Title: When Your Heart Is Weak
Author: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Spencer Reid
Fandom: CSI/Criminal Minds
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,829
Warning: ongoing series
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Spencer Reid, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Greg sighed as he closed the door of his apartment, throwing his jacket haphazardly on the couch and heading for the bedroom. He didn't have a client tonight, but he really didn't feel like sitting here at home by himself, even though that was what he'd end up doing.

Ever since Spencer had left, four days ago, he'd felt at loose ends. He had told his boss at the escort service in no uncertain terms that he was no longer available for what they referred to as "overnight work," and that was giving him a lot more free time.

It was made clear to any man who wanted to hire him as an escort that he would be nothing more than their company and arm candy for the evening. There would be no spending the night, no sex of any kind, not even a good-night kiss. Greg was off limits.

Several clients who he'd made an apparent impression on had protested, and one had even tried their best to talk him out of it, which had resulted in the man suffering a well-placed knee to the groin, and being ousted from the escort service's list of clients.

Greg didn't really care what his former clients thought; they had never meant anything more to him than a professional responsibility. He had considered some of them friends, but he'd never been particularly close to any of them, or wanted a relationship with them.

Everything in his life had changed when he had met Spencer. It was amazing how one look, one smile, one touch from the right man had transformed everything about his existence; all that he'd thought he wanted had been turned upside down, and he would never be the same.

No one else had ever managed to crawl into his heart and soul in the way that Spencer had. Even people who had tried for a very long time hadn't found that inner sanctum; Greg kept his heart too carefully guarded for anyone to find their way inside.

But Spencer had managed to find a chink in his armor; he had made his way inside when Greg's heart was weak, when he'd let that carefully fortified wall crumble for just a few moments. And now that he was there, he wasn't going to leave.

He didn't want Spencer to leave his heart, Greg told himself. He wanted them to make this work, even if it was going to be really hard to maintain a relationship with so much physical distance between them. They would manage to do it somehow.

Greg was determined not to lose this man, now that Spencer had come into his life. But he knew better than to try to hold on too tightly; that was one thing he himself couldn't stand. He didn't like men who were clingy, and he was sure that Spencer didn't, either.

Clinginess wasn't attractive, and he wasn't going to let Spencer see him in that light. No matter how much he missed his boyfriend, when they talked on the phone, he wasn't going to whine about them not being together and ask Spencer when he would be back.

They had talked for a while every day since Spencer had left; he was still on a case, but when he was in his hotel room alone at night, he always called Greg. Just hearing the sound of his lover's voice made him feel as though there was no distance between the two of them.

All he had to do was close his eyes, and Spencer's voice seemed to wrap around him, holding him as gently and as closely as though he was actually in his lover's arms. It wasn't as good as having Spencer with him, but it was better than nothing.

Tonight when they talked, he would ask Spencer casually if he had any idea when he might be in Vegas again. He'd gone for four days without the question coming out, surely asking once in a while wasn't a bad thing, was it? Greg asked himself, frowning as he did.

He didn't want Spencer to feel that he was being pushy, so maybe it was best not to say anything. But he had to know when he would see his boyfriend again, even if it was just a tentative date and he ended up being disappointed if Spencer could be here then.

He understood about Spencer's work, Greg told himself. He really did. He knew that his boyfriend worked for the government, and that what he did was crucial in catching criminals. He knew that Spencer's work had to come before any relationship he had.

But it was so hard to simply accept the fact that they couldn't be together like a normal couple was, that Spencer couldn't be here in Las Vegas all the time. Still, if he wanted to keep this man in his life, he had to accept that Spencer's work was important to him.

He wasn't going to whine and insist that Spencer leave his job and move here. That wouldn't be fair to his boyfriend. If he loved Spencer, then he could accept the restrictions that had been placed on them, and enjoy what time they did have together.

It was worth dealing with those restrictions just to have Spencer in his life, Greg told himself. He had no reason to complain; he was in a committed relationship with a man he loved, who loved him in return. The distance imposed on them by Spencer's job didn't matter.

Would he have thought that way before he'd met this man and fallen heard over heels? No, Greg thought wryly. He wouldn't have let his heart be so weak before he'd met Spencer; he wouldn't have let anyone else find their way inside and wrap themselves around his very soul.

But Spencer Reid was someone special, someone who it was worth making adjustments for. Greg had never fallen like this for anyone, or even thought that falling this hard could be possible. This was an entirely new experience for him, in so many ways.

If he hadn't let his heart weaken and let Spencer inside, then he would never have known what it was like to fall so utterly in love, a love that enveloped him completely. He would have never had this kind of experience with anyone else; he was sure of that.

Spencer had come into his life at exactly the right time, slipping comfortably into his world when he had least expected it. And Greg didn't want that to change. He wanted Spencer to stay right where he was -- next to his heart, an integral part of his life.

They hadn't chosen an easy path, not with their respective jobs and the distance that they were forced to be separated by. But Greg was certain that they would make their relationship work; they cared about each other too much to lose what they shared.

He wouldn't let them lose it, Greg told himself fiercely. No matter who might try to come between them, he wouldn't let it happen. And if his own job -- either one of them -- threatened his relationship with Spencer in any way, then he would quit.

Spencer was the most important thing in his life. As much as he loved working at the crime lab, if that job somehow became an impediment to his relationship, then he would choose Spencer over his work. It would hurt to do it, but he would make the sacrifice.

Somehow, it didn't seem to matter that he had spent a lot of time and money training for this job, and that he was proud of what he did. Even the upward climb to being a field CSI instead of just working in the lab meant nothing to him, if it meant that he had to lose Spencer.

Maybe other people wouldn't think the same -- but he wasn't other people. He wasn't like Catherine and Nick, willing to push everything and everyone in their lives aside so they could advance in their jobs and lord it over everyone in the lab. His personal life came first.

That wasn't going to win him any promotions at the crime lab, Greg thought with a grimace. But again, it didn't matter. Nothing was as important as his relationship with Spencer -- and he could always find another job somewhere, with his credentials.

But for now, that wasn't an issue. Even his escort job didn't cut into his relationship; lines had been drawn, and he hoped that all of his clients, both in the present and the future, would be able to stay behind them. And if not .... then he would simply leave.

After all, thanks to Spencer declaring that he was now living here when he was in Vegas and insisting on helping with the rent, a lot of the financial pressure was off. He didn't have to hold on to the escort job, and he had a feeling that he wouldn't be doing it for much longer.

Still, he wanted to ease out of it gradually. It wasn't something that he would just drop without a moment's notice; that wouldn't be fair to the people who ran the service, or to the clients who had already booked him a couple of weeks in advance.

Maybe that was another sign of his heart being weak, Greg thought wryly. He was too soft when it came to things like this; he didn't want to let anyone down. So he let himself be pulled in a direction that he wanted to walk away from, albeit reluctantly.

He'd never been able to walk away easily from anything; he had a tendency to hold onto what was safe and familiar. He had to stop doing that, Greg admonished himself. This relationship with Spencer had taken him into uncharted territory, and it was both exhilarating and terrifying.

This was entirely new for him -- both letting his heart be so weak and letting Spencer find a safe haven within it, and giving himself so completely to another person in an emotional sense. And for some reason, that weakness didn't feel wrong in any way. In fact, it felt good.

Greg smiled as his cell phone rang; he knew without having to look at the number that it was Spencer. He leaned forward to pick it up, feeling his heart start to pound in his chest. His heart might be weak when it came to Spencer -- but it was a weakness that he welcomed with open arms.

***