Title: Epilogues
Author: Lament
Pairing: gen
Fandom: CSI
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine. Sigh.
Spoilers: for "Grave Danger."
Author's Notes: Okay, I'm experimenting with form, here. I was inspired by "Grave Danger," so I thought I'd try something a little different. Here's what I'm doing: each chapter will deal with one or two characters. Instead of telling story as a traditional narrative, I've decided to use a variety of different forms to show what each character is thinking. These aren't long and exhaustive. They're basically drabbles.
Summary: Several characters deal with the aftermath of "Grave Danger."

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Notes on this Chapter: This is an entry from Sara Sidle's journal. It's written shortly after Nick's ordeal.

May 20, 2005

I just got back from the hospital. Nick's quieter now, but he's still pretty shaken up. The nurses were getting pretty antsy about us all being there, so Catherine, Brass, Ecklie, and I left. Warrick and Greg were still there, but I think Grissom will kick them out soon. Nick's parents are there, too.

After I get some sleep, I'll go back and relieve Grissom. We're going to try and set up shifts so someone will be with Nick until he's released from the hospital, and probably when he first gets out. Ecklie said he'd take a shift. I'm not sure how Nick will feel about that, though.

Nick's mom said she's going to stay for a while so she can take care of Nick. I think his dad has to fly home next week. He said something about taking Nick back to Texas. After what we've all been through, I think that would be the worst thing they could do to Nick. As dysfunctional as we are, we're a family, and Nick needs us. If this experience has taught me anything, it's that.

It's funny. I struggled not to cry the whole time we were looking for Nick, but now that I'm home, and I can let go…I can't. I can't seem to cry or yell…

I can't even seem to find the words to express what I'm feeling, really. If anyone had asked me a few hours ago, I could've told them exactly what I was feeling. But now? It's like I've just watched the entire thing on a movie screen, and I haven't fully processed it.

I need to get some things done before I go to the hospital tomorrow. Nick may be in there for a while, and his mother will be busy sitting with him. So I'll try to handle some of the little things. I need to keep busy.

To Do:

-Bring Nick some magazines

-Pick up dry cleaning

-Check and see if Nick needs anything done around the house

-Check Nick's fridge for perishables

-Bring in Nick's mail

Maybe I should call the hospital before I go to bed. Or maybe I should go on over to Nick's place now. It's not like I'll sleep tonight at all anyway.

***

Notes on this Chapter: This is a series of instant messages between Catherine and Warrick. I think you can tell who is who by the screen names!

HottieMama: Hey! You're home.

ImPackin: Yeah. Gris kicked me out. I'm going get some rest. Go back tomorrow.

HottieMama: What are you doing?

ImPackin: Trying to Google some info on fire ants.

HottieMama: Why didn't you just ask Grissom?

ImPackin: shrug I guess I just wanted to find out myself.

HottieMama: How's our guy?

ImPackin: Sleeping when I left. Finally. He was fighting it.

HottieMama: No wonder, all he's been through.

ImPackin: Yeah.

HottieMama: Grissom there alone?

ImPackin: Nah. Greg's still there. He won't leave. He lost it before I left.

HottieMama: Lost it? Greg?

ImPackin: Yeah. Started crying out of nowhere. Just went hysterical. Docs gave him something, I think. Freaked Nicky's mom out a little bit.

HottieMama: Well, he seemed pretty dazed the whole time we were looking for Nick.

ImPackin: Guess it finally caught up with him.

HottieMama: You okay?

ImPackin: I'm fine. brb

ImPackin: OK. Had to check the phone, just in case.

HottieMama: I can't sleep. I'm too wired. btw-Lindsay says hi.

ImPackin: Lindsay's still up?

HottieMama: She saw the news. Scared her pretty good. I'll be lucky if she lets me go back to work tomorrow.

ImPackin: Lucky. Yeah.

ImPackin: Damn. These things are brutal.

HottieMama: What?

ImPackin: These ants. People die from these.

HottieMama: Warrick, he's fine.

ImPackin: Fine? He's not fine, Cath.

HottieMama: You sure you're okay?

HottieMama: Warrick, you still there?

ImPackin: I'm here. I think I'm going to go back to the hospital. I'll go crazy sitting around here.

HottieMama: What are you going to do there? Sit and worry?

ImPackin: That's what I'm doing now.

HottieMama: Why don't you come over here? We'll worry together.

***

Notes on this Chapter: This is a letter from Brass to his estranged daughter.

Ellie,

Hey, honey. It's your dad. But I guess you could tell that from the envelope.

We had a pretty rough day today, and I can't sleep. Just got back from the hospital. This friend of mine…I think you met him, but I'm not sure. Maybe you didn't. My memory must be deteriorating with the rest of me. Anyway, this friend of mine, Nicky…we almost lost him tonight. I won't give you the gory details, but I thought…I thought he wasn't going to make it.

I met his parents, and they're pretty tough people, you know? They knew they might lose their son, but they held it together. I went over to talk to the dad. Comfort him, you know? Like I know anything about comforting someone else. So I told him I knew what it was like, worrying about a kid. And he said they'd talked on the phone the night before. And you know what he said—the dad? He said, "We have our problems. But at least I told him I loved him right before I hung up. At least we have that."

I've been thinking about you tonight, Ellie.

I thought about calling, but I figured you'd hang up. I don't even know if you'll open this. You might rip it up and never read these words. But if you are reading them, I want you to know that I love you. I know we have our differences. I know I messed up. But I love you. I love you, Ellie.

Daddy

PS I always have my cell with me.

***

Notes on this Chapter: This is about one week after Nick's ordeal.

PATIENT: Greg Sanders

COUNSELOR: Dr. Matthew Harris

DATE: May 26, 2005

The following is a partial transcript of the mandatory post-traumatic counseling session for Greg Sanders, Las Vegas Crime Lab.

Sanders: No, the dream's the same every night. I'm working in my lab, and I smell something burning.

Harris: What does it smell like?

Sanders: Plastic. Anyway, I smell the plastic, and I go turn to see what it is. Then, Warrick—I work with him—well, he runs into the lab, and he has a shovel. And I'm like, "Warrick, man, what's the shovel for?" And he says, "Are you stupid, Sanders? Nick's buried under the lab."

Harris: (coughs) Then what?

Sanders: Well, I say, "Nick's not under the lab." But then, I believe him. I don't know why, and we start to dig. And then Catherine runs in and says, "You have to get out of the lab. It's gonna blow up." And then I ask her why she'd want to blow Nick up. Then I smell the plastic even stronger. It almost makes me sick.

Harris: Go on, Greg.

Sanders: What are you writing?

Harris: I'm just taking notes to help me remember what we talk about.

Sanders: I thought that's what the tape was for.

Harris: It is. Has the lab ever blown up in your dream?

Sanders: No. I wake up smelling the burning plastic. Is that necessary?

Harris: Hmm? Is what necessary?

Sanders: Do you have to write down everything I say?

Harris: Does it make you uncomfortable?

Sanders: (brief comment, muffled)

Harris: I can put them away. Do you ever see Nick in the dream?

Sanders: No, but I can feel his presence.

Harris: How so?

Sanders: (coughs) I can't explain it. I just feel him.

Harris: Do you ever see the ants?

Sanders: I probably will now. Thanks for putting it in my head.

Harris: (laughter) It sounds like Nick's recent experience is merging with your experience in the lab.

Sanders: Wow. That's brilliant. No wonder they pay you a mint.

Harris: You have some hostility.

Sanders: No I don't. I was just being snarky.

Harris: Snarky?

Sanders: Never mind.

Harris: You had an episode at the hospital.

Sanders: (sighs) It's no big deal.

Harris: You were sedated.

Sanders: So I was sedated. Maybe the hospital staff overreacted.

Harris: Do you think they overreacted?

Sanders: I just said maybe. I don't know. Whatever.

Harris: Do you have any hostility toward Warrick or Catherine?

Sanders: My "episode" wasn't hostile.

Harris: I never said it was. I asked if you had any hostility toward Warrick and Catherine.

Sanders: We were talking about the hospital. You just jump to Warrick and Catherine?

Harris: Do you want to talk about the hospital?

Sanders: No.

Harris: Let's talk about Warrick and Catherine.

Sanders: Why would I have any hostility toward them?

Harris: You tell me.

Sanders: I don't.

Harris: You're closer to Nick than you are to Warrick.

Sanders: Yeah, so?

Harris: So do you resent the fact that Nick was—

Sanders: Don't you even imply that I would want Warrick to be the one who got kidnapped. I wouldn't want that to happen to anyone! Catherine could have assigned that case to either of them.

Harris: But she didn't assign it to anyone. Nick wound up with it.

Sanders: (muffled)

Harris: And in your dream, you ask her why she'd want to blow Nick up.

Sanders: That's just a nightmare. She wouldn't blow Nick up.

Harris: She blew up the lab, though, didn't she? With you in it.

Sanders: We're done here.

***

Notes on this Chapter: This is an entry from Archie Blog. Two of the comments are superfluous, but the comments by "ballistic" are Bobby Dawson.

TechnoBabe's Blog

Well, work sucked today. Boss Man has been on edge since last week's Crisis. I don't blame him, but it's hard being on the receiving end of his bad mood. Boss Lady isn't much better. She's MIA most of the time right now. At the Hospital, I guess. I want to go to the Hospital, but what do you say in a situation like this? The TechnoGroupies and I went together on a gift…a sports video game. I like the video game idea, but I'm such a non-athlete that I can't even get into virtual sports. lol.

This all sucks, really. Everybody's on edge. Even I'm tense. I'm still not over the finale of Enterprise, and now I have to deal with this! They had a counselor come in yesterday to talk about the Crisis. Talking to him wasn't mandatory, but it was "strongly encouraged." I talked to him, but it didn't help. It's funny. I felt so useless during the whole thing. I should've had some burst of insight that saved the day, but in the end, all I could do was sit there and stare at the screen.

Posted by TechnoBabe on May 26th at 9:04 am

Comments

OMG! I'm sorry to hear about your bad day! Sounds like it'll take time for things to get back to normal. I'm glad you talked to a counselor.

Posted by grettie on May 26th at 9:12 am

So I'm a TechnoGroupie now? Anyway: Not. Your. Fault. We all felt useless. What were you going to do? Talk about useless... What did I have to contribute? It felt like I wasn't even there.

Posted by ballistic on May 26th at 10:00 am

I'm with you on the Enterprise finale! Sorry about the Crisis. Did you get funding for your paper?

Posted by onlyme on May 26th at 11:20 am

Me again. I've been thinking. Maybe you should go to the hospital. I mean, everyone else has gone. Even Mr. Better-Than-Everyone and Big Scary Boss Man. I've gone four times already. N is going stir crazy. He could use the company. I'm not trying to be a mother hen, but I'm saying.

Posted by ballistic on May 26th at 5:03 pm

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