Title: Missing Your Love
Author: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Spencer Reid
Fandom: CSI/Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,507
Warning: ongoing series
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Spencer Reid, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

"I miss you so much when you can't be here," Greg murmured, closing his eyes and snuggling into Spencer's embrace. His arms tightening around Spencer's waist, as though he would hold the other man here forever, never let him leave and go back to his life in DC.

"I miss you, too," Spencer said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Greg's head. "I wish I could stay here all the time, especially with Foyet still being out there somewhere. But you know I can't, Greg. I've got a job in DC that I can't just leave."

Privatelyk, he told himself that if he could leave, he more than likely would. But he loved his job too much to just walk out -- and the BAU depended on him in some ways. He didn't feel that he could leave in good conscience. He couldn't just abandon them.

But still, Greg was one of his priorities, too. He wanted to be with his boyfriend more than he was, and after all that had happened with Foyet, he owed it to Greg to be here more. If it wasn't for him, Foyet would never have found Greg, and his boyfriend would never have suffered.

He couldn't keep blaming himself for that, Spencer thought with an inward sigh. It wasn't his fault, even though he couldn't stop thinking that he had been the one to pull Greg into this. If he hadn't been dating Greg, then Foyet would never have ....

Resoultely, he pushed that thought out of his mind, ruthlessly pushing it down and locking it away. It wasn't going to do either him or Greg any good to think that way; what he had to do was concentrate on the future, not drown in regrets about the past.

The past was over and done, and neither he nor Greg could do anything to change it, no matter how much they wanted to. They had to pick up the pieces and go on from here -- and Spencer was determined to do just that, and not let the past affect the rest of their lives together.

Right now, their immediate problem was finding more ways to spend time with each other. He couldn't let Greg go through this alone; it was true that he had support from all of his friends at the crime lab here, but it wasn't the same as having his lover here for him.

Spencer was here in Vegas as much as he could be; he'd missed a couple of cases that the BAU had worked on to be here with Greg, and the others hadn't had any problem with that. Hotch had offered to give him more time off if it was needed, but for the moment, he had refused.

Maybe he should have taken that time, he told himself with a frown. Greg needed him -- and, in truth, he wanted to be here. Whenever he was on a case with the BAU, he thought about Greg and worried about him -- and called him more often than he probably needed to.

He missed Greg more than he could put into words when he couldn't be here. Maybe it was time for him to think about leaving the BAU, finding some kind of job here in Vegas, and settling down with Greg. Maybe it was time for him to start a whole new life with his boyfriend.

But he didn't feel that he could, not really. He loved what he did with the BAU; it would a horrible wrench to give up something that was so much a part of him. And Greg wouldn't want him to do that; Greg would always feel that he'd somehow forced Spencer into leaving.

He didn't want his boyfriend to live with that kind of guilt. Yet at the same time, he felt guilty for not spending enough time with Greg, for leaving him lonely far too much of the time. That loneliness got to him, too; he couldn't deny that when he was away from Greg, he felt empty.

Was being in love this hard for everyone? Spencer asked himself, holding back another sigh. It would be so much easier if Greg could leave Vegas and get a job with a crime lab in DC. But that still wouldn't solve the problem; he would still be gone a lot of the time.

There was no getting around the fact that his job took him away from home too much of the time. It hadn't been a problem when he was alone, but now that he had Greg in his life, he wanted to travel less. With the BAU, that wasn't in the cards.

He coudln't see any way around it, unless he left the BAU. And that was something he couldn't do. He was needed at his job, and it would take away an integral part of who he was if he quit. Even being with Greg all the time wouldn't be able to make up for that.

"I'm just glad you're here now," Greg murmured, his voice barely a whisper. "When you're here with me, I feel safe. I know you can't be here all the time, so I'm just going to enjoy it while you are. And when you're not, I'll keep busy working until you're with me again."

Spencer nodded, his throat tightening for a few moments, rendering him speechless. Greg was so brave; he'd never known anyone who had the courage that his boyfriend did. He was fearless; he would jump right into anything. Some might see it as reckless, but Spencer didn't.

To him, Greg was adventurous, inquisitive, always ready to try something new. Even if he didn't always look both ways before leaping into a situation, Spencer thought it was brave of him to be willing to try, to look for those new experiences rather than turning away from them.

He wanted to try to be more like Greg, to throw off the cloak of caution that he kept wrapped around himself far too much. The problem was that he knew how much ugliness and evil there was in the world, and he wanted to avoid it in his personal life. He saw enough of it at work.

Though the same was true for Greg, through his work at the crime lab, Spencer told himself. Greg knew just as much as he did about the horrible things that people could do to each other. He'd even experienced it firsthand. Yet that didn't stop him.

That was one of the things he missed the most about Greg when they weren't together. He missed that devil-may-care bravery, that exuberance that Greg always seemed to radiate. He missed the feeling of adventure, of knowing that anything could happen.

Most of all, he missed feeling loved. He missed seeing Greg's smile, having hm there to hold and kiss and cuddle with. He missed having dinner together, watching tv, doing the little mundane things. He missed being able to kiss Greg good night when they turned out the lights.

"We'll find a way to work things out," he murmured, hoping that he was telling the truth. "There's got to be a solution where I can be here more. Whatever the answer is, Greg, we'll find it. We just have to put our heads together and come up with something that works for both of us."

"I know we will," Greg answered, raising head to smile at Spencer. That smile went straight to the other man's heart; this was what he missed the most when he was away from Greg. He missed seeing that smile, missed feeling that he was loved and cherished.

Even when they were apart, he knew how Greg felt about him. He knew that his boyfriend loved him, and that Greg missed him just as much. But somehow, that love never seemed so immediate and so complete as when he was here, with Greg in his arms.

He missed his boyfriend's love when he was away, even though he knew that love was always with him. It would be impossible for him not to miss this closeness; he'd never had it with anyone else, and it was the most important thing in his life.

He would find a way for them to be together more; he would make it a priority. They would work things out, and he would be able to have this closeness in his life on a regular basis, Spencer vowed to himself. there had to be a way -- and he would find it, no matter where it might be hidden.

***