Title: I Could Never Be Your Woman
Author: zronda
Pairing: Nick/Greg & Warrick/Cath
Rating: PG-13
Note: Inspired by the White Town song "Your Woman"
Summary: Greg is tired of hiding his relationship with Nick .
***
It was an hour before their shift and Nick and Greg were in the middle of the same argument they seemed to have everyday for the past month or so:
"Nick, I don't understand! Are you ashamed of me?! Why can't you just tell them?!," Greg screamed.
Nick had been trying to keep calm, but he was quickly being pushed over his boiling point. "Your right Greg, you don't understand! And I'm beginning to think you never will!"
The argument had to do with whether or not they should tell people about their relationship, more specifically their friends and Nick's family. The whole thing began a little over six months ago when Greg had caught the Texan staring at his ass. It was in the locker room one day after work. Nick had tried to cover it up, but Greg called him on it and they had been dating ever since. For a while everything was going well. The sex was amazing and they had both gotten what they really wanted: each other. But Nick was adamant that he wanted to keep their relationship a secret.
Greg was beginning to think that Nick wasn't just in the closet; he was permanently attached to it somehow. Greg tried to be understanding, he really did. He knew he had it easy with his family. They accepted him immediately and never gave him anything but unconditional support. Nick, however, came from Texas. Land of manly men and until recently anti-sodomy laws. Still, Greg couldn't believe that the Stokes would really disown Nick just because he was gay. They seemed to be a pretty close-knit bunch. And as far as their friends at the lab went, what reason would they have not to accept them? No one had ever shown to have any problems with alternate lifestyles. Greg always thought of them as a family, and very caring, accepting one at that.
It was only recently that all of this had begun to truly bother Greg. At first he put up with it because he loved Nick, but he began to wonder if it was worth it if the man he loved refused to acknowledge their relationship. Only when they were alone did Nick let his guard down. Whenever they were in public Nick would let his fear take over and he barely acted as if he knew Greg, let alone dated him. This hurt Greg the most. He began to feel like Nick's dirty little secret. That's when the fighting began. Greg didn't want to give up his boyfriend so he began pushing Nick to tell people.
The argument in progress was one of their more heated ones. It started when Greg answered Nick's phone while the older man was in the bathroom. The caller turned out to be Nick's mom. The lab tech didn't say anything revealing, just "Nick's phone, Greg speaking, how many I serve you?" Mrs. Stokes laughed and asked if her son was able to speak to his mother. Nick had come back into the living room by that time and Greg handed off the call to him. No big deal, just a friend answering another friend's phone. But once the call ended Nick had blown up, yelling and screaming at Greg. "What the hell were you thinking? That was my mother on the phone. Jesus Christ Greg, I know you're obsessed with outing me, but I never thought you'd go that far!"
Greg's eyes flashed with rage and he clenched his hands into fists. "Fuck you Nick! I can't believe you think that little of me, that you don't trust me to keep your secret. I've been doing it for six months now, though don't ask me why. You treat me like shit unless were alone and I'm tired of it Nicky. I love you, but I can't keep doing this. Especially if your going to be so fucking paranoid. I didn't say anything that would suggest I was more than just a friend answering your phone. I wouldn't do that to you. Besides it isn't my place to tell your family. That would be your overdue job."
Greg was shaking with anger by this point. Nick realized he might have overreacted a bit and began to try and placate Greg. "Baby look I'm sorry, I just…"
Greg was in no mood to let this go. "Don't you dare ‘baby' me Nicholas Stokes!"
Nick winced at the use of his full name. He knew the younger man was furious, "Look Greg, what do you want from me?"
"I want you to tell them. Tell everyone. I don't want to hide this anymore Nick, I can't."
Nick was a little aggravated. Greg knew how he felt about that and he wasn't changing his mind. He sighed, "Greg we've been over this, you know I can't do that."
"Nick, I don't understand! Are you ashamed of me?! Why can't you just tell them?!," Greg screamed.
Nick had been trying to keep calm, but he was quickly being pushed over his boiling point. "Your right Greg, you don't understand! And I'm beginning to think you never will!"
"You know what? I tried to understand. I put up with so much shit from you in the past six months and I let it go because I love you Nick. I love you so much it hurts. And it does Nick; it hurts that you treat me this way. I thought I could deal with it, but I can't. I can't go on like this, not with you." Greg was desperately trying to fight the tears he felt stinging his eyes, trying to work up the courage to say what he was about to say. "This is it Nick. If you can't be open, then it's over. I refuse to be your dirty little secret any longer. You know where to find me if you come to your senses." With that he turned towards the door.
Nick was fuming, "You know what Greg, go. You say you love me, but how can you if you can't even respect my decisions? You knew what you were getting into when we started dating. It's your own fault if you were disappointed."
Greg spun around and said bitterly, "That's right Nicky, it was all my fault. Hey look at it this way, at least you don't have to worry about me outing you anymore." He stormed out of the house, slamming the door in his wake.
Emotions warred inside Nick. On one hand he was heartbroken that the man he loved had just left him. On the other hand, he was beyond anger. It was the fury that quickly won out and overtook the CSI.
What did Greg want from him? He told him that he didn't want people to know he was gay and Greg had agreed. What went wrong? The anger had caused adrenaline to pump through his system and he needed an outlet for his rage. Nick felt a little better once his fist connected with the wall closest to him, leaving a gaping hole. He decided the best thing to do was to get ready for work, anger still boiling below the surface. If this is the way Greg wanted things, then so be it.
When Greg got back to his apartment, he didn't know what to do. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to destroy things. With shaking hands he walked to his computer and put his iTunes on random play, turning the speakers up so no one could hear him. Greg went into a frenzy throwing things around his apartment, tearing apart gifts Nick had given him, screaming various versions of the phrase "Fuck you Nick Stokes!"
Eventually, he collapsed in a corner sobbing with the carcass of a stuffed animal in his hands. He really couldn't understand it, after all these months, how Nick could act like two completely different people. Alone, Nick was sweet and gentle. He lavished Greg with affection and made him feel like they would never be apart. But in public, Nick was a stranger. Greg kept reminding himself that he couldn't live his life only being half acknowledged by the man he loved, no matter how much it hurt inside to walk out on Nick.
If only he could make his closeted boyfriend understand. If only there was a way he could crack the thick shell that seemed to surround Nick's brain on this subject and make the Texan realize what he was doing. Overall, that's why Greg hadn't left Nick earlier. Nick honestly couldn't see what he was doing to Greg and how much it hurt him. Nick's fear always won out in the end, blinding him to the damage he was doing to the younger man. As Greg sat crying and thinking over the whole situation a vaguely familiar song began to blare through the room. It was different from the metal and punk that had chosen by the computer thus far. The beat was sort of dance, but not quite. By the time the chorus began to play Greg was wondering if it was fate that his computer had picked this song. He felt it might be the perfect thing to say to Nick. Maybe the message would hit the older man hard enough to make him come to his senses. It was a long shot, but it couldn't hurt to try. He wiped the tears from his eyes and an idea began to form in his mind. A quick look at his watch told him he had to get ready for work. As Greg cleaned himself up, he burned the song onto a disc, more thankful than ever that he had a CD player in his lab.
***
Nick was put on a case with Warrick and Catherine as soon as shift started. Now he was back at the lab processing evidence. He had been avoiding Greg all night, making excuses not to visit his lab. Of course fate would have it that Nick was analyzing his evidence in a room with a clear view into the DNA lab. He had so far allowed himself only one look at his now ex-boyfriend. Greg was immersed in work with a serious look on his face and music blaring in the background. Nick felt that if Greg could block out his problems and focus on his work, then surely so could he. And that's exactly what he did, which is why it took the Level 3 investigator almost an hour to realize that Greg wasn't just blaring random music from his lab, it was one particular song over and over again. It had just ended and was going for another rotation when Nick started listening. The song was familiar, something from the mid-nineties. When it hit the chorus, Nick began to pale. He immediately recognized the song and he knew Greg was playing it for him. He listened closely as the male singer began the next verse:
As the song ended and began again, Nick stood in his processing room staring straight into the DNA lab like a deer in the headlights with the words of the song echoing in his head. However, Nick didn't even have time to form a coherent thought about the repeating message because a moment later, Catherine walked into his lab, breaking him out of his trance like state. "Hey Nicky, you alright?"
Nick cleared his throat and was trying to fight the urge to panic. "Yeah fine." He quickly looked over at Greg and then to Catherine, hoping she wouldn't notice the detour his eyes made. But Nick had no such luck.
Catherine looked over at the DNA lab. "Poor Greg. He's been playing that song all night. I asked him what was wrong and he just said ‘boy troubles'. I'm guessing it isn't going well with the guy he's been seeing."
Nick's eyes grew as wide as saucers and his voice became strained. " G…Greg told you he was dating a…a guy?"
Catherine looked over at Nick. Seeing the expression on his face made her giggle, "Nicky don't tell me you didn't know? I thought everyone did. Greg's not exactly the type to hide who he is. I think I found out he was bi only a month after he started here. And if he didn't tell you it wasn't hard to figure out. He flirts with anything remotely human and whenever we would all go out for a drink or something he danced with both women and men without any, and I mean any, inhibitions whatsoever. I can't believe you're so shocked."
Nick quickly tried to cover up his initial reaction. "No, no, it's not that. I…uh…I just didn't realize he was seeing someone."
Catherine seemed to buy his explanation. "How could you not? Have you seen him around here in the past few months? Greg has been happier than usual, if that's even possible. There's been such a difference in him. He seems completely content. I even heard him listening to a few sappy songs in the lab one day instead of his usual Marilyn Manson or Black Flag. Although, he has changed in this past month or so, I guess he's been having problems in his relationship. Something bad must have happened since last night because he will not stop with that ‘I could never be your woman' song and he's in a pretty awful mood."
As Nick listened to Catherine, guilt began to set in. It seemed that there were a lot of things he didn't realize about Greg. Once again, before Nick could begin to examine the new feelings he was having, Catherine interrupted with, "Speaking of Greg, I came in here to tell you that the results are in for our samples and I told Warrick to meet us in the lab to get them. Apparently, Greg has something we need to look at."
Nick took a deep breath. He was going to have to face Greg for the first time that night and the defenses he had built up had just been demolished with the words of his strawberry-blond coworker. Catherine looked back at him as she headed for the door, "Coming?"
Nick gave himself a mental pep talk before following Catherine to the DNA lab. Warrick reached the doors at the same time and they all went in together for their results. Greg turned to face them and Nick noticed the younger man's face fall for a second when he locked eyes with him, but Greg quickly returned to the stoic look he had been perfecting the entire shift.
Warrick was the first one to speak, "Hey Sanders. What's with the song? You've been playing it all night. Did you forget your other CD's or something?"
Greg sighed indicating that he'd been answering this question all night. "Look ‘Ric, I just happen to be feeling this particular song at the moment. I'm having guy troubles."
Nick felt like he was going to throw up. He prayed that Greg didn't look at him.
Warrick chuckled, "Well I'm just glad your not feeling Marilyn Manson. I can at least get into this song. So if you don't mind me asking, what happened? Is it that guy you've been seeing?"
Nick almost fainted. His best friend, one of the people he was most afraid to admit his sexuality to, was asking Greg about his "guy problems" in tone that let Nick know Warrick was genuinely concerned. Nick became dizzy. His perception of the world around him was beginning to completely crumble away. He couldn't believe that it could be that easy. It took everything he had to keep his composure.
Greg took a deep breath to steady himself and looked everywhere but Nick. "Yeah it is him. Well it was. I sort of broke up with him earlier. He's the macho, manly man type. Really comfortable in the closet if you know what I mean. We were together for six months and he wouldn't tell his family or friends about me or even that he's gay. He completely ignored me in public. It felt like he was ashamed of me and I just couldn't take it anymore. I told him if he couldn't be open, then it was over between us." Greg could feel tears stinging his eyes and he tried to blink them back.
Catherine saw the moistness in his eyes and pulled him into a hug. "Greg I'm sorry this asshole hurt you so much. You're a wonderful person and you don't deserve to be treated like that. No one does."
Warrick came over and gave him a pat on the back, "Yeah man. Check it out, that guy isn't worth it if he made you feel that bad. You'll find someone else who wants to be with you enough to not hide it."
Greg raised his head and pulled away from Catherine. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and accepted a tissue from Warrick to blow his nose. "Thanks guys. I really appreciate it. I'll be ok. I think I've known that this was coming for a while. Come on, there's something you should see on one of your samples." Greg realized that Warrick and Catherine were staring at Nick and his eyes followed their lead.
Nick had watched the scene in front of him for the past few minutes and was now in a mixed state of shock, guilt, and sadness. Catherine and Warrick had turned to him expecting he would say something to comfort Greg as well. But it was when Greg's eyes finally settled on him that he broke. He mumbled something unintelligible to even himself and ran out of the lab leaving two confused CSI's and one sorrowful lab tech in his wake.
Nick didn't know where he was fleeing to until he found himself in his truck driving away from the lab. When his emotions finally caught up with him, he pulled over into an abandoned parking lot. He slumped over the steering wheel before bursting out into tears, which quickly became guttural sobs. The past six months played back in his mind and he realized just how awful he had been to Greg. He began to see things that his fear, anger, and pride wouldn't let him recognize before. How could he have been so cruel? And to Greg, the person he was supposed to have loved.
Nick realized just how amazing Greg was to have put up with him for so long. Now what would he do? By living in fear, he lost the one person he had ever truly been in love with. The CSI remembered how much he had wanted Greg and how he couldn't believe it when Greg had asked him out. How had he gone from that to treating Greg like dirt? Nick felt completely lost and hopeless. He never thought of himself as a bad person, but the way he had treated Greg made bile rise in his throat.
He sat in his car for over an hour thinking about the past six months, breaking down into tears every so often when a particular bad memory played through his mind. It was then that he remembered Greg's words before he had stormed out, "You know where to find me if you come to your senses."
Maybe there was hope after all. The lyrics of the song he had been subjected to all night came into his head, Oh, G, the last thing I want is a woman. All I ever wanted was you, and I fucked it up. I'll fix this somehow. I'll tell the world about us if that's what it takes to get you back.
Nick knew he had to do something big to show Greg and everyone else in the lab just how much the younger man meant to him. Finally, he came up with a plan and he just prayed that it wasn't too late. As he drove back to the lab, he tried to come up with the perfect words to say to Greg. Before he went inside, he flipped through his CD case. Nick found the disc he was looking for, locked his truck, and made his way to his destination: Greg's lab. The whole way there he kept a tight grip on the CD and held a determined look on his face. Nick acted like he had blinders on, seeing nothing but the path that led towards his goal. This meant he didn't notice that Catherine and Warrick had seen him as he walked through the halls and were now following him, wondering why he was acting so strange.
Nick stopped outside the DNA lab, taking in the scene in front of him. Greg was in the middle of processing samples and seemed to be in his own world. Nick carefully pushed the door open so as to not make any sound. The music masked his footsteps as he made his way to the CD player. As soon as he opened the lid, the music stopped, and Greg whipped his head around. "What the hell do you think you're doing Stokes?"
The look on Greg's face was far from pleasant. Nick expected Greg to be mad at him, but hopefully it would fade once his plan was in action. He didn't answer. Instead, Nick ignored Greg and slipped his own CD into the player. Greg got up and walked next to him, "I said, what do you think your doing?" he hissed.
Nick set the number of the song he wanted and pressed play. He looked straight into Greg's eyes and held out his hand, "Dance with me?"
Greg was dumbfounded. That was the last thing he expected Nick to say. When the music started his eyes widened and disbelief crossed his features. Greg recognized the Otis Redding song instantly.
Greg looked at Nick's hand and then at his face. He was too stunned to speak or even move. So he didn't resist when the older pulled him into an embrace. "I'm so, so sorry baby. I can't believe I treated you so badly. Please forgive me; I'll do anything to make it right. I can't live without you G and I don't care who knows about us. I love you." Nick was sobbing as he held him tight.
It took a minute before everything began to sink in for Greg. He couldn't believe what was happening. Had his plan had actually worked? Nick was holding him in the lab and confessing his love in front of anyone who happened to walk by. Greg knew that something must have finally gotten through to Nick and now the Texan could see how much he had hurt his boyfriend.
Greg lifted his arms and wrapped them around the man sobbing on his shoulder. He brought one hand up and began stroking the short dark hair. "Shh Nicky, shh. It's going to be okay baby. I know you couldn't see what you were doing, but you can now and that's the most important thing. I love you and I'll forgive you just so long as you promise you'll never treat me like that again, like I don't exist. I couldn't bear it." Tears began to well up in Greg's eyes and when Nick started repeating the words, "I promise," they overflowed, cascading down his cheeks.
Outside the lab Warrick and Catherine stood watching the whole scene as it unfolded. A few others had stopped wondering what was going on, but only for the two CSIs had everything suddenly become very clear. Catherine remembered her earlier encounter with Nick. "So that's why he was so flustered when I told him Greg was having problems with his boyfriend."
"And that's why he freaked and ran out of the lab while we were trying to make Greg feel better," Warrick chimed in. A smile curled on both of their lips. "It's about damn time. I've been watching Nick flirt with Greg for so long it was painful."
"I know. Did he really think he wasn't obvious? I thought maybe he got over it though since he pretty much stayed away from Greg these past few months, but I guess it was a little more complicated than that." Catherine quickly glanced around them and then looked over at Warrick. She lowered her voice, "Do you think anyone knows about us?"
Warrick's face lit up. He leaned in towards Catherine, "Well no one has said anything, but I don't really care if anyone finds out. I love you Cath."
Catherine blushed, "I love you too." They stood there for a minute looking at each other, lost in their own emotions. They had almost completely forgotten about the scene in front of them, when Sara and Grissom walked by.
Sara startled them. "Whoa what is up with Nick and Greg?" As they looked back into the lab they saw Nick bring Greg's face to his for a very long, very passionate kiss. "Someone want to tell me what's going on?"
Catherine and Warrick looked at a very confused Sara, shook their heads with a smile, and walked away from the crowd that was now forming where they stood. While they were still in range they could hear Grissom saying with a sigh, "Come on Sara, I'll explain everything."
The End
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A/N: Anyway just wanted to acknowledge the two songs in this story. The first set of lyrics was "Your Woman" by White Town and the second set was "I've Been Loving You Too Long" by Otis Redding.
***
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