Title: Zilch
By: Tiffany F
Pairing: Horatio/Eric
Rating: FRM
Summary: **SPOILERS SEASON 7.03 AND HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU KILL??** Horatio and Eric talk once everything has settled down for the day. And what a day it was. I don't own them, don't make money from these. I'm only playing around.

When Horatio got home from the lab he couldn’t help but notice the dead feeling in the house. He knew that his lover had left earlier than he had and should have been home. Horatio sighed and went back into the bedroom to change into his swimsuit, planning to sit out under the large umbrella that kept him from getting a sun burn. Or a tan, if he wanted to be honest with himself.
 
He knew that the day’s case had been extra hard on his lover. There were times when Horatio wanted to pull Eric off the case, make him work on something else, but knew that the younger man wouldn’t be willing to stay in the lab. Eric was as stubborn, if not more, than Horatio and when he wanted to work a case, he worked it. Horatio didn’t know that this latest blow would do to his young love. Eric had been making so much progress with Dr. Marsh; progress that Horatio didn’t think was possible after the betrayal that he suffered with the last therapist Eric had been seeing. And now he was worried that his lover was missing.
 
“Hey H,” Eric said softly when Horatio walked out onto their deck. “Did you get Cory to his dad?”
 
“I did,” Horatio replied. He sat down next to Eric in the shade and put his hand on his lover’s shoulder. “How are you doing?”
 
“That guy pissed me off,” Eric said. “I know that he’s sick, that he had an unhealthy attachment to Dr. Marsh, and that he’s going to pay for what he did. But I just wanted to hit him, H. I wanted to make him suffer as much as she did.”
 
“You read her files, didn’t you?” Horatio asked.
 
“Yeah,” Eric admitted. “I know I shouldn’t have, but I just; I was driven to find her killer, you know. I needed to find the answer and I had a feeling it was in there.”
 
Horatio shifted until he was sitting next to Eric’s hip, facing him in the lounger. “I know, Eric, I know,” he said. “But what if something had happened and those files were all we had left? What would you have done then? If we had obtained a court order to open the files, found the suspect and a judge learned you had already read them, it could’ve killed the case.”
 
“I know,” Eric said. “And Calleigh pointed that out when she found me with them. But it was what I needed to do, H. I needed to be doing something.”
 
“You were lucky today, Eric,” Horatio said. He ran his hand slowly up and down Eric’s arm. “Talk to me, tell me what you’re thinking. What’s bothering you so much?”
 
“Am I a jinx, H?” Eric asked.
 
Horatio tilted his head and blinked a couple of times. “Eric, why, why would you ask something like that?”
 
“Because my first therapist turned my session tapes over to a PI and almost ruined my career,” Eric replied. “And now Dr. Marsh is dead. I’m the common denominator here, H. I’m the constant.”
 
“Only because you’re seeing yourself that way,” Horatio said. “Eric, you need to understand that you are not to blame for this, any more than you are to blame for your shooting. Life is random, things happen – often bad things to good people – and it’s our job to help them find closure.”
 
“I guess I know that,” Eric sighed. He looked up into the compassionate blue eyes gazing down at him. “But it’s just so hard to remember when something like this happens.”
 
“I know that, Eric, I do,” Horatio said. “And I know exactly how remarkable Dr. Marsh was. I’ve seen how much improvement you’ve made since you’ve been going to see her. She is a loss to this community, and to our family.”
 
“What about Justin?” Eric asked.
 
“I think the judge will grant probation once I talk with them,” Horatio replied. “But I’m not positive. Jail is the worst thing that could happen for him at this point, and we might not be able to save him from that fate.”
 
“What could he have needed so much money for?” Eric pulled on Horatio’s hand to convince him to sit next to him in the lounger.
 
“I don’t know, Eric, and I don’t know why he felt he couldn’t ask his mother for it,” Horatio sighed. “But watching him today, listening to him, it made me think of Kyle.”
 
Eric smiled. “I wish he’d come and live with us for a while, H,” he said. “Think of how much fun we could have. I wonder if he’d like to learn how to dive.”
 
“I’m sure he would,” Horatio said. “Once he got over the shock of learning who his father loves. I still haven’t found the right time to tell him about it, Eric, about us. Every time I start to bring it up, Julia appears and I don’t want her to know. There’s no guarantee that Ron Saris is dead and I do not want to risk you.”
 
“More than I have to by going to work every day,” Eric said with a small smile. “I know the team is just as marked as you are, H. We all know it and we’re right there with you all the way. Even Tripp.”
 
“I think Frank evens the odds against us,” Horatio smiled back. “Eric, I know we’ve had this talk before, but are you willing to find another therapist? I think you still need help, help that I can’t give you.”
 
“I don’t know if I can, Horatio,” Eric said. “What if something happens to them? How can I live with that knowing that I brought the evil into their lives?”
 
“Eric, I want you to listen to me,” Horatio said. He sat up and turned his lover’s head, holding his chin so the younger man couldn’t look away. “You did not cause this. You are not the reason Dr. Marsh is dead. You did not jinx her in any way. She made the decision to accept her clients with the knowledge that she could come to personal harm. She chose her career, Eric. Give her the dignity, even in death, to acknowledge that she knew what she was doing.”
 
The younger man leaned in and sighed when his lover’s arms wrapped around him. “On the logical level I know that’s true,” he whispered. “But on the more personal, it’s hard. Do I have to start looking right away?”
 
“No, Eric, no,” Horatio said. He kissed the top of Eric’s head. “You have me and you have Calleigh to talk to in the interim until you feel comfortable enough to take that step and return to a professional’s office. And I’ll be right there with you ever step of the way. I swear it, Eric. I’ll always be right here with you.”
 
“I know, H, I know,” Eric replied. “You and me?”
 
“You and me, Eric. You and me.”