Previous part of Lost and Found

***

He eventually made it home, Nick's home, just after eight in the evening.  And, without a shadow of doubt he felt better.  It was 2011 and he wasn't going to allow himself to wallow in the past any longer.  The exercise might have tired his body but it seemed to have cleared his mind; de-cluttered all the irrelevant stuff.  He felt focussed once more and would put all his stupid mistakes behind him.  He was moving forward.  He wouldn't mind if that could include Nick in some way.  But Nick had his own life and even if he was gay, a relationship with Gil might be the last thing on his mind.  He did hope that they would always be friends.  He seemed to have so few real friends.  Oh, he had plenty acquaintances...all over the world now, but so few he could or would call friends.

He hadn't heard from Nick again but he would be busy with his family.  Maybe he'd realised that they were flirting with each other and had withdrawn a little.  It was understandable.  For all Nick knew Gil was a heterosexual soon to be divorced man.  And if Nick was gay would he be interested in a bi man.  Although Nick could be bisexual; he had slept with at least one woman. 

Gil refused to become downhearted; he was moving forward.

So Gil settled back into his room and the house and put some washing in the machine.  He checked his e-mails and read a couple of articles and went to bed early. More settled that he'd felt for many months and possibly a few years...he was at a turning point in his life.  He'd lost himself somewhere along the line but, as he drifted off to sleep, he thought that maybe he'd found his old self once more.

Gil was up bright and early and after his now normal nutritious breakfast he set off for a walk with his poles.  He took some water and a cereal bar with him and headed off on a hike around the neighbourhood and towards the park.  He stayed out for three hours.  He felt really energised when he got home, the only thing he missed was his coffee.

He was waiting for the coffee machine to make his late morning panacea when Nick's landline rang.  He reached out and answered it, automatically.   It didn't ring very often; most of Nick's calls were on his cell phone.  Gil normally let it ring and go to the answering machine but here he was with the receiver at his ear...

"Hello?"

"You aren't my Texan lover boy now are you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why, what have you done, honey?"

"I beg your pardon?"  Gil was confused.

"Okay.  I'll speak slowly.  Who are you and what have you done with the body of Nicky?" The caller enunciated each word slowly.

"I'm a friend of Nick's and he's not here."

"A friend?  Wow, has the sneaky boy found himself a boyfriend?"

"I really don't think that is any of your business."  Gil was a heartbeat away from putting the phone down on this impertinent caller.

"Hey, loosen up, man.  You're at Nick's house it's reasonable for me to speculate."

"Not with me."

"Well forgive me but I can tell you're not his boyfriend.  No way would he pick a tight ass like you and that's for sure."

"I don't think this is any of your business."

"The hell it is.  I've been trying to find Mr Right for Mr Stokes for years..."   Their voices were now raised.  That statement shut up Gil with a vengeance.  Definitive proof if ever it was needed.  Gil was instantly prepared to conciliatory.

"Look.  Let me start again.  Nick isn't here; he's away for New Year."

"Shit, you're right, New York.  I had forgotten.  The problem is my cell has completely disappeared, darling!  Lost, stolen, misplaced, whatever, but I can't find the fucker anywhere.  So if he's been texting me I haven't received them and he might be worried.  Okay, he won't be worried... but if you could mention that to him when you speak to him.  You are speaking to him aren't you?"

"Texting.  Excuse me asking but who are you?"

"I'm Tom, darling.  I used to be Nick's boyfriend...okay...not exactly his boyfriend, per se...we had one date and it.  Was.  A.  Fucking. Disaster.  But we are friends now and I've been trying for years to find him a boyfriend that meets with his approval.  The boy has such high standards it's a totally impossible task.  Are you his boyfriend, really, are you?"

Gil was smirking.  "As a matter of fact...no...I'm not."

"Hey, I sense a but in there.  I am right...you're an older guy aren't you?  That's the one thing I've never tried you know...yo...I have a good feeling about this.  You ask him; when's he back?"

"Tuesday."

"I'll phone Wednesday and expect..."

"...no...please..."

"Got to go; places to go, people to see.  Ciao, babe."  And Tom was gone.  Gil stood holding the phone and stared at the receiver.  What the fuck had he just done?

He blew out a breath and turned towards the coffee machine.  He needed a coffee, stat.  He needed a whiskey.  No.  No.  He couldn't stomach a whiskey; coffee would have to suffice.

He'd rarely been impulsive and when he had it had ended badly.  Sara.  The fucking wedding.  But this was different.  Wasn't it?

He sat down at the kitchen table with his mug and sifted through the evidence in his mind.

Nick was definitely gay.  Nick hadn't got a boyfriend.  Nick was choosy.  Nick has never had an older boyfriend.  

And Tom's interest had been piqued.  He would very probably carry out his promise and phone on Wednesday to find out what was going on.  Shit.

***

It was good and bad with his family.  He enjoyed their company for the most part but when all of them were together he stood very little chance of getting a word in...it had always been the same.  He was the baby and now as he fast approached forty, he still remained the baby.

He managed to escape a few times and went sightseeing.  He spent two afternoons in the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  Not normally his thing, but it was wet and bitterly cold and his Las Vegas body had forgotten just how cold other peoples' winters were.  In the museum you would need a month and still only scratch the surface and he would never have the patience to do that.  Gil would.  It's exactly the kind of thing he would do. The only regret Nick had was that he would miss a display of Forbidden City treasures...he reckoned that would be worth seeing.  Maybe he'd come back in February to see it, he still had a lot of leave days to take.

The endless chatter between his sisters and patents meant that Nick spent time with his younger nieces and nephews and he enjoyed that...they played some computer games and board games and they didn't want to talk about the latest law case, the latest marriage and the latest gossip.  It was probably the most fun he'd had until his brother poked his nose in to the proceedings.

"Don't you think you should spend a little more time with the adults, Nick?"  Dan spoke in his normal disapproving tone.

"Why?  You going to go out of your way to talk to me?"  Nick had spent years being intimidated by Dan but that was a thing of the past; he didn't know when he started to be more assertive but he was and this time Dan was taken aback.

"There's no need to take that tone with me."

"What's the difference between my tone and yours?  Self-righteousness?"

"You might have Mom and Dad wrapped around your little finger but it ain't gonna work with me, you little fa..."  He stopped himself from saying the word itself but his implication was quite clear.

"Little...?  You are nailing your colours to the mast aren't you?  Worried it's catching...looking at other men's asses are you, Danny, and imagining a dick up your ass...don't worry it'd be far too tight."

"Why you little..."

"What's going on here?"  Bill Stokes came up behind Dan and caught Dan's anger.  Nick smirked; it was about the first time he could ever remember Dan being caught out.  It was usually him caught with his foot well and truly in his mouth.

Dan floundered and replied. "Nothing."  But Bill Stokes wasn't so easily appeased and he knew his eldest son disapproved of the rest of the family's acceptance of Nick's homosexuality.  Dan thought Nick was diseased and should be cured, by whatever method available.

"Sounds like nothing, Dan.  Isn't it about time you grew up and acted like a man and a brother instead of some red-necked bigot?  I thought your Momma and I had done a better job raising you, seems like I was wrong."

Dan was in his fifties and yet he still physically shrank under the disapproving eye of his father.  He'd never quite managed to attain the status of his father despite following the same career path.  Dan was the only person who didn't know why.  He looked down and didn't reply.

"Cat got your tongue?"

For a moment Nick thought that Dan's temper would get the better of him, but with an exasperated sigh he shook his head and answered in a level voice.  "I see all the people around me changing and accepting things that not long ago they all thought was an abomination...and yet I'm ostracised for holding onto my beliefs.  Christian beliefs."

"Everything and everyone changes and sometimes we can see that what we once held true was the actual abomination and that diversity and acceptance of that diversity is what God intended.  Nick is as much God's child as you and I and we should accept that as God's will.

Nick was probably as shocked as Dan; although he father had accepted his lifestyle, (such as it was...he thought, ironically) he'd never openly given him such support and...acknowledgment...that was the word.

"Then we must disagree." Dan spoke quickly and just as quickly moved away, he was not brave enough to endure any more of his father's disapproval.

"Thanks, Dad.  Good to know you accept me for who I am."  Nick was genuinely grateful, but at the back of his mind wondered what retribution Dan would try to inflict. 

"I always have, son.  I always have.  Perhaps what I haven't done enough of, is openly support you."

Nick felt the urge to give his father a hug.  He hadn't done that for many years; it had been formal handshakes.   So he hugged him and felt his father's still strong arms hug him back.  It was good.

Dan didn't appear again, he was taken sick with a stomach bug.  His wife, Janice had no such qualms about embracing the family...and the bottle.  Nick remembered Gil's drunkenness; Janice was a little more refined but in Nick's opinion she was very probably an alcoholic in the making.  He was surprised when his eldest sister, Mary, said the same thing when they were in the kitchen of her condo and then even more surprised when she qualified her remark with a, 'that's what living with our sanctimonious brother has done'.  

Nick was stunned.  He had always imagined that he was alone in his condemnation of his brother's attitude and life.  Apparently not, and Mary, being the closest in age to Dan, he'd always thought was Dan's closest ally.  Seems he was wrong.

The holiday went a little more smoothly for Nick after these revelations and his little victory over Dan.  His first victory, ever, over Dan.

He ruminated over the events of the family gathering as he flew back to Vegas.  In the end t it had been better than he had anticipated.  Much better.  He even felt better about New York itself now it was associated with happy memories.  He thought he would indeed fly back and see that exhibition...maybe take in Niagara Falls too.

As he got closer to Las Vegas he started thinking about Gil.  He should speak to him and ask him outright.  Jeez...he'd stood up to Dan now and he could do just about anything he wanted.  He smiled as he thought of the change in him from knowing that his Dad had his back and that Dan wasn't the paragon of virtue he liked to advertise.  He felt more personally confident and it was funny because he'd been feeling much more professionally confident, too.

He'd thought the same thing about Gil.  His self-esteem was intact and fully functioning in respect of his work but his private life was in shreds.  While Nick didn't think he was quite that bad there were definitely some parallels.

He was becoming drowsy and decided he would try and get a bit of sleep.  He was working grave so he'd probably go to bed for a few hours when he got home.  But when should he speak to Gil?  As soon as they got home; he would text Gil when the plane landed in case Gil forgot to check when he was due at McCarran.  Yeah, like he would forget that.

And that reminded Nick that he'd texted Tom and wished him a happy New Year and not heard back from him which was a bit unusual...unless he was embroiled in another of what Tom called his Grande Passione!  Tom was an outrageous gay man, but he'd been a good friend to Nick, if Nick discounted some of the blind dates he set him up with. 

Nick was smiling as he fell asleep and the young woman in the next seat to him surreptitiously eyed him up and wondered why he'd hardly looked in her direction. 'He must be gay.'  She thought.

***

Gil was waiting at the airport when he got Nick's text that he'd landed.  He texted back; 'So have I'.

Gil was feeling great; he'd had a brainwave after Tom's call and decided to go back to Nick's gym and use their pool.  He used to swim a lot as a kid and enjoyed it.  He was a strong swimmer; he preferred the breast stroke and that suited his ears.

He'd got to the pool early each morning and done fifty, and then sixty and then this morning seventy lengths.  Pushing out and using his muscles; he could feel his abdominals tightening as he swam.  Then each afternoon he'd walked at a fast pace for at least two hours.  He was eating good healthy food, no rubbish, no snacks.  He cut back on his coffee intake...a little.  And in just a few short days he thought he looked better and he certainly felt better. He was experiencing an endorphin high and he knew it would subside as he body became used the rigorous exercise it so badly needed.

He caught a glimpse of Nick walking towards him with his bag slung over his shoulder.  He didn't know about his endorphins but he would have placed good money on a bet that his pheromones were on maximum output.

As Nick walked towards him he wondered if Nick knew the effect he had on men and women.  Probably not; it was his understanding of the matter that really sexy men and woman were generally unaware of the way they were.

Nick suddenly noticed him and smiled and waved.  Gil smiled and waved back.

"Man!  You've lost weight.  You look great!  What's your magic formula?"

"Thank you."  Gil just couldn't help gloating. "I've lost six pounds. Exercise and good eating.  But I feel better in myself; I've pulled myself up by my bootstraps and stopped the pity party.  I'm moving forward now."

"That's great and it shows."

"How was New York?"

"You know it got better.  Kinda worked on a few issues with my family and it was good, you know?"

"That's good news."

They were walking along the concourse and heading out of the building towards the car lot.

"So you recovered from the Bright Angel?"

"Yes.  What a disaster but I learned my lesson.  No bull in a china shop antics...remember the gym...was that only last week?  But I'm swimming every morning and hiking every afternoon."

"Wow!  That's more exercise than me."

"Ah, but...you're already fit and just need to maintain it; I'm I trying to get fit...and once I am I can relax a bit."

Nick laughed.  "Isn't that still a bit of a bull in china shop attitude?"

"You're not supposed to notice that."  And Gil laughed along with Nick.  It felt so comfortable...and both men thought that same thought at the same time.

Nick let Gil drive them home and spoke about some of the antics of his sisters and their kids over the holiday and also mentioned, but not in depth, about re-connecting with his father. Gil listened attentively and made the right responses at the right time.  They then lapsed into a very comfortable silence.

But then little did they know they were both thinking the same thought again.  When will I get the opportunity to ask the question?

When they arrived home Nick carried his bag into the house and dumped it by the door as he looked around.  He grinned back at Gil. "You've been busy; looks like you've spring cleaned."

Gil shrugged off his embarrassment. "It really didn't need it, I'm surprised you noticed."

"When I first had my own place after college I was a slovenly bastard...you know, after the frat?  But I had some friends around this one time and I could tell they were shocked and when I really looked around I was too...and from that day to this I keep my places clean and tidy...and of course if you do that you don't need to do so much cleaning."

"That sounds quite familiar I must say.  Coffee?"

"You haven't kicked that habit then?"  He said as Gil made his way to the kitchen.

"I have cut back...but giving it up?  That really is a step too far!"

"I won't have one thanks."  Nick followed Gil into the kitchen and went to the fridge and found a juice. "Even the fridge."  He said as he took a swig of juice from the carton.

Gil looked at him over his glasses. "You still have some bad habits then?"

"Sorry.  I forgot you drink it as well."  He grinned.

"From the same carton earlier.  Sorry."  He laughed a little.

"Exchanging bodily fluids."  Nick said and looked down, a little embarrassed.  Was now the time to ask?

"Nick, would you mind if I ask you something?"  Gil got in first.

"No.  Go ahead."

"In the absence, I hope temporarily, of my own home, could I store some stuff here...in the bedroom I've been using?"  Nick stared at Gil and couldn't open his mouth to answer.  "Are you okay?  Do you mind?  I mean please say if you do....mind, that is."

"No, I don't mind, really.  It's just, well...that's not the question I was expecting."

"I've also got something I want to tell you."  Nick nodded this time since he was suddenly cautious; having had his hopes raised by the previous question only for him to be completely wrong-footed about that question.  Perhaps he'd read Gil completely wrongly.

"My marriage...or not...to Sara.  She left me because I was unfaithful to her."  There, he'd said it.

And Nick was shocked; of all the people he would assume were the faithful type then Gil Grissom would be top of the list.

"You seem shocked."

"I...I...am.  Of all the people..."

"I know; I would have always classed myself as above faithlessness."

"Yeah.  That's right."

"There's more."

"I confessed to Sara...I had expected her to leave me you see, because I was too fucking cowardly to walk out on her.  But she was willing to forgive me...even said it was her fault for coming back to Vegas and leaving me alone in Paris.  But then I didn't want a second chance, I wanted out.  So I told her the real truth."

There was a pause and Nick could see that Gil was still thinking about actually telling him the real truth.  But after a few moments Nick couldn't stand the tension and broke the silence.

"And what was the real truth?"

"I was unfaithful...with a man."

Funnily enough Nick was less shocked at that revelation that he had been about the unfaithful part.

"You're gay? Bi?"

"More gay than bi."

"So...why did..."

"...I marry her?"  Nick nodded and watched Gil closely as he thought about his response.  "I have spent so many hours every day since that fateful day asking myself the same question.  My answer after all this time?  I have no fucking idea.  I wish I could say that I really loved her.  But...  I even wish I could say that I was in denial over my homosexuality.  But I wasn't and never have been.  The only thing I have come up with and it feels as if it is part of the answer is that I was lonely.  I have never had a long time relationship.  Not one.  I was on the wrong side of fifty...she wanted me...  These are excuses they're not reasons...but they're all I can come up with."

As if the effort to confess had taken its toll on him physically, Gil sat down heavily on a kitchen chair at the kitchen table.

Nick was just about to speak when Gil spoke again.  "It was a disaster and I think in some way she knew it too.   She chased me and I was flattered but then when you live with someone day in and day out...twenty-four hours a day for weeks on end then the cracks appear, very quickly.

"I said to you that we didn't speak much and it's true, in fact we never did and then it got less and less and I would try to think of something to strike up a conversation and then after a while I didn't even bother doing that.  In my defence, although I hardly feel worthy of one, I do feel that Sara made even less of an effort than I did.  I think she was carried away with the romance of it all...the Guyanan Missionary wedding and then realised that the reality was not like living a romantic novel."

Gil stopped and the coffee machine stopped at the same time.  Nick went over and made Gil a coffee...and then decided that he did need one, too.

"Here."  He put the mug in front of Gil on the table and Gil looked up briefly with a look and gratitude and then took a sip.  Nick took the seat opposite.  "Romantic is not a word I would ever associate with Sara."

"No.  Nor me.  And yet the romantic notion of it all is all I can think of for us doing it in the first place."

"But you went after her?"

"Yes.  I was lost after Warrick's death.  You know that and instead of working through it and emerging the other side like you did, I wallowed in the aloneness I felt.  It seemed to me that Sara could fill that void."  Gil massaged his forehead with his fingertips. "I have never been so fucking wrong in my life."

Gil drank some more coffee and then set it down and smiled at Nick.  "And then by chance, because Jim is getting some...I ended up here with nowhere else to go.  And what I'd missed for all these years was staring me in the face.  I never suspected, at work, that you were gay. But here...and now I know."

"You know?  For certain?"  Nick was fishing.

"I was going to ask you, believe me, but now I know you are...gay, that is, I don't need to ask.  Do I?"

"How do you know for certain?"

"Tom called."

"Tom."  Nick grinned from ear to ear.   "Was he trying to fix me up again?"

"No; he's lost his cell phone.  He's calling back tomorrow to check up on me."

"You?"

"Yes.  To see if I've asked you out."

"Oh, right.  Yeah...okay.  Lost his cell...that's why I didn't hear from him."

"Yes, he said you might be worried."

"Yeah."  This was all going a bit too well for Nick.  Gil gay. It was turning out too easy.  When did things he did turn out easy?  Like his Dad taking his side over Dan?  Like Mary agreeing that Dan was a sanctimonious bigot?  Like Gil knowing...

"So?"  Nick asked Gil.

"So?  What?"

"So..."  He wasn't going to make it that easy.

"Oh. Yes.  I see."  Gil had suddenly lost his power of cohesive speech; it seemed after relating the story of his ill-feted marriage (or not), all his confidence was gone and he was floundering, but hell, Nick wasn't going to help him out.  He wasn't a pushover; as Tom and the succession of special friends could attest.  Nick was particular.

"Well?"

"Would you?"

"Would I what?"

"Would you be interested...I mean...me...a date...I don't know what else to offer...I'm not a free man.  Yet."

"Might be."  Nick smirked.

"Well Tom did say he'd tried everything he could...except an older man."

"He did?"  Nick laughed.  "He has.  Man, you would not believe some of the guys he thought I would be interested in!"

"Yes, after a short conversation with Tom, I think I would."

They both laughed and the tensions in the room eased and they sat quietly for a few minutes.  Gil was becoming slightly worried.  Nick had not said if he would be interested, or not.  He thought he would be.

"Where do you think we should go for our first date?"  Nick now wanted some firm information.

"Now I have given this some thought and although it might not turn out to be our very first date...I thought we could go back to the Bright Angel Trail, stay in a cabin, when you get your next couple of days off work.  What do you think?"

Nick was dumbstruck.  This was the kind of date he'd been waiting for...not a meal, or the cinema or a club.  A stay in a cabin and a hike.  This was his perfect date!

"You don't like the idea?"  Gil sounded nervous.

"It's a great idea.  Really.  Great."

"But there's a but isn't there?"  Gil sounded defeated now.

"It's just...  What did Tom say about me?"

Gil breathed out and remembered Tom's words.  "He said: 'the boy has such high standards it's a totally impossible task', meaning fix you up with someone and, 'that he wouldn't pick you', meaning me because 'I was a tight ass'."

Nick nodded and smiled a little.  "There is something..."

***

Nick took a long drink of his almost cold coffee and looked across at Gil who appeared to be quite nervous; he was fidgeting with his mug and waiting for Nick to elaborate.

"Tom once told me that I was the most conservative gay man he'd ever met.  I don't...you see I've never had a long term relationship either.  It's not so much the high standards...it's..."  Nick didn't know if he'd be able to tell Gil.  He'd told a lot of men with whom he'd been on dates...it had usually been their first and last date.  But none of them was Gil Grissom or anything approaching the likes of Gil Grissom.  Maybe he'd understand.  But then...maybe he wouldn't.

"It's okay, Nick.  I'm okay with anything...I'd rather have the truth now than living the lies that I've been doing this past year."  He put his right hand across the table and touched the back of Nick's left hand with his fingertips.  Hoping that it would provide Nick with a measure of comfort...or confidence.

Nick sat back and looked at the ceiling for inspiration and then looked across at Gil and blurted it out.

"I don't do penetration."  There.  He'd said it.

Gil let out a breath he'd been unconsciously holding as Nick had prepared to tell him whatever it was he felt compelled to tell him.

"And..."  Gil thought there must be more, but by Nick's surprised expression at Gil expecting more it appeared to Gil that that was the extent of the revelation.  "That's it?  Nick, what are you worried about?  A lot of gay men, and lesbians, don't do penetration.  For various reasons but often because of the heterosexual connotations...the penetration aspect."

Nick knew this, he'd googled and yahooed until he was blue in the face but every guy he would have liked to continue dating had seen it as a huge pink elephant to any relationship development.  And that was usually the end of that.  Some tried to persuade him but he just couldn't and that was that.

"But do you?"  He asked Gil, still sceptical that is wouldn't be a barrier to a...to a what?  A relationship?

"I do.  But I don't have to.  I like sex as much as the next man but what I really want, Nick, is more than just sex.  And besides, there are lots of different aspects to sex."

"You're not going to try and persuade me..."

"...no!  Of course not.  I can promise you that.  One hundred percent."

Nick grinned and then chuckled.  He turned his hand over to hold onto Gil's hand that had been gently soothing the back of his hand.  "I guess I could see if I can get some more vacation days off...I have a lot of days owing."

"That would be good.  More than good."  Gil squeezed Nick's hand and looked at his watch.  "You need to get some sleep before your shift, you'll only get about five hours if you go to bed right now."

"I know.  I don't know if I'll sleep.  I've just had this coffee."

"Go try.  I put fresh sheets on your bed."

"Did you see the..."

"Yes.  You left if there intentionally?"

"Yeah.  And I was going to ask you if you were gay as soon as I got home today."

"My drunken rambling."  It wasn't a question.

"Yeah.  I don't suppose you're tired?"

"No, I've been sleeping really well...the exercise...oh...you want?"

"We could just...you know?"

"I certainly do.  Are you sure?  I'm not turning you down, it's just..."

"I'm sure.  It's not like we're strangers and...you're going back to Paris aren't you?"

"Not today."  Gil's eyes twinkled but he kept a straight face.  "I have to go back.  But, if this goes well..."  He indicated between the two of them.  "...why don't you get adventurous and fly out to see me?"

"Wow.  Straight in the both of us...no baby steps."

"Nick, I've known you for how long?  Fifteen years?  We can skip the getting to know you and worrying phase and move into the comfortable stage.  What do you think?"

"Sounds good.  But you're talking about me going to Paris and...you haven't, I mean we haven't even kissed yet...I saw this film where this couple had this great chemistry and they kept denying their feelings for one another until one day they kissed and wham...it was instant indifference.  They were destined to be great friends, not lovers."

"I see your point; you want to try it on for size?"

"Something like that."

"There's no time like the present."

"No."

But both men stayed seated opposite each other and made no attempt to move.

"It seems that the first step is the hardest."  Gil smiled and looked at Nick over his glasses and Nick was struck with the blueness of his eyes.  Why hadn't he noticed before just how blue they were?

"Your eyes are blue."

"You hadn't noticed before now?"  Gil laughed.

"I had...but not how blue they are...I've never stared into your eyes before."

"I've always noticed your eyes, Nick.  So emotive, the windows to your soul."

"Huh.  Puppy dog eyes."

"Puppy dog eyes?  Why do you say that?"

"My sisters Alison and Jennifer, they always said I had eyes that looked as if I was about to be beaten."  He laughed.  "Of course, I was...by them."

"Your eyes glisten when you're happy and when you're sad.  You cry easily don't you?"

"On demand.  They said that too."

"Don't be self-deprecating, Nick, you are empathetic and intuitive and do you know...I really do not know how, or even why, I've kept my hands off you for all these years."

Gil stood up and moved around the table.  Nick smiled at him and rose from his seat at the same time.  Gil took Nick's chin in his hand and studied his face close to and then looked down at Nick's lips, he chewed on his own bottom lip a little and Nick unconsciously mimicked him and then they were kissing.

It was hot and firm and an all-consuming coffee tasting kiss.   Neither man applied much pressure but moved their lips around each other's and licked and teased at each other lips until Gil slipped his tongue into Nick's mouth and Nick pushed his own into Gil's mouth and instantly the pressure and intensity increased.  Gil's hands had been resting on Nick's shoulders but he ran them down Nick's arms and then slipped his arms around Nick's waist, pulling him closer.

The kiss became wet and the men became breathless, Gil pulling away first though still holding Nick close to him.  He rested his forehead against Nick's and whispered.

"Please tell me why we didn't do this years ago?"

"It wasn't the right time.  Fate.  You have to wait until the time's right and not before."

Gil pulled back and smiled.  "Yes.  I can live with that theory."

"You want to go to bed now?"

"I think I do...it'll help you sleep."

"Yeah...I thought that."  Nick chuckled and his dimples crinkled and Gil smiled.

"You don't look your age.  You are so very handsome."

"Flattery will get you into my bed."

"Then we should make haste, my beloved..."

"That's got to be a quote."  Nick chuckled.

"It is..."

***

They held hands and Nick led the way and he was incredulous that this had all happened so quickly.  And more importantly that it felt so right.

When Nick opened his bedroom door he stopped still on the threshold and looked into the room his face a picture of surprise, but then he laughed.

"You knew you were going to get lucky."

"I didn't know.  I hope you don't mind."

"They're great, the scent, man."   Nick looked around; there were four large vases...he was sure he didn't have four vases...full of white flowers.  They were gardenias and the scent was wonderful. "I remember my Grandmomma Stokes.  She died when I was about four but her rooms were always full of gardenias; she loved them and I loved her, she always had warm cookies too..."  And then a thought struck him.  "No one had ever bought me flowers before."

"Then I'm pleased.  Your sense of smell is very evocative and I love these flowers because a teacher in fourth grade gave me extra lessons in science...because I was good at it...and as you walked into her house she always had a vase of gardenias on a table, in a large glass vase. It always seemed to me, at nine, to be the height of sophistication.  And it made it feel so welcoming.  I was supposed to stop going when my Dad died, because we couldn't afford it but Mrs Lewis let me go for free...I loved her."  Gil was lost for a moment in his memories.

Nick turned back to him and took his face in his hands and spoke softly to him.  "I love them. Thank you."

"You're welcome.  It feels calm in here doesn't it?"

"Yes it does.  They'll help me sleep.  After..."

Gil chuckled.  "After this."  He stepped up to Nick and kissed him, just briefly, and then started undoing the buttons on the front of his shirt.  Nick let him.  Gil pulled the shirt from his pants and slipped it off his shoulders.  He was wearing a white tee so Gil pulled that off, too.

He breathed in deeply; not at the rich scent in the room but at the sight of Nick's chest, so smooth, so muscled.  The scars were fading but Gil ghosted his fingers over them.  "You were lucky."  He whispered.

"I was."

Gil bent down and licked at one and then the other nipple.  He heard Nick's intake of breath at his action.  He looked up and smiled.

"Here, let me." Nick undid the three buttons on Gil's long sleeved polo shirt and pulled it, and his tee, out of his pants and then over his head all in one go.

They both went to each other's belt buckle at the same time, their hands getting tangled.  Nick conceded defeat and held his arms up and away so that Gil could undo the belt.  When it was open Gil took his own belt off.

"Shoes.  We don't want to be stuck with our shoes on trying to get our pants off...smacks of desperation."  Gil bent down and pulled his shoes off.  Nick had on lace-up boots and went to the bed and sat down to untie them and then he flung them away....followed by his socks.

Gil walked over to Nick where he sat on the edge of the bed and lifted his chin up and smiled down at him.  "You hard?"

"Pretty much.  You?"  Nick swallowed and Gil watched his Adam's apple bob up and down.

"Oh yes."  Gil unzipped his pants and then released the button and pushed his pants and boxer shorts down his legs and stepped out of them.  He stood there and chuckled.  "See?"

Since Gil's erection was nearly at eye level with Nick he would have been very hard pressed to miss it.  A darker hue than Nick's and Gil was circumcised.  The cock jutted out of a mass of grey curls and his balls had a furry covering too...Gil took hold of his cock and gently ran his hand over the length.

"You're over-dressed, Nicky."

Nick stood up and dropped his pants but left his tight white boxer shorts in place but his erection was quite evident through the material.  Gil leaned forward and hooked his fingers into the waistband and pulled them downwards...Nick's cock sprang out of them as they were slid down his legs and then he kicked them off.

Gil laughed and Nick was indignant.  "What are you laughing at?"

"Your pubic hair is very nearly straight."

"So?"

"Just an observation."

"You pubic hair is..."  He groped for the right word.  "...extravagant; man, I've never seen such a nest!"

"Be careful what you say I keep a lethal weapon concealed..."

"...I can see; it's not concealed.  Come here."

Gil took Nick in his arms and hugged him.  The physical contact alone was wonderful, even without any sexual connotations.  He pushed Nick away a little and looked him in the eye.

"I want this to be about you.  Let me give you pleasure, please?"

"Can't I join in?"  Nick laughed.

"I want you to lie back and enjoy it and I will administer to your needs.  There'll be plenty of time for you get in on the act another time.  But you need to sleep for your shift or you'll be like death warmed over."

Nick threw himself back and bounced onto the bed; he lay with his arms and legs slightly spread-eagled.  His cock sticking up proudly in the middle and they both laughed.

Gil crawled on to the bed between Nick's legs and knelt there for a few moments admiring the body of the man before him.

"Are you just going to stare at me until I come?"  Nick slipped his hands behind his head and bucked his hips up causing his cock to bob around.

"You must give me a few minutes to admire your body; it's just so perfect..."

"...nah...I got these scars..."  Nick retrieved a hand form behind his head and ran his fingers over the scattered shotgun wounds.  Gil caught his hand and lifted it away...kissing each finger before putting it down and he then bent over the scars and put a little kiss on each scar.

"All better?"

"Yeah."  Nick whispered his agreement and it was true.

He pulled Gil down towards him, breaking Gil's instructions but he needed to kiss him.  This slow loving was exactly what he wanted and as he kissed the mouth above him he realised that this is what he'd been missing.  Not some guy fumbling around.  Not some guy trying to get his rocks off as quick as he could.  But some slow loving.  Someone relaxed and willing to take their time and...love him.  That was it...this man, Gil Grissom, was someone to love...and someone who'd love him right back in return.

***

Gil hovered above Nick and was almost overwhelmed with emotion.  After years in the wilderness this.  Was.  It.  This was that indefinable something he'd been looking for all his adult life.  He knew that he would stay by Nick's side now for as long as Nick would let him.  This wasn't some fling.  Some sex being offered on the side.  He knew how he felt but looking at the glistening eyes of his soon to be lover, he just knew that Nick was thinking the same thing too...

Nick pulled him down into a kiss and it turned into Gil licking and biting at Nick's neck and throat, his ears and shoulders.  He tasted Nick.  He tasted as wonderful as he looked.  He started at his head and worked his way down.  Touching him and caressing his arms, his body and slowly working down his firm abdominals to his belly button.  A neat little affair.  Just as Gil would have imagined...all of Nick was neat.

He was taking his time and Nick was moaning and slithering around and murmuring a few 'yes's' and an occasional; 'no' when Gil tickled him.  Gil was enjoying himself so much he was no longer concerned with his own pleasure, his erection had lost its steeliness but he was experiencing such a profound feeling of peace after the turmoil of the last months.

He tickled the belly button with his tongue and he felt Nick's hands in his hair and then he pulled his head up.

"It tickles.  I want you to grow your hair longer so you can have your curls back...why did you have it cut so short?" Nick's voice was soft and lazy and his Texan twang was far more noticeable.

"Because it's starting to thin out; besides you're one to talk with your buzz cuts."

"But my hair is dead straight and boring, yours is curly and I could wrap your curls round my fingers!"

"I'll grow it then.  For you."  And Gil would; he knew he would do anything he could to please Nick and more than that; he'd do anything Nick asked of him.

"You'd do that for me?"

"I'll do a lot of things for you...like this."  And Gil bent over Nick's cock and licked the rosy head with his wet tongue.  His saliva mixed with the fluid that had already leaked from the cock and the whole head and foreskin were lubricated.

Nick's language had now progressed to a few 'Gods' and 'Jeez's' and he was manoeuvring his cock further into Gil's mouth.  Gil took it all in and sucked but then almost released it running his tongue along the shaft, feeling the veins and the heat and the velvety softness beneath his tongue and lips.  He gently nipped at the skin as he worked up and down and ran his teeth along the underside, causing Nick to jump and gasp.

He used his hand to caress the skin along Nick's legs and then moved up to his balls and then felt each one as if weighing it, rolling them in his fingers and then pulling the sac downwards to ease the pressure on Nick's need to ejaculate.

He suddenly remembered that he was supposed to be quick about this because Nick had to sleep but he couldn't be that quick; this was far too enjoyable.  The thought that he was actually doing these things to Nick Stokes made Gil very hard again and he stole one hand away from Nick's body to pump himself a few times.  He wasn't bothered about coming; he could do that easily enough after he'd seen to Nick.  And that was great.  His dry spell was over.

His thoughts returned to the work in hand and he started sucking at Nick in earnest.  Putting a hand beneath his mouth on Nick's cock, to jerk him off in time to his mouth sucking him off.  He knew that as Nick got closer he would push his cock down his throat and swallow him but he couldn't do that for very long...just for the ejaculation.

Nick was getting more verbal and restless as he approached his climax under Gil's relentless mouth and Gil felt good to be able to elicit the sounds and actions from him.  Their first time and already the seemed to be perfectly synchronised...

"God, Gil."  Gil smiled around the cock, it was the first time in a very long time that he'd heard his name used in lovemaking.  He started moving a little faster and sucked harder and made his mouth tighter and started pushing the cock further into his mouth.

"I'm going to come, mannnn.  This is greatttt..."  Nick drawled out his words between little breaths he was taking and Gil sensed Nick's balls had tightened and he would be starting to come anytime...he swallowed the cock and Nick very nearly shrieked as he started to come, pumping his load down Gil's throat.  Gil was trying to hold on but he wasn't as good as he'd like to be, he needed more practise.

But he just about managed without choking and gagging and Nick collapsed into a relaxed heap his orgasm over and Gil sucked and licked every drop of semen from him.  He gradually released the softening cock and it lay across Nick's abdomen, soft and red from its exertion.

"Hey, babe, come up here..."  Nick spoke breathlessly to Gil.

"Babe?"  Gil uttered.

"Shhh...come here."  He pulled Gil up towards him and then hooked a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss.  A sloppy relaxed kiss and Gil knew that Nick would be tasting himself in Gil's mouth.  Nick pulled back and smiled.

"Did you?"

"No.  It's okay."

"It isn't, let me..."

"...no, just settle back and go to sleep; you need to sleep."  Gil pulled the covers up and as if on cue, Nick yawned.

"Really tired."

"I know you are, you've flown thousands of miles today."

"I did, didn't I?"  And he yawned again.  He turned onto his side and latched an arm around Gil who'd slipped onto his side beside Nick.

"You turn and face the other way and I'll spoon, Nicky."  Ordered Gil.  And to Gil's amusement Nick did exactly as he was told.  He was already in the twilight zone between wakefulness and sleep.  Gil rubbed Nick's arm up and down a few times in a soothing manner and in seconds he knew that Nick was fast asleep.

He slipped his hand down to his own hard-on.  He held onto it and smiled to himself.  He didn't need to ejaculate.  He would wait.  He'd had the most satisfying sexual experience he'd had in many years; he'd felt an emotional connection that he'd thought would never happen.  It was better than sex.  It was a feeling of wellbeing and calmness and...happiness...  He chuckled at the irony; he had hoped to stay with Jim not Nick.  How could he have found this measure of happiness so easily and so randomly?  

But then a tremor of fear ran through his veins...what if he fucked this up, too? 

***

Gil had fallen asleep; though he'd professed not to be tired and had had a good night's sleep the night before.  He slept for an hour or so and woke up when his arm went dead.  Nick was lying on it.  He gently extricated himself and got out of bed.  Nick didn't wake up or move; he was certainly exhausted.  Gil looked down at the relaxed face but resisted the urge to kiss him in case he did wake him.

As he dressed and went downstairs to start his inevitable coffee pot he remembered his thoughts of fucking it up with Nick.   Why would he?  This was what he wanted.  A man, not a woman.  A relationship that he knew he stood a better chance of working at; okay so he had no experience...only bad experiences anyway...but there was something about Nick.  Something that told Gil that he, too, would want to work at this.  And there it was...that was the strategy.

They would work at it together.  A couple.  Matched.

He chuckled.  He looked at his watch.  Time for a walk but he'd limit it to an hour and half so he could get Nick up and get him ready for work.

Whatever it was and he knew, really, that it was Nick, Gil had a spring in his step and stepped out at a pace that he was able to keep up for his entire walk.  He arrived back happy and enthused.  He drank a juice and went to shower...he looked through the bedroom door at Nick and saw he was fast still fast asleep.  He would leave it until the last possible moment to get him up and out to work.  He smiled at Nick, himself and the world.  And started whistling, quietly, a tune...'What a difference a day made...'

He showered and thought that he must do some work while Nick was out.  He still had to prepare some of the work for his last semester at the Sorbonne.  Not hard work and he enjoyed doing it...if he left himself the time to do it and didn't have to rush; that's when it became a chore.

He had three and a half months to spend in Paris and he really hoped that Nick would visit him.  He had a little tremor of anxiety about whether it would work out but he pushed it back.  It would work.  He was determined to make it work.  He'd never get a chance like this again and he knew it.

When he'd showered and dressed he checked his watch and went to wake up Nick. The bed was empty and he could hear Nick in the shower.  He went to the bathroom and looked in...Nick was washing and humming something Gil didn't recognise.

"Hey."  Gil called and Nick waved and grinned at him through the glass.  "What do you want to eat?"

"You."

Gil laughed.  "In the way of food?"

"A protein shake."

"Have you got any, I can't remember seeing any in your cupboards."

Nick finished his shower and opened the cubicle door and was shaking the excess water off his body before reaching for the towel that Gil held out for him.

"Not packeted protein.  Duh.  Biological."

Gil looked confused he had no idea what Nick wanted.

"Man, you're not with it..."  He kissed Gil on the nose and firmly gripped his cock and balls in a hand.  "...a protein shake...get it?"

Gil rolled his eyes.  "Sorry.   You're right, I'm not with it."

"You've led a sheltered life, obviously."   

"Not that sheltered.  But times change and language evolves and I've obviously been left behind."

"You poor old soul."  Nick kissed Gil as a consolation.  "Don't want to go to work.  Usually I can't wait to get there, but now..."

"I know.  Here."  Gil took the towel from Nick and turned him around to dry his back for him.  He deliberately avoided his ass.  "But when you get to work you can work your magic on Catherine and get some time off...call me and I'll book the cabin for us."

"Yeah.  Okay...not that hungry...except for you...so I'll just have some cereal."

"Okay.  Sandwiches?"

"Tuna fish."

"Salad?"

"Of course.  Have we got time for...do you think?"

"Not enough time for it to be more than a quickie.  I want to take my time with you...babe..."

Nick laughed.  "Good job I jerked off in the shower then."

"And you're ready to go again already...I don't think I could keep up with that."  Gil was being a bit rueful.

"Quality not quantity.  You should know that.  Thank you for earlier.  It was...great; you know that don't you?"  Nick's voice had taken on a softer almost reverent tone.

"I do.  I know that I've found something here...something I've been searching for..."  He left the sentence hanging in the air and Nick nodded.

"Me too."

"I'll go get your breakfast.  Do you want me to empty your duffel bag?"

"Please!  I forgot about it.  Mostly dirty washing, do you mind?"

"Maid service is included."

"Man, I don't want you being my servant..."

"...you're letting me live in your home...rent free.  Besides I like helping out; you're working a lot of hours and it makes me feel useful and now...with us..."   Gil stopped to watch Nick's face. 

On the word 'us' he'd broken out an ear to ear grin and all his dimples were out in full force.  Gil would swear his heart fluttered and then shook his head at such a stupid notion, but he was still smiling back at Nick.

"Us?  Sounds pretty good doesn't it?"

"I think so.  You don't think it's too soon do you?"

"What?  For an us?  How long have we known each other?  Years."

"I've only known you were available for...forty-eight hours."

"Remind me to call Tom and thank him."

"He's supposed to calling here tomorrow...he probably won't remember."

"Oh, he will.  He never forgets a thing.  Do you know what he does...his job?"

"No.  No idea; do you want me to guess?"

"You would never guess in a million years.  He's a nuclear physicist."  Nick grinned at Gil's quite evident shock.  "Yeah.  He used to work for the government...something secret and big, but he was fired.  A security risk because of his alternate lifestyle.  He teaches at UNLV.  Department head.  He's kind of an alternate genius."

"It was wrong of me to pre-judge him on one short telephone conversation, but I most certainly did.  So the men that he tried to set you up with..."  Gil stopped. "Sorry it's none of my business."

"That's okay.  All kinds of guys...trying to whet my appetite.  He doesn't just inhabit the academic world, hence his security clearance being withdrawn.  They gave him a big pay-off and he has this ultra-modern-purpose-built-ecological place up in the hills.  It is very impressive.  Maybe we'll get an invite so he can check you out."

"Really?  How strange it is that we judge people...like I've just done and of all the people on this planet I'm about the last person that should do that considering my actions in this past year."

Nick slipped his arms around Gil's neck.  "Things are changing 'round here...for the better."

"They are.  And you are going to be late...get dressed and I'll do your breakfast and lunch."  He let his hands drop, deliberately, to Nick's ass, testing the waters, as it were.  It was still damp in his hands.  "Did I say already that I love your ass?"

"No, you didn't but I know now."  Gil squeezed each ass cheek and then let go. 

"Get dressed.  Stop distracting me."  He was trying for stern but failing miserably.

Gil went off and left Nick alone.  He positively skipped downstairs and into the kitchen and was humming and whistling as he went about preparing Nick's sandwiches.  He stopped for a moment to think what it was he was humming and for some very odd reason it was the Colonel Bogie march.  Now where had that come from?  It didn't really matter at all; it was a lively and happy tune and it reflected his mood.

When he finally kissed Nick bye on the doorstep...but inside the house...he was raring to go.  He sorted out Nick's bag and put the dirty washing with other stuff and started a washing cycle.  He tidied up the kitchen.  And the bedroom and the bathroom.  When everything was done he made a salad for himself and folded the newly washed and dried clothes ready for ironing...he was debating whether or not to do the ironing immediately when his cell rang.

It was Nick.  "Hello.  Missing me already?"

"Might be.  Listen up.  I'm off anyway next Thursday and Friday, so how about I have Wednesday off, finish graveyard Wednesday morning?  We can drive up to the canyon and I go back on nights on Saturday night.  That gives us three clear nights and most of Wednesday and Saturday too."

"That's good.  I'll go on-line and check availability."

"You want to hear something ironical?"

"Go on."

"Sara volunteered to cover me...said you were very busy and could do without being disturbed.  Catherine said, after Sara had gone, that she thought your marriage to her was whacky and couldn't believe you'd gone and done it...and then she said, 'if he'd asked me I'd have said don't do it...but when did he take any notice of me.'"  The line was silent and Nick spoke again, urgently.  "Gil, you there, I'm sorry I told you, I didn't mean..."

"Oh, Nicky.  The night I left I was going to speak to Catherine and tell her I was going to join Sara, but she was talking with Jim and I thought better of it.  Mind you, at that stage I didn't think I would be marrying her.  God, I wonder how long the PI will be..."

"Sorry to depress you I just didn't think..."

"...you didn't depress me that would be impossible; I can do that all by myself."

"I shouldn't have mentioned it.  Shit."

"Nick.  It happened, it's a fact.  We can't pretend it hasn't happened...all I can say is that I'm doing my best to make sure it's all over and done with as quickly as possible."

"Do you still want to go to the canyon?"

"Do I?  With you?  What do you think?"

"Yes?"

"Very definitely."

"Okay.  I'll book the day and see you in the morning."

"I cannot tell you just how much I am looking forward to seeing you in the morning."

"Yeah.  I know.  See you."

His cell rang about a minute later.

"What did you forget?"  Gil asked with a smile.

"Hiking boots.  You need to get a pair of proper hiking boots; trainers are not adequate foot wear for the trail."

"Your word is my command.  I'll google and see which ones have the best reviews."

"You do that, but it'll be too late to get them off of the net...so we'll go to the mall tomorrow."

"Okay.  Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you always this bossy?"  His voice was light and cheerful it held no malice.

"I'm an Assistant Supervisor now.  So the answer to that is...yes!  Got to go.  Bye, babe."

Nick had gone before he could react to being called, babe, again.  But then he could be a babe.  It was infinitely better than bastard.

***

Gil decided to do the ironing.  Attacking the poor defenceless clothing would help ease his nerves.  Despite what he'd said to Nick the prospect of the coming weeks waiting for the outcome of the PI's visit to Guyana was playing on his mind and for about the millionth time, he felt the familiar pangs of regret.

He wondered if Sara would be so accommodating with Nick if she knew.  No.  She would not.  She was vindictive; but then he'd given her more than enough reason to be so.  He just hoped he wouldn't lose Nick in any on-going debacle.  But then Nick seemed to be reasonable about it and for once in his life at least Gil had been upfront...there were no secrets. His life had been far too boring for anything else to be of interest.

By the time he'd ironed and pressed everything he was feeling better.  He had to make a decision about his sleep pattern.  Did he immediately assume Nick's shift pattern to ensure they spent the maximum amount of time together or would that be over the top?  He didn't want to rush things with Nick and yet he did...he wanted to enjoy every moment with him before he had to go back to Paris.

And he needed to confirm his flight.  He had already booked it but it was earlier than it needed to be so he thought he could re-schedule and spend at least three more days with Nick.  That's what he'd do immediately.

Air France did change his flight although he had to pay an administration fee.  And he decided that he would not change his sleep pattern.  It seemed a bit juvenile and really they would still see quite a lot of one another.

He did a couple of hours work on the computer and was very pleased with his progress of his material for his teaching in Paris.   If he went to bed at this very moment he could get his early morning swim in before Nick came home.  Shit.  The only problem with that was he had no transport.  He'd call a cab.  His exercise regime was even more important now that he had a young lover.  He chuckled and leaned back and thought about Nick.  He just might be turning into a lucky bastard now that he had Nick.  His luck had definitely changed...of that he was absolutely certain.

He remembered to google men's hiking boot and the model that had the best reviews were the Timberland Chocorua Trail GTX Hiking Boots.  And he knew there was a Timberland shop at the outlets; all he needed to do was check with Nick that they would be the right boot and he could get them...keeping his fingers crossed that they were in stock and in his size.

He went to up to bed, had a quick shower and crawled into his bed in the spare bedroom.  Just as just he was about to close his eyes to sleep he wondered if he'd get an invitation to sleep in Nick's big bed.  Now that would be a real bonus.

His alarm broke his night of undisturbed sleep.  He'd been sleeping better that he had for years.  He pissed, had a quick wash, dressed and ran downstairs into the kitchen for a juice and a small bowl of cereal and called a cab; he went back upstairs to clean his teeth and collect his gear.  Not much...the gym provided towels.

He was worn out...he did eighty-five lengths.  He'd been going up by ten lengths a day but this was a fifteen lengths increase since the day before.  He believed his fitness was improving exponentially and he felt better than he had for years; he knew it was a combination of things but nevertheless he was also more enthused with his actual life than he had been for...for years.

He called a cab to take him home and instead of correcting himself and saying Nick's home, he let himself call it home because it actually felt it was more his home now than his actual own house.  How ridiculous life was at changing things around in such a short time.  Not even two weeks since he'd been well and truly stuck at McCarran with no access to his money and nowhere to stay.  Now look at him!

As he sat in the back of the cab as it fought its way through the traffic he thought that he should call himself smug bastard.  He just hoped he wasn't jumping the gun.  In his bones he just knew that he wasn't.  There was something about Nick that had struck a chord with him and he was almost positive...  No, he'd change that to just positive that it was the same for Nick. 

When he was back at the house he did his chores.  Made the bed and tidied up from his early get away.  He checked Nick's bedroom and found that he'd made his bed.  He pottered around to make sure everything was as it should be and the realised he was missing something.

He had forgotten his coffee.  Now that was a serious lapse of memory; he laughed to himself as he set about his preparing his morning coffee pot.  He'd just set it all up and started it when Nick arrived home.

"God, Nick, you're early."

"You want me to go back and work some more?"  Nick laughed

"I do not."  He walked over to Nick and stood directly in front of him.  He looked at his face for a few moments and then leaned in and kissed him.  Nick was smiling into the chaste kiss and pulled back. 

"You smell.  Of chlorine."

"I do?  I do.  I did have a shower but it clings...I'll have another shower."

"I'm impressed that you stuck to your schedule and still went swimming...you call a cab?"

"I did and I did eighty-five lengths at fast, well, quite fast breast stroke.  I have even more reason to get fit now...haven't you heard?  I've got a new young lover."  God, he sounded so smug.

"That so?  Well, I guess you need an eye inspection 'cause last I heard he wasn't that young."

"It's relative."

"Do you want to go and get your hiking boots before...well before..."  Nick left the sentence hanging in the air but Gil knew exactly what he meant.

"I could shower again when we get back...but I do need a coffee before we go...this will be my first.  And I googled the hiking boots and the ones with the best reviews were some Timberland hi-tech things...I've got it written down."

"There's a timberland shop..."

"...at the outlets."  They both laughed.  "Finishing each other's sentences?"  Nick was still laughing.

"I know.  Domestic.  But you know...that's how I feel...and how I've felt since just after you arrived...you're like a comfortable shoe...fit perfectly and..."

"...broken in.  I don't know whether I actually like the analogy; being likened to an old boot..."

"...shoe.  I said shoe; it could be a fancy French dress shoe."

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."

"Thanks."  Nick looked at Gil and then laughed some more and hugged him.  

The boots, Nick opined, were exactly what Gil should have.  At the store they hadn't got his size but Nick said to try the next size up and use proper socks.  Gil bought a pair of socks and tried on the boots wearing the socks.  They were an exact fit.  He bought the boots and three more pairs of socks.  And Nick gave him instructions to wear the boots at every opportunity and for every walk he took before they went to the canyon.  Nick had said it was highly unlikely that they would rub but breaking them should ensure that any tightness or problems were dealt with before the big hike.

Gil confessed about his blisters.  Nick wasn't surprised at all but insisted on checking them out when they got home...he didn't want them to become infected. Gil was heartened by Nick's concern and tried desperately to wipe the smile from his face but somehow it seemed to be stuck there.

So Gil showered once more and prised off the bandages under water.  The blister bandages repaired the skin beneath them and they were left on really until they just fell off and the blister was gone.  Gil was happy to see that his blisters were almost non-existent; they probably only needed ordinary bandages on them now just to prevent the new skin being rubbed.

As Gil was shaving Nick came into the bathroom.  A towel wrapped around his middle.  "My water kept going cold because we were showering at the same time.  I cannot believe we took separate showers."

"Old habits, I guess."

"Have you moved your stuff into my bedroom?"

"No..."

"...why not?"

"For one thing I hadn't been invited...I don't want to make presumptions and I don't want to invade your space, Nick."

"Man.  I presume we're sleeping together now and it's our space, isn't it?  Leave your gear in the wardrobe and drawers in the spare bedroom until I've made room for you...but bring all you bathroom stuff into mine.  We should be sharing.  I'd like that."

"Okay."  Gil said simply but he could hardly contain his happiness at being invited into Nick's bed.  He suddenly had an overwhelming urge to say, 'I love you', but fought it.  He didn't want to rush this relationship.  It was too good, already, and he was going to try with all his heart not to jeopardise anything.

"You're doing a lot of thinking for one 'okay'."

"Yes.  Yes, I am.  This isn't going too quickly is it?"

"Do you think it is?"

"I asked first."  But Gil smiled.

"I think we have a lot of lost time to make up for..."  Nick noticed the shaving soap was drying on Gil's face and he held an open cutthroat razor in his hand.  "Hey, do you trust me enough to let me shave you?"  Nick was joking but the moment he said the words he knew he'd said something wrong.  Nick was standing behind Gil looking at Gil's face in the bathroom mirror and his face became, in that instant, almost haunted.

***

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