Title: Head On
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: gen, Ryan Wolfe
Fandom: CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5_prompts, Written in the Stars challenge
Prompt: F15, Be prepared for what is waiting for you
Author's Note: Continuation of "Make A Fresh Start".
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Ryan Wolfe, unfortunately, just borrowing him for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Ryan stared down at the papers in his hand, hardly able to believe that it had happened. He was holding his transfer in his hand; he was going to move to Las Vegas. This would be his last week with the Miami CSI squad; after that, he'd be moving on.

It didn't seem possible that the transfer could have come through so quickly, but the Vegas crime lab had said they would welcome him there. Ryan couldn't help but feel flattered; it was one of the best crime labs in the country, and they wanted him.

It was also one of the busiest crime labs in the country -- so he wouldn't have time to wonder if he'd made a mistake by transferring, or to regret the decision he'd made. It was over and done now, anyway -- there would be no going back once he actually got to Vegas.

It didn't seem possible that his life could have changed so quickly. It had taken him only a short while to come to the decision that he had to leave Miami after what had happened to him with the Cuban mob -- and then, everything had moved at warp speed.

It was almost as though Horatio and the rest of the team here were more than ready to get rid of him, Ryan thought cynically as he leaned back against the comfortable cushions of his living room couch. He had rarely seen Horatio make such a quick decision, even on a case.

Horatio had said that he was sorry to be losing Ryan -- but he said that he understood the reason Ryan had given him for wanting to get away from Miami. He knew about most of what Ryan had been through since he'd been on the team -- though not all of it.

Ryan shuddered at the remembrance of the time he'd spent being tortured at the hands of the Cuban mob -- and the memory of what they'd done to him. He hadn't told Horatio about that; he hadn't told anyone about it. He didn't want to remember it himself.

It wasn't just traumatic -- it was humiliating. He'd just been glad that the hospital hadn't tried to run a rape kit, or been overly intrusive when they'd examined him, though he was surprised that they hadn't noticed he was having trouble walking.

They'd probably taken the limp to be caused by being tied up for so long, he told himself. They would more than likely never have stopped to think that he'd been raped with a gun barrel; they would probably never believe that a cop would let that happen to them.

It wasn't as though he'd had a choice, Ryan thought bitterly. He'd been completely helpless, bent over a desk with his hands tied and a gag in his mouth. There had been no way that he could have stopped them, no matter how hard he tried.

And he had tried. He'd struggled and tried to scream, kicked out at them and writhed against his bonds until his wrists were bloody. But he hadn't been able to stop them, and they'd seemed to take even greater pleasure in violating him after he'd fought so hard against it.

He couldn't tell Horatio about that. He could never tell anyone about it. It would be a secret that he carried with him to his grave, something that he could never trust anyone enough to reveal. If he did, then he was sure he would live to regret letting that secret out.

He'd had to go to mandatory counseling sessions after he'd been kidnapped by the Cuban mob, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to tell that counselor about all that had been done to him. Some things were too dark, too personal, to be talked about with anyone.

And now, he didn't have to worry about anyone finding out what had happened. He was making a whole new start, heading into a different world. He would be doing the same sort of job, but it would be in a place where no one knew him.

He could start fresh, leave all the problems that he'd had here behind him. The only problem that he could think of was that he would have to be prepared for whatever lay ahead of him, and he wasn't quite sure just how he could do that.

It wasn't that a new situation scared him or made him uneasy; he was more than willing to go to a different place and meet new people. What was making him really apprehensive was the fact that he was going to a city where gambling was a way of life.

He would simply have to stay away from the casinos, he told himself firmly. As long as he didn't go there during the hours that he wasn't working, he would be fine. If he had to go there while he was on duty, it would be easy enough to keep away from temptation.

Ryan sighed, closing his eyes as he contemplated how hard it might be to resist that temptation. It was something that he hadn't taken into consideration when he'd heard that the Vegas crime lab was looking for a new CSI; he'd simply jumped at the chance.

He'd known that he needed to get out of Miami, to start fresh somewhere else. And he'd heard nothing but good things about the Vegas crime lab; it was one of the most respected in the country. It was a place where he was sure he could carve out his own niche.

He had never quite been able to do that here, even though he had tried his best to fit in with the rest of the team. But even though they had become his friends, he had never really felt that he was completely accepted, no matter what he did.

Hopefully, things would be different in the Vegas crime lab. He would be able to feel that he was accepted from the start -- and he wouldn't make the stupid mistakes that he had made when he had first started working with the lab here in Miami.

He would be the new guy, yes -- but he would have a much better idea of what his job was and what he would be doing than he'd had when he had begun working with the crime lab in Miami. He would be much better prepared for what he was getting himself into.

He was ready for this, Ryan told himself. He was on the right track, he was sure of it. He'd had some invaluable experience with the crime lab here in Miami, but it was time for him to move on to the next phase of his life. And that phase wasn't here.

Yes, he had friends here that he would miss -- and his family probably wouldn't like him being so far away from them. But he had to live his own life, and do what would make him happy. He was sure that he had made the right decision.

This was a big step, and one that he'd been a little hesitant to take. But in the end, he'd taken it -- and he was prepared for whatever might be waiting for him. It would be a whole new world, something for him to jump into head first, to immerse himself in.

Ryan took a deep breath, raising his head and getting to his feet. Yes, he was prepared for whatever might be heading his way. It was time for him to jump into this new world, to put the past behind him and move forward to meet the future head on.

***