Title: Can't Stop Loving You
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Post-ep for the S11 CSI: Vegas episode "Cello and Goodbye," and a sequel to the Greg/Nick fic "Before My Heart Finds Out". Completely unrelated to the other Greg/Nick series that I write.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Nick Stokes, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Nick sighed as he looked down at the report on his desk, trying to concentrate on the words in front of him. He couldn't seem to focus at all; none of the words made sense, no matter how many times he read them. They were just black lines dancing before his eyes.

All he could think of, all that he could see before him, was Greg. He could see -- and hear -- his former lover telling him, albeit gently, that he had to put what they had shared in the past and move on. It was obvious that Greg had moved on -- but he himself couldn't.

He was still stuck in the same place he had been when Greg had first left -- even though he could believe it now, it still felt unreal, as though he was living in a dream that he would wake up from at some point. It didn't seem permanent; he still felt that they could be together.

Was he just holding to a dream that could never come true? Nick sighed, leaning back in his chair and giving up on trying to make sense of the words parading in front of him. He couldn't concentrate on them with Greg so much in the forefront of his mind.

Even when Greg wasn't in the same room with him, he could feel the other man's presence in the crime lab. Greg was here somewhere; if he walked around in the halls, sooner or later, he would find his former boyfriend. He was always around, always in Nick's life.

How was he supposed to let go and move on when his life, and more importantly, his heart, was still filled with Greg? He couldn't think of the time he had spent with the younger man as being just a fond memory. He wanted that time back, wanted it to go on.

Jonah had said that he hadn't lost Greg's love, and Nick wanted to believe the other man's words. More than anything, he wanted to feel that he and Greg could still have a chance, even though Greg didn't seem to feel the same way about the situation.

But he was going to hold on to that hope, until he knew that it didn't exist any more. He might make a fool of himself, and Greg might not want him to hold on to what they'd had -- but he couldn't help it. He couldn't simply stop loving Greg. It wasn't possible.

Did Greg think he was made of stone? He couldn't just turn off his feelings for someone, even if he wanted to try. Nick sighed, propping his chin in his hands and closing his eyes. Greg probably thought he'd already done that long ago.

He had to admit that he hadn't treated Greg as well as he should have. He'd always acted as though his job came first, even though it didn't. But somehow, he had always gotten caught up in work -- and that had made Greg feel that he didn't matter.

Greg was the most important thing in his life. He always had been, even before their relationship had begun. But he had taken that relationship for granted once they'd been together for a while; he had just assumed that it would always be there.

Well, he'd found out the hard way that it wouldn't be, and he'd lost Greg in the process. But if what Jonah had told him was true, then maybe he hadn't lost. Jonah seemed to think that Greg still loved him -- and the other man was in a position to know.

Nick got up from his desk, abandoning the report. He wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything until he had seen Greg, talked to him, told the other man how he felt. Even if he had to do it here, in the lab, then he was going to. He didn't care about the consequences.

Besides, almost everybody here already knew about their relationship, Nick told himself as he made his way down the hall to the DNA lab. He knew that Greg wasn't in his office; if he wasn't there, he was more than likely in the lab, unless he'd been sent back out on a case.

No, there he was, squinting into a microscope, oblivious to everything around him. Nick stood silently in the doorway of the lab, watching Greg, taking in every graceful movement his former lover made, every nuance of expression that crossed his handsome features.

How could anyone believe he could ever stop loving this man? Greg wasn't the kind of person you just forgot about, even if you were forced to turn away from him. Once you fell for him, he stayed in your mind and heart forever, Nick told himself, feeling tears rise to his eyes.

What was he going to say to Greg now that he was here? It wasn't like he could just stand here in the lab and stare; that would only annoy Greg, and Nick wouldn't blame him for that. It was always more than a little disconcerting to be studied while he was working.

But so far, Greg hadn't looked up, and he wanted to stand here and drink the other man in for as long as he could. After all, he couldn't do this at home any more -- so why not do it while he had the chance at work? What was stopping him?

Nick sighed and turned away, knowing that people would start to ask questions if he just stood and stared at Greg. They might already know about their broken relationship, but he didn't want to see any looks of pity thrown his way. That was yet another thing he couldn't deal with.

As he started to move away from the door, Greg looked up and saw him, their eyes meeting across the expanse of space that separated them. Greg didn't say a word, only raised an eyebrow silently; Nick felt that he owed his former boyfriend some explanation.

"I-I needed to look at you," he said softly, glancing around to be sure that there was no one nearby to hear him. But the DNA lab seemed deserted; as far as he could tell, there was no one else on the hallway, not even in the offices. They were alone.

"You've got to stop obsessing over me, Nicky," Greg said, his voice soft. "I know it's hard for you to put us in the past, but you've got to. You're just making me feel guilty. I don't want you to be unhappy, but I don't want to feel responsible for your happiness, either."

"You're not responsible for me, Greg," he managed to say, swallowing hard to get rid of the lump that had taken up residence in his throat. The way that Greg said his name had made his heart leap with hope, but the other man's words had pushed that hope back down.

"I feel like I am," Greg told him, shaking his head. "I still care about you, Nick. You'll always be important to me. But you've got to move on and find somebody else to be with. Obsessing over me isn't going to do you any good, and I don't want to always feel like I'm hurting you."

"You're not hurting me," Nick protested, holding up both hands. "I'm the one who's doing that. But you can't just expect me to let go in the blink of an eye, Greg. I was the one who was left, remember? I can't stop loving you just like that. I need time."

Greg sighed, looking down at the floor and then back at Nick, their gazes meeting and holding. "You don't stop loving somebody just because you're not together any more," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I still love you, Nick. I always will. I just can't be with you any more."

"I'll always love you, too," Nick whispered, swallowing again. The tears were nearer to the surface now; if he didn't didn't get out of this room within the next few seconds, he was going to break down like a child and start bawling right here, in front of Greg.

"I never wanted to hurt you," Greg told him, sounding as though he was having a difficult time speaking. "But I couldn't let you keep hurting me, either. It was time for us to let go, Nick. But I'll always be here for you when you need a friend. I hope you know that."

"I do," Nick murmured, managing a smile as he turned and headed for the door. "I'm always here for you too, Greg. Don't forget that." He had to get out of here, had to get back to his own office or, better yet, to the mens' room where he could cry in private.

Nick made his way quickly down the hall to the bathroom, letting out a sigh of relief when he entered the room and found that there was no one else there. He leaned against one of the sinks, trying to resist the impulse to smash his fist into the mirror.

No, he wouldn't do that. It wouldn't change anything; he would have still lost Greg, and he would still feel miserable. It wouldn't make him stop loving Greg; all it would do was make his hand bloody, and probably cause him to need stitches.

Taking a deep breath, Nick looked at himself in the mirror, wishing that he could see something in himself that would bring Greg back to him. But instead, all he could see was a man who was hopelessly in love with someone who had moved on from what they had shared.

He had to move on, too. There was nothing else that he could do. He and Greg were over; it was time that he accepted the fact, and stopped trying to grab on to any straw of hope that might bring Greg back to his side. He had to realize that it wasn't going to happen.

But he would never stop loving Greg Sanders. No matter who else he might be with, Greg would always hold his heart -- and if there was ever any chance that he could be with Greg again, he would disentangle himself from anyone else he was with and grab that chance in a heartbeat.

It didn't look as though that was going to happen, but he couldn't douse the little spark of hope that still resided in his heart. Not yet. He couldn't give up. And he couldn't stop loving Greg, no matter how much he might try to convince himself that he should.

Heaving a sigh, Nick turned to leave the bathroom and head back to his office. He still had work to do; he had to get through the rest of this night so he could go home and collapse in bed -- and even though he no longer shared that bed with Greg, the hope that someday he would was still there.

***

Next story in series - At Close Range.