Title: The Jerry Springer Show: Episode 627 "Work relationships"
Author: nixie noo
Pairing: Sara/Sofia
Fandom: CSI
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: There are plenty of references here... you have been warned!
Disclaimers: I don't own the jerry show... nor would I want to *sniggers*
Notes: This is just a bit of fun, not much more to say :)

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(The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!”

Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Sara is here to finally confess something to her friend Catherine. (Looks to Sara) So Sara, you and Catherine first met when? 

Sara: About seven years ago, we work together Jerry. 

Jerry: Ok and how long have you been keeping a secret from her?

Sara: I can’t give you an exact date, but I would say about six months now… 

Voice from backstage: That’s seven!!

Sara: Seven!! I mean seven Jerry!

Jerry: Ok, so seven months. And are you ready to tell Catherine now?

Sara: Yes, I think I have too.

Jerry: So everyone please put your hands together for Catherine! 

(The crowd whoops and hollers. Catherine walks in waving to the crowd and takes a seat next to Sara)
 
Jerry: Hi Catherine, welcome to the show. 

Catherine: Thank you Jerry.

Jerry: So Catherine, obviously your here for a reason, something concerning Sara, do you have any idea as to what that might be?

Catherine: No…not in the slightest, inlighten me!

Jerry: Over to you Sara!

(Sara looks nervously around her) 

Sara: Ok (turns to Catherine) Catherine, I’m sorry it’s taken me 6 months…

Voice from backstage: seven months!! 

Sara: Seven months

Catherine: Wait was that Sofia? (She looks behind her at the flowing red curtains at the back of the stage) 

Sara: Oh god!  

Catherine: Sara, what the hells going on?

(The crowd goes wild and Jerry calms them down!)

Sara: Ok, don’t freak out but it’s about Sofia and me, we are together!

(The crowd squeals with delight)

Catherine: WHAT THE *Bleep* how could you *bleep* do that when I *Bleep* love you? You *Bleep, bleep!*

(Sofia runs on stage pushing the bouncers aside. She pulls a tooth pick out of her pocket and wiggles it in front of Catherine’s face to taunt her.)

Sofia: You *Bleep* don’t you *Bleep* speak to her like that! I will kill you with my tooth pick you *bleep* you hear me!

(The bouncers pull her back and she fights them until they force her in a seat the other side of Sara away from Catherine.)

Sara: You look sexy when you’re angry you know that?

(Crowd whistles and cheers)

Jerry: (to the crowd) Ok, Ok settle down folks…

Sofia: Only for you sweet cheeks! 

(Sofia holds Sara’s hand)

Catherine: Oh please I think I’m gonna be sick!

(Sofia rolls her eyes at Catherine and Sara whispers to Sofia to calm her down)

Jerry: Ok, so welcome Sofia!

Sofia: Hi Jerry!

Jerry: So it’s clear to me that Catherine, you had no idea about their relationship, in fact you thought all this time there was a chance that you and Sara might end up together?
 
Catherine: No, not exactly!

Jerry: Wait that’s not what you told us before the show? 

Catherine: I’m seeing the error of my way’s Jerry!

Sara: Come on Cath don’t be like that!

(Meanwhile Sofia starts nibbling on a tooth pick suggestively) 

Catherine: Don’t act all sweet with me Sara!!

Jerry: Ok hold up you two lets get this straight (Coughs) so to speak! 

Sofia (under her breath): Funny!

Jerry: Catherine, so you’re obviously not happy with this? How are you going to deal with this situation while working with them?

Catherine: What do you think, I’m *Bleep* furious!!

Sofia: Hey watch your mouth sister!

(Catherine get's up off of her seat and Sara stands up to stop her from going for Sofia. The crowd cheers them!)

Sara: Catherine, don't. 

(They both sit back down)

Jerry: Sara do you feel this can be resolved?

Sara: Well I know what I want… (Looks at Sofia and they both smile) I wish Catherine could accept that.

Catherine: (Stands up, dusting herself off) Right, that’s enough, let’s wrap this thing up!! I need to get back to a 401, FYI a homicide!! That reminds me - where is my cell phone?

Jerry: Wait a moment Catherine if you’d like to take a seat we’re not done here just yet, we still have a few surprises lined up!

Sara: What?

Catherine: Oh come on!

Jerry: everybody please welcome Gil Grissom!

(Crowd goes wild)

Sara: Grissom?

(Grissom walks on set and a seat is brought out and placed next to Sofia)

Sofia (tooth pick in mouth): You gotta be kidding me!

Jerry: Grissom, mind if I call you Gil?

Grissom: Not at all Jerry!

Jerry: Well Gil, welcome.

Grissom: Thanks, good to be here! 

Jerry: Not so fast Gil! In case you haven’t been watching I will recap; Sara here has just confessed to friend and work colleague Catherine that she is having a relationship with Sofia. Catherine has secretly been in love with Sara... 

Catherine: I retain that Jerry!!

Jerry: And now Gil you have something else to add? 

Grissom: Well I have something I would like to inform our couple about actually….

Sara: Wait….

Jerry: Ok, sure Gil, go ahead!

Grissom: I saw Sara with Greg few nights ago outside the mini-mart kissing!

Sara: That? Oh please nothing happened!!

Sofia: I already know about this Jerry!! (Looks at Sara) baby you told me so don’t worry!

Jerry: Hold on, Greg is also a work colleague correct?

Sara, Sofia in unison: Yes!

Jerry: Well we have a surprise for you both, because as it just so happens there is someone else here to help clear this up! So let's bring him out ... Greg! 

Sara: What the…! 

(Sofia nearly swallows her tooth pick as Greg appears from out of the shadows.) 

Greg: Wait everybody, wait! 

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First of all, Greg, welcome to the show, please take a seat. (Sits next to Catherine) Would you like to tell us why you're here Greg? 

Greg: Sure, because I saw Grissom and Sofia getting on in his office last week!

(The crowd goes absolutely insane)

Sofia: That’s a lie Greg! 

Grissom: Well… 

(Grissom raises an eyebrow suggestively and Sofia flings her tooth pick at him hitting him square in the head) 

Grissom: Ouch! Sofia? 

Sofia: There’s plenty more where that came from if you don’t tell them the truth!

Grissom: Ok, Ok she's right nothing happened! 

Greg: Well I know what I saw and it wasn’t the dead bugs wriggling around!

Catherine: God I’m gonna throw up!

Sara: Sofia?

Sofia: No baby nothing happened! (Points with her tooth pick at Greg) Just because you’re a bad kisser and you asked Sara if she would show you! 

Greg: That's a lie! I was home that night watching Spiderman on surround sound! 

Sara to Sofia: Hey if you do confess to this thing with Gil over here we could go and have great make up sex tonight?

(Catherine runs out with her hand over her mouth!)

Sofia: No, nothing happened but how about if I confess to breaking your plastic chakrum that you brought at the Xena con last year?

Sara: (looks to Greg) Greg cover your ears (He does) Sofia we used my Chakrum for role play remember that one time, that’s when you… (Uses her hands like a diagram) 

Greg: Oh my god is that possible?

Sofia: Greg!! She said cover em!!! (Points at him with her tooth pick)

Jerry: Wait a moment! 

Greg: Not my eye’s she didn’t!

Grissom: Well I for one am intrigued!

Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, Ok how about we get back on track to today’s show and save that conversation for the after party! So now let's clear this up so we all know exactly what’s going on. Sara and Sofia have been together for six months.

Sofia and Sara in unison: Seven! 

Jerry: Catherine has... Left obviously upset. Gil you have told us Sara and Greg were kissing the other night but it seems that's OK because Greg is a bad kisser and Sara being the good friend offered to help him out. Now Greg has told us that something may be going on with Gil and Sofia?

Sofia: No Jerry, sorry but we have cleared that up!

Jerry: Right! So what’s left but to congratulate the both of you Sara and Sofia, I think you nearest and dearest will eventually get over the shock and hopefully come to...

(Catherine appears from the opening in the red curtains)

Jerry: ...accept this, wait Catherine, you back?

(Catherine saunters around holding...)

Sofia/Sara/Greg/Grissom: Nick?

(...Nicks hand!)

Nick: Hey guys!

(Catherine pulls him around the arrangement of chairs and heading for Sofia. Sofia puts her tooth pick out in front of her)

Sofia: Make one false move Blondie and I will poke you eye out with this thing!

Jerry: Can we get a bouncer or something?

Catherine: Oh please (she snatches the tooth pick from her) now listen up... Blondie! It's man I want not a woman, a man like Nicky here! (Nick waves) So you better treat this one right, or I will make sure that you never get to nibble another damn tooth pick ever again do you hear me?

Sofia: wait so you and Nick?

Sara: Nick?

Nick: No...!

(Catherine hits his arm) 

Nick: ...I mean...

Jerry: Ok so yet another twist to the show, guys if you wouldn't mind taking a seat I think we are nearing the end now. All that's left to do is thank my guest Catherine, Gil, Greg, and to Sara, and Sofia may you live happily ever after.

Sara: Thank you!

Sofia (whispers to Sara): So tonight; make up sex is it on?

Sara: You still got the Gabrielle costume right?

(The crowd squeals, Sofia blushes) 

Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] it’s times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other. 

(We see Warrick walk on stage and congratulate Sara and Sofia as the cheesy background music plays and we fade to black) 

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