Title: One More Try
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Post-ep for the S11 CSI: Vegas episode "Cello and Goodbye," and a sequel to the Greg/Nick fic "End of the World". Completely unrelated to the other Greg/Nick series that I write.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Nick Stokes, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Why was he standing here in front of Greg's apartment door, being so careful not to make a sound? Nick wondered, wishing that he could force himself to raise his hand to knock on the door. He couldn't move a muscle, couldn't make a sound.

All he could do was stand here and think about the man on the other side of that door, the man who he loved and wanted with all of his heart, body and soul. The man who he'd treated badly for far too long -- and who was now turning his back on Nick.

Greg had every right to turn away from him, Nick thought, swallowing hard. How many times over the years that they'd been involved had he let Greg down, treated him as though he was always second best to a job? Far too many for either of them to count.

He should have known that this was inevitable. Greg deserved better than the way Nick treated him; he should be with someone who would make him the center of their universe, someone who would give him everything that he could ever possibly need or want.

And instead, he was with a man who thought nothing of running out on him when Greg most needed to be with someone. He shouldn't have gone to LA; anyone could have found Ray. Maybe not as quickly as he had, but they would have gotten the job done.

That trip might have made him look better in Catherine's eyes, but it had cost him the only man he'd ever loved. Nothing that his job could give him -- a promotion, money, the respect of his colleagues -- could ever make up for losing a treasure like Greg.

How could he have been so stupid? He should have known that leaving Greg alone on his birthday would break his heart, especially after they had made plans so carefully. And it could have been avoided; he hadn't been obliged to dance to Catherine's piping.

But, as usual, he'd put his job before Greg -- and he was paying the price for it now. He didn't want to continue to pay that price for the rest of his life; he wanted Greg back in his life, in his bed, in his arms, in his heart. He wanted things to be the way they were.

The problem with the way things had been was that he had become far too good at hurting Greg. He had to stop that. He had to be more sensitive to his lover's feelings -- if it wasn't already too late. All he wanted was for Greg to give him one more chance.

If he hurt his boyfriend again, then he didn't deserve to have Greg in his life. At least now his eyes had been opened to what he was doing, Nick told himself firmly. He was absolutely sure that he wouldn't make the same mistakes again.

Finally, after what seemed like an agonizingly long wait, Nick finally raised his hand, hesitating for just a few seconds more before he knocked on the door. He couldn't hear anyone stirring around inside; after another few seconds, he knocked again, more loudly this time.

Finally, he heard footsteps inside the apartment, then the door was opened. Greg stood there, looking a little rumpled, wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. Nick could feel his heart melting; he loved seeing Greg dressed in such casual clothes.

He was at a loss for words; all he wanted to do at this moment was fall to his knees and beg Greg to give them one more try, that he would do better this time. But the words stuck in his throat; all he could do was stand there and stare at the man in front of him.

"What do you want, Nick?" Greg asked, his tone colder than Nick had ever heard it. He'd never heard Greg use that tone of voice to anyone, not even to suspects who made him angry. He sounded more remote than if he was on the other side of the world, instead of only a few inches away.

"I .... I ...." Nick swallowed hard again, trying to marshal his whirling thoughts and say the words that he had rehearsed during the drive to Greg's place. "Can I come in so we can talk?" he asked, keeping his voice soft. "Greg, I really need to talk to you."

"What's there to talk about?" Greg asked with a shrug, making no move to let come inside the apartment. "You made your choices, Nick. I've had enough of always coming in a distant second behind work. I told you that if it happened again, you'd be alone. I meant it."

Greg was right. He had said that. But Nick had pushed the warning to the back of his mind, not wanting to believe that his boyfriend would ever leave him. He'd obviously been wrong about that -- and now, he was regretting not having taken Greg's warning more seriously.

"Greg, please," he pleaded, hearing his desperation loud and clear in the tone of his voice. "I need to talk about this. I need to try to make it right." Was anything ever going to make it right? a voice in the back of his mind inquired. Could he ever make up for hurting Greg?

The younger man sighed, then stepped back to let Nick into his apartment. Nick entered, not looking at Greg until the other man had closed the door behind him. He turned around slowly, his gaze meeting Greg's, wanting to take his lover into his arms.

But he couldn't do that. He was absolutely positive that Greg would push him away if he even tried to do something like that -- and Nick wasn't sure that he would blame him for doing so. He'd behaved badly, and he had no idea of how to start making up for that.

"Greg, I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice breaking on the last word. "All I can do is promise you that it won't happen again." Too late, he realized that those weren't the right words to say. He'd said them too often before -- they meant nothing now.

"Yeah?" Greg leaned against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest in a protective gesture. "How many times have you told me that before, Nick? And it always does. It keeps happening, over and over again. I've just finally wised up and realized that I'll never be first in your life."

"Greg, that's not true!" Nick held out his hands to Greg, wishing that he knew some magical words that would express everything he felt inside and convey it to the man he loved. But the feelings were roiling inside him, with no way to get out.

All he could do was stand there, looking at Greg, feeling the distance between them grow wider with each passing breath, even though neither of them moved away from each other. "Please, Greg, just let me give this one more try," he whispered, tears coming to his eyes.

"Why?" Greg demanded, not moving from his defensive position, the look in his eyes still cold and angry. "So you can hurt me again? I've had enough of it, Nick. I'm tired of you always putting work before me. It's been going on for way too long."

"I'll do better, Greg,I promise." Nick was pleading now; if he had thought that getting down on his knees and begging would help, then he would have gladly done it. "Please, Greg. I need you in my life. I know I haven't been the best boyfriend, but I can change."

"If you want another chance, then you'll have to ask me out on a date and get to know me again," Greg told him. "I'm not going to just get back together with you and believe you'll change. You're going to have to prove it to me, one step at a time."

Nick gulped, nodding slowly and raising his gaze to Greg's. "Okay. I can do that. It'll be like when we were first going out," he said, feeling his spirits start to rise. He'd actually like taking Greg out on dates. They could recapture the way it had been when they were first together.

Greg nodded, but he still wasn't smiling. Nick's heart contracted, a wave of uncertainty washing over him. What if he screwed this up again? He was absolutely positive that this would be his last chance with Greg. He couldn't mess things up. Not now.

"What day would be good for you?" he asked, trying not to sound as nervous as he felt. "We're both off on Friday, aren't we? So what about Friday night? Dinner and a movie -- and maybe we can talk and I can make you see that I've ever meant to hurt you."

Greg shook his head, turning away. "Friday isn't going to work. I have a date. We'll have to go out one day next week, I guess. Or on the weekend, if that works for you." He moved across the room to the front door, obviously expecting Nick to be ready to leave.

"Y-you have a date?" Nick asked, incredulous. Greg had already met someone during the couple of days Nick had been in LA, then. He could hardly believe it -- but then, maybe he shouldn't be surprised. It wasn't as though no other men would want Greg.

"Yeah." The note in Greg's voice was almost challenging. "The night you decided that jumping through hoops for Catherine was more important than me and you abandoned me on my birthday, I went out. I met a really nice guy. He's taking me out Friday night."

"I-I see." Nick could barely manage to nod; he felt as though his heart had turned to ice. He shouldn't have been surprised that another man had tried to stake a claim on Greg; it was inevitable. But he hadn't thought that knowing it would hurt this much.

"If you want to take me out, then you'll have to get in line." Greg's tone was almost a challenge, one that Nick didn't want to accept. He wanted things to be the way they always had; he wanted Greg to be his and his alone, with no else in the picture.

But he'd ruined that when he'd made the decision to put someone else before Greg, not for the first time. He should have realized that it would come to this; Greg wasn't going to take being shoved into the background of his life for much longer. This had been bound to happen.

He had been the one to make the mistake, and now he had to live with it -- or try to fix it as best he could. Greg wasn't going to make that easy, but he was willing to work to get his boyfriend back again. He had no other choice. He couldn't live without Greg in his life.

"Okay, what about Sunday after work?" he asked, hoping that Greg would say yes. "It'll be a nice quiet day, and we can have a chance to sit down and really talk." He almost held his breath, waiting to hear what Greg would think about that idea.

Greg nodded, his eyes not meeting Nick's. "Yeah, okay. That sounds good. I don't have any plans after work." Nick knew that; they were both usually too tired to do anything after work but come home and fall into bed. And make love, but that wouldn't be happening for a while.

"Okay, then," he said softly, knowing that it was time for him to leave. "I'll see you at work tomorrow, then. And don't forget about Sunday. I sure won't." With a last small smile in Greg's direction, he opened the door and let himself out, closing it softly behind him.

As he got into his truck, Nick wanted to rest his head against the steering wheel and let the tears come. But he wasn't going to do that until he was safely back at his house, behind locked doors. He was going to lie in his cold, lonely bed, and think of what he was so close to losing.

But he was going out with Greg in just another few days. He hadn't completely lost his love yet; there was still a chance that they could give their relationship one more try and work things out. With that thought in mind, Nick headed for home, already counting the hours until Sunday.

***

Next story in series - Bleeding Heart.