Title: Thoughtless Dreaming
By: ButterfliesForHer
Pairing: Cath/Sara
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters; don't sue me as I have nothing to give.
Spoilers: None
Summary: They both want each other, but can Sara work through her issues? What else can get in the way of their relationship? Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

***

Chapter One - Sara's POV

I awake to the ringing of my cell phone and a hangover.

Last night we'd worked a pretty tough case, involving the death of a child. By the end of the shift, I was so sickened by it all; overtime hadn't even crossed my mind. I clocked out on time for once, and sought solace at the bottom of a bottle. Or eight bottles if I remember correctly.

My cell phone continues to ring, and with a groan I roll over and pick it up.

"Sidle."

Hell, my voice sounds croaky.

"Sara? It's Grissom."

"I gathered that."

I know I'm coming across as irritable, but I just don't have the patience to deal with him right now. He sighs, clearly picking up on my tone of voice, then continues.

"I know tonight is your night off, but as you clocked out on time at the end of last shift, I was wondering if you want to work tonight? We're short because Catherine's called in sick, so I was hoping-"

"No."

I cut him off. Normally I'd jump at the chance of extra work, but not tonight. I still feel too worked up about the current case, I'm hung over and just not in the mood to be around people.

"No?"

He sounds surprised.

"No. I'm sorry Grissom, but I'm not feeling up to it."

Before he can say anything else, I cut the call off. Ok, there's another reason I didn't want to go in tonight. If anyone else had called in sick, I may have considered going in, but as Catherine isn't going to be there, it just doesn't seem worth it.

I don't know what it about that woman. She aggravates me to the point where I could strangle her, but she also intrigues me. And, on top of that, she's stunning.

I lose myself in thoughts of Catherine for a few minutes, before dragging myself out of bed to make coffee.

I settle on the couch, my mind still on Catherine.

I don't know when I developed such a crush on her. I think the attraction was always there, from the moment I met her, but my crush on Grissom overruled it and it wasn't until Grissom turned me down that my thoughts turned to Catherine again. Not that anything would ever happen between me and her. For a start, she hates me. Well, maybe not hates me, but she definitely doesn't like me. There's also the fact that she's straight.

I don't know why she dislikes me so much. I suppose she felt threatened by me when I first joined the team, she was the only women before I came along and I guess she thought I was trying to replace her. I thought maybe she'd get over it with time, but she's never liked me.

I roll my eyes. I should be enjoying my night off, not sat around moping. Although I didn't want to be around people, I think I'll go out, hit the bars, have fun.

Take my mind off Catherine.

***

Chapter Two – Sara's POV

I don't know why I don't go out more often. It could be down to the fuck-knows-how-many beers I've had, and the vodka shots, but regardless, I'm having fun. Admittedly at first I didn't enjoy it at all, the music seemed too loud and I kept getting hit on by loads of different guys, but after a while and a few beers, I relaxed and began to enjoy the attention. Guys have been lining up to buy me drinks all night, I've barely paid for any myself, and all they ask for in payment is a dance. Sometimes it's more of a grope than a dance, but never mind. It's nice to be around people who are interested in me.

I take another swig of my beer, and then get up to dance again. Well, I try to get up, but stumble. I'm not sure how much I've drunk, except that it's a lot. Who cares? I'm having fun.

I start dancing, alone, but not for long. One of the guys from earlier puts his hands on my hips and pulls me closer.

"Can I buy you another drink?"

His hands are all over me, and his breath stinks of beer, but I'm sure mine does too, so I smile, nod, and allow him to lead me over to the bar.

One drink turns into three, but then he asks for more than a dance as payment so I lose myself in the crowd of dancers. I stumble and my head starts to spin, so I move to the back of the club where it's darker and quieter. I collapse on a couch, fighting the nausea, then someone crouches down in front of me.

"Are you alright?"

Good. A woman. Already I'm sick of the sight of men. I try to lift my head up to reply, but bile rises in my throat so I give up.

"Shall I call you a cab?"

I nod, unable to do anything else. I manage to lift my head up and open my eyes so I can study her. She's blonde, slender, and slightly shorter than me. She has a strong but pretty face, and she looks remarkably like….well like Catherine. I almost wish it was Catherine, but then realise I'd hate Catherine to see me in this state. She'd probably laugh at me. The woman ends the call and turns to face me. She smiles slightly.

"Lets get you outside then."

I mumble thanks, wrap my arm round her shoulder, and allow her to guide me through the crowds of people to the entrance of the club. The cold air hits me and I fight another wave of nausea. I can't remember the last time I was this drunk, but I feel like a stupid teenager who can't handle her drink.

I expected her to leave me once we got outside, but she stays and waits for the cab with me. I manage to hold my head up long enough to catch her eye.

She smiles and I smile back. Holding my head up makes the world start to spin again and I almost fall, but she catches me, hugging me to her.

"I never did catch your name," I mumble into her shoulder.

She laughs.

"That's because you never asked."

I slip again, and fall into a heap on the sidewalk.

"No, come on, you have to get up. Please Sara, get up."

I laugh, still not moving.

"I'll get up if you tell me your name."

"Ok, deal. My names Nancy."

I try to stand up, and my legs buckle, so Nancy grabs both my arms and hauls me up. Standing up brings back the nausea and I go to sit down again, but Nancy grabs me.

"Sara, please, you need to stay standing."

Something cut through the fog in my brain.

"H-hold on. I didn't tell you my name. How do you know my name?"

She laughs.

"Maybe I should have introduced myself earlier. I'm Nancy, Catherine's younger sister. We met a couple of times when I dropped Lindsey off at the lab."

I nod, her resemblance to Catherine suddenly making sense. She's about to say something else, but then a cab pulls up, and she pushes me towards it.

"Take care of yourself, ok Sara?"

God, she even sounds like Catherine.

"Th-thanks," I reply, before falling into the back of the cab.

I give the driver my address, having to repeat it three times because I keep slurring my words. He smiles then drives, and we pull up outside my apartment ten minutes later. As I reach into my purse to pay, I spot my cell phone and an idea forms in my mind. I'll show Catherine…I shove some money into the drivers hand, then stagger off to my apartment building.

Somehow, I make it upstairs and into my apartment safely, then I collapse on the couch and dial Catherine's number on my cell. It's late, very late, but who cares? She doesn't pick up but her answer machine does so I leave her a message. I feel pleased with myself for about five seconds, and then I start feeling sick again so I drag myself out to the bathroom.

Catherine's POV

I smile as I get up, after having what feels like the best night's sleep ever. I feel a lot better than yesterday. I can't remember the last time I took a night off I sit down to have breakfast with Linds and we talk all the way through. I can tell she appreciates how awake I am. Often, when I get home from work, I'm too tired to even speak, let alone eat breakfast, so this is a rare treat for her. I'm tempted to call her school and tell them she's sick, just so we can spend the day together, but I know better. Lindsey's education is important.

I drive her to school, talking all the way. I'd like to kiss her goodbye, but I don't want to embarrass her, I know she feels she's too old for it.

"Bye sweetie, I'll pick you up later," I tell her as she gets out the car.

"Bye mom!" She calls, before running off to join her friends.

I turn the radio up as I drive home, humming along with it. When I get in I see the answer machine light blinking, indicating a message. I assume someone called while I was dropping Lindsey off, but when I hit play, the machine tells me the message was left at 3am last night.

"Catherine, its Sa-Sara. I just…wanted you to know that I…I don't want you anymore. There. So there."

I play the message again, feeling a mixture of confusion, amusement, irritation and concern.

Sara didn't want me? When did Sara want me? She had definitely been drunk when she'd left the message, in fact she'd sounded very very drunk? What if Sara hadn't got home alright? What if she had crashed her car and…..I'm pulled out of my thoughts by the shrill sound of the phone ringing.

I grab it.

"Sara?"

The person on the end of the phone chuckles.

"I guess I'm not the only one concerned about her."

"Oh, hey Nance. Hold on, what do you mean by not being the only one concerned about Sara?"

Nancy laughs again, but now I can also hear concern in her voice.

"You know I went out to that new club last night? Sara was there too. I saw her a few times but by the time I actually got round to talking to her, she was in a bit of a state, she could barely stand up, talk, you know. Anyway, I put her into a cab, but then realised I hadn't got her number so I could call to make sure she was ok. That was why I called you, because I knew you'd have her number."

"Ah."

"And why are you concerned about Sara?"

"Because Sara phoned last night after I'd gone to bed. She sounded drunk."

"No surprise there. Anyway, I'd talk for longer, but I need to get to work. And you need to call Sara. Bye Cath."

She'd hung up before I had had the chance to protest. Wasting no time, I dial Sara's number.

It rings for a while but finally she picks up

"Sidle?" She sounds tired and annoyed.

"Hey, it's Catherine. I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"Yeah you did. Not trying to be rude, but why are you calling?"

I breathe deeply for a few moments. I don't want to embarrass Sara, but I know it's pretty much unavoidable. I take another deep breath.

"Um, Sara, you called me last night."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for what seemed like ages, then Sara sighs.

"I did?" She responds.

"You did," I confirm. "I was asleep so you left a message."

"What did I say?"

God. I know how embarrassing this must be for Sara already, and now I'm about to make it even worse. I could lie, but…no, I need to clear this up.

"Uh, you said um…you said that you didn't want me anymore," I can't stop myself as I continue "but that insinuates at one point you did want me. When did you want me Sara?"

There's a sharp intake of breath, then a click as Sara hangs up the phone.

"Fuck," I growl, then put the phone down, feeling more confused than I did before I phoned her.

***

Chapter Three – Sara's POV

I hang up the phone and collapse back against the sofa, burying my head in my hands.

"You said that you didn't want me anymore. But that insinuates at one point you did want me. When did you want me Sara?"

I replay her words in my mind over and over again. She didn't sound angry, but she didn't sound thrilled either. But then again, that message probably made her think that I don't want her. And I do want her. I'm never drinking again. It's all coming back to me. Nancy, collapsing outside, the cab ride home, the phone call….Oh god, I bet Nancy phoned Catherine. I bet they think I'm an alcoholic. And I expect Catherine thinks I was stalking her or something.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

How the hell can I face her after this? I bet she's going to tell the guys and they'll all have a good laugh at me. Grissom will look disappointed. After my DUI, I'm not even supposed to have alcohol in the house.

But I love my job. I'll have to go in and face everyone. I've dealt with much worse than this before. Yes, it's embarrassing, but it could be worse. A three mile run, then a cold shower. After that, I should be ready to face work.

I arrive at the lab with ten minutes to spare. Despite how drunk I was last night, I don't look or even feel hungover anymore. That makes me feel a little better. I enter the breakroom and pour myself a cup of coffee. Nick and Warrick are already in there, playing on the play station.

As I enter, Nick puts down his control, comes over and gives me a brotherly hug. If he knows about last night, he's not acting any different, and I respond by hugging him back tightly, letting relief flood through me. As I untangle myself from Nick's arms, Warrick gives me a friendly smile.

"Hey girl, how are you? Did you have a good night off?"

Well, if he knows, he's definitely doing a good job at not showing it.

"Yeah, how are you?" Nick chimes in, "I know you turned down over time last night, what could possibly pull you away from work?"

Inwardly I cringe but outwardly I just smirk at them both.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

Before either of them can respond, Greg bounces into the room.

"Well I know she wasn't out on a date, because any dates she could possibly be going out on would be with me."

I throw a friendly punch at him.

"In your dreams Greggo."

I'm feeling better and better. I'm pretty sure no one knows about anything that happened last night.

My stomach twists into a tight knot when I think of Catherine's arrival, so I try not to. I settle down on the couch with my coffee and mess about with the guys until Grissom arrives. There's still no sign of Catherine.

Grissom looks around, obviously noticing Catherine's absence, but he doesn't seem too bothered.

"Warrick, Sara and Greg, you've got a hit and run on the strip. Nick, you're with me tonight, we've got a body dump in the desert. If you-"

He's cut off by Catherine rushing into the room. My stomach jolts and I unconsciously clench my fists.

"Grissom, I'm sorry I'm late, I was-"

He holds up his hand.

"It doesn't matter Catherine, here. You've got a B&E over in Henderson."

With that, he leaves the room, Nick close behind him. Warrick, Greg and I get up to leave and I chance a look at Catherine. Her blue eyes lock with mine for a moment, then I blush and turn away.

"Greg, Warrick, I need a word with Sara in private for a minute. You don't mind do you?"

They both shake their heads, but Greg mouths 'Good luck' at me. Then they leave the room. Fuck. I can't talk to her about this. Not now.

She closes the distance between us and I realise I've sat down on the couch again. She's sat down next to me, close enough for me to smell her shampoo. Strawberry I think. Whatever it is, it smells heavenly. How am I supposed to focus with her sat this close to me? My brain feels like it's turning to mush. She's waiting for me to say something so I clear my throat.

"Catherine, I'm really sorry about that message I left you. I swear it won't happen again."

Good Sidle, good. You actually said something that made sense.

"It's not you leaving a drunken message on my answer machine that bothers me, Sara, it's what you said in the message."

Busted. Think, Sara, think!

"Uh, Catherine, I really need to go. Greg and Warrick are waiting for me."

With that, I stand up to leave, but Catherine grabs my hand. I can't help but meet her gaze again. There's no anger in her eyes, only curiosity and something else. I'm pretty sure I'm imagining it, and I suddenly realise how long I've been staring at her, so I pull away.

I'm just about to leave the breakroom when she speaks again.

"We are going to talk about this Sara, whether you like it or not."

I think she's going to say something else, but I leave and get out of earshot before she has the chance to. Greg and Warrick are waiting in the SUV and I join them, climbing into the back. Greg raises his eyebrows and Warrick gives me a questioning looks. I roll my eyes and pretend it's nothing.

"Don't worry guys; she just wanted to talk about a case we were both on a while back."

I'm not sure Greg is satisfied with that answer, but who cares? I just want to get to the scene and forget about it completely. Which is stupid, because how could I forget about Catherine. The way her top is just a little tight around the curve of her breasts, the way she smells, the way she does her hair…she's just perfect. I sigh and lean my head against the cool glass of the window. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Catherine's POV

I'm sat in my office back at the lab. The B & E was staged, the guy wanted to claim insurance. Unfortunately for him he didn't stage it very well. I found the 'stolen' goods in the attic. What an idiot. I had the case closed within two hours and ended up back here, attempting to do paperwork. But my thoughts are elsewhere.

She looked like a caged animal. She couldn't wait to get away from me. I sigh, then shake my head, surprised at myself. It's Sara, why I am I at all bothered that she wanted to get away from me? Oh yeah, because it's Sara. We've been getting on better recently; I've made an effort not to lose my temper with her. When she first joined our team, I tried so hard to dislike her. I felt like she was invading my territory. But from the moment I met her I couldn't help but like her. Outwardly, I was quite bitchy, I had to keep up face, but inside I was shocked at how quickly I warmed to her. And I was also shocked at the direction my thoughts started to take when I was around her. Whenever she bent over, I'd find myself checking out her ass, if she was wearing a low-cut shirt, I'd find it difficult not to stare at her cleavage. But in my mind, dating Sara has always been out of the question – one because she's a co-worker, and two because she's straight. Besides, just because she's easy on the eye doesn't mean I want to date her.

Hell, who am I kidding? I've wanted her since I met her. I'm so in denial about it – it's taken me this long to admit it. But now I'm more confused than ever.

Sara saying she didn't want me anymore meant that she has wanted me at some point. How could I not notice? I've watched that woman so closely, how could I have missed her taking an interest in me? But that message hurt me as well as confused me. She said she didn't want me anymore. So even if she did want me, she doesn't now. I had my chance and I lost it.

I shake my head. Even if she doesn't want me, we still have to talk. I was going to ask her out for breakfast earlier, but she walked away too fast. I'll talk to her in the locker room at the end of shift.

"Catherine?" Gil puts his head round my office door. "You got that report?"

Shit, what report? I smile brightly at him.

"Of course, I'll bring it to you in a minute."

I go to the locker room at the end of shift to freshen up, and say a silent prayer of thanks to Nancy, as she's taking Lindsey to school for me this morning. That way, I'm free to go to breakfast with Sara. I don't care if she doesn't want to go, she owes me an explanation. Talk of the devil.

Sara walks into the room and by the time she notices my presence, she's already opened her locker. I lock gazes with her and smile. She half smiles back at me, then turns back to her locker. Wanting her attention, I cross the room and put my hand on her shoulder. She's shaking. Suddenly, I feel guilty and empowered, all at once. Have I, Catherine Willows, caused Sara Sidle to react like this? She's still got her back to me, so I put pressure on her shoulder and turn her round to face me, our faces are inches apart. Our eyes meet, and without warning she leans down and kisses me. It's a very chaste kiss, and it ends so quickly, I don't have time to react. But I'm so shocked, I'm not sure I would have reacted straight away anyway. She kissed me. Sara kissed me. Oh god, Sara. She looks shocked too, in fact she looks horrified.

"Catherine, I-I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry, I-"

"I thought you didn't want me?" God, that wasn't supposed to sound sarcastic, but Sara seems to think it was. Her eyes sparkle and her temper flares.

"You're right in thinking that. I don't want you. Glad we got that one cleared up."

With that, she storms out of the room.

***

Chapter Four – Sara's POV

I kissed her.

Why the fuck did I kiss her?

She must think I'm going mad after my behaviour over the past couple of days. First, I hung up on her when she called me, then I practically ran away from her when we were in the breakroom, and just then I kissed her, then I ran away. I think I'm going mad. What the hell is wrong with me?

Shit, someone's tapping on the window.

Why oh why didn't I drive away from the lab before I started having a mental breakdown?

I turn and meet Catherine's eyes. The blonde is standing just outside the passenger door, and my heart breaks when I see her expression. She looks so hurt. Then she opens the door and climbs into the car. Oddly enough, I'm reminded of the day I found out Hank was cheating on me. Catherine waited in the car for me outside the lab, then she took me out for a drink. I look at her and smile and the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"You want a beer?"

The exact same words she said to me all those months ago.

She turns to face me, and to my delight, she's smiling, even if it's just a little bit.

Then she says the one word I was hoping she'd say, showing she understands.

"Drive."

I drive us to the same bar we went to that day, find us a table in the corner, and order us a beer each. She clears her throat. She hasn't spoken a word, other than when she told me to drive, and I begin to feel nervous again.

"What I said in the locker room about you not wanting me, I'm sorry. It wasn't supposed to sound so sarcastic. And I'm sorry I've made you feel trapped in any way today. I was a bit forward, I know, I guess I just wanted answers…"

She trails off into silence again, then takes another swig of her beer.

"And I'm sorry for behaving like such a nut job over the past few days. That message I left you, I was just drunk, it, I, um-"

"Its ok Sara. You were drunk. Everyone does it at some point or another."

She then starts talking about her case from last night, some staged B & E. We make small talk until we finish our beers. I go and pay, then offer to drive her back to the lab so she can get her car. She shakes her head.

"Don't bother, could you just drive me home? I'll get one of the guys to pick me up tomorrow."

"I'll do it," I offer without thinking.

"Alright then." She smiles and gets into the car.

Although nothing has actually been said about what's going on between us, I can sense quite a bit of tension. Except, it doesn't feel like a bad thing. As I stop at a red light, I glance at Catherine and I'm shocked at her expression. She smirks at me and the look in her eyes is almost predatory. I really can't figure her out. One minute she's unsure, the next she's confident…she's so confusing.

Catherine's POV

I smile. She's so cute when she's confused.

When I got into the car, I had no idea what to do or say. I didn't want to kiss her, that might scare her off too much, but then again, I had to say something so she didn't feel rejected. But I was still in shock from that kiss, so I couldn't really think. It was really sweet when she asked if I wanted a beer. The day she found out Hank (Scumbag) was cheating on her, I took her out for a beer to comfort her. Her copying my words from that day implied that it was her turn to comfort me. I relaxed once we got to the bar and as we made small talk, I formed a plan.

Now we're in the car driving back to mine, and the air is thick with tension.

She looked at me a minute ago, and I can see my response confused her.

Confusion suits her, she looks adorable.

We pull up outside my house and I turn to face her.

"Wanna come in for coffee?"

My tone is casual, but my eyes tell a different story.

She still looks confused but then she nods and flashes me the famous Sidle smirk. I think she's figured it out. I pause as she locks the car door then she follows me up the path to the front door. I unlock it and as soon as she's inside I push her up against it, closing it in the process. I place both my hands on her hips for balance and my breathing is labored as I reach up and whisper in her ear

"Tell me you want me."

She remains silent for a few moments before reversing our positions, so it's me who's pressed against the door.

"I want you."

She leans down and whispers it again in my ear.

With that I place one of my hands on the back on her neck and apply pressure until our lips are just inches apart. I tilt my face up so I can meet her eyes.

Sometimes actions are more powerful than words.

"Prove it." I whisper.

She presses into me even more, then her lips meet mine…

***

Chapter Five – Catherine's POV

Actions are definitely better than words. Her lips are full, soft and demanding. I struggle to gain composure for a moment, but then give into both of our need. I want to explore every part of this incredible woman's body, I want to know all the places that make her gasp. I tangle my hands in her hair and pull her even closer than before, deepening the kiss even more. Her hands find their way under my shirt and caress my stomach. I moan into her mouth and feel her smile against my lips. Eventually we break apart, completely breathless. I wrap my arms around her waist and hold her close to me. She rests her chin on the top of my head and I snuggle even closer to her, soaking up the warmth from her body. Eventually, despite my protests, Sara pulls away. I pout, earning me another one of her smiles. That gap in her teeth is just too cute. She cups my chin and lifts my head slightly so she can look into my eyes.

"Now now Catherine, you can't have it all your own way," She teases me.

I'm really starting to like this side of Sara. She traces my lips with her index finger and I kiss it. She laughs and I grab her hand and lead her into the living room. I make my way over to the couch and she sits down. Before she gets a chance to say anything else, I've straddled her lap and we engage in another kiss. My lips find their way to her neck, and I kiss all the way down to the top of her shirt. I unbutton it and run my fingers across her toned stomach, slowly making my way towards her breasts. She squirms and captures my lips again, her kisses becoming more demanding. I cup her breast and she gasps, then puts her hand underneath my shirt, lightly scratching my back. Before I can react, she's pulled my top over my head then pushed me backwards onto the couch. I push her shirt off her shoulders then pull her on top of me for another kiss. We stay like this for what feels like hours, kissing and exploring each other. Just as I'm considering taking things further, the phone rings. I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Ignore it," Sara suggests, kissing me again. I'm distracted now though, so I get up and answer it. It's my mother. She pulls me into a conversation about Lindsey and by the time I turn round, Sara has put her shirt back on. I know what she's going to say, and I don't like it.

"I should go."

I pout.

"Do you have to?"

"I need some sleep Cath, I'm exhausted. We'll talk tomorrow after shift, ok?"

I nod. She kisses me on the cheek then leaves. I go upstairs to bed, suddenly exhausted. I feel exhilarated and excited about what happened between us, but also lonely now she's gone. It's stupid. Half an hour of making out and I'm acting like a love sick teenager. It was pretty amazing though. I smirk, thinking of the next time we're alone.

Sara's POV

Once I arrive home, I grab a beer from the fridge, and then lie down on the couch. Already I'm confused. And out of my depth. I had feelings for Catherine before, but it was safe then because no one knew about them. Now they're out in the open, and real, and it frightens me how much I already feel for Catherine. Before, my feelings for her were more sexual than anything else.

But I've seen a more vulnerable side of her that I feel drawn to. It makes me want to protect her, stay by her side all the time to make sure no one hurts her. But I can't. I don't want to be in a relationship. I'm not ready for all the pain that comes with it. Catherine is amazing, and if I'm honest with myself, I'd love to be in relationship with her. But it can't happen. It just can't. With love only comes pain. I've had my heart broken before, and I don't want to set myself up for more hurt. I have to end this. Its not that I don't trust Catherine, I just don't trust relationships, and I definitely don't trust love. You're blissfully happy one minute, then something happens and your world shatters before your eyes.

I don't know what I'm going to say to Catherine. I don't want to hurt her. Also I really don't want to end what's barely begun. But I can't fall in love again. Last time was bad enough. In the long run, it'll be better for me and Catherine. It'll save us a lot of pain. How could I have even considered a relationship with her? She needs someone strong and reliable, two things I'm not. I feel terrible. I should never have let this happen.

She deserves better than this.

***

Chapter Six – Sara's POV

I can't end it. How can I put her through that? What the hell am I going to do? I arrive at work early again and head straight for the coffee machine. It's going to be a long night, I can feel it. I'm more nervous about seeing Catherine than I was yesterday, in fact, I'm a wreck. Today, she's on time. She sits down next to me, and all I want to do is kiss her. Our eyes lock and the look she gives me suggests she wants to do a lot more than kiss me. My body reacts and I blush and stand up, mumbling something about needing something from my locker. I almost run out of the breakroom to the safety of the locker room, and collapse on a bench in there, trying to get my body under control. Why does she have to be so hot? Why does she have such an effect on me?

"You're acting like a nut job again, Sidle. If you aren't careful, other people are going to start noticing."

I didn't even hear her enter the room. This is too much. I'm going to have to get back at her. I hear Warrick's voice out in the hallway. He'll be coming in here in a minute.

In one swift movement, I've got her pinned against the lockers.

"Well, if I'm a nut job, I'm not in my right mind. Which means I can do this."

I kiss her passionately, forcing her head back and deepening the kiss, then without warning, I pull away, smirking, just as Warrick enters the room.

"Hey Cath, hey Sara."

"Hey Warrick," I reply.

Catherine still hasn't said anything. Her face is flushed, and she's leaning against the lockers for balance.

I smirk at her, and Warrick gives her a questioning look.

"What's your problem Willows? Cat got your tongue?" My tone is innocent, but I'm glad Warrick can't see my expression because the look I'm giving her is positively dirty. She blushes an even deeper shade of red and I wink at her.

I had every intention of putting a stop to whatever our relationship was developing into, but I like this game. I like the effect I have on Catherine. She's fun to tease, and she looks cute when she's embarrassed. I'll have to try and keep things like this and hope our relationship doesn't get any more serious. That way, neither of us can get hurt.

Catherine's POV

I make my way back into the breakroom for assignments and try my hardest no to look at Sara, as I'm still a little thrown after that kiss she gave me. What happened in there was definitely a challenge, and although Sara may have won the first round, I'm not one to give up without a good fight. Grissom enters the room and I chance a look at her. Once I've caught her attention, I wink back at her, as if to say "Game on."

Sara and I are working with Grissom on the murder of a wealthy couple. Tonight, we've been completely professional and focused on the task ahead of us. Grissom doesn't often assign us to the same case because of past animosity, which is a little ironic because when we do work together, we make a brilliant team. I've finished processing the kitchen, where the husband was murdered, and I wander round, looking for Sara. I find her upstairs, in the bedroom. She has her back to me, and once I've checked Grissom isn't in the room, I close the distance between us. I wrap my arms around her waist, pressing myself against her.

She turns in my embrace and I smile up at her.

"Cath…we're at work…" she makes one attempt to discourage me but then my hands slide down from her lower back to cup her ass. She kisses me, but I don't allow the kiss to deepen and she growls in frustration.
I remember her words from this morning.
"Now now Sara, you can't have it all your own way," I purr.
I'm finding it hard to concentrate now. Her mouth is on my neck and she's kissing, nipping and licking the sensitive skin there. Wanting to distract her again, I kneel down, slide up her top and kiss her stomach gently. Her body trembles, and satisfied, I stand up and leave the room. I think I've evened the score between us now.

We don't see much of each other for the rest of the shift and we focus all of our attention on the case. By the time we get back to the lab, I'm exhausted. I'm halfway through changing my top when I turn and see Sara staring at me. She eyes me appreciatively.

"Nice bra Cath, red looks good on you."
I don't say anything, so she continues.
"Although, to be honest, I'd rather take it off."
I blush but I'd had the exact same thought running through my mind.
I finish changing then sit down on the bench to wait for her.
I regain my nerve and turn to her, a seductive smile on my face.
"So how about doing just that then?"
She thinks for a moment then smirks back at me.
"Your place or mine?"

Sara's POV

I'm relieved to say, after her behaviour during the shift, I'd say talking is the last thing on her mind. After all, a talk means things might turn serious, when I'd rather things just stay as they are now. I like teasing her, making her blush and I also like the way she teases me. Although part of me wants something more than this, but if things ger serious, I'll just end up getting hurt. I always do. I push that thought from the back of my mind and replace it with denial. Talking is overrated. We don't need to talk. Things are fine the way they are.
I pull up outside my apartment building and she pulls in just behind me. We make our way up to my apartment in silence. I let us in and I offer her coffee. She nods, but I don't want coffee, I want her.
I turn and face her. Her expression mirrors the way I'm feeling. Next thing I know, I've grabbed her and I devour her lips with mine...

***

Chapter Seven – Catherine's POV

We kiss passionately, each of us wanting to be the dominant one. In this position, her height gives her the advantage, so I allow her to be in control. She tilts my head back, then nibbles on my bottom lip, and I can't hold back the moan that escapes me. She then explores every inch of my mouth with her tongue. Eventually we break apart, taking in deep breaths of much needed oxygen. I lean against her shoulder, stroking her back lightly. My hand finds its way under her shirt and I stroke the sensitive skin of her back. Her breathing becomes labored again, and I revel in the effect that I have on her. It's intoxicating. Then she grabs my hand and leads me towards the bedroom.

"Do you want this?"

She sighs then replies

"Yes."

"Don't you think it's a little soon?"

"Yes."

"Does that bother you?"

"No."

I can tell she's being deliberately annoying, but then she pulls me in the bedroom and onto the bed. I straddle her thighs and pin both her arms down. I kiss her long and hard, this time I explore her mouth and leave her breathless. I eventually kiss my way down her neck, nipping the skin gently. I know there will be a mark there later, but I'm not bothered. I'm proud to have marked her. I unbutton her shirt and run my hands over her stomach, marvelling at how smooth her skin is. She squirms underneath me and I retrace the path I just took, watching her stomach muscles contract. I press a kiss against her stomach, then allow her to sit up just enough to slide her shirt off. I unclasp her bra at the same time, and discard it. I meet her eyes and her expression is…shy, almost vulnerable. I pull her up till she's in a sitting position, with me straddled across her lap, then I pull her towards me, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tight. She buries her head in my chest and I drop light kisses on her shoulders, her neck and her back.
We stay like this for a while, until Sara's hands start to wander underneath my top. I raise my arms and she takes it off for me, along with my bra. But then she pushes me backwards, pinning my arms above my head. I shudder as she kisses a path from my neck to the top of my pants. I manage to free my hands and tangle them in her hair, pulling her up so I can kiss her properly. As we kiss, she unbuttons my pants, and I lift myself off the bed slightly and slide them off. I turn my attention to Sara's jeans, although I'm find it hard to focus as she's kissing and caressing the tops of my thighs. Then she slides a hand inside my panties and I forget everything other than her touch.

Sara's POV

I wake up five minutes before my alarm goes off. Catherine is still asleep, her head on my chest. I replay the events of last night in my mind. I'll have to wake her up in a minute. I don't know how I feel about what happened this morning. I did want it, but then again, I kind of wish it hadn't happened. Part of me wants to do the right thing, take things slow with her. I want to be with her, take care of her, make her feel safe...but then again I don't. I don't want to be fucked about. She has me whipped already, and we haven't even talked about where this is going. For all I know, she's just using me to get laid. I mean, I thought she hated me up until a few hours ago. I think I'm right. She just wanted to get a release. Well, I can play that game too. I refuse to be hurt again. I slip out of her embrace, and pull on an old t-shirt. She slowly wakes up.

"Evening," she mumbles.

"Hey."

She looks up and seems to sense my discomfort.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just need to get ready for work, that's all, and I couldn't do that without waking you up. You should probably go too, seeing as you also need to get ready."

With that, I retreat into the bathroom. I gaze at my reflection for a few moments, and splash water on my face. Then I go out to face Catherine again. She's dressed by now and we both stand there in silence, not knowing what to say.

"Look, about last night-"

"Catherine, people do it all the time. We both just needed a release, that's all. It's nothing big. I don't regret it, and neither should you. This doesn't change anything. It happened, but that's ok."

Her face hardens. In fact, she looks really pissed.

"Yeah," She says coldly, "It was just a release."

Then she walks out without saying another word.

***

Chapter Eight – Sara's POV

It's half way through the night shift, and I haven't seen Catherine for even a minute. I'm not really surprised, it's a busy night, there are five cases and everyone's gone solo other than me, I'm working with Greg. We've got a Suspicious Circs on the Strip. I can't stop thinking about the look Catherine gave me before she left. I'm more unfocused than usual, and to my surprise, Greg notices.

When we get back to the lab, the first thing he does is go to the locker room, dragging me along with him

"Greg, what are we doing here? We've got loads of evidence to process and-"

"Sara, Sara, Sara...do you want some GOOD coffee or not?"

I can't help but smile then. He's got out his private stash of premium coffee just for me. Although he can be irritating at times, he really does have a good heart underneath it all.

We take the skin scrapings into the DNA lab to be processed, then go and sit in the breakroom and sip our coffee.

Greg stares at me for a long time and I pretend not to notice. In the end he gives up on waiting for me to talk and cuts straight to it.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

I smile brightly at him.

"Nothing's wrong, I'm fine."

"I may not have been a CSI for as long as you have Sara, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that something's wrong with you."

"Greg, really, don't worry. I'm perfectly fine."

He rolls his eyes and leans back in his chair.

"Is it a guy?"

I look at him in surprise. He may not be spot on, but he's closer to it than I expected. At least he doesn't think it's about Grissom. He's trying so hard to be nice, so I guess I owe him some kind of explanation.

"Yeah Greg, in a way it is."

He studies me for a moment.

"Did he reject you?"

"No, I rejected them."

"And you feel guilty?"

"At the time, I felt I was doing the right thing, but after the way they reacted, I'm not so sure. I thought they were using me Greg, so I decided to make it easy for them. But, the way they reacted makes me think I could have been wrong. I just don't understand how they could even consider having feelings for me..."

I trail off, feeling a little stupid. Greg's so young, how is he supposed to understand. But, yet again, he surprises me.

"Sara, you sound very uncertain. I don't think it's about them at all. I think you reacted the way you did because you're scared."

I stare openly at him. How does he understand? He's...he's Greg.

He grins.

"I've done it too Sara, pretty much everyone has. So tell me, why are you scared? Do you find commitment hard?"

I'm shocked. How does Greg, of all people, understand situations like this? Oops, he's still waiting for an answer. I decide to be honest.

"It's not commitment that scares me Greg, it's being hurt. I've had my heart broken before, and I don't want to go through that again."

He poses theatrically, his hand on this heart.

"Oh Sara, I know how that feels. You've broken my heart many a time with your rejections of my advan-"

I cut him off with a death glare, and he becomes serious again.

"I understand how you feel, but there's a lot to consider here. You're thirty four years old, do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone?"

I gawp at him. When the hell did he become so knowledgeable? He continues gazing at me, waiting for my answer.

"I-I..."

I have no idea how to answer that question. That's something I never considered before. I always thought about the past, never the future. Yeah, I was put through a lot of pain, but would a future alone be more painful? I contemplate it, and Greg waits patiently, until I'm ready to talk again.

"I guess I never looked at it that way before. I always just thought about getting hurt again."

"But did you consider how it might not be painful? Did you stop to think about how it could make you happy? Or were you too busy living in the past to consider it?"

I think about it. I mean, it's Catherine. She may not have talked to me about where we stood, but then again, I never gave her the chance. I was, in fact I am, too afraid of getting my heart broken, so I never gave her a chance. A slow smile spreads across my face. Greg's words were so simple, yet they make so much sense. How could I have been so stupid? I stand up. There's a call I need to make.

"Thanks Greggo, you've been amazing. I just need to make a call. I'll be back in a minute to process everything from the scene."

"Do I get a kiss for being so amazing?"

I chuckle.

"Nope."

"Well, will you at least tell me who the lucky guy is?"

"If I did, I'd have to kill you."

He pouts, but doesn't push it.

I leave the breakroom and walk to the end of the corridor. If I'm going to call her, I need privacy.

***

Chapter Nine – Sara's POV

I start to feel nervous as I dial her number. I remember the look she gave me earlier. There was a flash of sadness in her eyes, but that quickly turned to anger. What if she rejects me? Well, it's no more than I deserve after the way I treated her this morning. I was so wrapped up in my issues; I never stopped to think how she must have felt. Shit, she's answered the phone.

"Willows."

"Cath, it's me."

"What do you want?"

Yeah, she's definitely pissed off.

"Um, I was wondering if you'd come with me to get something to eat after shift? We could talk..."

"What's there to talk about? You said all that was needed to be said this morning."

"I didn't mean that Cath, I'm sorry, I-"

"Too little, too late Sidle."

She's hung up before I have the chance to say anything else. I'll just have to think of another way to get through to her. I can't bear to leave it like this.

Catherine's POV

It's almost the end of shift when I throw my kit into the back of the SUV and slam the doors hard. I rev the engine and speed off towards the lab. How dare she. Who the hell does she think she is? She completely blows me off yesterday, but suddenly she's being all sugary sweet. She probably wants to get laid again. Maybe she thinks I enjoy one night stands. I have a daughter for Christ's sake; I can't afford to sleep around, for her sake, let alone mine. I slept with Sara because I care...CARED about her, and I thought she cared about me. Instead, she just used me, and then basically threw me out. She humiliated me, just like Novak, just like Chris, just like Eddie...she's no different. After all the business with Novak, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't be messed about again. I thought she cared.

Once I've logged all the evidence in, I clock out and leave on time for once. I miss Lindsey, but I'm relieved Nancy is taking her to school again today – I'm just too tired. Once I get home, I don't even bother going upstairs; I just kick off my shoes and stretch out on the couch. Not even ten minutes have gone by when there's a knock on the door. I ignore it. If it's important, they'll come back later. But they knock again, and I get up, cursing whoever is on the other side of the door. Sara stands there, her expression unreadable. Before she can say anything, I've slammed the door.

"Catherine, please can we talk? I owe you an explanation. I can talk to you from here, but I'd rather talk face to face."

I open the door.

"Did I not make myself clear earlier? There's nothing to say. You got what you wanted, I don't see what the problem is."

"But that's the point, I-"

"We fucked Sara, that's all. We both just needed a release, you said so yourself."

She looks hurt, not that she has any reason to. I'm the one who thought too much of it. To her it was just sex.

"Do you really believe that Catherine? Do you really believe it was just a release?"

For you, yes. For me no. I fight the urge to cry. I'm already humiliated as it is.

"Yes Sara, I do."

Her expression is unreadable again.

"Fine then."

She turns around and walks away.

I close the door and return to the couch, choking back tears. I'm strong, I've always been strong. I am not going to cry.

Why did she have to turn up here? Why does she have to rub salt into my wounds? I expect she wants to apologise and ask if we can be friends. Maybe she wants a fuck. I don't know. I don't care. Well, I do care, but that doesn't matter. I won't be screwed over. I won't be used. I won't be hurt.

Three weeks go by, and we don't talk, other than to make the occasional dig at each other. Rather, I make comments and she walks away, looking resigned. I know it's petty of me, but what she did still stings. Tonight though, Grissom decides to assign us both to a case. I start to protest, but Grissom just ignores me and continues with the assignments.

"I'm driving," I say shortly as we walk out the lab. She just nods.

We arrive at the crime scene, and slip under the yellow tape. I stop short once I see the body. Grissom didn't give us details about it, just told us the body of a young female had been discovered in an alley. He didn't say how young though. The body of a child who looks no older than thirteen lies before us. She's face up, her blonde hair fanning out around her head, her legs and her arms stretched out. Her eyes are closed and her face is devoid of expression. And she looks remarkably like Lindsey. Although I know it isn't her, I still freeze for a moment. Sara senses my discomfort and reaches out to put a hand on my shoulder, but I jerk away.

"I'm fine," I snap, before stepping forward to examine the scene.

***

Chapter 10 – Sara's POV

The case shook us both to the core. Not only was the victim sexually assaulted pre and post-mortem, she also holds a frightening resemblance to Catherine's daughter, so all animosity between me and Catherine was put aside so we could be completely focused on catching the bastard that did this. Although Catherine is putting up a strong front, I can see the pain written all over her face. Although the case has effected me, it's got to Catherine a hell of a lot more. To make it worse, there's an overwhelming lack of evidence. No girl matching our vics description has been reported missing in this area either, so she remains a Jane Doe.

I can't understand how someone could care so little about their child. We don't know her age exactly, but she can't be any older than thirteen. So for now, we have nothing.

I'd pull a double shift, but I'm exhausted so I make my way to the locker room. Catherine is sat on the bench, her head in her hands. I ignore her. She's made it pretty clear she doesn't want to talk to me. Still, it hurts seeing her so broken. Her shoulders begin to shake and she sobs quietly. I don't think she knows I'm in here.

Oh, screw this. I can't just sit by and let her go through this alone. Nothing needs to be said. I sit next to her and the bench and wrap an arm round her shoulders, pulling her closer to me. She buries her head in my shoulder and cries even harder. We just sit here, her crying, me holding her tightly, stroking her hair lightly. Nick comes in to collect his things from his locker and gives me a questioning look. I just shake my head at him so he gets his stuff then goes. Eventually Catherine's sobs lessen slightly so I gather up the courage to speak.

"Cath, I'm taking you home. Please don't argue with me, I just want to take care of you."

To my surprise, she doesn't protest so I gather my things and lead her out to the car.

"My place or yours?" I ask as I start the engine.

"Yours."

I nod silently as I pull away from the lab.

I let us in and sit Catherine down on the couch. I then go and make us both some coffee. I pass her the mug and sit at the opposite end of the couch, not wanting to crowd her. I'm so tired, I gulp my coffee down, while she sips at hers. We sit in silence, and eventually she gives me a faint smile.

"Thanks."

"What for?"

She motions to me to come and sit closer to her, which I do.

"Just...for being here I guess. Every time I see a case like this, every time someone hurts another innocent child, I lose some more of my faith in humanity. There's so many dangers in the world already, what hope do we have when humans create more? It gets to the point where I'm afraid to let Lindsey go out with her friends. I've just seen too much of what people are capable of, and it terrifies me. It doesn't just terrify me, it sickens and angers me. If it weren't for the fact that I'm helping to put the bastards who do things like that away, I'd leave this job and never look back."

She starts to cry again. I pull her onto my lap and hug her to me and she wraps her arms round me, crying into my neck. Tears prick the corners of my eyes. She's right – what hope do we have when humans are becoming the biggest danger themselves?

Then I think of my co-workers and all the people I've met who've helped the victims of all these crimes. As long as there are people like that in the world, there is still hope.

I can't help but smile when I wake up. Catherine is cuddled into me, one arm round my waist. She looks so peaceful that I can't bear to wake her. I lift myself up slightly and check the clock. We've got another four hours before we have to be at work.

This morning, Catherine was so exhausted, I had to carry her to bed. It was completely innocent, I didn't even kiss her. She just needed comfort, so I held her till we both fell asleep. I'm so happy she allowed me to comfort her. In fact, I feel honoured. I'm just scared that she'll go back to blanking me once she wakes up.

"Sara?"

Oh. She's awake.

I smile down at her. She looks really cute when she's sleepy.

"Morning."

To my delight, she pulls me down and holds me tightly so my face is buried in her neck.

"Thank you baby," she whispers in my ear.

I shiver slightly at the feel of her breath against my skin.

"There's no need for thanks," I whisper back.

She pulls away slightly so she can look at me. Our faces are inches apart, and suddenly, there's butterflies in my stomach.

We haven't talked about what this means. Hell, we haven't talked at all in weeks. But I'd gladly take three weeks of her blanking me again if I could have another moment like this.

She reaches up and brushes a stray hair from my cheek.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?"

She thinks I'M beautiful?

"Compared to you? I think not."

She laughs gently.

"Learn to take a compliment Sidle."

"I'll learn to take compliments if you'll allow me to comfort you more often."

My tone is teasing, but I can tell she knows I mean it.

"I'll allow you to comfort me if you let down your guard and open up to me."

I realise at this exact moment that I'd go to end of the universe for this women if she asked me to. I smile teasingly.

"Well, I'll let down my guard if you let me kiss you."

She laughs.

"You're asking a bit much aren't you Sidle?"

"I-"
She cuts me off by pressing a finger against my lips.

"Sara, just shut up and kiss me."

I don't hesitate.

Catherine's POV

Actions speak louder than words. In that one kiss I feel everything that she feels for me. And it feels good. I've been so stupid. How could I have ever doubted this beautiful, amazing person's feelings for me? Why did I waste so much time being angry?

I don't know how long the kiss lasts, but for me it's not long enough.

Our eyes meet and I beam at her. I can't remember when I felt so happy.

There's no need for words, but Sara speaks anyway.

"Where do we go from here?"

"Well, tell me where you want us to go."

"I..I want.." This is a big thing for her, I know how difficult she finds it to let people in. Then her troubled expression clears, she smiles, and it's like the sun coming out on a rainy day.

"I want to cuddle up to you every night and protect you from the evils of the world. I want to wake up with you every morning, because however bad the rest of the day is, if your face is the first thing I see in the morning and I can remember waking up next to you, things won't seem so bad. I want to take you out and show you off. I want to kiss you till we're both breathless. But most of all, I want to be with you because you give me hope and make everything seem so much more worthwhile."

I'm speechless. She's pretty much voiced everything I feel for her.

I pout.

"I was going to say that."

"Which part?"

"All of it."

She kisses me gently.

"Anything you say is important because it's you that's saying it."

"Sara?"

"Yeah."

"I don't just want you to be there for me, I need you to be. I need you to be there at night to make me feel safe, I need to wake with you every morning. I need to be around you because you make me feel cared for, wanted and safe."

She pulls me closer.

"Well you've got me."

***

Next part of Thoughtless Dreaming.