interjected, breaking his thoughts. "She called the ambulance."
Nick was about to reply when the door opened and the Doctor came out to talk to them.
"I'm Doctor Thomas." she said calmly, clutching a metal clipboard to her chest. "Are you Greg's family?"
"We're his friends." Nick said at the same time Catherine said "He works with us."
"I'm Nick Stokes, this is Catherine Willows and Sara Sidle." Nick explained. "We work with Greg at the Crime Lab."
"He has no family in Vegas." Sara clarified. The Doctor nodded and smiled kindly at them.
"He's extremely lucky. He's got a concussion, he's very bruised and swollen and there's a couple of cracked ribs, but he's been very fortunate considering the beating he took." she explained.
"I'd been told that he was really badly injured." Nick said, looking across at Catherine who in turn looked at the Doctor, raising a perfectly plucked eyebrow.
She nodded understandingly. "The blood and the swelling made his injuries look a lot worse than they actually are. All he needs is some rest and a chance to heal and he'll be fine."
Nick slumped onto the bench behind him, pure relief washing over him like cool water. "Thank God." he murmured, rubbing his face with his hands. He hadn't lost Greg. At least not physically. But as long as Greg would be OK, he could work on rebuilding their lost friendship.
He looked back up at Doctor Thomas hopefully. "Can I see him?"
"Only one of you, and only for a few minutes." she permitted. "He's been given some very strong painkilling drugs, so he mightn't be able to respond to you. But talk to him, he'll be glad to know his friends are here."
Catherine and Sara nodded in agreement that Nick should go in, and he opened the door hesitantly, not knowing what to expect. The smell of old blood and antiseptic assaulted his nostrils, and he swallowed down all-to-vivid memories of being a patient here himself.
Greg was laying in the bed with an IV in his right arm and a catheter running down beside the bed. His eyes were swollen almost shut and were a horrible purple-black colour, and he had a nasty matching bruise on the left side of his jaw. Cuts sealed with steri-strips were over his eyebrows and on his cheek and his head was bandaged, a few tufts of bloodied hair sticking out through the gaps.
Nick knew how much blood could come from even a small head wound. No wonder they'd thought he was much more badly injured at first.
Greg stirred and groaned slightly when he heard Nick come in.
"Hey Greggo." he said softly, realising it was the first time he'd used that nickname in a while. "I know you wanted a night off but this is ridiculous."
Greg tried to smile, but it turned into a wince. "Please, no jokes." he mumbled through his swollen jaw. It was obviously difficult for him to speak.
Nick forced a smile and sat down on the chair beside his bed. He wasn‘t sure what else to say, so he got straight to the point. "Who did this to you Greg?"
"It was John. My ex-boyfriend, the one that called." Greg admitted after a moment's hesitation, one tear escaping from the small gap in his swollen eyelid. His voice was weak and muffled.
"Brass is after him now. Some of the guys from dayshift came in to process me for evidence. So now they all know that I date men. I bet this will be around work like wildfire." His eyes flickered shut and he rested his head back on the pillow. "God, I just feel so tired, Nick."
Nick felt his heart rip in two to see Greg like this, as a case to be investigated, his private life laid bare. He blinked back his own tears and leaned forwards, taking Greg's hand gently in his own. Greg let out another soft moan and drifted back into a drug-induced sleep.
"That's it, you get some rest." Nick whispered. "I have to go now, but I'll be right outside." He laid Greg's hand back on the bed and leaned across to kiss him gently on the forehead, his lips finding a small patch of unmarked skin. "I'm so sorry, Greggo. We'll get the bastard, I promise you."
The door opened and Doctor Thomas poked her head through. "I'm afraid time's up." she said sadly. Nick nodded and walked over to her.
"Doctor…." he said, feeling his stomach churning with nerves. "He wasn't… he wasn't sexually assaulted, was he?" His voice came out as nothing more than a hoarse whisper.
"I can't discuss his case with someone who's not family I'm afraid." she replied. But seeing how upset Nick was, she shook her head to indicate ‘no', he hadn‘t been.
Nick hadn't realised he'd been holding his breath until she answered. He let out a huge sigh and leaned all his weight against the doorway, his legs suddenly like jelly.
Catherine and Sara appeared from around the corner, carrying Styrofoam cups of vending machine coffee for them all. They all took a seat on the plastic bench, waiting to see when Greg would wake up again.
After a few hours, when it seemed apparent that Greg would be out cold for the rest of the evening, Nick turned to them and offered to let them leave. "There's no reason for us all to be here." he stated firmly. "You two should head home and get some sleep before shift. I'll stay here with him."
There weren't too many arguments about that and they lifted their bags and jackets wearily. Catherine gave Nick a kiss on the cheek and Sara gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder and they headed for the elevators, leaving Nick alone.
He got up and looked through the half-slanted privacy blinds on the window to Greg's room, where the young CSI was still sleeping soundly. Looking around to make sure there were no Doctors or Nurses about, he quietly opened the door and slipped into the room.
He pulled the chair closer to the bed and watched Greg in silence for a while, thinking about how close he'd come to losing his friend and the time he'd wasted on trying to avoid him for no real reason other than his own fear and stupidity. Never again he vowed.
He reached a hand out and tentatively stroked the bare forearm, just under the dressing for the drip.
"Oh God, Greg. I'm sorry for the way I treated you, I'll make this up to you, I promise." he said out loud, even though Greg couldn't hear his sentiments. "I'm really, really sorry." And for the first time that day he allowed the tears to flow freely, not bothering to wipe them away.
***
Greg turned in the unfamiliar bed, every inch of his body aching like he‘d been hit by a truck. He let out a low moan and shifted himself as best he could until he finally managed to sit up slightly. He looked across at the chair beside the bed where Nick was slumped over, his chin resting on his chest and snoring softly, his hair sticking up on one side where he'd lain against the chair during the night.
Greg reached up and touched his own face gingerly, wincing at the tenderness around his eyes and his jaw. He couldn't imagine what he must look like and was glad he didn't have access to a mirror. He lifted the starched bed sheet and reluctantly checked underneath. His torso was wrapped in stiff bandages and the exposed skin above was mottled with purple and black bruising.
Beside him Nick mumbled something about angels and jerked suddenly, waking himself up with the movement. He rubbed a hand over his face and straightened up.
"God, I'm sorry Greg, I didn't mean to fall asleep." he said, yawning and stretching his arms out.
Greg smiled as best he could. "It's OK. Hey, could I get some water?" he croaked, his mouth as dry as sand.
"Sure!" Nick jumped up and started fussing around. "Sorry, I should have thought." He poured some water from the pitcher into the plastic cup and handed it to Greg, spilling a little over the bed. "Shit, sorry." he mumbled, dabbing at the stain with a paper towel.
Greg took a sip of the lukewarm water and wished he could spit it out again. Hospital water always tasted disgusting, as he remembered only too well from his last stay after the explosion. He forced it down anyway.
Nick was still busying himself doing nothing. "Nick, sit down and chill out." Greg chuckled. A spasm of pain shuddered through him but he tried not to let it show in his face.
Nick shot him an apologetic look and dropped back onto the chair again.
"So…." Greg began, setting the cup on the rollaway table. "I take it you're talking to me again?"
Nick's face flushed and he looked at the floor for a few seconds before answering. "I said this to you last night but you were still asleep." He stopped to clear his throat. "I've been a complete jerk to you, and I'm sorry. I took my own insecurities out on you, and that wasn't fair."
Greg nodded, breathing a rather painful sigh of relief. "Nick, I understand. Believe me, I went through the exact same thing when I found out I was attracted to men. Although I was 14 at the time….. But it‘s normal to go into denial when you first realise."
Nick shook his head. "You don't understand, this isn't a new thing. I've felt this way my whole life, I've just tried to ignore it."
"But why?" Greg asked. "I know that I'm not ‘out' at work… or at least I wasn‘t," he rolled his eyes, "but I can't even begin to imagine not accepting who I am."
Nick shifted the chair so that he was facing Greg and could look him straight in the eye. "I was brought up in a really strict household. I'm talking ‘speak when you're spoken to' and ‘Do as I say if you want to live under my roof'. My Dad is seriously homophobic and I didn't dare to be different. If I‘d told him I was confused about my sexuality I think he would have killed me. I was terrified."
Greg felt his heart fill with sadness for Nick's childhood. He'd been brought up in such a loving, accepting home and sometimes it was hard to imagine that others didn't have such a liberal upbringing. "Nick….." he began, but then didn't know what else to say.
Nick managed a tight smile. "All this time I've been living a lie. I'd gotten so used to it that I'd almost convinced myself that I was straight, but then you made me realise that those feelings were all still there, I'd just buried them deep inside."
"I'm sorry." Greg offered, not knowing what else to say.
Nick continued. "When I found out that you were bisexual I freaked out, because I'd talked myself into believing that being attracted to you was OK because you would never return my feelings and I'd never have to deal with it." He sat back in the chair and laughed a little, shaking his head. "And I've only just realised how ridiculous that sounds."
Their attention was caught by the door opening, then Brass' craggy face poked through the gap. "Ah, you're awake." he said gruffly, coming fully into the room. "Just a few follow-up questions if you're feeling up to it?"
Greg nodded and Brass took out his notebook. Nick stood up quickly and went to give Greg some privacy. "I'll just be outside." he stated.
"Nick… could you stay?" Greg asked shyly, indicating to the chair Nick had just vacated with a nod of his head.
"If you're sure." Nick shrugged. "Is that alright Brass?"
Brass nodded and took a seat at the end of Greg's bed. "So Greg, can you tell me everything you remember about the incident?"
Greg took a shaky breath and closed his eyes, bringing back those horrible memories. He shuddered at the thoughts.
Nick reached across and rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. "Perhaps we should do this another time Jim?"
"No, I'm fine." Greg insisted. "I want to get this over with."
He cleared his throat and began. "I came home at about 10am and John was there, waiting for me. He pushed me into my apartment and was saying all this stuff about wanting to get back together. I can't really remember what he said exactly, but…. He was being quite possessive about me dating other people and then…. And then he kissed me."
Nick couldn't stop himself from squeezing his trembling friend on the shoulder, perhaps a little harder than was comfortable.
"I pushed him away," Greg continued, "and that's when he got really pissed. I knew that it was bad, so I managed to get a hold of my cellphone in my pocket where he couldn't see it and I dialled a number on my speed-dial, I don't know who it was. I just hoped that whoever picked up would get some help"
He was breathing heavily against the restriction of the bandage, talking about the attack was completely exhausting him. He lay back on the pillows and closed his eyes for a few moments to get his strength back, both physical and emotional.
Nick pulled his hand away from Greg's shoulder as if he'd touched fire. Greg had been attacked around the same time as he'd received the phone call from him. He felt the vomit rise in his throat as he realised that there was a good chance that the phone call he'd ignored was Greg's desperate attempt to save his own life.
He mumbled something about needing the bathroom and stumbled blindly out of the room, his head spinning. If he'd only answered his damn phone, Greg mightn't be in such a bad way.
He ran down the corridor until he came to the public bathroom and rushed over to the sink, quickly running the cold tap and splashing his face with water. Looking up, he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. He stared at the pathetic human being in front of him, his anger at himself growing. Letting out a roar of frustration, he smashed his fist into the reflective surface. It cracked under the weight of the punch, drawing blood.
***
Nick pushed the door to the hospital room open with his uninjured hand, taking a deep, steadying breath as he walked through. Greg was lying back on the bed with his eyes closed, the swelling in the lids almost gone, leaving just the bruises which were now edged in yellow. His chest was rising and falling gently under the bright white sheets as he slept.
The room was otherwise empty, Brass seemed to have already left. Nick checked his watch to see how long he'd been hiding in the bathroom. He was surprised to find that he'd been gone almost an hour without even realising it, having spent the time cleaning his grazed knuckles and trying to decide what he should do next about Greg.
After much thought and even more pacing of the tiled bathroom floor, he'd finally decided that it was best to tell Greg the truth about the phone call, he figured there'd been enough lies told already. Nick was usually an honest, decent guy and it wasn't in his nature to lie, especially to a friend. He just hoped that Greg could forgive him, not only for this but also for how he'd acted since he‘d found out that Greg was bisexual. But he wouldn't blame the guy if he couldn't forgive him. He didn't even know if he could forgive himself.
He sat down on the chair next to the bed and reached across to wake the sleeping man. Even that small act made him feel guilty because he knew Greg needed as much rest as he could get.
Greg moaned and turned his head away. "Five more minutes." he mumbled.
"Greg, it's Nick. Wake up, man." He touched him gently on the shoulder again, careful not to cause him any more pain.
Greg opened his eyes and smiled sheepishly when he saw who was waking him. "Hey. I thought you'd gone home. What time is it?" He let out a yawn, grimacing at the tightness still in his jaw.
"It's a little after six." Nick nodded, realising he was still holding Greg‘s shoulder. He removed his hand slowly so as not to draw attention to it. "I thought Brass might still be here."
Greg shook his head and used the palms of his hands to push himself into a sitting position. "He left a few minutes after you did, there wasn't much else I could tell him really. They still haven‘t found John, he‘d cleared out of his house. I guess he knows he went too far and that the cops will be after him."
Nick leaned forward, clasping his hands together nervously. He couldn‘t put this off any longer. "Greg….. There's something I need to tell you."
Greg looked down at him, taking in the pale face and the light sheen of sweat on his skin. He also noticed the skinned knuckles, but thought it best not to ask about those. "OK….." He swallowed down the lump that had suddenly appeared in this throat, wondering why Nick was looking so worried. He'd thought they were getting on OK before Brass came to interview him. He bit his bottom lip and nodded for Nick to continue. "Shoot."
"You called me that morning, when you were being attacked and I didn't pick up, I saw it was you calling and I didn‘t want to talk to you, so I didn‘t answer." the Texan confessed in a rush of words. "God, I feel so guilty. I could have stopped this." He indicated to Greg's injuries with a wave of his hand. "I should've just answered the phone, no matter what was going on between us."
Greg breathed a sigh of relief. For a horrible moment he'd thought that Nick was going to freak out at the mention of Greg's ex-boyfriend and start avoiding him again.
"Nick, you've got nothing to be guilty about." he said reassuringly. "There's no way you could've known what was happening. The phone call was a long-shot anyway, I didn't even know who I was ringing. And even if you had picked up, there was nothing you could have done except call the PD. John would've been long gone by the time they'd arrived, and I‘d still be here in the hospital now."
Nick didn't seem reassured though. He still looked as if he blamed himself for the attack. He was fidgeting in the chair and rubbing his raw knuckles with the palm of his other hand, his jaw set into a tight line. The vein in his neck strained under his skin as he gritted his teeth.
Greg was glad that Nick had left the room before he'd told Brass what else he remembered. That the reason John got so angry was that he'd wrongly assumed that Greg and Nick were dating. If he'd heard that, it might have pushed his guilt to the limit.
"Nick look at me." Greg said firmly. "I don't blame you for this, OK?"
Nick looked up and nodded, but his eyes were still full of remorse.
Greg tried again. "Listen, I could have been phoning Chun Yoi's Restaurant for all I know." he said light-heartedly, trying to make Nick smile and ease the tension in the room. It worked, Nick couldn't suppress the chuckle that bubbled up from inside.
"Yeah Greg, only you would have a Chinese takeaway service in your speed dial." he grinned. Greg knew it was a genuine smile from the way his eyes crinkled up at the corners. It had been a long time since he'd seen Nick smile like that. He only realised then how much he'd missed it.
"You've obviously never tasted their Moo Goo Gai Pan." he quipped. "We'll have to change that."
Nick felt relief at Greg taking the news of the phonecall so well, but it didn't lighten the heavy burden of guilt that weighed on his shoulders. "Yeah, we will, once you get out of here." he replied, his voice cracking slightly.
Greg nodded. "So….." he said, exhaling deeply through pursed lips and extending a hand towards the other man. "Friends again?"
Nick took the offered hand and they shared their ‘buddy‘ handshake. "Yeah of course, G‘. I'm sorry I've been such an ass this past while. Tell me what I can do to make it up to you."
"Forget about it." Greg shook his head. "Lets just go back to the way thing's were before all this, OK? Forget all this ever happened. That‘s all I want."
"OK." Nick agreed. "Back to how things were."
Nick decided there and then that he'd just have to learn to live with his feelings for his friend. Even though he knew that Greg was interested in men, he'd never shown any indication that he was interested in him. He'd been avoiding Greg for nothing. He told himself that he was relieved about that but in truth, his heart was full of disappointment. When he'd heard that Greg had been attacked it had made him realise just how much he cared about the other man. And in those hours waiting at his bedside the night before he'd discovered that it wasn't just a sexual attraction he was feeling for Greg. It went much, much deeper than that. He felt as though he was falling in love.
Greg forced a smile for his friend, who looked lost in thought sitting in the chair staring into space. He knew now for definite that nothing could ever happen between him and Nick. His friend wasn't even able to deal with being attracted to a man, let alone be able start a relationship with one. And that's what Greg would want; a relationship. He was relieved that he hadn't lost his best friend after their misunderstanding, but in his heart all he could feel was an aching sadness that pained him more than his physical injuries. He was in love with Nick and had been for a long time, but now he would have to keep that a secret for the rest of his life. He decided that having Nick as a friend was better than not having him at all, which is what he feared would happen if he admitted his feelings. He resigned himself to a lifetime of wondering - what if?
***
Greg was released from the hospital a few days later and as he wasn't allowed to drive yet due to the painkillers he was taking, Nick collected him and drove him back to his apartment. He even rode the elevator with Greg, one hand holding the overnight bag, the other planted on the small of Greg's back. Greg knew how difficult being in the enclosed space must have been for him, and guessed that the contact was as much to ground himself as it was to hold Greg steady.
They reached his floor and Greg couldn't help himself from taking quick glances over his shoulder as he walked to make sure the corridor was clear, even though he wasn't alone this time.
When they arrived at the apartment they were greeted by yellow crime scene tape still hanging in the doorway. Greg pulled it off with a snort of derision, trying not to think about his day-shift counterparts looking through his belongings. Still, it was better than his friends on graveyard having to do it. This whole disaster was embarrassing enough as it was without having to look his work colleagues in the eye everyday, knowing they'd probably been through his porn collection and seen his rather more questionable clothes hanging at the back of his closet.
Nick dropped Greg's bag onto the floor beside the couch and Greg set his keys on the bookshelf and shuffled over to open the window. The place felt stale and unlived in, even after only a week of being empty.
He couldn't hide the grimace and the little moan of pain as he reached across and Nick was at his side in a second. "Let me do that, G'." he said, reaching a muscular arm across Greg's body to get the window catch. "You go and sit down and I'll get you some painkillers."
Part of Greg wanted to argue and say that he wasn't an invalid and could manage to do it himself, but the other, more sensible part nodded and went over to sit on the couch. "Thanks Nick." he smiled shyly.
"No problems, Boss." Nick pulled the box of pills the hospital had prescribed out of Greg's bag and got him a glass of water from the kitchen. Greg swallowed two of the pills gratefully, hoping that they wouldn't take too long to kick in. He patted the empty seat beside him, and Nick sat down.
"I don't just mean for this." He wiggled the now empty glass. "Thanks for everything you‘ve done ever since….. You know." He pointed at the corner of the room where the wooden floor had been scrubbed so hard by the crime-scene cleanup crew that it had changed colour.
"Yeah. I know." Nick nodded, knowing that Greg still found the whole thing difficult to talk about, no matter how much he tried to hide it.
"I'm just glad I am able to help. I'm so glad we're still friends G'. If we hadn't made up and I knew that you were here alone and I couldn't do anything to help you…" he trailed off, not wanting to think about that. He may have been helping Greg now, but he knew that he had a long way to go before he stopped feeling guilty about not answering his phone that morning. Even though Greg had made it clear that he didn't hold it against him it was still eating him up inside.
Greg‘s voice broke through his thoughts. "It‘s times like this that you need all the friends you‘ve got." he said, rubbing a hand across his ribcage. "I'd give you a hug but I'm still a bit delicate, so will you settle for a handshake?" he joked, trying to be the old light-hearted Greg again.
"How about a compromise?" Nick grinned, throwing an arm around his shoulder and squeezing gently. He decided that it was progress that Nick felt comfortable enough with him to be tactile again, and leaned slightly into the touch. He could smell Nick's aftershave, a subtle musky scent. It took all his willpower not to lean closer and inhale deeply.
The intercom buzzed, breaking the moment and Nick withdrew the arm and got up to answer it.
"Hey, it's Sofia." came the crackly voice. Nick pressed the button to open the main door downstairs, and a couple of minutes later there was a knock at Greg's own door. Nick opened it and Sofia entered, tossing her long blonde hair behind her as she walked.
"Hey Greg, how are you feeling?" she asked, giving him a bright smile.
"Not bad." Greg lied. "I'll be back to work before you know it." He indicated to the chair beside the couch and Sofia took a seat. Nick returned to his spot beside Greg, sitting a little closer than before.
"I'm actually here officially." she said, taking out her notepad and setting it on her knee. "I've come to inform you that John Bradley was arrested this morning. He'd been staying in a motel just off Boulder highway."
Nick could feel Greg's body tensing, and he put a hand on his knee to let him know that he was there for him.
Sofia continued. "Of course, he claims he was nowhere near your apartment on the morning in question, but the CSIs who processed him found bloody shoes in his bag. He'd thrown away the clothes that he'd worn, but not the shoes. We're still waiting on the DNA results but as soon as that's confirmed as a match to you, we'll be able to charge him with your assault."
Greg visibly sagged, his chin dropping to his chest and his body shrinking into itself as he exhaled loudly. Nick quickly put his arm around him again, this time for support as much as comfort. "They got him, G'." he murmured into Greg's ear. "They got him."
Greg could only nod, the relief washing over him. He hadn't told anyone, but he'd been terrified that as long as John was out there, there was a risk he might come back and try to finish the job. But now he was locked up in jail and Greg was finally safe. Nick was right; they'd got him.
Seeing that the young CSI was visibly shaken by the news, Sofia made her excuses and showed herself out, leaving Nick alone with him once again. An age seemed to pass as he held the trembling figure tightly until Greg's breathing returned to normal and the shaking finally subsided.
"You OK?" he whispered, concerned for his friend‘s wellbeing. Greg nodded but refused to look up and meet his eyes. Nick took his chin carefully in one hand and turned the ashen face towards him. Greg's still-bruised eyes were wet and rimmed with red, he'd obviously been trying hard not to cry.
"Don't….." Greg's voice cracked and his cheeks flushed with two pink smudges against the sickly pallor, ashamed at being caught with tears in his eyes. He didn't want Nick to see him like that.
"Shhhhhhh." Nick hushed him. "You don't have to be afraid anymore." He gently pulled Greg close to his chest and wrapped strong arms around him, making sure not to grip him too tightly and hurt him. "Cry if you need to, OK? You've been through so much, no one's going to think anything less of you for being upset."
Greg's cheek was resting on Nick's chest and he could feel the heart beating a strong and steady rhythm. Unlike his own, which was going a mile a minute and felt as if it was about to burst out of his chest.
The sensation of being held so safely and securely was soothing to him and he breathed in shakily, finding that the urge to break down was subsiding. He snuggled closer to the heat and firmness of Nick's torso, hesitantly moving one hand to rest on the other man's thigh.
The combination of the warm comfort and the painkillers he'd taken made him feel drowsy, and he had to fight to keep his eyes open. They felt so heavy and he was so tired. He decided that just closing them for a few seconds wouldn't do any harm.
He didn't realised he'd drifted off to sleep until Nick had effortlessly scooped him up in strong arms and carried him to the bedroom, where he laid him carefully on the mattress and pulled the soft comforter over his still fully-clothed body.
Greg groggily mumbled an apology and something else that Nick couldn't make out, then the eyelids fluttered shut again and a few moments later a soft snore emanated from under the covers.
Nick stood back and watched him for a few minutes, making sure that he didn't wake up again. He crept out of the room and back to the kitchen where he poured a fresh glass of water. He brought it back into the room and left it on Greg's bedside table in case he woke up thirsty.
Then, for the second time that week, he leaned down and kissed Greg gently on the forehead, allowing his lips to linger on the slightly clammy skin for a few seconds. When he pulled away again, he realised that Greg's dark brown eyes were now open, and looking questioningly at him.
***
Nick pulled back abruptly, cursing himself for being so careless. He busied himself in rearranging the comforter around Greg, hoping that Greg would simply go back to sleep without mentioning the kiss. But Nick had never been a particularly lucky person.
"Whatyadoing?" the sleep-thickened voice drifted out from under the covers.
"Shhh, go back to sleep." Nick pleaded. "I'm just fixing your bedding. Your pillows were crooked."
"Oh. Was I dreaming?" Greg asked, his voice full of confusion. "I thought I felt……"
Nick seized on the opportunity to deny all knowledge. "Felt what G'? Are you alright, is there anything I can get you before I head home?"
Greg visibly blushed in the dim light of the bedroom. "Nothing. I was dreaming, forget it. I'm OK, I don't need anything, thanks. I‘m going to go back to sleep now."
Nick felt a huge pang of guilt shudder through him. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't run away from Greg anymore and yet here he was taking off as soon as things got uncomfortable. He didn't like breaking promises, especially those he'd made to himself. He felt disgusted with himself.
He left the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him. He walked back into the small kitchen, noticing a funny smell which after a quick investigation he discovered was coming from the refrigerator. He threw out any spoiled food he found and made a quick list of what was needed to replace it. He couldn't leave Greg without any fresh food or milk in the house, he knew that the CSI would inevitably try and survive on a diet of takeaways, ramen noodles, black coffee and soda. He decided he'd drop by the store and pick up some stuff for him before heading home. It was the least he could do, he figured.
He looked around the living room for Greg's keys so that he could let himself back in to the building. He finally remembered that Greg had set them on the bookshelf when he came in, so he walked over to get them. He found them sitting beside a framed photograph taken after Greg's final proficiency.
He'd never seen the photo before although he remembered it being taken. It was of the whole team together, Greg was standing in the middle of the group and Nick was beside him, one arm leaning heavily across Greg's shoulders and the other hooked around his chest in a bear-hug. Greg's arm was curled around Nick's waist, the hand clutching his hip. They both wore matching grins that dominated their faces, heads tilted towards each other so they were almost touching.
Nick stared at the photograph. Greg just looked so happy, his face flushed and his eyes twinkling with a pure joy that Nick hadn't seen since that day. He was struck with the overwhelming need to see that look again.
He grabbed the keys and jammed them into his pocket, taking one last look at the photograph before he left.
~~~
Greg awoke cocooned in his comforter, and he fought to free himself from its constraints. He reached across and flipped on his bedside lamp, squinting into the light. He'd slept for longer than he expected. The Doctors had warned him that his painkillers might make him drowsy. Drowsy he could handle, this was like the sleep of the dead.
He yawned and padded over to his en-suite bathroom to relieve himself, his bladder feeling like it was about to burst.
He washed his hands at the sink and looked up at his reflection in the mirror. He checked the now-yellow bruising around his eyes and rubbed his fingers over the patch of short bristle where they'd shaved his hair off to stitch the wound in his head.
"I'm ready for my close-up." he chuckled sarcastically at his reflection. He carefully stripped off the clothes he'd slept in and unwound the bandages from around his ribs. He ran the shower until it was at the right temperature and stepped under the spray. He let the water run down his body, rubbing a washcloth carefully over his healing skin.
He'd been told by the Doctor not to get shampoo in his stitches, so he just had to settle for washing his hair with the warm water. Even so, it felt so good to be properly clean again. Washing in the hospital bathroom with a nurse waiting outside just wasn't the same as taking a relaxing shower in the privacy of your own home.
He gingerly stepped out of the shower cubicle, trying hard not to slip on the wet vinyl floor, and grabbed a towel to dry himself off.
He padded back into the bedroom and opened some drawers, pulling out some clean underwear and a T-shirt. He stepped into the boxers and pulled them up slowly, trying not to bend over too much, then he wriggled into the T-shirt.
He froze as he heard a noise coming from his living room. He knew that Nick should be long gone by now. His rational mind tried to tell him that John was safely locked away, but that little voice at the back of his mind was telling him that his attacker was back.
He pulled on the sweatpants that were lying on the floor and looked about the room for something that might serve as a weapon. With a flash of inspiration he went back to the bathroom and unhooked the towel rail, sliding the thin bar of metal out of it's holders.
Gripping it tightly with both hands and resting it on one shoulder like a baseball player stepping up to the plate, he levered the handle with his elbow and pushed against the bedroom door with his other shoulder. It opened with an almost inaudible creak but it was still enough to make him stop and hold his breath for a second.
Gathering all of his courage he slipped through the open door and swung the metal rod through the air with a whoosh, shouting "Get the fuck out of here before I smash your head in!"
There was the sound of glass breaking and Nick appeared from the kitchen, both hands in the air. "Hey, it's only me, man!" he called out. "Just chill, OK?"
Greg breathed out heavily, dropping the bar onto the couch. "Jesus, Nick! I thought you'd gone, you scared the shit outta me, man."
"Oh, crap. I'm sorry, I didn't think." Nick mumbled, rubbing the back of his head self-consciously. "I was just…." He turned and indicated to the kitchen. "I broke a glass, I'm sorry."
"Shouldn't you be at work?" Greg asked, checking his watch.
"Yeah, I called in sick. So if Grissom calls you, you haven't seen me, OK?" Nick grinned. "I wanted to be here in case you needed anything."
"Nick Stokes pulling a sickie? I must have a bad influence on you." Greg laughed as he pushed past him and went to check what was happening in the kitchen, careful not to step on any broken glass with his bare feet. Every available surface was covered in plates and dishes and a pan of bacon and scrambled eggs was frying on the stove. Fresh coffee was bubbling temptingly in the percolator.
"Yeah, I was trying to make you some breakfast." Nick admitted, coming in behind him. "You probably haven't had any decent food in ages. And I figured you weren‘t quite up to Chinese take-out yet, I know the pills can affect your stomach."
Greg inhaled the wonderful smells, his stomach rumbling. "It looks great Nick." he said honestly. "And I am starving. Is it ready?"
Nick nodded. "I started it as soon as I heard you in the shower. Go and make yourself comfortable and I'll get this glass cleared up."
Greg touched him gently on the arm as he passed, trying to ignore the shiver that coursed through him at the contact. Nick was destined to be a friend and nothing more, and no amount of wishing was going to change that. And at least they were friends again, he was thankful for that.
Greg settled on the couch and Nick brought him a tray of food and then sat down on the chair in front of him with a plate of his own. They ate without talking, the silence only broken by the softly muted sounds of the television. Greg looked up every so often and caught Nick's eye. Each time Nick's eyes snapped quickly back at his own food, pink creeping into his cheeks.
"You weren't dreaming, G'." Nick blurted out suddenly.
Greg set his cutlery down on the tray, his brow furrowed in confusion. "I'm sorry?"
Nick set his plate on the floor beside him and clasped his hands together nervously . "Earlier. You thought you'd felt…. I let you believe you were dreaming, but you weren't. I did kiss you."
Greg's eyes widened. "Oh." was all he could say.
***
Time ticked by, the silence between them growing until Greg realised that Nick wasn't going to say anything more about the kiss unless he pressed him.
"So……" he said, tapping his fingertips on his juice glass. "You gonna sit there in silence or are you gonna tell me why?"
Nick picked up his plate from the floor and walked to the kitchen. Greg set his tray aside and followed him.
"Why I kissed you, or why I lied about it?" Nick asked, noisily scraping the leftovers into the trash and rinsing the plate under running water.
"Both, actually." Greg nodded, throwing Nick a clean tea towel. "I just…. I don't know where I am with you. One minute you're avoiding me, the next you're kissing me on the forehead like….." He stopped abruptly.
"Like what, G'?" Nick sat the plate into the drying rack beside the sink and turned to face Greg, rubbing his hands with the towel as he waited for the answer.
"Like there's something between us."
Nick let out a long, slow exhale. "I know there's nothing between us, I just wanted to comfort you, you looked so small and vulnerable lying there." he tried to explain, but by Greg's offended expression he wasn't doing a good job of it.
"That didn't come out right." he sighed, tossing the towel onto the counter and gripping the side of the sink with both hands, his back once again turned to the other man.
He discovered he found it easier to be honest when he didn‘t have to stare into those searching brown eyes. Tentatively, he began to explain, knowing that this would either cement their friendship or obliterate it.
"What I meant to say was, I know that you're not interested in me and I wasn't trying to push something. I just… I wanted to feel close to you, that's all. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I can promise you, whole-heartedly, that it will never happen again. I know that you only see us as friends, no matter what my feelings are, and I respect that."
Greg listened to the confession with disbelief. He strode determinedly across the short space between them and put a hand on Nick's shoulder, spinning him round so they were face to face.
"Woah woah, hold on. Back up a minute." he stammered, still slightly puzzled. "You think I'm not interested in you?"
"Well, you're not, are you." Nick's face had creased in confusion at Greg's reaction. "You've known how I feel about you for ages now and you've never tried to…. You've never done anything about it."
Greg stepped back and let out an sharp laugh, his nervous babble-mode kicking in. "Well, for a start it's only been a week since I actually found out and you weren't even talking to me at the start of it. And then when you finally were talking to me again, you made it pretty clear that you didn't intend to act on your feelings. I was hardly going to jump on you knowing all that, was I? Never mind the fact that I was confined to a hospital bed with the shit beaten out of me." He stood watching for Nick‘s reaction, his arms folded and his mouth set into a thin line.
Nick put a hand up, seeking clarification. "Wait. So… you're saying you are interested in me?"
"Nick, where have you been for the past six years?" Greg groaned, rolling his eyes and throwing his hands up in despair. "Of course I'm interested, I'm more than interested. But…. I don't think you really know what you want. You need to be 100% sure of this, because if you start something with me and then you change your mind….. I‘ve forgiven a lot of you recently, but I won‘t be able to forgive that."
Nick realised that this was one of those defining moments in life. The time when you either have courage and take what you want, or when you let it slip through your fingers and regret it for the rest of your life. He decided he‘d had enough regrets. He had to go for it.
"I do know what I want." Nick pushed away from the sink and moved towards the younger man. "For the first time in my life, I finally know. And I won‘t change my mind."
He closed the final few inches between them and tilted Greg's chin up with the tip of one finger.
"Nick….." Greg breathed more than spoke, his eyes closing instinctively, lips damp and slightly parted.
Nick brushed his own lips over Greg's waiting mouth, barely a ghost of a touch but enough to send shockwaves through his entire body. He jerked back, the sensations unexpected.
He'd never felt such electricity, such an overwhelming connection with another person. He leaned forward and captured those lips again, running a hand across Greg's back and pulling him closer, their bodies pressed together as the kiss went deeper.
Greg opened his mouth a little more, and Nick swept a probing tongue around his lips and then between the white teeth, tasting orange juice and coffee and a sweetness that he couldn't identify on Greg's tongue as it twisted and curled against his own. He felt dizzy, like he was falling, but he didn‘t want that feeling to end.
He curled both arms around the slender body and held him even tighter as they kissed, rubbing his hands over the smooth rounded globes beneath the grey sweatpants and up towards the small of Greg's back. He was surprised at his own forcefulness. He'd swung from one extreme to the other, going from trying to avoid touching Greg to not being able get enough of him, the craving too strong to ignore.
Greg suddenly whimpered and pulled away, leaving Nick panting for breath.
"Sorry, was I moving too fast?" he worried. He didn't want to appear too needy.
Greg shook his head, also trying to catch his breath. "Ribs." He rubbed a hand over the injured area. "Might have to go easy on me for a while. "
"Shit!" Nick's face paled. "Did I hurt you, are you OK?" He put one hand behind Greg's head and searched his face for signs of pain.
"I'm fine, honestly." Greg nodded, clasping his own hand over Nick's. "But I could do with my meds. Could you…… umm…. water?" he pointed to the tap, still rather flustered by the intense kiss.
He pulled away and opened the cupboard to get his painkillers. Nick picked up a clean glass and ran the cold water tap, noticing that his hands were trembling. He tried to get them under control before handing the glass to Greg.
"Thanks." Greg grinned predatorily as he took the glass from him and swallowed the pills. "So, I figure we've got a while before these things make me fall asleep again. Where were we?"
He grabbed Nick by the front of his T-shirt and pulled him close again, bringing their lips together once more. He'd always imagined that Nick would be a good kisser but the truth wildly exceeded all of his expectations. He felt as if he could get lost in the wet heat of Nick's mouth forever, the outside world be dammed.
They stumbled out of the kitchen, their lips never breaking contact, and made their way awkwardly to the couch. Reluctantly, Nick pulled away and cleared their path, setting Greg's abandoned tray on the floor and then dropping onto the soft cushions, pulling Greg carefully down on top of him.
"You OK?" he whispered, caressing the side of Greg's face tenderly. Greg nodded, his cheeks flushed pink and forehead dampened from the heat that had suddenly built in the apartment.
"You?" Greg asked nervously, worried that Nick might snap out of whatever trance he was in and realise just who he was kissing.
"Never better." Nick reassured him, pulling him in for yet another searing kiss.
They stayed that way for what seemed like forever, just kissing and touching eachother as if they needed constant reassurance that it was actually happening.
Finally the painkillers began to take effect and Greg felt his eyelids grow heavy. He sighed and he pulled away, nestling his head into the crook of Nick's neck.
"You tired, baby?" Nick asked, nuzzling at him.
"Mmmmmmmm." Greg moaned, shifting his body to get comfortable. "M'sorry. It's the damn pills."
Nick curled his arm around the warm body, holding him safely. "Get some sleep then. I'm not going anywhere."
"Sorry that all we could do was kiss." Greg mumbled drowsily.
Nick let out a soft chuckle. "Making out on the couch? It was like being a teenager again, G'."
Greg grinned lazily, his eyes already closed. "I would have rocked your world." he yawned. A few seconds later there was a faint snore, signalling Greg's submission to the lure of sleep.
Nick twisted his head and kissed Greg gently on the lips, no fear of being caught this time. "You already did." he said as he smiled to himself, his own eyes growing heavy.
***
Nick was being chased by a swarm of wasps, their drone almost deafening as they chased him. No matter which way he ran, they were behind him. He tripped and fell to the ground, the angry buzzing growing louder and more insistent. He braced himself for the painful sting.
He jerked awake and realised it was Greg's intercom buzzing in his ear. They had shifted as they slept, Nick was now lying flat on the couch and Greg was on top of him, dampening his T-shirt with a small patch of drool.
He reached a hand up and shook the sleeping man. "Greg, your buzzer."
"Hmmmm?" Greg's head popped up, one side of his face creased from the fabric of Nick's T-shirt. He looked around blearily.
"Someone's at the door." Nick explained, trying to shift the heavy body from on top of him.
Greg groaned and stumbled over to the intercom. "Y'ello." he mumbled into the speaker system.
"Greg, Brass and I would like to have a word, if you're up to it." Grissom's voice announced. Greg absentmindedly pressed the button to open the main door and shuffled back to Nick.
Nick's eyes snapped open as his still half-asleep brain processed what was happening. He jumped up off the couch and scrambled around for his jacket and sneakers. "Jeez Greg, Grissom thinks I'm home sick, I gotta get out of here before they come in."
Greg rubbed a hand across his sleep-sticky eyes and yawned. "Do you really think Grissom believed you? Besides, they‘ll have seen your car."
Nick stopped in the middle of pulling his sneaker on, balancing precariously on one leg. "Dammit, you're right." he admitted, regaining his footing. There was a knock at the door and Greg coughed to clear his throat and then went to answer it.
Nick sat down on the couch in defeat. Grissom and Brass greeted Greg and stepped into the apartment. Grissom nodded at Nick, not seeming at all surprised to see the Texan there. Greg shot him a smug ‘told you' look and indicated for his supervisor and the Captain to sit down. Brass sat beside Nick, who self-consciously rubbed at the damp spot on his T-shirt, while Grissom chose the brown leather chair. Greg remained standing, his hands clasped protectively around himself.
Nick could see that Greg was trembling and it killed him that he couldn't get up and wrap his own arms around him to comfort him. He drummed his fingertips against his kneecaps, waiting to see what Grissom and Brass wanted. Something told him it wasn't a social call.
Grissom finally broke the awkward silence. "Greg, we got the DNA results back from the blood on John Bradley's shoes. It's been confirmed as a match to you."
Greg exhaled shakily and nodded.
Brass spoke next. "We also managed to find your upstairs neighbour who let him into the building. When confronted with the evidence, the suspect confessed to a lesser charge of assault. He's been remanded in custody until sentencing."
"I won't have to testify?" Greg asked, trembling so hard that he was almost vibrating. Nick couldn't bear watching him getting so upset and having to sit by and do nothing.
"No Greg. You won't." Grissom confirmed.
"He'll probably get at least 6 months." Brass added. Greg began shaking even harder.
Nick couldn't stand it anymore. He leapt off the couch and took Greg gently by the arm, leading him to the spot he'd just vacated. Greg made the few steps on rubbery legs, grateful that Nick was there with him for that much needed support. Nick sat on the arm of the couch beside him, rubbing his thumb against the back of Greg's neck, just under the hairline.
Brass couldn't see the movement from his angle, but Grissom looked across and raised an eyebrow at him. Nick maintained eye contact throughout, telling himself that there was nothing to be ashamed of. It was just a friendly, comforting gesture. Grissom didn't know that there was anything more too it. He couldn't.
They made small talk for a while, discussing Greg's injuries and medication and his time in hospital, and some of the cases that Greg had missed since he'd been off work. Greg could feel Nick's soothing touch throughout and it gave him a strength that he knew he wouldn't have had otherwise.
Finally Grissom stood up and Brass quickly followed suit. "Well, we should let you get some rest, Greg." Gil nodded. "Will I see you at work tonight Nick?" he asked pointedly.
"Of course." Nick said, swallowing down his embarrassment at being caught out.
He showed the two men to the door and rushed back to the couch where Greg was swallowing down his pills with a bottle of water. He hadn't wanted to take them in front of Grissom and Brass. He set the bottle down and dropped his head in his hands, sighing heavily.
"You OK?" Nick asked, rubbing his hand up and down Greg's back.
Greg nodded and straightened himself up, surprised to find that he really was OK. It was like a great burden had been lifted from his shoulders. "Yeah." He turned his body towards Nick and leaned into him. "I really am. He's locked away for what he did, he can't get to me anymore. But I'm really glad you were here."
Nick brushed his lips over Greg's, moving his hips so their bodies were pressed together. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be." he murmured into the other man's ear. "I've denied myself this for too long, and I don't want to miss a moment of it."
"So… we're actually together now?" Greg asked, blushing, but with a twinkle in his beautiful brown eyes. "No regrets about what happened earlier?"
Nick leaned in for another kiss as his answer.
"My drool problem didn't put you off?" Greg asked, rubbing at the now-drying patch on Nick's T-shirt as they broke apart.
Nick put an arm around his neck and pulled him on top of him again, careful of the damaged ribs. "Well, it is kinda gross….."
Greg playfully swatted him on the head.
"….But I could learn to live with it!" he laughed, just glad to see Greg happy again. He captured Greg's mouth once more, and Greg responded enthusiastically. It was as if the news of John's guilty plea had given him a whole new lease of life.
They kissed hungrily, eager to lose themselves in each other as they had done earlier. Greg moved his lips across Nick's chin and down his throat, suckling on the taut skin and swirling a hot, wet tongue around the slight hollow of his collarbone.
Nick moaned and arched back, feeling the sensations shoot straight to his cock which was hardening against his leg in the confines of his jeans. As if he'd sensed it, Greg reached a hand down and gently caressed the heated flesh through the denim.
Nick gasped and shivered. He didn't know why the sensation should feel so different from when one of his many girlfriends had touched him there, but it was an unique and extremely erotic experience. Another guy was touching him intimately, something he wouldn't even let himself fantasise about before but now was actually happening.
A moment of panic bubbled in his stomach, a fear of losing control. His Father's voice once again echoed in his head, telling him that what he was doing was filthy and sinful, berating him for being aroused by another man.
Unaware of Nick's thoughts, Greg continued to touch him, running hot fingertips under the cotton of his T-shirt and across the tight abs rippling beneath, his tongue still working at the sensitive spots on Nick's neck.
Nick inhaled sharply and tried to twist away from the caress. "Greg, stop…. Too much." he managed to gasp.
Greg stopped immediately and rolled off the warm body beneath him, not wanting to push Nick into something he wasn't ready for. They lay side by side without speaking, the only sound was the breathless panting coming from both of them as they tried to cool off.
Finally Greg broke the silence. "I'm sorry." he said in a small voice.
Nick untangled himself from Greg's limbs and sat up. "It's not you, Greg. It's just…. I've hidden from this for so long, it's hard just to suddenly give up that control. I want to be with you but….."
"But there's still that voice in your head telling you it's wrong, isn't there?" Greg said perceptively, reaching a hand out to rub Nick reassuringly across the tense muscles in his back.
"Why can't I just let it go, Greg?" Nick twisted around so he could look the other man in the eye. "Why do I have to feel this way?"
He touched Greg tenderly on the cheek, and Greg smiled sadly up at him. "You've lived a lifetime of trying desperately to fit in. It's ingrained in you. You've got to decide what's more important. You can either face your feelings and work past this, or you can let it rule your life. And only you can make that choice, Nick."
Nick lay back down beside him again, their faces only inches away from each other. "I want to choose you." he sighed, running a finger up and down Greg's arm. "I want to be happy. I just don‘t know if I know how to be."
"I could make you happy." Greg whispered, taking Nick‘s chin in his hand. "If you'll let me."
Nick closed his eyes, lost deep in thought. Greg could feel him slipping away, knowing that he was listening to his Father's voice again. He rubbed the pad of his thumb across Nick's bottom lip, trying to get him to focus.
"Nick." he said sharply. Nick's eyes flicked open and he blushed, embarrassed.
"Sorry. I was just thinking." He moved away from Greg's touch and stood up, walking towards the window. "Listen, Greg. Before this goes any deeper, there's something I need to say."
"I'm not going to like this, am I?" Greg sighed, waiting for Nick to tell him that he couldn't be with him, that this had all been a mistake.
Nick turned to face him. "When I was in… that box, I prayed for my life. I begged and I pleaded to be found. I bargained with God for it. I promised that if I got out alive I'd do everything in my power to be a better man." Nick spoke quietly and steadily, concentrating on each word.
"You are a good man." Greg offered, but Nick held a hand up to quiet him.
"When I was found, one of the first things my Father said to me in the hospital was ‘Pancho, maybe now it's time to think about settling down with a nice girl and getting married, have some kids'. Not ‘I'm glad you're OK' or ‘I love you'. He just wanted me to breed and carry on the Stokes name."
His jaw twitched, and Greg knew that he was still angry about it.
"And part of me thought I should, because that would be… I don't know… easier somehow? I'd convinced myself that I couldn't be a better man and be a gay man too. But now I realise that I can't be a better man if I'm lying to myself and everyone around me."
He moved back to the couch and got down on his knees, eyes now level with Greg's, who had moved to a curled up position in the corner of the seat.
"But I think you can help me to be a better man." he said, taking Greg's hand and kissing it. "I can't promise that this is going to be easy, but God, I want to be with you so much. I've never met anyone who makes me feel the way you do, Greg."
"So what are you saying?" Greg asked, still not quite sure what was happening.
"I'm saying……" he paused and brought his hand up to cup the back of Greg's head and pulled him in for a soft kiss. "I'm saying that I'm ready to be honest with myself." He took a deep breath, preparing to finally say the two words that he'd hidden from his entire life. "Greg…….I'm gay."
Greg grinned and leaned in to kiss him again. "I had hoped so."
***
Nick was still kneeling in front of Greg, their kiss growing hotter and more intimate with every passing moment. Greg grabbed Nick by the front of his T-shirt, balling the dark red fabric up in both fists and tugged the clothing upwards. Nick lifted his arms and the T-shirt slipped easily over his head.
Greg touched the exposed flesh before him, running exploring fingertips across the tanned muscles of his back as they continued the kiss. Nick groaned at the sensation of Greg's hands on his naked skin, feeling goose-bumps prickle in the wake of the touch.
Greg's tongue darted out and lapped at Nick's bottom lip before moving downwards to suckle on the sensitive spot above his collarbone, remembering how it had driven Nick crazy earlier. It had the same effect this time. Nick let out a low, guttural moan and threw his head back, exposing even more skin for Greg to explore.
"See?" Greg murmured against the pulse in this throat, inhaling the heady scent. "Not filthy. Not unnatural. Beautiful."
He put both hands under Nick's arms and encouraged him to stand. Nick got up on shaky legs, his waist now level with Greg's face.
Greg licked a wet stripe across the rippling abs, his fingers hooked into the waistband of Nick's blue jeans which were straining to contain the now-throbbing erection, the long thick shaft clearly outlined against the denim. Nuzzling into the soft patch of dark hair under Nick's navel, he moved the nimble fingers to the button fly and methodically worked each one open.
Nick gasped and put one hand on Greg's shoulder to steady himself, careful not to lean too much weight onto him. He could feel beads of sweat trickling down his naked back, some from the heat that was building in the small room and some from the nervous excitement that was making his heart flutter.
Greg looked up at him with questioning eyes, the dark liquid chocolate pools shimmering with unashamed lust. Nick gave a quick nod for him to continue.
"Beautiful." he murmured again as he slowly peeled the denim away from Nick's hips, never breaking eye contact.
Nick blushed a deep red as his erection escaped from the denim confines, covered only by the thin white cotton of his boxer-briefs. He couldn't hide how much Greg turned him on.
"You're sure?" Greg asked again in a whisper, not wanting to push Nick into something he wasn‘t ready for.
Nick gasped and nodded, desperate to feel Greg touch him. "Sure." he panted. "Really, really sure."
The corner of Greg's mouth twitched into a half-smile, and he pulled down the white fabric, exposing Nick completely. He shivered as the air hit him, his grip on Greg's shoulder tightening a little. His other hand flew instinctively to his chest, running the palm across his firm pecs. His nipples puckered and hardened at the touch.
"God, Nick. You are so fucking hot." Greg breathed before closing the space between them and taking the base of Nick's cock in his hand and sweeping his tongue over the ridge on the underside of the swollen head. A silvery trail of saliva and pre-cum connected them as Greg pulled away again and blew a puff of cool air onto the damp skin.
He moved both hands to cup Nick's muscular ass, the round globes burning under his fingers. He took the head of the cock in his mouth again and began a slow sucking motion, taking about half of the length with each swallow and then pulling away to the very tip, scraping his bottom teeth bluntly against the bulging vein.
Nick was panting with breathy little moans. He'd had numerous blow-jobs from girlfriends and one-night-stands, but he'd never had someone take so much pleasure from sucking him. Most women tried to get it over with as quickly as possible, but Greg seemed to want to drag his enjoyment out for as long as he could. The other man looked as if sucking Nick was pure bliss to him.
"Greg… fuck." he gasped as the talented tongue probed the salty slit. No one had ever done that before. It felt amazing. Greg just hummed in response, the vibrations travelling up the thick shaft and into his body.
Nick lost track of all time as Greg worked, his head thrown back and eyes shut tightly, trying to maintain control of his own body. The knot of arousal was building in his stomach and he knew he wasn't going to last much longer. He wanted release, but he didn't want to lose Greg's mouth on him.
"Greg please… I'm close." he whimpered, hating how needy he sounded. He expected Greg to pull away and finish the job by hand, but the young CSI continued to suck, speeding up as he felt Nick's buttocks tensing.
Nick growled, a low feral sound that seemed to rumble from his very core, and dug his nails into Greg's shoulder as the sensations overwhelmed him. White heat burned in his spine and flooded his balls and before he could pull himself from Greg's mouth, he began to spill forcefully.
Greg took every drop of the smoky, salty essence, swallowing it greedily. He suckled at the now softening cock, making sure Nick was completely clean before pulling the boxers and jeans up again and carefully closing each button with trembling hands.
Nick's legs gave way, and he collapsed onto the couch. Gasping for breath, he pulled Greg close and kissed him fiercely, tasting his own cum on Greg‘s tongue.
"Oh man." he laughed, not knowing what else to say. He'd just had the best blow-job of his entire life, and it was given to him by a man. But not just any man, his best friend.
"Good?" Greg asked nervously.
"Jesus, Greg. Better than anything." he answered completely truthfully.
"Can I do anything for you?" he asked, wanting to give his lover as much pleasure as he‘d experienced, even if he wasn‘t quite sure what to do. Greg shook his head and kissed him again, his cheeks blushing slightly.
"Nah, it's OK. It's the medication I'm on. It's like the chemical equivalent of a cold shower." he explained. "Don't worry, I enjoyed myself immensely."
They shifted until they were lying flat on the couch, Greg beside Nick with one leg thrown across Nick's thigh and one arm holding on to his chest, fingertips playing with the dark pink nubs, pulling and teasing at them.
Nick reached a hand out and caressed Greg's cheek tenderly, running his fingertips along the jaw line. "Your jaw OK?" he asked, concerned for Greg's injury.
"Fine." Greg smiled softly. "OK, it's a little stiff, but it's not sore."
Nick peppered the spot with small wet kisses. "Better?"
"Much." Greg smiled, stifling a yawn. "What time is it?"
Nick freed his arm from under Greg's warm body and checked his watch. "Shit." he groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "It's after eight. I gotta go home and get ready for work."
Greg nodded, his eyes growing heavy again. "I'd better get some sleep anyway." He couldn't suppress the next huge yawn that overcame him. "Will you come over again tomorrow?"
"Try and stop me." he grinned, untangling himself from Greg's limbs. Greg nodded drowsily, a lazy smile spread across his face.
Nick pulled his T-shirt back on and grabbed his jacket. He went to the bedroom and found a blanket, spreading it over Greg to keep him warm. The gentle, regular breathing and faint snore told him that the young CSI was already asleep. He smiled and leaned in to kiss him one last time before leaving.
"Mmmmm." Greg moaned, turning around and pulling the blanket tighter around himself. "Love you, Nick."
Nick froze, waiting to see if Greg was asleep or awake. The same gentle, regular breathing was making the blanket rise and fall. Greg was obviously talking in his sleep, but that didn't have to mean that he wasn't telling the truth.
Nick kneeled down beside him and brushed the hair away from his forehead. "Do you?" he whispered, his heart beating wildly.
***
For the first time since he'd been rescued from the living hell of the box underground, maybe even for the first time in his life period, Nick felt truly alive. Being with Greg had changed everything, because now he knew that he was being the person he was always meant to be, always needed to be. He was finally beginning to accept who he truly was.
He whistled a tune as he worked the crime scene he and Warrick had been assigned to, leading to him getting a few odd looks from his friend. He just smiled in response, saying nothing. Sara and Catherine also caught him grinning at nothing while drinking a cup of coffee in the break room. The coffee had reminded him of Greg, which in turn reminded him of the evening before.
Sara poked her head in and asked in an amused voice "What is with you tonight?"
"Trade secret." he laughed, tapping the side of his nose with an air of mystery.
Catherine threw him one of her understanding smiles. "There's only one reason why a guy ever looks that happy." she teased.
Sara wrinkled her nose and groaned. "Urgh, TMI." she said, rolling her eyes before they left him to it and carried on down the corridor.
~~~
The shift finally ended and Nick raced home to shower and change before heading back to Greg's apartment. He couldn't wait to see the young man again, hoping that he could try and discern whether Greg meant what he had said the night before while he was sleeping.
The words kept running through his head and he decided that he liked the way they sounded. But he wanted to hear them when Greg was aware that he was saying it. Otherwise it didn't count.
He pulled into the apartment complex car park and jumped out of his SUV, jogging to the main door and still whistling the tune that had been stuck in his head since the night before. He buzzed the tune into the intercom and waited for Greg to answer.
"That you, Nick?" Greg's voice crackled through the silver box.
"Unless you've got someone else coming over that I don't know about." Nick joked and pushed the door open as the latch released.
Without thinking, he stepped into the elevator and was almost at Greg's floor before he realised where he was. He expected the usual sickening panic to overcome him, but the doors opened with a soft ping and he stepped out into the hallway without the feeling ever developing.
He slapped a hand against the now closed doors of the elevator and laughed heartily, shaking his head in disbelief.
Greg was waiting in the hallway for him, his expression a mix of surprise and delight. "You came up in the elevator on your own." he stammered, pulling Nick in through the door and slamming it behind them. "That's such amazing progress, Nick."
"I was thinking about seeing you, and I'd stepped into it before I'd even realised." he admitted with a smile.
They came together in a crushing kiss, Nick running his hands all over every part of Greg he could reach. He felt Greg's cock stiffen against his thigh and stepped back in surprise.
"I thought…" he gasped. "You said you couldn't…."
Greg pulled him close and ground the very prominent erection against his hip. "I didn't take any pills." he murmured in his ear as he nuzzled into his neck. "I'm good to go."
"Can you do that?" Nick managed to gasp between moans. "Are your ribs OK?"
"They'll be fine, don't worry." Greg began walking backwards to the bedroom, pulling Nick along with him. "But I'm about to explode. I‘ve been thinking about you all night, waiting for you."
Nick swallowed hard and let himself be led to the bed. Greg continued talking, punctuating each sentence with a slippery kiss. "I can't get the way you looked as you came out of my head. You looked so fucking beautiful. I want to see you look that way again, I want to hear you moan my name. I need you, Nick."
"I need you too, Greg." Nick murmured, pulling at Greg's clothes. "I couldn't stop thinking about you either. The guys at work thought I was nuts and I couldn‘t tell them why I was so happy."
Greg stood and let Nick undress him, shivering in anticipation. It had been a long time since he'd slept with anyone and he was desperate to feel Nick inside him.
He reached out and unbuttoned Nick's jeans, pulling them and the boxers down in one fluid motion. Nick stepped out of them and kicked them aside. Greg did the same with his own jeans, leaving them both naked in the dim light of the bedroom. The blackout blinds were still drawn, the only light illuminating the room coming from the small bathroom window.
Nick ran his fingertips across Greg's chest, wincing at the faint shape of a shoe-print painted in a yellowing bruise on the right side of his ribcage. He knew that the damaged ribs lay below, and could almost hear the sickening crunch as John stamped on them. His hands trembled, and Greg took them in his own, holding them tightly.
"I'm OK, Nick." he whispered.
Nick nodded and leaned down to press a soft kiss against the injured area. "If Grissom would just give me five minutes alone with that guy, I swear…." he choked.
"Then you'd be no better than him." Greg sighed, shivering at the kiss. He pulled Nick back to standing. "And that's not you. Come on, lets forget about him and concentrate on us."
He pushed Nick onto the bed and straddled him, ignoring the twinge of protest from his ribs. He planted soft, wet kisses over the smooth tanned chest and worked at the hardening nipples with his tongue, alternating the heat of his mouth with cool puffs of air. The pebbly skin darkened with the action.
Nick ran his hands up and down Greg's back, taking in the different textures of his skin, from the smooth small of his back to the rough, irregular patterns of the scarring. He'd seen the scars before, when Greg had changed in front of him in the locker room, but this was the first time he'd touched them.
"You don't have to." Greg said quietly while pulling his hands away, obviously still uncomfortable with the burns even after three years. Nick sat up and replaced the hands, and carefully ran his thumbs in small circles over the scars.
"We've all got scars Greg." he said softly. "They're a part of you. And that means they're beautiful."
Greg's face broke into a grateful smile, the dark brown eyes sparkling with emotion. "Thank you." he said, his voice breaking slightly.
They leaned in to kiss again, Greg sweeping his tongue against Nick's white teeth, tasting mint and coffee.
Nick grabbed him and twisted them around until Greg was now underneath him. Their cocks slid together as they moved, eliciting a deep moan from both of them.
"Fuck, Nick…." Greg gasped. "I need you so much. Need to feel you. Wanted this for so long."
He reached behind him and groped blindly in the drawer in his bedside table, emerging with a box of condoms and a small bottle of lube.
"Are you sure you can handle this?" Nick asked, worried about crushing Greg's ribs, and more than a little scared of going this far so quickly.
"As long as you don't lean all your weight on me, I'll be fine." Greg nodded. "But if you don't feel ready, we can just kiss. That's cool with me. We can take this at your pace, OK?"
Nick looked deep into Greg's soulful eyes and realised just how much he wanted this. He took the bottle of lube from between Greg's fingers and popped the cap open.
"I'll talk you through it." Greg whispered, his breath hitching. "Pour some on your fingers, and then rub one finger against me."
Nick followed Greg's instructions and soon was circling the entrance with one finger. Greg took a deep breath and nodded, and Nick gently pushed the finger past the tight ring of muscle and inside to the knuckle.
"Is that OK?" he asked, watching his digit disappear inside the other man as he pressed against the resistance.
"Feels fantastic." Greg panted, hardly daring to believe that this was really happening. "More. Please." His already engorged cock grew thicker and harder as Nick worked at him, clear drops of pre-cum leaking from the tip.
Nick drizzled more lube over his hand and added another finger, twisting and scissoring them as Greg had told him. His fingertips brushed against something hard and Greg jolted with a sharp intake of breath, his eyes widening.
Nick stilled, afraid that he'd hurt Greg. "Sorry." he whispered.
"No…. no…. good. More." Greg babbled, so Nick moved his fingers in the same direction as he had a moment before, eliciting the same response. They stayed like that for a while, Nick moving his fingers inside the tight channel, feeling it becoming warm and pliable under his touch. He'd been worried that it would feel gross or weird, but it felt amazing. Watching his fingers disappear inside the other man was mind-blowing.
"Ready." Greg moaned, and Nick wondered how he could make one banal word sound so fucking erotic. He slid his fingers out carefully.
He gripped the end of his painfully hard cock to stop himself losing control as Greg tore open the foil wrapper and squeezed the air out of the tip of the condom. He placed it on the swollen head and carefully rolled it until his hand touched Nick's at the base, before coating it in a generous layer of slippery lubricant.
He kissed Nick once more, all teeth and tongue, before lying back and opening his legs again to allow him better access.
Nick positioned himself against the cleft in Greg's buttocks and manoeuvred the large blunt head until it was nestled in the dark pink entrance. Greg took a deep breath and pushed out at the same time Nick pushed in, and he found himself being sucked into the tight, silky channel. If watching his fingers disappear was hot, watching his cock disappear was almost enough to drive him crazy.
Greg grimaced with the pleasure/pain of the moment before relaxing into the sensation. It had been a long time since he'd last been filled and it took some getting used to again, especially with someone as well endowed as Nick. The guy was bigger than anyone he'd ever been with, not just long but temptingly thick.
Nick made sure all his weight was resting on his elbows and not Greg's chest before he started to move, slowly at first, experimenting with shallow thrusts and then deeper ones. He'd never felt anything like this before, Greg was tighter than even his own fist and hotter than he could have imagined. It felt nothing like being inside a woman.
Greg was moaning his name and other words that he couldn't make out, squirming and moving his hips to counter Nick's thrusts. His usually creamy skin was flushed a deep pink and was damp and sticky with sweat. Nick realised his own was the same, perspiration dripping down his skin in small rivulets.
Greg's cock was bouncing against his stomach with every movement, and Nick carefully leaned all of his weight on one elbow and brought his free hand between them, taking a firm hold of the head which was still leaking copious amounts of sticky pre-cum. He pumped his fist up and down the shaft as if he was jerking himself off.
Greg cried out with the overwhelming sensation of both his cock and his prostate being stimulated at the same time, straining his neck back and gripping the sheets tightly with both hands, mewling whimpers coming from the back of this throat. It felt like a life-time since he'd last had an orgasm, and he felt as if he was going to either explode or combust. Either way, it was going to be messy.
Nick continued to thrust and pump his fist, recognising the heat building up in his own spine as he neared orgasm. He wanted to hold off and make Greg come first, but he was almost there.
Suddenly Greg tensed beneath him and cried out as strand after strand of hot milky-white fluid coated Nick's hand, dripping down onto his own stomach and over the sheets. All his muscles went into spasm and he clamped down on Nick‘s cock in a vice-like grip.
The sight of Greg coming and the pressure around his cock was too much, Nick couldn't hold back anymore. He let out a throaty roar and felt the burning heat flood into his balls as they hitched and tightened and sent his own ejaculation spurting into the tip of the condom.
He waited for a moment to catch his breath before he pulled gently out of Greg, holding on the rim of the condom to stop it from slipping off, and collapsed onto the bed beside his trembling young lover. He rolled the rubber off and wrapped it in a tissue, tossing it into the trash.
Greg cleaned them off with another tissue and pulled the comforter around them both. He hooked his leg over Nick's thigh, their damp skin sticking together.
"That was….." Nick stammered.
"Yeah." Greg panted.
They lay in silence for a few minutes, trying to fathom what had just happened between them. It had been electric.
"I've never… I've never felt like that before. I didn't know sex could be this good." Nick admitted.
"Me either." Greg smiled shyly, stretching up for another kiss. They made out lazily for a while, just enjoying the feeling of being together. Nick twirled a lock of Greg's soft curly hair between his fingers, careful to avoid the stitches.
"Grissom phoned me this morning." Greg said suddenly, sitting up and looking down at Nick.
Nick chuckled and held his hands up in a surrender pose. "Please don't mention Grissom while I'm naked and in a post-orgasmic glow. Kinda ruins the moment."
Greg grinned goofily at him. "He says I can come into work as soon as I'm ready. I'll be confined to the lab but it will be so good to get back. I'm getting cabin fever staying here. I‘m going to go in tonight, I think."
"You sure?" Nick sat up and wrapped himself around Greg's slender body. "You won't fall asleep on the job?"
Greg laughed and shook his head. "I'm not going to take any more of those stupid meds, I'll switch to over-the-counter stuff. Yeah, it still hurts, but it'll be OK. I want to get back, I miss it. Even if I am going to be stuck in the lab."
"Well, if it's what you want." Nick smiled cheekily at him, his dark brown eyes sparkling. "We can always get your brain to release some endorphins, that will help with your pain."
"Hmm, how could we do that?" Greg laughed, covering him with kisses.
Nick cupped Greg's face in his hands and separated them for a moment. He looked deep into those beautiful eyes, which in Greg's case really were the windows to his soul. He took a deep breath and asked the question that had been on his mind since the night before.
"Greg….." he began, hesitating for a moment to try and get the words straight in his head. "Last night when I was leaving to go to work, you said something in your sleep. Do you remember?"
Greg shook his head, his face twisted into a puzzled expression. Nick sighed. He was going to have to do this the hard way.
"As I was leaving, you said ‘Love you' and I need to know, did you mean to say it?" Nick could feel the heat of the blush rising in his cheeks, his heart beating wildly as he waited for the answer. He was still holding on to Greg's face, rubbing small circles across the cheekbones with his thumbs.
Greg reached up and took Nick's wrists in his hands, bringing them down. The silence hung painfully between them. "I shouldn't have said that." he finally admitted. Nick visibly slumped, the disappointment evident in his face.
"OK." he said thickly, his throat as dry as sand. "I just needed to know."
"Nick, look at me." Greg whispered, taking Nick's face in his hands, mirroring the gesture Nick had used moments before. "I shouldn't have said that. Not that way. I should have looked you in the eyes and said that I am crazy in love with you, Nick Stokes. God, I‘ve wanted to say it so many times, I was just scared it was too soon. I didn‘t want to freak you out. I know how hard just getting this far has been for you."
Nick pulled him into a bear-hug and kissed him passionately. Greg decided not to mention his aching ribs and kissed him back with equal fervour.
"I love you too, Greggo. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's true." Nick grinned as they broke apart. "God, you don't know what you do to me."
"I have some idea." Greg laughed as he reached down to grab Nick's once again erect cock.
***
Greg pulled up outside the Crime Lab and killed the engine of his silver Jetta, pressing the button to automatically wind up his newly-replaced window. His hands were trembling with nerves at being back at work after everything that had happened, but he was also dying to get back into his normal routine.
Nick had kissed him goodbye only a few hours before, promising to call into the lab as much as he could throughout the night, but Greg knew that he'd probably be busy and told him that he'd catch up with him after shift.
He opened the car door and carefully climbed out, his injuries causing him a few more problems now that he was no longer taking his prescribed medication. He winced at the sharp twinges radiating through his torso but tried not to give in to the temptation of swallowing the couple of pills that he‘d put in his bag for emergencies. The last thing he needed was to be caught sleeping on the evidence table by Grissom on his first night back.
He took a deep, steadying breath and pushed open the glass door of the building. Judy was behind the reception desk as usual, and she gave him a huge welcoming smile as he approached.
"Well, hello there, Greg." she said, taking off her glasses and giving them a quick clean on her cardigan as she spoke. "Good to have you back."
"Hey Judy, it's good to be back." he replied with a half-truth. He gave her a wave and continued down the corridor to Grissom's office. The supervisor was busy reading through some files, his glasses perched on the end of his nose.
Greg knocked lightly on the door but got no response. He walked further into the office and cleared his throat to get the other man's attention. Grissom looked up and nodded at Greg to take a seat, then went back to the file. Greg sat obediently and waited to hear what he would be doing for the rest of the shift, his eyes flicking around the room to take in the new specimen jars that had been added since he was last there.
"Good to have you back, Greg." Grissom said finally, dropping the file on the desk and leaning forward, clasping his hands together. Greg fought a smirk that the entomologist had used the same greeting as the receptionist had a few moments before.
"You're going to be back in the DNA lab tonight, Wendy isn't feeling well so once I knew that you were coming in I gave her the night off. You don't mind that, do you?"
Even as Grissom finished speaking he was already rummaging through the chaos of files and memos on his desk again. It didn't seem to matter whether Greg would mind or not, the decision had obviously been made.
"That's fine." he nodded anyway, already standing. At least it would keep him busy and perhaps Nick would need something processed and he'd get an excuse to see him.
He left Grissom's office and headed for the locker room to leave his bag in. He shifted a little as he stood at the open door of his locker. Every time he clenched his buttocks he could still feel the tenderness from where Nick had been inside him that morning, and again that afternoon. He shivered at the memory, hoping to relive it again as soon as possible.
Warrick strode into the locker room in his usual confident way and grinned when he saw Greg, the white teeth shining against his coffee-with-cream skin.
"Sanders." he laughed, slapping a heavy hand on his shoulder. "It's great to see you, man. You look good."
Greg's eyes flicked to the mirror he kept on the inside of his locker door. He knew that Warrick had meant ‘you look good considering what happened to you' but had been too kind to say it. His eyes were still ringed with a sickly yellow and his partly shaved head was covered with a black CSI baseball cap on backwards.
"Nick should be right behind me, he was around earlier." Warrick continued. "I'm sure he'll be pleased to see you."
"W.. why would Nick be pleased……?" Greg stammered, wondering if Nick had told Warrick that they were together.
"Well, we were all pretty worried about you for a while there, Greg, Nick included. I know you guys weren't getting on for some reason, but since your attack he's really regretted that." Warrick explained as he shrugged off his jacket and hung it in his locker.
"Right." Greg nodded, closing his own locker and turning to face his friend. Of course Nick wouldn't tell anyone that they were together. It had been hard enough to get him to accept it himself.
"So, you working in the lab tonight?" the other man asked as they walked out of the locker room together.
Greg nodded. "I'm regressing. DNA." he groaned. "Gris has got me filling in for Wendy."
"Too bad." Warrick sympathised, clapping him on the shoulder once more. "See you later, we'll go get a beer or something. Invite Nick if you see him."
"Sure. Invite Nick. Right." Greg nodded, forcing a smile. There were several things he had been planning on doing with Nick after shift and having a beer with Warrick was not one of them. Still, he figured it would be cool to hang out like they used to.
He walked the familiar route to the DNA lab and pulled on a dark blue lab coat and a pair of white rubber gloves, snapping the latex against his wrists. He sat down at what used to be his desk and waited for something to process.
Hodges walked past the lab then doubled back and sauntered in through the door when he saw Greg sitting there, his face twisted into a smirk. "Well well, you're back." he snarked. "Greg Sanders, CSI guy, batting for both teams. Who knew? You certainly kept that juicy tidbit to yourself."
Greg's heart sank. He knew it was too much to hope for that his private life hadn't been spread around by the lab gossips. He didn't have the energy to deal with Hodges right now, his ribs hurt and the baseball cap was making his head itch. He fought the urge to tell the lab-tech to go to hell.
"Sorry Hodges, I don't think you're his type." came a voice from the doorway. Hodges spun round to find Bobby Dawson standing there, his arms crossed and his brow furrowed.
"I wasn't…." Hodges flapped, "I wouldn't…. I‘m not……"
He gave up and stormed out of the room, pushing past the other tech. Bobby grinned and made his way over to the desk.
"Thanks Bobby." Greg smiled gratefully. "I guess you've heard….. I guess everybody's heard about why I got attacked, huh?"
Bobby nodded and gave him a sympathetic squeeze on the arm. "You ever need to talk, or even if you just wanna come over and watch the game, me and Tony would love to have you. And Lindy would love to see her Uncle Greg." Bobby beamed with pride when he mentioned his adopted daughter and his life partner. Greg felt a pang of envy shoot through him. He realised then that he wanted a life like Bobby's someday. And he wanted it with Nick.
"I might just take you up on that." Greg nodded, relieved to have the ballistics expert on his side. Everyone in the lab liked and respected the man, his sexuality wasn't even an issue to most of them. Greg hoped that the same could be said for him once everyone got used to the fact that he was bisexual.
"Anytime." Bobby smiled before leaving the room and continuing his journey to his own lab.
~~~
Greg drummed his fingers on the desk in complete boredom. He'd only had one blood sample to process, a trace amount from Catherine's home invasion case, and it had been fed into the system hours ago. He got up and ambled down to the break room to get a cup of coffee.
Nick and Sara were huddled on the couch in the corner of the room, heads together conspiratorially. They jumped apart when Greg entered the room.
"Something I should know?" Greg said pointedly, knowing that only Nick would get the true meaning of the question.
"Just discussing the case we're working on." Sara grinned, jumping off the couch and coming over to him. "Good to have you back Greg." she sing-songed before winking at Nick and leaving the room.
"I think it's good to have me back." Greg quipped, taking a sip of coffee. It wasn't Blue Hawaiian but it would have to do, he was too tired to look for his secret stash. "What were you guys whispering about anyway? You leaving me for Sara?" he asked, making sure there was no one around to hear him.
"Never." Nick grinned. "She's not my type."
"And just what is your type?" Greg teased, looking at him coyly through thick eyelashes.
"Tall, thin, toned body. Intense brown eyes. Dark blond curly hair, killer smile. Strange clothes. Bad taste in music…" Nick countered with a grin, counting the list off on his fingertips.
Greg couldn't quite believe it that they were flirting in the break room. It had been a long time since that had happened.
"Do you want me to put out ever again?" he pretended to sulk, sticking his bottom lip out. Nick got an overwhelming urge to nibble the plump, moist skin. The sexual tension between them was going to drive him crazy. It had always been there, but now he knew what it felt like to touch and kiss that lithe body, knew exactly where to stimulate to drive the other man wild.
"God, I wish I could touch you. I can‘t wait until later." he came closer and stood in front of him, bodies almost connected but not quite. Greg could feel the heat radiating off of him and smell the subtle scent that he'd grown addicted to. He took a deep breath and drank it in. He couldn't stop the small moan that escaped from his lips.
"Fuck…. Love you, G'." Nick breathed huskily as he slipped past him and out the door, taking the same route that Sara had just moments before. The words were like a kiss to his soul, giving him the strength to face whatever lay ahead. Hodges could say whatever he wanted. Greg didn't care anymore.
~~~
Morning finally arrived, signalling the end of shift and Greg's freedom from the DNA lab. Towards the end of the shift there had been a triple homicide and two rapes coming in simultaneously and Greg had gone from having nothing to do to being swamped. He was more than relieved when Grissom came in and told him that Tracy from day-shift had arrived and was going to take over.
He pulled off the latex gloves and tossed them in the trash and shrugged out of his lab coat, hanging it on the back of the door so it could be picked up and cleaned.
He yawned and stretched as best he could without hurting himself and walked slowly towards the locker room, where he found a bright yellow post-it note stuck to his locker. Scrawled in Sara's handwriting was the message ‘Need to see you. Breakroom.'
Greg pulled the post-it note from his locker and balled it up. He wondered what Sara wanted. He just wanted to go home and be with Nick, he was tired and sore and he couldn't wait to take the stupid baseball cap off.
Sighing heavily, he trudged towards the break room. "This better be good, Sidle." he muttered under his breath. The break room door was closed and the blinds were drawn. What was going on? Was Sara trying to seduce him or something? Maybe she had a kink for bruises.
He knocked hesitantly on the door. "Sara? It's Greg." he called softly before opening the door.
The room was dark and silent, he figured Sara must have gotten tired of waiting for him and left already. He turned to walk away again when the lights flashed on and there was a huge burst of laughter and a shout of ‘Surprise' as someone grabbed him from behind and pulled him back into the break room.
Greg's legs gave way as he flashed back to that morning when John had pushed him through the door and proceeded to attack him. He cried out in fear as the memories came flooding back in an overwhelming rush. His breathing laboured and white spots danced before his eyes before a wave of blackness overcame him and he passed out.
Nick ran from the back of the room and pushed through the crowd of shocked on-lookers. He found Greg lying motionless on the ground, his face damp and ghostly pale. His stomach lurched.
"What the hell did you do?" he asked Ronnie, who had pulled Greg into the room. Ronnie looked aghast, the colour draining from his round face.
"He was walking away, I just grabbed him…" he tried to explain. "I didn't mean… Oh God, is he OK?"
Nick dropped to his knees beside Greg and took his head in his hands, the cap knocked off to reveal the neat row of stitches.
"Greg, it's OK, wake up." Nick pleaded, slapping him lightly on the cheek. "Please baby, it's Nick. Wake up. Come on."
A shocked mumble echoed around the room. Nick realised too late what he had said, but at this moment he didn't care. All he cared about was making sure Greg was OK.
"Greg, you're safe, I've got you." he tried again. Greg moaned and his eyes flickered.
"John…. No." he croaked, his arms raised as he tried to fight off an invisible assailant.
"No, honey. You're safe. You just passed out, that's all." Nick whispered in his ear, cradling him carefully, his free hand holding Greg's flailing arms steady.
The rest of the team stood around and just watched them, not knowing what to say. Finally Grissom snapped into action and ushered them away. "OK people, we've all got homes to go to." he ordered. They dispersed, walking carefully around the pair and slipping through the doorway quietly, leaving the two of them alone in the break room.
Nick helped Greg to sit up and came back from the table with a glass of water.
"What happened?" Greg asked, not really knowing. The last thing he remembered was turning to leave the room when he thought no one was there. He looked up at the small table in the middle of the room which was covered with food and drink and the hastily printed banner which was pinned up on the wall that read 'Welcome Back Gre' and had an extra G stuck on at the end on a separate sheet of paper.
"We arranged a welcome back party for you as a surprise." Nick explained, his eyes moist. "This wasn't supposed to happen. Ronnie didn't mean to upset you, he just didn't think."
He hit the wall with his clenched fist and swore loudly. "This is all my fault. When Sara suggested this I should have said no."
"You guys planned a party for me?" Greg asked, making an attempt to stand. "Why?"
"We were just glad to have you back, G'." Nick admitted, reaching a supportive arm out to encircle Greg's waist. "We wanted to say how much we missed you and we‘re glad you‘re OK."
Just then Grissom reappeared from around the corner and joined them in the room. Nick fought the urge to let his hand drop, it was too late now anyway. They all knew.
"So…." Grissom took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, then replaced them. "How long has this been going on?"
Nick and Greg exchanged looks and Nick knew there was no point trying to lie. He answered "Not long. Only since Greg got out of hospital." He could feel the heat of a deep blush flaming in his cheeks. He'd never been more embarrassed in his life.
Grissom stared at Greg, and then at Nick, his expression unreadable. "This isn't going to affect your work?"
"No, of course not." Greg exclaimed. "We'll be more than professional about it."
Grissom nodded. "Well, Greg isn't your subordinate, Nick, so as long as your work doesn't suffer, your private life is your own business."
Greg and Nick breathed simultaneous sighs of relief.
"Of course…" Grissom continued. "It might be a good idea not to call each other pet names while at work." His face was serious but his eyes twinkled with mirth as he turned and left the room.
Nick groaned and buried his burning face in his hands, choking on his own toe-curling mortification. Greg checked to make sure the corridor was clear before forcefully pulling the hands away and cupping Nick's face in his own hands.
"Are you OK?" he asked, knowing exactly how hard this must be on Nick, who'd worked his whole life to hide who he really was only to have everyone he worked with find out in one fell swoop.
Nick nodded, his eyes still screwed tightly shut. "I guess I'll have to be." he sighed. "Can't turn back time."
Greg leaned in and brushed his lips against Nick's, just the merest hint of contact. There was nothing sexual about it, it was an expression of pure love and comfort.
"Come on." he smiled, walking backwards towards the door, pulling Nick along with him. "I think the best thing to do is get this over with quickly, like pulling a band-aid off."
Holding Nick's hand tightly, they left the break room, Greg kicking the lost baseball cap aside. They made their way to the locker room where almost everyone who had been at the party were getting ready to go home. Nick hung back a little as Greg entered, although Greg never let go of his hand. He cleared his throat and they all looked up expectantly.
"So, there's a party going to waste back there." he said, his voice wavering slightly. "You guys coming?"
Catherine looked around the room at Warrick, Sara, Bobby and Archie. She turned back to Greg and smiled. "Of course. Won't we, guys?"
Everyone nodded and began to file past them into the corridor. Greg put a hand out to stop Catherine as she passed. "Do you think you could find Ronnie for me? Let him know there's no hard feelings, maybe get him to come back?"
"Of course." she smiled, and made a right turn towards the labs.
Bobby gave them both an encouraging smile as he passed, Archie flashed them a double thumbs up and mumbled a smug "Yin and Yang. Told you." to Sara, who shot them a gap-toothed grin. Warrick hung behind so that he would be the last one out.
"Hey." he stopped beside Nick and reached a hand out. Nick took it gratefully. "I don't care who you date as long as you're happy, OK? And if anyone gives you any shit I‘ll kick their ass."
"Thanks Rick." Nick smiled softly, relieved that his friend wasn‘t going to treat him any differently just because he was gay. "Good to know you've got my back."
"Always." Warrick turned and clasped Greg on the shoulder. "That goes for you too, Sanders."
He moved off towards the party, leaving Nick and Greg alone in the locker room.
"So." Nick said just to break the silence.
"So." Greg repeated, squeezing Nick's hand reassuringly.
"I've been a complete idiot." Nick sighed. "I've been so afraid of this moment for so long, and yet here it is and the sky hasn't fallen in, the world hasn‘t ended. Everything's the same."
"Well….. Not quite the same." Greg smiled, pulling Nick into an embrace and kissing him softly on the lips.
"No. A million times better. I've got you." he mumbled into Greg's open mouth as the kiss deepened, forgetting for a moment that they were still in the locker room at work.
Greg leaned his forehead against Nick's as the kiss ended, not wanting to lose contact yet. They stood staring into each others eyes for what seemed like forever until Nick smiled at him and pulled him into a tight hug before taking his hand again and leading him down the corridor towards the party.
All of Nick's friends and colleagues now knew that he was gay, and the one's that actually mattered to him didn't seem to care. He could live his life the way he was meant to, at long last. No more hiding from himself and his feelings, no more denying himself a chance at happiness. He just wished it hadn't taken Greg getting attacked to finally force him to be open and honest about what he wanted. That, and the guilt of how he had treated Greg, would sit heavy on him for a long time.
Of course, there was still his family back in Texas to deal with, but that would come later. Even if they couldn't handle the fact that he was gay and disowned him, which was a distinct possibility, he still had Greg and Greg loved him. Greg would be his family and that would be enough. It had to be. Because he wasn't giving Greg up for anyone.
The End (but is it really the end?)
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