Title: Forever Not Yours
Author: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Spencer Reid
Fandom: CSI/Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,768
Warning: ongoing series
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Spencer Reid, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

"So I guess this is goodbye, then," Greg murmured, looking down at his hands clasped in his lap. Spencer had already called a cab to pick him up at Greg's apartment, and it would be less than half an hour before the two of them were parted.

Greg had no idea when he would see Spencer again; he was merely clinging to the thought that he would. The other man had insisted on coming here, on spending their last few hours together in Greg's bed, rather than staying in his hotel room.

Spencer had told him over and over again that this wouldn't be a permanent goodbye, that he would be back as soon as he could. Greg wanted to believe him; with all of his heart, he wanted to hold on to the fact that he would see Spencer again, as soon as possible.

But it was hard to hold on to that knowledge when the man he loved was leaving so soon, and when he knew that they could be parted for weeks at a time. They would have to make do with phone calls, and even with letters. Anything to keep them in contact.

He'd been more than a little shocked to find out that Spencer didn't use email, but he didn't mind writing letters, if that was what his boyfriend wanted. And as Spencer pointed out, they both had cell phones. They would call each other any time, and stay in touch easily.

But it wasn't the same as having Spencer here in Las Vegas, knowing that they would see each other when he left work every day, Greg thought sadly. It felt as though so much in his life was changing in such a short time, and not all for the better.

He had decided to keep his job as an escort -- but he wasn't going to go out with any men who might think he would be more than simply their arm candy for the evening. There would be no more sleeping with any of his clients; he didn't need to do that now.

And he didn't want to. He didn't want to be with anyone but Spencer; even though they would be far apart most of the time, he was in a committed relationship. It didn't matter that they wouldn't see each other every day. Greg had no desire for anyone else.

"It's not goodbye," Spencer said softly, reaching out to take Greg's hand in his own and twine their fingers together. "Well, I guess it is -- but just temporarily. You know I'll be back in Vegas as soon as I can. If my team doesn't like it, then that's too bad."

"You're not going to get in trouble if you come here a lot, are you?" Greg asked, feeling anxious on his boyfriend's behalf. The last thing he wanted to do was cause any problems with Spencer's job; he knew how awkward that could be for the other man.

Spencer shook his head, smiling slightly. "No, I don't think I will. If the team needs me, they know how to find me. All they have to do is call me, and if we have a case, I can always get them to send me any of the briefing that I'll need and meet them at the scene."

Greg nodded, accepting Spencer's explanation. He didn't know much about the other man's job, and he hadn't asked too many questions. He was satisfied to know that Spencer worked for the BAU; he didn't need details of their cases to make him worry.

"I guess ...." He stopped, sighing as he searched for the words. "I guess I'm just having a hard time feeling like we really belong to each other when we're hardly ever going to be able to see each other." The moment that the words were out, he regretted them.

"That's not true, Greg," Spencer told him, his voice soft. "I know it might feel like I'm forever not yours, but I'm always here with you in my heart. And you're always with me. It doesn't matter that we can't always be with each other physically. It's what's inside that counts."

He wanted to believe those words. More than anything else, he wanted to feel that Spencer would still be here with him in spirit when he knew that the man he loved was far away. But right now, it was hard to feel like that; all he could think of was the fact that Spencer was leaving.

Greg couldn't hold back the tears that sprang to his eyes at the thought; he blinked rapidly, trying to keep them from breaking free and coursing down his face. He didn't completely succeed; a few tears leaked from the corners of his eyes, trickling slowly down his cheeks.

"Don't cry," Spencer told him, his voice barely a whisper. He gently brushed the tears away from Greg's cheeks, then leaned forward to kiss him, his lips soft and gentle. "I'll be back soon," he whispered against Greg's mouth. "I promise. I can't stay away from you for long."

"What you said about being forever not mine .... that's what it feels like," Greg managed to say, gulping back the tears that threatened to keep flowing. "It feels like you're just going to leave and that I"ll never see you again. Even though I know that's not true."

"No, it's not," Spencer said, his tone firm. "You just have to trust me, Greg. I know you've probably been hurt by people in your past, but I'm not any of those people. I'm me. And if you love me, then you trust me, too. Just like I trust you."

Greg took a deep breath, forcing the tears back and nodding at Spencer's words. His boyfriend had less reason to trust him than he did to trust Spencer, given that he was keeping a job that would require him to be arm candy for men who might want more from him.

If Spencer could trust him to be an escort, then he could trust his boyfriend not to fall for anyone else while they were apart. Spencer wasn't the kind of person who would do that, anyway. Once he was involved, he would take that commitment seriously.

It wasn't that he didn't trust Spencer, Greg told himself. It was that he was going to miss his boyfriend so much, that he would feel so alone without Spencer here. In the short time they'd known each other, he'd grown dependent on the other man in ways he'd never thought he could.

He had never wanted to be with anyone in the way that he did with Spencer. This was something new and different for him -- and it wasn't an unpleasant sensation. But it did feel strange to know that he needed someone as much as he needed this man.

"I guess I'm going to have that feeling of being forever not yours for a while," Greg admitted, resting his head against Spencer's shoulder and wondering how long it would be before he could do so again. "But I'll get past it. I do trust you, Spencer."

"And I trust you," Spencer told him, squeezing his hand gently. "We're going to make this work, Greg. And look at it this way. There's an old saying that all partings end in lovers' meetings. When we see each other again, being together will mean even more to us."

Greg had to smile at those words; he'd never heard them before, but something about them rang true to him. "Lovers' meetings? I can definitely live with that," he said, trying to keep his tone light. They didn't have much longer to be together; he wanted to make every moment last.

"I like the sound of that myself," Spencer told him with a smile. "I'll be back, Greg. Don't ever doubt that. I can't stay away from you for longer than I have to. You already mean too much to me." His voice was soft and loving, his tone sincere.

"If I've got to let you go, I guess I'd rather lose you for a while to your job than to anything else," Greg said, trying to smile and look at the bright side. "And I know you'll be back. I don't doubt that. I just wish we didn't have to be apart at all. I'll miss you like crazy."

"I'll miss you, too," Spencer said softly, then looked up as a horn sounded outside. "That's my cab, Greg. I know you'd rather drive me to the airport, but I've got to get on the plane as soon as I get there. The team needs me. But I'll be thinking about you all the time."

"And I'll be thinking about you," Greg murmured as he followed Spencer to the door. Before he could open it, Spencer turned to him, pulling Greg into his arms and kissing him, the pressure of their lips together so hard and insistent that it took his breath away.

"Don't ever feel that I'm forever not yours," Spencer whispered into Greg's ear. "Just remember that I am yours. For now, and for always. Even when I'm not here, I'm with you. And I'll be back as soon as I can. I hope you're ready and waiting when I am."

With those words, he opened the door, flashed Greg another smile, and walked out to the parking lot, getting into the cab and waving from the window. Greg raised his hand in a wave, then blew Spencer a kiss that he knew the other man could see.

Greg stood there, watching the cab go down the street until the could no longer see it. Slowly, he closed the door, then leaned his forehead against it, fighting back tears. It seemed like a long time before he could lift his head again, taking a deep breath as he did so.

Spencer would be back, he told himself, keeping his inner voice firm and calm .And it might even be sooner than he expected. Until then, he would counting the days -- and reminding himself on each and every one of them that Spencer was indeed his on a forever basis.

***