Title: Your Denial
By: reversedsam
Pairing: Cath/Sara
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimers: They're not mine, but I promise I'll have them back by midnight.
A/N: All mistakes and British spellings are mine.
Summary: Damn, Sara's stubborn sometimes...

***

I just kissed Sara; I don't believe I actually just kissed Sara. I've wanted to do that for so long, and my god can she kiss. My insides melted within two seconds and all I could do was react. I just kissed Sara. Wow.

My car decided to break down this morning so she offered me a lift home after work, I asked her in for breakfast to return the favour. We had a perfectly nice breakfast, just chatting and relaxing and to be honest I have no idea how I went from chatting with her to kissing her, it just seemed to happen. She stood so close to me as I was running the water to wash up, insisting she should help me, and she smelt so good, I just couldn't stop myself. Her close proximity was making it impossible not to kiss her.

Seconds later I was pinned between the counter and her heavenly body, being kissed stupid and loving every single second.

So why am I now, not five minutes later standing here alone, confused as hell?

As I pulled back from the kiss needing to catch my breath she suddenly moved back from me, panic clear in her eyes and before I could ask what was up she mumbled something about being sorry then ran out. What the hell? Did it seem like I was complaining?

I followed her as soon as my shaky legs would allow but her car had already gone, I tried her cell but she must have turned it off and I don't know her home number.

I have no idea why she bolted like that, maybe she thinks I didn't want her to kiss me, but I'm sure I initiated it.

Whatever it is she obviously doesn't want to talk about it right now, maybe she just needs to get her head around it. Although it can't be all that much of a shock, I've been giving her signals for weeks. Trying to gauge her reactions, and I'm damn sure she's been flirting right back.

Well, there's nothing I can do right now, so I guess I'll just have to be patient, not a virtue of mine but I don't have a choice. I'll pull her aside at work if I get the chance and talk to her about it.

I got to work early tonight hoping to catch Sara and I'm pleasantly surprised when she pops her head into the break room where I'd been waiting and asks if she can talk to me.

I tell her to come to my office and we walk there in silence. I can't wait to get her alone again; all I've been able to think about all day is kissing her, having her amazing mouth on mine again.

I close the door behind us as we enter my office and close the blinds to, giving us as much privacy as possible.

"Hey gorgeous." I say walking towards her; need to kiss her now.

"Erm, Hi." She replies. She looks panicked again so I stop walking towards her.

I'm getting a bit of an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach about this. Maybe it's a different issue she's having, maybe she doesn't want this and I've just made a total ass out of myself.

"What's up?" I ask her.

"I just wanted to apologize for this morning, I shouldn't have done that. I'm really sorry. I hope it's not going to be uncomfortable for us to work together now?"

What the hell is she talking about?

"It's okay Sara, you don't have to apologize, you didn't do anything. It was me and I very much wanted you to kiss me." And I want her to do it again.

"I know and that's why I'm sorry."

Now I'm really confused.

"I don't understand."

"I know we've been doing this flirting thing for weeks but I only got that you actually meant it when we kissed. And that's why I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I don't have feelings for you like that, that's why I shouldn't have kissed you. I shouldn't have given you the impression I was interested in that type of relationship with you."

I'm totally lost for words, the way she kissed me I was sure she felt something, how could she not have? Why in the hell did she kiss me back then?

I break the awkward silence with a question. "Can I ask why you kissed me back? I mean I know I initiated the kiss but the way you kissed me back I was sure..." I trail off, I think I'll just leave that there; I don't want to make an even bigger ass out of myself.

"I...I don't want to talk about it, it doesn't matter. I just wanted to apologize. Hopefully we'll be able to forget about it, but If it's going to be awkward then..."

Forget it? How am I supposed to forget that kiss?

"It's fine, thanks for clearing it up." Like hell it is but if she wants it this way, that's the way she'll have it. My ego is a little bruised right now so I'm not in the mood to argue with her.

"Okay, good, well I'm gonna get to work. See you later." She practically runs out of my office as she finishes talking.

I sit at my desk going over our conversation and I just can't make sense of it. I know she felt something in that kiss, you don't pin someone and kiss them like that just to not hurt their feelings with rejection. A short kiss maybe but the intensity of her kiss left me breathless and I can't believe she felt nothing at all. She wouldn't even tell me why she kissed my back in the first place, just said she didn't want to talk about it. So there must be something for her to want to keep it to herself.

So maybe it was a spur of the moment thing and after thinking about it she decided it wouldn't be a good idea for us to be involved. That I understand. But if that was it, you'd think she'd have just told me.

I get the feeling there is a whole lot more going on here than she's letting on and I fully intend to get to the bottom of it.

Unfortunately for Sara we get assigned the same case today, I'm more than happy though. I want to know how she's going to act around me now.

The drive to the scene is perfectly fine; we make small talk and act as if nothing happened, just as she wants.

Once we're there she's all business. That's one of the reasons I love working with her. Her world narrows to just the scene and I get to watch her working the evidence, looking for anything at all that could be a clue, anything at all that looks to be out of place. You can almost hear that amazing mind of hers working away trying to solve the puzzle.

Once we have everything back at the lab she's just as meticulous. Checking and rechecking things to make sure she's right, to make sure she hasn't missed anything. What I wouldn't give to have her focus all that attention on me.

She did seem a little distracted tonight though, but that's understandable.

While we were processing the vics house I couldn't help but notice her as she raked her eyes over me. She didn't realise I was standing right by a mirror. I watched her eyes trail down my back and linger on my backside before continuing down my legs. When she lifted her eyes and saw my slightly puzzled expression reflected back at her she blushed a shocking shade of red and left the room.

That wasn't the only time I saw her checking me out either. Not that I minded, the hunger in her eyes was having a very pleasant affect on my body.

Okay, so we kiss, then tells me she's not interested and then ogles me practically all night. I can't make head or tail of what's going on here.

I'm standing by my locker after shift collecting my stuff ready to head home when she walks in. I want to ask her about today but I think it's best I sort through my own confusion first, actually think of something to say.

"Hey Cath, you want to grab breakfast?"

Being around her right now isn't a good idea, I'm confused enough. "I can't, I'm having breakfast with Lindsey before school."

"Okay, maybe some other time."

"Yeah." I reply.

"I'll see you tonight then." Her eyes have been flicking from my eyes to my mouth for the past few seconds and it's starting to affect me. This would be a lot easier if I'd never kissed her, that way I wouldn't know what I was missing.

"Yeah, I'll see you later." Is my absent minded reply.

I'm twice as confused now as I was before.

Things continue like this for days, one minute she's acting normal, next she's flirting with me and checking me out constantly, and then she starts pushing me away. It's baffling to say the least.

I decided to talk to her about it today; I hope we can sort it out because the constant state of confusion isn't good for my sanity.

I paged her a few minutes ago and I'm waiting for her in my office now. I know work isn't the best place for this but I doubt she'd come to my place. Which is probably for the best, time alone with her is a strange experience these days. Depending on what mood she's in and I didn't want to go anywhere public in case she reacts badly.

"Hey Cat, what's up?" She asks placing a hand on my shoulder.

I jump about three feet in the air. I'd got up after paging her to put a file away and had stood like an idiot by the filing cabinet lost in thought. So I didn't even hear Sara come in.

"I didn't mean to startle you, you okay?"

"Yeah sorry, I'm fine, I was just thinking."

"Want to talk about it?"

"I was thinking about you actually." I figure I won't mess around, there's enough of that going on.

She smiles at me before replying and I feel my stomach flip, I adore her smile. "Nothing bad I hope?"

"I'm not sure." I'm not sure of much when it comes to her these days her.

She hadn't moved her hand from my shoulder and I watch mesmerised as it slowly makes its way down my arm, brushing the back of my hand before retreating, leaving goose bumps in its wake.

"I don't like the sound of that, what do I have to do to fix it?" The little smirk I'm graced with once she finishes talking it sexy as hell and I want to kiss her already.

She has however, managed to totally and utterly baffle me with her actions yet again.

All I can think is 'what the hell?' That and my body has now decided to react to her closeness; well just great.

Since I can't find the words I decide a little action is in order. That and I really want to, although I know I shouldn't; I close the distance between us and bring our lips together. Showing her exactly what's on my mind.

Kissing her is just as amazing as I remember; it's so very intense, just like everything else about her. She brings her hands up to my hips and pulls me closer as her tongue makes its way into my mouth. I want so much to slide my hands through her hair but I don't want to break the moment, I'm enjoying this far too much.

I can't help gasp as she gently bites my bottom lip, god that felt good. My body starts screaming for more almost immediately, telling me just how much it enjoys her ministrations.

She groans into our kiss and I can't help whimper in response. She's so good at this.

Unfortunately for me the noise seems to bring her back to reality and she immediately jumps back from me. Damn.

She looks just as panicked as she did last time this happened and I need to do something quick, before she runs again.

I grab her arm just as she looks like she's about to bolt.

"Sara please don't run, talk to me."

She doesn't answer me, god am I confused. I've never in my whole life had someone react like this to a simple kiss.

"Please, just talk to me; I want to understand what's up."

"Catherine...I...That shouldn't have happened. I need to go."

"I don't understand. Why shouldn't it have happened?" I know she enjoyed the kiss. That much was plainly obvious, so I don't understand what's going on with her.

"I'm not gay."

"I never said you were. I'm not either." What's that got to do with this?

"I don't want to get into this; I've already told you I don't want a relationship with you, or any other woman for that matter. I'm straight okay."

"Then how can you kiss me like that?" If that's how she kisses me when she doesn't want to, god help me if she meant it.

"I don't know, it just happened."

"For the second time."

"Okay so it shouldn't have happened again. Can we please just drop it?"

"Sara I don't want to drop it. There's obviously something going on here, something between us and I think we should work it out, whatever it is."

She pulls her arm from my grip and takes a few steps back. "There's nothing going on. There never was. There never will be. I'm sorry if I gave you any other impression but I'm not attracted to you and I'm not gay. I can't be."

"You can't be?" What the hell does she mean by that?

I don't get an answer thought because she turns and leaves.

"Damn it!" I say into my now empty office.

***

I didn't sleep much after work; I couldn't stop thinking about Sara. Thankfully tomorrow is my day off, I'm glad because I need some time to think, to try to understand what the hell is going on with her and being around her won't help with that. I'll just stay the hell away from her tonight.

She can deny it till she's blue in the face but I know she's attracted to me. If the way she looks at me wasn't a give away, the way she kissed me sure as hell was.

I wish she'd open up, talk to me. I just want to understand why she's fighting this so hard, why she's pushing me away then kissing me. To say I'm getting mixed signals is an understatement.

Well so much for staying away from her tonight, we're assigned the same case, and what's worse is it's miles out of town, so I'm going to be stuck in a car with her for hours on the way. Fan-freaking-tastic.

You could cut the atmosphere in the car with a knife on the way to our scene and I'm just about to try some small talk when the engine decides to start smoking. I don't believe this. Note to self; get a better engineer, one that actually fixes the car.

I pull over and Sara jumps out, telling me to open the hood. A few minutes later she gets back in the car and tells me to call the lab, have them send a tow truck out.

"They said it's going to be at least an hour. Do you know what's up with it?"

"Yeah, I could probably fix it if I had the tools."

I'm tempted to ask her what's up, just to keep the conversation going but cars aren't my strong suit so I'd probably have no idea what she was on about.

We sit in silence for about twenty minutes until I can't stand it, I have to say something.

"So this is how it's going to be from now on? We're not even going to talk to each other?"

"What's to say?" She shrugs. Right, so we're back to pushing me away.

"Anything would be preferable to sitting here in uncomfortable silence."

"I didn't find it uncomfortable."

"Do you have to deny everything?" I'm so sick to death of this.

"I haven't denied anything; you just seem to think I have." She hasn't looked at me since she started talking and I'm beginning to get annoyed with her.

"Right, because this is all my fault. You had nothing at all to do with it, sorry." We're not talking about the uncomfortable silence any more and she knows it, she's just decided not to acknowledge it, as usual.

"Thank you, I'm glad you noticed, apology accepted." Oh she is so asking for it now.

"You know what, screw this, and screw you. My apologies for trying to have a conversation with you, I won't waste my breath in future. You want to be a stubborn ass then don't let me get in your way."

I turn to get out of the car; I haven't got the energy for this right now. Her hand on my shoulder stops me. I don't turn to face her; if she wants me to stay; she's going to have to ask.

"Don't, please stay." I barely hear her request her voice is so low, but I turn back.

"Why? I'm sick of this, I don't need to be arguing with you all the time, I thought we were past that and quite frankly, it's getting old."

"I know. I want to apologize; I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I just get defensive sometimes. I want to talk to you but I just can't help the way I react sometimes."

"What do you want to talk about?" I ask tentatively, I know what we need to talk about, but I don't want to push her, not when she's starting to open up.

"I want to sort this thing between us out."

"Do you think we could talk about what's been happening between us? Without arguing or running that is?" I hope she says yes, because there's very little point to having this conversation otherwise.

"I can't promise, but I'll try." Thank god.

I figure I'll start; we might be a while if I wait for her. "I've been so confused by how you've been acting, one minute you're all flirty, next you're acting like you can't stand to be around me, then there's the kissing."

"I've apologized for that."

"But why? Don't even attempt to insult my intelligence and tell me you didn't enjoy it."

"That's not the point, it should never have happened."

I don't think I'll ever understand this woman.

"Why? Because you're not attracted to me right? I have to say you do a good impression of someone who is."

She sighs at my words and shakes her head. "You need to understand some things. My life hasn't been that great, it's always been one complication after another and I've always ended up with the shitty end of the stick. That is until I came to Vegas, I finally managed to settle down. I love my job, I love the people I work with and I feel like I fit in somewhere, like I actually belong, you have no idea what that means to me. So I won't do anything to jeopardise that."

"And admitting you're attracted to me would jeopardise that how?" Jesus you'd think I'd proposed to her or something.

"Because there would be complications, being gay in our line of work isn't seen as being a good thing, that and I'm not gay, how many times to I have to say it?"

Who is she trying to convince here? Me or herself?

"So you are attracted to me?" I can't let her get away with not answering that.

She has some valid points, but I fail to see why she can't even admit to herself that she's attracted to women, it doesn't have to mean she's gay. I'm not gay, I'm Bi. And while I keep it quiet, for a few of the reasons she's stated; at least I'm honest with myself.

She grins and shakes her head again. "You never give up do you?"

"Never. And you still haven't answered the question."

"It doesn't matter Catherine, whether I am or not is irrelevant. Nothing is going to happen."

"Just for the record, I'm attracted to you. Very much so." I figure at least one of us should have the guts to say it.

I know my feelings for her go way beyond physical attraction but I don't want to overwhelm her with that. Especially not right now.

"I..."

Whatever she was going to say is cut off by the arrival of the tow truck. Well shit; bad timing much.

Still at least we managed to clear the air a little. And if nothing else, our little conversation has shown me that Sara Sidle has a first class, grade A, super sized case of denial.

I can deal with that, I know she's attracted to me, and so does she. And if there's one thing I'm good at, it's not giving up, especially not when I want something as much as I want her.

As I sit in the car and watch her talking to the repair guy I make a decision, I will get her to be honest, even if it's just with herself. I'm determined to, even if nothing ever happens between us.

She doesn't realise this; but she hasn't got a hope in hell.

***

It's been almost two months since we spoke in the car and things seem to be going okay. I decided to take the softly, softly approach. I get the feeling my usual 'take no prisoners' attitude wouldn't go down very well, she'd feel pressured and backed into a corner. Then she'd lash out, taking us right back to square one.

I still flirt with her, nothing full on, just enough so she doesn't forget I'm interested. It's extremely frustrating though, I want her so much. I feel the overwhelming need to be around her, spend time with her, comfort her, support her and there's no way I can help the way by body reacts to her, even when I try.

I told her a few days ago that she needs to start going after the things she wants, at first she probably thought I was talking about pursuing a relationship with me, but that's only part of the reason. I want her happy, if it's nothing to do with me then so be it. But that will never happen if she keeps denying herself things in case of 'complications'.

I for one think life would be boring as hell without at least the odd complication.

We're having breakfast together this morning. She usually invites one of the guys along when I ask her to breakfast, probably thinks I'm going to jump her if we're alone. I think it's adorable and I'm surprised to find her alone at our usual booth when I walk into the diner.

"Hey Cat, I ordered your usual, hope that's okay?" She says as I slide in next to her.

"Hey, that's great thanks. But what's this, no chaperone today?" I can't help teasing her a little.

"Chaperone?" She asks, looking a little confused.

"Come on woman, you know exactly what I'm on about, this is the first time in weeks you've let yourself be alone with me outside work." I watch as her expression changes, she tries to hide the blush by lowering her head, the blush is cute, the reaction isn't, and I don't want her to think I'm bothered by this.

"Hey, I was just playing; you know I didn't mean anything by it."

"Yeah I know." She replies lifting her head to meet my eyes. "But it's true."

Well wow, ladies and gentlemen I do believe that's a break through, honesty.

I want to ask her why, why she didn't want to be alone with me? Why she does now? Why she's decided to be honest right now? But I don't want her to immediately clam up. I'll just have to let her set the pace.

"That's okay, you obviously had a reason." I just hope she tells me what it is.

"Yeah I did. I wanted to talk to you today though."

"Okay, what's on your mind? I won't push her, whatever this is it has to be her call.

"Okay. Well to start with I think I owe you an apology." She says tentatively.

I don't reply, just nod for her to continue.

"I've been thinking a lot about what happened between us and I was out of line. You we're honest with me from the beginning and all I've done is mess you about and act like an idiot. And all because I couldn't admit to myself that I was attracted to you."

Oh my god, I think my heart actually misses a beat. I knew she was but I wasn't prepared for how elated I would feel when I actually heard her say it.

"Thank you?"

"Thank me? What for?"

"For having the courage to bring this to me, for being honest, it can't have been easy."

She laughs a little and shakes her head. "No, it wasn't."

"So what does this mean?" I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, this is a massive step for her but I'm having a hard time holding my emotions in check. The woman I've wanted for months has just admitted to being attracted to me.

"Does it have to mean anything? I haven't changed my mind about anything else, I just wanted to apologize."

Well great, right back to the pushing, I have no idea why I even begin to let myself think it would be different. I don't think I've ever met anyone so exasperating

"No, it doesn't have to mean a damn thing. I just wrongfully assumed you might like to go on a date or something, you know the normal things people do when they're attracted to someone and they know it's mutual." I say flatly. The elation I had been feeling quickly turning into disappointment.

"Look, I'm sorry okay, but it's not easy for me. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize our friendship, my relationship history isn't exactly good and if it didn't work out things could be awkward."

"The operative word there being 'could'. If it didn't work out we could just as easily act like adults about it. The thing is we'll never know if it'll work out or not if we don't even try. The big difference here is I think you're very much worth taking that chance for." Okay so much for not overwhelming her. I just couldn't help it though. It seems she takes two steps forward and one back, dragging my emotions along for the ride. "And in case you didn't notice I don't have the greatest track record as far as relationships go, but I'm still willing to try."

"Not everyone finds it as easy to take that chance, and I didn't say you weren't worth it, I said I can't take the chance."

"They mean exactly the same thing Sara." I'm thankful for the fact I've managed to keep my frustration out of my voice. I feel the need to not show her how much she's getting to me.

"I..."

I don't give her the chance to finish whatever she was going to say; instead I lean forward and kiss her. This seems to be becoming a habit for me.

I keep it short; I have a point to make here. Still, I can't resist biting her bottom lip lightly before pulling back.

I open my eyes to find hers still closed. "You feel that Sara?"

She opens her eyes and goes to speak.

"And don't even attempt to lie to me right now." I need to make that very clear.

She regards me for a second before nodding. Yes!

"That feeling right there is worth taking a chance on, it's worth fighting for. So when we kiss and you don't feel a thing, and I'm not talking physical, that's when I'll give up." I stand as I finish talking, I think I've made my point and now I'm going to leave her to think it through.

"I'll see you at work." I turn and leave her looking seriously stunned.

As I'm driving home I realise I could have just made a huge mistake. While I'm pretty sure this goes beyond physical for her too, there's still that nagging doubt in the back of my mind.

Still, I told her she's worth taking a chance on, I put myself out there. And I fully intend to show her I mean business.

***

I arrive at work tonight full of trepidation, having no idea whatsoever how she's going to react to me, or how I'll react to her for that matter. I pretty much put it all on the line this morning and I just pray to god it doesn't backfire.

I get to the break room to find Grissom waiting for me; he tells me Warrick is already at our scene so I need to go. I try to stall as long as I can, hoping to catch her but she doesn't show.

I'm tempted to ask if he knows where she is but I don't want him to start asking questions. So I resign myself to waiting till later for whatever her reaction will be.

Six hours later I'm back at the lab with a ton of evidence and thankfully for us, a suspect. Warrick is interviewing him with Brass so I head to find a free lab to get started. I have some hair samples I want Greg to try to get some DNA from but he's not in his lab.

A quick search finds him and Sara in the break room laughing over something, Sara has that cute blush gracing her features again, only this time she's laughing.

As I enter the room my stomach clenches in nervousness, I guess I'm about to find out how she'll react.

"Hey you two, what's so funny?"

Her face immediately changes, gone is the laughter, instead it's replaced by slight panic. I find it strange that panic would be her first reaction, but then it seems to be her normal reaction to me lately. I must be way scarier than I think.

"Hey." She says, her voice not giving anything away, although I'm happy to see the panic start to fade in her eyes.

"Hey Cath, you'll never guess who asked our girl here out."

I feel my stomach drop at his words, please god let this be a 'he got really embarrassed when she said no' story.

"Greg..." She warns him.

"What, it's only Catherine. That new detective, what's his name again?"

"James." I offer. He started a few weeks back; He's working with Jim for a few months to get some experience. He's not bad looking but he didn't strike me as her type.

"That's it, James. So I was just enquiring what he has that I don't, since I could never get her to agree to a date with me."

"You said yes?" I'm trying hard to keep the hurt from my voice here, but my expression must be giving me away.

"Yes." She replies looking anywhere but at me. I don't think I can deal with this.

"Good for you." I say in pure reaction. I need to get out of here, get away from her. "Well I hate to break up the fun but I have some stuff for you Greg, so come on." I say as quickly as I possibly can, while trying not to give my emotions away.

I don't even look at her as I turn and walk out of the room. A few minutes later, after handing the stuff over to Greg, I'm sitting alone in my office with a million and two emotions running through me.

I want to be pissed off with her, but we were never an item so I can't. I want to strangle him I'm so jealous but it's not his fault. I'm damn annoyed with myself for feeling this way but I honestly thought we were getting somewhere. Oh how wrong was I.

My thoughts are broken by Sara opening my office door. She walks in and closes it behind her but doesn't walk into the room. She seems nervous.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry?" I am so not in the mood for her games right now.

"For what?" I watch as confusion crosses her face but I'll be damned if I'm going to help her out of this one.

"I...Erm...I."

"People tend to have reasons to apologize Sara; they don't just walk into someone's office and say sorry for nothing."

"It's not for nothing; I just felt the need to apologize for Greg telling you I have a date with James."

"What difference does is make who told me? What difference does it make to me who you date? We're not involved remember. How did you put it? We never were and we never will be. So date whoever the hell you want."

"Okay, I can see you're upset, I'll come back later when you've calmed down."

The nerve of her. "Don't bother. And get the hell over yourself."

"What?" That got her attention.

"Do you have any idea how patronizing it is for you to come in here like this? Look, I made it clear to you how I felt, you told me you weren't interested. So you don't need to be justifying anything to me." I seriously can't deal with her right now; I just want her to leave me alone.

"I won't lie and say I'm not upset or that I'm not jealous because that much is obvious. But it's my problem and I'll deal with it."

"Look Catherine I don't want..." I cut her off; right now I have no interest in what she has to say.

"I have work to do if you don't mind. I hope you have a great time on your date. Please shut the door on your way out." As I finish speaking I pick up some paperwork and make it look as if I'm starting work. I keep my gaze firmly on the paper until I hear her walk out. Then I drop the paper and bury my head in my hands.

A few minutes later I look at the clock and see that shift is almost over. I grab my stuff and head to Grissom's office. I don't go in; I just poke my head around the door and tell him I'm leaving early because I don't feel well. I don't even give him chance to answer before I walk away.

I take a deep breath as soon as I'm outside in am attempt to calm myself. It doesn't have much affect so I head straight for my car.

I head for home, not sure if I'll cry, smash something or eat too much ice cream once I get there.

***

The next few weeks kind of went past in a blur; I think I was on auto pilot. I tried to stay away from Sara as much as possible, which isn't easy in our place of work. I tried to be as emotionless as possible when I was around her. It's easier for me that way. James seems totally smitten with her and who can blame him?

They seem to spend a lot of time together and he's constantly popping into the lab to bring her flowers or just to say hi or something equally sickening.

Last week he bought her chocolates and she had to give them to Greg because they weren't vegetarian, for some reason that really annoyed me. He has a chance with this amazing woman and can't even be bothered to remember things like that. I mean, he can't not know, he must have taken her for food. He just didn't bother to remember, or he remembered and didn't bother to check. She deserves better.

I wouldn't forget that, or how she likes her coffee, or what her favourite food is, or her favourite colour, hell I even know which is her favourite lab.

After that I decided to take a day off. I needed time to think.

That was a week ago and I haven't been to work since. I needed to not be around her for a while.

So I took some time off, Gil hasn't even questioned me when I've called in sick. He asks if I'm okay or if there's anything I need but that's it. And I know he's realised I'm not sick, he knows me well enough to know there's something more wrong.

After taking the time out and actually thinking, I realised it's never going to happen between us, no matter how much I'd like it to. Now I just need to deal with it.

I know I'll have to apologize to Sara for the way I spoke to her, but I couldn't help how I reacted right then. In situations like that I usually end up letting my emotions lead me and dealing with any aftermath when my brain has caught up.

I know I have no right to be mad at her, she hasn't done anything wrong. I also know it's time to move on, hence me taking time off work to sort myself out.

I'm brought from my thoughts by a knock on my front door, and I open it to reveal Grissom holding a bag of grapes.

He waves the bag at me. "I know you're not sick, but you do like these so I thought I'd get them anyway."

I smile at his thoughtfulness. "Thank you, come in, can I get you a drink or anything?"

"No thank you, I'm fine. I'd like to talk though."

"Oh, sounds ominous."

"No, I'm just concerned."

"You don't need to be."

"I don't agree."

"Honestly Gil, there's nothing to worry about."

He smiles at me before continuing. "Always doing things the hard way Catherine." Damn I hate that he knows me so well.

"So what, pray tell do you think is the matter?"

"This thing between you and Sara."

What the...How the hell does he know about that?

"I have no idea what you're talking about, what thing?" Denial, great. Because that's always so very helpful.

"Catherine I know people assume that I don't notice many things or that I'm not very attuned to people and emotions. But please, I thought you knew me better than that. I notice."

"Of course I know you better than that; I was going for the denial approach." I think it might do me some good to talk about this.

"Ah, helpful?"

"Nope, so tell me what it is you've noticed."

"That you have feelings for her, that she has feelings for you, but something is holding you both back."

"There's nothing holding me back. I told her how I felt; she says she's not interested."

He smiles at me again, that wry smile of his always amuses me.

"She can be stubborn like that."

"Stubborn! Gil she's not just stubborn, she's exasperating, infuriating and damn annoying as well. She has a new boyfriend in case you missed that."

"I noticed. But you have to know it's you she wants and you can't give up on her."

"Why not? I refuse to keep putting myself out there only to have her reject me. Besides, it was you she wanted not so long ago."

"It never was Catherine, that's why I turned her down when she asked me out. It's always been you. She just doesn't want to admit it, so she convinced herself she wanted me, her heart was never in it though."

"Then what am I supposed to do? I did get her to admit she's attracted to me. But she's insistent she doesn't even want to try and there's only so much I'm prepared to take. I can't keep trying; I have to think of my own feelings."

It suddenly strikes me how strange it is for me to be talking about this with him. He does notice a lot more than people give him credit for, he didn't get to where he is now by missing things.

"I know Catherine and I'm not suggesting you do that, but maybe you should give it one more shot."

"I don't know Gil, I'm not sure I can handle it, I'm not sure I want to."

"I understand, but I know you and I know if you don't you'll regret it. Go to her, tell her this is it, it's the last chance and just see what happens. She wants you. That much is undeniable. You just need to convince her to go for it before it's too late."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Like I said, I notice things. I'm paid to be observant. I see how she is around you. How you get under her skin, how she looks at you. I also see how she struggles with the feelings she has."

"So how come people assume you're so oblivious?" That is a huge misconception people tend to have about him.

"They're not as observant as me." He smiles.

He's right; I have to try something, more importantly I want to. I know I shouldn't but I've never been good at giving up.

"I also happen to know it's her birthday on Saturday, she has the night off, and she also has no plans."

"Are you serious? He's not even taking her out for her birthday?" The loser.

"He may have wanted to but Jim and I think he should work, she didn't seem too bothered." He smiles.

"Oh you're a sly one." I return his smile.

"My team is always my first priority; I want what's best for you both so I had to do something."

"I'm grateful, and somewhat amused that you're playing matchmaker. Now I have two days to come up with a plan."

"I'm sure you'll do fine."

He's right again, I will. But this is it; this is my last attempt if I get the same reaction from her this time around. I'll give up.

***

Well it's Saturday so I guess today is the day. I had every intention of coming up with a plan, rehearsing what I was going to say, but everything I thought of seemed wrong somehow, not to mention fake. So I'm going to go for the 'from the heart' approach.

Grissom gave me till Monday off, telling me I was owed the time anyway. I know I'm not, but I wasn't about to argue.

My sister has Lindsey for the night, we usually spend Saturdays together but she wasn't too bothered because I've been off all week.

So here I am, standing outside Sara's door in a bit of a blind panic, I'm scared witless about what am about to do, what if she's totally uninterested? What if she just shuts the door in my face, not even willing to listen to me?

Well Cath you'll never know if you just stand here looking at the door. So I take a deep breath, calming myself a little then raise my shaky hand and finally knock.

As soon as I actually knock panic starts to set it again. I have no idea why, I chose to come here, I need to do this, nobody is making me, and still, I feel like a fifteen year old.

The door opens and I watch as Sara's eyes widen in shock. I'm the last person she was expecting. I feel the jealousy start to bubble as my brain tells me she probably thought it was him.

"Hi." I offer.

I watch her face to gauge her reactions and am more than happy when the shock fades to be replaced by a smile.

"Hi, I wasn't expecting you." She steps back and opens the door motioning for me to go in.

"You haven't been at work, are you okay? Is everything all right with Lindsey?"

"Everything is fine; I just needed some time to think." I walk over to her sofa and sit down, she doesn't join me, she stands the other side of the table she has, putting some distance between us.

"I erm, I missed you." She says tentatively, looking anywhere but at me as she speaks. I'm the shocked one now; I never thought she'd say anything like that.

"I missed you too." And I did, I hate not being able to spend time with her. I may have taken time off to be away from her for a while but it doesn't mean I liked it. Damn conflicting emotions. The smile I receive for my words takes my breath away. I can't describe how much I adore this woman's smile.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, because I am but how come you came over?"

"Well I wanted to say happy birthday."

"Thank you. Who told you it was my birthday?"

"That would be Grissom. So how come you don't have any plans?" I hope she doesn't take that the wrong way and think I'm asking why she doesn't have plans with James.

"That would be because I hate my birthday, so I go for the wallow into a bowl of ice cream celebration. I hate going out on my birthday." She states.

"How come?"

"The getting older thing kind of grates me." She says with a grin.

"Well I understand that, but still, that's why you go out, to forget the bad parts."

"Catherine?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you really here?"

Well okay, wasn't expecting that. But it saves me having to bring it up, plus I'm hoping her bluntness is a sign that maybe she'll be honest this time.

"As I said, I am glad to see you, but we both know you didn't just come here to wish me happy birthday." She doesn't sound anything but curious as she speaks and I'm grateful for that. I had expected her usual defensiveness.

"I'm that obvious?"

"A little, that and I think we both know we need to talk."

Okay, here goes. "You're right, but this time, if you can't be honest with me, really honest, then tell me now and I'll leave. I did a lot of thinking while I was off and I decided to talk to you about this again. But this is it, this is the last time I try, so if you tell me today that you're not interested, I won't bring it up again. So, can you do that? Can you be honest with me?"

That's it, this is up to her now, I honesty think that if she can agree to that, that's the hardest part over.

She hasn't answered yet and I'm starting to panic again. Everything depends on this right here, she could so easily tell me to go right now.

"I want to be honest; I think I owe it to myself and to you." Oh thank god. I feel all the stress, worry and hurt of the past few weeks start to lift a little at her words.

"Good. You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that." I can't help the huge smile.

She walks around the table and sits the other end of the sofa; her face is deadly serious as she speaks. "Can I ask you some questions?"

"Feel free."

"They're pretty stupid questions considering, but I need to ask."

"Whatever it is I'm sure it's not stupid."

"Are you attracted to me?"

"Very much so."

"Is it just physical?"

"No, it goes way beyond that for me." Her questions aren't stupid at all, this is massive for her so she needs the reassurance, and I completely understand that.

"Thank you, I was pretty certain, I just needed to hear you say it."

I'm about to ask her the same things when she raises her hand to stop me.

"Yes, I'm attracted to you, and yes it's beyond physical, I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes because of it."

I can't believe she's being so blunt right now, I'm immensely grateful for it, but I'll have to ask her where it came from. "Why?"

"Because I've never felt like this before, you're in my head constantly; whatever I do, you're there. I think about you all the time. I wonder what you're doing, hope you're okay, I laugh into empty rooms about something you did the day before. I want to be with you constantly. It's as if I'm being consumed by you sometimes."

I wait till she turns and looks at me before replying. "Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one in that predicament."

There's that smile again. "You weren't the only one who did some thinking. I realised I was sick of lying to myself, sick of pretending I didn't want you."

"What brought all this on?"

"I had a very interesting conversation with Grissom; he made me realise a few things."

I'll have to thank him again, that man never ceases to amaze me.

"The question is Sara; do you want to do anything about it? I know I do, I know I want a relationship with you, I want to at least try."

"I don't know, I think so. I'm scared though."

"Of what?"

I hear her nervous laugh before she continues. "Everything and nothing. What if it doesn't work? What if we do this then you change your mind? What if I do? Then there's work, I'm not so much bothered about what the guys will say; I know they'll be fine. It's everyone else that worries me."

"They're all very natural fears, I have them to. We're not about to promise each other forever, I won't lie, it might not work, either of us could have a change of heart but I think we have to give it a try, we owe it to ourselves. If it doesn't work out we can at least say we tried."

Her eyes lock with mine and her expression is deadly serious as she replies. "I want to take that chance. You're worth it; I'd be a fool if I didn't."

I think I'm about to hyperventilate I'm so ecstatic. She said yes, she actually said yes. She wants me, she actually wants me. I feel the need to jump for joy, to scream at the top of my voice and tell everyone. Instead I just smile at her, figuring I can do the rest when we're not in the middle of a serious conversation.

"Thank you. I honestly never thought I'd head you say that."

"Then there's the...err..."

The blush that crosses her face confuses me a little. I place a hand on her chin and make her look at me.

"Whatever it is Hun there's no need for that, not that you don't look cute when you blush." I joke, trying to lighten the mood a little. "Just tell me."

She nods a little before continuing. "The physical side. I've never been with a woman before. What if I can't please you? What if I don't like it? I mean, I have thought about it...with you. But reality might be a whole different thing. I don't want to disappoint."

If this wasn't something she seemed so worried about I think I'd laugh, was she there for our kisses? These are fears I can easily help her with.

"You couldn't be a disappointment if you tried, so get that right out of your head. You made me pretty much melt with a single kiss, so the thought of you touching me...god it's overwhelming, I have no doubt whatsoever at that you will more than please me, besides I can always teach you." I smirk at her as I say this; I couldn't help teasing her a little.

Her eyes darken a shade and I immediately have to fight the urge to jump her.

"But what if I don't like it?" She's genuinely concerned about this, so I think it's only right that I do something to ease her fears, and that's the excuse I'll stick to.

"Let's do a little experiment okay." I know I shouldn't do this, it's not fair to either of us, but my body seems to be overriding my brain right about now.

She looks a little apprehensive. "I didn't mean that type of experiment woman; I'm not going to jump you just yet." I laugh, thankfully she smiles and nods. Although I hope that in a minute or two she'll be wishing I had meant that.

"Okay sit back and get comfy."

She does as I ask and I move to sit at her side, as close as I can without touching her.

"Close your eyes for me."

She nods and closes her eyes. I know it's evil to do this but I can't resist, plus it'll show her she'll be fine with the physical side of things. At least I hope it will. This could always backfire. Okay, don't think about that right now.

"Just relax okay."

I watch as she takes a few deep breaths and she starts to relax. Okay, time to turn up the heat a little.

"I want you to think about when we kissed, really concentrate, until you're feeling exactly what you felt when we kissed. You have it?"

She nods.

"Now imagine I'm kissing you right now, I'm not sitting next to you, I'm straddling you, my hands buried in your hair, your hands are on my hips as I tease your tongue with mine."

Her breath hitches and mine does too. I'm beginning to wonder if this is for my benefit or hers.

"Imagine me using my hands to pull your head back as I move my mouth to your neck, kissing and gently sucking my way down. Sucking harder once I reach here." I can't help bringing my hand up to her neck, running a finger over her pulse point, showing her where I mean.

"I wouldn't be able to help moaning as your hands started moving, sliding under my top, caressing my sides before moving around to my stomach, teasing the skin on your way upward. I've wanted your touch for so long and it feels so good." I gasp. Fully imagining her touch as I speak.

The images my own words are giving me are seriously affecting me now, I'm almost sorry I started this. Her breathing is shallow now and her head is thrown back a little, she looks so damn sexy.

"I'd slide my hands from your hair, needing to touch you, my hands would move down to caress your neck, then to your chest, then lower still till I finally reach your perfect..."

"Oh Christ." She cuts me off, and turns her head so our mouths are centimetres apart, I'll have to kiss her very soon.

"Catherine" She whisper against my lips then closes the distance between us.

She tries to turn herself towards me but I don't want that, so I push myself up and swing a leg over hers. It's a moment right out of my fantasies as I settle myself, straddling her and she immediately pulls me closer. I sigh into our kiss as our bodies press together then whimper as her hands slide around to my backside.

Her mouth opens to me slowly and her groan of appreciation as our tongues meet sends shivers down my spine.

I do something else I've always wanted to and slide my hands into her hair, pulling her head back gently I end our kiss and wait for her to open her eyes. As soon as she makes eye contact I lower my mouth to her neck, loving how her breath hitches and her grip tightens when I gently bite down on her pulse point.

I know I need to stop soon else our first time will be right here and now and I don't want that, I want it to be special for her.

So I reluctantly pull my mouth away from her very tempting flesh and regret it immediately.

I keep my eyes closed as I try to get my breathing back under control.

I hear her laboured breaths and open my eyes to see her flushed face, I try to ignore the lust shining in her eyes.

"Can I assume your fears have been eased a little?" I need to do something before I kiss her again, so I try talking.

"I think that's safe to say." She smiles. "Although I have an entirely different predicament now."

I laugh in response. I'm so relieved at her reaction, it's the first time ever she hasn't bolted after we've kissed. I think there was a nagging doubt in the back of my mind about that.

I move myself to the side of her again, not that I want to, I just need to put a little distance between us before I let my hormones take over. Her pout at my actions is so cute.

"Don't pout woman, our first time isn't going to be in a hormonal rush on your sofa, which would have been the case had I stayed where I was."

"I know, doesn't mean I have to like it, I was comfortable."

"Me too." I was loathed to move but I do have one more question to ask her.

"Sara I need to know something." As much as I'm enjoying this banter, I need to ask her about James, I won't do this if she's seeing someone else too.

"What's up?"

"What about James? I have to be honest here; I'm not willing to share you." That and I think I'd have to kill him if he even tried to touch her.

"You have nothing at all to worry about. I ended it with him a few days ago. After I spoke to Grissom I decided to try and talk to you. And there's no way I'd do that if there was anyone else involved, in case anything did develop between us. That and all I could think about when I was with him was you. How much I wished it was you I was with and not him."

"Thank god for that, I may have had to hire a hit-man otherwise." I joke, and release the breath I'd been holding since I asked her.

"He didn't stand a chance, it's always been you, I just never had the courage to admit it before."

"I'm just glad you finally have." I think we've had enough seriousness for now, obviously we need to do some more talking but it can wait. So let's lighten the mood a little

"So about this birthday thing, I get that you don't want to go out but how about you come over to my place for dinner, I may even cook. That way you can celebrate without technically going out."

"I'd love to." She beams at me and I can't help but kiss her again.

***

I came back from Sara's an hour or so ago, although I did have to drag myself away. Her kisses and gentle touches were driving me crazy, it was as if now she's admitted there's something between us she couldn't stop touching me, not that I had any complaints at all.

I had to leave though, I was very close to losing control, plus I promised her food. I had no idea what to make her so I settled for vegetable pasta and salad, simple and quick, and if she doesn't like it we can always order in. Once I've finished the food I jump into a quick shower and then sit around impatiently waiting for her.

She should be here any minute and I can't wait to see her. I've had a ridiculous grin plastered across my face since I left her apartment before.

I can't believe this is actually happening between us, finally after so many months of set backs.

I practically float to the door when I hear a knock and my grin gets bigger at the mere sight of her.

She takes a step in and I'm just about to say hello when my lips are otherwise engaged.

"Mmm, well hello to you too." I offer when she pulls back.

"I've wanted to do that since you left my apartment."

"Are you coming inside? Or were you just going to stand in my doorway kissing me all night." I joke, needing to do something to stop myself dragging her to the bedroom right now.

She smirks and walks in. "If I come in, there will be more kissing right? Because if not I'm happy with the doorway."

"Oh there will be kissing." And a lot more if she keeps this up. "See?" I lean in and give her a quick kiss to prove my point.

"In that case, lead the way."

She follows me through the living room into the kitchen and stands next to me, leaning against the counter as I make us a drink.

"I made vegetable pasta and salad, I hope that's okay? You're pretty much the only vegetarian I know so I wasn't sure what to make. You eat eggs right? It's egg pasta." I didn't think about that till right now.

"That sounds great, and yes eggs are fine."

"You'll have to show me the things you like."

I watch her eyebrow shoot up and realise the double meaning there.

"I meant food, gutter brain." I slap her arm lightly and laugh. "I meant you'll have to show me what foods you like, tell me what you do and don't eat, it'll be easier for when I cook for you." Not that I have any objections at all to her showing me the things she likes in an entirely different setting, not if the tingle running down my spine at the thought of it is anything to go by.

"You don't have to cook for me Catherine."

"Don't get me wrong, I don't intended to make it a habit, the kitchen isn't my favourite place to be, but I would like to cook for you sometimes, although I fully expect the favour to be returned." I laugh.

"You have a deal, now where is this food? I'm starved."

As we chat and joke over dinner I can't help juxtapose this Sara with the Sara who bolted from my office after a simple kiss. The change in just a few months is phenomenal; she seems a lot more open and care free. I have to say I love it. And not just because whatever has brought this on made her decide to be with me, but because I truly love seeing her happy like this.

"I still can't get over Grissom playing match maker."

After dinner we moved to the living room and have just sat here talking for the past hour.

"I know, we should buy him a new bug or something." She laughs.

She moves from her position to sit up, she had been lying with her head in my lap and I'd been enjoying running my fingers through her hair.

She replies once she's facing me. "I'm very glad he did though. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to do this."

She smiles before leaning in to capture my lips with her own.

The kiss is slow, her tongue teasing mine, not giving me all the contact I want. So I bring my hand to the back of her head and pull her deeper into the kiss. Groaning in delight when her tongue finally starts moving against mine.

I pull back when oxygen becomes an issue. "You are far too good at that." I state.

She doesn't reply, she just leans back in and I'm sure as hell not about to complain.

A few minutes later her kisses move to my neck and she pushes forward so I end up lying back with her above me. I can't help gasp at the feel of her body pressed into mine; I've wanted to be right here for months.

She's lightly sucking my neck and my hand is still in her hair holding her to me as my head falls back, giving her more skin to explore. I feel one of her hands make its way under my top, oh so gently stroking the skin of my stomach and I know I need to stop this.

I pull her mouth back to mine and as I kiss her I push us back up into a sitting position. Once there I pull back and place a hand over the one she has under my top, stilling its exploration.

"We need to stop." I manage to say. Although I still don't have my breathing under control.

"Why? Did I do something wrong? Don't you want to?" She asks, her voice full of concern.

How can she think that? Did she not see how my body reacted to her kisses?

"God, yes I want to, so much I ache, and you didn't do a thing wrong, but I know this will be your first time and I don't want you to rush into it if you're not ready. I want us to wait until we're both sure."

She chuckles before replying "Did I seem like I wasn't ready? I don't think it's rushing, our first kiss was months ago."

"I know but..."

"Seriously. I want you, and I want this. I've wanted this since you first kissed me; I was just too stubborn and afraid to admit it. I think we've both waited long enough; we've wasted so much time as it is. I don't want to wait any more. I wouldn't do this if I wasn't sure."

The utter seriousness in her tone leaves no doubt in my mind about her being ready. Maybe I should protest a little harder, but I want this too. So I simply nod my acquiescence as she lowers her mouth back to my neck making me wonder why it was that I stopped her in the first place.

I stop her once more but this time it's to pull her up. "Not here." I say, gesturing towards the sofa.

She takes my hand as I lead her to my bedroom.

***

I didn't think I'd be this nervous, but as we enter my bedroom I am overcome with the enormity of being her first, it makes me all the more nervous. I want so much for this to be special for her that I'm starting to worry.

"You look as nervous as I feel." She jokes.

"I am nervous; I want this to be perfect for you."

She brings her hand up to cup my face, holding my eyes with her own. "It will be special; it will be everything I want, simply because it's you. Understand?"

I let the meaning behind her words wash over me, let them calm my raging nerves; I'm comforted by her confidence in me. I nod my reply for fear my voice would break if I tried to use it.

"Any time you want me to stop, anything at all you're not comfortable with, tell me, okay?

"I will, now kiss me please." She grins.

I smile at her impatience and bring our lips together.

I kiss her slowly, revelling in the feel of her lips on mine; her impatience once again gets the better of her as she uses her tongue to deepen the kiss, groaning as I slowly tease her tongue with mine.

I can feel the passion she's so desperately wants to give in to but thankfully she's letting me set the pace, and I refuse to be rushed. I've wanted her for so long; I am going to take my time.

I move us backwards, once I feel the back of my legs hit the bed I pull back from our kiss. Her clothes just have to go.

I take her hands and move them above her head, her arms outstretched, then slowly run my fingers back down her arms and sides. Listening as her breath hitches when I grab the bottom of her top and travel back up. Dropping it to the floor as soon as it's free of her hands.

Her hands fall to my top, and she starts undoing the buttons. I'm barely paying attention though, I'm mesmerised by the newly revealed skin. I've always found women's midriffs incredibly sexy, I couldn't count the amount of times I've fantasised about trailing kisses over hers. So this unrestricted view of her perfect stomach is testing my already weak resolve.

My focus returns to her when I hear her gasp.

"You're so beautiful." She whispers.

It's only then that I notice she's removed my top and bra.

I take my time removing the rest of her clothes and she distracts me often with her kisses and tentative touches. I'm left breathless by the sight of her naked, she is truly stunning.

Once there's no more barriers between us I gently push her back onto the bed. When I lower myself onto her I gasp and bury my head into her neck, momentarily overwhelmed by the feel of her beneath me like this.

When I manage to regain some composure I move to make eye contact with her, the arousal held in those chocolate orbs threatens to be my undoing.

She lifts her hand to the back of my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. Her hands start roaming down my back, around my sides and to my front, sliding upward until she cups my breast, I arch into her, moaning low in my throat at the sensation.

"Sara." I gasp, stilling her hands once more and placing them above her head.

"I can hardly breathe when you touch me like that, and I want to do this for you, please."

I don't wait for her reply, just lower my lips to hers.

She doesn't keep her hands above her head; instead she tangles them in my hair, holding me to her.

I move my mouth to her neck, kissing and nipping my way down to her chest. I move slowly so as to take in her reactions to my touches.

When I reach her breasts I take my time placing kisses everywhere but where she most wants me too. She's arching into my kisses and I know I won't be able to hold back much longer.

I give in to her breathy pleas and take one of her nipples into my mouth, laving attention on it with my tongue. Her back arches and she moans my name low in her throat as I softly bite down on it. The feel of her arching and begging for my touch is so arousing; I can't wait to watch her hips bucking for me.

I lavish attention on her perfect breasts until I feel her trying to push my head downward. I'm fighting against the fire raging through my veins, telling me to tease her, to touch and kiss her gorgeous body until she begs me for release, then take her, hard and fast until she's screaming my name. But I know now isn't the time for that, now is the time to show her how much she means to me.

I make my way lower to her midriff, loving the feel of muscles quivering just under the skin as I kiss my way down. Pausing at her belly button to run my tongue around the adorable indentation. Then place slow deep kisses from one hip bone to the other, the reality of this, the feel of her warm responsive skin under my lips is a thousand times better than any fantasy.

I feel her legs parting slightly, making room for me, and I lower my mouth to the inside of her toned thighs.

"Please Catherine, I need you now." Her whispered words stop my exploration; I need to have her right now.

Placing myself between her parted legs I groan hard at the sight before me.

Finally lowering my mouth to her heat, groaning once more at her taste. The guttural moan that she releases at my first touch drives me wild, the need to please her almost overwhelmingly me.

"Oh god." She cries as I capture her bundle of nerves between my lips and suckle lightly. Her hand has a vice grip in my hair, holding my head firmly in place.

I moan myself when she starts rocking her hips against my mouth. God she is so amazingly sexy. I move my mouth to plunge my tongue inside her for a minute or two. Revelling in the moans my actions earn me before replacing it with my fingers and returning my tongue to the bundle of nerves begging for attention.

She's moaning constantly now and I can't help being proud of myself for getting her into this state.

I speed my fingers up, matching the rhythm she's setting with her hips and run my tongue in circles around her clit, a few seconds later her back arches, her grip in my hair tightens and her body starts shuddering. The sound of my name, coming from her lips right now has to be my new favourite sound. It's incredibly sexy and I want to hear it again and again.

I keep moving my tongue and fingers gently, easing her down until her body settles and she pulls my hair gently.

"Come here, please." She says, her breathing still laboured.

So I kiss my way back up her body to snuggle into her side and wrap my arms around her.

"Are you okay baby? That was fantastic, you looked incredible and sounded...god Sara you sounded so sexy." I can't help ramble a little; it was beyond amazing to finally be with her like that.

Her eyes focus on me a few minutes later. "Wow." She says smiling.

I'm more than a little happy to hear that, and slightly relieved. With the awkwardness the first time with someone brings I'm ecstatic to hear I didn't disappoint her.

"That good hey?" I tease.

"Oh yeah." She smiles. She turns in my embrace and reverses our positions, so I'm on my back and she's at my side, she props her head on her hand and just looks at me.

"What?" I ask after a few minutes.

"Can I touch you?" The sweetness of her simple question blows me away; I've never had someone ask me that before. I don't trust myself to speak so I simply nod.

I watch her as she sweeps her hand across my body, touching every bit of skin she can reach. Her touches are so gentle, almost reverent, yet the intensity of them has me arching and moaning within minutes. She doesn't take her eyes from her hand, she watches it as it caresses my skin and I arch into her.

That is until her hand runs up the inside of my thigh and she turns to look at me, she holds my eyes with her own as her fingers slip into my heat.

I try to hold her gaze but the pleasure is too intense and I moan her name as my eyes flutter closed.

"You feel so good." She whispers.

I want to reply, to tell her she's making me feel so good but as her fingers speed up all I can do is moan once more. It doesn't take long before I'm bucking my hips and moaning in release.

When I come down from my high she's wrapped around me, with a pleased look on her face.

"Was that okay?"

I have to laugh at her question. "You're joking right? It was great."

She smiles and leans in for a quick kiss before resting her head on my shoulder.

"You know what?" She asks, not bothering to lift her head.

"What?"

She laughs before answering. "I think if I did this every year I could very well learn to love my birthday."

***