Title: Ramifications
Author: Eby
Author's e-mail: ebonyivory013@aol.com
Disclaimer: Without prejudice. The names of all characters contained here-in are the property of JERRY BRUCKHEIMER Television, Alliance Atlantis Productions Inc. and CBS Productions, Inc. No infringements of these copyrights are intended and are used here without permission.
Pairing: Warrick/Grissom
Archive: Taking Chances and Michael's page
Rating: FRAO
Spoilers: None really.
Sequel to: Double Blind and Recriminations
Category: Established Relationship/Emotional Angst
Summary: Can Gil forgive Warrick's very public outburst? And just how unfounded were Rick's suspicions regarding Sara?

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Pulling into one of the guest parking spaces, I shut off the engine and sit for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. After several long minutes I realize this is stupid. Thinking isn't going to get me face to face with Gil. And I'm not going to know what to say until I can see for myself just how bad the damage is.

I can't let myself think for even a second that he won't let me in.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

I knocked heavily on the door. Yeah, I have a key. But it doesn't feel right using it. Not now. Not after what I said to him. God. The memory of it makes my cheeks burn. The expression on his face. The non-expression.

It was there again on his face when he opened the door a few seconds later. He stood barring the way, his voice cold as he simply said, "Warrick."

I hated myself. I'd done this to him. Taken the warm, quirky, tender man that few people ever get to see and shoved him back behind his walls of self-preservation. The realization made me sick.

"Please...can we talk?" I barely recognize my own voice.

For a moment he looked like he wanted to refuse, than an expression crossed his face too briefly for me to identify. He stood back and opened the door, giving me room to pass, but not an invitation, I noticed.

Taking a steadying breath, I walked into the familiar living room. Too restless to sit down, I paced around for several long minutes while I tried to get my head together enough to say what needed saying.

"Cat got your tongue?" His voice startled me, especially the tone. Cold. Sarcastic. "That didn't seem to be a problem for you the other day."

Ouch. I deserved that.

"Gil, I'm sorry--" But as I turned to look at him I knew I was wasting my time. He had himself locked away where no one could reach him.

"For what? Being honest?" Grissom shrugged. "You're entitled to your opinion. But for the record... don't ever address me like that in front of staff again. Now, if you don't mind I'd like you to leave. I have some journals to catch up on."

"Uh, sure. Okay." What the hell had just happened here? I had no fuckin' idea. "So, are we squared? I'll call you later?"

"No. I don't think that would be appropriate." He shook his head. "I think it's best if we terminated our relationship. I'm too old to change how I deal with things and obviously my way doesn't suit you. It's better this way."

I almost bought it except I heard the crack in his voice. He wasn't as cool as he wanted me to believe.

"Terminate--? Gil, please..." I reached out to him and he backed away, not even trying to look at me.

"Please go." Without waiting to be sure I'd left, my lover... oh wait, make that ex-lover turned and walked down the hall into his office, quietly shutting the door behind him.

I'd just been dismissed.

Numbly I walked out to my truck and climbed in. Why didn't it hurt? I'd been in love before and been dumped. It hurt like hell. Right now I couldn't even summon any anger.

I drove home on autopilot, pulling into my usual parking space and shutting off the truck. Hopping out, I slammed the door and hit the remote to lock it.

Grabbing the mail out of my box, I opened the door to the small but comfortable house my mom had willed to me. Grams had rented it out while I was growing up and in college then when I was ready to be out on my own, she had handed the keys over.

Once inside, I toed the door shut and let the familiarity wrap around me. Sometimes I imagined it was my mom hugging me. Sounds stupid, probably. But this house was the only thing of hers that I had, other than some faded photographs.

Dumping the mail on the kitchen table, I grabbed a beer and headed for my bedroom. I switched the tv set on, stripped down to my boxers and climbed in. As I turned to set the beer on the nightstand, I froze.

The hand-carved onyx panther Gil had given me sat staring me in the face. I swallowed hard. There was no way I was going to be able to keep it around now. Gil had said it reminded him of me.

Springing out of bed, I pulled on a pair of jeans and slid my feet into sandals. Pulling a good-sized box out of the closet, I checked the contents. Old clothes I'd meant to deliver to the thrift shop. Dumping them on the closet floor, I tossed the box on the bed and went through the house with a vengeance. Anything he'd ever given me had to go.

First was the panther. Next was the watch he'd given me for Christmas.

As I went through my clothing, I was stunned at how much he'd spent on me in the relatively short time we'd been together. Leather jeans, because he liked the way they hugged my ass. Silk shirts, for the nights we'd go to the jazz club.

Next was my music and video collection. Even here his presence was overwhelming. Nevertheless I pulled every disk I remembered him giving me.

It nearly killed me to pack up the African print throw blanket I kept on the back of the sofa but I knew in the long run it would hurt more to leave it out. In the box it went.

Folding the box shut, I rooted around until I found a roll of packing tape. Once I'd sealed it I went into the hallway and pulled down the attic stairway. Well, attic is too generous, it's little more than a crawlspace for a guy my height. But it would do.

I didn't have any trouble carrying the box up the short ladder but levering it over my head into the crawlspace got tricky. At one point I lost my balance and fell backward. Luckily I was just inside the entranceway. It kept me from falling off the stairs but I winced as I felt something tear across my bare shoulder. The hand I reached back to check it came away bloody. Damn, I'd have to check that out later.

Shoving the box on top of some others, I climbed back down the ladder and closed the crawlspace again.

My hands were filthy so I headed for the bathroom to wash them off. As I closed the door to get a towel off the rack, I saw it. His robe. The blue silk one I'd given him when I had first asked him to stay the night.

And it hit me. Gil wouldn't be spending the night here ever again. I'd seen to that with my careless words. In one unthinking moment I'd ruined the best relationship I'd ever had, and hurt the man I loved more than my own life.

All the emotion I hadn't felt earlier now swept through me and I dropped to my knees, giving in to sobs of grief and regret.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

I looked up as Warrick entered the break room and frowned. I'd tried calling him during our days off but he hadn't answered. Now I thought I knew why. He looked like crap.

"Hey bro, you okay?" I quietly asked as he dropped wearily onto the overstuffed sofa.

"Hmmm? Nah, I'm fine."

He waved away my concern but I wasn't buying it. There were shadows under his eyes and his face looked gaunt and drawn.

"Don't lie to me, Rick," I hissed, suddenly angry. "If you don't wanna talk about it that's cool, just don't lie, okay?"

Finally he looked up and met my gaze. I sucked in a sharp breath at the pain I saw. But even more than that, his eyes were glassy with fever. I was right, he was sick. So what the hell was he doing here?

"God, Rick...what the hell's goin' on?"

He shook his head, his eyes bright with emotion and I knew he was saying he couldn't talk about it. Not here. Not now.

Sara came in next, curling up in the armchair.

"Hey, guys."

"Hey, Sara," I returned.

Warrick nodded in her direction, saved from having to say anything when Catherine and Gil entered the room.

What happened next shocked me. In all our years working together, I've never seen Grissom ignore anyone so completely as he did Rick. He handed out assignments, pairing me with Rick and handing me the call sheet. Catherine got a solo case and Grissom paired with Sara.

I could feel Warrick tense as Griss announced that, and looking over I caught a brief grin on triumph on Sara's face. Something was seriously messed up around here.

"Okay, folks. Let's get to it," Grissom finished up. To Sara he said, "I have to get my kit so I'll meet you in the lot." He headed out of the break room with Catherine following behind.

"You look a bit rough, Warrick," Sara commented, her tone casual.

"I'm fine." He pushed to his feet, glaring at her.

"Yeah, you look it." She nodded.

Was that a smirk on her face? Damn.

"Nick, I've got your results on that metallic substance on the pliers in the Wilson case." David Hodges appeared in the doorway of the break room. He looked at Warrick and frowned. "You look like shit, Warrick."

Alarm bells really began ringing in my head when Rick didn't even acknowledge Hodges' presence. We were going to have to have a serious talk once we got on the road.

"I'll be right there," I said to David, then I turned to Warrick. "See you outside in a couple minutes, okay?"

"Yeah."

Behind me, I could hear Sara call out, "Hey Warrick, you tried that new Japanese restaurant yet?"

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Brass called while I was in my office collecting my kit and that delayed me. As I hung up, I had a clear view of the break room and I could see Sara and Warrick talking. Or rather, Sara was talking. Rick stood with his back to me so I couldn't see if he was responding or not.

I try not to eavesdrop on my team's conversations. But lately there's a tension between Sara and Warrick that makes me uneasy. I had tried to convince myself it was Warrick's paranoia but the evidence wasn't supporting that any longer.

I saw her mouth the words "yesterday", "Grissom" and "dinner" and my blood froze. Suddenly I knew what she was trying to do and it made me ill. Rick had been right all along. Sara would take advantage of any situation to drive a wedge between him and I and I had played right into her hand.

The day shift had been short-handed yesterday so they had called me in. When one of the cases turned out to be more complicated I had checked the on-call list and discovered Sara was next. She had been more than willing to come in and after the shift was over she asked if I was free for dinner. Since I needed to eat and I hadn't wanted to dine alone I agreed. At the time I had thought it to be a harmless venture. Now I could see what a mistake that had been.

The place that Rick held in my heart still ached like a raw wound but I refused to acknowledge it fully. I'd never expected betrayal from the one person I thought I could trust with my heart. Once again I'd been proved wrong.

As angry as I still was at him, I couldn't stand by and let Sara gloat over something that had no meaning beyond two co-workers sharing a meal. Grabbing the handle of my kit, I headed for the break room.

I walked in behind Warrick, and Sara's voice died to a squeak. She flushed bright red and stared down at the floor.

"Sara, we have a scene to process, don't we?" I kept my voice mild, but everyone on my team knows me well enough to know not to push further.

Warrick didn't acknowledge my presence. Without a word to either of us he turned and walked out of the room and down the hall to the exit.

I couldn't help frowning as I watched him go. There was something... not right in his gait. I wanted to call after him because as his supervisor I had a right to know if something was affecting him. But I had always tried to avoid using that position over him in any way.

I wasn't about to start now.

Turning back to Sara I caught a flash of resentment and it filled me with anger. I could guess what she had implied to him and how he would take it.

"Sara, I have my own theories about why you constantly bait Warrick. But I will tell you this much. One day you'll push him too far and the results will be disastrous." I kept my voice level. "You're an intelligent woman. Give it some thought before you end up saying something you regret."

With that I turned and walked out to my truck. I didn't look back to see if she was following because at this point I really hoped she wouldn't.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

I had the truck running when Rick finally climbed in and fastened his seat belt. He missed on the first try but got it with the second. I couldn't help looking at him in concern.

"You gonna be all right to do the job, Rick?"

"Yeah, man. Let's get it over with," he answered tiredly.

We drove for a few blocks before Warrick murmured, "He broke it off, Nick. I screwed up and he just... turned his back. God--" He leaned his head back against the head rest.

I flinched at hearing that. I didn't need to ask who 'he' was. I'd known Rick was attracted to our boss for years. The affair...relationship, whatever, was recent though.

Damn. I'd worried that being involved with Gil Grissom would rip Warrick's heart out but on the other hand I wanted to give Griss the benefit of the doubt. After all, for a while Rick was the happiest I'd ever seen him.

God, I hate being right, especially about something like this. It was all fucked up.

"I'm sorry, bro. I'm really sorry."

"Yeah, me too." Warrick scrubbed his hands over his face. "I went to his place to try to apologize. He barely gave me the time of day."

The flat tone worried me. This wasn't the Warrick Brown I knew. That man would have been fighting mad, willing to do anything to make Grissom see his point of view. This beaten down man was a stranger to me.

The rest of the trip passed in silence. The police had the perimeter roped off and were working crowd control as we pulled into the driveway.

I got out first and walked around to the passenger side, waiting for Warrick. He stumbled out of the truck, steadying himself against the door for balance.

A glare from him was all it took for me to bite my tongue. This was more than just the break-up with Grissom. I wondered for a moment if he was hung-over but he wasn't slurring his words. Besides, Warrick has never come to work drunk. Never. As much as this is hurting him I refuse to believe he'd start now. I resolved to keep an eye on him. If he got any worse I was going to have to alert Grissom.

We got halfway through processing the scene when I noticed he was getting more and more uncoordinated. He was kneeling down to take pictures of the vic and when he stood up, he staggered. He would have gone down if I hadn't been so close by.

"Jesus, Rick...you're burning up, man!" Now that I was holding on to his arm I could feel the heat rolling off him in waves. "You shouldn't be here. Why don't you head back out to the truck? I'll finish up here and then take you home."

He nodded wearily, not even protesting. He unzipped his vest, took three steps and before I realized what was happening Warrick collapsed.

"Dammit!" Running to his side, I pulled out my radio and yelled, "Officer down! I need medics in here now!"

Chapter 2

I worked the scene with a calm I didn't really feel. I know my team thinks I'm unemotional. The fact is, I have to fight for that calm most of the time. Years of bitter experience taught me that to give in to my temper will get me into more trouble than I can handle.

Case in point: the current situation with Warrick. He had been right about Sara's intentions. How had I missed it all this time? But I knew the answer to that one too. My attention was split between my job and Warrick. Anything else became superfluous.

We had nearly finished processing the scene when Sara turned to me.

"Grissom--

"Sara--"

We smiled awkwardly and she motioned for me to continue. I nodded, knowing this was not going to be easy. But if I was to ever have a hope of rebuilding my relationship I had to forge ahead. Part of that was getting Sara to understand the boundaries of our relationship. It was strictly professional and that was all it was ever going to be.

"Sara, I know there has always been tension between you and Warrick. I'm not saying it's not justified. I know he can be stubborn and impetuous sometimes--"

She rolled her eyes and huffed in exasperation. "Stubborn? Warrick puts the mule in stubborn. And impetuous?" She crossed her arms, her expression brightening. "Y'know, the reason I ride him so hard is that he can be so much more if he would just concentrate. When we work together, I always--"

I felt my face flush with anger. Is this what Warrick constantly had to deal with from her? My God. How had I missed this?

She was still trying to make her point when my cell phone rang. I grabbed it, glad for the interruption.

I hit the receive button. "Grissom."

'Rick's down. EMTs are on the way.' Nick's voice sounded strained.

"Nick? What happened?"

'I was gonna ask you but I guess you wouldn't know, would you?'

Not strained. Angry. At this point I couldn't have cared less. My brain was focused on 'Rick's down'.

"Nick, tell me what's going on. Now!" I used my best pissed-off supervisor voice and this time it worked.

'I'm not sure,' he admitted. 'He's been quiet, but I put that down to...personal issues. We started processing the scene and he just kept getting clumsier and clumsier. I had to grab his arm to keep him from falling over. That's when I discovered he was burning up. I told him to head out to the truck and wait for me. He didn't make it more than three steps before passing out. That was six minutes ago and he's still not coming around. Griss... something's wrong. Really wrong.'

Nick was no longer angry, I realized; he was scared. And so was I. I tried to remember how Rick had looked when I was handing out assignments. To my shame I realized I'd looked everywhere but at him directly. God. I'm such an asshole sometimes. No matter what was going on between us personally it was still my responsibility to make sure every member of my team was fit for field duty. Dammit.

"Grissom, what's going on?" Sara asked, frowning.

I waved her off, turning away for some privacy. I could hear other voices in the background now.

"Nick?" He didn't answer. My heart was pounding with fear. "Nick!"

Our cell phones have extremely sensitive mics, and Nick's was picking up the medics voices as they were working on Warrick. The numbers I was hearing for blood pressure and heart rate were not good. And then I heard his temperature. No. That couldn't be right. 102.7? How in the hell had Rick been on his feet at all? My own heart rate stuttered.

"Nicky, I swear to God if you don't get back on the phone I'm going to--"

"Boss, they're taking him to Desert Palms. I'm riding with him." Nick disconnected the call.

I closed my phone and pocketed it then turned to Sara. I had to clear my throat before I could find my voice again.

"Warrick collapsed at the scene. They're taking him to Desert Palms." This felt so surreal. "Keep processing here. I'll have the officer give you a ride back to the lab when you're through."

Without giving her time to respond, I rushed out the door.

Now more than ever my place was with Rick. He'd been right all along about Sara and I had refused time after time to listen. God, please give me the chance to apologize and make things right with him.

Chapter 3

I stood watching the rest of the team, including Brass, huddle in the waiting room. It had been just over two hours since Warrick had been brought in and there was still no word on his condition.

I'm no medical doctor, but a healthy man doesn't just collapse for no reason. And the only reasons I can think of were serious. Especially since Warrick had still been unconscious when he arrived at the hospital.

Every so often Nick would glance over at me. If looks could kill I would have been dead within the first half hour. As time passed his expression changed to one of pity, or maybe sorrow. I wasn't sure which and I didn't really want to know, either.

Obviously he knew at least something about the trouble between Warrick and I. I couldn't help wondering exactly what Warrick said to him. Very little, if my guess was correct. Rick wasn't one for gossip usually. And as much as I had hurt him, he wouldn't jeopardize my authority by running me down to Nick. Not beyond the obvious at least.

God Rick... just please don't leave me now! I silently begged. Give me another chance.

Feeling suddenly claustrophobic I stalked out of the waiting room, following the hallway until I found the exit to the parking lot. Once outside, I inhaled the cool desert air.

Closing my eyes, I found myself recalling nights that Rick and I had sat on the deck of my condo, relaxing together. Those times seemed so far off now, like a distant memory.

"Gil."

Jim Brass' rough voice recalled me to the present and I turned to face my old friend.

"A nurse stopped by to let us know the doc's on his way out to talk to us about Rick."

"Thanks, Jim."

I don't know if Jim is aware of my relationship with Rick or not. If nothing else he knows Warrick is a close friend. And he's one of my team and that alone makes him important to me.

We walked inside in silence. The doctor was just arriving as we re-joined the others.

"Are you all here for..." he checked the chart, "Warrick Brown?"

At the affirmative nods the doctor continued. "Very well. I'm Doctor Fontaine and I've been looking after your friend. Right now he's a pretty sick man."

"Yeah, but what's wrong with him, Doc?" Nick asked.

"To start with, he's severely dehydrated. He's also malnourished, though that looks like a recent condition. At a guess I'd say he's been under a lot of stress lately. The nasty infection he picked up hasn't helped matters." The doctor frowned. "Didn't he say anything about the laceration on his back? Nobody noticed it?"

The others all looked as startled as I felt which relieved me in an odd sort of way. It meant that I wasn't the only one out of the loop.

"On its own the laceration wouldn't have been serious if it had been treated. But left alone, it festered. That infection has now spread."

I didn't need the doctor's grim expression to tell me this was bad news. God, Rick...

Fontaine continued, "Mr. Brown is also weakened from malnourishment and dehydration which leaves him more vulnerable to other more serious infections. Simply put, your friend is in for quite a battle. Luckily, he's young and looked to be in good health before this happened so that's in his favor."

"What are you doing for him?" I asked.

"We've got him on strong intravenous antibiotics as well as saline to get him hydrated," the doctor explained. "We're also using external cooling methods to try to bring his temperature down."

"Can we see him?" Catherine asked.

Fontaine hesitated. "Right now I'm restricting his visits to immediate family members only."

I could feel Nick's stare as I cleared my throat. "His only known living relative is his grandmother and she's in a managed care facility. I've got medical power of attorney for him though. And I'd like to see him."

The doctor didn't look too pleased, but he nodded and gestured down the hall, indicating I should accompany him. He stopped before one of the curtained areas and said, "Your friend is in here. I'll have a nurse get you when your time is up. He may be delirious so don't take anything he says too personally."

As I pulled the curtain aside, my heart broke when I got my first good look at Warrick. How had I missed the fact that he was this sick? The answer damned me. I hadn't looked. I'd paired him with Nick and given the call sheet to the other man, totally avoiding Warrick in the process.

Taking the two steps that brought me to his bedside, I hesitantly took his hand in mine. So hot. And yet there was no sweat. He's dehydrated, I had to remind myself. His face was gaunt and pale, his cheekbones more sharply outlined than usual.

Leaning close, I kissed his forehead. "We're all here, Rick. Just rest and concentrate on getting well."

A nurse entered the cubicle, smiling slightly. "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to leave now."

Numb with shock, I nodded. How I managed to put one foot in front of the other and make my way back to the waiting room is still a mystery to me.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Hearing that Grissom had medical power of attorney for Warrick didn't really surprise me all that much. His grandmother had suffered a minor stroke six months ago and had to move into a managed care facility. She was still Grams, just not as mobile and sharp as she had been. Rick had taken it hard, but she had been the one to insist that the home was best for both of them.

What did surprise me was the look on Grissom's face when he joined us after his brief visit with Rick. It looked like he had aged a decade in just a few minutes.

"Gil? How is he?" Catherine softly questioned, reaching out to grip Grissom's hand.

"He's--" Grissom cleared his throat. "He's in pretty rough shape."

"Rick's a tough kid. He'll beat this," Brass assured.

I wanted to agree with him but judging from Grissom's expression the odds weren't good. Then again this is Vegas. Anything can happen.

Griss scrubbed his face wearily. "Look, it's no use for all of us to hang around here. You guys might as well go home and get some sleep."

Brass checked his watch and grimaced. "I have early shift tomorrow. Joy. Tell Rick I'll be back to see him later, okay?"

"Hold up, Jim," Catherine requested. She gave me a quick hug and repeated the action with Gil, holding on just a bit longer. "Tell 'im we love him, Gil. And that we're going to kick his ass for worrying us like this when he's better."

I couldn't help grinning. "Oh, like that's incentive for him to get better?"

With a wave and a watery grin, she joined Brass and they headed out.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Grateful that Catherine and Brass had at least left, I collapsed into the nearest chair. I watched Nick restlessly pace the small area. He wouldn't leave and I couldn't blame him. He and Rick were best friends. Brothers of a different skin, I sometimes thought.

"How long have you known?" I finally asked.

He chuckled, but it didn't really sound amused. "That you two were together or that he loved you?"

That stunned me. I'd been more blind than I ever realized; I hadn't known about Rick's feelings for me until just before we got together. Hadn't dared to hope my feelings were reciprocated.

"Wait a minute...are you saying--?"

"He's loved you for years, man." The dark eyes held no anger now, only sympathy. And that only made me feel worse.

"God, I really blew it." The best relationship of my life and I'd sabotaged it. It didn't matter whose fault it was. Over the course of a lifetime any couple has disagreements and arguments. It's how those situations are ultimately handled that define the ultimate path that couple will take.

"Yeah, you did." He came over and sat across from me, staring at me unflinchingly. "Do you love him?"

A part of me wanted to snap that it was none of his business but that would have been the wrong answer. It was his business. He was looking out for his best friend. Warrick would do the same for him and I would expect him to.

"Yes," I said, surprised at the strength of my voice.

He nodded, apparently satisfied with that answer.

"Rick's a real fighter; we both know that. Knowing you're still here for him could help make the difference."

"I'm not so sure of that, Nick." I leaned back in the chair, closing my eyes. "I hurt him pretty badly."

"You're right. Luckily Warrick has this amazing ability to forgive people."

I stared at him, then nodded. I knew that was true. After all, Warrick had managed to forgive himself for the death of Holly Gribbs. Forgiving oneself is usually hardest.

"Besides, I think he'd be the first to admit he hurt you too, Griss. What he said..." Nick shook his head. "No matter where his head was at, he was wrong."

"We were both wrong," I whispered. "I just hope we get the chance to set things right."

"Believe it or not, so do I. But I swear to God, Grissom.... if you ever hurt him like this again, all bets are off." His eyes now glittered with anger. "Set things straight with Sara. That'd be a good place to start."

"I tried talking with her earlier without much success." I held up a hand to ward off Nick's protest. "I'm not giving up, Nick. One way or another, Sara is going to have to realize how important Warrick is to me."

Nick relaxed, nodding. Then he flushed, looking uncomfortable.

"What is it, Nick?"

"Uh, well, it just occurred to me that I've been sitting here reaming my boss out for the past half hour." He looked abashed. "I'm surprised I still have any teeth left."

I snorted with genuine amusement. Then as I watched him I sobered.

"Nick, true friendship like you and Warrick have is one of the rarest gifts on earth. You wouldn't be half the man I know you to be if you didn't go all out to protect him."

Before Nick could answer, Doctor Fontaine ran down the hallway. I got up, Nick following behind me.

My heart stuttered as I noticed a flurry of activity outside Rick's cubicle. Numerous medical personnel were bringing in machines and I knew that whatever was going on it couldn't be good.

Chapter 4

My heart stuttered as I noticed a flurry of activity outside Rick's cubicle. Numerous medical personnel were bringing in machines and I knew that none of it was going to be good news.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Pneumonia.

An inflammation of one or both lungs, usually caused by infection from a bacterium or virus. I knew the clinical definition. Understood only too well the potential ramifications. Could list with ease each and every effect on a human body that could be wrought by it.

Pneumonia.

My brain refused to absorb the word. Especially in relation to Warrick. And yet Doctor Fontaine had delivered the grim diagnosis six hours ago.

Normally pneumonia wouldn't be much of a complication for a healthy man. And therein lay the problem. Warrick wasn't healthy. Already dehydrated and battling a serious infection, his weakened body was struggling to cope with the added burden of pneumonia. He had no reserves left to fight it with.

Doctor Fontaine had explained they were doing everything possible. They were continuing to give him strong intravenous antibiotics, keeping him hydrated and applying cooling measures. The rest was up to Warrick.

Visitation in ICU was strictly enforced in spite of my attempts to pull the 'medical colleague' card. The one labeled 'medical power of attorney' did only slightly better. Ten minutes an hour. I should be allowed more time with him. He shouldn't be alone right now. Dammit, legally I was Warrick's family--

Oh, God. Please give me the chance to tell him how much I still want to be his family.

I hadn't missed an opportunity yet to try. I used those few minutes to encourage Rick to hang on. I knew if he didn't give up he could beat this.

"Rick, I know I've already said this but I'm going to keep repeating it until I'm sure you really hear it. I'm sorry. You were right about Sara. I should have dealt with her properly years ago. I should have listened to you about a lot of things."

But I hadn't and now we were paying the price. Correction. Warrick was. Much more so than me. God, the thought twisted my gut.

This whole situation felt like a nightmare. I kept hoping the next time I opened my eyes I'd wake up and find it really had been all a dream. So far I hadn't gotten that lucky.

I took Rick's lax hand in mind, stroking my thumb over the warm, dry flesh.

"I love you, Warrick," I whispered. "I'm just sorry it took something like this for me to realize just how much."

"Mr. Grissom? I'm sorry but you'll have to step out now." The nurse smiled sympathetically, as she had the other five times she had displaced me.

I nodded. Pushing wearily to my feet, I leaned over and pressed a soft kiss against my love's forehead. The nurse's presence didn't even register with me any more. My need to show my love to Rick outweighed any slight discomfort at the near-public display of affection.

"Take care of him," I softly instructed as I left.

She nodded. "We'll give it everything we have and then some."

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Somehow I wasn't surprised to see Catherine, Nick, Brass and Sara when I returned to the waiting room.

Catherine saw me first and walked over to meet me. "How is he?"

"He's...slipping," I admitted gruffly. It hurt to think it, let alone say it. "His temperature is still rising and his sats are falling."

Nick cursed softly, averting his gaze. Brass cleared his throat, his eyes suspiciously bright. But it was Sara's reaction that stunned everyone.

"Not to be indelicate, but when are you coming back to work?"

"Sara!" Catherine gasped.

"It's a valid question," she snapped defensively.

I sighed heavily. It looked like my opportunity to talk with Sara had just dropped into my lap. The location wasn't ideal but at least it was neutral territory. Or at least as neutral as we were likely to get.

Catherine must have caught something in my expression because she said, "Why don't we go get some coffee. See if there's anything to eat?"

Typically, Sara answered, "I'm not hungry."

"Good, you can keep me company," I said mildly.

Her expression brightened and I cursed my choice of words. When was I ever going to learn?

"You and I need to talk, Sara," I said when the others had disappeared down the hall.

She shrugged and crossed her arms over her chest. "About what?"

"Have a seat." I gestured to the nearby chairs and took one across from her.

"So. Talk." She settled into her seat.

I took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy. But life wasn't guaranteed to be easy. And Rick was definitely worth whatever this cost me.

Direct always worked best for me. And if I could keep it level, professional... she could relate to that. Hopefully.

"I think-- I think we seem to be experiencing some miscommunication between us." That sounded uncertain even to my ears.

Sara's eyes widened slightly as she listened, and then her posture stiffened even more than usual. But her voice was even as she replied, "We don't have any problems communicating. I think we understand one another perfectly."

Damn. How do I get myself into these situations?

"Sara." I had to pause, blowing out a long breath as I tried to relax. "Sara," I repeated. "If I've ever led you to believe... If I've said anything that's made you think we could be more than colleagues--"

Colleagues. God. There had to be some middle ground between apparently leading her on and being a cold-hearted bastard. I'd already done too much of both. I had to find a way to rephrase.

"If I've led you to believe we could be more than good friends, I'm sorry," I finally said in a rush. "I would never deliberately do that to you. To anyone."

She shook her head, not buying it. "This can't be happening. I am not getting ditched in a hospital waiting room."

I sighed heavily. "Sara, you're not getting ditched at all. There never was an 'us' to begin with. Can't you see?"

"But... All those times--" Her eyes were bright with tears now.

"All I can offer you is my friendship, Sara. I'm sorry but my heart lies elsewhere. Surely you realize that?"

"How could I be so blind?" she finally whispered, raw with pain. "It's Warrick, of course. It's always been Warrick. The favored son or so I always thought. But it's more than that, isn't it!"

I knew I had to be honest with her. "I love him, Sara. I have for a long time."

"God, this is all so fucked up." She blinked back tears, staring at the ceiling.

Part of me wanted to apologize, but the more rational part of me argued that Sara had always seen only what she had wanted to see. Clearly she had ignored anything else that didn't suit her.

I watched as she got to her feet, angrily wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Well, at least I know where I stand now. Which is nowhere. I hope you and Warrick are very happy together."

She walked down the hall and turned the corner and I wondered what the fall-out of this conversation would end up being.

It was bitterly ironic that her wish might in fact never come true. Warrick's future hung in the balance and I wasn't sure I could swing that balance in my favor any longer.

I only knew I had to keep trying.

Chapter 5

I'd just fallen asleep. How in the hell could my alarm be going off? Rolling over, I smacked the snooze button. It didn't work. Annoyed, I shut off the alarm. The noise continued.

Just as I was about to throw the damned thing against the wall, my fogged brain realized it was the cell phone ringing, not my alarm.

"Fuck." That could only mean I was being called in early. Granted, it was barely the middle of the afternoon but it was also the middle of my 'night'.

Grabbing my phone, I hit the "talk" button. "Stokes."

"Nick, it's Grissom." He paused to clear his throat. "They've, uh, they've had to put him on a vent, Nick. He wasn't getting enough oxygen."

Shitshitshit. I was awake now for sure.

"I'm on my way." I disconnected the call before he could tell me not to bother. If Rick's condition was that serious I wanted to be there for him. I had to be there for him. He was my best friend.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Forty-five minutes later, I found Grissom leaning against the wall outside ICU. His arms were crossed over his chest and his head was bowed. He didn't appear to be aware of his surroundings at all.

I stopped and studied him. He looked drawn and worn, like he'd aged years in just a couple days. In that moment I realized that I'd misjudged this man. So had Rick, for that matter. It wasn't that Grissom was incapable of feeling emotion. He was scared to. Scared because he felt so deeply it was hard to control.

Whoa, Rick... what have you gotten yourself into? I wondered. Not that it was any of my business.

"Griss?" I softly called, not wanting to startle him.

He looked up at me and I sucked in a sharp breath. His eyes were red-rimmed with dark circles beneath. He was gray with stress and exhaustion.

"Nicky--" He pulled me into a quick hug that I think startled us both.

"How is he?" I asked when he stepped back.

"They say he's stable." Grissom shrugged. "How anyone can be stable and still hooked up to half the hospital's equipment is beyond me."

I reached out and squeezed his arm in support.

"Nick--"

The expression in his eyes scared me. I can't remember ever seeing Gil Grissom look vulnerable.

"I got permission from Rick's doctor for you to see him." Grissom swallowed hard. When he spoke again, his voice was a harsh rasp. "I've been hoping that talking to him would help; now I can't help thinking the sound of my voice might be the last thing he wants to hear."

While I was grateful for the chance to visit Rick, I didn't like the sound of defeat in Grissom's voice. Was he giving up?

"Grissom--"

He held up a hand. "It may have nothing to do with me at all, Nick. You're his best friend. If nothing else you should have the opportunity to see him."

"Thanks, Gil." There was really nothing else I could say as this point so I headed off through the doors into the ward. I stopped by the desk and a nurse escorted me to Rick's cubicle.

As bad as Griss looked, I wasn't surprised that Rick looked even worse. I swallowed hard. Warrick's always been the picture of health. I can count on one hand the number of times he's ever called in sick during the years we've worked together. Seeing him like this hurt like a physical thing.

Seeing a stool nearby, I brought it close and sat down, grasping his hand and squeezing gently.

"Hey, man, don't you think it's time you stopped taking up space here?" I kept my voice quiet. "You're starting to scare me, Rick. But what really worries me is that guy out in the hallway wearing Grissom's face. He hasn't left since you were brought in."

I had to take a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy. In fact, my instincts were warning me not to get involved. But hell, I was already involved. I'm Rick's friend, after all. And his welfare is my concern.

"He loves you, Rick. Make no mistake about it, that man is definitely in love. Far be it from me to tell you how to live your life, but if I had someone that dedicated waiting around for me?" I paused and shook my head. "I'd snap him up faster than your head could spin."

I blushed, realizing what I'd said. If he'd been awake, my friend would have teased me without mercy. But there was no response, and I didn't expect one. They were keeping Warrick sedated to give his overtaxed body some rest. Nevertheless, I kept talking.

"I know there's hurt on both sides, man. Neither of you is real good at opening up about what's bothering you. But, Rick, think about it. You're the only person Gil has cared enough about to reach out to. He needs you, man, and trust me, from where I sit it sure looks like he's finally figured that out. Don't crap out on us, buddy. Give him another chance."

I had to clear my throat, a little embarrassed. What I wouldn't give for a beer right now! God, what I wouldn't give for Rick to be awake and trying to steal that beer.

"You're in there somewhere laughing me, I bet. Playing matchmaker between my boss and my best friend." I chuckled. It did seem weird. But I'd do anything possible to keep him on this side of Life.

I sobered, then continued, "I know you need him too, Rick. He's good for you, and I never thought I'd say that. It just might be worth the risk to try again, buddy, but you're not gonna know unless you fight back and beat this thing."

My thoughts turned once again to Gil as I'd last seen him, standing by sheer will alone, despondent and exhausted.

"I gotta tell you, bro...if you don't make it, if he loses you like this, I don't think he's ever gonna risk his heart again."

The nurse who had showed me to Rick cubicle now pulled aside the curtain and motioned with her head. I nodded understanding

"That's my cue to leave, buddy. Think about what I said, okay? But I'm warning you, if you check out on me now I'm gonna find you on the other side and kick your ass." Giving his hand one last squeeze, I placed it under the covers and followed the nurse out of the ward

"I wish all our patients had someone to tell them off like you just did," she said with a smile. "More of them might fight harder to live.

I flushed. "I'm not sure it's exactly what the doc ordered, ma'am. Might have done more harm than good.

She shook her head. "Love like that gives hope. And where there's hope, there's life.

"That's what I'm prayin' for." Nodding to her, I headed back out to keep vigil with Grissom.

Chapter 6

Two days. It's now been two days since they had to intubate him. The doctors say he's holding his own and I know that's a good thing. Still, it hurts to see him this still and unresponsive. Even in sleep he was never this motionless.

I used to love sharing a bed with him. Warrick is a very tactile person. At first I found it disconcerting to fall asleep with a human octopus curled around me. But as the months progressed I found it harder and harder to sleep without his presence.

The nurse who just left had tried to reassure me by saying his vitals were actually getting stronger and at least he'd had no major crises. But I'd had a very frank chat with Al Robbins and I knew that Rick's depleted system could only hold out so long.

Reaching out, I grasped his hand. Those hands that had driven me to madness on more than one occasion. Long, tapered fingers. He should have been a musician. Professionally, I mean. He doesn't just play music, you see. He creates it. He can sit down and weave a song for you like an artist paints a scene or a writer creates a universe.

And his voice. God, that voice... it's rich as sin.

With my free hand I rubbed my eyes. I was exhausted. Nick, Catherine and Jim kept conspiring to get me out of the hospital but I couldn't stay away. My place was here with Warrick. I realized that now.

I just hope I didn't leave it too long.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

A day later I once again found myself out in the hallway. But this time I had a grin plastered across my face as Catherine and Nick approached.

"Gil? Your message said it was urgent--" Catherine broke off, confused when she saw my smile.

"You weren't listening, Cath," I gently teased. "I said important, not urgent."

Nick picked up on my mood and grinned; the first genuine grin I'd seen on any of my friends faces since... Well, since before Matt Phelps and the death of his little girl.

"He's awake?"

I nodded. "His vitals began improving through the night. Doctor Fontaine eased back the sedation. They're removing the breathing tube now."

"All right!" Nick punched the air in triumph.

Catherine laughed a bit unsteadily, then stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. It felt good, giving them positive news for a change.

Chapter 7

Doctor Fontaine exited the ICU ward a few minutes later, smiling broadly.

"How is he?" Judging by Fontaine's expression, things were finally looking up.

"He's doing better than I hoped," the doctor responded. "His fever broke overnight and has been slowly coming down. He's breathing well on his own, his oxygen sats on room air are in the mid-90's and best of all, he's awake."

"Thank God," Catherine breathed, blinking back tears of relief.

"Can we see him?" I asked.

"You can go in for a few minutes now. I'd prefer any other visitors wait until this evening. I don't want him overtaxed too soon. He's doing much better, but he's still very weak and needs as much rest as possible," the doctor reminded. "I need to check on my other patients now."

As Fontaine walked away, I looked at the door to the ICU ward. I knew Nick and Catherine were watching me closely but still I hesitated.

"What are you waiting for? Christmas?" Catherine asked. Reaching out, she gently pushed me toward the door. "Go see him. You know you need to."

Something in her tone made me realize that she knew about my relationship with Warrick. Then again, she and I had been friends for a long time. She knew I was bi-sexual and she wasn't dumb.

"Thanks, Cath." I gave her a tight hug, nodded at Nick then pulled the door open and walked through.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

As I entered Rick's cubicle, the first thing I noticed was the absence of half the room's equipment. The second thing I noticed was that Warrick's eyes were open, though he didn't seem to be focusing very well.

"Rick? It's me, Gil." I felt foolish announcing myself but I couldn't be sure just how much he was processing right now.

To my horror he startled and pulled away, his eyes going wide. "No more... over... I'm sorry... my fault..."

The tears in his eyes ripped at my heart. This was my doing. His fear. I did that to him. Oh God...

"Rick, no--"

"Destroyed us... don't hate me... always mess things up... love you..."

It took me two tries before my voice and brain were able to coordinate properly again. Blinking rapidly I grasped his hand in mine and squeezed gently.

"Rick... God, babe, I'm so sorry." He looked confused, and about to speak again but I had to get this out or we might never get another chance. "Shhhh, let me finish. I love you, too. And you were right about Sara. I should have seen it. I should have trusted you."

"Gil?" Finally he seemed more aware. "You're really here?"

"Yes, I am." I smiled, then brushed a soft kiss against his forehead. "Get some rest, love. We can talk more later."

"Hmmm." He squeezed my hand weakly. "Love you..."

He was asleep again, and I raised our joined hands to my lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of his hand.

Chapter 8

I said I'd wait for Gil and sent Nicky on his way. He looked more tired than I felt and I knew he hadn't been sleeping well. Guilt was tormenting him, making him think he should have been able to do something to prevent what happened to Warrick.

Warrick was an adult and as such he should have been capable of taking care of himself. Like that scratch, for instance. He knew something like that could fester, especially something like that on the torso, left untreated. So why had--?

But I knew the answer already. He and Gil had argued. More than once lately, unless I missed my signals. I didn't have to know what it was about to know both were taking it hard.

Matter of fact, if you had asked me the day before Rick's collapse I would have said they weren't even together any longer. Not that I was supposed to know they had been in the first place. But I know Gil Grissom. And the way he was acting it was clear that something had happened in his personal life.

When he called Sara into work instead of Warrick, I knew I'd been right. And I hated it. Gil and Rick had been good for each other. I hated to think that was over now.

Hopefully, there would be a second chance for them after this....

The ward door opened and Gil stepped out into the hallway. His face was still grey with exhaustion but his eyes looked clearer and his step a little lighter.

"How is he?" I asked.

"Sleeping peacefully," he answered, giving me that patented Gil Grissom half-smile.

"And you?"

He didn't pretend to misunderstand, for once. Scrubbing his hands over his face, he whispered, "I'm lucky, Cath. I think I may have a second chance."

If I hadn't known before just how deeply he loved Warrick, his tone of voice and expression would have been a dead giveaway now. I didn't ask how he knew I knew. We're old friends. There are just some things you don't need to tell old friends.

I nodded, genuinely happy for him. "That's good, Gil. But if we don't get some food in you, and pour you into your bed for a while I think you're going to be the one in the hospital soon."

He didn't even try to deny it, which surprised me. Maybe old dogs can change? I didn't let myself think on that too long otherwise I knew I'd get a headache. Or maybe that was from hunger.

"C'mon, let's head to Sammi's and get some food into you. God only knows the last time you ate something more than stale donuts and bad coffee." I casually hooked my arm through his, leading us both to the elevators.

Chapter 9

Sammi's Diner isn't much to look at from the outside but they have the best food in Vegas, short of a home-cooked meal. The steak was perfect, the vegetables were always fresh and the mashed potatoes were real, not instant.

"You can ask, y'know," I finally said to Catherine as we were eating our lunch. I normally don't get steak for lunch but as soon as we walked in my stomach reminded me of its recent neglect.

To her credit, Cath didn't try to feign surprise. Instead, she shrugged.

"I figured if you wanted me to know, you would have told me."

At this point in the conversation I was lost, even though I was the one who had begun it. I couldn't tell if she was referring to Warrick and I being lovers, or the source of our recent argument. Knowing her it was both.

When I didn't respond, she continued, "Your private life is just that, Gil. Private. As long as it works for you guys I'm happy for you both."

I toyed with my coffee cup. "But that's just it, Cath. Lately it hasn't been working. And up until just a couple of days ago I would have denied that I understood Rick's reasoning. Now...."

"What happened?" she queried. "Was it the Phelps case? I know Warrick was pretty messed up about his friend's daughter."

"That didn't help but it started earlier than that," I admitted. This was so personal, so painful. I didn't know if I could share it, not even with Catherine.

"Gil--" Apparently re-thinking what she had been about to say, Catherine huffed out a sigh. "Look, I've known you for a long time and I've seldom seen you as happy as you've been the last several months. I think you should do whatever takes to get back in Warrick's good graces again. He's good for you."

"Have we been that obvious?" I was horrified by the thought.

"No... no!" She shook her head to emphasize the answer. "Not unless you know what to look for. I've suspected for a long time that you might not be as straight as most women think."

I must have blushed because she giggled softly. After a moment, she said, "You know... you're as good for him as he is for you."

That almost made me do a spit-take. "How do you figure that?"

"Rick gets really serious sometimes. You have this almost innate ability to make him laugh. And his music. He never talked about it much before you guys got involved. Now he's been sharing bits of it. Like maybe he has a reason." She pinned with the patented Catherine Willows "do not disregard what I'm about to say" glare. "Don't argue with me, Gil. You know I'm right."

I had often wondered exactly what Rick got from our relationship. It was humbling to have Catherine spell it out in such detail.

"You know, if I had to take a guess, which apparently I do since you haven't answered my question--" She paused to give me an opportunity but I have to admit I was enjoying this. "I'd say the trouble between you and Warrick is a woman."

I flinched. I know I did. And she's too good an investigator for me to hope she didn't notice it. The best way to deflect Catherine Willows, well the only way, really, is to tell the truth.

"Very perceptive," I congratulated her. "But believe me, it's not what you're thinking."

"Oh?" She arched a perfect eyebrow at me. "And just what am I thinking, Gil?"

"First of all, neither one of us was having an affair. There was a woman who kept trying to get my attention. I didn't see it for what it was but Warrick did. He felt I didn't try hard enough to prove my disinterest." I sighed. "It caused a lot of tension in addition to what Warrick was dealing with at work."

"I hate to break the news, my friend, but the only person who didn't know that is you. I've tried to tell you on more than one occasion that you needed to let Sara know that you're not interested in her romantically. But would you listen?" She shook her head. "No, of course not! And now you're paying the price. And so is Warrick."

Catherine pointed her fork at me to emphasize her words. Sometimes I forget just how ruthless she can be. Even so, I wasn't prepared for what she said next.

"Do you love Warrick?"

This time I couldn't avoid a spit-take. Luckily it missed Catherine. As I cleaned up, I carefully considered my response.

"Yes, Catherine, I do," I finally said. "More than I ever thought it was possible to love someone."

Her eyes widened and I felt a small shock of pleasure at having surprised her. She smiled and nodded.

"Good answer," she approved. "I'm going to give you some advice, Gil. Do something about it. Find a way to show Rick how you really feel. And for God's sake, talk with Sara. For her sake as well as yours."

"I have. As you can probably imagine, it didn't go very well." I grimaced. "I'm hoping once Rick is stronger and there's time for things to settle down that I can try to talk to her again." I fought back a yawn.

Cat-eyes Catherine noticed anyway. "When was the last time you slept in your own bed?"

I waved a hand vaguely. "Probably the same time period since I ate a meal in my own kitchen."

"Okay, that does it." Catherine eased out of the booth and gestured for me to follow. I found I didn't have the energy to argue. That bothered me but not nearly as much as it should have. Hmmmm...

I didn't even bother asking where we were going. I didn't need to. Cath had slipped into mother-mode and only the very bravest interfered.

Not that I haven't done it on occasion but I was too tired right now. And my thoughts were elsewhere. Namely, back at the hospital with my lover.

Lover?

Was Warrick still my lover? After all, I'd thrown him out of my life a few days ago. Even though we both seemed to want to work it out, Rick was still very ill. When he was feeling better he might not be as charitable toward me.

It all made my head hurt and as I stood up the world tilted slightly around me. Luckily Catherine was right there and caught my arm, supporting me until I was able to get my bearings.

"C'mon, Griss... let's get you home," she whispered, helping me out to her car.

Chapter 10

I woke with a start, not sure where I was. I knew right away it wasn't my bedroom. And it wasn't Gil's either. As I moved my arm to throw off the covers, I felt something tug at my arm. Looking down I saw the IV needle and things became a little clearer. I'd gotten sick and ended up in Desert Palms.

A soft sound to my left caught my attention and I turned my head, blinking several times to clear my vision. My heart stuttered.

Gil Grissom was sleeping in the wooden armchair next to my bed. He had apparently been reading since his glasses were halfway down his nose and I could see a scientific journal held loosely in his lap.

What the hell was he doing here, I wondered. After all, he'd thrown me out of his house in no uncertain terms and had ignored me the one shift we'd worked together afterwards. Well, the shift I at least started. I had a feeling I didn't finish it.

I'd been in love before and had it go bad so I'm no stranger to the heartache. But somehow I forgot just how deep that ache could go. Damn. We hadn't been together that long really and yet I remember how lonely my own house felt. Even more so once I had packed away anything that had remotely reminded me of him.

The days after that were still a blur. I didn't answer the phone, I don't even think I got out of bed. Nothing mattered. I'd lost the most important thing in my life and I didn't care about anything else.

I know I showed up for my shift but I don't recall anything about it. Matter of fact, I don't remember anything much until I woke up here the first time. Gil had been at my side then, too. Not that I remember much of that, either.

What the hell did it mean? If it meant anything at all. Blinking again, I took a closer look. His clothes were rumpled, as if he'd slept in them. Even asleep he didn't look peaceful. His brow was furrowed in a frown and there were dark circles under his eyes. For me? I wished I knew.

A sound at the door caught my attention and I turned to look. A young nurse came in and I raised a finger to my lips then pointed at Grissom. She nodded and smiled before going through the routine of taking my vitals and checking the tubes and wires.

Keeping her voice low, she said, "It's about time he got some sleep. We were going to sedate him and give him the bed next to you soon."

"How long's he been here?" I wondered. "This time?" She checked her watch. "My shift started four hours ago and he was here before that."

"This time--?" Snatches of memory teased at me. Gil holding onto my hand. Telling me I'd been right about Sara. Telling me he loved me. More than once. He loved me.

"He's barely left your side, or the hospital for that matter." She smiled again. "He seems very devoted to you."

I nodded, but my mind was already drifting as my body begged for more sleep. I shut my eyes, unable to summon the energy to stay awake any longer. My last thought before sleep claimed me was that I wished I could hold Gil's hand right now.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

When I woke up again I was immediately aware of being watched. Even more importantly, someone was holding my hand.

Grissom.

I squeezed his hand, and he leaned forward, his expression intent. "It's good to see you awake finally."

His voice made me shiver. God, I loved when it took on that particular timbre. Soft and low and laced with something which made me shiver with wanting. It made me feel loved.

Loved? What the fuck was I thinking? I had no idea why he was really here. What if he was visiting just as my boss? What if I'd dreamt or even hallucinated that earlier visit? God knows I'd suffered enough fever-induced nightmares over the past few days.

I ignored what the nurse had said, knowing she had no idea of the true nature of Gil's relationship with me. What it had been, I mean. God, I'm so messed up right now.

"Warrick? You okay?" Frowning with concern, Gil stood up and gently sat on the edge of my bed, never losing contact with my hand the whole time.

My heart was pounding so hard right now I swear he had to hear it. Finally I managed a whispered, "Gil?"

"What is it, Rick?"

He reached out with his free hand, caressing my forehead and cheek. Checking for fever, probably.

I had to know. God, the answer might kill me but I had to know where we stood. Clearing my throat, I whispered, "Gil, why are you here?"

He didn't pretend to misunderstand and cleared his throat before answering, "Because you're here. And my place is with you, Rick."

"Gil--"

"That is, if you'll take me back. I know I hurt you--"

"Griss--"

"I'm no good at this relationship thing, Rick, but I want to learn, if you'll have--"

"Yes," I finally said, hoping to get his attention.

"I know there are things we still need to work out--"

I started laughing. I couldn't help it. He just looked so damned cute like this. I swallowed any further laughter, knowing he wouldn't understand. At least it got him to stop talking.

"Gil... Baby, I love you. And I'm just as guilty of causing hurt as you. I never wanted to quit us in the first place." Pulling him closer, I kissed him. His moan stirred my blood, but that's about all. No surprise there, I guess. Better just be a temporary thing, though.

When he drew back, he was smiling. One of those rare smiles that could light all of Vegas. It made me melt. But it couldn't stop the yawn that nearly cracked my jaw.

Gil leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Get some rest, love. We'll talk more about this later, okay? And when you get released from here we'll go away for a while. Take some time for just the two of us."

"Mmmmm, sounds great." At this point I would have agreed to anything, I was so tired. But the shifting of the bed got my attention. "Gil?"

"Shhh, go to sleep." He settled back into the chair and took my hand again. "I'll be right here when you wake up again."

I drifted off with ease, dreaming of a golden beach and warm water and Gil in nothing at all.

Chapter 11

"Hey, bro... you're lookin' a lot better than the last time I saw you." Nick grinned widely as he entered the room, holding a small paper bag in his left hand.

"Feelin' better, too," I answered. We shook hands and I nodded toward the bag. "That for me?"

"Strawberry smoothie. Only the best for my friend." He pulled it out and placed it on my tray, rolling it so it was in easy reach.

I took a sip and groaned in appreciation. God, that tasted good! I was getting damned tired of hospital food. Actually I was getting tired of this hospital, period. Nothing against the staff. It's just that I was off all the tubes and wires now. They were even letting me up to go to the bathroom on my own. So why the hell wasn't I getting out of here?

"So how's things going at the lab?" I asked. "Did you guys catch the perp on the case we were on when this happened?" I waved my hand, indicating the hospital bed.

Nick nodded. "Caught him two days later."

A thought occurred to me. "Damn, Nicky ... they said you went with me in the ambulance. Chain of custody for the evidence--"

"Was never broken," he assured. "Brass heard the call and got one of the swing shift guys to take over. By the time the EMT's were ready to transport I'd personally handed everything off to Gary Hawkes."

I blew out a relieved breath. If a case went sour and a murderer walked just because I took a nosedive I'd have a hard time getting past that.

The door opened and Doctor Fontaine walked in, smiling broadly. It made me instantly suspicious. A smiling doctor can be dangerous. You never know what they have up their sleeves. Usually things that ~hurt~.

"Hey, Doc," I greeted him cautiously.

"Well, you're looking much better today. Let's check you out." He took out his stethoscope and glanced at Nick.

"Uh, I'll just wait outside." Nick pointed to the door even as he walked toward it.

I almost snickered. My tough Texan partner had an almost phobic discomfort around doctors. One of these days I was going to get him to tell me why.

Once the door had closed, Doc Fontaine quickly ran through his examination. Once he'd finished, he hung his 'scope back around his neck and grinned at me again.

"Well, you had us worried for a while but you're bouncing back nicely," he finally said. Picking my chart off the bed where he'd placed it earlier, he entered some notes. "How would you like to go home tomorrow, Warrick?"

"You serious?" I gaped at him. "I'd love it!"

Fontaine actually had the balls to laugh. "Good, good. Tell your friends they can pick you up after ten tomorrow morning." His expression turned solemn. "There are some restrictions. You've been seriously ill and your body needs time to recuperate. You may be feeling fine now but you'll find yourself needing more rest than usual for probably the next couple of weeks."

"What kind of restrictions we talkin' about?" This didn't sound so good.

"I want you to get complete bed rest for at least the next three days. You'll be going home with antibiotics which you're to take until they're gone. I don't want you staying alone either. Bed rest means just that."

Ugh. I was already tired of being in bed. But at least it would be my own bed this time. With my own satellite reception television.

"What about work?"

Fontaine looked over my chart closely before answering. "I don't want you back to work for at least another seven days. And no field duty for another five beyond that. Follow up with your regular physician and he can clear you for full duty."

What the hell was I going to do with all that free time? A possibility struck me and I grinned. "Doc, what about sex?"

He didn't look surprised by the question as he shook his head. "No sexual intercourse for at least ten days." He held up a hand to cut off my protest. "You are out of serious danger, Warrick, but you're run down. Any kind of strenuous activity too soon is going to set back your recovery significantly. It could even trigger a relapse."

Damn. How in the hell was I going to get through the next two weeks? No work, no make-up sex... I tried to pull my mind back to concentrate on what the doc was saying.

"I'll check on you during morning rounds and leave discharge instructions at the desk." With a wave, the doc headed out the door.

Nick came back in a few seconds later. My expression must have looked pretty grim because he sat down on the bed, frowning with concern.

"Hey, bro... everything okay? What'd Fontaine say?"

"He's letting me out tomorrow."

Nick's jaw dropped in astonishment. "But that's great news! So why the long face?"

With anyone else I would have censored my response. But Nick's my best friend, he's a guy and I thought he'd understand.

"Bed rest for at least three days and no sex for ten. What the hell am I gonna do? Stuck in the fuckin' house for the next week. Shit."

"That's all? That's the reason you're upset?" His eyebrows hiked up nearly into his hairline and his face turned beet red. "I don't believe you, man."

"What?" I stared at him, surprised at the sudden change in attitude. "What the fuck, Nicky?"

He got up and started pacing the room, running a hand through his hair. Finally he stopped and looked at me. I don't think I've ever seen that expression on his face before. If I had to describe it I'd say it was half anger, a quarter fear and a quarter grief.

"Jesus, Rick... we thought you were gonna die, man! You damn near did! Fuck!" He began pacing again. "So let me tell ya, if you're trying to throw some sort of pity party for yourself because you're a little bored or horny? It won't work! Take a cold shower and consider yourself lucky 'cause it's a hell of a lot colder six feet under!"

A part of me was impressed at his tirade. Nick doesn't often let loose but when he does? A volcano ain't got nothin' on my partner.

But mostly I was humbled. I knew I'd been sick but I hadn't really thought about how sick. Doc Fontaine's restrictions made a whole lot more sense right now. Shit.

"Nick, I'm sorry. Man... I'm sorry. I-I didn't know, okay?"

He'd stopped pacing and was now staring out the window. I could almost see the tension radiating from him.

"Dammit, Rick, I thought you were tryin' to die," he rasped.

"What? Where did that come from?"

"That night... when we were on the way to the crime scene you told me Gil had called it quits between you. I know how much you love him. I could see you were hurting." He shrugged. "You wouldn't be the first person who couldn't see a way past that."

"I wasn't trying to die." He didn't react, didn't move from the window. "Nicky, please. Look at me, bro."

It took several moments but he finally did turn and I sucked in a sharp breath. There were tear tracks down his face. God.

"I swear to you, I wouldn't do that. I didn't know I was that sick until that night. You're right, I was hurting over the situation with Griss. I screwed up bad with him and it was killing me. All I could think about was trying to find some way to make it right. But I promise you I was not thinking about trying to die, got it?"

"Yeah."

The relief in his voice was so strong it nearly broke my heart. Seems I'd hurt my best friend almost as badly as I'd hurt my lover. Damn, I was just batting a thousand here.

"Nick--" Words weren't going to do it. "C'mere."

I spread my arms in invitation and he didn't hesitate. We've never been shy about hugging and I'm really glad for that right now. He needed the reassurance and I-- Damn, I needed to know my friend was going to be okay.

And suddenly I realized just how weak I still was. I couldn't hold on to the hug. I just didn't have the strength. Shit. This was what Doc Fontaine had meant. It didn't even feel like it was my body anymore.

Nick pulled back, then frowned with concern. "You're beat, man. You need to get some rest. And no argument. After all, if the doc sees you lookin' like this there's no way he'll let you out tomorrow. And he may even extend your restrictions."

I know my expression had to be horrified because the bastard actually laughed. Lucky for him I was too damned tired at the moment to do anything but close my eyes.

Before I dropped off to sleep I felt a hand grasp mine and I knew my brother was watching out for me again. I was a lucky man and I knew it.

Chapter 12

I knocked lightly on the door and walked in. It took all my self-control not to gape in astonishment at the sight of Warrick, fully clothed, sitting in the chair by the window.

Upon seeing me he smiled. God, I haven't seen that smile in ... too long. He looked almost like the old Rick.

I couldn't help grinning back. "You're in a good mood."

"Damned straight! They're springin' me from here today!"

My heart finally understood the phrase "singing with joy". Warrick was on the mend; he was being released.

"That's great news!"

"There's just one hitch." He looked hesitant and that surprised me. Taking a deep breath, he continued, "Doc says I can't be on my own just yet. I have to stay with someone for a few days."

I nodded and swallowed anxiously. "Sounds reasonable. Do you have anyone lined up yet?" God I hoped my voice sounded casual.

He looked at me with a frown.

"Maybe I'm assuming, but I just figured you'd be lookin' after me," he finally said, his expression carefully schooled to give nothing away.

I know that look. He uses it when he doesn't want anyone to see how hurt he is. I sighed in frustration. We had to find a way to communicate better or we were never going to make this relationship work.

"You assumed right. It's just that--" I sighed heavily, shaking my head in frustration. Walking over to the chair, I knelt in front of him, grasping his hand and squeezing lightly.

"Gil, you gotta stop beating yourself up, man," he admonished, cupping my face and brushing a thumb over my cheekbone. "What happened ... it's in the past now. We gotta find a way to move on together."

Somehow he understood my frustration, the feelings I couldn't put into words. That shouldn't have surprised me. Warrick Brown is a deeply sensitive, intuitive man. He'd have to be, to balance me out.

"Together," I murmured, loving the sound of it. Raising our joined hands, I kissed the back of his.

He leaned down, brushing a soft kiss over my lips. I groaned, opening my mouth to deepen the contact. He obliged me happily for several long moments, then drew back, panting slightly.

"Damn," he said, shaking his head slightly. "Guess Doc Fontaine really had it right."

"About what?" Fear of the unknown surged through me.

"There's one other hitch about me being released." He looked apologetic. "No sex for at least ten days yet."

I wanted to laugh with relief but I knew it was seriously bothering him. I nodded, then said, "I expected as much. There's no rush, Warrick. There are safe ways to achieve intimacy without intercourse."

His eyes glazed over and I couldn't help smirking just a little bit. I take satisfaction in the knowledge that I can do this to him with words.

"God, Gil... take me home, please, babe?" he whispered.

"I will. Just as soon as we can get the paperwork," I assured.

That took another forty-five minutes during which Rick dozed in the chair. Part of me knew this was normal for someone as ill as he had been but I couldn't help worrying over it. Enough so that I mentioned my concerns to Doctor Fontaine.

Rather than risk waking Warrick we stepped out into the hallway.

"He's going to be fine, Mr. Grissom. It's going to take some time, perhaps up to a month before he really feels one hundred percent again but he'll notice improvement long before then." Doctor Fontaine cleared his throat. "I, uh, assume he's told you about all of the restrictions?"

I nodded. Fontaine and I had played 'don't ask, don't tell' throughout Warrick's stay but now I had nothing to lose. And I had important questions that needed to be answered. As much as I wanted Warrick in any way I could have him I wasn't about to jeopardize his fragile state of health.

"I understand that intercourse is off limits. But there are other methods--" Damn, so much for keeping my cool. I just hoped I wasn't as bright red as I felt. I had enough trouble discussing sex with Warrick, let alone this man who was basically a stranger.

"No intercourse. No orgasm. Kissing and touching are okay, but you can't get him too worked up. He's not strong enough and won't be for awhile."

"I understand." And I did. My mind fed me memories of Rick hooked up to various wires and tubes and I fought down a shudder. If I never saw that again it would be too soon.

"Take care, Mr. Grissom. To both of you." With a final nod, Fontaine walked away.

Final Chapter

The view of the sunrise from our hotel balcony had been spectacular. I was sorry Gil missed it but he'd been so deeply asleep I didn't have the heart to wake him. Besides, I have to admit it was nice to have a little time all to myself.

Don't get me wrong, okay? I love Gil and I love how he's taken care of me these past two weeks but some times a guy just needs a little time to himself, y'know? Gil would understand, but I think he'd also be a bit hurt. And that's the last thing in the world that I want to do right now. Things have been so damned good between us lately.

When I was released from the hospital he thought heading to my place would be better. And though that's what I originally wanted I realized it would be a bad idea. Remember, I'd packed up his presence in my house. It was sterile and empty and .... I just didn't want to be there right now. I needed to be with Gil, and I had always found a particular comfort in his condo.

He looked surprised but didn't argue. As soon as we set foot in his house the familiarity wrapped around me and I closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying it. As I looked around I could see he hadn't moved any of my stuff. Or if he had, he'd taken time to put it back. Somehow I got the feeling he'd left things as they were. The thought made my heart ache.

I looked in through the open sliding door to where my lover still slept. Some time during my absence he had snagged my pillow, pulling it close and hugging it tight. Wish he'd hug me like that.

These days he limits himself to quick kisses and light affectionate touches. Nothing that he thinks could over stimulate me. He has no idea though. Holding back is just making me anticipate what it will be like when I can finally get him to realize I'm not made of fine china. Hope these beds are sturdy and the walls thick enough, otherwise the folks in the room next door are gonna get a hell of an education.

I remembered the one time I'd managed to bring Gil off since coming home. I'd been spooned behind him in his king-sized bed and I knew he would be waking soon. Running my hand over his hip and down his thigh, I trailed my fingers upward until I encountered his morning erection. I'd played with it gently, reacquainting myself with the feel of it. Gil's moan had driven me on and I continued until he was shooting jets of semen over my hand and the sheets.

We'd shared several hot, long kisses until I was breathless and panting for air. And suddenly Gil backed away like he'd been scalded, and I hadn't been able to get him to do more than give me a gentle kiss since. Damn him.

Nothing I said would get him to change his mind, either. If I made any kind of romantic overture, he got up and walked away, even going so far as to sleep on the pull-out in the living room one night. Thank God I knew why he was holding back, otherwise my ego might have been dented.

That's when I realized just how scared he was of losing me. Hell, I'd waited for years to have him the first time. I could wait a couple weeks until I was more fully recovered.

I closed my eyes, inhaling slowly and deeply. I loved the fresh air out here around Lake Mead. So different from the air in the city, even though we really weren't that far from Vegas.

As I exhaled, I concentrated on my body. I felt good. Better than I'd felt in weeks. Since before this whole mess started. I'd been out of the hospital for two weeks now, which was four days past Doc Fontaine's "no sex" restriction.

My dick took notice and stirred, and I couldn't help grinning. That was definitely my notice that I was back to normal. I had to admit that I hadn't been all that interested in sex until just the past couple days. Much as I still hated to admit it the doc knew what he was talking about. Pleasuring Gil had been about him, not me.

But now I was more than ready for some hot Gil lovin'. Make-up sex, with a vengeance.

Grinning, I stood up and headed back into the room, closing the door behind me as quietly as possible. I didn't want to broadcast our activities any more than necessary. I wasn't normally a screamer but I wasn't exactly quiet either.

Heading into the large bathroom, I got my kit and took out the lube and condoms I'd made sure to pack. I knew how I wanted us to make love and I knew Gil wouldn't be able to object as long as I could really get him going. When he woke up and saw me... I shivered in anticipation.

Climbing carefully onto the bed, I kneel facing my sleeping lover. Heh. Lucky for me he's already facing my direction. Man, is he in for an awakening. Uncapping the lube, I squeeze out a generous amount.

It feels so good, touching myself, that I can't help moaning. It's been too long. God, how the fuck am I going to last long enough for Gil to wake up? Rate I'm going, I'll be on Round Two before his eyes ever open.

I add another finger, scissoring them to stretch the muscle. God, it feels so damned good. I close my eyes, wishing it was Gil stretching me instead. Patience, I advise myself.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*

At first I couldn't tell what had woken me. Then I heard the sound again and my eyes flew open in a panic, my heart pounding. Warrick! Why was he moaning? Was he sick? Oh God--

Fully awake now, I sat up and my brain struggled to comprehend what I was seeing. My lover knelt in front of me, eyes closed. It took me only a matter of seconds to realize what he was doing. Just long enough for my dick to take note and become achingly hard.

"Warrick--" I rasped.

He startled then froze, his eyes slowly opening. The raw need and desire I saw there took my breath away. The doctor had said ten days. We were well past that, and Warrick was fine. More than fine, actually. The extra sleep, sun, and fresh air had done wonders for him and he looked better than he had in too long. I wanted him; he obviously wanted me, and there was no reason for us not to make love this morning.

Moving quickly so he couldn't anticipate me, I leaned over and took his hard cock into my mouth.

"Fuck! Oh damn, Gil--" One hand tangled in my hair, not pressing, though. He let me set the pace.

I sucked and licked his length like it was the first meal I'd had in days. In a way I supposed that was true. It had been weeks since we'd been together like this.

"That's it," he whispered hoarsely. "Yeah, do it, lover. Suck me. Take it all--"

Inspiration hit and I reached a hand around him. He'd removed his fingers, using that hand now to balance on the bed, leaving the field clear for me. Still sucking hard on my prize, I inserted two fingers into his anus and nearly came when he shouted his release.

Backing off, I studied him carefully. He was breathing harshly but no more so than after any of our lovemaking sessions. God, he looked so sexy like this.

Shifting position, I slipped my arms around him and kissed him. He moaned, his tongue sweeping my mouth. Without really knowing how it happened I ended up on my back. Well, that worked perfectly for what I had in mind.

He stretched out on top of me and it felt so good. We shared several lazy kisses and then he moved slightly to the side, his hand trailing downward towards my groin. I grasped his wrist, bringing it up to my mouth and kissing his palm.

"Gil? Don't you want me to--"

"Shhh," I hushed him, pulling him close for a deep kiss. I hated the sudden note of insecurity in his voice. Hated knowing that I had done that to him. I trailed kisses over his cheek until I reached his ear. Laving it with my tongue, I blew a soft gust of air over it, delighting in the shiver it produced. "I want you more than ever, Rick. I just-- I want this to be special."

He pulled back to look at me, his eyes bright with emotion. "Any time we make love is special, babe." Leaning closer, he whispered. "Tell me what you want."

The desired-roughened voice made me shiver and I rasped, "Ride me."

He swallowed hard then nodded.

I heard the rip of a packet and then he was rolling the latex sheath over my erection. I was hard and ready and his touch was almost more pain than pleasure.

We'd been lovers long enough that he knew not to tease when I was this close. He leaned forward, brushing a soft kiss against my lips. Smiling gently, he whispered, "Get ready for the ride of your life, Cowboy."

Lightly grasping my dick, he lowered himself inch by inch until he'd taken me in completely. I struggled to remain still, letting his body adjust. After several long moments he clenched tight around me and I groaned at the sweet pressure.

Needing more contact with him, I ran my hands along his thighs, carefully avoiding his rekindling erection. I didn't want to stimulate him too soon.

He kept the pace light and easy at first, teasing me as he lifted almost clear of me then took me in completely again. My hips arched to meet his demands, my hands moving ever closer to his groin.

"Touch me, Gil," he begged, his rhythm becoming more unsteady. "Please touch me."

That was all the encouragement I needed and I took his now rock-hard dick in hand, sliding my fingers along the length of it, then running a finger along the sensitive underside.

He groaned, riding me harder and harder. Knowing how close we both were I rubbed my thumb over the tip of his cock, then repeated the motion. I wanted to urge him on verbally but I've never been comfortable with such talk.

"Oh shit, Gil," he groaned. "Close. So damned close!"

I swallowed hard, knowing how powerful an aphrodisiac words were to him. For him, I could at least try.

"Come for me, Rick. You're so beautiful like this. I need to see you come." I continued jerking him off while I spoke.

His eyes opened wide, and with a shout of triumph he climaxed, muscles spasming rhythmically around my shaft.

"God!" It was enough to send me right over the edge behind him, and I slammed upwards sharply before releasing my own load.

I was exhausted, wanting to slip back into sleep but I forced myself to stay awake, watching as Rick eased himself off of me and removed the condom. He tied it off and climbed out of bed, depositing it in the bathroom.

He returned a minute later with a warm washcloth and proceeded to wipe me clean. Murmuring my thanks, I took it and returned the favor before dropping it onto the floor.

I opened my arms and he crawled into my embrace without hesitation. I thought I'd been in love in the past but I realized they were just a prelude to the real thing. What Warrick and I shared was so powerful that I didn't think I could live without him in my life any longer.

"Shit, Gil...I think you hollowed me out down to my toes," he cracked, his fingers tracing lazy circles over my chest and abdomen.

I kissed his head, keeping him within the protective circle of my arms. "I love you, Rick. More than I ever thought possible. I'm sorry I ever gave you reason to doubt that."

He looked up at me with a frown. "Thought we'd settled that issue. That's behind us now."

Nick's words about this man's incredible capacity to forgive echoed in my mind.

"Maybe so, but I need you to know this, Warrick. I love you with all my heart and soul." I smiled gently. "You complete me in ways I never knew were unfinished. If it was legal, I'd ask you to marry me."

His eyes widened and a smile lit his face. Leaning forward, he kissed me. It was wet and sloppy and perfect.

"Ask me," he whispered.

"Warrick--"

He shrugged. "So we'll just be engaged until the next President. What's the rush?"

I had to admit he had a point. Some day we would have the freedom to marry legally. Probably when a woman took the Oval Office.

"Warrick Adam Brown, will you marry me?"

The kiss this time was achingly tender.

"Yes," he whispered. "I will."

~ FIN ~

• Main CSI page
• The new stories
• Gil/Greg stories
• Gil/Nick stories
• Gil/Warrick stories
• Nick/Greg stories
• Nick/Warrick stories
• Greg/Warrick stories
• Nick/Bobby stories
• Jim Brass stories
• David Hodges stories
• CSI: New York stories
• CSI: Miami stories
• Other pairings & threesomes
• Gen CSI stories