Title: Playing Pretend
Author: kliqzangel
Pairing: Nick/Greg
Fandoms: CSI
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own no one.
Warning: WiP
Summary: Greg can't stand to watch Nick suffer any longer and decides to take action. Set after Season 6.

***

Greg sat on the bench across from his locker watching Nick out of the corner of his eye waiting… waiting… waiting for the others to leave, waiting for his chance, waiting to finally get some time alone with Nick. Nick was his friend; probably his closest in the lab or out of it for that matter if for no other reason than because he cared for Nick more than any other person he knew. He realized most people looked at him as some geeky brainy half man half child and Greg supposed that he was, but he’d never really thought much about it. He simply tried to accept people’s perceptions of him knowing most likely they would never change, but even he had to admit that Nick was unique in that manner.

Nick tried to accept most people as they came overlooking even his own perceptions and searched instead for the truth of the person. In Greg’s opinion Nick was a hell of a guy, a hell of a guy that had a couple majorly bad days in the last couple years. First some psychotic cable guy stalks him in his own town house and then an even bigger psycho locks him in a Plexiglas coffin and buries him alive leaving him with his own gun as his only way out.

As far as he was concerned just one of those incidents was enough to change anyone, but two of them in one lifetime had to be a lot for one person to handle alone, no matter how many doctors and shrinks they saw, especially a big bad jock who was the son of a judge from the great state of Texas where everything was bigger and the men were tougher. Greg was the first to admit he didn’t know a lot of people from the state, but Nick had turned out to be everything he’d expected and at the same time nothing like he’d expected at all.

He cared about Nick. He REALLY cared about Nick more than and on a whole different plane from any other person he’d cared about in his life. Oh sure he was the first to admit that he loved the hard or soft curves of a passionate woman, but none not even the luscious Catherine or feisty Sara came close to the way he felt about Nick. He’d never been one to advertise his sex life, but on the other hand he wasn’t ashamed of it either. He just didn’t see as it was the whole world’s business who he fucked or didn’t fuck. Nick however, Nick was a puzzlement.

It had taken Greg a long time to decide if Nick was into guys and then even longer to decide how NICK felt about being into guys. Greg expected at first that with the way his luck ran his friend would be a card carrying 100% all American straight as they came good ol’ boy, and then once he realized he was wrong he figured Nicky would be one of those so deep in the closet that he didn’t even know where the door was kinda men. These days though Greg wasn’t sure what to think of Nick and the thing that worried him the most was he wasn’t sure Nick did either.

His friend had changed, but Greg supposed that one would have to have been paying as close of attention to Nick as he had to notice. Oh his friend was good at his act. He played his part well pretending everything was peachy keen in the life of good ol’ Nick Stokes. Some days he wondered if he was the only person who saw a difference. He wondered if he was the only person who thought that Nick was carrying around more from his time underground than a nice huge case of claustrophobia. He noticed the darkness in his friend’s eyes that seemed to hover constantly. He noticed that Nicky’s smile didn’t appear as much as it used to and that his laugh seemed to be an endangered species. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard Nick going out with a new girl and knew it had been ages since he’d been able to talk his friend into going out for anything more than a quick breakfast after work.

No, Greg suspected that Nicky wasn’t handling life well at all and he was damned if he was just gonna sit around and watch anymore. When finally the last person left the locker room Greg stood and carefully moved down the bench to stand next to Nick waiting patiently until the older man looked up and smiled tiredly. “Hey, G, what’s up?”

Leaning against the locker behind him, Greg crossed his arms in front of his chest and flashed Nicky that grin he knew could disarm a raging bull. “Nicky I got this friend. He’s changed lately. Nothing sudden mind you, more like gradually so’s no one would notice. He don’t smile as much and he don’t laugh as much and he don’t hang out with me as much. He has this look in his eyes some times like there’s something big and bad and deep haunting him, but bein’ the big macho guy type he is there’s no way he’d ever tell someone on his own that he ain’t doing so hot. So I came up with this plan and I want your opinion.”

Waiting for Nick to nod signaling he was paying attention Greg knelt in front of his friend placing himself deliberately lower to the ground so that Nick would know he had the advantage of the situation. “Well I decided that I needed to just confront him, ya know? Go to him if he wasn’t gonna come to me and just ask straight up what I could do to make all that darkness in his eyes go away. I came up with this idea to talk to him somewhere that he’d know he was safe. I thought I’d tell him that he was probably my best friend in the world and that I would do anything for him, keep any secret for him, and sacrifice endless moments of peace for him.

“Do ya think that would work Nicky? Bein’ one of them macho types yourself? Do ya think he’d talk to me if I did that?”

Greg didn’t miss the way Nick fidgeted in his seat or the way he looked down at his hands digging one thumbnail into the opposite thumb. He didn’t for a second think this pause was some moment of deep thought or serious concentration on Nick’s part, but was pretty sure Nick was hoping he did. When finally Nick answered Greg also didn’t miss how his friend didn’t look at him and kept his gaze firmly on those clenched hands of his. “I uhh,” Nick started emotion thickening that Texas drawl of his, “I think yeah that would probably work.”

“I think he’d be a pretty lucky guy to have a buddy like you who cared. I hope he opens up to you. He couldn’t find a better friend I think.” When Nick looked at him finally and flashed one of those staged grins that Greg was hoping to soon kill violently he almost didn’t continue. For a flash second he wondered what hope there was that his friend would ever open up wondering if this act wasn’t put into place now so well that it couldn’t be dislodged, wondering what hope there was that someone like Nick Stokes would take aid from some geeky ex-lab tech, but then he saw that thing deep in Nick’s eyes and easily shoved away his self doubts. Nicky needed him and he was damned if he was going to let him down.

“Cool! So how about it then Nicky? I mean you are my best friend. You gotta know I’d give my life for yours if you needed it. Hell I share my coffee with you, how more devoted can a guy get? I would withstand all the tortures of the world to keep your secrets and frankly man it’s killin me to see that lifelessness in your eyes.

“So how about we play pretend? First we’ll pretend that you aren’t the big macho guy that thinks he can’t open up to his friends and admit he ain’t tough and strong and then we’ll pretend that I’m not the little brother around here that everyone thinks they gotta take care of all the time. How about we pretend that I’m the one that takes care of you for awhile and you’re the one that lets me?

“Whaddya say Nicky? I think it’s better than the ‘Nick Stokes is just fine’ pretend game don’t you?”

As Nick just stared openmouthed, Greg thought that the waiting could very well kill him. As he spoke he’d watched Nick’s eyes get big. He’d seen his head shake as he tried to deny the words he was hearing. Finally the mouth closed before the jaw clenched and Greg saw the brief flash of anger in Nick’s eyes right before they filled with tears. He wasn’t sure if Nick was mad at him or himself or maybe both of them, but he didn’t really care as long as this damned scheme accomplished something. Cause if it didn’t…. if he fell flat on his face he knew for a fact that all he’d just done was make things worse.

Carefully Greg reached out with his hands and placed them over Nicks never breaking their eye contact not giving his friend one second of space to doubt his sincerity. This was too important, Nick… Nick was too important. “Come on Nicky. Play pretend with me. Ain’t nobody here but us. Just you and Greggo. Come on Nicky. Let me in man. Let me in that damned fortress you’ve built around yourself. I ain’t a perp, baby. I’m just the guy that cares a whole hell of a lot for you.”

“Not here,” he finally heard and let the breath he hadn’t even known he was holding rush out with relief. “I… We can go talk at my place an’ if… if you mean it we can… we’ll talk.”

Easily Greg flashed that grin of his, happy to see a weak attempt reflected by Nick. “Anywhere you say, Nicky, your place, my place or Timbuktu.” Bouncing up Greg grabbed his bag from his locker and followed Nick out not missing the way his friend kept glancing over his shoulder at him as if to make sure Greg was really there, as if he didn’t think this was all really real.

***

The Drive to Nick’s gave Greg plenty of time to worry about a lot of things, but mainly what was going on in Nick’s head as he drove alone ahead of him his truck. Since he had no idea where they were going Greg had to patiently (or at least as patiently as he was capable of) follow his friend and hope they didn’t get separated. He knew Nick had moved within the last year to a house. He heard a rumor that it was a ranch style home with no attic. He’d also heard a rumor that Nick had a security system that would put Fort Knox to shame, of course how anyone knew this was a mystery to him because as far as Greg knew no one from work had ever been there.

When finally they reached the home (rumors had been right here it was indeed a ranch style appearing to have no attic) Greg carefully parked next to Nick and hurriedly got out so that he could study his surroundings. He hadn’t missed the gates at the entrance to the community or the rent-a-cop with the gun. When Nick finally got out of his truck Greg followed along behind him up to the front door where he waited while Nick unlocked it taking in the home security company sticker on the window to the left of the door. The door itself was… somewhat unique. With no window and only a peephole and appearing to be metal it looked to be something you’d find in a bank or somewhere that they were concerned with safety and robbery not the welcoming front door he’d expected.

“Umm wait here G I gotta put in the alarm code,” Nick explained blushing lightly before shutting the door in Greg’s face.

“Well that was… inviting,” Greg thought to himself then remembered of everything his friend had gone through. “I suppose if all this makes Nicky feel safe then it’s worth it.”

Several long moments later the door was again opened and Greg found himself looking into Nick’s eyes not missing the hint of nerves and fear in them. “There goes the feeling safe theory,” Greg again thought as he smiled at his host.

“Sorry, G, sorry come on in please,” Nick said stepping to one side. “You’re umm you’re my first guest. Not even my family has been here yet.”

Walking in Greg couldn’t help but notice all the locks on the door counting at least 6 from top to bottom, but again didn’t comment. “Safe,” he thought to himself again as he followed Nick though the house to the kitchen half listening as Nick rambled on about something that sounded like breakfast. “How safe does he really feel here?” He wondered.

As he followed Nick he found himself frowning again wondering at the almost bare state of the walls and spaces. He knew his friend had been here for at least 8 months and he remembered Nick’s last two places well. They’d each been stylish and clean, but as full as Nick could get them of just about anything a single man in Las Vegas could possibly need or want. This though looked like some minimalist fashion statement that definitely did not fit the Nick he knew. As they finally entered the kitchen though Greg took a deep breath determined not to jump to any quick conclusions.

“You want somethin’ to drink, Greg? I don’t have any beer, but I have coke, juice, water… I could make coffee…” Nick trailed off as he opened his fridge door and looked at Greg over the top.

“OJ is good man,” Greg said pausing some ways away from Nick as he took a moment to plan his strategy. To be honest he hadn’t really expected his moment of bravery to get him anywhere let alone to work so well that he actually ended up in Nick’s sanctum. If he had known the lengths Nick had gone to to try and make himself feel safe Greg would have had even less hope than he’d had originally and now that he did know he was a little overwhelmed at the idea that his friend would take such a huge leap of faith.

“You got some nice digs here Nicky,” Greg said softly as he approached his friend who was trying in vain not to look nervous as he poured them each some juice, but the shake of his hands was hard to miss. Carefully so as not to startle him Greg stepped next to him. When Nick put the juice jug down instead of grabbing a glass, Greg took one of Nick’s hands in between his own two. “Nicky, you’re safe. You’re in your home, which is in a gated community behind a door that could keep out an army of robbers with a man you have known for 5 years now. I’m your friend. I would never hurt you.”

“I know that,” Nick whispered painfully as he looked at his granite counter instead of at his friend. “I just… I can’t help it, G. Lately I just… when I’m at work it’s ok. I mean not like it used to be, but better than it is at home. At least there I know I have you guys.”

Greg watched as Nick’s free hand lifted to rub an eye in frustration. “Damnit I am so goddamn tired of being scared. I’m tired of listening to doctors who all tell me the same thing. I’m tired of being so isolated because I’m afraid to let people in anymore. It seems like the farther away I get from all that crap that happened the worse it gets.”

As he listened to his friend vent his frustration Greg unconsciously massaged his hand before letting one of his own work its way up Nick’s arm to rest on his shoulder. He wanted badly to pull Nick into his arms, but his gut told him that would be too much, too close, too big of an invasion of Nick’s personal space to risk at that moment. So instead he settled with what he had as he waited and listened.

“I kept waiting for something,” Nick said continuing as he seemed to not notice Greg’s ministrations. “Some sign that things were going to get better, some person that would come along with some magical answer to my problems, someone who understood that shit the doctor keeps telling me, but nothing CAME… at least… not ‘til tonight.” Nick finally lifted his eyes as he frowned slightly studying Greg’s face searching for some sign that he was bored or irritated or let down. All he saw though was patience, concern and… something else he wasn’t sure he knew the name of.

“You keep saying your doctors keep giving you some advice. Do you feel comfortable telling me what it is, Nicky?” Greg asked maneuvering their bodies slightly so that his back rested flat against the counter and Nick stood in front of him, again putting Nick at the physical advantage.

Showing his irritation with whatever it was they told him, Nick huffed and looked down as the tip of his boot kicked at the tile floor. “They keep telling me I need to be patient. The last one said that I would find my… safety net. I’d find someone or something that would just… make it all click into place and I’d know I was ok. I just needed to be patient and understand nothing happens overnight. OK so I didn’t expect overnight but Jesus G how fucking long do I have to do this patient crap? I can’t take this any more!”

When Nick unconsciously stepped forward slightly putting himself between Greg’s spread legs, Greg took this as a good sign and lifting his other hand to Nick’s free shoulder he began massaging both sides listening as Nick rambled on letting out the anger and frustration he’d been holding inside of himself for what Greg guessed was way too long.

“When’s it gonna get better G? Huh? Cause I just… I want to feel normal again. I want to be able to invite someone over I’m interested in and feel safe. I wanna hang out in my living room in front of my way too big TV and watch the game again with my buddies. I want… I want my life back! When am I gonna not be afraid anymore?”

When Nick fell silent Greg knew this was the point where he was supposed to speak, but found himself unable to for the moment. Nick had managed to (even if it was subconsciously) rob the two of them of any space that was between them leaving their bodies pressed gently together as his arms circled Greg’s waist lightly. Greg didn’t know if he should laugh at the absurdity of the question given their current position or cry from frustration at the hard on rapidly making his jeans dangerously too tight.

“Well, Nicky, I guess I can only answer that with a question of my own,” Greg finally said noting the tremor in his voice only hoping he could contain his raging hormones. “Do you feel scared now? Cause I gotta tell you man, I umm, I think you’re doin’ pretty good right now. God knows I ain’t complainin’.”

Greg watched with some odd mixture of humor and frustration as the realization of his current position hit Nick. Immediately Nick stiffened as Greg saw the panic flair in his eyes, but before Greg could utter a single calming word he watched the panic begin to ebb as Nick studied his face.

“I…” Nick began as confusion began to take over and Greg noticed his friend looking around at his surroundings as if he expected some monster to jump out at him.

Deciding to take a tiny step forward Greg let his hands move from Nick’s shoulders up to his neck then onward up to cup his cheeks. “You’re ok Nicky. You are in the position of advantage. Tell me how you feel. If you’re scared I’ll let go right now. Or if you’re not we could conduct a little experiment.

“Now I gotta tell you Nicky that while my wildest dream might have had me getting this far today, I had not much else left for hope that you’d let me in so I am pretty much playin’ it by ear. However, we’re both scientific kinda guys to a certain extent. So I say if you AREN’T scared that we try a little… experiment if you will. We’ll call it… The Nick Stokes Test of Safety Trial #1.”

Greg almost bounced with excitement when he saw the familiar old twinkle appear in Nick’s eyes even if it was almost completely hidden by nerves, but still it was there and that was all that counted. “Just what exactly does this test include?” Nick asked taking his bottom lip between his teeth.

“Well now, I think trial #1 shouldn’t be too awfully complicated. I mean we don’t wanna spook the test subject, that being you babe, by pushing him too far right off the bat. So… hmm…” Greg scrunched up his face playing as if he were deep in thought waiting until he heard a soft chuckle that almost made him weep he’d missed it so much.

“Ahh I know, how about we start off with a nice little kiss here in this lovely kitchen of yours. If you get scared, all you gotta do is step back. I’ll even put my hands on the counter so there’s nothing holding you in place. If you don’t get scared, well we’ll enjoy a nice kiss then the two of us will make breakfast. Then maybe once we have you comfortable with this then we can try something else.”

“What if I do get scared and I step back? Will… will you leave? Will… will I have to start over?” Nick asked hesitantly lowering his head.

Greg took a deep breath steadying his nerves before putting a finger under Nick’s chin lifting his head back up until their gazes met once more. “This ain’t some game for me Nicky. If you want me to be, I’m here for the long haul. If you get scared we’ll take a step back and just hang for awhile letting you get used to someone being here. Then later we’ll try again. If you still get scared we’ll just wait some more and keep trying until you aren’t scared. There’s no time table here man. I told ya, I am playing this one by ear. My only concern is you.”

Greg waited watching Nick for some sign of discomfort instead only seeing need building there. “I need this, G,” Nick whispered unsteadily. “I… I need you here. I… I want you to kiss me. I want you to stay… make breakfast with me. Sit on the couch and watch some TV, maybe… maybe just… you know… lay on there together and just… you know… be together? I need to feel like I belong again. I need to feel like I belong to you, G. ‘Cause God I think you’re the only one that can kill this goddamn fear and make it go away.”

He almost cried right then and there. The emotion, the need in this man’s voice almost set him over the edge, but he was determined to be the strong one for a change. He was going to be the strong one there for Nick. Slowly, almost painfully so, he pulled Nick’s face closer until their lips met. At first he just let them rest there… going no further than that, his lips touching Nicks until slowly again he moved a little closer adding a little pressure parting his as he moved his arms back so that his hands could grip the counter. It now was all up to Nick, and Greg had never been so tense about something as simple as a kiss in his life.

He wasn’t sure how long the kiss stayed like that, but he knew the instant Nick realized Greg was no longer holding him in place. At first he tensed slightly and then before he knew what was happening their mouths were open and their tongues were dancing as Nick’s hands locked onto Greg’s shoulders with a death grip as he pressed their bodies even closer together. For Greg it was like the best and worst moments of his life all in one crazy happening. On one hand here was this man he’d been dreaming about since the first time he’d walked into his lab kissing him like there was no tomorrow, but on the other he was scared shitless that something was going to spook him like Greg loosing all control and throwing him down onto the floor to ravish his sexy body.

He wanted to memorize every tiny part of Nick’s mouth, he wanted to have that texture and taste, that wonderment of this thing that was happening even if it was only in this tiny minute in time in case Nick completely freaked and never spoke to him again. Greg wanted to make sure he’d have every moment of this kiss memorized to last him until the day he died. Badly he wanted to touch Nick, to let his hands roam restlessly over his body, but he knew that would be bad and instead left them were they were to grip the counter so hard he wasn’t sure they would ever flatten out again.

He heard a whimper and a moan but couldn’t decipher which one of them let the sounds loose and when finally the kiss broke their chests were heaving and Greg hoped that the ending was only from a lack of oxygen on Nick’s part. Fortunately he wasn’t left long to wonder as quickly Nick’s arms locked around his neck holding him tightly and when he realized his neck was wet not from the sweat dripping from his forehead but tears from this brave shaken man, Greg quickly let go of the counter wrapping Nick safely in his embrace. “It’s ok, babe, it’s ok.”

“Oh God, G,” Nick moaned before stealing another quick and intense peck before pulling his head back to look into the other man’s eyes. “God babe it’s more than ok! That was wonderful, it was exhilarating, it was… it was… it was so goddamned far from safe and no where close to scary I don’t even know what to call it. I knew G! I knew! I…” Nick suddenly smiled shyly bowing his head once again.

“I knew it would be ok with you. I don’t know how many nights I have lain in bed thinking about you, wishing you were here, thinking you would keep all the demons away. I knew G. You’re it man. You’re the one thing that I don’t have to be scared of. You’re the one that will help me make it all go away.”

Greg filled his lungs holding the air in until his chest burned then let it out slowly before smiling again and pulling Nick close. Nick’s words left him feeling the pressure. This man, this amazing, loving, wonderful man was counting on him and Greg couldn’t let him down. He realized that he wasn’t going to have to be the strong one for just the morning or a week or even a month. He realized the possibility that maybe he would have to be the strong one forever.

As one part of his head asked him if he could do it, the other told him he had no choice. Nick was counting on him, and Greg couldn’t let him down.

***

As Nick messed around in the kitchen putting away the various plates and pans they’d just washed and dried, Greg wandered through the main parts of the house bypassing the bedrooms. He was a little afraid to find out if this stark decorating scheme continued on back there as well as if somehow the whole situation would become even more bleak and depressing if it was. White walls, bare floors or just cheap carpeting, minimal furniture and almost no personal items made Greg feel more like he was in a prison or an institution than someone’s home. “How did this happen?” He wondered to himself trying to absorb the possibilities.

“I haven’t really done anything yet,” a soft and almost timid voice admitted nervously and slowly Greg turned to look at his friend.

“I can see that,” Greg replied carefully then flashed one of his famous grins. “Unless you were going for this year’s latest institutional motif then I gotta say you’ve nailed it babe. Somehow I picture you as a more colorful person though… maybe you should consider a cowboy scheme… ropes, cow heads… umm… you know whatever else it is you people from Texas decorate your homes with.”

“Cow heads would be a little morbid,” Nick stated grinning then blushed lightly as Greg crossed to him and put his arms around him gently pulling him close. “I’m just not as god at the decorating thing as you are, G.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing that you know someone who knows about such things and has an idea of your personal taste… the cow head thing was a joke I swear. Ya know I hear he has a thing for you and your hot bod so I bet if you asked him he’d help ya out.” Greg wiggled his eyebrows wanting to lighten the mood worrying things had been too deep for too long.

Suddenly restless Nick pulled away and paced across the room feeling Greg’s gaze on his back. “Aren’t I already asking too much of you? What happens if you decide that I’m too much of a burden? What happens if you get tired of me being so needy? It isn’t right Greg. I can’t ask you to do anything else for me. I’m already asking too much, it isn’t fair.”

Deciding that Nick needed his space Greg crossed his ankles and leaning back against a wall folded his arms over his chest. “We aren’t keeping score Nicky, but if it will make you feel better you can do something for me in return for my decorating assistance.”

“Like what?” Nick asked as if he was doubtful he had any knowledge the younger man didn’t or would want to learn. The mere thought that his friend had slipped so far and no one had stepped in before now made Greg sick to his stomach. Nick spent his life being there for anyone that needed him and yet when he needed someone back it took so long for anyone to notice that he was practically a shadow of the man he had once been. “You’re the brain here,” Nick said pulling Greg from his thoughts, “and you’re doing great at work.”

Greg shrugged casually, but inside he cheered loudly at the praise given from the one person whose opinion mattered to him the most. “Maybe so, Nicky, although I am sure there are many who would argue your opinion, but a person can always improve right? There is always more to learn and I am sure there are a lot of things that you could teach me.” As an idea popped into his mind Greg shifted suddenly nervous and his stomach began to slowly twist into a knot. Somewhere in the back of his mind a voice screamed no, he couldn’t do it. However calmly another voice reminded him that he was asking Nick to jump into the fire and face his deepest fears, the least Greg could do in return was face one of his own even if it meant telling a tale he hadn’t repeated in years, didn’t think of except for in those sweat drenching, breath robbing nightmares he could never remember and didn’t need to to know the content of.

Nick watched Greg unfold his arms and stuff them into his pockets as an expression transformed his face from concern to what Nick could clearly read as panic. Panic was something he was familiar with these days and seeing it on Greg’s face made him feel somehow at ease as if they were back on even ground again. It wasn’t just Greg taking care of Nick, but Nick taking care of his Greggo once more.

He watched Greg’s gaze drop to the floor and it was becoming more obvious by the minute from the sweat breaking out on his friend’s forehead that he was nervous about something, more than nervous terrified in fact and Nick found himself forgetting about his own fear and panic and disparity as his mind focused on Greg. The protective instincts that he’d been housing for the younger man almost since the day they met rose to the surface. Quickly he crossed the room putting his arms around his friend pulling him close. “Greg what is it?”

Taking a deep breath as he wondered who was supposed to be comforting whom here, Greg pulled his arms free so that he could wrap them around Nick’s shoulders loosely before he looked up, his teeth nibbling on his bottom lip. “There is one thing that I need to learn, but I’m afraid to do it, afraid, terrified, violently sick to my stomach at even harboring the tiniest hint of the thought at trying. But maybe… maybe… I mean… if I had you there… I mean I know you’d never let… you’d… if anyone could help it’s you.”

Nick’s mind spun in a million different directions trying to figure out what could possibly scare this man so badly. “What is it man? You know I’d help you with anything.” Nick insisted soothingly rubbing Greg’s back, his hands moving from smooth to rough and back.

“I wanna… well… ok want is a really REALLY loose... general term, more like need… in that really bad sense of ‘if I don’t I am screwed or gonna end up dead if I don’t’ kinda way… learn to shoot a gun.” Greg finally admitted squeezing his eyes shut and firmly sealing his lips against the bile that tried to come up and out pretty sure Nick wouldn’t appreciate wearing the breakfast he’d just eaten. When finally he thought he’d calmed down enough that he could keep said breakfast where it belonged, Greg opened his eyes and it wasn’t hard to miss the shocked expression on Nick’s face. It wasn’t hard to figure out that was probably the last thing he’d expected to hear.

“YOU wanna carry a gun, G?” Nick asked not sure that he’d heard right. “You don’t even like the things.”

“Saying that I don’t like guns, Nicky, is like saying you don’t like being in really tiny places. Try I violently object to the point where I piss myself at the thought of touching one of those damn things.” Greg snapped regretting it immediately but couldn’t for the life of him calm down until he felt Nick’s thumbs rubbing soft circles on the flesh of his hips and desperately he locked his eyes with Nick’s gaining strength from the understanding of if not the fear at least the feeling. When finally he felt somewhat like his normal smart assed self Greg cracked, “But ya know Nicky, it’s a little intimidating when you guys are all pulling your pieces out and all I can do is hide behind my kit.

“What am I supposed to do? Throw it at someone and hope by some dumb luck they forget to shoot me and don’t move so it hits them? I can just hear Grissom now. ‘Now Greg your kit is not a weapon you must respect it if you intend to make it any further as a CSI.’ Warrick would go into one of his own respecting the kit lectures. It really wouldn’t be a pretty picture, man. Don’t make me go there.”

Nick tried to stop the smile, but he couldn’t help it and in the end his lips twitched mercilessly at the thought of the scene knowing Greg was probably dead on. “I think you’re probably right, G. Grissom would be pretty displeased, but you forgot Catherine and Sara. I am sure they would have some choice words for you themselves after Catherine got done with the mothering thing.

“There isn’t really a lot of times when we pull out our weapons though so it isn’t like you’re required and there are plenty of us that do carry that you’re protected. If you are that afraid, if you freeze when someone is depending on you to shoot you could put someone in danger, even get them killed. Ya know I will help you if you’re sure G, but before I do I gotta know if you can at least imagine a situation where you could shoot someone.”

Greg heard the question and wasn’t really shocked when the answer wasn’t far off. His mind brought up images of Nigel Crane, Walter Gordon, and other random and faceless threats to Nick’s safety. He imagined Nick’s life in his hands. Imagined sweat on his friend’s forehead, hands shaking, and eyes pleading as some fucker taunted him with his life taunting his manhood, threatening to take his future, take THEIR future away from them. Then he looked up into Nick’s eyes seeing the seriousness there at the moment, but remembered the Nick from earlier in the locker room, looking broke and beaten down. Remembered the hallow expression on his face and the deadness in his eyes. Remembered his lips on him and the way his hands clutched his shoulders as if Greg were his very lifeline. Remembered his promise to himself that he would do whatever it took to keep Nick safe after he came out of that damned coffin.

Moving his hands Greg cupped Nick’s face again looking deep into his eyes as one of his thumbs moved over Nick’s lips swearing to himself that when they were old and grey those lips would still be there to kiss him like the world was ending in the next moment and that was the last thing they would ever do. “Yeah, Nicky, I can. To protect you, to keep you safe, to be able to kiss you for all the tomorrows I can imagine I would do anything including the one thing that scares me the most.”

Not knowing what to say Nick pulled Greg closer humbled at the thought.

***

Nick walked into work later that night smiling as the day’s events replayed in his mind. After the talk Nick had been tired, but hadn’t wanted his friend to leave so Greg volunteered to sleep on the couch. For the first time in months he’d felt completely safe in his own him, safe in a way that the expensive door, the even more expensive community costs for the armed rent a cops, and the ridiculously expensive cost of the highly overly priced security system hadn’t been able to. In the end it turned out that all he’d needed was the presence of one former lab rat sleeping on his couch insuring that even should the boogeyman have the powers of the entire Justice League wrapped up into one evil body thus able to gain access to his home, Nick wouldn’t be alone if evil visited him again. Then, when he’d woken up and found Greg still sound asleep on the same couch where he’d left him, Nick’d been filled with a warm glow that was still with him.

Heading into the locker room, he began humming some song Greg had played earlier while they’d made something to eat before the other man had to leave to rush home so he could change before work as he nodded at Warrick who was looking at him strangely. “You’re in an awfully good mood,” his friend commented and Nick just shrugged. Just then Greg came in and Nick barely contained his enthusiasm drawing another strange look from Warrick.

“G!” Nick exclaimed knowing he sounded as if they hadn’t seen each other in months rather than hours, but he couldn’t help it. For the first time in forever he felt safe, not as safe as he’d felt before he’d been buried alive, not as save as he’d felt before he’d been stalked, not as save as he’d felt before he’d been thrown out a window, and CERTAINLY not as safe as he’d felt before he’d had a gun pointed at him, but he did feel safer than he had at any point since they’d pulled him out of that box in the orchard and he knew who was responsible for this.

His mind and his body were so overwhelmed it was all he could do to keep from either crying or launching himself into Greg’s arms for a repeat of the morning’s kiss to insure himself that it hadn’t been some kind of a waking dream. Greg seemed to understand and flashed him a smile of pride and thankfulness that only Nick would understand the reasoning behind as he passed him settling on a pat to Nick’s shoulder on the way to his own locker. Seeming to have eyes in the back of his head, Greg turned his attention and smirked at the even more confused Warrick as he lifted an eyebrow. “Problems Rick?” Greg asked calmly as he put his wallet and keys in the locker and took out his vest and ID.

“Did you two have some strange personality shift? Nicky’s all bouncy and hyper and humming Shinedown of all things. While you are all calm and mellow, hell you even flashed Nicky’s patented ‘everything’s cool Rick mellow out’ grin!”

Greg didn’t have to turn his head toward Nick to know that the bounce had slowed somewhat and that the sparkle in his eye had dimmed a bit leaving him feeling defensive of his friend. Shutting his locker door carefully, Greg made his way to stand between the two men noting Sara’s quiet presence at the doorway as she observed the trio. Moving his gaze to Warrick’s face Greg didn’t much concern himself with what look was on his own face now, only knowing he was less than happy that Rick had managed to spoil a mood he’d worked hard to give Nick. “The man’s happy. Is it a crime? Is there some law forbidding that Nick Stokes be bouncy and happy? Is there some national injunction that says bad assed jocks from Texas can’t hum Shinedown? For your information he’s humming Simple Man which was originally by Lynyrd Skynyrd a band that is most definitely right up Nicky’s alley and frankly I think the song suits him wonderfully.

“If you really wanna know, which I doubt you do, I think it’s about time that Nicky found something to make him this happy, and if you gotta problem with that WARRICK then I think you should just keep it to yourself, because frankly I ain’t interested and Nicky don’t need it! Got it?!” Punctuating his words with a quick poke with his finger to Warrick’s chest Greg locked eyes with the taller man fearlessly seeing Sara’s eyes get big and a hand fly to cover her mouth out of his peripheral vision.

Warrick opened his mouth to comment, but recognized the protective glint in Greg’s eyes having seen it in Nick’s enough times after he’d harassed Greg and decided that he was best off leaving things as they were. This was a man he was suddenly unsure of. Logically he believed that he could take him if needed, but wasn’t quite as sure as he’d been a moment ago and glancing at Nick he saw the return of the bounce and sighed. Greg was right after all. Nick was finally happy again and what the fuck did it matter why or how. If Nick was gonna be happy and Greg was gonna protect him then far be it from him to argue the point. He just hoped that he didn’t get stuck all night with this new Greg-like Nick otherwise he might be forced to cram his hyper ass into a specimen jar and put him on one of Griss’ shelves. Turning without commenting Warrick walked out not even acknowledging Sara’s presence as he muttered something about being in the Twilight Zone.

Greg meanwhile lifted his eyes challengingly to Sara daring her to make one of her smart comments, but his friend wisely just lifted her hands in surrender. “Hey man, I’m just here to tell you we’re waiting for you guys. Gil’s already got assignments and wants us to get started as soon as possible. No need to chop my head off Mr. Nickyguard.” Behind him Greg heard Nick giggle and turned couldn’t contain a smile of his own at the sight of his friend.

“Nickyguard! Guess that’s your new title man!” Nick said slapping Greg’s shoulder before heading around him and out leaving Sara to look at Greg with a lifted eyebrow of her own.

“Don’t start, Sara,” Greg warned following after Nick protectively, but found himself giggling inside at the thought. “Nickyguard indeed.”

***

Greg straightened and looked around at his surroundings feeling Sara’s eyes on him. He knew that he was driving her crazy, but something in his head was screaming at him and it was all he could do it keep his focus on the scene the two of them were processing. “Greg, are you here or at Nick’s scene?” He heard her ask and giving up his ruse turned his attention to her taking his bottom lip between his teeth as he let his mind focus on whatever it was screaming at him.

“Have you ever gotten a feeling that you couldn’t explain? Like something was wrong or someone needed you, and you didn’t know why just that it was really important that you listen?”

Picking up her samples Sara shrugged and made her way to Greg’s side already done with her part of the scene. “You mean intuition? Sure everyone gets it especially in our line of work. Why? Is something going on that I don’t know about?”

If he’d been with anyone else Greg would have shrugged it off and waited ‘til they had reached the lab to make an excuse why he had to leave. But he wasn’t with anyone else he was with Sara who was more likely that anyone other than Nick to take his strangeness seriously. “Did you catch the address of Nick and Warrick’s DB?”

Lifting an eyebrow Sara shook her head as she took out her cell. “No, but I’ll call and find out their location. By the time you are done there I should have it and we can go check on them. That is the last you have to do right?”

Nodding Greg turned back to the out of place pop tab and cigarette butt he’d found in the yard clicking away. Something was going on with Nick. Now that he had allowed himself to think about it his whole body was tingling with warning and the sooner he was done the sooner he could get to Nick.

Several minutes later Greg found himself leaning forward in his seat as Sara quickly maneuvered their vehicle through traffic towards the house the boys were at. “Greg, just… you know… to look at this from all sides… are you sure this doesn’t have anything to do with this morning? I mean we’ve never talked about why you hate guns so much, but I know somethin’ bad must have happened to you. Are you sure you aren’t just projecting your memory of… whatever onto this new Nickyguard thing you’ve developed?”

Quickly Greg shook his head and waved a hand in the air dismissing Sara’s words as he’d already considered that. “If I was worried he’d been shot or hurt I could see it, but it’s not that. I just get this… I dunno… feeling of overwhelming panic.” Out of the corner of his eye he saw her nod and was relieved that she seemed to believe him. However his relief didn’t last long, because as soon as they reached the scene he saw Catherine standing with Warrick as Grissom yelled at some uniforms and felt his stomach drop. His feeling was real. That meant something was going on with Nicky and he needed to follow his gut. Jumping out he ignored the sound of his name leaving Sara to handle things. A high wooden gate to the side of a two story brick house had caught his attention and he simply let his feet guide him.

Sara meanwhile got out of the Tahoe more slowly and headed toward the small group. When she saw Catherine and Warrick move to intercept Greg she hurried and stopped them. “Let him be. He’s…” Sara waved a hand in the air then shrugged. “I dunno what he is. What’s going on? Catherine why are you and Griss here? I thought you two were at a triple on the strip?”

Catherine eyed Greg strangely then turned her gaze towards Sara who immediately saw the worry there. “We were. Then Warrick called and said they couldn’t find Nick.”

“He was in the back,” Warrick insisted agitated. “Said he was gonna check out the back of the house.”

Sara nodded carefully as she watched Greg touch the door on the fence pushing it open then walk through. “I assume you checked everywhere back there?” She asked before turning her eyes back on Warrick who was glaring at her.

“Of course I did!” Warrick snapped louder than he should have, but Sara didn’t seem to notice. Nodding again she took off after Greg leaving Warrick and Catherine to follow.

Greg felt like he was on auto pilot or stoned, but at the same time sensed that he wasn’t either of those things. Carefully he lifted a hand and pushed the fence door open stepping into the backyard and automatically flipped on the flashlight he’d forgotten he was carrying. Following a path he made his way along the side of the house until he reached the backyard where he carefully moved the beam around fighting to focus, but the panic screaming in his head had only gotten worse the closer he’d gotten to the back yard and was now almost overwhelming.

“Greg! We already…” He heard someone shout as if from a distance but they were cut off before it could disturb whatever was going on in his brain.

Warrick looked back at Grissom who had put a hand over his mouth surprised at the interruption. “Don’t disturb him.” He heard and couldn’t help but argue feeling frustrated and guilty. “Griss we already checked back here.” Warrick reminded and almost growled when his boss just cocked his head to one side watching his young CSI. Greg had moved to the far corner of the house. His beam of light was traveling up a trellis of ivy and back down to the ground where it was growing across some boards and into the other vegetation. The all at once Greg seemed to snap out of whatever trancelike state he was in kneeling down at the board screaming for Sara’s assistance.

Immediately Sara rushed to his side and the remaining three watched as the two lifted the heavy board that was apparently attached to a hinge revealing two wooden doors beneath. Catherine and Warrick sprung into action then seeming to realize at the same time what they were looking at but didn’t get far before they were met with a snarling Greg. “Back off!”

Griss watched two mouths open, but spoke before they could. “Greg’s right. If Nicky is down there he’s most likely completely panicked. If we all go rushing in it’s going to overwhelm him. Let Greg go.” Two pair of accusing eyes turned on him ready to argue, but Grissom just put on his best “I am the boss and I will not be argued with” look and finally the two turned to watch Greg open the doors before heading down a set of stairs disappearing into the darkness.

The second Greg’s foot hit the dirt floor everyone above ground was pushed to the back of his mind. With his flashlight Greg carefully scanned the floor knowing without questioning how that Nick was here somewhere. It wasn’t until his light found Nick’s boots and the bottom hem of his jeans that he felt some of the tension ease from his body. Turning his head so that Sara could hear him at the top of the stairs Greg called out to her hoping she could hear him even though he wasn’t speaking too loudly. He didn’t want to shout because he was sure it would only make matters worse. “Sara if you can hear me I need you to come down here. Bring two flashlights, but don’t move from the bottom of the stairs and don’t speak, ‘kay? Don’t let the light shine any higher than the floor.”

Then slowly he moved toward those familiar boots noting they hadn’t move even the tiniest bit. His gut was tied in such a knot he wasn’t sure how he hadn’t puked and he watched the beam of light shake knowing it was from his hands trembling. He couldn’t imagine what was going on in Nick’s head not wanting to think about how long he had been trapped down in this cellar. When the ground around him was suddenly lit up Greg knelt down carefully and slowly lifted his own beam taking in the sight of his friend.

First he saw the hands clenched tightly around legs that had been pulled up to rest against his chest. He could tell Nick was rocking back and forth and his eyes were completely unfocused, which worried Greg more than he wanted to admit even to himself. Carefully he inched closer in his crouched position until he was right next to Nick.

“Nicky? It’s ok man. You’re ok. I have a flashlight in my hand. Sara’s here too. She’s the one pointing the lights at the ground there in front of you. I’m gonna put my flashlight between your legs and your chest ok? When you’re ready you just take it. Until then I am gonna just sit here and talk until you feel like getting out of here.”

Taking a deep breath Greg sat Indian style on the hard dirt floor reaching out to let a hand rest on Nick’s arm as he quietly began to talk about anything he could think of hoping Nick came around before he ran out of things to say.




**Author’s note: OK I don’t know if it’s even possible to grow ivy in Nevada or if they would have this type of cellar. We do here in the Midwest and it was needed for the story so I am just pretending it fits.**

***

**All text in italics is a flashback**

Nick stood in the back yard of the house he and Warrick had been assigned to with his head cocked to one side as he studied the bottom of the house and the ivy at its corner. It was dark and he supposed that it could be the darkness that was making it look odd, but he had a feeling like something was under that ivy growing across the ground. After all why use the board when it could just grow across the dirt, right? Kneeling down Nick found the board lifted and was surprised and dismayed to find doors underneath. For a moment his attention was caught on those wooden doors knowing they could only lead one place. His mind screamed at him not to go down. All he had to do was call Warrick and he would go down into the cellar to check for evidence, but the more stubborn part of his brain reasoned that he had to do it himself. It was time to stop being scared all the time. There wasn’t anything down there to be afraid of.

Turning his head Nick saw the officer that had accompanied him into the back yard had left him alone and he swallowed heavily before reaching out a hand to grasp one of the doors handles pulling up. It was not an easy task. The combination of the hinged board and the heavy cellar door made it an awkward process and again Nick’s head told him not to do this, but he stubbornly ignored it and finally made his way through and down into the cellar.

He tried to ignore the sound of the doors banging shut as he stepped off the stairs and into the blackness of the cellar his hand gripping his flashlight tightly. “You can do this Stokes, no sweat man.” Thinking he should have at least told Warrick where he was going Nick took out his cell, but saw that he was getting no signal and reluctantly put it away. The panic was building inside of him and it seemed that the harder he tried to fight it off the more it built. The beam from his light moved around the room at a dizzying pace, but his ravaged mind didn’t connect it with the fact that this was because he was turning in fast circles. His chest ached and he could feel the sweat running off his forehead. Somewhere a voice told him he needed to get out of there, but when he tried to find the way back up he couldn’t because the room seemed to have closed in around him. Dizzy he found himself falling and suddenly everything went black as the flashlight fell to the ground turning itself off as it hit the hard dirt floor.

Sitting up and pulling his knees up to his chest Nick squeezed his eyes shut telling himself he needed to find the flashlight and get out of there, but it was too late. Lowering his head to rest on his knees as he rocked only one thing was making its way through the terror that had frozen his mind. As he rocked slowly back and forth he cried out Greg’s name over and over until he stopped recognizing anything at all.

Slowly Nick became aware of a new voice soft and familiar making its way through the darkness he’d found himself trapped in. Somewhere in his mind he sensed a slight pressure on his arm and something whispered inside of his head that someone was touching him, but still his battered senses refused to believe that someone was there with him.

His world seemed to tilt, but he didn’t recognize that Greg had put his arm around him and pulled him to lie on his side so that his head would rest against Greg’s chest or that he’d taken the object offered to him earlier, and the flashlight clenched in his hand. Eventually he felt something running through his hair gently and as his body began to shake he felt another slight pressure on his temple.

“It’s ok Nicky. You’re safe. You aren’t alone anymore. You just relax and when you’re ready we’ll leave this Popsicle stand. Speaking of popsicles did I ever tell you about the time…”

Nick squeezed his eyes shut as it became harder and harder to ignore the sound of the other voice in his head. He heard the whimpering and wondered about the wounded animal, wishing someone would help it- not realizing the sound was himself and not an animal at all. Slowly thoughts of Greg came to him even though he didn’t recognize it was his arms he was safe in, not even recognizing he was in anyone’s arms at all just knowing that if Greg was there he could make it safe again.

“Greg… G… Greg… please… make it safe... please G,” Nick moaned over and over until Greg’s heart shattered in a million pieces and tears ran down his face. He could faintly hear the sounds of crying from the stairs and wondered if it was Sara, but couldn’t worry about that now. Tightening his grip Greg continued on, his voice growing husky and horse, but he wasn’t about to give up now that he was finally making some headway.

Above ground Grissom crouched at the cellar opening with Catherine and Warrick on either side and just being him. Catherine was crying softly listening as Greg’s soft voice rose up from the cellar, hearing Nick, hearing Sara’s quiet cries at the bottom of the stairs. None of them spoke however too caught up in the events taking place down in the cellar. Warrick’s hand moved up and down Catherine’s back at an attempt of comfort but neither acknowledged it.

“And all of a sudden Patrick comes running out of the showers butt assed naked screaming at the top of his lungs that his dick had turned green! I swear Nicky it was the funniest thing I have ever seen! The idiot thought his dick was rotting! Can you believe it? Stupid jocks… not that I think all jocks are stupid Nicky… you just happen to be an expectation that's all a fine specimen amongst the species if I must say. Don’t worry though I won’t let Griss put you on one of his shelves. Speaking of species did I tell you about this special I saw on discovery about…”

Curling up tight Nick shook his head trying to fight the force that was pulling him back to the bad place not wanting to find himself in that damned cellar all alone. But all at once the voice and the touch fit into place with the name he’d been crying out for over and over for the last 20 minutes. Stilling he opened his eyes carefully and realized that the dark cellar wasn’t so dark. Then soon after became aware that he was being cradled in Greg’s arms. “G…Greg?”

Pausing mid sentence Greg loosened his hold as Nick sat up and turned to look at him somewhat confused. “What… how…” Before he could straighten out the words Nick found himself wrapped up safely in Greg’s arms again not recognizing yet that he’d thrown himself there as his mind wasn’t quite up to speed with his body yet. All he knew was that the dark wasn’t as dark anymore and the one person he’d needed was there holding him, making the bad things go away. Sobs tore from his heart and soul as he clutched at the younger man babbling endless sentences that ran together and were made unintelligible by his accent normally hidden, but suddenly out in full force.

“You came,” he finally whispered, his head buried in the crook of Greg’s neck and felt the other man’s head bob in a nod.

“Of course I came, Nicky. You needed me. What else would I do?” Greg asked and the quiet curiosity of the question penetrated the last remnants of Nick’s panic sending it back into its hiding place. Suddenly embarrassed Nick straightened and wiped his face off with his hands.

“I’m a fool,” he muttered hugging himself tightly, but found his gaze lifted to Greg’s face. “Never,” he heard the younger man say and the intensity, the honesty, and the heartfelt truthfulness of that single word managed to serve as a balm to begin the healing of his ragged mind and nerves. “We’re all terrified of something Nick. Some day soon you and I are going to talk and it will be my turn to be scared out of my mind and your turn to anchor me to reality, to chase all the ghosts and monsters away. You have nothing more to be embarrassed about than any other human being and if anyone has a problem with it they can take it up with me.”

Carefully Nicky smiled and at the top of the stairs Grissom’s own lips curved upward slightly as he drew Catherine and Warrick away giving Nick some privacy for when he came up. Sara’s presence would be hard enough for Nick to handle, he didn’t need to know at that very moment how many of his friends had been witness to his breakdown. Besides it was quite obvious that Greg was all he really needed.

***

Greg stood in the middle of the street in front of a house that he hoped never to see again watching as paramedics checked Nick over and tended to his various minor bumps and scrapes. The sky was beginning to lighten reminding Greg of how long he’d been down in that cellar with Nick clenched in his arms and selfishly he wished that he was anywhere but where he was. By the time they’d gotten out Brass had appeared or maybe he’d always been there he didn’t know. All he was really aware of was that his arms felt empty, his heart was heavy and his stomach churned with a mixture of nerves and the dissipating panic. The others had broken off into two smaller groups. Grissom had joined Brass to whisper probably about what he thought had happened while Warrick was trying to comfort both Sara and Catherine.

Greg didn’t know why they were bothering to pretend that they were giving him some space unless it was so they thought he couldn’t hear their whispers. You would think that after what had just happened Nick would be at the front of everyone’s thoughts, but for some reason it seemed to Greg that his name was mentioned more than any other. He supposed it was most likely because they knew Nick was safe at least from the dangers they cared to worry about, although Greg knew it was the mental wounds that were the most dangerous and they hadn’t even begun to find out what new wounds this little trip into the darkness had caused.

Greg however was a new puzzle for their little investigative minds to mull over. After all it wasn’t every day that someone knew things were happening before even the other CSI at the scene did. From what little he’d overheard that DIDN’T involve him directly he estimated that he knew Nick was in trouble a good half hour before it even occurred to Warrick that something might have been wrong. He had stubbornly pushed this knowledge back into the back of his mind along with the question of why if Nick had realized that there might be a cellar when the other Level 3 CSI on the scene hadn’t while they were so “thoroughly” scouring the back yard for signs of Nicky. No it was best to leave those troubling and potentially blood boiling questions for later when he was much calmer and nowhere near Nick’s vicinity. “How the hell did he know?” Greg heard for probably the hundredth time in the last 15 minutes and gritting his teeth he resisted the urge to turn and scream at Catherine.

He knew eventually the question would be asked to him directly by either Grissom or Brass and he would be expected to come up with a good reason, but the problem was he didn’t have one. All his life he’d had what Papa Olaf had always called over active intuition when it came to the people he loved the most. He wasn’t one of those psychics on TV who claimed to know the future or that he could speak to the dead. It was just that sometimes when he was close to someone he just… sensed things and since he’d never been closer to anyone than he was to Nick it was only logical that he’d known Nick needed him. At least it was logical to Greg, but he was also well aware that most likely no one else would share said logical thinking.

Looking down at his watch Greg swore under his breath and wondered if someone had slowed down time while he’d been in that cellar. His butt hurt like hell from sitting on that hard dirt floor. His back ached from being straight for so long. His voice was more gone than present and his eyes felt like someone had poured sand into them. His arms were tired and ached, and he knew as bad as it was now when he woke up in the morning it would be about a thousand times worse, but none of that mattered because all he could think about was getting Nick back to his house so Greg could pull him back into his arms without worrying about giving the gossips even more to chatter about than they would already have.

Nick needed to be out of there. Greg could see it in how big his dark eyes were and how restlessly his hands moved over his jeans as he tried to hide their shaking. His jaw was clenched tightly and there was a look on his face as if he was hovering on the line between hysteria and comfort that made Greg glad he didn’t have a gun yet because chances were if he did he might very well go postal on that paramedic that insisted on touching Nick as if he was comforting him. Didn’t he know he was only making it worse? “Dumb fuck,” Greg muttered to himself before spotting movement out of the corner of his eye and turned his attention from Nick momentarily to see Grissom had come forward with Brass close behind. Closing his eyes Greg sighed not needing his over active intuition to know what question was coming. Apparently the time had come for the talk. “Greg,” Grissom started before Greg cut him off.

“I don’t know how I knew, Griss, I just did ok?” Greg snapped before remembering it was his boss that he was talking to. Opening his eyes Greg looked up and winced at the expression on his boss’ face. Nervously he rushed to explain himself before he found himself on the unemployment line.

“Sometimes I just know things ok? Like when I was 8 and my best friend Trace fell out of a tree in his back yard only he was at home and I was at my home and we didn’t live anywhere near each other so there was no way I could have known but I did. So I bugged my sitter because that’s who I was with because mom was at work like she would ever be home with me are you kidding? And I bugged her and bugged her even while she was on the phone with that guy she dated that had more pimples than there are stars in the sky at night lemmie tell you he was gross but for some reason she liked him maybe he had a big dick and she was really irritated and the more I bugged her the more pissed she got until finally she took me to Trace’s house which was all the way across town cause ya know I lived in one of them big fancy houses with too many rooms and Trace’s family was just normal ya know?

And when we got there I ran to the back and there he was laying on the ground and I thought he was dead because he wasn’t moving so I screamed and then my sitter Tripy I swear Griss that was her real name can you imagine naming your kid Tripy let alone hiring someone with a name like that to look after your 8 year old? It’s a wonder I wasn’t hooked on LSD before I was 10 ‘cause lemmie tell ya that girl believed in truth in advertising I knew about drugs way before anyone in my class. Anyway Tripy came back and she saw him and she screamed too and damn did she scream loud like ona them chicks in those bad horror films. And pretty soon Trace’s mom was running out with the delivery guy I guess he delivered more than just the packages cause his pants were barely on and she was wearing his shirt I guess Trace had been trying to peek on them when he fell out of the tree and she started yelling at me like I’d done it even though I wasn’t even there and then Tripy started yelling back at his mom calling her a whore and later I found out that his dad said the same thing before he left them.

I dunno much about after he left cause Trace said it was all my fault that they’d gotten divorced and said I was a freak and all that other kinda stuff and I tried to tell him I wasn’t psychic or anything only I didn’t know the word yet so I said psycho cause I thought it was the same thing I mean hey I might have been a genius but I was still only 8 gimmie a break so ever since then I haven’t told anyone cause I mean really what is there to tell? It isn’t like I have some big talent I just know stuff sometimes and only about people I love so see I can’t answer you question Grissom. I know you want some answer that’s all logical and reasonable and scientific but there isn’t one I just know and there isn’t anything else I can tell you so I hope you aren’t gonna fire me cause if you try I ain’t gonna leave. I’m gonna be like that guy on that cereal commercial that has gotten fired a million times but never leaves cause Nicky needs me Grissom and I ain’t leavin him.”

Finally Greg had to stop for air before he turned blue from a lack of oxygen and eventually grew concerned when Grissom didn’t speak but instead just stood there looking at him in that Grissom way that made you squirm and wonder if you’d pooped your pants and hadn’t realized it yet. Turning his attention back to Nick, Greg had to smile when he saw the big grin on his friend’s face ignoring Jojo the paramedic that STILL was touching Nick and soon would die for it. Nick however seemed to look at little better because his eyes were sparkling and his face relaxed.

Deciding he had enough waiting Greg moved forward until he could take Nick’s hand from Jojo not even bothering to hide the glare he shot at little paramedic boy. He knew it was his nervous rambling that probably amused Nick so much, but for once he didn’t care. Usually he was a little sensitive about it, but at that moment as long as Nick was smiling again that was all that mattered. He saw Nick look behind where he stood and knew Grissom must have followed him, but stubbornly he refused to turn and acknowledge his presence. “Greg we need to talk about this,” Grissom insisted but Greg stubbornly just shook his head refusing to take his eyes off Nick.

“What’s there to talk about?” Greg asked softly his gaze dropping to study Nick’s bigger clasped in his smaller one marveling at how right it looked there. “I don’t have the answers that will satisfy you. I just knew Nick was upset and needed me. I knew why but I couldn’t have told you before I saw why myself. I knew where but I couldn’t have told you before I figured it out for myself. There is no logical or rational or scientific answer. All I have to offer you is I just knew.”

Greg knew he was tense. When he saw his knuckles turning white, he forced his hand to relax not wanting to hurt Nick. He could feel Nick’s eyes on him and felt his free hand running up and down his side letting Greg know he understood, but for the life of him Greg couldn’t turn to look at his boss. He was too afraid that after all his hard work and all the things he’d given up he’d turn and see the disappointment and ridicule in the eyes of a man he admired so much.

“Greg look at me,” Grissom ordered softly but Greg just shook his head. He knew it was cowardly and childish, but he couldn’t help it. “Greg,” Grissom said much more stern and if possible Greg tensed up even more, but it was when Nick forced Greg’s gaze upward so that their eyes met and the whispered, “it’ll be ok,” reached his ears that he could turn around.

“Not everything has a logical, rational or scientific answer, Greg. Sometimes I don’t know is as good as it gets. People act on beliefs more than anything and rarely do beliefs have anything to do with logic, reason or science.” Grissom chastised softly before smiling gently. “Take Nick home. You both can have a couple days off, but I need you both to make statements sometime tomorrow.” Then turning he then left leaving a confused Greg behind. It wasn’t until Nick’s chuckle reached his ears that he turned back around opening his mouth to speak, but finally shut it when nothing came out.

“That’s Grissom man,” Nick said shrugging as he stood from the back of the ambulance. “Just when you think you know what to expect he throws ya a new pitch. I umm… if you don’t mind I would appreciate it if you stayed with me while we are off. I… I don’t think I can do the alone thing man.”

When Nick’s eyes filled with tears and his head dropped Greg immediately pulled him into his arms silently damning the office gossip. Nick was more important than his pride and he needed to feel him back within the safety of his arms too badly to care what others thought.

***

For the second time in just under twenty four hours Greg was standing outside Nick’s house waiting to be let in. This time though it hadn’t been as easy for Nick to leave him out there. His friend had been torn when he realized that he didn’t feel comfortable letting Greg in before the code was set and yet at the same time didn’t want to let go of the only thing that was keeping him from falling apart.

Leaning against the door jam Greg let his eyelids fall shut momentarily as he remembered how hard it had been to watch Nick struggle with the decision, but as much as he wanted to take over and make it for him, he knew it would be a mistake. There was a fine line between supporting Nick and taking over his life and Greg was determined not to cross it no matter how painful it was going to be to stay on the correct side.

“W… wait here G, ok?” He’d finally asked the terror in his voice evident. God how badly he’d wanted to wrap Nick up in his arms so tight they couldn’t ever be separated and finally he gave in looping his arms lightly around Nick’s waist before bending in and placing a kiss on his forehead.

“I ain’t going anywhere, babe.” He’d felt Nick sigh before he gave into his shaking body pulling Greg closer as his teeth dug into his bottom lip to try and stop the sobs. “It’s gonna be ok Nicky. You aren’t alone. You aren’t gonna be alone. Unless you throw me out I ain’t leavin’ this place without you for the next couple days.”

“What… what if…” Nick struggled trying to force out the words scared to death they would chase Greg away once spoken.

“What, Nicky? What if what? I’ll do anything remember?” Greg spoke softly running his hands over Nick’s back slowly.

“What if I… don’t… want you to leave ever? What if… What if…” By this time Nick was shaking so hard he could barely stand and tears were running down his cheeks as he struggled to speak between cries and finally Greg’s will power snapped unable to be strong any longer and watch the man he loved struggle.

“Nicky, if you want me to stay a day I stay a day. You want me to stay a month I stay a month. You want me to stay forever… well I guess I got a new place of residence. Honestly I don’t know that this is the right second to be making life plans after what you went through tonight, but I don’t want you to think I don’t want to be here with you either, babe ‘cause I do. I love you. I don’t need time to decide if it’s what I want or not because I already know I do. I’ve been crazy in love with you forever.

“How about we do this, the lease on my place is up in like 4 or 5 months anyway. So I don’t see a need to rush things. Let’s take this thing on a day by day basis for now ok? You want me here then I’m here. If when my lease comes up you still want me here then I guess I’m moving, but if you don’t… if something changes and you realize you don’t want this to be permanent or you aren’t ready for it yet then I’ll understand.”

When those brown eyes connected with his again Greg was barely able to hold in his gasp. The pain, the need, the fear and the longing in them almost overwhelmed him. He couldn’t remember ever seeing Nick look this vulnerable and open with all his demons and terrors out for the naked eye to see. “I ain’t gonna change my mind, G. I ain’t. I… God…” At that Nick had run a hand through his hair before pulling away and after unlocking the door went inside shutting Greg out without another word spoken. So now once more Greg found himself on Nick’s front porch shut out by the impenetrable metal door hoping and praying Nick was ok inside because if he wasn’t Greg was screwed.

Inside Nick was fighting not to panic. The code had been put in, but for some reason he couldn’t move. He needed to, he needed to let Greg in and feel his arms around him again, but his body wouldn’t cooperate. The house was dark and quiet because in his happiness this morning he’d forgotten to leave on the entryway light and the stereo just in case. A voice inside of his head that he couldn’t quite place kept taunting him saying that Greg would leave long before they got to the end of his lease on his apartment, because really who would want to put up with a basket case like him? Finally his knees gave and Nick found himself sinking. His head rested against the wall as his arms curled around his knees and his chest heaved sending up the heavy and painful emotion he’d been fighting so desperately to hold in. Greg… he needed Greg. He couldn’t survive without him. So what was he going to do if he lost him?

Outside Greg frowned looking down at his watch wondering what was taking so long. He knew the alarm pad wasn’t far from the door and he’d been waiting much longer than he had before. “Nicky?” He called knocking on the door as that little thing in his head went off again. Hoping that Nick had put in the alarm code so he didn’t end up having to explain to Brass he hadn’t broken into Nick’s house, Greg grabbed the doorknob sending out a quick prayer of thanks that it was still unlocked before opening the door and rushing inside.

It didn’t take long to find Nick, crumbled up on the floor around the wall from the door rocking and crying out his name. Remembering that he’d seen a light switch right by the door that morning Greg felt around until he found it and quickly flicked the switch bathing them both in a gentle glow. “Nicky it’s ok. I’m here you aren’t alone.” Greg soothed kneeling down taking the older man into his arms and rested his cheek on the top of Nick’s head when he found himself in a death grip, his shirt becoming drenched in Nick’s tears. “You’re safe. You’re safe. You’re safe.” Greg repeated over and over until finally Nick quieted.

“OK two things,” Greg started feeling the need to fill the silence. “First off after we get these statements out of the way ol’ Greggo is putting a ban on this seriousness for at least 48 hours. You babe are on serious mental overload and if we don’t relieve some of this pressure you are gonna snap. Second, the first thing you are doing when we get up is calling those security people of yours and have them come out to make some upgrades to your system. I know they can make it so your lights come on inside here and probably even your stereo or something the second you put in your code if it is still dark outside. Dark and quiet are not your things and ya know what? That’s ok, but there is no reason to suffer through having to remember to leave on lights and noise when you’re paying someone a shit load of money to make you feel safe.”

“What do I do when you get tired of me?” Greg heard a small quiet voice ask and for a minute didn’t connect it to Nick. Once he did he silently damned Warrick and Jojo the fuckin’ paramedic, the cellar, Walter Gordon and anyone else that came to mind whether it was justified or not for what Nick was suffering through.

“I know it’s hard to believe right now Nicky. You are so far down you can’t remember what light looks like, but I swear on everything that I’ve ever believed in that I’m not going anywhere. This isn’t something I just thought up the other day as I was getting naked in the locker room and you aren’t just some passing fancy. I love you. I love you today. I loved you yesterday and I will love you every tomorrow you can find. What is it they say? For better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, in good times and in bad, ‘til death do us part.”

Slowly Nick quieted and finally his head lifted until Greg found himself under an intense gaze that made him want to squirm, but didn’t. As he waited he wondered if he’d taken it too far with the whole quoting the marriage vows thing, but it had just come to him and somehow felt right saying those words to Nick. “I never thought I would hear those words spoken to me,” Nick admitted softly as a shy smile appeared on this face.

“Well I meant every one of them,” Greg assured seriously searching Nick’s eyes not sure what he was looking for. “I don’t want you to feel like I am pushing you or trying to shove myself into your life, Nicky. I’m aware this is gonna be a slow process and ya know I don’t mind ‘cause I happen to believe that you are worth the wait, but that doesn’t mean my feelings for you are gonna diminish. Time will only make them stronger babe.”

Nick took a shuddering breath then yawned and Greg noticed his eyes were drooping rapidly. “I think it’s bedtime,” he said firmly but gently and stood lifting Nick up with him.

“G, I don’t think… I… I don’t think I can sleep alone tonight, but…” Nick squirmed and his eyes began to tear once again before Greg smiling gently put a finger over his lips.

“If you think Nicholas Stokes that I am letting you out of my sight for more than 5 minutes you are insane. So go back and change into whatever you want to sleep in. If you gotta spare t shirt or a pair of shorts I would appreciate it since I don’t have anything with me. While you’re doing that I will grab your pillows and a blanket and make a bed up on the couch. If you sleep on the outside it should be ok.”

Nick’s head bowed momentarily as he took another shaky breath before looking up at Greg once again. “Thank you, G. I never would have made it out of this with any sanity left without you. I’m afraid I’m going to owe you more than I will ever be able to repay.” Before Greg could respond Nick turned and headed away and letting the wall hold him up for a moment Greg let him go. Closing his eyes he prayed to every powerful being he knew of for the strength he needed to get him through not only this night, but this entire ordeal. Then before turning off the entryway light Greg made a mental note to talk to Grissom tomorrow alone. Nick needed more than just two days off, but Greg wasn’t sure how to broach the subject and not make Nick think he didn’t believe in him.

***

Greg lay on the couch holding Nick in his arms listening to him breath as he slept. The two of them had barely settled before he could feel the other man relaxing and soon sleep had overtaken him. Unfortunately for Greg sleep wasn’t coming to him as easily. He was worried. He was worried about Nick. He was worried about his ability to follow through and stay strong when he felt like falling apart. He worried that Nick wouldn’t want him once he was better then immediately felt guilty for doubting Nick’s feelings. He wished that he had someone to talk to, but he wasn’t sure who to trust not just with his innermost thoughts and feelings, but to not tell the whole world about his insecurities. The last thing he needed at this point was for Nick to get wind of what was going on in his head before Greg even understood them himself.

Laying his head back against the back of the couch Greg stared at the ceiling thinking that the first thing he was doing was putting fish tanks into this place. Fish would be much more soothing to stare at when he couldn’t sleep than the ceiling. He tried to focus on the thought of fish, but stubbornly his mind turned itself back to Nick and Greg almost groaned with frustration. What if he let Nick down?

That was the one thought that scared him the most. This whole thing was moving at warp speed and Greg was having trouble keeping himself mentally ahead of the obstacles coming at them. Feeling Nick fidget and hearing a small whimper Greg tightened his arms and held his breath. Fortunately Nick quieted as he managed to turn himself over so that his chest rested against Greg’s before sighing and whispering Greg’s name. The sound of his name on Nick’s lips made his stomach tighten and a lump rise to his throat. His love for this broken man was endless. He knew despite his worries that he would walk over a path of glass through the pits of hell if it meant saving Nick any further pain, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still scared to death. The consequences of his failure were too high not to be.

Childishly he wished that he could just wave a hand or a magic wand and make all the bad things go away from their lives. Things would be so much easier, but then that voice in his head that he refused to identify questioned if he would still be there with Nick, if Nick would still want him there with him. What did it mean if these horrors Nick kept having to survive were the things that were meant to bring them together? What did that mean for their relationship? Could they survive if the terrible things ever did stop and they were allowed to live in peace? Or would one of their hearts move on looking for something else?

Greg felt his fingers curling and he knew they were digging into Nick’s back. Struggling he fought to calm down as he realized his breathing had quickened, but the thought of Nick moving on terrified him. This was no “need to fix” for him. He knew he wasn’t there just because Nick was broken. He’d loved Nick long before the box and Nick’s current emotional and mental state was just the thing that finally set him in motion. Letting his head drop Greg gave in bathing Nick’s cheek in his tears as he held him tight and finally sleep overtook him.

Laying his head against the hard cement walls of the station later that day Greg waited rather impatiently for Grissom and Brass to finish their questioning of Nick. He didn’t understand what was taking so long. It wasn’t like someone had shoved Nick into the cellar. He’d walked down there of his own free will. “How are you doing Greggo?” He heard Catherine ask and sighed not opening his eyes just yet.

“Are you asking because you are concerned or because you wanna find out more info to run to Sara and Warrick with? I really don’t feel the urge to feed more of your whisperings. You three seem to do a helluva good job speculating about me without my assistance.” Hearing no reply Greg opened his eyes and wanted to close them again seeing Catherine’s reaction. Surprise, guilt, and hurt were all present on her face and while part of him felt immediately guilty another felt justified. The whisperings of his friends from the night before had stung more than he cared to admit. “Look Catherine I’m sorry, but I’m not deaf you know. It kinda hurts to know Nicky was stuck in a goddamn cellar for hours and yet all the three people he and I consider some of our closest friends could talk about was what a freak I am.”

“We never called you a freak,” Catherine protested although the blush creeping over her cheeks didn’t help her claim much. “I’m sorry Greg I really am. We were insensitive. It’s just…”

Signing Greg closed his eyes again before interrupting. “You’ve never met a freak like me before. Trust me I know Catherine ok? Why do you think I never mentioned it? It ain’t like I’m gonna go all Nostradomis on you. Sometimes when it comes to people I love I just… know things.”

Catherine sighed and reaching out laid a hand on Greg’s arm waiting for the younger man to open his eyes again and look at her. “I really am sorry. I didn’t know you could hear us. How are you two doing? I saw Nicky through the window and I gotta say Greg I think he looks better than you do right now.” Greg finally opened his eyes again unable to hide the emotions raging through him and Catherine felt even guiltier at the fear there. “Greg you know you can talk to me. Whatever you say stays between us I swear. Sara said you’ve been worried about Nick for awhile. We feel bad that we didn’t notice he wasn’t doing as well as he pretended. The least that I can do for you is to listen.”

“What do I do if I fuck this up?” Greg whispered brokenly and Catherine sighed rubbing his arm. “Nicky’s depending on me to fix him. Not just because I‘m the one who noticed but because… hell I don’t know why. All I know is he seems convinced that I’m the only one that can help him get better. He even told me that he used to lie in bed at night wishing I was there because he just knew I would make it all ok. So basically while I was living life as normal Nick was being tortured in his own home by his own fears and I did jack, which just makes it worse because I’ve been in love with him for so long that I can’t help but wonder if he wouldn’t be ok now if I hadn’t said something earlier. What if maybe he’s so messed up now because of me? What the fuck then? What if he realizes it’s my fault and decided he hates me?

“I mean he’s moving in overdrive and as thrilled as I am with it ‘cause God knows I don’t need any more time to know I wanna be with him for the rest of my live what if all this is some big manifestation of his loneliness and fear and isolation? What if he only thinks he loves me because I’m the one that noticed he wasn’t ok?

“And what the hell do I do if he needs me to be the strong one forever and I can’t do it, Cath? What the fuck do I do then? I mean I love Nick and I don’t mind being strong while he needs me but damnit I need the old Nick back ‘cause I got my own shit to deal with and I can’t do it knowing he can fall to pieces at any second. And how fucking low of a human being am I to even think something like that? I mean Jesus this is about Nick not me, but damnit I need him to say it’ll be ok and I can do this and to be that goddamn rock he’s always been. I need his strength and God you have no fucking idea how bad I need that smile of his back that you just know came from the depths of his soul ‘cause some days it was all that got me through. What do I do if those goddamn people stole that from him forever? What do I do?

“What if… what if I get him through this and I’m strong when I don’t think I can be and I find a way when I don’t think I can and what if we get to the end and he realizes that he just needed fixed and he doesn’t want me forever like he thought? How the hell do you survive that? I couldn’t I wouldn’t I don’t know now and honestly I don’t wanna. I mean shit I’ve only gotten a glimpse of what it could be like to be Nick’s and right now I gotta tell you it ain’t much of a glimpse cause he’s so goddamn broken it almost kills me every time I look at him, but I got enough of one to know that I can’t go back, Cath, I just can’t! I can’t go back to being happy little Greg. I haven’t been able to be for so long I don’t remember how I was able to be silly and happy. How I could be that guy that could dance down the hall with evidence on his head? I need him to love me forever so bad and have for so long I didn’t even realize that I’d started dying without it until now. I don’t even… I can’t… What the hell do I do?”

Taking a deep breath Catherine shoved away her own tears glaring at the people who had stopped to stare and gently nudged Greg until they were standing in a slightly less conspicuous spot. She had no idea how they had gone so long without realizing that two members of their team were so sad and hurt. “Greg I would love to say I have all the answers for you. I think you are a stronger person than you believe. I think that you being this worried about letting Nick down is the very thing that proves you won’t do it. If just the idea of not being strong for him hurts you this much there is no way you will actually let it happen.

“And I’m not one of those people Nicky confides in. To be completely honest I don’t think Nicky confides in anyone, which is probably part of the reason he’s in such bad shape right now. But if he believes you can help him get better maybe that will change. I know it’s hard imagining you have to always be the strong one, but I don’t think it will be so terribly one sided with you two.” Smiling softly Catherine looked away then turned her eyes back to Greg as memories filtered through her head.

“You know I remember back when you were just our favorite lab rat. Whenever Nick had a bad case, whenever he was trying to find a solution to a problem he could barely understand, whenever it seemed like he was gonna buckle under the pressure of this job I always knew where he’d go. Nicky may be that guy that takes care of the whole world and he may have that mentality that he can’t break down in front of the rest of us, but man Greg he’s never applied that to you. It seemed like any time he was hurting and we couldn’t find him we always knew where to go and sure enough there he’d be standing in your lab with some cheesy grin on his face while you did your thing.

“I think this… need for you to be strong for him isn’t new and I think your ability to do it isn’t something new either. I think you’ve been Nick’s rock for years you just didn’t realize it and he didn’t realize that he was depending on you to be. I think the only reason he hasn’t come to you before now with all this new stuff is because you weren’t in the lab anymore. Things changed once you moved out into the field and none of us took the time to realize or consider how much Nick needed you there for him and how much you needed to be there. Once you were out of training we should have switched the teams up so you and Nicky were together, but neither Grissom nor I were paying enough attention to see that once that support system the two of you had worked out had been taken away that we needed to help you find a way to build a new one.

“As for him changing his mind goes… honey I don’t see that happening ever. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one notices and honestly the fact that he IS so convinced you are the one makes me believe I’m right. You gotta remember Greg, Nick isn’t like you. You’re more spontaneous than he is. You see a problem and you jump into it without stopping to wonder what you’re gonna do about it. You see something you want, and other than the huge amount of time you’ve spent waiting for Nick, you go after it before stopping to wonder how you’re going to get it. Nick isn’t like that. Nick’s a thinker. People sometimes miss it because he’s such a deeply caring person that they miss the thinking part while they are concentrating on the emotional part. He probably thinks too much. I would bet he’s been thinking and planning and considering and turning over every possible outcome of this long before you ever stepped up and offered your assistance. You said that he’s been wishing you were there for awhile now, but I bet that isn’t all he’s been doing. Chances are he knows exactly what he wants. Sure it may seem like he’s moving at light speed, but it’s only because he’s got all the possible outcomes worked out in his head. I don’t think he’s moving at light speed at all. I think he’s moving like a snail you just never knew he was moving before now ‘cause he was going so painstakingly slow and now you’re just realizing that he’s moved from the starting line to where you’re at.

“And as far as you feeling guilty about anything goes… don’t. You haven’t exactly been just sitting around twiddling your thumbs Greg. You’ve had a lot going on. The fact that you noticed all this before the rest of us just goes to prove how damn much you love the man, how much attention you pay him, and how tuned into him you are. All you can worry about is from today forward. If you worry about everything that didn’t happen yesterday then you two will never make it and honey you aren’t the only one who wouldn’t make it through that. I saw Nicky yesterday before he went out with Warrick and I gotta tell you baby, I don’t remember the last time he was that happy. And that was all you kid. You did it. So don’t start second guessing yourself now. Just be you like you always have. That’s all Nick needs.”

“Greg?” Nick’s head appeared around the corner he and Catherine were hiding behind and seeing the uncertainty and slight fear in his eyes Greg shoved away from the wall pulling Nick to him. “I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t know where you were and… I heard Catherine… I hope I didn’t interrupt. I’ll go away if you aren’t done.”

Greg smiled into the back of Nick’s head as the older man rested his face in the crook of his neck. “You aren’t interrupting anything Nicky. You are priority number one remember?” Feeling Nick’s arms tighten around him and hearing the sigh, Greg kissed the back of his neck before connecting his eyes with Catherine who was smiling at them with eyes that looked suspiciously shiny. Standing quiet for a moment with Nick in his arms, Greg thought about all of the things she had said to him and felt his uncertainty slowly drain away. Whatever happened from here on out he refused to doubt in the rightness or the authenticity of this thing building between them.

Greg watched Catherine slip away and felt Nick straighten smiling shyly. “Can we go now? I think I am ready for that no seriousness thing you talked about.” Nodding Greg took Nick’s hand and led him out of the station smiling his thanks at Catherine as he passed where she was standing with Grissom and Brass.

Watching the pair walk away Catherine turned her gaze on Grissom. “We need to make some changes when they get back. I know you like pairing Nick with Warrick and Greg with Sara, but that has to stop. If you are gonna pair them with anyone it needs to be each other, especially if it looks like it’s gonna be a tough case.”

Grissom shook his head frowning. “I don’t think that would be a wise idea Catherine. Their relationship could compromise what they are doing.”

Putting her hands on her hips Catherine nailed Grissom in place with her glare not willing to loose this discussion. “Or they could become the best damn team we have. There is something to be said for working with someone who understands you as completely as they do each other. I’m not saying do it every day, but for big cases, DB’s or things we know are tough on them we need to put them together otherwise we are gonna loose them both. They’re falling apart and it’s our fault.

“They were a team long before Greg went out into the field. It’s just none of us really paid enough attention to what we were seeing. We saw Nick going to Greg’s lab when he didn’t need to or when he was upset, but none of us ever stopped to question why. We knew Greg asked about Nick’s cases especially when he hadn’t seen him or knew he was having a tough time, but we never stopped to ask ourselves what the reasoning was behind it. And we sure as hell didn’t notice that once Greg was out in the field and not in the lab where Nick could find him whenever he needed that it started to affect them.

“Greg is the one that keeps Nick together. Greg is the one person Nick leans on when he thinks he can’t handle it anymore. Nick is one of the few people Greg listens to completely and without question and who can keep him focused and takes him seriously more often than not. Yes their relationship could be an issue, but I think more likely it’s going to be their strength. There won’t be any issues with who gets credit for what, who has to do the shitty part. We won’t have to worry about Nick loosing it on a kid case or Greg falling apart on a burning victim case.

“Tell me something. We both know that one of the reasons Nick went into that goddamn cellar alone is because Warrick was the one he was paired with. They may be friends, but Nick would cut off his arm before he’d admit to Rick that he couldn’t do something because Warrick would never let him live it down and their competitive streak with each other gets in the way of their judgment. So pretend that it had been Greg and Nick on that scene instead of Warrick and Nick. Nick is in the backyard staring at those doors knowing what is down there and that someone has to go down. Knowing Greg is inside the house what does he do?”

Grissom sighed shrugging a shoulder. “That is easy. He would have immediately called Greg to come around back. Once Greg got there he would have found a way to convince Nick to let him be the one to go down without bruising Nick’s ego and he never ever would have brought up the fact that Nick was afraid. That is assuming that Nick even went into the back yard alone. Chances are they would have processed the house together then went into the back together. Alright I see your point. I’ll give them a chance. But if this doesn’t work out it’s on you Catherine.”

Smiling Catherine bounced happily unconcerned and headed off back to the lab. “No worries Grissom. I know I’m right about this.”

Grumbling Grissom looked at Brass who was smirking at him. “You do realize she’s never going to let you forget this was her idea right? ‘Cause the woman has a point. As much as Sanders drives me up a wall, he is the perfect compliment to Nick and they probably will become your best team.” Seeing Grissom’s glare Brass just laughed and patted the man on the back. “Come on, I’ll buy you lunch.”

***

Nick walked into the front room and leaned against a wall watching Greg standing at the front of the window talking to someone on his cell. He’d been making calls non-stop since they’d gotten to his apartment, but refused to tell him what was up. Nick had already checked out Greg’s entire apartment reacquainting himself with the place since it had been awhile since he’d been there. Not much had changed though, the fish tanks were still empty, and Nick always wondered why Greg didn’t either fill them again or get rid of them. Mentally he made a note to himself to ask Greg that question sometime.

“No Grissom for the last time I am not telling you where we are going.” Nick arched an eyebrow at Greg’s bravado. Usually he wasn’t quite so brave with their boss, but then Griss had that way of intimidating a person and Nick always wondered if he did it intentionally or if it was one of those natural things. “No Grissom you don’t need to know. Unless the world is coming to an end there is nothing that you need to contact us about because I am not bringing him back until I see fit.”

So they were going away. Shifting suddenly somewhat anxious Nick tried to decide how he felt about that. “I know he hasn’t been away since then except to go home to Texas, Griss that’s kinda the point. Yes I know it isn’t safe for us to just disappear that’s why there are two people that will know where we are going to be and one of them will NOT be you. I know you. I may be able to get away for four days without you pestering me but we both know Nick can’t. You’ll find some reason why you just HAVE to have him back for some damn case and it isn’t happening. Like I said if the world is ending then someone can let us know, but we probably still won’t come back. Better to die in paradise than here.”

Nick couldn’t help but smile at Greg’s antics. He could just picture Grissom’s face and knew Greg was driving their boss insane. If there was anyone in the world who was a bigger freak about being in control than he was it was Grissom. “I don’t care! You aren’t listening to me. I SAID NO! You aren’t going to fire us and we both know it so don’t waste your breath. I’m not telling you who the two people are. No I take that back. I will tell you one of them because I know there is no chance in hell she is going to tell you where I’ve taken Nick. So if you feel like calling Nick’s mother and trying to get the info out of her feel free. Just do remember she is one of those lawyer type people huh?”

Nick’s eyebrow lifted at that information. He wondered briefly if his mom really already knew what was up or not. “Of course I’ve already talked to her Grissom, the woman happens to like me. She says I am good for Nick and I am one of her favorite of his friends. Yes she did say that you can ask her when you call. Oh? What you aren’t calling? I can’t imagine why not. No I won’t tell you who else knows, but if something comes up and we really HAVE to be contacted and it’s work related we will be. It could be anyone Grissom.”

Nick watched Greg turn and arched an eyebrow as Greg grinned before slowly moving his way. “No Grissom. You really had issues with that word as a child didn’t you? Yes I realize you’re my boss. Look. For the last time, I’m going to spell it out then I am hanging up. Nick and I are leaving town for at LEAST 4 days. Nick isn’t taking his phone, because I’m not letting him. I’m taking mine because I’m not as nice as Nick and I won’t answer it if I don’t wanna talk to someone and I’m not going to answer for anyone except the two people who will know where we are. Nick needs a break so I’m giving it to him. I’m not telling you where we’re going because you don’t need to know. This isn’t about you, it isn’t about work, and it isn’t about anyone but Nick. So deal. Nick’s mother and one other person know where we’re going. I am sorry this upsets your control thing, but frankly you’re just gonna have to deal. So have a nice at least four days and I’ll call you when we come back.” Greg hit end then closed his phone putting it in his pocket before closing the remaining space between then pulling Nick into his arms.

“So,” Greg said studying Nick’s face. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Nick cocked his head to one side then shrugged. “I’m not sure. I’m kinda nervous that we’re going away, but at the same time I think… maybe… I’m kinda looking forward to it. Does my mother really know where we’re going?”

Nick watched Greg grin big as he nodded. “Yes sir, I called her right after the hotel and my buddy who can get me tickets to anything. She says to call her before we leave.”

Nick half frowned and half smirked trying to decide how he felt about this. “I didn’t know you and my mother… talked. How long has this been going on?”

Greg didn’t answer that right away taking time to decide how to answer that. He could make something up and be insured that Nick wouldn’t worry, but then have to worry himself about Nick finding out the truth later. He could tell half the story, and run a small risk of Nick being upset and still have to worry about the whole truth coming out later. Or, he could just tell the whole truth and run a big risk of Nick freaking out, but not have to worry that something will come out of the woodwork later.

“Honestly? Since you were in the hospital after you got buried. We met there and got to talking about things. Your mom is really cool not at all what I expected I gotta tell you. She’s completely different that my mom although I guess that isn’t saying much. I was upset one night ‘cause I hadn’t been able to see you yet because I seemed to always be the low man on the totem pole and she was walking past one of the waiting rooms and heard me. So she came in and we just kinda talked. I guess I better just admit right off I told her I was crazy in love with you although in my defense I hadn’t slept in about two days and I was bawling my eyes out. Fortunately she took it well.

“Since then we just kinda… you know talk occasionally. Since I know you’re gonna ask yes sometimes it’s about you, but not always. I mean, you know like I said she isn’t like my mom… hell she is a mom and mine well… motherhood wasn’t her deal. Sometimes she gets worried about you and she knows we’re pals so she calls me to see if I think you’re ok. We have a deal. I don’t lie to her and she doesn’t ask me things that would betray our friendship. If you didn’t wanna talk about something she doesn’t call me to get me to rat you out… it’s just… I dunno.” Greg shrugged and eyed Nick nervously. “So how pissed off are you?”

Nick chewed on his lip as he considered the question. “I dunno, man. I mean it is kinda weird I admit knowing you and my mom talk, and I guess it makes me a little paranoid, but then I trust you and I know she loves me. Plus I know how my mom is. If she knows you and your mom aren’t close then the first thing she woulda done is taken you in that’s just kinda how she is. You don’t talk to my dad do you?”

“GOD NO!” Greg exclaimed then blushed at the look on Nick’s face. “I mean umm… no. Not that your dad isn’t… nice… I’m sure. He just… well… scares the crap outta me. I mean I don’t care who many times you mom promises she would never let him, I am positive the next time he sees me he’s bringing his shot gun and I’m gonna end up on Doc Robbin’s slab. No, your dad and I umm… not so much on the conversation thing.”

Nick tried to be upset that Greg was basically dissing his father, but he couldn’t, not even in pretend. He couldn’t even picture Greg and his dad speaking they were just too… different. His father would have no clue how to take someone like Greg and Greg would know it. “So um, he doesn’t know you um like me then?”

Greg smiled placing a kiss on Nick’s cheek before answering. “Yes he knows. I begged your mother not to tell, but she refused. That’s why he scares me. I hadn’t met him before then and every time I saw him after he’s looked at me like… like I’m in his court. I feel like some kinda thug or something. Scary scary man Nicky. I’m sure he was a good dad, but… yeah.” Chuckling Nick pulled Greg in for a kiss feeling it run through his body and suddenly his father was the last thing on his mind.

It was hard for him to believe that it had taken so long for him to experience this. Since that first kiss in his kitchen Nick tried remembering anything that came close to the feeling he got when Greg kissed him, but nothing else even came close. It was so completely perfect, so full of feeling and passion like Greg was kissing not just his lips but his whole body, his soul even and for the moments while their mouths were locked together all the bad things he’d gone through in his life didn’t matter didn’t even exist really. All he felt was good and whole and for the first time in his life like he belonged in that moment. When Greg broke the kiss, Nick wanted to protest. He wanted to hold their mouths together forever so that the good feeling could never leave and the bad could never come back. “Hey, it’s ok,” he heard Greg whispering and taking a deep breath smiled shakily. “We got all the time in the world babe.” Greg reassured before kissing him on the cheek again then pulling away.

“OK you call your mom while I throw together what I need to take then we’re outta here.”

Nick watched Greg head down the hall and only when he’d disappeared from his sight into the bedroom did he find the couch where he could sit while he talked to his mom.

“Hey momma,” he greeted once she picked up.

“My baby,” She said and Nick could tell she was smiling. “So I am assuming Greg told you he was taking you away. You’re ok with that?”

Nick nodded before remembering he was on the phone. “Yeah, I mean I’m nervous and if it was anyone else I wouldn’t go, but its Greg and… God momma I just… I know you and dad have been worried, but I gotta tell you right now I feel better than I have in… I don’t even know how long. He makes me feel so good and safe and… happy God momma so happy. He protects me and takes care of me and sticks up for me. I don’t feel bad or ashamed about not bein’ strong enough all the time when I’m with him ‘cause he just makes it all seem so right. I just wish this had happened before now. Now that I know how good it is…”

“Wow, you really are happy aren’t you baby? How long has this been going on between you? I mean I knew you were friends and… well… how long have you two been dating… officially?” Nick squirmed at his mother’s question, but touched his lips remembering the kiss and smiled again.

“Just a couple days… officially, but momma it feels like…” Nick paused searching for the words. “It feels like we’ve always been this way. Like we’ve been together for years, but we’re just making it official now. I was thinking the other day after he left that… this isn’t really so different. I mean, Greg’s always meant a lot to me momma, you know that, but I didn’t… I didn’t realize how much I’ve always counted on him to make everything ok ‘til just recently. I mean Greg just… I don’t know he just always makes it seem so much less… bad and painful and scary and… he never makes me feel less for feeling those things ya know?

“He makes me feel like its ok not to be…” Nick paused struggling with what he wanted to say hearing his mother sigh on the other end of the line.

“He doesn’t make you feel bad for not being your father you mean,” she said gently and Nick hung his head biting his lip and nodding.

“Yeah, I mean… yeah that’s it exactly. He doesn’t act like I’m some defective person for not being ‘a man’s man’ ya know? I love dad mom I do I just… I’m so tired and with Greg… He makes me feel like maybe I could be me and there wouldn’t be anything in the world wrong with that.”

Mrs. Stokes sighed wondering how things had managed to go so terribly wrong with her youngest child for so long and at that moment loved Greg even more than she already did. From the day she’d met him she’d believed he was a perfect match for her youngest son, but even in her wildest hopes and dreams she had never imagined the young man could have this profound of an effect on her son. “Nick, your father loves you as much as I do. I know things here weren’t easy for you when you were growing up. Being the youngest, always feeling like you had a million different expectations you had to live up to. I know it was hard and I know it was easy for you to feel like you HAD to be a certain way, but all your father and I have ever wanted was for you to be happy.

“Now I know your father isn’t the most… open person in the world and I know people have always expected you to be just like him because your brother is, but son those were other people’s expectations not ours. Yes we had certain hopes and dreams for you, it’s natural every parent does, and maybe your father was a little less able to give up on his when you fought to make your own path, but he would never want you to suffer trying to be something you aren’t for his sake.

“Go have fun with Greg. He’s a good man and he’s perfect for you. I think you’re going to love the things he has planned for you. So forget about expectations and bad things and just… just enjoy being with him. Enjoy falling in love with him, baby. I love you. Call me when you get back ok? I gotta go.”

Nick said goodbye and hung up wiping off his cheeks. When he looked up he saw Greg standing leaning against the doorway. “I don’t think my momma has ever liked anyone I was interested in so much. So do I get to at least know where we’re going?”

Greg grinned big and nodded. “Nope.”

Nick opened his mouth and wanted to frown but instead he found himself grinning. He didn’t care where they were going as long as they were going together. Suddenly Nick was excited to get there.

***

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