Title: What is Left
Author: nigaishin
Pairing: HodgesxGreg
Rating: PG
Disclaimers: not mine, or else it'd be called "CSI: the orgy lab from hell" -- yeah, I know, more sleep, less smut.
Summary: Dave looks back at his relationship with Greg.

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David can remember the first times he was dating Greg his life seemed pretty simple, even if the younger man all but bounced in other people's lives and had the same effects of an energized rubber ball just tossed.

It all revolved around three things and the rest would just pass on without him caring much about it.

His work he loved because, even if he wouldn't ever admit it, it was just so full of variables he wouldn't give it up for anything else. He liked everything else nicely planned, but there was nothing certain about evidence until he analysed it, and even the smallest things could hold the solution of a case. The possibilities were infinite.

Greg had puzzled him at first. He interested him, kept him guessing, he was so damn different from him, so very lively and always changing and so totally uncaring to hide it. Being with him made Dave feel like the world was spinning around them and nothing could stop them, nothing could touch them, they could do everything.

Plus, Greg had showed him what a home really was, a place where they could smile and banter and kiss and stagger out of bed when they forgot to set the alarm, and share showers for the silliest reasons, complain and kick back and relax for a while, never alone even if the other wasn't there yet. It was doodled post-it sticked to the fridge and clothes scattered around and old porn magazines in a box under the bed and shoes kicked off in the middle of the hallway.

David looks around and picks a shirt off the floor, throwing it carelessly on the chair in the corner of his bedroom.

Maybe they had gone too fast, maybe the rush to the head he felt from time to time was a warning he should have minded.

He has no idea of how things really fell apart, there was no shouting, not even in the very end. No open anger, just some kind of bitter resignation and shifty looks and shaken heads and turned backs.

He feels like he has been stripped bare, it hurts, drives him mad to think he trusted for nothing.

He finds himself wondering if he should be happy his work is his only way to leave it all behind, forget about the rest of the world. He was left with that only.

Not Greg, who has suddenly forced a change on himself rather than just being himself, hiding behind the image of a grown up that looked so fake to Dave, it has to be hurting him too.

Not a home, because he can't bring himself to call home the empty apartment that awaits for him at the end of each shift, not the place where everything reminds him of what he has lost, where everytime he opens the closet or a drawer he can still smell Greg there, on his clothes, on his sheets.

 

 

 

~fin

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