Title: Turn Away
By: ButterfliesForHer
Pairing: Cath/Sara angst, hints of Gil/Sara
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own them, or anything else for that matter. Poor little me.
POV: Catherine's
Spoilers: None
A/N: I've had this stuck in my head for a while, and decided it was time I got it out of my system.
Summary: Don't look back because I'm crying.

***

As cruel as it sounds, I always thought it'd be me that ended things with you, not the other way around.

Well, I say ended.

There wasn't much of a relationship to end.

We fucked.

We fucked when we were upset, we fucked when we were angry, we fucked because there was no one else there for us.

And, at first, I didn't mind that that was all there was to it, but then, as we saw more and more of each other, the more my feelings grew.

When I saw you crying in the locker room, I just wanted to put my arms around you, and comfort you.

Instead, I offered you my body and let you fuck it away, just like we had time and time again.

But that was the day I realised I wanted more from you.

After that, I wanted to talk to you, hold you, I just wanted to make you happy again.

But I couldn't bring myself to tell you.

And now you sit here, telling me that he loves you, and our 'relationship' didn't, doesn't and never will mean anything.

You tell me that you want more than this, but not with me.

With me, it was just about sex, release, nothing more.

You tell me he can give you so much more than that.

I have to ask you, for my sake more than anything else.

"Do you love him?"

You pause, and a faint smile graces your lips.

"Yes."

And then you walk away.

I will you not to look back at me.

Don't look back.

Don't look back because I'm crying.

Then again, I want to call you back.

I want you to hold me.

I want to tell you it did, does, and always will mean something to me.

That it meant something to me because for a few hours of my life I had you in my arms.

That all I want is for you to love me back.

But you don't look back, you just walk away, like all those times before.

Except this time it's the last time.

You're walking away to him, because he can give you what you want.

I doubt he could ever love you the way I do, but that doesn't matter because you don't care about me.

You stop, and just for a moment, I'm terrified and thrilled that you're going to turn around, and come back to me.

But you carry on walking, and I allow my head to drop into my arms.

I did, I do, and I always will love you.

***

Next story in series - Hiding.