Title: Time For Letting Go
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: Un-themed 5, mission_insane
Prompt: 10, Grieve
Author's Note: Post-ep for the S11 CSI: Vegas episode "Cello and Goodbye", and a sequel to the Greg/Nick fic "Thinking of You". Completely unrelated to the other Greg/Nick series that I write.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Nick Stokes, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Greg closed his eyes as he closed the last box, waiting for a few moments before he reached for the tape to seal it shut. That was it, the last of Jonah's belongings either packed away to be sent to his parents, or given to the thrift stores in the neighborhood.

Jonah had told Greg that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted his belongings donated to charity, so that people could get some use out of them. Of course, he'd been joking at the time, but Greg was sure that he would have wanted those words carried out.

He'd always been the kind of guy who wanted to help other people, Greg thought with a slight smile. That was how he wanted to remember Jonah; he wanted to remember the light and the laughter and the good times, not the way that it had all ended so abruptly.

He wouldn't remember Jonah as a dead body riddled with bullets who had just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He would remember him as one of the most generous, loving people Greg had ever known, someone who'd been a wonderful part of his life.

Greg sat down on the bed, absently running a hand over the mattress. The sheets and comforters were gone; he'd packed them away and had them sent to Goodwill. There was one comforter in particular that he'd kept, though -- one that he and Jonah had liked to snuggle under.

There were quite a few things that he'd kept, things that would remind of all the good times he and Jonah had shared. That time might have been brief, but knowing Jonah and loving him had enriched his life in a lot of ways, Greg thought, forcing back tears.

He wasn't going to cry. The time for that was past; he needed to remember all of the happiness that Jonah had brought into his life, not cry for his loss. He would still be grieving for a while, but he had moved past that first overwhelming grief, and he had to keep going forward.

Nick was helping him with that, just as Jonah had known he would. He'd been right when he had told Greg that a part of him was still in love with Nick, had never stopped loving him. That didn't mean that he'd loved Jonah less -- just that he had a hard time letting go.

That had always been one of his biggest faults, but he was trying to get better about it. He didn't hold on to possessions any more; if he had no more use for something, he either threw it away or donated it. But letting go of relationships was a whole different thing.

He'd done it before, and it had hurt unbearably at the time, even if he wasn't seriously emotionally involved with that person. Maybe he was just the kind of person who didn't like to let anyone walk out of his life because there were never that many people in it, Greg thought with a sigh.

But this was entirely different from having someone turn their back on him and walk away. This time, he'd had someone he loved ripped out of his life -- not only didn't he want them to go, but they hadn't wanted to leave, either. This was like nothing he'd ever experienced before.

How long would he grieve for Jonah? He didn't know, but Greg had a feeling that there would be a part of him that always hurt. It would be like a sore spot that was always there, a spot that always radiated a certain amount of pain whenever it was touched.

Grief couldn't last forever; sooner or later, it would be time to let go and put his memories of Jonah away into the past. He was trying to do that now, Greg told himself, but it wasn't as easy as everyone around him seemed to think it should be.

Still, he was starting to let those memories slide into the background of his life, rather than trying to push them into the forefront. He would never forget Jonah, or their feelings for each other, but he knew that it was time for letting go, for moving on into the future.

He was slowly doing that, but it was a long, hard process. Even with Nick in his life to help him move on, he still had a hard time letting go. Was that because it was in his nature to cling to whatever he loved, or was it that way for everybody? He couldn't help wondering about that.

Sighing again, Greg got to his feet and picked up the box he'd just packed, setting it on top of several others. These were all of Jonah's clothes; he was sending them all to charity, where people who needed them would get some use from them. It was what Jonah had wanted.

It wasn't going to be easy to close the door on this part of his life and know that it was irrevocably over. But he couldn't keep hanging on to his memories of Jonah; if he did that, he would never be able to move forward, and he didn't want to be stuck living in the past.

Nick would help him with this, Greg told himself, a small smile curving his lips at the thought of his boyfriend. Nick would be there for him in any way he could be; things had changed so much between them since they'd decided to give their relationship another try.

Nick no longer took him for granted, or treated him as though he was second best. No, now Nick was always putting him first, in every way; he wasn't taking on extra assignments at work, and he was proving that his ambition wasn't the only thing that mattered to him.

They hadn't gotten to the point of sleeping together again, but Greg knew that was coming. He still wasn't quite ready to take things to that level -- but he would be. It wouldn't be much longer, he was sure of that. He only had to take a few more small steps.

Once he took those steps, he would let Nick back into his heart and soul in every way. Maybe he was there already, Greg told himself, feeling a sensation of warmth and security sweep over him. That was how Nick had always made him feel -- safe, secure, and protected.

Jonah had tried to do that -- and he had, in a way. But he couldn't be Nick, no matter how hard he had tried. He had been first in Greg's life during the time they'd been together, but just as Jonah had said, Nick had always been there. He'd never left Greg's heart.

He didn't want to think that this was the things had always been intended to be; he didn't want to believe that Jonah had been brought into his life only to be taken away by some kind of vengeful fate. Greg wanted to remember their times together with smiles, not tears and regret.

One thing he would do was close that door firmly behind him, Greg told himself as he walked to the doorway and looked back over the boxes that were stacked neatly, waiting to be picked up. He couldn't grieve forever. It was time for letting go.

Jonah would always be a part of him; there would always be a place in his heart for the man he had loved and lost. But Nick was also in his heart -- and Nick was his future. He had to let go of the past and walk into that future with open arms, ready to embrace it wholeheartedly.

Turning his back on the boxes in the room, Greg walked down the hallway to the living room, picking up his cell phone from the coffee table and dialing Nick's number. He knew what the next step in letting go of the past would be -- and he was determined to take that step now.

***

Next story in series - Walk Into the Future.