Previous part of The Enemy.

***

They were nearly home when Nick reached over and turned the air con from cold to hot, transforming the truck in seconds from a comfortable cold to an uncomfortable...for Gil...hot.

"Man, I've gone cold. Real cold." He looked over at Gil and Gil, glancing from the road for a moment, could see the panic in his eyes.

"It could be the shivers and that the steroid injection hasn't helped. We'll be home soon. Open your window and feel the heat from outside." It would also give Gil some much needed fresh air.

"Yeah, good idea."

Gil could hear that Nick's breathing had hitched up a notch or too. He reached over and put his hand on Nick's thigh. "It's okay, sweetheart. Nothing we don't know about."

"You're right." Nick tried a smile and put his hand over Gil's. To Gil he felt perfectly normal. No hotter or colder than it normally was.

Just a few minutes later they were home. By the time they were in the house Nick was hugging himself and physically shivering.

"Go get ready for bed. I'll get that hot water bottle out and make you a hot drink...what about a bath? Do you want one?"

"No...I want to get into bed. I'll have the hot water bottle and the drink though." He tried to smile. Gil hugged him and could feel his body shaking in his arms. His heart ached for his lover.

"Come on." He wrapped his arm around his waist and led him towards the bedroom.

"I'm okay...you get my drink and the hot water bottle."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Just the shivers...like I know can happen." He seemed a little better to Gil than he had been a few minutes previously.

"Tea...or what about hot chocolate?"

"That'd be good." Nick smiled.

"One hot chocolate...made with milk...coming up." He smiled back at Nick and kissed him on the end of his nose. Hot drinking chocolate made with milk was a rare favourite of both of men.

Gil found the hot water bottle and did that first and took it into Nick. Nick had put on a long sleeved tee shirt, some sleep pants and a pair of his hiking socks and was just getting into bed.

"Here." Gil handed him the bottle and he held it to his chest and he snuggled down. Gil then went to a cupboard and retrieved a winter blanket and threw that over Nick. He looked very cosy. "I'll be back in a minute or two with your drink."

Gil made two drinks although he thought he'd be sweating having a drink like this in the heat but it was a comforting drink and he thought they both could do with some comfort. When he got back to the bedroom he thought Nick would be asleep but he wasn't, he was still visibly shaking under the bedclothes. Gil knew that this was a side effect of the bleomycin but he was still worried. Knowing about it and experiencing it were two entirely different things.

"Here, Nick, can you sit up. I'll help you hold the mug."

"Yeah, okay, thanks." Even Nick's voice was shaky.

Gil sat on the bed beside Nick and put one arm around his shoulders pulling Nick to him and with his other hand he held the mug to Nick's lips. "It's hot, be careful."

"I need it." He wrapped his hands over Gil's one hand holding the mug and just sipped a little of the hot chocolate. "Tastes good." He took another sip. In fact he finished it quite quickly hoping the hot drink would warm him.

"Feel warmer?"

"Yeah. I do. A bit. But I've never been so cold in my life, I don't think. Can't remember ever being this cold."

"You don't feel cold at all." Gil put his hand on Nick's forehead. "To me you just feel...normal."

"Do I?" Nick looked surprised and felt his own face. My hand feels cold and so does my face. But apart from the cold I don't feel bad or anything."

"That's good. Why not try to get some sleep. I'll finish my drink and then get in with you."

"And cuddle me?" Nick had his puppy dog eyes trained on Gil.

"Try and stop me. Come on settle down again." He helped Nick get comfortable, telling him to face away from Gil's side of the bed and then he would spoon with him when he got into bed.

Gil drank his own chocolate and then went for a piss, a wash and then cleaned his teeth. He was just making his way to bed when he realised his hands were cold from cleaning his teeth with cold water. He went back to the bathroom and put them under hot water until they were warm. Then he went to bed.

It was a warm night and he wondered how he was going to cope in bed with all the heat that Nick was generating. He couldn't put on the air con for fear of freezing Nick. He was wearing just his boxer shorts. He got into bed and cuddled behind Nick who now felt boiling hot because of the clothes he was wearing and the bedclothes and the bot water bottle. Gil lay with his arm around Nick's middle and Nick had put his hand on top on Gil's.

"Hold on a minute, sweetheart." Gil pulled away for a moment and pushed the bedclothes from his side of the bed onto Nick so that although the front of his body was covered with the same bedclothes that Nick needed to keep warm the back of his body was completely uncovered. He hoped that would keep him cool. He cuddled up to Nick again and murmured to Nick.

"I love you. You're very brave."

Nick chuckled. "No, I'm not. You're biased."

"I guess I am."

They held each other tightly and both fell asleep quite quickly. The next thing Gil was aware of was Nick thrashing around in bed...he was instantly alert.

"Nick? Nick? What's wrong?"

Nick was only half awake and was pulling himself into wakefulness. "Holy shit...fuck...I'm hot...why the fuck did I put on all this stuff..." He was huffing and puffing and Gil chuckled.

"Because you were cold?"

"I'm wrapped up like a fucking Egyptian Mummy."

"Hold still...I'll extricate you...you've wrapped yourself up worse..." Gil got out of bed and went around to Nick's side of the bed and started by pulling off the extra blanket he'd put on top and then he pulled the bedding down off Nick...putting it straight as he did so. He retrieved the now only warm hot water bottle and then pulled Nick up to a sitting position and helped him take off his tee shirt. Nick bent down and took off his socks and then his pants.

"Shit man, I was cold but this seems like overkill...and a hot chocolate?"

"And a hot chocolate."

"How long have we been asleep?"

Gil looked at the clock. "About two hours. You want a glass of cold water?"

"Yeah...it's okay I need a piss so I'll get one, you get back onto bed. I must have made you hot."

"I was sleeping with my ass hanging out the other side...I was okay."

"Nice ass, man. You want to fool around?" Nick waggled his eyebrows at Gil and Gil laughed.


"Help us get back to sleep?"

"Is that all I am? A sleep aid?"

"A sleep aid and so much more." Gil laughed. "Go do your business and get back here."

"Yes, Sir."

Half an hour later the two sticky, sweaty men settled back down into their cool bedding bed and fell asleep.

***

Nick went to work and felt fine all night.

Since his team mates had all been in contact on the phone or had visited with him since his operation they were okay with him but some of the lab staff appeared to be very cautious about approaching him. But he caught a couple of them having a surreptitious look at him so he smiled at them and they smiled back and it was like the ice was broken. But Hodges wanted to interrogate him.

"How are you doing, Nick?"

"Good, man, how are you?"

"Fine. Yes, fine." Hodges looked around and then sidled closer to Nick. "How does it feel...you know...being lopsided..." His voice was as quiet as Nick had ever heard.

"I find myself kinda walking at an angle...and have to pull myself back up straight and my other ball seems to weigh a ton."

Hodges' eyes were wide. "Really?"

"No."

"Oh. Then?"

"I really can't say I've noticed any difference. After the op I was sore and then when I wasn't sore I didn't notice."

"Do you feel...emasculated?" He was still whispering and looking around furtively.

"No! For God's sake, Hodges, I don't feel any different."

"Is Gil alright...I mean...being gay...and...you know..."

"No, I don't; I have no idea what you mean?"

"I...well...you're men together...does he miss...it?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself? Gil, do you miss my cancerous ball? Gil had walked up behind Hodges having seen him interrogating Nick and he feared the worst. Nick's question confirmed it.

"Have you got any work to do?"

"Oh..." He scurried out of Nick's lab like a scalded cat.

"What on earth has been asking you?"

"I don't really know...he wanted to know if it felt odd having just one ball and he wanted to know what you felt about it...I don't know whether he meant physically...actually touching it...or about me having cancer. Don't be hard on him...poor guy is short on social skills."

"I'm short on social skills but I don't intrude on other people's private lives." Gil was angry.

"He's probably scared. There but for the Grace of God...kind of thing..."

"Don't make excuse for him, sweetheart. You're too kind."

"Hey...calm down. Calm down, I'm okay."

"You okay?" Catherine came up into the room behind Gil.

"Yes." Gil was terse with her and she raised her eyebrows.

"Hodges upset him."

"I thought you were immune to David by now?"

"I'm suffering a relapse." Gil relaxed a little.

"He's who he is and he isn't going to change. He doesn't mean to anger or annoy you...he worships the ground you walk on...you know that. I don't really think he wants to annoy anyone...he just...does."

"I agree with you, Catherine...as annoying as he is he doesn't do it intentionally. Gil's being sensitive and I made it worse. I'm sorry, babe." Nick rubbed Gil's back in a soothing gesture.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, sweetheart."

"O. M. G. Babe and sweetheart...I think my ears are going to bleed."

"Don't you start." Gil spoke sternly but was smirking at her.

"I won't but I need to speak to you about this case...you going back to your office any time soon?"

"Now, come on." Gil turned to leave but then stopped turned back to Nick and leaned over him and gave him a quick kiss on his lips.

"And now my eyes are going to bleed too..."

"Thin ice, Catherine, thin ice." Nick laughed as Gil walked out speaking to Catherine and she laughed as she followed him and winked at Nick.

Nick completed some lab work he needed to do and wrote up notes for another couple of cases. He did some fibre tests for Sara and Warrick...and all in all he felt useful. He was satisfied he'd done a good night's work when he was making his way with Gil to Gil's truck for day three of his treatment.

"Hodges avoided me for the rest of the shift...I must shout at him more often...it's a relief."

"You have a mean streak, Gil Grissom."

"I think I have...I should maybe cultivate it and start giving it out in equal measures."

"To me, as well?"

"You're exempt, you know that."

"Okay. That's good. Will you give me the head's up when you're going chew out Sara...I want a seat in the stalls?"

"I'm not that brave...or foolish..." He chuckled. "...can you blame me for wanting an easy life?"

"No, man! If you did have a go...we'd all suffer. She still can't believe you're gay and that I have you all to myself. Really...I think she's sad."

"I know what you mean. But she does have every opportunity to move on with her life but she does tend to wallow in her misfortune...a great brain and an excellent CSI but she is stuck in a rut." Gil chuckled somewhat ironically. "I'm a fine one to talk...I was exactly the same for years..."

"Ahhh...but now you've got me."

"I have, haven't I?" They were leaning on Gil's truck finishing their conversation.

"Ready for round three?"

"Yeah. Come on."

Susan wasn't in work and Andrew gave him the infusion and anti-nausea injection and less than an hour later they were on their way home.

"I'm really tired." Nick could hardly get the words out for a jaw splitting yawn.

"That's your first time in work for over a week and you get relaxed and have to work up into work mode again."

"I hardly worked...you can't call doing a few notes and tests work..."

"...I can and I will. It takes brain power and yours has been powered down." Gil grinned.

"I think you might be insulting me. If I wasn't so tired I think we'd have a fight." He grinned at Gil and put his hand over the console and held onto his arm.

Gil didn't look at him but smiled, quite contentedly.

At home Nick showered, drank a juice and went straight to bed, Gil stayed up a little longer to finish his article and get it ready for the publisher. When he went to bed a couple of hours later Nick was spread out across the bed lying on his back, snoring. Gil stood looking and listening to him reflecting on how normal everything was...and yet it wasn't.

He knew he shouldn't have been so hard on Hodges. But he felt so protective of Nick...even though Nick was treating it with good humour it seemed to Gil that they shouldn't joke about it...they shouldn't tempt fate. He rubbed his eyes and looked at Nick once more...he'd have to move him to get into bed and then make him lie on his side to stop the snoring. Some things never changed.

Twenty minutes later, after a shower, he moved Nick across the bed and rolled him over and got into bed. In seconds Nick had rolled back and was plastered over Gil. He chuckled and rubbed his hair. At least he wasn't having the shivers tonight.

That night at work Nick looked tired. He said he felt okay but to Gil he wasn't quite up to his usual standard and Gil had a premonition that things were about to become a lot worse...

***

The next morning Nick fell asleep in the truck on their way home from his chemotherapy. Gil had to shake him quite hard to rouse him.

He couldn't- even speak for yawning and although Gil made him drink a juice he was nearly asleep before he could undress. He slept solidly for nine hours and missed the alarm clock. Gil got up but left him sleeping; he thought he would wake when he needed to piss. And he did. He was very thirsty too and drank three glasses of water straight down. Gil prevented him from drinking another full glass.

"Wait a little while for the fluids to be absorbed and then drink some more and come and have something to eat."

"I'm not hungry....just thirsty, don't know if I can eat anything."

"Okay...then we have the shakes we bought in case you weren't hungry...the nutrient drinks, do you think you could drink one?"

"Yeah, I could try. What flavour?"

"Which flavour do you want? Vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, I think we've got."

"Strawberry. I think. You won't get mad if I can't drink it will you?"

"Nick!"

"Just saying because I know you want me to keep my strength up and all...but if I can't drink it..."

"...then you don't have to...but you do need to drink as much as you can."

"I will."

Gil moved in close and hugged Nick. He seemed strange somehow...not quite the Nick he was used to. But this was Nick with dangerous drugs coursing through his veins.

In the event Nick managed all of his Ensure and another two glasses of water. Gil reckoned he was just dehydrated from sleeping for so long. He hoped.

At work, Nick was noticeably more tired and when Ecklie stopped by unexpectedly to see him, he then came into Gil's office.

"He looks really tired; do you think he should be at work?"

"Personally? No. But Nick wants to be here and he is functioning so I guess I'll be guided by how he feels. I'm checking his work...he knows...and he's made no errors."

"I wasn't insinuating that he couldn't do the work, merely that it may be too much for him."

"I know. I think that from his point of view it's proving a point...that's he's not that sick and that he can cope. I will have to rely on him to tell me when he's had enough. I don't want to have to lay the law down...I think this is a psychological battle almost as much as a physical one..."

"...he's got guts...there's no denying that but he always has been a strong character behind his smiles and easy going manner."

"Yes. More so than people would ever know. But he's also a realist and I do think that when he can't summon up the energy to come to work he will tell me." Gil hoped he sounded confident because, frankly, he didn't feel it. He thought Nick would try to carry on regardless of his state of health.

"Keep me in the loop, Gil, and if you do need someone to wield the big stick...because you're too close to this...then let me know."

It was on the tip of Gil's tongue to contradict Ecklie but then he realised that he was probably right.

"Thanks Conrad, I appreciate that."

It was two hours later that Nick came into Gil's office and for the first time since they'd discovered the cancer Gil really did think he looked sick.

"Hey, Nick." Gil had to force himself to remain seated and not mention that Nick looked ill.

"Hey, babe. I think it's suddenly caught up...I'm so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open."

"Then don't. Go and sleep...probably the best place is my truck. Come on I'll walk you there."

Nick was so bone weary he didn't have the energy to talk to Gil he merely nodded and smiled and appreciated that Gil was providing a solution. They walked slowly together, Gil letting Nick set the pace which was slow. When they reached the door to the parking lot Nick stumbled and luckily Gil was close enough to catch him and support him.

"Jeez. I don't ever think I've felt so tired." His words were slurred and his voice quiet.

"Just a minute and we'll be there." When they reached the truck Gil propped Nick against the vehicle while he got into the front passenger seat and adjusted it so that it was almost lying flat. He then helped Nick climb up into the seat. "Hold on I've got a blanket in the back." Gil retrieved a rolled up fleece blanket from the back of the truck...he kept it there for emergencies.

He went back to Nick and was surprised to find him still awake. But he looked at Gil and smiled. "Thanks, man."

"You're welcome." He threw the blanket over Nick and Nick caught it and tucked it under his chin.

"Soft." He observed and he did look comfortable. "Love you."

"I love you, Nick. Now sleep. I'll come and check on you every so often but I won't wake you."

"'K. Thanks." He closed his eyes and almost immediately Gil could see his breathing slow to a regular sleeping pattern. He tried to shut the door as quietly as he could but even the noise it did make didn't disturb Nick.

Gil watched him through the window for a few minutes, his heart heavy with worry. But he tried to put it aside. The treatment would be bad, they knew that, but it was the right thing to do. And Ecklie was right; Nick was psychologically strong and he would get through. Gil took a couple of deep breaths and went back to his office...but then thought he'd better go and check the lab where Nick had been working.

Nick had tidied away everything and left two piles of work. One with a post-it note saying, "˜Please put these files in pending', and the other saying, "˜These are for you! Nx'. Nick had known, even in his extreme tiredness that Gil would check to see if his work was okay. Gil smiled and shook his head. He loved Nick. So much that he couldn't even begin to put it into words.

Gil did check-up on Nick three times before his shift ended and each time Nick hadn't moved and was asleep. Gil didn't disturb him.

At the end of his shift he went out and opened his door and got into the truck and Nick moved, stretched and woke up.

"Time is it?"

"Going home time. Seven. How are you feeling?"

"Not so bad. It's not going home time it's hospital time."

Gil looked startled. He had completely forgotten.

"You'd forgotten hadn't you?"

"I had. I can't believe it. I only left work early to take you home not go to the hospital."

"Age."

"Thank you. Do you want to sit up?

"Yeah, might as well. This is the last chemo for four days. So a bit of a rest."

"It is. In truth it seems to be going quite quickly...but then I'm not having the treatment so it's easy for me to say that."

"It is going quick. But it helps with me coming to work...keeps me occupied. Even if I'm tired again can I come in tonight? Was my work okay?"

Gil laughed. "Your work was excellent. No problems at all, you know that." He glanced over at Nick who was smiling. He did know.

When they arrived at the hospital it all seemed so normal. Nick fell asleep while he was having his infusion and Gil spoke to Susan.

"He had to stop work to sleep last night...or early this morning, to be exact. I know it's a normal side effect, but this soon into his treatment?"

"Oh yes. Some patients experience severe fatigue from day one. As long as he rests that's the important thing."

"Yes, he slept...in my truck; but if he insists on coming to work...and I think he will, I'm going to get a camp bed put up in my office and he can sleep there."

"He may insist on being at work for the company, you know. It's a shock to the system; the cancer, the treatment, and he may not like being alone. It can be frightening."

"Good point. I can stay at home with him if it becomes a problem so that isn't an issue."

"Ah, but he might not want you to disrupt your work for him. I think...although I didn't mention it and to be honest it's not a noted side effect, but I notice quite a few of my patients develop a complex about the disruption they cause to the people around them and they feel guilty about the trouble they're causing."

Gil looked at her for a few moments and then nodded. "That will be Nick. I know it."

She smiled. "It might not be, but it's worth being on the lookout for it."

"Thank you, Susan."

"You're welcome. Anytime. I mean that; I'm not here just for the patient you know but for family as well."

When Gil took Nick home and got him into bed he went out onto the deck in the morning sunshine and thought about what Susan had said. He knew that Nick would be a prime candidate for a guilt trip. He just knew it.

***

Gil decided that before he got into bed beside Nick he'd run an errand to the outlets. He'd get a camp bed of some kind and take it to work for the corner of his office. That way Nick could get some rest but Gil could keep an eye on him for most of the time...and if Gil had to leave the lab for any reason he could ask someone else to do the deed. He thought maybe Mandy or Wendy would jump at the chance to oversee a sick Nick.

He left a short note on the bedside table for Nick, in case he woke up but he guessed he wouldn't and off he went on his errand.

He bought a deluxe camp bed and a mattress for it and stored them on the back seat of his truck ready to take to work. He'd use some bedding from home...maybe even Nick's own sleeping bag. That would good...something familiar.

Happy that he'd achieved something he went home and crawled into bed with Nick. Nick complained that Gil was cold, but without really waking up and he proceeded to plaster himself on and against Gil, as normal.

When they got up for work Nick ate a proper meal with Gil and that pleased Gil so much he felt ridiculous about it...it was a meal... But Nick looked so much better for his marathon sleep.

"I bought a camp bed and mattress for my office."

"You're going to sleep in your office?" Nick sounded incredulous.

"No, Nick, you are."

"Me? Oh, I get it. Sorry. Keep me safe in your domain." Nick laughed at his misinterpretation.

"Yes. I thought we can take your sleeping bag and pillow into work and if you get tired you can camp out...I can always use the break room. But better still I can keep my door closed and just my reading light on, on my desk. That'll keep everyone away when they know you're there asleep."

"Okay. Let me get this right. You're going to use your sick young lover to stop people from interrupting you at work?"

"I couldn't have put it better myself." Gil seemed very pleased with himself and smirked.

"Man, you're a case."

"I take the view that I'm maximising an opportunity." He seemed very pleased with himself.

"It's a good job I love you or I could be offended. Pity we've got glass walls in the lab...we could have had a few quickies on my camp bed."

"There are the blinds..."

"...you've given this some thought..."

"...but they don't entirely block out the view from the corridor, or..."

"...have you undertaken a test? With the blinds?"

"Not a thorough one...there were still swaying when I looked through."

"We should test them under laboratory conditions."

"Oh, I agree. But then there is other problem."

"What other problem?"

"Sound."

"You'd need me to be quiet?"

"I would."

"I could try."

"Trying is not an option under the testing conditions it would have to be immediately effective."

"A gag?"

Gil wrinkled his nose. "I don't think I would want to gag you...you have such a pretty mouth."

Nick grinned at Gil across the table. "You reckon we've got time..."

"...all the time in the world."

They were late for work but Gil called Catherine and told her to give out assignments. She wanted to know if Nick was okay.

"He's fine, why shouldn't he be?" Gil was perplexed.

"Hello? Earth to Grissom. He's undergoing chemotherapy."

"Yes, he is, of course." And Gil's very unusual slip-up had Catherine on his tail.

"You old horn dog, you've been at it haven't you?"

"See you later, bye." And Grissom ended the call but not before his ears were burning with embarrassment but he still smirked. The blood loss to his brain was obviously due to his exceptionally big dick.

"Finished my shower. Catherine okay?" Nick shouted to him.

"She's fine. I think we should expect some comments about our sex life when we get to the lab."

"She guessed."

"I'm afraid so."

"Good job she can't smell you...man, you reek of sex." He kissed Gil on the mouth, quite sloppily and then pulled back. "We got time for..."

"Why not?" And Gil pulled Nick back to him to continue their kiss and he fondled his damp ass cheeks while rutting his growing dick against Nick's own dick...

On their way to the lab, Nick was yawning and Gil was joining in. "Hell, I'm so tired I think I'll go straight onto the camp bed."

"If you bed down I'll sleep in my chair with the lights off and the blinds closed...do you think I could get away with it?"

"Probably. Sick lover and all." He grinned.

"But with Catherine banging on the door."

"That's true."

In the event it was Warrick who mentioned it as they made their way along the corridor to Gil's office, carrying the folded up camping cot and the bedding for it. "Hey you guys, there's a rumour going around that you were otherwise engaged and couldn't get to work in time."

"Don't know where that came from, do you Gil?"

"No idea. We were going to try it out at work anyway...we have the cot and the bedding...I can close the blinds..." Gil was being extremely serious.

"What? Nooo...I don't want to know...dudes, I got work to do." He sauntered off muttering to himself and Nick and Gil laughed.

"One down and half a dozen to go." Gil winked at Nick.

It only took a few minutes to get the camping equipment up and running and Nick lay down on it and stretched out.

"Hell, if this ain't as comfortable as our bed. Wake me up when it's time to go home."

"Okay..."

"...hey, I'm joking. I'm okay to work...for now at least. Don't let me catch you using the facilities either. It's mine." He got up and patted down the sleeping bag and straightened his pillow. "Yeah...good job this, Grissom." He laughed as he left the office and Gil watched him go; his heart a little lighter than it had been.

Nick worked the whole shift but Gil insisted on leaving right on time despite a triple murder coming in...he left it with Catherine and the team. No one was complaining at all. They all knew that Gil and Nick would do the same for them.

In the truck going home Nick was very tired but spoke. "You know I feel really okay...really. That terrible tiredness, fatigue, seems to have gone...I mean I am tired but not like I was and I've worked all night."

"And you look okay. You did look tired, drained, before. Ecklie said so, too."

"Did he? He's being real good about it all."

"He is. I underestimated him. I suppose we all think, "˜it could happen to me'."

"You never think it's going to happen to you. But it has and I'm coping but that's because I've got you. Everyone else is single...Catherine's got Lindsey, but that's not the same is it? I mean I have you to lean on, to take care of me. It means a lot, babe."

"I wouldn't want it any other way...except I would rather it was me who was sick...you know that. But taking care of you...doing the best I can is all I can do and I hope I don't come up short."

"Never. If one of us had to get sick I'm glad it was me because I think it works better this way round...you understand? You taking care of me...looking after me. I would do the same for you, of course I would, but this is like the...I don't know...the natural order of things. Do you understand?"

"I think I do but if I'm honest with you, sweetheart, I think if it was me we would still just fall into the same roles for each other. Like a well-oiled machine."

"Working as one?"

"That's it." Gil laughed. "We're home. I've got a hankering for a curry. What about you?"

"Good idea...we've got some in the freezer. Chicken I think."

"Chicken it is. Rice? Naan?"

"Both. We'll sit out on the deck."

"Curry at eight in the morning."

"Nothing better."

***

Nick was fine at work for the next few days. He was tired after a shift's work but he didn't need to sleep at work. He didn't feel nauseous and was eating well; they went out to a movie and had an Italian meal the night before he was due his bleomycin injection that heralded the half way stage. One complete treatment cycle finished and one more to go.

The injection took a few minutes and then they were on their way home again.

"Do the outlets open at eight?" Nick wanted to know.

"I think they do, yes."

"Then let's go...we can have a breakfast and then do some shopping...I want some new sneakers and you need some new work pants."

"I do not."

"You do. The ass of the pair you've got on is shiny...that's from spending too much time sitting on it."

Gil frowned. "They're nearly new. That's substandard fabric."

"Man! They must be two years old at least...and you wash and wear them continuously with your other pants...that's good quality. You need another two pairs."

"Really? I've had them that long. My life is flashing past. I might as well get a few shirts too."

"You should try navy or black for a change."

"I always have...oh, very funny." He caught Nick's smirk.

"Why don't you be really controversial and have pale blue...or pink...be proud to be gay."

"Nick, can you imagine, for one moment, the trouble I would cause in the lab if I turned up wearing pink?"

"Yeah...it would be great." Nick laughed.

"Forgive me if I don't share your enthusiasm. There would be no work done for days on end while they talked about it and dissected the reasoning and they would fall into two camps. Those who loved it and thought I was moving with the times and the traditionalists...led by Hodges, naturally, who would bemoan the fact that things were changing...and not for the better."

Nick was chuckling as Gil described exactly what would happen. "Who would lead the other faction? Catherine?"

"More than likely. No, I'm a black pants and dark polo shirt kind of stick-in-the-mud guy and intend to stay that way."

"Okay. Maybe you could get some jazzy boxer shorts instead...and then I would know that under the boring pants your dick and balls would be...cocooned, or should that be cock-cooned..." He chuckled some more. "...in pink, or fluorescent green silk boxers?"

"Floures...please, Nicky, don't." Gil was frowning as he manoeuvred across traffic to get in the right lane for the outlets.

"You wear silk in the winter."

"Yes. Blue...and..."

"Blue. You need to experiment and try something different."

"I do?" Gil looked sceptical.

"You do. What are you having for breakfast?"

Gil was relieved at the change of subject, although he knew that once they got into the stores Nick would be in charge of whatever he bought. Apart from his work clothes where he would put his foot down...gently. "I don't know. Pancakes?"

"Yeah! Blueberry. Good choice."

They shared a stack and had juice and coffee, sitting outside. There were very few people around, maybe just staff from the stores getting their early morning caffeine, and they sat in the warm sunshine chatting about a case for which Nick had been compiling the evidence.

"Now sneakers...Reebok or Nike? What do you reckon?"

"I reckon...you'll try on every Reebok in several outlets and then buy the first pair of Nike's you try on. Usual case scenario...and you have the chops to call me on my work pants and shirts." Gil smirked.

"At least I try something different." Nick laughed since he knew that when push came to shove he was just as bad as Gil.

"Are you ready to inflict yourself on the poor staff?"

"Sure am, cowboy. Your clothes first?"

"Okay...there's a sale on over there." Gil pointed to the Jaeger outlet.

"You're going to buy Jaeger? I'm impressed." Nick looked it too.

"If they have what I want...and it's in the sale."

He bought two pairs of charcoal grey pants...but Nick thought you'd need a microscope to determine that they weren't black. But they were half price minus fifteen percent. Nick made Gil try on both pairs and made him wonder the store around to see how they looked. But Gil had to escape to the fitting room when Nick whispered that it was because he wanted to see if he could detect the outline of his cock through the material. In that moment he could.

Their next venue was Ralph Lauren and Gil bought four polo shirts, complete with logo, in navy, navy, navy and mid grey because they'd run out of navy blue in his size. He also bought a new belt...all with a sixty percent discount.

In the Sports shop Nick tried on three pairs of sneakers and Gil was wondering around looking at various sports items when Nick came up behind him.

"I want to go home."

"Have you found some..." Gil spoke as he turned around and when he saw Nick he stopped speaking and nodded.

He ushered Nick out of the shop and pointed him in the direction of the car lot, his hand in the small of his back. Nick looked ashen; it seemed to Gil that in just a few moments Nick had gone from looking great and seemingly upbeat...to sick.

Nick suddenly stopped and bent over. "Not going to make it..." He looked mortified and looked around, saw a trash can...moved over to it and flung the lid off just as he vomited into it. Gil dumped his bags and stood beside him holding him across his back as Nick heaved and vomited for what seemed like hours but was probably a few minutes.

Gil heard a kid squeal behind him. "Mom, that man's throwing up in the trash." Gil looked around and threw both mother and child a filthy look and the mother grabbed the child's hand and scurried off but then just as Nick seemed to have quietened down a little two security guards came up to them.

"What's wrong?"

"My partner's sick. He's had chemotherapy this morning and it's suddenly made him ill. He was okay a few minutes ago. If you can find me a new trash sack, I'll change it."

"The guy has cancer?" On the word "˜cancer' the guard dropped his voice dramatically.

"Yes...well, no, we hope it's all been taken away but he's having two cycles of chemo." Gil was going for the sympathy vote and winning judging by their looks and concern.

"Don't you worry, Sir, we'll get a janitor, they've got all the right cleaning tools for the job. Would some water be good?"

"Nick? Do you want some water?"

Nick was still holding on to the side of the trash can for dear life, but nodded. "I need to sit down, before I fall down." He whispered, although his voice was harsh and ragged.

"Stay there, I'll get a seat." One of the guards dashed into the nearest shop and came out almost immediately with an office type chair. He pushed it against the wall in the shade and Gil helped Nick sit down. The other guard had wondered off but returned with a small bottle of water. Nick took it and tried a smile; he also tried to open the bottle but couldn't; his strength had gone. Gil took it from him and loosened the cap.

"Thanks." He took a few sips. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you can't help it, it's the treatment."

"It came on so suddenly." He took another couple of sips. "I want to go home."

"I know you do. Hold on." The guards had dropped back to the opposite side of the mall. Gil got up from his crouching position by Nick. "Excuse me." They looked over. "Is there any chance you could find a wheelchair to help get Nick to my truck? He's completely wiped out."

"We can look. There's a medical evacuation chair, would that be okay?"

"Yes, that would be good." Gil knew that Nick would hate it, but it was better than walking.

A few minutes later they were back with the chair and a janitor.

"Thank you. Come on, Nick." Without being asked one of guards took Nick's arm opposite to Gil and the other one helped to position him on the chair. He had to be strapped on and Gil had half expected Nick to protest but was saddened when he didn't. He knew then how sick he must be feeling. Although he did look a little better than he had just before he'd vomited.

Gil then spoke to the cleaner. "The vomit isn't toxic on any way...it's the result of his treatment not an illness."

"Don't you worry about that...I've seen much worse over the years and that's no lie."

They started to walk towards the truck and Gil directed them to the right car lot...luckily they were at the front because of their early arrival. They'd gone a few steps when the janitor called after them.

"You forget your purchases?"

"Yes." Gil went back for the bags and the guards had assumed chair duties. They pushed Nick the rest of the way to the truck and even helped him up into it.

His whispered his thanks but Gil was more effusive. "I cannot thank you enough for your help. You saved the day, you really did."

"You're welcome. Beats chasing down thieves. Now you take care of him."

"I will. Thank you."

Nick didn't speak when Gil got into the truck and minutes into the journey he was asleep and looked relaxed and better. Gil woke him when he parked up on their driveway.

"Can you manage to get in the house?" Gil thought he might have to call someone to help out if he couldn't manhandle him into the house.

"I feel better...honest. But I'm wiped out."

"Come on then let's get you into bed." Gil helped him and held him but he was a little stronger than he'd been at the mall so it wasn't difficult.

He walked him directly to their bedroom and helped his undress. "You should try to drink something, is there anything you think you could drink?"

"Apple juice."

"Good, I'll go get one for you. Don't go away." He added and smiled and kissed the end of Nick's nose. He was quick and Nick hadn't moved a muscle. He took the carton of juice and sipped it until it was all gone.

"Do you want another one?" Nick shook his head.

"I need a wash, I can smell sick and I need to clean my teeth and take a piss."

"That's a busy schedule." Nick pushed himself up and with Gil hovering around him he made his way to their bathroom and a few minutes later he made his way back and got under the comforter.

"What are you going to do?"

"Write an e-mail to the manager of the mall to praise the guards and janitor. They were just what we needed."

"Yeah. Okay. Going to sleep now."

"Okay. I hope you feel better when you wake."

"I will." Gil sat on the side of the bed and stroked his cheek and then kissed his hair. He thought he was asleep so got up and left him but just as he was leaving the bedroom Nick spoke quite clearly.

"Don't forget to put your new pants and shirts on hangers. The creases will drop out."

***

Gil had chuckled; Nick issuing instructions from his sick bed. But orders were orders and he went straight to the truck and retrieved his pants and shirts. He used hangers from the wardrobe in their spare bedroom to save disturbing Nick and he removed the tags and hung up his new clothes.

He found the contact details of the manager of the mall, on-line, and e-mailed her to put his thanks on record for the help of her staff.

He stayed in the den to do some work on his latest article. It was finished...he just needed to check it through and change a word here and there. He checked on Nick regularly and he was sleeping soundly each time.

When it was time for him to go to bed, he took a quick shower and then slipped into bed and spooned behind Nick. Nick wriggled back into him but didn't appear to wake up; Gil thought about the reaction he'd had to his final injection of the first round. Such reactions were well documented and he guessed it could have been worse; Susan had given him a steroid injection but not an anti-emetic drug. He hadn't had the shivering this time but Gil supposed the reaction could be from the accumulated infusions of all the drugs over the last three weeks.

But it had hurt Gil to be a witness to it and he sighed as he settled down to sleep. Four weeks left. One week's rest and then the same schedule again. They'd get through it, like everything else...together.

Gil woke up when the alarm sounded which was quite unusual for him...he usually beat it and although Nick woke up with him he said he was staying in bed a little longer. He said he didn't feel sick...just tired.

"Are you thirsty or hungry?"

"I could drink something...don't know what."

"Hot or cold?"

"Hot, I think...but not tea or coffee...I don't know."

"How about tea without milk...maybe a slice of lemon?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I could try."

"I'll go get it."

"Sorry, babe, I'm being a real pain in the ass."

"The only time you're a pain in the ass is when your cock is up mine...so quit being sorry."

Nick smiled. "Okay."

Gil made Nick his tea and took it into him, his eyes were closed and Gil thought he was asleep again but he opened them as Gil reached his bedside.

"I've never been one to lie in bed...when I'm awake I get up, you know me...but it's nice just to lie here warm and relaxed."

"Then stay...there's no need to get up..."

"...I'm going to work, I'm not staying home alone. I'm not sick; I'm tired, is all."

Gil retreated immediately since Nick has spoken quite forcibly. "No problem. If you get tired the cot's in my office."

"Yeah, it is. Good idea that, Dr Grissom."

"I thought so. I'm going to get something to eat do you want anything?"

"I don't think I could."

"Would you try an Ensure? You can try sipping it...there's no time constraints on finishing it."

"Okay, I'll try."

"Good job. Flavour?"

"Surprise me."

"I can do that." Gil left and made himself some breakfast and ate it before he took the Ensure into Nick. Strawberry is what he had before so Gil tried that.

"You finished your tea. That's good; it's important to get fluids inside you."

"I know. I know. It was okay though, with the lemon."

"I'm going to shower or do you want the first one?"

"Can we go together?"

"I'd like nothing better."

"Don't get any ideas; I think I've got limp dick syndrome."

"Then I'll be limp with you." In truth sex was about the last thing Gil wanted. His worry about Nick was overriding everything.

He helped Nick up from the bed and was very suddenly struck at how frail Nick looked. He must have frowned because Nick picked it up.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire."

Gil knew he'd been caught out and nodded. "You seem to have lost weight...suddenly. I didn't notice until...now."

"I weighed myself yesterday...I've lost nine pounds. But I haven't worked out for over a month and I'm losing my toned muscles." He pulled his arm up to examine his bicep. "Won't take me long to get back in shape once I can start training again."

Gil smiled. "No, it won't. Let's get in the shower, wake us both up."

Gil washed Nick down; the only thing Nick washed was his hair. But it made Gil very happy to be able to connect with his lover in this way. Care for him. Show him his love for him. When he got out of the shower, Gil wrapped him in a towel and gave his hair a rub with another towel. Then used the same towel on his own hair. Nick grinned.

"I could get used to being this spoiled."

"Ha! When you've recovered I'll expect payback."

"I can scrub your back. No sweat."

"I'll remember all these promises."

"I know you will." Nick rubbed himself dry but Gil noticed that it was laborious process. It seemed ironic that the first treatment was over and he had a rest for a week, only for the side effects to kick in. But, according to what they'd read and what Susan had told them, these effects started the same day as the treatment for some people, so Nick wasn't doing too badly.

"Can I take the Ensure to work and try drinking it later?" Nick asked in a quiet voice.

"Of course you can, but you must drink some more. You must keep hydrated, Susan said how important that was."

"I know. I could drink an apple juice."

"Good. I'll get it now."

Nick smiled as Gil walked out stark naked to get him his juice. Thank God he had Gil; what would he do without him? Tears sprung to his eyes at the thought of having to face this alone. He splashed some cold water on his face and then stared at himself in the mirror over the sink. Even in his eyes he seemed to have diminished in the last twenty four hours. He'd enjoyed his breakfast and the shopping and it had all come over him in seconds. Fuck cancer. Fucking fuck it. He hated it all. The cancer, being sick. Being dependent...even on Gil.

"Here, you go. It's the last apple juice so we'll stop at the store on the way into work for some more, if it's your preferred flavour. You okay?" Gil's brow wrinkled in a frown as he could see Nick was upset.

"Just feeling sorry for myself. It happened so quick, this morning."

"It's the name of the game."

Nick took the drink from Gil and started drinking it; Gil was right it was his preferred drink...for whatever reason. Weird how things tasted to him. He didn't think he'd be able to get the Ensure down his throat but he wouldn't tell Gil that straight away. But he must drink, he knew that.

By the time they'd made it to work, Nick wasn't even sure he could walk from the truck to the lab. But he was damned if he was going to let a little thing like that stop him. With a supreme effort he managed; he wasn't sure if he'd fooled Gil but he'd fooled himself...for a few minutes at least.

As they walked along the corridor he knew he was almost shuffling rather than walking and that Gil had fallen into step beside him.

"I don't think I'll make it to the evidence room."

"No."

"Think I'll have to rest up in your office before I start work." He didn't know who he was kidding, himself or Gil.

"Yes."

"You knew didn't you?"

"I guessed."

"It's not like I'm sleepy...I don't think I want to sleep; I'm just exhausted and need to rest."

"Then that's what you can do."

"And you'll keep an eye on me?"

"For as long as it takes, Nick; for as long as it takes."

He took off his shoes and settled down on the cot, but not before Gil had made him drink another apple juice from their new supplies. He was asleep in seconds as Gil had thought he would be. He was secretly...or not so secretly...pleased that Nick had made the decision himself. He'd known he wouldn't be able to work when they were in the shower and all of Nick's energy had been used up just washing his hair but he'd wanted Nick to realise so that he didn't have to tell him...order him...to rest.

Gil typed a note out on his computer and printed it and then taped it to his door. "˜Nick's asleep, please be quiet'. Catherine walked past and saw it and came into the office taking a good look at Nick's sleeping figure.

"It's caught up with him?" She whispered to Gil.

"With a vengeance. This morning he had his last injection of the first cycle; he was fine for a couple of hours and then..." he threw bi hands up in the air.

"It's good that you can keep an eye on him here."

"If he gets really bad, then I'll stay at home with him."

"We'll all rally round, you know that."

"I do; thanks Catherine. Here are the assignments do you want to give them out?"

"Will do. Chance to give myself an easy shift." She smiled and Gil knew she was joking; she always preferred the complex cases. She turned to leave and then came back to Gil's desk. "You know I'm surprised his family haven't overrun Vegas. He's got five sisters hasn't he?"

"Yes. They don't know. He hasn't told them and I'm forbidden to say anything. He mostly keeps in touch by e-mail so no one is the wiser about his condition."

Catherine didn't speak but her mouth formed a round "˜O'. She turned and looked at Nick and then back at Gil. "There'll be hell to pay when they do find out."

Gil nodded. "There will. But he's adamant, but then he does know them better than I do, so I must keep his confidence."

"I don't know whether I could do that." She held the assignment slips up. "Must go. See you later."

Gil worked well. He felt easier with Nick in his office where he could keep an eye on him and it seemed that everyone was giving him a wide berth, consequently he was getting a lot of the paper work done. He looked at his watch and realised that he'd been working solidly for three hours...it must be a record, he thought. He needed to take a leak and get a coffee and then he would wake up Nick. He really hadn't drunk enough for his liking after his vomiting episode and he'd had nothing at all to eat.

He used the bathroom, got himself a coffee and a bottle of cold water from the fridge and went back to his office. He smiled at Nick's sleeping form. Sleeping beauty. He crouched down beside the bed and kissed Nick gently on the lips. He could see Nick dragging himself awake.

"I've slept again? How long?" He yawned and stretched.

"About three hours. I'm sorry to wake you but you must drink, Nick. I've brought you a bottled water, see if you can drink it all, will you? Please?"

"I am thirsty. Got a bit of a headache too...that could be dehydration, couldn't it?"

"Yes."

He sat up and swung his legs to the ground. "I'll see if I can drink it all. Five hundred mils?"

"It is, but don't gulp it down try and sip it."

"Okay." He smiled and Gil was sure he looked better than he had earlier.

By the time Gil had drunk his mug of coffee Nick had managed to drink the whole bottle of water. "I need a piss now. I do feel better. I might even be hungry. Don't know, I'll think about it." He smiled at Gil and waved as he left the office and Gil felt confident enough in his recovery to let him go on his own.

When he came back he smiled at Gil. "Garlic bread."

"Garlic bread? That's what you want to eat?" Gil was bemused but if that's what he wanted.

"Just what the doctor ordered."

"Okay. I'll call that Pizza place we use. Joey's?"

"Yeah, I can do it, the number's on the notice board in the break room. Do you want anything?"

"I'm okay. I've got sandwiches."

"Well don't get stealing my stuff."

"I won't, I promise. You look a lot better."

"I feel it." He left Gil alone and he sat back in his chair, took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. This was going to be a roller-coaster ride for the next few weeks. But they'd get through it, he was certain. But one thing was for sure: he hoped he wasn't in the vicinity when Jillian Stokes found out.

Nick didn't do any work but drank some more water, read a journal that Gil had and waited for his garlic bread. He'd actually ordered a garlic pizza and was looking forward to it. When it was delivered he and Gil sat in the break room and Gil did have a slice as Nick had predicted. Nick only managed three slices before he was full but he enjoyed them; he put the left overs in the fridge and they went back to the office. He sat in a chair, reading, for the rest of the shift and felt okay after the worst day of his treatment. So far.

When they got home they watched a baseball game and Nick ate a bowl of cereal and drank water and an apple juice. Gil felt a lot easier. When they finally went to bed they enjoyed a slow sensuous love making session and Gil mused at their recovery. Sex had been off the agenda entirely not twelve hours previously and now it was back and just as great as it usually was.

Nick was snuggled, relaxed, against Gil when his body suddenly stiffened.

"What did you do with your new clothes, I haven't seen them?"

"Hanging in the spare bedroom...I got them out of the truck as soon as you issued your instructions."

"Good job, Grissom." And he relaxed again and Gil chuckled but then he thought he might try a little experiment while he was so happy and relaxed.

"Nick, are you still sure you don't want to tell your family?"

"I know what you're up to...trying to catch me when I'm happy and relaxed and get me to change my mind." Gil had to laugh that Nick had used the exact same words that Gil had thought.

"Just testing the waters."

"Yeah, well. When I'm good and ready I might...might...tell them. Okay?"

"That's told me. Night, sweetheart; I love you."

"Yeah, love you. Good sex, eh?"

"Great sex."

"Yeah."

***

Nick worked for the rest of the week for at least half a shift each night before having to rest. Sometimes he did just rest and read a book that he'd brought into work and other times he bedded down on the cot in Gil's office. They were saving up their rest days to take when Nick started his treatment again. He could properly rest then, Gil suspected that he would be a lot worse before he got well again...the second time around but didn't share that thought with Nick.

"God only knows what I'm going to do when I'm better. I'll still expect to come and have a sleep whenever I feel like it."

"Really? Is that what you think?" Gil smirked.

"You're not going to let me are you? Capitalise on my sickness."

"I think it's very unlikely. Although I will give you some leeway when you've finished your treatments but are still on the mend...maybe a shift...or two."

"Wow, you're so kind. A whole shift to recuperate. Do you know who you remind me of?"

"Your supervisor?" Gil's eyebrows rose and he sat back in his chair and took off his glasses to look over at Nick.

"No, my Mom. Being sick wasn't allowed and malingering...and for that you should interpret it as recuperating...was not tolerated. If any of us could actually get out of bed, then we were well enough for school. The school nurse once wrote a note to Mom telling her to keep me off school because I had a really bad cold and cough. You know what Mom did?"

"She was embarrassed into keeping you at home?"

"No way, Jose. She sent me back to school the very next day with a note for the nurse saying since I'd picked the illness up at school, then all my class mates had already been exposed to the germs." Nick chuckled but it was certainly tinged with irony. "It wasn't the fact that the germs were already in the school, it was because I was so sick. Running a temp - coughing "˜til I threw up and I fell asleep at my desk because I wasn't getting much sleep because of the cough."

Suddenly Gil understood everything. It wasn't that he didn't want his mother and his family to know he was sick but that they wouldn't treat him as being sick. Denigrate his illness and expect him to get on with it and not complain.

"So what happened?"

"The nurse let me stay in the sick room...she wasn't supposed to do that I don't think, but...and this is in retrospect...she thought she couldn't win a battle with my mother. No one can...not even Dad."

Gil fought a strong urge to get up and go and hug him right there and then but thought it would wait until they were home, away from prying eyes.

"I had almost the opposite happen. I loved school...really loved it and hated having to stay home if I was sick. My Mom liked looking after me...because, generally speaking, I was very independent from an early age and didn't want babying... But that was her fault and Dad's, because they always treated me like a little adult rather than a child."

Nick laughed. "A mini Gil Grissom. Hell, I bet you were cute!"

"My mother thought so." Gil smirked.

"So do I, babe..."

Warrick had walked in at that precise moment.

"Dude? You call Gris, babe?"

"And cute." Nick added for maximum effect.

"That is so wrong on so many levels. I've forgotten why I came to see...oh yeah, man. The bullets are a match; Brass is getting a warrant as we speak."

"Good. Some good work there, Warrick."

"We're a team." He smirked and pointed a finger at Nick as he went out and Nick knew he'd be teased at some later date by Warrick with his new found knowledge.

But Nick also felt another emotion. Jealousy. Even since they'd become a couple he couldn't ever recall Gil saying he'd done some good work. He would say the team was good but never as an individual and for about the millionth time he wondered if Gil really thought Warrick...and Sara, of course, were better than him. He didn't want to over-think the matter, because after all he did share Gil's bed and that was a significant coup...especially over Sara. But it still hurt. He was aware that Gil had spoken to him.

"Sorry. Miles away."

"I know, I said, a penny for them?"

"Nothing."

"And what did you say to me when I said that...liar, liar?"

"Yeah, I did." But Nick wasn't going to say anything; he got up from the chair and he went and lay down on the cot.

Gil knew he'd been dismissed for whatever reason. He didn't pursue it and instead thought some more about Mother Stokes. Nick had had a happy childhood, he knew that, but sometimes, like today, a little cloud passed over his horizon and a not so happy memory surfaced.

Nick didn't mention anything to Gil about his jealous thoughts and Gil didn't ask.

They worked the night before the start of the next, and last, cycle of chemotherapy began. Susan welcomed them both and asked about how Nick had been.

They spoke together.

Nick said. "Okay."

Gil said. "Sick."

She smiled. "Okay, one of you is wrong and I bet it's Nick. Am I right?"

"Yeah." He admitted. "I was real sick after that last injection...started a couple of hours after and it left me very weak."

"And..." She wanted a more detailed description.

"Not much. I slept and rested. Gil made me drink plenty and I did start eating again the day after so..."

"You recovered?"

"Yeah. I'm okay."

"Gil?" She was asking for confirmation.

"He's told you pretty much as it was. He was very weak for a couple of days but has gradually got better. It seems to me that it's the Bleomycin that causes most problems."

"It's the combination of the drugs building up in your system; remember that they are dangerous and toxic drugs. You've lost weight, too." It wasn't a question but an observation.

"Thirteen pounds. But a lot of that is muscle...I'm not working out. And that's from when I had the op not started the chemo."

"I think you should expect some more weight loss but it's not too bad. Try to keep hydrated all the time even if you can't eat too well...it's dehydration that can and will cause major problems."

"Gil's waking me up to make me drink."

"Good. I can see you're being well looked after. We need to do a quick blood test for your white blood cell count; it will only take a few minutes; we have the tech here in the suite." She took a blood sample and went off for about fifteen minutes. She came back with all the infusion paraphernalia. "Your white cell count is in the low range of normal so good enough to go on with the treatment. I'll warn you that since you have had some side effects it will very probably mean you will continue to get them and they will get worse before you get better. But we'll keep you on the other drugs to help minimise the problems."

"Okay. I understand." Nick did fully understand but it depressed him to have her spell it out to him. But...he'd deal...

His first treatment was okay with no repercussions. But the second treatment with the Bleomycin made him sick and gave him the shivers just as he'd already experienced. It was harder to keep fluids down and at his third treatment, Gil told Susan. She checked him and decided to run a bag of fluids after his chemotherapy treatment. It meant staying for an extra hour but Gil was pleased because he did worry. Nick slept through most of it and Gil spoke to Susan.

"He is worse this time."

"I know, but it will be worth it in the end. Three more infusions then a few rest days...it'll soon be over. Are you okay?"

"Me? Yes, just worried."

"He's young and strong, he'll be fine in a couple of months, mark my words."

"I know he will...I just...hate seeing him suffer. I wish it was me."

"And he's happy that it isn't you. You can't win. Just take it a day at a time and you'll both be fine." She gave his arm a reassuring rub. He smiled and nodded at her although not entirely convinced by her pep talk.

When the treatment was finished they headed for the truck but Nick was walking noticeably slower. It was an effort.

"You wait by the door and I'll get the truck."

"No, I'm okay. The exercise won't do me any harm. Don't wrap me up...I'm not really sick."

"I know, but..."

"Leave it...just let's get to the truck."

It was the very first time since the discovery of the cancer that Nick had been bad tempered with Gil and he would be lying to himself if he thought it hadn't stung. He took some deep breaths as he walked beside Nick and told himself not to be so fucking sensitive. Nick was undergoing treatment that was unpleasant and relentless and if he wanted to be in a bad mood then he was perfectly entitled.

But it was so out of character. And it got worse.

He went straight to bed when they got home and when Gil got him an apple juice to drink before he slept he snapped.

"I am sick and tired of apple fucking juice, haven't you got any fucking imagination? I don't need anything anyway...she gave me a bag of fluids."

Gil tried reasoning. "I thought apple juice was your favourite, but there are other flavours I can get you...you should drink something despite the extra fluids."

Nick shouted. It was such an unusual occurrence that Gil physically jumped at his words. "I don't want a fucking drink; I want to go to sleep. Do you understand? Sleep." Gil tried to remain calm but his innards were churning and his heart thumping.

The physical effort of shouting clearly took its toll and he slumped onto the bed. He started to undress and managed to get off his shoes but he could hardly summon the strength to pull his tee shirt over his head.

"Here, let me pull that."

"Leave me alone...for fuck's sake leave me alone, haven't you got work to do...go away. Leave me alone." Nick was plainly exhausted and instead of taking off his clothes he just lay back on the bed and pulled the bedding up over him. Gil stood there helpless and he actually thought he was going to weep. With a superhuman effort, he retreated and left the bedroom. He made his way to the kitchen and sat at the table with his head in his hands. It was the illness he knew that. Cancer and the drugs.

He eventually calmed down enough to put on a coffee pot and went out onto the deck to get some fresh air. No one ever mentioned the emotional strain of cancer. All the forums he'd googled seemed to talk about everything with positivity...but it wasn't like that. It was relentless. It was insidious. Changing someone's basic character because poisons were flooding their system; killing cancer with drugs that could kill you on their own with no help whatsoever from the cancer.

God almighty. Gil looked up at the bright blue morning sky. What on earth was he thinking? It wasn't a losing situation it was a winning situation. Nick's operation had been a complete success and this chemotherapy was a virtual guarantee of a complete recovery. He would remain cancer free. In the meantime he should be supportive and kind and not be over-sensitive and upset at a few words uttered by a man under duress.

He put down his mug on the table and went back indoors and up to their bedroom. Nick wasn't asleep he was sobbing into his pillow.

"Nick, Nick, I'm so sorry. My love. Sweetheart. It'll be over soon."

Between sobbing Nick was trying to speak but was unintelligible.

"Don't try to speak. It's okay, I'm here." Gil got onto the bed behind Nick and held him. Gradually he calmed down. Gil reckoned he must have been crying for quite a long time and it was difficult to get himself under control. Eventually Gil could make out was he was saying.

"I feel so bad. Sick and tired."

"I know. I wish I could help. Do you want a drink?"

He nodded. "Tea with lemon like before."

"Good idea. Is it okay for me to leave you to go and make it?"

"Yeah. Can you help me take off my clothes first?"

"Sure, come on." Gil got off the bed and pulled Nick up to a sitting position and manoeuvred his tee shirt off and then his pants and socks. "I'll go and get your tea. Okay?"

Nick nodded; he still had tears streaming down his face and reached for some tissues on the bedside table. "I'm sorry." He looked so forlorn and exhausted.

"Don't be, it's me, you know I don't do caring very well."

"You do caring just fine." He blew his nose. "Gil?"

"Yes?"

"Will you do me a favour?" Just that question had caused Nick to start sobbing again.

"Anything, my love, anything." But Gil wondered what could cause Nick to be so upset; it suddenly crossed his mind that Nick wanted to stop the chemo...

***

It took some minutes for Nick to calm down enough to be able to ask Gil his favour. Gil sat on the bed cradling Nick against him and stroking his hair.

"Will you tell Mom? Please? For me?"

"If that's what you want me to do, then I will." Gil didn't hesitate in replying to Nick

But there were some issues about it that concerned him. In some ways Gil was immediately relieved; he didn't feel comfortable keeping such information secret from Nick's family but he also remembered what Nick had told him about his mother. Would she be sympathetic...was Nick right in his first assessment of the situation and would it actually be better for him if she wasn't told until he was well again?

And then there was the fact that he would be breaking the bad news to her. They certainly weren't enemies but whenever Gil had met Nick's parents he always felt the weight of their disappointment. Whether it was because their youngest son was gay, or that he had chosen a man many years older, he wasn't sure but he thought it was probably a little of both.

But Gil had promised Nick he would do anything for him...and he would.

"You want your Mom to know? Do you want her to come and visit you?" A thought struck Gil as he asked that question. Maybe Nick wanted to back to his home in Texas. To fight his fight with his real family around him.

Having asked Gil the question Nick was now much calmer. "I don't think I want her here, really. But if she wants to come..."

That was it. Nick was testing her to see if cancer was serious enough for him to skip school. And that was why Nick had insisted on coming to work all the time...even if he was too sick to actually work. Jesus, Gil thought, the woman had a lot to answer for. She'd certainly screwed with Nick's mind and even if he wasn't consciously aware of it, she'd planted the seeds when he was a small boy.

"I'll go and do it now. I'll do it in the den, I want you to rest now...do you still want a drink of tea?"

"Yes, please, a lemon tea."

"I'll go and get it. I love you, Nicky, my sweetheart. I'll always take care of you, I promise."

"I know you will. I'm sorry I was so..."

"...don't be sorry. You're really sick; you're being pumped full of powerful drugs, I think you've been so brave to face it all with such stoicism. I think I would have been ranting and raving at anybody and everybody."

"Nah...you wouldn't babe, because you wouldn't have the energy, believe me."

"There is that. Let me get you that drink and then you can try and sleep."

"'K."

Gil got up from the bed and noticed his hand was covered in hair. Nick's hair had started to fall out. He would tell him later and he could shave it off...hopefully it wouldn't be too bad for him since he was used his buzz cut, but then that was undertaken voluntarily and this fucking wasn't.

Gil made himself a tea as well as Nick and drank it with Nick and then stayed with him until he was sleeping. Gil said nothing about his hair and Nick never mentioned his mother or his family.

Gil couldn't remember being so nervous for a long time...maybe the last time was the first date he'd had with Nick. He sat in the den and thought that having a brandy would be a good idea. But he didn't get up; he sat there for another couple of minutes and then called Nick's family home but there was no reply. He didn't want to use her cell phone because he didn't know where she was but he had no choice; he didn't want this to be hanging around and still not done when Nick woke up.

He called the number and a few moments later her Texan drawl was saying, "˜Hello'; Gil fought a very strong urge to hang up, instead he spoke.

"Jill, it's Gil."

"Something's wrong with Nick." Gil wasn't surprised by her speedy assumption since he'd never called her before.

"Yes. Nick is pretty sick, Jill..."

"...what's wrong?"

"He has cancer...testicular cancer."

"Oh my God. Oh my God."

"He's..." Gil started but Jill interrupted.

"When's he having his operation and starting treatment? The quicker the better. Does his insurance cover him?"

Gil thought they were reasonable questions but she was in for something of a shock. "He had his operation to remove his right testis five weeks ago..."

"...what do you mean, he's had his operation already...weeks ago, why weren't we told?"

"He didn't want to worry you..."

"...don't be ridiculous, I'm his mother it's my place to worry. Did you persuade him not to tell us?"

There is was. Confirmation, in his opinion, that they were unhappy with Nick's life choices. He took a deep breath and spoke calmly, although calm was just about the last thing he felt.

"Nick chose not to tell you." He could have said so much more but deliberately reined himself in.

"So what's changed?" Her voice was a cold as ice.

"He came home from having his chemotherapy today and asked me, quite suddenly, to call you and tell you. I do not know why he changed his mind." And I wish he fucking hadn't, Gil left his thought unsaid.

"Let me speak to him."

"No. You can't, he's asleep at the moment; he's finding the treatment very hard going."

"I think you should wake him up so I can speak to him to see if he is alright."

"I am not going to wake him and he doesn't want to speak to you, or he would have called you himself. And he's not alright, I can tell you that, he's a few days into his second chemotherapy treatment. He's lost weight, suffered nausea and extreme fatigue and now his hair is falling out...he needs all the rest he can get."

It was if Jillian Stokes had suddenly deflated. "He's really sick, then?"

"He has cancer. Is that sick enough for you?" Gil couldn't resist it.

"I'll come and see him..."

"...please don't...I mean..." Gil thought he'd better try and soften the blow since he didn't want her just dropping in uninvited and unexpectedly. "...when Nick feels able to speak to you I'll get him to call you and he can decide if you should visit. It really is up to him."

"With your influence?" She sounded very bitter.

"No. Not with my influence. Jill?"

"What?"

"I was completely blindsided when we found out about the cancer and I was also completely blindsided when he decided not to tell you, or any of his family. I have...I had no idea why he wouldn't tell you, but then a few days ago he mentioned a childhood incident and I think that has clouded his view on this."

"What childhood incident?"

"He was sent home from school, with a note from the nurse, because he was sick. The next day you sent him right back to school, despite him still being sick, with your own note for the nurse."

"I don't remember that, he's exaggerating..."

"...Nick never exaggerates. If anything he underplays events. But I will tell you this, despite how sick he's been these last few weeks he's dragged himself into work, fearful of losing time. He has cancer, I think he deserves to be able to stay home and rest but something so ingrained in his character prevented him from doing so. Now I know what it was. I'm going now, Jill, and I will try and get Nick to speak to you. Please do not mention this conversation...you will upset him and I've broken his confidence."

"I will wait to hear from him."

"Thank you, bye." He put the phone down before she could respond. But he was certain she was going to turn up unannounced. He should not have said those things to her, but what the hell; Nick deserved to have at least one person on his side. He would have to confess to Nick because Jill would probably recall the conversation verbatim.

A very weary Gil climbed into bed beside Nick but he hardly stirred...except to wrap himself around Gil in his customary sleeping position. As tired as Gil was, his conversation with Jill kept rumbling around his head. He knew...he absolutely knew that she would be paying them a visit in the not too distant future and as soon as Nick was awake he would have to tell him. And as much as he didn't want to upset him, he knew it would.

He eventually fell asleep and the next thing he knew he could hear Nick in the bathroom; he was opening and closing cabinet doors by the sound of it. Gil glanced at the alarm clock and was surprised to see that he'd had about seven hours sleep and Nick ten or eleven. He wasn't going into work he was taking another rest day; mainly to keep Nick at home.

He climbed from the bed and looked back at the pillow and bedclothes....strewn with Nick's hair. Weird how it suddenly started shedding. He went towards the bathroom door and called to Nick.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, come on in...I'm going to shave my head...properly shave it because the hair has dropped out...so if I just buzz it there'll still be bald patches. Hey...you could use your cutthroat on it!" He chuckled, and the sound warmed Gil.

"If you think I'm taking my cutthroat to your head you're delusional...I'll use a safety razor if you'll move out of the way and let me empty my bladder first."

"Yellow belly..." Nick drawled the two words out in his broadest Texan dialect and Gil was instantly reminded that he needed to tell Nick about the phone call.

"Nothing of the kind, sensible decision making...can you imagine the fuss you'd make if I cut your head?" Gil was standing over the toilet and let out a breath of relief as his bladder emptied. "Anyway, good evening and how are you feeling?"

"Evening sunshine." He blew a kiss at Gil. "Not too bad at all. Still tired, my bladder woke me, but not as bad as I felt yesterday. I was thirsty and I had two, no three, glasses of water and you know what...I could drink a coffee...a mug of hot coffee." Nick hadn't had any coffee for a couple weeks since his sense of taste changed.

"I'll go put on the pot." Gil was washing his hands.

"I think I'm going to shower and then you can shave me...that okay?"

"Perfectly okay." Gil put on his robe and made his way to the kitchen. He was pleased with Nick, asking for a drink instead of him having to badger him to drink something...anything.

He took two mugs to the bathroom just as Nick was drying off. "A load more hair's come out; will you unblock the plug hole for me, please?"

"Sure." Gil did as he was asked and flushed the hair down the toilet. Nick had gone into the bedroom and came back with a seat. He'd wrapped a towel around himself and his weight loss suddenly struck Gil. He still wasn't thin...but because he was usually quite bulky from his working out he seemed diminished. He hoped Nick hadn't seen his look.

Nick had his shaving foam and a couple of new razors ready. "Ready?"

"I think so." Gil held his hands up and had them deliberately shake.

"That's so funny, I can't stop laughing. Oh, I can, because I never started."

"And you wanted me to use my cutthroat?"

Gil was smiling at Nick from behind him but Nick could see him in the mirror. Gil started his task and it wasn't the first time he shaved Nick, but it was his face and this was certainly the first time he'd ever shaved his head. He used both blades to keep the skin smooth and free from scratches and then dried it.

"Will that be all, Sir?"

"Yeah." Nick spoke wistfully. "The last time you shaved me we made love in here on the floor straight after."

Gil opened his robe and peered into his boxers shorts. "No chance of that today, I'm afraid."

"I know what you mean, man. It's the thought that counts, isn't it?"

"I think it does. I love you...and you know I'm not a fan of your buzz look...but this look is...enigmatic."

"Enigmatic. Yeah...everyone will know about me."

"Does that matter? It's not shameful; it shows you are courageous."

"I don't feel courageous after my tantrum this morning, I'm sorry." Nick bent his head back to look up at Gil and Gil bent over and kissed him.

"Mmmm...coffee breath...I missed it."

Nick laughed and then stopped. "Did you call Mom?"

"Ah. I was going to tell you."

"Tell me? It didn't go good did it?"

"That would be a "˜no'." To Gil's astonishment Nick laughed. "Why are you laughing? It's serious isn't it?"

"Yes and no."

"Go on, elaborate."

"It doesn't matter how hard I try I still morph into a little kid when something's wrong and I have to tell Mom. If I'd called she'd have been all over me. But you wouldn't stand any nonsense...I'm right aren't I?"

"Yes. So you played me?"

Nick stood up and put his arms around Gil. "I didn't intend to, I promise, and it only just occurred to me in the shower that if you did call, it wouldn't go well because she couldn't get one over on you."

"That's the truth, but Nick I have to warn you that even though I told her quite, very, firmly not to come I do expect her to arrive here sometime soon."

"You reckon?"

"I reckon, pardner..." Nick laughed at Gil's Texan twang.

"Then I'll face it when it happens. But I'll tell you one thing."

"What's that?"

"I ain't leaving your side."

"Well I'll tell you something."

"What's that?" Nick grinned.

"I ain't gonna let ya!" And they both laughed, happily.

A little while later, Gil had showered and Nick had dressed in sweats and a long sleeved tee-shirt and a pair of thick socks. He was going to have some toast with that imported green marmalade which he usually ignored. Gil toasted two rounds of bread and cut it into four and Nick ate three and had another two mugs of coffee. Hair and Jillian Stokes notwithstanding, Gil thought today was a pretty good day.

They were on the couch, Nick was covered with a fleece blanket and had been dosing; Gil had been rubbing his feet and they were half-heartedly watching a sports channel with famous clips from games in the past. Ernie Els had just shot a hole in one when the doorbell rang.

***

Nick woke up properly and stretched. "Who do you think that is?"

"I don't know, I'm not expecting anyone." Gil just sat there and looked at the door; he knew who it was. The bell sounded again. Nick swung himself off the couch and went to get up.

"Hey, don't, I'll go." Gil flicked the remote to turn off the TV and walked to the door, took a huge breath and opened it. He didn't expect what happened next.

The door was pushed wide open and Judge Stokes physically pushed Gil aside and strode into the room.

"Where is he?" He saw Nick sitting on the couch. "Nick. What has been going on here? Why didn't you tell your mother and me?"

Jillian Stokes just walked over the threshold of the door and stood watching her husband at first and then her son. She looked shocked.

But then Gil could also see the complete look of shock on Nick's face. He might well have been expecting his mother or both parents, but certainly not this quickly.

"Dad...I didn't want you to come. Gil told you I didn't want you to come." He stood up from the couch, unsteadily, and the Judge moved towards him but Nick stumbled past the coffee table going in the opposite direction to his father and went towards Gil at the same time as Gil moved towards him. His face was crumbling and he was about to cry. He latched onto Gil and Gil's strong arms circled his back.

"I didn't want them to come to see me while I was sick." He wailed into Gil's shoulder.

"I know, sweetheart." Gil could see that both his parents were plainly shocked by what he supposed was Nick's behaviour, although it could have been his appearance. "Come on I'll take you up to bed and you can wait for me there...okay."

Nick pulled back from Gil and nodded. Gil put his arm around his waist and moved in the direction of the staircase.

The Judge bellowed. "Aren't you going to speak to your mother, son?" Nick shook his head. "What the hell is going on here, Pancho? Where's your backbone?"

They all heard Gil gasp but he didn't speak but continued with his journey with Nick. Judge Stokes started to follow them and Gil turned while still holding Nick and hissed. "Don't even think about it!" It must have been a sufficiently strong warning because the Judge stopped in his tracks.

Gil took Nick to their bedroom and put on the bedside light. "Do you want to get into bed?"

"No, I'll just sit here a bit. Wait for you. Don't be long." Nick sounded like a child might sound when being left alone.

"I'll be very quick, I'm going to ask them, no, tell them to leave."

"I love you, Gil. I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about...nothing and I love you more than anything in the world." He might love Nick but at this moment he hated the Judge and his wife. "I'll be back in a few minutes." As much as Gil wanted to scream and shout at Nick's mother and father he knew it would serve no purpose. But they were lawyers and they must know they were trespassing and compromising their positions as Judge and DA. He gave Nick a hug and then went back downstairs.

The front door was still wide open and Judge and Mrs Stokes were standing together in the middle of the living room.

Gil ran down the stairs and at the bottom he pointed to the door. "Close the door as you leave."

"We're not leaving until we've seen Nick." The Judge pointed at Gil.

"You've seen him and he clearly did not want to see you. I expressly told you..." He looked at Jillian and firmly resisted the urge to point his finger at her. "...not to visit until Nick wanted you to visit. Now leave."

"You cannot keep me from my son."

"No, I cannot. But Nick does not want to see either of you and as far as I'm concerned, what Nick wants, Nick gets. Now leave. You have not been invited into our house and you are, therefore, trespassing."

"This is our son's house..."

"...it's our joint property and neither of us wants you here. I can call the police."

"Don't be ridiculous, they're not going to be interested in some petty civil dispute..."

Gil's eyebrows shot up. "...really? Are you forgetting that Nick and I both work for LVPD and that Nick is a very, very, popular man with a great many friends? Suffering from cancer, being upset, you seriously think they'd ignore my request? This isn't Texas, you hold no sway here."

He knew they were considering this statement. Jillian had been quiet so far but she suddenly spoke.

"Why doesn't Nick want us here?"

"In truth? I have no idea. But I am not about to start questioning his decisions; in case you haven't noticed he is seriously ill."

"You said something on the phone about a note from school. That must be thirty years ago."

"I'm sure it was but he remembers it quite clearly and it obviously has some bearing on why he doesn't want to see you now. Why he asked me to call you this morning, I don't know, except that he felt particularly ill and I presume, because I don't know, that it was because he was feeling guilty about not telling you. He has toxic chemotherapy drugs coursing through his body, who knows how they affect one's thinking and perceptions. But he's clear about not wanting to see you, so I will ask you once more and for the last time...leave. Now."

Gil must have sounded emphatic because they looked at one another and the Judge ushered his wife towards the door. But she stopped and looked at Gil.

"What will we do?" Jillian asked.

"Call me tomorrow...not Nick, and I can give you an update. But I'll tell you now that when...if, you get to see Nick, if there are any recriminations about this towards him then I will start to influence him about you...and believe me I've never done that...but there's a first time for everything."

"What's his prognosis?" For the first time he heard worry and concern in her voice, and it was also the first time she'd asked the question.

And Gil considered lying for just a moment but he couldn't, even to them. "It's good. It was caught very early and the surgeon was certain he'd removed all the cancer...but it was an aggressive cancer, teratoma, so he recommended the chemotherapy."

She nodded and then they walked out of the door and Gil went up to it immediately and closed it. He leaned back against it and exhaled. When you love someone and live with them you never consider the baggage that they carry around with them. And the Stokes' had baggage alright. He smiled as he looked towards the stairs. He wouldn't have it another way.

As quickly as he'd run down the stairs, just a few minutes earlier, he ran back up to be with Nick. He was sitting on the bed his back against the headboard and his arms hugging his legs. He wasn't crying but looked worried. "Have they gone?"

"Yes."

Nick broke into a grin. "You're a great man, Gil Grissom, you know that?"

"I think I do...because I did choose a very handsome man to be my lover."

"More like an idiot. I have no idea why I'm behaving like a fucking kid having a tantrum in front of you and them. I don't know what's wrong. Do you think it's the cancer?"

"Well, technically, you haven't got cancer any more have you? I think it could be the drugs. And the fact that you're in a weakened state both physically and mentally. But that's just me...you could ask Susan."

"Hell, no. I'm not going to expose my juvenile, worse than juvenile...childish... behaviour to her."

Gil laughed. "Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Do you? Do you reckon we could fool around a bit?"

"Feeling better then?"

"Hell, yes."

***

They made love and Nick was a very attentive lover; not that he wasn't always attentive but it seemed to Gil as if he was trying to make up for his odd behaviour. It also took Nick quite a lot longer than normal for him reach his orgasm and it took all of Gil's skills to make it happen. Moments after coming he was fast asleep, cradled in Gil's arms. It gave Gil some time to think about it all.

Nick's behaviour, although he'd made a joke of it, was strange, to say the least, and if Nick wasn't going to speak to Susan he certainly would. Nick usually fell asleep while he had his drug infusion so it would be the perfect time to run it past her. He strongly suspected that it was a combination of at least two things. Stress and drugs. But it was very odd behaviour from him; so out of his character...and forgetting his parents, although he knew very little about their characters other than what he'd discovered from Nick in the last few weeks.

Gil found himself dropping off to sleep and he didn't want to disrupt his pattern too much so he gently extricated Nick's arms from around his body and left him to sleep.

He took a shower and thought about the treatment that Nick was undertaking. They'd researched everything thoroughly, or so he thought. He'd even read about chemo-brain, but Nick hadn't displayed any common symptoms that he'd read about. He thought it most likely that it was be stress; these were very stressful times for Nick.

He'd talk to Susan the next day about his behaviour and see if she had any ideas. He smiled to himself when he thought about Nick's change from being distraught when the Judge and his mother arrived to his jubilation that Gil had disposed of them, without having to bury the bodies. Yet.

Nick had five treatments left. Three infusions of

etoposide and cisplatin then two separate injections of bleomycin and that would be it... But how long afterwards to recover, not from the cancer, but from the treatment? It could be months, they both knew that but they were together and positive and that was the most important thing.

Gil had work to do, starting another article for a forensic magazine and it would keep his mind occupied instead of it wandering all over the place thinking about Nick and the sickness and, or, Nick and his family. Before he started his research for the article he googled the chemotherapy sites to double check he hadn't missed anything. He had missed one site with some information...although he knew about it because Susan had told them and they'd both read about it at least once, but this particular site emphasised the necessity to keep very well hydrated during the chemotherapy treatments as a possible antidote to the drugs being pumped into the system. Gil printed the page, re-read it and then went to the kitchen and got a bottle of water.

He ran upstairs and shook Nick awake. "Wake up, wake up, sleepy head."

"I thought you were supposed to let me sleep as much as I wanted?" Nick yawned his reply. "I had sex as well, you know." He added, very drowsily, for good measure.

"I know but I was just reviewing your treatment and checking things out on the internet."

"Uh-uh. What now?"

"I know I've been chasing you to drink more but I found this article that stresses..." And he really stressed the word. "...the importance of drinking a lot of water during chemo. Here, read it. So I intend to keep you fully hydrated at all times, and Nick, it's only five more treatments and that's it. But water...it keeps your blood vessels hydrated and this study shows it could reduce drug damage." He waved the sheet of paper in front of Nick. "So here. Drink. No more Mr Nice Guy, trying to cajole you into drinking. Get this down your throat...now!" He gave Nick the bottle of water and although his words were stern he meant them as a joke. Only he was serious. Deadly serious.

Nick sat up. "If this is going to keep you from nagging me, then it's a small price to pay." He took the bottle from Gil and took off the already loosened cap and started to gulp it down.

"Take it steady...don't gulp it like that...take sips. And I don't nag."

"Much. Drink. Don't gulp. Sip. "Nick put the bottle down a little and looked at Gil. "But I love you for taking care of me."

"Then it's all worth it. Drink."

"Sir." He gradually drank the whole half litre of water. "Are you going to keep waking me up to hydrate me?"

"Yes."

"I'll get up then and lie on the couch with you."

"I'm working in the..." As soon as he'd started he stopped. "But that doesn't matter; we'll lie on the couch and...chill?"

"Yeah, man! You okay to chill? Is the work important?"

"No. It's not. You are important."

Nick smiled. "You say all the right things. Do you remember when we first went out and you could hardly string two words together?"

"I think that was less to do with saying the right things and more to do with the fact that either my tongue or my dick were almost continuously inspecting your tonsils...and vice versa."

"Yeah. The good old days."

"Less of the old days...we don't do too badly now."

"Even with the operation and the chemo we've still managed a bit haven't we?"

"We have."

"I nearly didn't come earlier though...it was like I wanted to and just couldn't. Like having an itch and not being quite able to reach it."

"We got there in the end."

"How much water are you going to make me drink?"

"It doesn't specify in the article but I'm going for two litres."

"Can I drink anything else?"

"Yes...but I still want you to try for two litres of water each day. It needn't be in half litres like you've just had...smaller quantities often will suffice..."

"...you're going to monitor this closely aren't you?"

"Like an experiment."

"Thought so. I'll have a quick shower and come downstairs. I could sit in the den if you want to work."

"Not going to work."

They played chess. They tried to play a video game with Nick trying to teach Gil how to play...unsuccessfully, for about the hundredth time. Warrick called half way through and Nick lamented Gil's poor skills. Warrick promised Nick a game in the break room at work the following night because Nick was going to work. He assured Warrick and Gil that he would be there, even if was only to sleep in Gil's office.

The expected loss of two staff hadn't impacted the shift that much. They were doing quite a bit of overtime and Gil hadn't been going out to scenes, leaving Catherine in charge. But Nick and Gil had both helped in the labs doing testing and Gil's paperwork had never been so up to date. So everyone was pretty happy about the work situation. Including Ecklie. And although Gil would have liked Nick to stay home and rest he did feel that all the staff benefited from seeing Nick at work. He was well liked, loved even, and he thought they liked to see that he was getting through his ordeal and they were helping him. He didn't quite think Nick was being that altruistic; more driven by behaviors instilled in him by Judge and Mrs Stokes. His work ethic was admirable but in Gil's opinion he should have been able to step back from it to aid his recovery.

All the time Nick was awake and with him, Gil was making him drink...and Nick offered no resistance. He also drank a chocolate Ensure and ate some more toast. Not a varied diet but Gil was happy he was at least he was eating something. When he was too tired to watch TV or play games he slept on the couch and Gil used his laptop, on his lap, to work.

The night passed quickly and it was soon time for showers and a truck ride to the hospital for the next treatment. When he was settled in his chair, as predicted, he slept and Gil sought out Susan at her desk.

"Susan, I wonder if I could just discuss a few things with you."

"Sure you can, pull up the chair."

"I've read about chemo brain..." At the words Susan looked far more alert. "...and to be honest I have not seen any behaviour in Nick that fits the symptoms I've read about...but he has done some strange things."

"Go on." Susan sat back in her seat and gave Gil her full attention.

Gil related what had happened; his bad temper, his request for Gil to tell his Mom, his reasoning about why he'd asked Gil to call and then the show down with his mother and father and the resultant, almost high...when he knew Gil had dealt with them.

"I don't mind admitting I'm confused because it is unusual for Nick to behave like this...but then he's never had cancer or chemo before."

"I'm sure it's not chemo brain, Gil. It sound like a good old-fashioned guilt trip about not telling his mother...even though he didn't want her to know he was still feeling guilty...why are you smiling?" Susan stopped to ask Gil the question.

"That was my conclusion too...he was brought up very strictly and he was more than happy to get away from Texas and be a lot freer here...but family, blood, ties, they can't be severed easily."

"That's what I think. And he knew that you would deal with it for him. So he's happy now that they know and he hasn't had to deal with it...it some ways it shows his love for you. He knew you would make it all...better. And you did."

"I feel relieved you think it is that and I suppose the stress of cancer and the treatment."

"Keep a close eye on him...I know you do anyway, but he should be okay now. His shaved head looks good."

"I did that. Thanks, Susan, I appreciate your time."

"You're welcome."

As Gil made his way back to Nick he could hear some commotion going on outside the room and several nurses, including Susan, went to have a look at what was happening.

GiI sat next to Nick and resumed reading a book he'd brought with him when Susan came up to him.

"Gil, a quick word." She looked worried.

"I'm glad you told me what you did because you'll never guess who's outside here causing trouble."

Gil didn't have to guess.

***

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