Title: A whimsical little tail
Author: Dee
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 840
Pairings: Gil/Nick
Characters: Hank (Yes…that’s right!)
Warnings: Completely and utterly AU fluff!
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: In my dreams they are like, totally mine!
Beta: jayceepat and podga for their invaluable help in the Americanisation of the fic and their insightful comments. I thank high_striker for his wonderful icons. I am indebted to them all. Any errors are mine.
A/N: This is a just a little fic written, with Podga’s permission, regarding her wonderful fics ‘Isolation’ and ‘From Before to After’, posted on the 19th and 20th of July respectively! Written, naturally, by a fic writer with dogs!!!


I did hear him shout for me to stop, but what the hell, things have been so boring around here I thought I’d show him that there was still some life left in the old dog. Noooo, I’m not that old, for Dog’s sake.

I mean, I could have really bitten the human and, if you don’t mind me saying, he was being a bit melodramatic falling to the ground like he did. I thought I did contrite quite well afterwards and Gil did pet me….he’s never hit me, although when he’s really annoyed at me, he might as well have done, it hurts just as much to have him, ‘give me a talking to’; she used to say I didn’t understand, but I did, every word.

Those other humans who kept me, they used to hit me and it hurt, I mean it’s not like I've got a lot of fat on me…I’m a super sleek model, that’s me. I tried to be a good boy, but sometimes I just got a bit carried away. Anyway I’m older now and I like it here, a lot better. So, I’m being extra good; I’m sure he’ll keep me.

Will he though? He didn’t keep her, did he? And, he let her sleep in his bed with him….he never lets me do that. But he chats to me quite a lot and that’s nice; they didn’t speak much, just sat around reading and then doing those things in bed, though not very often.

It was funny that, because he did the same peculiar things with this new human that he’d done with her and my Gil was much noisier about it than he ever was with her, and they did it in the living room. I could see; it was seriously weird stuff I can tell you. I mean they go on about dogs sniffing each other’s dicks, but this new human had Gil’s dick in his mouth. Well.

And then they went off to bed and closed the door. Spoilsports; I just like to know what’s going on, is all; this is my home, after all’s said and done.

Nearly got into trouble again this morning when I had the new human stuck fast, scared half to death. It was great; I only bared my teeth, only a little bit. Dog, he was scared and called out for Gil, like a sissy. So I walked out like nothing had happened and Gil believed me and not him. Ha….a victory!

‘Nick’, that’s what he calls the new human and I like that name. I don’t know how I got saddled with ‘Hank’…huh, rhymes with ‘stank and wank’, that’s what my previous small humans used to say. I would have liked Bruno….or Gomez….don’t ask why. Bruno seems to me to be a very regal name. I could be the pet of someone famous with a name like that and I could live in Hollywood; be a star on a major television series. Yep, I could do that.

I’m not complaining, really I’m not, I like being here with Gil. Perhaps, if I start being nice to the new human, Nick, he will keep me. And that guy is such a pushover I bet I could land me a nice little place on the bottom of the bed. I could see what was going on then.

He’s going to stay; I can tell….there’s a lightness in the air that hasn’t been here since before the other human was here. Yeah, that’s the truth of it; the atmosphere in here was stifling when she was here. That’s gone.

That’s it then, the plan. I’ll put it into action when the new human comes back, I’m sure he will, Gil was stroking and petting him …I wonder if Gil put Nick’s dick in his mouth. Must be a human habit I've not seen before. They have some very strange habits, these humans. They pee in the same place all the time; I mean how weird is that? And, when we go out for a walk, they don’t even have one pee. Hold on a moment, was Gil stroking him and petting him more than me? He was, but, they’re humans, they can do that stuff; I’ll let them.

So….when Nick comes back he is going to get him a new best friend, and how. He will be totally unable to resist me and my charms. I can do nice; I can do friendly; I can do big brown eyes, nobody loves me, paw on knee. Yep, no problemo. I will be sleeping on the that big bed in no time at all. And there's no way they’ll let me go….if I play my cards right (that’s a good analogy, we live in Las Vegas) I might even end up with a playmate…but I won’t let them call him Bruno….no way, I might be called Hank, but inside I’m ‘Bruno – Dog star, you want my pawograph’?

Mark my bark.

The End