Title: Wedding Bell Blues
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Ryan Wolfe
Fandom: CSI: Las Vegas/CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Table: writers_choice
Prompt: 473, Bells
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Ryan Wolfe, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***


Ryan pressed his foot on the brake, bringing the car to a stop at a red light. He reached over to place a hand on Greg's knee; for some reason, he felt that he needed the physical contact with his boyfriend. He always felt better when he was touching Greg in some way.

It had been a long, hard night; they'd been sent out on two cases, and both of them seemed as though they might be unsolvable. There hadn't been much evidence in either case, so they would have to rely on their minds rather than what they had right in front of them.

He hoped that they'd be able to go home and get some sleep after they'd walked Wolfie; all he wanted to do at the moment was curl up under the covers with his boyfriend, hold Greg in his arms, and drift off into a peaceful sleep. He was too tired to even think about making love.

He was sure that Greg was just as tired; his boyfriend had worked equally as hard as he had today. With a soft sigh, he sat staring at the light, startled when Greg placed a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head, raising his brows in silent question.

"Look," Greg said softly. A wedding party was coming out of one of the many chapels in Las Vegas, the bride and groom both smiling broadly. There was a shower of confetti and rice, a happy crowd surging out of the chapel after the couple who had just gotten married.

The sound of wedding bells seemed to fill the air; for just a few moments, that was all Ryan could hear, just the bells chiming loudly all around them. While the sound seemed happy on the outside, to him, there was something hollow about the sound that didn't ring quite true.

How he wished those bells could ring for himself and Greg! But gay marriage wouldn't be legal for a long time; probably not in their lifetimes, or in the lifetimes of the next few generations after theirs. It should be legal, but he couldn't change the laws -- or make them.

"I wish that could be us," Greg murmured, sighing softly as his eyes followed the bride and groom to their car. In typical wedding fashion, there was a "Just Married" sign on the back, and the two young people getting into the car looked as though they had stars in their eyes.

"Maybe one day it will be," Ryan told him, reaching for his boyfriend's hand and twining their fingers together, giving Greg's hand a reassuring squeeze. "We might not be able to get married legally, but we can have a civil union. That's close to the same thing."

"I know, but ...." Greg's voice trailed off, and he shook his head sadly. "If we did that, we'd have to do it by ourselves. We might be able to have a couple of friend who we don't work with as witnesses, but we couldn't have any people there who we're really close to."

"That's really important to you, isn't it?" Ryan asked, his voice very soft and husky. "To have the people you work with, the people you consider your closest friends, at our wedding." It wasn't a question, not really; he already knew how Greg felt about that.

He felt the same way, really. When they got married, announcing their relationship and their love for each other to the world, he wanted to have the people he worked with and who he'd grown to care about surrounding them -- as well as both of their families. He didn't want anyone to be left out.

And if they had any kind of ceremony in the near future, the way things stood now, they would have to leave their friends out of it. They couldn't risk anyone at work knowing about their relationship -- it would be too easy for someone to slip and let Ecklie know about them.

If Ecklie knew, then he would be sure to separate them. Not only would they not be partners any more, but they wouldn't even be able to work on the same shift. Ryan knew that neither of them could deal with that -- they needed to be able to work together.

It would be too hard for either of them to know that their other half was going into situations that could put him in danger -- and that would certainly take a toll on their relationship. Ryan wasn't willing to let that happen, and he was sure that Greg wasn't, either.

Greg nodded in answer to his question, bringing Ryan back to the present moment. He heard a car horn beep insistently behind them, and he looked up at the light, startled. It had probably been green for some time, and he'd just been sitting here, lost in his own thoughts.

Pressing his foot to the gas pedal, he drove in silence for a while, wishing that he could see into Greg's inner thoughts. He had a feeling that he knew what his boyfriend might be thinking, but he'd learned that with Greg, it was best never to simply assume anything.

They drove the rest of the way home in silence, but by the time he had pulled the car into a space in the parking lot in front of their apartment building, Ryan knew that he needed to talk to Greg about that wedding. His boyfriend seemed to be a little upset about seeing it.

"Greg, we'll be able to get married someday," he said softly, wishing that he could offer the reassurance of knowing that they would be able to have an actual marriage ceremony, but knowing that he couldn't. "It might just be a civil union, but that's good enough for me."

"Is it, Ryan?" Greg asked softly, looking over at him. Ryan was startled at the depths of the pain he could read in those dark eyes; this was an issue that really disturbed Greg, and Ryan didn't want to see his lover sink into melancholy thinking about the fact that they couldn't legally marry.

"Yes, it is," he answered, keeping his voice soft but steady as he reached for Greg's hand. "I want us to be able to have a real wedding, Greg, but if gay marriage isn't legalized, then I'll take what we can get. And a civil union, in my eyes, means that we're married in the eyes of the law."

"It's just not fair that we can't get married because we're two men." Greg's voice broke on the last words; he shook his head, taking a deep breath and blinking rapidly. "Just because we can't squeeze out a screaming kid between the two of us, we're denied a right that everybody should have."

"It isn't fair that gay men can't get married legally," Ryan agreed, holding back a sigh. This wasn't what he wanted to think about at the moment; he was too tired to marshal his whirling thoughts. But if Greg wanted to have this discussion, then he'd do it.

"But we've got each other," he continued, hoping that his words would make Greg feel better. "That's the most important thing, isn't it? We're together, and we're married in our hearts. Nothing can take that away from us, Greg. Nothing can take us away from each other."

Greg looked over at him, his expression suddenly less morose than it had been. "You know, you're right," he said softly, nodding in agreement with Ryan's words. "We don't have to be married legally. What's important is how we feel about each other in our hearts."

"Exactly," Ryan said softly, squeezing his boyfriend's hand gently. "All that really matters is that we're together, and that we love each other. Being able to get married would be nice, but in my heart and soul, I'm already married to you, Greg. And I always will be."

Greg returned the squeeze, a smile curving his lips. "I should be thinking of things in that light, shouldn't I?" he said softly, leaning over to brush a gentle kiss across Ryan's cheek. "I'm sorry to be so down. I shouldn't let seeing a happy occasion make me feel like we're missing out."

"We're not missing out on anything," Ryan said firmly, shaking his head. "Baby, we're the lucky ones. There are so many people who get married who don't share what we do. They aren't gong to stay married long, because they don't have the commitment in their hearts."

"That's why we should be able to get married," Greg said with a soft sigh. "Because it's people like us who'll stay together and love each other forever. But we're denied that right, while people who'll be running to divorce court within a few years are free to marry as many times as they want to."

"But their marriages don't mean anything," Ryan pointed out, leaning over to return the kiss. "Ours will, when we can finally get married. And even if we can't, then we're still married in our hearts. Where it counts." He squeezed Greg's hand again, hoping to impart some comfort.

Greg nodded again, a smile spreading over his face. "The next time I start to feel those wedding bell blues, I'm going to remember that. You and I don't need to get married in a chapel. We're married where it really matters -- and that's more important to me than any ceremony."

Ryan leaned over again to press another kiss to his boyfriend's cheek before he let go of Greg's hand, taking the keys out of the ignition and opening the car door. He was glad that this discussion was over -- and he hoped that by the time it came up again, they'd be able to plan their wedding.

***