Title: What? How? Why?
By: Dee
Pairing: Gil/Nick
Rating: PG-13

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Gil stared at himself in his mirror.  His face was covered in shaving soap and his razor steady and waiting in his hand.
 
What had become of him in this last year?  How had it happened and why did he let it continue? Three questions that he asked himself repeatedly every day.
 
He shaved off his day's beard growth from his face, rinsing after each sweep of his blade. He was soon clean shaven and rinsed the residual soap from his face and pulled a towel from the rail and dried it off.  He looked at himself again.
 
He didn't look any different.  He looked healthy, he was tanned, his eyes were clear and his hair, though grey, was still thick and curly.  He ran his fingers over his chin.  He would have liked to grow his beard again and his hair was longer than he usually kept it but he couldn't change these things.  Not at all.
 
Because he was forbidden to do so.
 
He sighed and still looked at himself and wondered…yet again, this time in under a few minutes…how he had let it happen and why did he let it continue.
 
It was after work one morning; a really bad shift and in the end there was only the two of them left, both of them the worse for wear.  It had happened so fast that he was shocked into inaction for a few moments and then it was too late; he was ensnared.
 
It was so out of character he would have sworn, on oath, that he wasn't like that.  He was an even tempered solid young man with a reputation for kindness and empathy.  He was not a predator; it just wasn't in his nature…or so he'd thought and yet he'd been pushed against a wall in the stair well and kissed hard and almost senseless and then almost dragged down to the basement and behind the stairwell and pushed to his knees and made to fellate him.
 
He'd never sucked off a man before in his life. 
 
Did he complain?  Did he resist?  No.  And no.  And then the favour was reciprocated. He'd never been sucked off before by a man.  It was different.  No.  That was a lie.  It was sensational.
 
Then he'd left and Gil was abandoned in the basement leaning on the wall wondering if it had actually happened at all or was just a dream…or a nightmare.
 
Nothing else happened.  Not for a month or more.  Then he had a phone call to his house.  Asking to meet him.  He didn't say ‘no'.  He asked, ‘where'?
 
A motel that neither man had visited as a crime scene.  And that was how the pattern emerged. Hardly any conversation.  Sex, hard and raw.   Instructions given to him for him to obey and he did so without question.  No beard.  Longer hair.  No weight loss.  No weight gain.
 
He was disgusted with himself and exhilarated by the encounters in almost equal measure but the scales tipped minutely in favour of the exhilaration. He'd never been quite so satisfied in his life.
 
So as he looked at himself in the mirror he knew the one answer to all the questions he repeatedly asked himself.
 
He was an addict. 
 
He was addicted to Nick Stokes.
 
The End

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Next story in series - What? How? Why? Take 2