Title: The Nearness of You
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Ryan Wolfe
Fandom: CSI: Vegas/CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Continuation of Rip in Heaven.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Ryan Wolfe, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Ryan yawned and looked at his watch; he'd been up for over eighteen hours now, and he was ready to go to bed and get some sleep. But Greg seemed to have a hard time letting him be out of the same room; even now, Greg hadn't wanted to get up to go to the bathroom.

He had promised Greg that he would still be sitting here in the same place when he returned, and Greg had nodded and headed down the hallway. But he had hesitated before he'd left the room, looking back at Ryan as though to make sure that he was still there.

He heard the bathroom door open, and just a few seconds later, his boyfriend was back in the room, coming over to the couch and snuggling up beside Ryan, sliding an arm around his waist. Ryan draped one arm over Greg's shoulders, holding him close and taking a deep breath.

"Baby, I'm not going to leave," he said softly, punctuating each word with a gentle kiss against Greg's forehead. "I promise. We had a misunderstanding, and I made a mistake and jumped to conclusions that I shouldn't have. I won't leave you because of it."

"You were g-going to leave just a little while ago," Greg whispered, his voice trembling. "You were going to leave without even t-talking to m-me." There was no accusation in his voice, only sadness; Ryan could hear it loud and clear in his tone.

He turned slightly, sliding both arms around Greg's waist and pulling his boyfriend close against him. One hand moved up Greg's back, then to his hair; Greg pressed his face against Ryan's shoulder, his own thin arms slipping around Ryan's waist and holding on tightly.

Ryan didn't know what to say; he hadn't realized that Greg had such strong abandonment issues. Had they been there before their relationship? Ryan didn't think so; ever since he'd first met Greg, he had thought that the other man was remarkably independent.

But now, Greg was acting as though he was afraid to let Ryan out of his sight -- and Ryan was worried about him. He couldn't help but feel guilty; what if his words and actions had brought out this fearful side of Greg that didn't seem like his boyfriend at all?

"Greg, what's wrong?" he asked, keeping his voice soft and gentle. "I know there's got to be more to this than you just being afraid I'm going to leave. I promise you, baby, I'm not. Even when I thought I was going to, I couldn't make myself do it. I can't leave you."

"Are you sure of that?" Greg's voice still sounded choked; Ryan was almost sure that he was holding back tears. "I don't want you to stay with me just because you feel some kind of responsibility for me and all my neuroses. I want you to be here because you want to be. Because you love me."

"I do love you," Ryan whispered, his voice catching in his throat. "Even if I'd left, I would have still loved for all my life. I couldn't ever stop loving you, Greg. If I had left you, I would have spent the rest of my life regretting that I had. And I would have tried to get you back."

"Would you?" Greg asked, his voice still sounding choked. "Or would you have been too proud to come back to me and admit that you were wrong?" His dark eyes met Ryan's, giving the other man the feeling that his boyfriend was looking directly into his soul.

"I-I don't know," Ryan admitted, hanging his head. "I might have been too proud, but I'd like to think that I would have managed to swallow that pride and admit that I need you more than I've ever needed anything in my life. I can't live without you, Greg."

"I couldn't live without you, either," Greg murmured, resting his head against Ryan's shoulder. "If you did leave me, I think I'd just wither away and die. I might keep living for years, but I'd be a walking corpse. My life wouldn't mean anything to me without you in it."

"I'll always be in your life, Greg," Ryan told him, tightening his arms around Greg's slim waist. "I don't think I could live without you, either. I guess that's the main reason it was so impossible for me to just go. I knew that I'd be leaving my heart behind."

"All I could think was that I was losing the only thing I really cared about in the world," Greg said, his voice thick with tears. He buried his face against Ryan's throat; Ryan could feel the hot tears on his skin. Greg was crying again, sobbing softly in his arms.

"Baby, please don't cry," he whispered, closing his eyes and pressing his face against the softness of Greg's hair. He felt horribly guilty; he was the one who had made Greg cry like this, the one who had wounded the man he loved to the core.

He would try his best never to hurt Greg in this way again, Ryan vowed to himself. There would be no more jumping to conclusions before he had all the facts -- and if Greg told him something, he would believe his boyfriend's words. No more doubting Greg. Not ever.

He should have believed Greg's words from the moment he'd said them, there in their office. He should never have let things go so far. He'd broken Greg's heart; he knew that. His own heart had shattered as well, but that was nothing compared to what he'd made Greg feel.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered, raising his hands to bury them in Greg's hair and raise his boyfriend's face to his. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I made you cry. I'll try my best to never do that again, Greg. I promise. I hate knowing that I'm the one who hurt you like this."

When their lips met, he could again taste the saltiness of Greg's tears on the other man's lips. Ryan wanted to kiss all of those tears away, to lose himself in the sensation of Greg's nearness, to give himself up to the bliss of having the man he loved in his arms.

How could he have ever thought of giving this up? There was no way that he could have survived if he had walked out on Greg. He would have thought about this man night and day, wondering if he was all right, wanting him back, wanting to be with him again.

Nothing would ever have made up for losing Greg. He might have convinced himself that he was happy, but Ryan knew that if he had let what they shared slip away, nothing would ever have made him truly happy again. He had risked everything when he had thought he could walk away.

Thank goodness he'd stopped in time; if Greg hadn't come to him in the kitchen and wrapped those arms around him, begged him not to leave, if he hadn't turned around and looked at the man he loved, he might have made the biggest mistake of his life.

Greg's nearness would have been gone from his life forever; he couldn't have dealt with that. He would have spent every moment, waking and sleeping, wishing that he could feel Greg in his arms again, wanting to hold him, to kiss him, to love him.

No, Ryan told himself, closing his eyes as Greg snuggled into his embrace again. He would have always loved Greg. He would never have stopped. Even if he'd made himself leave, even if he had thought that their bond was completely severed, he would have always loved this man.

Greg's nearness brought a peace to his heart and soul that he'd never experienced before; when he awoke in the dead of night, even after a nightmare had been clawing at him, he knew that everything would be all right as long as he was holding Greg.

They belonged together, for now and all time, Ryan told himself, brushing his lips against Greg's hair. He had been a fool to think that his heart would ever have let him walk away; leaving had never been an option. He would have never been able to make himself go.

"I could never leave you," he whispered, his own voice choked with imminent tears. How could he ever have thought that he could survive without having Greg in his arms and in his heart? He must have been crazy. He hoped he would never feel that way again.

"If you tried to go, I'd follow you," Greg told him, lifting his head from Ryan's shoulder to give him a watery smile. "I belong with you, Ryan. Having you near me is a big part of what makes my life worth living. It's all changed for the better since I met you."

"So has mine, baby," Ryan murmured, closing his eyes and letting himself relax. As long as Greg was near, here in his arms, then everything was right with his world. "So has mine." There was nothing else to say; any other words could wait to be said later.

All that mattered at the moment was that they were together, both where they belonged. Ryan had the feeling that they'd almost stepped on a land mine and been blown sky-high; he just hoped that in the future, those mines would be easier to see -- and to avoid.

It might not always be easy to avoid those land mines, he told himself,stroking a hand through Greg's hair and feeling his boyfriend's slim body relax in his arms. But as long as they had each other, something told him that they would always come through any crisis.

Having Greg near him was all that mattered, Ryan thought, taking a deep breath and inhaling the tangy scent of Greg's skin. This closeness was the most important thing in his life -- and he wasn't going to be so foolish as to nearly let it go again.

***