Title: Watching
Author: Khylara
Fandom/Couple: CSI: Miami Horatio/Speed (Like I've been writing anything else...)
Rating: PG 13ish
Feedback: Always appreciated
Archive: Yes to WWOMB and anyone else who wants it. Just let me know where it ends up so I can visit.
Synopsis: Speed's reflections on being watched.
Comments: This is from one of PEJA's challenges - I think it was a 15 minute one where you had to use the beginning phrase "He watches me..." And for the record, I've named Speed's HS friend who died (see CBS website synopsis) Christopher. Just so I don't confuse anyone. 1st Person POV Speed is "speaking".

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He watches me constantly. Has from the very beginning, the very first day I walked through the glass doors of the crime lab, tagging after Christopher's uncle. At first I thought he was just keeping an eye on the new guy, making sure I didn't royally screw up something important. It wasn't until much later, when he let me into his life, his heart, that I found out that Horatio watched me because he wanted me, desired me. Loved me.

He does it all the time now - in the morning while we're getting dressed, while we're in the lab going over evidence, while we're out on a call. It's to the point where he doesn't like to drive when I'm with him - he's gotten distracted on more than one occassion. I think it was when the Semi almost flattened us that he finally let go of the wheel.

But I like it most when he watches me during our lovemaking. He never takes his eyes off me, barely closes them when we kiss, studies my every move, my every reaction to his touch. Even when he climaxes he's looking straight at me with such an intensity...a need. There's so much need in his eyes sometimes...

It's a little frightening. More than a little overwhelming.

But it's become a comfort to me as well, the way he watches me, looks after me, takes care of me. No one's ever done that before, at least not like this. I'm not saying I was neglected growing up - far from it. But Dad's attention was always focused on his restaurants and Mom's was on the foster kids in our care and my little brother. I was low maintennance in their eyes - the good kid, the one who always did the right thing and stayed out of trouble. And I was - until I lost Christopher. My anchor. The only other person in my life who loved me for me, and now for what I could be.

But I have a new anchor now. And I think Horatio knows that, even though I've never said in so many words. He knows how much contact I have with my family - practically none, and he's seen me after the times I do. It's almost like he's detirmined to give me what they never could - someone to lean on if I ever need it. And I've become the one thing in his life that he needs - someone to care for, watch over, now that his brother is gone and he doesn't see his nephew as often as he'd like.

It's a comforting feeling, knowing that whatever happens, I'll always have someone by my side, in my life. It's one of the many reasons I love him so much, one of the ways I know I can't live without him anymore. Because everytime I look at Horatio, he's watching me with those Miami sky blue eyes of his.

Watching me. Loving me.

And the only thing I can do is watch him - love him - back.

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