Title: Without Fear
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Gil Grissom
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: Places, mission_insane
Prompt: 10, Forest
Author's Note: Slight spoilers for the CSI: Vegas episode "Fannysmackin''".
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Gil Grissom, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Greg shuddered as he looked around him, wishing that he was anywhere but here. This place reminded him far too much of the woods he'd been carried through when he'd been kidnapped; in fact, if he closed his eyes, he could almost feel that he was there again ....

He took a deep breath, shaking his head as though to clear those memories away. That had happened months ago, and he wasn't going to have to go through it again. People were looking out for him; his abductors wouldn't have a chance to get at him a second time.

He'd have to get over this irrational fear if he wanted to keep working as a CSI, Greg told himself firmly, picking up his kit and heading into the forest, following two of the cops who had cordoned off the area. A lot of murders took place out here. He'd have to get used to it.

Things like this had never bothered him before -- but then, he'd never had a bad experience to look back on, at least not one involving the forest. He was just lucky that getting beaten up by a gang in a back alley hadn't given him a fear of those places, too.

If that particular experience had made him afraid to walk into any alleys, he would have had to quit his job. The job he loved, the job that had meant so much to him for so long. He hadn't let it happen then, and he wouldn't let this last bad experience rule his life.

Taking a deep breath, Greg forced himself to move forward and not look to either side. He didn't want to let that feeling of panic sink in, the feeling that at any moment, someone could jump out at him, throw him over their shoulder and carry him off.

Thinking like that wasn't going to help him do his job, Greg told himself firmly as he knelt next to the body. If things had gone a little differently, though, that could have been him lying on the ground, cold and lifeless, with blood everywhere and people wondering what had happened to him.

No, that wouldn't have been the way it ended, would it? They would have found him tied to that slab of rock, nude, exposed in death as he would have let himself be in life. He had to suppress another shudder; for some reason, his thoughts kept circling around to that.

Why was he feeling so morbid lately? Why couldn't he get those frightening hours out of his mind? Nothing like that was ever going to happen to him again; Gil had said that he would be protected, and Greg believed him. His boyfriend wouldn't let any harm come to him.

If he didn't manage to push back this paranoia, then he was going to be relegated to a padded room, Greg told himself, resolutely studying the body for any hint of what might have happened. All he could tell was that the guy had been bludgeoned to death, which was already apparent.

Well, it would be his job, along with the rest of the crime lab, to deduce just what had happened to this man. And judging from the looks of the body, that wouldn't be easy to do, Greg thought, wincing as he looked at the man's face. There wasn't much left of it.

That could have been him. Greg swallowed convulsively at the thought, wishing it would go away, wishing that it hadn't come into his mind. He didn't want to imagine himself lying there, his face almost unrecognizable, with no one knowing how or why he had been killed.

Thanks to Gil, he hadn't suffered that fate -- and he never would. He wasn't going to be one of the victims of the violent crimes that he saw the aftermath of every day that he was on the job. Thanks to Gil, he would be safe and protected, and his abductors would eventually be caught.

Of course, that didn't stop him from feeling vulnerable at times, Greg thought with a soft sigh as he bent to collect another piece of evidence near the body. Until the men who had kidnapped him were caught, he would always feel like he had to look over his shoulder.

But he was managing to get past that; every day, he felt a little more confident. Well, maybe not every day, he thought wryly. There were still days when he didn't want to go outside, days when he wanted to stay hidden away in the house he shared with Gil.

But at least he had people looking out for him, friends who would do their best to make sure that he was safe. There were people in his life who cared about him; that was more than a lot of people had. He was lucky in most respects, and he knew it.

What would he have done without his friends? If it hadn't been for them -- as well as for the man he loved -- he didn't know what would have happened to him. More than likely, his captors would have murdered him, and his body might never have been found.

That hadn't been his fate, and to say that he was glad of the fact would have been the understatement of the century. Instead of being dead and gone, he was with the man he'd always loved, the man he'd thought he would never have the chance to be with.

He wouldn't say that his kidnappers had done him a favor, but in a way, they had brought him and Gil together. Greg didn't know if Gil would have poured out his heart and told him how he felt if all of those events hadn't taken place -- and part of him didn't want to know.

It was enough for him that Gil had come for him; Gil had been there when he'd been needed the most, proving his love to Greg. Gil had been the person who had carried him out of that house of horrors, the person who had comforted him through the nightmares of those first days.

Without Gil in his life, he'd be a shadow of the person he was now, he told himself as he meticulously went around the crime scene, adding more and more evidence to the kit that he'd brought with him. Without Gil, he wouldn't have a life. He'd just have an existence.

But that wasn't how things had worked out, Greg told himself firmly, trying to push his morbid thoughts of his mind and concentrate on his work. He was with Gil, he was safe, and they were happy together -- even if the past did seem like a black cloud hanging over them at times.

It didn't take him long to gather the evidence; he'd been told to get back to the lab as quickly as possible, as they were backed up with cases, and this wasn't the only one he would be working on. He was more than glad to get away from the forest, to put the ominous feeling behind him.

Sighing, Greg got to his feet and turned to make his way out of the forest, glad that he was getting out of here. He'd probably never feel at home in places like this again, and he hated that fact. He didn't like feeling at a disadvantage, especially when he was doing his job.

One thing at a time, he told himself firmly as he walked back to the van. It was going to take a while for him to put all that had happened behind him; even though it had been months since his kidnapping and rape, he wasn't going to suddenly compartmentalize it all.

He was tired of having to live under that shadow, though. There were times when it felt as if his life would be permanently overshadows by that one experience --and he didn't want to live like that. Maybe it was time to start facing his fears more directly.

If he could do that, then he could shake off that shadow of fear that always seemed to follow him around. It wouldn't be easy, but it was time for him to stop hiding away, time to step out of the shadows and face his fears, to fight them down and conquer them.

That might be more easily said than done, he thought as he started the van's engine and backed out of the parking space. But if conquering those fears meant that he could enter a forest without feeling fearful, then it would more than worth whatever he might have to do.

***