Previous part of The Enemy.
***
"How on earth did they know he was here?"
"I don't know but they want to see Nick."
"They can't, not while he's having his infusion. I won't let them"
"Nor me. I've told them that and I think they understand that but they want to see him afterwards. I can get them thrown out but I don't want to necessarily make it worse."
"I agree. I'll go and speak to them and when Nick's infusion has finished I'll ask him what he wants to do and be guided by that."
"Thanks. They're in the corridor outside being guarded." She chuckled.
"Okay."
Gil walked out of the door and saw them. He thought that at least the Judge looked guilty even if Jillian looked defiant."
"How the hell did you know Nick was here?"
"We hired a private detective to watch your house. When he followed you here he called us up. He's our son we want to see him. For all we know you're keeping him from us under duress." Jillian was defiant.
Gil was almost dumbstruck but then he found his voice. "He's undergoing chemotherapy right NOW. NOW, and you want to disturb him? Did he look as if he was under duress last night when you arrived...of course after you arrived he was certainly under duress. And whose fault was that? Yours. Both of you. Call yourself parents? Well, I'm not pandering to your guilt trip. Abandon your gay son and then hire a private detective to snoop on him...us. I can assure you that the Texas State Bar will be hearing from me. I am going back in there..." Gil pointed to door to the chemotherapy suite. "...and I'll be with Nick while he finishes today's treatment. Then I will ask him if he wants to see you."
"You won't ask him..."
"...I will. I'm not the one being duplicitous. If he agrees then you can see him and if he doesn't, then you can't. It's that simple. If I have to take out a restraining order then believe me I will. Do you think a Judge would take kindly to a cancer sufferer being stalked by anyone, let alone his parents?"
Gil was in his stride, he didn't often get really angry but he was now and none of his threats were idle...he would do anything to protect Nick. He left them standing and out of the corner of his eye he noticed the guard grinning.
Half an hour later, Susan woke Nick up. She unhooked him from the empty bag; he'd slept through the treatment and the disturbance.
"Four to go." He smiled at her.
"I'll miss you, a regular sleeping beauty. Take your time and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Thanks, Susan. What's wrong, babe?"
"Wrong?"
"Yeah, you've got a look about you...I know there's bad news coming."
Gil smiled and nodded. "Your parents are outside and they want to see you before you leave the hospital."
"How the fuck..."
"A private detective following us."
"You're joking?"
"I wish I was...but, no." But to Gil's complete surprise Nick laughed. "You think it's funny?"
"Yeah, I do. They've virtually ignored me for years because it was convenient and now they're flying up here, hiring private dicks...hell, if they ain't spending my inheritance." He laughed some more.
"Do you want to see them?"
"No, I don't want to, but I will, if only to get rid of them. What do you think?"
"It could work...if you feel up to it."
"I do this morning; it was just such a shock last night. I wasn't prepared."
"Okay. Have a drink of water before we go."
"Man, you've got water on the brain."
"Correct."
Gil was happy to have seen the faces of Judge and Mrs Stokes when Nick walked out the door. They were sitting on two wooden chairs that someone had provided for them and had obviously been prepared for Nick not to want to see them. They both jumped up.
"Nick, oh, Nick." He mother almost wailed at him.
"Son." The Judge was more reserved.
"You wanted to see me and here I am. But why did you come, you know I didn't want to see you?"
"How can you say that to your mother?"
"How many times has she visited me here...have you both visited me? Twice; once when you were in town for a convention and once when I was abducted."
"We don't interfere in any of our children's lives, you know that."
"Especially the gay son."
Gil smirked when neither of them answered Nick's remark.
"Look, Mom...and Dad, I'm okay with the way things are and when I got sick I didn't want to tell you because I thought you'd want to come and take over...exactly like you have done. But then I got guilty about not telling you and asked Gil to call you...but I specifically asked him to tell you, and I know he told you, not to come to see me, not until I was up for it. And look what happened? I got upset because you came by and pushed Gil out of the way and barged into our house and then you asked me where my backbone was. Jesus Christ, Dad, don't you think I've got enough of a backbone to fight cancer? Is that all you think of me?"
"No, no...I didn't mean like that...I wanted you to stand up to...Gil...I thought he'd taken charge of your life."
"You mean like you did until I left home. He's not like that, we're equal partners. Equal. Anyway, you've seen me and I'm going to be okay...that's what they've told us. Just got to finish this treatment and that's it."
"But Nick..." His mother started.
"But what, Mom? What do you want? I'm here, you've seen me, I've seen you."
"I don't know."
"And while I think about it; don't you ever hire a private investigator again to hunt me down. That was below the belt. You were supposed to call Gil this morning and I would have seen you...like I am now."
Gil was speechless. A man so tired most times he could hardly stay awake and here he was giving his domineering parents a good going over. What's more they seemed to be standing and taking it. Although it seemed to Gil that Nick had a pretty solid case.
"Look, Nick. Let's keep calm about this. Things have happened and we've acted...disproportionately...I can see that now. Come down for Thanksgiving...with Gil, of course, and I'll see if we can get everyone there and we'll have a good old party like in the old days. You should be over all the treatment by then and have your hair and muscles back." The Judge was suddenly being completely reasonable.
"That'd be good. If we can get the time off. But you know..." He smiled and lowered his voice. "...I sleep with my boss." They actually saw the joke and chuckled.
If Gil was speechless before he was completely lost now. Minutes before they'd been at each other's throats and now they were all going to party in November...him included. This was crazy. But he could also see that Nick was starting to lose steam.
"I would say let's go to breakfast, but all I do after treatments is sleep. You guys going back to Dallas today?"
"If we can get a flight."
"Okay, I'll keep in touch and tell you how I get on and probably see you for Thanksgiving."
"That's good then." Jillian hugged Nick and then the Judge did the same. He then extended his hand to Gil who took it and shook it and Jillian offered a kiss on his cheek and as quickly as they'd arrived...they left.
"Man, I'm sooo tired."
"No doubt you are. But, Nick, what was all that about?" Gil was dazed and completely shell shocked.
"That? Happy families, Stokes' style." He chuckled at Gil's perplexed face and leaned in and kissed him on the lips, briefly. "It's what we do; fight like cats and dogs and then act normal...well as normal as we know how. It's always been the same as long as I can remember. Seven kids and all their friends coming and going, a Judge, a DA, and a mad Mexican nurse maid, not to mention half a dozen dogs and even more cats and they fought...like humans. " He laughed at his own joke. "Take me home to bed, babe."
"Okay." Gil was mystified; he'd never witnessed anything like it. "Tell me one thing though. If you were brought up in that atmosphere, how come you're so calm and amiable...you're not argumentative at all?"
"I dunno...I think maybe Mom must have slept with the priest, he was a pretty laid back kind of guy."
Gil laughed and then stopped. He hoped Nick was joking but after all that had just happened...anything could be true...
***
On their way home, Nick fell asleep and Gil still had the meeting with the Stokes' in that corridor whirling around his mind. He'd seen some strange things in his life...but that about beat the lot. They'd hired a private detective, tracked them down, tried to get into the chemotherapy suite and then Nick had what, asked them what they were doing told them not to do it again and now they were going for Thanksgiving. Gil glanced over at Nick. He laughed, to himself, quite quietly.
Happy families. Like nothing he'd ever experienced. However, he hoped they did make it to Texas for Thanksgiving because it would undoubtedly be an interesting trip...he could people watch without anyone noticing because they would obviously be otherwise engaged in fights and reconciliations. He wondered if Nick would become like them or be his usual self. Probably himself because that was how he coped. Gil thought about his own mother and realised that she wasn't quite as normal as maybe he portrayed her. For many years after his Dad died she pretended he was alive...laid a place for him at the table; bought presents for Christmas and his birthday. He idly wondered what had happened to them since he never got to see what they were and when she died he didn't find too much left in the house that did belong to his Dad. She must have come to her senses sometime after Gil left home. Perhaps all families were odd...that's what being part of a family meant...putting up with the oddness because it was family and it was...what it was.
He pulled up on the drive of their home and looked at Nick. Fast asleep and breathing noisily just this side of snoring. He shook him awake.
"Bed, Nick, but you must..."
"...drink a water first." Nick finished sleepily.
"You catch on slow." Gil chuckled.
"Huh?" Nick missed the irony.
Gil helped the drowsy Nick undress as he kept sipping his water. He was as different again from the day before when he'd thrown his tantrum. This time he was drowsy and amenable.
"You coming to bed with me?"
"I wasn't going to unless you want me to be with you."
Nick thought about it and yawned. "I guess I'll be asleep too fast to appreciate you...you're not going out are you?"
"No, not at all. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."
"A couple of seconds then. Here!" Nick triumphantly gave an empty water bottle to Gil.
"Do you need to take a leak before you get into bed?"
"Might be a good idea." He staggered to the bathroom and Gil thought he looked as if he was drunk but a few minutes later he was back and crawled into the waiting bed.
"Sleep tight; hope the bed bugs don't bite."
"Me too...I bet you put them there on purpose..." And he was asleep. Gil ran his hand over his bald head and bent over and kissed it, smiled and left him.
Gil was doing research a couple of hours later when he heard movement upstairs. He ran up into the bedroom and he could see Nick in the bathroom; he was sitting on the toilet and vomiting into the bathroom's small trash can.
"Nick!"
He finished heaving and looked up. "Got the shits man...feel so sick...not much to come up...'cept water." He started heaving and retching again, with tears streaming down his face at the effort.
All Gil could do was hold him...he felt cold so he left him momentarily and pulled a long sleeved tee shirt from a drawer in the bedroom. "Here, sweetheart, put this on, you're cold."
He put the can down and lifted his arms for Gil to drop the shirt over his head.
"Can I get you anything? I have some ginger ale...that's supposed to help with nausea. Shall I get it anyway and you can try a few sips."
Nick nodded and smiled, wanly, at Gil before picking up the trash can again. Luckily there was a plastic lining bag in it. Gil left him and got the dry ginger from the fridge and a glass. He poured it out and stirred it with a spoon to get rid of much of the effervescence as he could. Back in the bedroom he got the emesis bowl that was by the bed and took the drink and bowl into Nick. Nick was up from the toilet and leaning on the wash basin.
He looked sick...his skin was so pale it was almost translucent and Gil was gripped with the realisation that this was as sick as Nick had looked since it all began...just a few short weeks ago.
"Sorr..."
"...don't say you're sorry. It's not your fault and I'll have it all cleaned up in a few minutes. Do you feel a little better?"
"Stomach cramps have stopped...but I don't think there's anything left inside me." He tried a little smile. "Don't feel so sick at the moment. Exhausted...man...I don't think I can make it back to bed on my own."
"You don't have to. I'm here. Are you ready?" He nodded. Gil left the drink and bowl and pulled one of Nick's arms around his shoulders and then held his waist and walked his to the bed. He suddenly seemed so thin and Gil was shocked...only yesterday he thought he didn't look too bad. Once by the bed, Nick sat down.
"Don't lie down just yet, I do want you to try and drink something. You know you need to." Gil spoke softly to Nick and Nick smiled.
"I know." Gil didn't know whether to be pleased that Nick had offered no argument to his plea for him to drink something, or sad that the fight seemed to have left him.
He brought the drink and bowl back. "Just try a few sips. It's been in the fridge so it's cold. The bowl's right here if you need it."
Nick took the glass and his hand was shaking slightly. But he took a few sips. Then a few more. "That's not bad. It's soothing." He continued to take a few small sips but his eyes started to droop. "Gotta sleep." He gave the drink back to Gil and just slid sideways into bed. Gil covered him up and then sat by his side for a little while although he was fast asleep.
Weird that these episodes came over him like a sudden violent storm and then passed just as quickly. Four more treatments and Gil realised that he was very lucky indeed; some cancer sufferers had months and months of continuing treatments and had radiotherapy thrown in as well. However bad Nick was, they both knew he was lucky.
He cleaned up the bathroom and then checked up on Nick every half an hour and after three hours woke him up...very reluctantly...but he though Nick should try and drink some more, especially after having both diarrhoea and vomiting. Without question Nick finished the ginger ale and then drank half a bottle of water. When Gil got into bed a little while later he sighed with pleasure when Nick assumed his normal sleeping position wrapped around him.
They both slept until the alarm woke them and Gil looked down at Nick whose bald head was on his chest. He rubbed the smooth skin and whispered as Nick started to stretch.
"Hello, sweetheart; how are you feeling?"
"Okay. Not bad. My gut feels as if a stallion has kicked me and then trampled on me, but I don't feel sick."
"I'm due to go into work tonight but I can call in and..."
"...no, man. Let's go to work. I can sleep in your office."
"Wouldn't you be better sleeping in your bed?"
"Nope. Mind's made up. Work. Unless you're trying to get out of it? Besides it's my bed at work isn't it? My cot, my sleeping bag, my pillow."
"True." Gil smiled but then became serious. "But if you get any worse I'm telling you now, we're both coming home. Okay? So you know."
"Okay. But I'll be okay, I think. It's what's happened before... treatment and then I get sick a couple of hours later and then I'm okay."
That was true, Gil couldn't deny it. "But each time it's leaving you a bit weaker."
"Yeah. I know it is, I can feel that. But I'm not intending to do any work...I know I can't. But you can and that makes me feel better."
"Okay. Do you want anything to eat?"
"Toast with that green marmalade."
"Okay. It's lime, by the way. Coffee? Juice?"
"No juice...I couldn't. But coffee? Yeah, coffee would be good."
"Coming up. I'll do our meals and then I'll shower with you."
"Yeah, got to style and blow dry my hair."
"Maybe your eyebrows could do with a trim."
"Are they falling out?" Nick ran a finger through them both and then looked at the finger. "Doesn't look like they are...yet."
An hour and half later they were driving into work and Nick was already asleep following his exertion getting ready. Gil really wanted him to stay at home...he would stay with him, Catherine could take the shift. But at the same time he knew that going to work...even if it was just to sleep...gave Nick a little bit of his normal life back.
***
When they arrived at the parking lot Gil woke him up and they made their slow way to Gil's office. Nick had to stop a couple of times to yawn and rest against a wall. They made it to the office without meeting anyone. Nick sat down on his cot and toed off his shoes and pulled his sweat shirt over his head but it got stuck and Gil had to finish the pull.
"I should have put on one with a zipper. I'll remember that tomorrow. Will you open up the sleeping bag I don't want to get in it but I want it over me? Please?"
"Sure. Let's do it and don't forget to...do I have to say it?"
"No." He smiled and lifted up his hand...he was already holding his bottle of water. He took a couple of gulps from it and put it on the floor by the camp bed and lay down. Gil pulled the sleeping bag up and over him. Nick turned onto his side and settled down.
"This is comfortable you know. I like it. Like it better if you were in it with me."
"Me too, Nicky, me too." Catherine came in at that moment.
"Hey, you guys, how are...oh, Nicky, you've had to shave your head."
"Gil shaved it for me...it'll grow back and it could be curly."
"Curly? Never."
"That's what I said."
"Go to sleep, you look tired." Catherine sounded sweet and concerned unlike his own mother, thought Gil.
"Mmmm...am. It's the worst thing." He was fading fast.
"Sleep. I'll wake you up in a couple of hours for a drink." Gil bent over and kissed his head, most of his face was already under the sleeping bag.
Catherine nodded at Gil to go outside and he followed her and she closed his door.
"Is he really okay? He looks so much worse than a couple of days ago. Should he be here?"
"He's not okay. He's had some serious vomiting bouts and is almost permanently completely exhausted. He is eating...mostly toast. I'm making him drink more because dehydration can be a real problem. But this is what chemo does. He shouldn't be at work and I want him to stay at home...I'd stay with him but for whatever reason...he wants me to come to work. I think, and his nurse agrees, he wants to try and keep things as normal as he can...he can't work but he doesn't want to stop me from working. Doesn't want to let the cancer disrupt both our lives. Even if it has."
"I can see the reasoning behind that. It's not harming him, or you, is it, and if it provides him with some small psychological victory then it's worth it, isn't it?"
"It is. Worth every moment. Only four more treatments."
"It's gone quickly, hasn't it? Has he told his family yet?"
Gil laughed quite bitterly. "Catherine, don't go there, I can hardly bear to think about the last thirty-six hours...but yes, they know and his parents have visited."
"If you don't mind me saying they're a bit odd..."
"...it's not just me then?" He laughed again.
She laughed too. "After Walter Gordon...before you two got together...I was at the hospital with Nick when they visited. It wasn't a case of ‘poor Nick, how awful it's all been'; it was, ‘well you've been rescued and now you can get back to work and we're going back to Dallas now so we can get on with our work'. And Nick was like, ‘yes, you're right, okay, bye'. Weirdest encounter I've ever seen and heard."
Gil had never heard this tale before and he shook his head but it was virtually the same as it was that morning. But to Nick, it was his normal. So there wasn't much he could do about it. "I would have to agree with you...it's a very strange family...dynamic...but it seems to work in a kind of haphazard way."
"Whatever floats their boat? I can't help wondering how nice and normal Nick is...unless you know differently, of course." She smiled a come on give me some juicy titbit, smile.
"He's perfectly normal. Well, perfect anyway." Gil smiled at her. "I'll get the assignment slips for you. I'll stay with Nick, of course."
"Okay."
Gil felt better now he'd heard Catherine's tale about the Stokes. If Nick was okay with it then he'd have to be. He wasn't entirely sure that Nick was okay with it but, for now, he'd keep a low profile...although he doubted he'd ever challenge Nick on it...it probably wouldn't be worth the potential problems it could cause and Nick did seem to be reconciled with their behaviours if he didn't exactly condone them.
Nick slept solidly for two hours and then Gil woke him up and persuaded him to have an Ensure. Nick drank the lot, went for a piss, on his own, came back settled down again and fell asleep.
He woke himself just before Gil was going to wake him. "Gotta go." He mumbled and went as quickly as he could to the bathroom. Gil followed and waited for him, talking to him through the door of the stall. No sickness; diarrhoea.
"Do you want anything to eat?" Gil asked through the door.
Nick chuckled. "Let me see...I'm sitting on the john, my guts are voluntarily emptying themselves and you want to know if I want to eat? Should you even be talking about food in the bathroom at work? Crazy...you know that don't you? You're crazy!"
Gil laughed, Nick sounded so much better than he had earlier. "I'm just being an opportunist...you're a captive subject."
"Only you. Actually...apart from spilling my guts here I do feel a bit better. I'll have another Ensure, did you bring a chocolate one?"
"Of course." Gil grinned. It was good news, two Ensures within a couple of hours.
"Okay, I think I'm about finished. My gut is sore though."
"I bet. You want to go to the break room for a change of scenery?"
"Yeah, good idea." Nick emerged from the stall and went to wash his hands.
"Does the toilet need cleaning?"
"No, it's okay, I checked."
"Good. I'll go and get your drink."
Gil was waiting and waiting in the break room and thought Nick was probably talking to someone he'd met on his journey from bathroom to break room. After what seemed like hours, but was hardly ten minutes, Gil went looking for him. He couldn't see him and he wasn't in the corridor or in any lab as Gil walked back towards the locker room and bathroom, moving faster and faster and feeling panic rise up from his stomach to his chest.
He banged the door to the locker room open and there was no Nick in there so he pushed the door of the restroom open and there was Nick...
***
...laughing and talking with Warrick and Greg.
"Nick, I've been waiting for you..." He shouted at Nick he was so relieved.
"Hey, man, calm down don't stroke out." He walked the few steps over to Gil and slipped a hand around the back of his neck. "I'm okay. Just chewing the fat. Warrick and Greg have been at a four nineteen and had a lady streaker to contend with...amply endowed or so it seemed but when she was run down by a fast cop turned out to be a man in a lady suit. Vegas is odd. You okay?"
He nodded and smiled. "I'm sorry, Warrick, Greg. I just got worked up because...well...because."
Both Warrick and Greg, although startled by Gil shouting at Nick, now had expressions of understanding plastered over their faces. Plainly aware that Gil was living on a knife edge, perhaps more so that even Nick.
"I should have thought...you worry; come on let's go to the break room and I can have my wonderful chocolate shake."
"A chocolate shake...Macky D? They do great shakes." Warrick was obviously an aficionado.
"I'm not that lucky. Ensure."
"Nick, if you want a McDonalds shake you should have one...you deserve it."
"I'm okay, the Ensure's not that bad and it'll do me more good...maybe we can get one on the way to the hospital?"
"That's a good idea."
And on the way to the hospital that's exactly what they did. Nick had a banana flavoured shake and Gil had a strawberry shake. They took them into the chemo suite with them and savoured them while the infusion was running. When Nick finished his drink and went to sleep Gil updated Susan with details of his parents...making light of what had happened in view of the way it had turned out.
"Gil, you wouldn't believe some of the things I've seen in here. I think the worst thing that ever happened was a guy came in quite casually and then ripped the lines out of his ten year old daughter's arm because he was against her having the chemo...and then in front of their child and all the other patients the mother and him had a physical fight. Unbelievable. Nick's parents were pretty lame, really...never got in here."
He also updated her on the vomiting and diarrhoea but she was quite philosophical about it...they were known side effects and she said Nick was managing, actually, very well. But that she would up his anti-nausea meds.
When Gil woke him so that they could go home he put three fingers up to Gil. Gil frowned and then caught on.
"Three to go. Only one more infusion and then two injections."
"Yeah, I'd be excited except that the bleomycin injections usually make me real bad."
"There is that but the second treatment seems to have gone quicker."
"We knew what to expect and then Mom and Dad were extra diversions." He yawned. "Time for bed."
"It is. I'm sorry about the bathroom incident...I had you collapsed behind the door you know."
"It was thoughtless of me, I knew you were waiting and Warrick and G could have come to the break room with me."
They were just walking down the corridor towards the exit.
"Do you know something, Nick?"
"I know lots of things. What specifically?"
"You are the most thoughtful person I've ever met. I cannot think of any instance that I know about...either at work or in our private life, where you have been thoughtless."
"I think you're giving me the benefit of the doubt. Or at least wearing rose tinted spectacles. What about me setting you up just the other day to face Mom and Dad? What about me not telling you about how weird my family really is?"
"That's wasn't being thoughtless. That was deliberately withholding evidence and pertinent facts." Gil laughed and Nick joined in and did something he never normally did in public...he linked his arm through Gil's as they walked along.
"Love you, Gil."
"Love you, Nick."
For some inexplicable reason they both felt happier and more relaxed than they had for some time.
At home, Nick slept and was woken periodically by Gil to have a drink. He managed two more ensures and several bottles of water. He had no reaction to the treatment and that in turn made him feel so much better, he was still tired to the point of exhaustion but since he spent most of his time asleep or lying down he could cope.
But that night as they made their way into work they were in for a shock. When they arrived in Gil's office, Nick sat in the chair instead of the cot. He decided he wanted a coffee so Gil went off to get one. He came back a few minutes later and he looked shocked....stunned even.
"What is it, babe?"
"Something...well... Come and have a look." He pulled Nick up from his chair and led him to the break room and Nick stood staring. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Warrick, Greg, Sara, SuperDave, Doc Robbins, Henry, Hodges, Jim, Wendy and Mandy all stood there with shaved heads.
"Wow, you guys. Wow." Nick was stuck for words but then a thought struck him. "I just hope you don't expect Gil to do the same because I forbid it...you hear that, babe? One in the household is enough. But you guys...thank you. Means a lot."
"It was Wendy's idea and we've all got sponsorship, so we'll donate the money to charity...any you like." Greg told him.
"Wendy, your lovely hair. And Mandy. Sara too." He was really incredulous that Sara had done this for him.
"I've had it long for twenty years so time for a change." Wendy smiled. Nick went to her and hugged her.
"You're a good girl, Wendy, a good girl. And, Mandy, oh, Mandy." Nick sang softly to Mandy.
"I think I might keep it...it was so easy and quick to get ready for work."
They all laughed. "Hey, we need a photo." Just then Ecklie walked along and stopped and looked at them in shock.
"Conrad, just in time." Gil spoke.
"I've got to shave my head?" He asked nervously.
"Yes. No." Gil laughed. "But there isn't much for you to lose, unlike some of us." And he ran his hand through his curly hair. "I'm just going to take a picture. They've done it for charity and as a sign of solidarity since Nick has just had to shave his head.
"I'll take the picture you get in there with Nick. Wendy and Mandy and Sara, too, well done. I'll donate."
The photograph was downloaded and put up on the notice board in the break room. Greg said he'd also get a copy framed for Nick.
Back in Gil's office nursing his coffee Nick couldn't believe what they'd all done for him. And with Ecklie's donation they'd got nearly nine grand between them. Incredible considering they were all in the same pool for potential donors.
"My work colleagues are all really good guys aren't they?"
"They are. I think you should remember as well that you are a nice person and people like you."
"We all like one another don't we? I think we do."
"I think you're right."
"I'm going to bed down now...need my beauty sleep...last infusion tomorrow morning. I wonder if Susan will take the port out since all I'll have left is two injections. I know she used the port to inject but she could put it straight into my arm, couldn't she?"
"Probably, I don't know. Some of the drugs are caustic and would burn...hold on, it goes straight into your blood stream from the port so that's a ridiculous assumption. Is the port causing you any problems, you've never said."
"No. It feels okay; it's just a nuisance keeping it covered up when I shower."
"We can ask."
"Yeah, we can. Today's been a good day."
"It has. A very good day."
"Wish you could get in my sleeping bag with me...keep me company."
"Me too. I think Catherine would like to take a picture of that."
"I bet. She wasn't there, was she? Wonder why that was."
"I don't know...but she may have baulked at shaving off her hair...I think Sara, Wendy and Mandy were exceptionally kind to do that."
"Did you see Greggo's ears? He's got pixie ears." Nick laughed.
"That's mean." But Gil had noticed too and he laughed with Nick. "Why didn't you want me to shave my head?"
"I couldn't bear not having your curls to touch...I need some hair in my life!" He yawned and cracked his jaw. "That hurt!" Nick rubbed his jaw.
"I bet, I heard the crack. Come on. Get in bed and I'll tuck you up."
"Thanks."
In a few minutes he was settled and asleep a moment or two later. Gil went to get more coffee before he attacked his paper pile; he just never seemed to be able to actually get his in-tray empty, however hard he tried. In the break room he saw the picture of them all pinned to the notice board and he studied it very carefully.
Nick looked really sick now. It was ironic that the cancer was gone and even when he had it he still looked great but now... He had lost a lot of weight and his face was a lot thinner; his eyes were sunken in their sockets and there were dark shadows around his eyes. He did look sick, especially surrounded by all the others...and himself...looking hale and hearty.
Gil stared at the photograph for several minutes and didn't realise that he was weeping until Catherine slipped her arm around his waist.
"He'll be better soon. Just you see."
Gil nodded and he turned towards her and she hugged him to her, coffee mug and all.
In Gil's office Sara had spent a few minutes watching Nick sleep and then decided she had to do what she'd intended to do so she gently shook Nick awake.
"More water, already?"
"It's me, Nick."
"Where's Gil is he okay?" Panic started to rise in Nick...Gil was always with him when he woke up.
"He's in the break room with Catherine. Look Nick, I have something to say...to tell you."
Nick relaxed and smiled at Sara. "Okay."
"Since you two got together I always thought that Grissom would eventually tire of you...I thought that, in the end, he would come to me...be with me."
"Really?" Suddenly, Nick wasn't quite as tired as he had been; he was very interested in what she had to say.
"Yeah, I just thought you were a passing...fad, and that he would realise it was me he wanted to be with."
"Yeah?" Nick was virtually dumbstruck at her revelation.
"Yeah. But I wanted to tell you...so that you know. Since you got sick I can see...he loves you just as much as you love him. He's not pretending, you're not a passing fad at all. You're the love of his life. Much as I want...wanted...it to be me, it never will be...so when Wendy suggested we should shave out heads as a gesture of solidarity. I thought I would do it...not just for solidarity, but as penance really. To show you, specifically, that I have thrown the towel in...it's official, I'm moving on."
"Thanks Sara. That's good...you moving on, because we...Gil and me...are in it for life. We're getting married as soon as this is all over...oh, and my hair grows back." He yawned again.
Sara's forehead wrinkled in a frown as she heard the word ‘marriage' but she recovered sufficiently to speak. "I'm sorry I woke you I thought it would clear the air. Once and for all."
"Yeah. Thanks.
Sara left a bemused Nick and he forced himself up to a sitting position to reach for his water. That was interesting. Over Gil? But she still reacted to the fact that he'd told her they would be married soon. She was an oddball; he thought that was a fair assessment. In fact, she'd fit in well with his family.
As Gil eventually made his way back to his office with his coffee he was ashamed and embarrassed about breaking down in front of Catherine. But then thank God it was Catherine and not anyone else. He wasn't the one who was sick; but at the same time he felt better to have some comfort from Catherine instead of giving comfort to Nick. If that was selfish then he was selfish, but he did feel calmer.
Catherine had told him that she had tried to cut off her hair but just couldn't. So she'd sponsored every single person who'd gone through with it...and she felt that she had gone some way to atoning for her omission.
As Gil walked into his office Nick was drinking some water. "Well...this is a certainly a miracle. You. Awake. Voluntarily drinking some water."
"Sara's been visiting with me." He lay back down exhausted.
"Sara?" Gil paused and thought for a moment or two. "Did she actually wake you up...deliberately?"
"Don't get ornery with Sara...when we're alone I'll tell you all about it. It's weird. She's weird. Gotta sleep..." Nick slumped down onto the cot and pulled the sleeping bag over him in one smooth movement and was asleep leaving Gil staring at him and wondering what on earth it was that Sara had told him.
***
The night went quickly for Gil. He was surprised since he'd thought that if he wasn't going to go out to scenes then he would become bored. But he wasn't bored because it was more important to look after...or look over Nick. As always he woke him regularly to give him his drinks and Nick remained good humoured and compliant each time but k wouldn't tell him a word of what Sara had said and he was itching with curiosity but he would find out on the drive to the hospital...that was an absolute certainty.As soon as they got into Gil's truck and the doors were closed and as they fastened their seatbelts Gil was on to Nick.
"So? Why did Sara wake you up?"
"It's odd and a bit lame really. She woke me up to say that she fully expected you to leave me...eventually...and go to her."
"I don't believe that woman...wait 'til..."
"...no...wait. Hear me out. She said that since I got sick she realised it was never going to happen...that she could see that I was the love of your life...so she's moving on."
"I have never given her one sign...not one sign that she was anything other than a colleague." Nick snorted. "That's the truth, Nick."
"Not the way she sees it...and well, some things could have be construed differently if you ask me..."
"...never, Nick, never."
"Babe, it doesn't matter. Really; it doesn't matter...she's moving on now so I can have you all to myself...except that I already did. Oh, and her shaved head was penance."
"She defies description. Waking you up to tell you that you can have me..."
"...it wasn't quite like that. Look, let it go. Whatever. She's thrown in the towel...that's what she said, actually. I want you to do the same. Leave it be. Leave her be. Let her move on. Let us carry on as before." Gil didn't reply; he was beyond furious. "Come on, I want some fries and a shake." They didn't speak again until they arrived at the McDonalds.
"Did you say you wanted fries as well as a shake?" Gil seemed his normal self again.
"I do. Nothing else."
Nick ate them all before they got to the hospital. As he finished them he grinned at Gil and hoped he had sufficiently recovered from his diatribe about Sara. "Good diet I'm following. McDonald's fries and shakes and your toast and marmalade."
"Better than nothing and at least you're having all the vitamins in the Ensures."
"Perhaps that's why I'm having odd cravings. Either that or I'm pregnant."
"I think that's unlikely, even though we don't use protection." Gil grinned.
"Will you stand by me?" Nick asked Gil quite plaintively.
"Are you sure it's mine?"
"Pretty much."
"You don't sound that convinced."
"Well you know how it is..."
"...the truth's coming out now."
"I couldn't ever be unfaithful to you, you know that don't you?" Their light hearted banter stopped suddenly with Nick's serious statement.
"Nor me."
"You know what I find weird now?"
"What's that?"
"That I have slept with other people. Men and women. It was sex and it was pleasurable but...it meant nothing to me. It never meant anything until you."
Gil smiled. "I think that's because you love me. You didn't love any of the others."
"I don't think it, I know it." He grinned again. Gil had manoeuvred the truck into a space on the hospital car lot. "Let's go. Last infusion."
Susan was off duty so a nurse called Carlos administered the drug. Nick fell asleep as he always did and Gil thought about Sara. Nick was right; he would do his best to ignore it for all their sakes. He regretted the day he'd called her from San Francisco and asked her to help investigate Warrick; a fresh pair of eyes with no hidden agenda. Look how well that worked out!
She was strange and didn't live any life other than her work life... as far as he could see...and yet wasn't he the same, before Nick? He would swear that he'd never given her any encouragement; he was sure about that regardless of whatever Nick had said. He tried to read his book but he too, nodded off to sleep to be woken by Carlos when the treatment was over.
"I only have two bleomycin injections left so do you take out the port?" Nick wanted to know.
"Is it causing you any pain or discomfort?"
"No."
"Then we would prefer for you to keep it. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, no problem. I just wondered."
He hadn't shivered after an infusion before and he hadn't had a steroid injection to counteract the shivers so Gil was surprised that he was shivering before they reached the truck. It was stifling hot in the truck but since Nick actually felt warm sitting in it, Gil removed his light jacket and drove home in his short sleeved shirt. When he pulled up onto their driveway Nick was asleep and he was sweating up a storm. It was running down his face and his neck and his shirt was saturated but Nick was blissfully unaware. Gil looked at him and he looked so peaceful he didn't really want to wake him but he, too, was sweating a little: Gil could see the beads glistening on his forehead and upper lip. He had to wake him to get him into the house.
"Hey, we're home." He was quite loud because Nick slept heavily after a treatment and he gently shook Nick's shoulder.
Nick roused himself and smiled at Gil looking at him through his eyelashes. "Hey."
"How do you feel? Still cold?"
"I feel warm on the outside but cold on the inside."
"Then we'd better get you into bed. The shivering lasted a couple of hours last time; so ready to brave the cold outdoors? " It was a hot day but not as hot as it was in the truck.
"I guess. You look like you're melting...you didn't use the air con so I could be warm? I love you Gilbert Grissom."
"And I love you, Nicholas Stokes." Nick looked relaxed to Gil although there just something a little odd about him; as if he was still half asleep but he wasn't. It was strange and Gil couldn't quite fathom out what was different other than to say Nick wasn't quite right.
Gil got out of the truck and went around to the passenger door to help Nick out. But Nick couldn't get out. He had no strength at all to push himself from the seat and twist around to jump down the short distance to the ground. It was as if Nick had become boneless.
"Can't seem to move, babe. Stuck." At least, Gil observed, he wasn't shivering.
"Okay. Let me think about this for a moment." Nick had lost enough weight that Gil thought that maybe he would be able to manoeuvre him out of the truck. Once on his feet Gil would be able to wrap Nick's arm around his shoulders and half carry him indoors. He needed to open the front door. So he did that first and then went back to the truck.
"I feel useless." Nick slurred. Gil was very worried but trying not to show it to Nick.
"You're not useless. Just tired and wiped out by the treatment...it's been getting worse every time...just what we expected. Now: I'm going to move you around and when you're facing me I'm going to pull you out of the truck into my arms. Don't worry I'll easily be able to take your weight." He fucking hoped he would.
He pulled Nick's legs around so that they were almost out of the door and then stood on the car door sill to pull Nick's upper body around. It worked well and, as Gil had anticipated, with some help Nick could move himself. He then stepped back down and pulled Nick's legs out of the truck and then his body and Nick fell easily into his arms.
"So far so good." Gil was sweating even more than he had been but was pleased with the success of his actions. He swung one of Nick's arms around his neck and shoulders and put his own arm around Nick's waist. Nick wasn't completely helpless, he just needed help. They walked into the house with Gil probably taking about sixty or seventy percent of Nick's weight.
"Instead of stopping, Nicky, do you think you can go all the way like this to the bedroom. It'll be easier now we have the momentum."
"Sure. You called me, Nicky."
"I did, didn't I?"
They managed and Gil put Nick on the bed and then undressed him to his boxer briefs and tee shirt and Gil found a long sleeved sweat shirt and some pants and socks. He re-dressed Nick and tucked him into bed before getting the extra blanket and covering him.
"I'll go and get you the hot water..." But Nick was asleep, so Gil left him to go and secure his truck and their house. He drank two glasses of water; he was really thirsty after the sweating and exertion. He went back up to Nick, who hadn't moved and didn't appear to be shivering. Gil decided to take a shower and do some work before going to bed.
He was in the den an hour later when he heard noises coming from the bedroom ...he'd checked on Nick only a few minutes before. He ran upstairs.
Nick was fighting his bedclothes. "Hot. Hot." Nick was mumbling.
"Hold on, I'll get you cooler." Gil called to Nick and he immediately quietened down. "Here." Gil pulled the blanket off and peeled the top cover from off Nick. He then pulled Nick into a sitting position and managed to pull off the sweat shirt, let Nick lie down again and slid the sweat pants off him too.
There was a bottle of water already waiting on the bedside. "Come on Nick, I want you to drink some water." He pulled Nick up again and sat beside him; he was as boneless as he was earlier and hardly awake but Gil shook him. "You must drink this." He put the bottle to Nick's lips and to his relief Nick drank some water. Gil thought he only did it because he was hot and thirsty, if he hadn't been there was no way Gil would have got the fluid into him.
Gil settled him down again and kissed him and Nick mumbled something...he couldn't make out what it was and as soon as he'd said it he was asleep.
He sat on the side of the bed looking at Nick and stroking his shiny head with his fingertips. Without a shadow of a doubt, this was the worst he'd been since the treatment began.
***
Gil sat with Nick for about twenty minutes and then decided to get his laptop and work in the bedroom. He was still planning on waking Nick up every so often to give him some fluids. It seemed to Gil to be more important than ever to keep him well hydrated.
He got his laptop and was about to start some research when he realised he hadn't eaten and that it would be stupid to not keep up his own energy levels when it was obvious they were going into a critical phase of Nick's treatment and he would be needed more than ever. He'd also decided that they would not be going into work that night and that was despite what Nick said or how he was when he woke up.
He went to the kitchen to see what he could find to eat...that he thought he could actually eat. There was nothing...so he ended up with Nick's usual snack...a bowl of cereal. He then phoned Ecklie and told him that they wouldn't be in that night and that he would now take each day as it came because of Nick's deteriorating health. Ecklie was fine about it. Gil then left a message on Catherine's cell alerting her that she would in charge that night.
Gil sat chewing the cereal and forcing himself to swallow and reflected once more on the irony of the situation. The treatment, which was only advisory and not compulsory, was so toxic that Nick had been made sick. He was suffering. It wasn't fair and once more he wished it was him and not Nick.
He managed to eat all of the cereal but it sat heavily in his stomach. He went to the fridge and took out different flavoured juices and ginger ale and took them upstairs to Nick. Nick hadn't moved and Gil decided to give him another hour before waking him and he even considered whether or not his continually waking Nick from a deep sleep was exacerbating Nick's exhaustion. He thought about it and decided that even if it was disturbing him the benefits of keeping him hydrated outweighed the disturbance; he could sleep when he wanted for as long as he wanted.
Gil picked up his laptop and put it down again. He couldn't work. He didn't want to read. He didn't want to go to sleep either, although he thought he probably would sleep, because he wanted to give Nick a drink. So he picked up his laptop again and decided to employ his guilty hobby. An on-line poker game. He logged in and prepared to join a game...he was four hundred dollars in credit...but he always played for low stakes, it wasn't like being in a real game, but it would pass the time. He played for an hour and ten minutes and ended up five hundred and ten dollars in credit.
In all that time Nick had been quiet and motionless but it was time for Gil to wake him.
"Nick. Nick. Time for a drink." He shook him gently and Nick gradually surfaced.
"Hey. Drink time?"
"It is. Are you still hot because I've got cold drinks but I could make you a hot drink?"
"I feel a bit cold. Please could I have my sweats back on?"
"Of course you can. Can you sit up or do you need help?" Gil thought it was the first time he'd gone cold again after a bout of the shivering had finished. He helped him put on his sweat pants and shirt and his socks. "Do you want the blanket back, too?"
"No, I'm okay now, thanks, I feel comfortably warm. Have you got an apple juice?"
"Of course." Gil opened the carton and gave it to Nick.
"Weird in the truck, wasn't it, it was like I was wiped out."
"That's exactly what the drugs are doing...wiping out any stray cancer cells. Destroying any vestige left of the enemy, but sapping all your energy in the meantime. It'll soon be over."
"Do you think there are any?
"No."
"I hope there aren't; Dr Gupta was pretty confident." While they were talking Nick had managed to slowly suck down all of the juice.
"I'm not going into work tonight, so we can watch a movie or a game."
"Yeah, okay. Probably best."
"Yes." Gil smiled at Nick, acknowledging his sensible acceptance of the situation.
"Do you feel hungry? Could you manage anything...an Ensure?"
"What about some toast?"
"Whatever you want...lime marmalade?"
"Yeah. And a tea with lemon."
"Okay. Coming up, don't go away." He smiled at Nick and leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips. Nick eating something was more than he'd hoped for so he felt so much better himself and there and then decided to share some toast with Nick.
"Mmmm...might go to a club later and see what the scene's like." Nick smiled as he lay back down in bed and Gil chuckled as he went off to busy himself making toast and tea.
He did wonder, as he was waiting for the kettle to boil and the toaster to toast, if Nick was asking for toast and tea just because he knew Gil wanted him to eat and drink something. Gil thought that that could very well be the case, but even if he only took a few bites of toast and few sips of tea...it was something.
Ten minutes later he walked into their bedroom with two mugs of tea and a plate of toast and marmalade on a tray. "Breakfast coming..." He stopped dead and immediately had the presence of mind to put the tray on the floor before he ran over to Nick.
Nick was hanging out of bed head first; his legs still under the bedding and Gil could hear him sobbing.
"Nick. Nicky. What's wrong, sweetheart?" He crouched down to Nick and held him meaning to move him upright...but he immediately knew what the problem was. He could smell it...
Nick wailed. "I've crapped myself...I couldn't get up quick enough. Oh, Gil, I'm sorry. I'm sorry...
"...Nick...don't be ridiculous. You're sick and you have no energy, it doesn't matter, we'll soon have you cleaned up."
But Nick sobbed louder. "It's so awful, man...the stench."
"The stench?" Gil was incredulous and laughed, just gently, at Nick. "Hey, have you forgotten what our job is? Dead bodies...decomp... This is nothing is it?"
Nick looked at Gil and it was as if he realised. "No. Not really." He stopped sobbing but was hiccoughing.
"Okay...this is what we'll do. I'll get a towel and put it on the floor and then get you out of bed and take off your sweat pants and tighty-whities. I'll help you to the bathroom, shower you and re-dress you and then I'll change the bedding. That sound like a plan?"
Nick nodded. "A good plan."
And that's what Gil did. Nick's tight boxer briefs had mostly contained the watery faeces; Gil wiped Nick's ass with tissues and then walked him to the bathroom where he wanted to sit on the toilet.
"You okay there for a few minutes while I strip the bed?"
"Yeah, I'm good. You're good at taking care of me, you know that?"
"It's easy babe, you're no trouble at all." Gil kissed Nick again. He washed his hands then retrieved clean bedding. He stripped off all the bedding but there was nothing on any of it...he took it downstairs and started a wash but put the briefs and sweatpants to soak in a bucket.
When he came back up he checked on Nick again. He was fine.
"Nothing now."
"You've hardly eaten anything...just going to wash my hands again and make the bed up and then shower."
"Okay. It was due to be changed anyway."
"Was it?" Nick dealt with the day to day running of the household and Nick would have to remind Gil when bedding needed changing, although it was usually after sex...several times a week. They'd washed a lot of bedding in a couple of years.
"I don't feel too bad. I really could eat some toast."
"That's good. We'll get you all cleaned up and back in bed and I'll make some fresh."
In fifty minutes Gil was back in the bedroom with a tray of fresh tea and toast. Nick looked so much better sitting up in bed propped up with pillows. Gil couldn't quite understand how he went from looking...and feeling...terrible to being, ‘not too bad', almost within minutes.
Nick managed a slice of toast and all of his tea.
"That's the worst thing that's happened." Nick lamented.
"It wasn't that bad...considering our jobs it was a walk in the park."
"I guess. Thank you...not many people would do that...even for a partner."
"I think they would. You do what you have to do...automatically."
"I don't know. I just know that I'm really glad that you're my partner...my lover. You're the best. You know that?" Nick slid sideways into Gil and Gil put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him close.
"I think, Nick, that you must bring out the best in me. I've been a self-centred selfish asshole...man and boy; never had to worry about anything but myself and quite happy about that...but then I saw you...that day you came for a look around the lab...you remember...and I knew in that moment that if I couldn't have you I would never have anyone...or want anyone else."
"I was the man." Nick smiled.
"You were indeed, the man."
"Then why the hell did you wait nearly six years?" Nick asked, but it was a long running joke between them.
"I never do anything impulsive....you know that." He grinned.
"But six years."
"We've made up for it haven't we?"
"I guess." The word was cut short as Nick yawned. "You need to go to that adult baby store."
"The what? Why?"
"To get me some diapers..."
***
Sometime later Gil woke up with a crick in his neck. He'd fallen asleep propped up in bed holding Nick but Nick had slid down the bed and was now using Gil's lap as his pillow. He smiled as he moved Nick so he could slide down himself and get comfortable. Nick hardly stirred just changed position and still, as was usual, plastered himself against Gil.
Once he was comfortable Gil fell asleep again. When next he woke it was to the feeling that he was being watched.
He whispered. "Are you staring at me?"
"Yeah. Worked too...I was trying my wake-up stare."
Gil stretched and rolled onto his back and looked over at Nick who was lying on his side smiling at Gil.
"I'm hungry."
"You're hungry?"
"I said so didn't I?"
"You did." Gil turned on his side to face Nick. "It's the first time you've said that for what seems like a million years."
"It's the first time I've felt hungry for the first time in two million years."
"So what's it to be? Toast?"
"No, man. I'm toasted out. Pasta."
"Pasta; so which sauce?"
"No sauce. I want pasta. Spaghetti, to be exact. On its own, alone with nothing with it." Nick declared.
"Okay. Need to take a piss and then I'll get onto it straight away."
"Take a leak for me will you? I feel really comfortable and so relaxed I can hardly to be bothered to get out of bed. Hey. Before. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise. I had no problem at all with it, you know that and it makes me feel wanted and needed."
Nick chuckled. "It was pretty disgusting, man."
"It was not. It's a perfectly normal part of life...people just don't talk about it."
"So pronounces mister regular as clockwork. Can we eat in bed?"
"If that's what you want to do, then that's what we'll do."
Half an hour later Gil brought two still steaming dishes of pasta into their bedroom and Nick was propped up waiting.
"A bowl of pasta for you. I've added a little sauce to mine."
Nick dived into the food as if he hadn't eaten for a long time...which was nearly true...but Gil was concerned. "Slow down, Nick, take it easy you're not used to eating anything substantial."
"Yeah, okay." Nick replied around a mouthful of pasta.
"Seriously, sweetheart, please take it easy."
"Okay, okay, it's just that I am hungry and this is delicious." But he put his fork down and rested for a moment or two. Then started again but was less greedy as Gil watched him. "Quit staring. I'm behaving."
"It's just good to see you eating and enjoying it."
Nick nodded but then spoke. "The next thing will be vomit...or the other end, you wait and see." He shrugged.
"Might not..."
"...might be!" He grinned. "Make hay while the sun shines." And put another fork full into his mouth and sucked the ends of the pasta into his mouth making an almost obscene noise. Gil laughed and was sure he felt happier than he had for weeks.
As often happens, Gil thought, when you expect something to happen, nothing does. They showered together after they'd rested after their food and then watched an old movie that neither of them had ever seen and Nick was more animated and looked better than he had for a couple of weeks. Gil was so pleased that he'd stayed at home and enjoyed this night with Nick. It was almost like old times...but not quite.
"I've been thinking..." Gil started.
"...uh-uh, this could be bad news."
"No, just thinking about how all our colleagues...friends, have been. Supportive and kind. Ecklie has really surprised me I don't mind telling you...and then they shaved their heads for you. Even the women. Even Sara...don't worry I'm not going to go off at the deep end again. That's some undertaking...and raising the money. I think it's because of you..."
"...me? What do you mean? I am sick."
"No, I mean because you're such a nice...and I know that's a very clichéd word...young man but it doesn't appear you have any enemies or people who don't care for you."
"Hold on. There is the Judge and Mom."
"I haven't recovered from that yet, but they do care...okay, they have a strange way of showing it but since you seemed to think they were perfectly normal, for them at least...I can only be guided by what you've told me."
"It's the Stokes'; we're renowned back in Dallas for being an oddball family and there's...a lot of us..."
"...Nick, what you said about the priest. You were joking weren't you?"
"Being my Dad? Yeah. But my twin sisters told me that when I was real young and I believed it until I had a good talking to from Mom and Dad. The girls were grounded for two months."
"Right." Gil looked bemused. "Do you think we'll be going at Thanksgiving?" He was a little apprehensive.
"I think we should if we can get the time...it will be an experience for you. You will also be able to see quite clearly that you got the best deal...they're all oddballs...except me, of course, and I'm not joking!" He laughed.
"I don't need to have that pointed out to me, I know already."
Nick snuggled up closer to Gil. "You say the best things."
"I have a knack." Gil spoke authoritatively and seriously; Nick spluttered.
"Yeah, okay...don't get carried away, Dr Grissom, or you're likely to slip and fall flat on your ass!"
Gil thought Nick was probably right since he did have a propensity to put his foot in his mouth even if it was entirely unintentional. "True. Shall we have tomorrow night off as well and if you're feeling up to it go out somewhere, a show or something?"
"That'd be great. I feel good at the moment, I really do."
"You look so much better."
It was nothing short of incredible but Nick was much better that night and the next day. He ate more pasta...on its own...had a couple of bananas and some ice cream. Plus all the fluids Gil was still ensuring he drank.
Gil was both very happy and worried about Nick's improvement. Happy that he was better; worried because he thought it wouldn't be long before he deteriorated again. But Nick had said that they should make hay...so that's what they'd do...before the next injection of Bleomycin.
Gil called Ecklie and Catherine and then they began looking around for a show.
"I think I want to see Celine Dion at Caesars." Nick decided.
"Okay." Nick stared at Gil. "What's wrong?"
"Just wondering if you've had some kind of brain storm. Celine Dion? Are you serious?"
"I thought you said you wanted to see her."
"If I wasn't sick you'd tell me to find someone else to go with...what did you say? Hell would freeze over before you'd go to that show."
"I said that?" Gil was trying to keep a straight face because Nick had remembered exactly what he'd said about that particular show.
"Huh-huh. You know you did."
"Okay, I concede. But if you want to go..."
"...I don't, just teasing. I must be real sick though." He added with sarcasm.
"Nick, hey, look at me." Nick looked at Gil and smiled. "You are real sick...but you're going to get better. One hundred percent better."
"I know. What about a comedy club show?"
"Good choice. Picked up a murderer there." Gil saw the name of the club.
"Still okay to go though, isn't it?"
"Of course."
So that's what they did. Nick was really rested and looked so much better. As they made their way out of the door Nick spoke.
"You know I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop?"
"I do know what you mean. But you know what, Nicky, fuck it, let's go and have a night out."
The comedy acts were varied. Some were very funny and Gil laughed heartily but some were dire and Nick and him would raise their eyebrows at one another at the lameness but they were enjoying just having an evening out.
They'd been there well over an hour when Gil noticed Nick rubbing his arm where his port was inserted and frowning as he did so. He left it awhile but kept watching out of the corner of his eye. And then when they were between acts he placed his hand on Nick's left wrist.
Nick looked at him and nodded and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt. The port was covered with a waterproof bandage but below the bandage on Nick's forearm there was a red and swollen patch.
"Come on. I'm taking you to the ER." It was infected.
"Aww, man!" But Nick pulled down his shirt sleeve and finished his soda and stood up.
"I never noticed when we showered so it's come on very quickly and will need antibiotics as quickly as we can get them."
Nick nodded, he knew Gil was right.
As they walked to the truck Nick laughed. "The shoe just dropped."
"I guess it did. But you're still so much better. You're walking without getting tired and you've been eating which, of course, increases your energy.
"Thanks, Dr Grissom." Nick chuckled.
"Sorry. I sometimes need to give a little lecture...just to keep my hand in." He put his arm around Nick's shoulders and pulled him close.
"I could get used to these PDA's. Nice."
"It is. They are. Comforting. Loving. I think I'll keep it up despite shocking Catherine's senses into bleeding. And, of course, Sara has now given us her blessing." He couldn't avoid a heavy dose of sarcasm and got a dig in his ribs from Nick's elbow for his trouble. "What do you think?"
"I'm all for it."
Half an hour later they walked into the ER at Desert Palm. Gil explained Nick's predicament to the receptionist.
"Aren't you with the forensic team?" She asked Nick.
"I am."
"I thought I recognised you. I'll bump you up the queue. And you're gay?"
"Yeah."
"Thought so. Another one bites the dust." She rolled her eyes but then smiled. "Go straight to cubicle eight. I'll get a doctor for you."
They made their way to the cubicle. "You see, Nick, what I said? Everyone likes you, you're a nice guy."
"I am, aren't I? You're real lucky, and don't you forget it."
"I won't." And for good measure he slung his arm around Nick's shoulders again.
***
The doctor arrived about twenty minutes later.
"Sorry. Busy night. Infection in your port?" He was looking at his notes as he spoke.
"Yeah, it's been okay for nearly all the treatments. I only have two Bleomycin injections left."
"Okay. Let's look." He looked at Nick's arm which was ready for inspection and he ripped off the bandage. Nick flinched and they all could see that the skin was swollen and bright red. "Oh yes; I'll take it out, give you an antibiotic injection in your ass and some heavy duty antibiotic capsules to take for five days. Tell them in the oncology suite when you go for your injection. It shouldn't stop the treatment, then can inject straight into your vein in your right arm."
He took out the port very quickly but Nick flinched again. He put some cotton wool on the site of the port. "Hold that for a few minutes just in case it decides to bleed."
"Man, it's sore. Only came on in the last couple of hours."
"Sorry about that; your lowered resistance to infection means it can take a hold real fast. That's why I'm giving you an injection first...starting the fight against it quicker. I'll prescribe some lotion too; it'll help with the soreness and redness."
"Okay, thanks."
"You're welcome. Which cancer are you fighting?"
"Testicular teratoma. Stage one, but the oncologist, Dr Gupta, wanted me to have two rounds of chemo to make sure."
"I'd do whatever he told me to do. Your prognosis is excellent then?"
"Yeah."
"Nice to hear a success story. So stand up, drop your pants and let's get this injection in your ass."
"Thanks." But Nick looked disgusted. But he did as he was told and bent over the table. The injection hurt less than when the doctor had removed the port.
"Rub your ass a bit to make it disperse. I'll get the prescriptions for the antibiotics and lotion." Off he went and Nick fastened his pants and then rubbed his ass.
"The indignity of it all!"
"Worth it if it gets rid of that infection. The speed it took hold just emphasises what they said about infection. Perhaps we shouldn't have gone to that club."
"I doubt it was the club...it was kinda sore when I changed the dressing after our shower."
"Oh Nick, why didn't you say?" But Gil couldn't be angry with him after all he'd been through...so far.
"I don't know. But I do feel better than I've done for a couple of weeks at least and I didn't want to be sick I guess, but that's bitten me...no, injected me in the ass."
"Here, let me rub your ass." Gil hugged Nick and dropped his hands down to rub his ass cheeks...and in walked the doctor. They smiled at one another; they'd got it down to a fine art.
"I guess you feel okay." He smiled at Nick. "Here're the ‘scripts for the antibiotics and lotion. One, three times a day with food and the same with the lotion, three times a day...no need for food...and don't forget to tell them when you go for your next chemo but your hospital records should be updated overnight anyway. I'll put a bandage on your wound. Anything else?" He put some more cotton wool on the wound and pressed it tight with a bandage.
"I'm good. Gil?"
"He hasn't been eating all the time, what if he can't stomach any food but still needs to take the antibiotic?"
"Good point. We say take with food because there is a slight risk of a stomach irritation, indigestion maybe, but it's more important to take the antibiotics than whether you can keep food down."
"I'm making him drink a...lot." He smiled at Nick who rolled his eyes. "And Ensures."
"I'm sure he'll be fine." The doctor sounded very reassuring so Gil nodded his understanding and then thought of another question.
"Is the hospital pharmacy open?"
"Yes it is. Okay?"
"Thanks Doc. Hope I don't see you around." Nick chuckled at his lame joke and the three men left the cubicle.
"You wait in the truck, Nick. Don't want you to get any more infections from being here. I'll get your medication." He handed his keys to Nick.
"'K."
As they drove home a little later Nick looked across at Gil. "I felt nearly normal tonight; you know...it's weird."
"Maybe your body is getting used to the assault. Maybe you're supposed to have good and bad days. But it will be over soon."
"I can't believe how quick it's gone by."
"It seems to have dragged to me." Gil smiled wistfully.
"Yeah, but I‘ve spent most of the time asleep."
"There is that."
"Work tomorrow. If I feel like this I could do some lab work." Nick smiled optimistically but Gil glanced over at him his eyebrows questioning his statement. "It was worth a try." Nick chuckled.
"If you do feel as good I'll go into work but you won't be working. Reading. Whatever. But not working."
"Okay. You know when we get home maybe we could fool around a bit."
Gil laughed. "If you feel that good then that's a definite maybe." He smiled happily and they were quiet for a few minutes and when Gil glanced over at Nick he chuckled some more at the sleeping young man. "Maybe not, then." He whispered to himself; but he was still happy that Nick seemed so much better and that the treatment's end was within sight.
When they got home, Nick was tired and decided to go straight to bed.
"Sorry, man."
"Don't be sorry, sweetheart, you've done more today that for weeks. And you've had that injection in your pretty little ass. It's been a good day."
"Apart from going to the..."
"...it's been a good day."
The next night Nick was still feeling better. He was eating well and taking his antibiotics and rubbing in his lotion and the red and angry infection was clearly responding to the treatment. Nick felt better for having had the port out of his arm and being able to shower without a bandage on his arm.
But when they took their customary shower together Gil noticed something when Nick was washing his own head and face...his eyebrows were thinning...a lot. Nick's eyes were closed while he was washing but he opened them and was letting the water rinse off his head and face and he saw Gil's face.
"What is it?"
"Your eyebrows. Going...nearly gone."
"Susan said they could but how odd is it that it's happened in the rest days from the treatment."
"The drugs are still very much in your system fighting the fight."
"What are they fighting? Dr Gupta said he was certain he'd got all the cancer."
"They're fighting the maybe...you cannot afford to take chances. Turn around I'll scrub your back."
Nick turned. "Do they need shaving?" He was rubbing at them and could see the stray hairs on his fingers. "Are my eyelashes moulting too?" He turned to face Gil again and closed his eyes for Gil to look.
"They look okay. When we've finished we can assess whether they need to be shaved off."
"Okay. Just so you know you're not using your cutthroat on my eyebrows...or eyelashes. Hey, let me jerk you off." He'd noticed Gil had a half-hearted erection.
"That would be good. Here." He put a dollop of shower gel into Nick's right hand and Nick went about his task, nothing fancy but it felt so good to have Nick's hand on him that Gil kept a smile on his face the whole time.
Consequently they had to rush their shower as the water started to cool quite dramatically. Nick, who would normally have had his own erection while jerking off Gil, remained resolutely limp dicked.
"Not much life in little Nick." He lamented as they dried off together.
"Little Nick is undergoing a lot of treatments...plus antibiotics, don't forget. He's resting up."
"Resting down, actually." And they both laughed. "Love you Gil, thank you for understanding."
"Nick..." Gil actually couldn't speak but he hugged a damp Nick to him for a few moments. "Nothing to understand, babe, except how much I love you right back."
As he was towelling himself down he noticed something else. "Hey...my pubic hair should have been growing back shouldn't it...I mean it's a couple of months since you shaved me."
"It should." Gil bent over and inspected the area. "There's no growth at all...so we thought it was the hair on your head that was first to go but in fact it was your pubic hair since it failed to grow back. Unless it did but fell out and it was too short for you to notice. Did you have any itching?"
"Nope. None."
"It probably never started to re-grow then."
"It's smooth, man. I could get to like it."
"You could keep it waxed."
"Yeah, and pigs could fly."
"Just saying."
"If you're that keen you get your own waxed first and then I'll think about it."
"But I'm much hairier than you..."
"...ha-ha...not so keen now then?"
"We'll see."
"A ‘no' then." Nick smirked as much as he could, since he wasn't given to doing that much smirking.
Gil did shave Nick's eyebrows for him because they were thin and patchy and his underarm hair was also falling out so Nick ran the razor over them himself. He thought his eyelashes seemed thinner too...but they'd just have to fall out themselves!
"I look like I should be in a Star Trek movie."
"You look like you should be starring in a movie, you're just that handsome."
Nick smiled at Gil's reflection through the mirror. "You're joking me, but that's..."
"...I'm not joking, Nick. Really, you are the most handsome man I've ever seen. Hair or no hair."
"You say nice things to me." And he turned around and hugged Gil. "Can we stop on the way to work for some fries and a milk shake?"
"Of course."
A number of people at work noticed that Nick was looking better and Catherine hugged him. "Not long to go now Nicky."
"Two injections, is all."
"It's been a journey and a half for you, there's no denying, but you're such a strong guy."
"I wouldn't describe myself as strong...but a guy has to do what a guy has to do!"
"Then you've done it with style." She kissed him on the end of his nose and, ridiculously, Gil felt a twinge of jealousy. When had he become an alpha male ready to fight his corner? With a woman no less! Times were strange there was no doubting that and he sighed.
***
When they'd settled in Gil's office Nick set up his personal laptop; he aimed to catch up with his e-mails. Now that all his family knew...but were under strict instructions not to visit...he was being bombarded with e-mails from every conceivable relative. It was considerably better than the alternative. And he was speaking to his mother on the phone every couple of days...when she called him. That was quite a nice surprise for Nick; he had easily forgiven their intrusion...much to Gil's astonishment...because that's how they were.But now Nick was watching Gil. Gil suddenly looked up.
"You're staring at me."
"Yeah...that was my, ‘look at me' stare...man, they all work!" He laughed and Gil joined in.
"They do. So why did you want me to look at you?"
"What was with the sigh when Catherine kissed me...not that it was a real kiss?"
"You noticed?"
"Come on."
"I...well; I know it's really...peculiar..."
"But?"
"I was jealous. Just at that moment that she was hugging you and kissing you...and I know she's one of our best friends and it was completely innocent...but I suppose we've been so close since you got sick that I resent any intruder."
"Aww, man, that's sweet. I think. Hold on. It could be construed as being possessive. I'm gay...I'm with you in a pretty solid relationship..."
"Only pretty?" Gil was indignant.
"Okay...rock solid. Catherine's not a threat it's not like it was Warrick or Greggo..."
"...are they gay? Are they competition?" Gil was now alarmed.
"No! What's got into you, babe?"
Gil swallowed. "I don't know. I feel...insecure, I think. Only since Catherine kissed you."
"You okay? This is not part of a Grissom behavioural pattern. Half the time I feel as if you're too secure and take me for granted."
"I do not take you for granted." Gil raised his voice.
"You do; you think you have no competition and that you are the be all and end all for me." So Nick raised his voice.
"And I'm not, is that what you're saying?" Gil had deflated and sat back in his chair and took off his glasses; Nick was immediately contrite.
"Man, that didn't come out like it should have...I didn't mean it...not like that. Since I got sick you have paid me exclusive attention. Before I was sick you didn't."
"I don't understand. Are you saying that before you were sick I didn't care...because I can assure you that I did, for every moment of every day?"
"It's difficult to put into words. I know you loved me and cared for me even before I was sick...but sometimes it was just as if you didn't. You'd praise Warrick and Greg, everyone...and Sara, don't get me started, but never me and I did get used to it but now it's like I've had you, got you, your attention, and it's the first time it's been for me...exclusively..." Nick finished quite lamely with the only way he could think of to describe what he felt had happened. He blew out a lung full of air but Gil remained quiet.
"I couldn't show you favouritism..."
"...it‘s wasn't favouritism. It was just acknowledgement..."
"...but how would it have looked before we came out and then afterwards. Everyone would have put two and two together and made about nine..."
"...what about before we were a couple?"
"I explained about that, Nick, you know I did. I wanted you from the moment I first saw you and held you at arm's length all the time, subconsciously at first, and then with mounting desperation."
"Well, when you sigh and get jealous of Catherine on one occasion can you begin to imagine how it's been for me all these years....especially with Sara. And...not forgetting your ‘rock', Warrick?"
Gil stared at Nick. "No." He whispered.
"Just saying, you know." Nick tried a smile but he was about to cry and put his head down. Gil sprang up from his chair and rounded the table and knelt before Nick.
"I am so sorry. Forgive me? Please?" Gil was pleading and holding both of Nick's hands and Sara chose that moment to walk through the door.
"Gris, have you got a moment..."
"No!" He pulled Nick into a hug and rubbed his back and he heard Sara speak.
"Later then."
Nick wept for a few minutes with Gil hugging him and Gil felt sick to his stomach. He knew nothing of Nick's feelings about this until just now. He still thought he'd done the right thing by not praising up Nick but had he gone overboard in the opposite direction praising everyone else to ensure no one could accuse him of favouritism towards Nick?
And as he held Nick he thought that was exactly what he'd done. Nick was easily as good as everyone else and a lot better at some things than all of them. Catherine's evaluations had confirmed that, but he knew, he just knew that he'd failed Nick.
"Nick, you're absolutely right. And it's not because I didn't love you...then or now. You are my life. I think it was just overcompensation. I didn't want to be seen favouring you in any way and in doing that I practically ignored you."
"Man." Nick wailed. "It's not that bad, it's me being hypersensitive." He fumbled for a handkerchief and wiped his nose. "I have been sick after all." He smiled a watery smile and Gil's tears started to flow as he realised that what had been really hurting Nick over the years had come out only because he was sick. He'd have hidden these feelings, his hurt, from Gil for fear of upsetting him. For years...
"You're sick and I've been a fucking asshole...for years. Do you want to go home? I don't want to work."
"Can we? Here, wipe your face." He handed Gil his sodden handkerchief.
"Sure we can." Gil took it and blew his nose.
"Ugh, you can keep that now."
"Come on let's pack up, I'll tell Catherine." Instead of going to look for Catherine, Gil called her on his cell.
"Is everything okay? Sara said Nick was upset...he seemed great earlier."
"Tell Sara to mind her own business. I'll speak to you tomorrow. Bye." He didn't give her a chance to respond.
Back home Nick still replied to his e-mails but sitting on the couch with Gil's arm around his shoulders. Gil had drunk several large brandies and wasn't quite sober. They'd had a talk about what had happened while they were still parked up in Gil's truck at the lab but Gil felt the need to apologise again.
"I'm sorry Nick, for being so thoughtless."
"It's not all your fault; I should have said how I felt instead of letting it fester."
"But you had to become seriously ill before you told me...and that's my fault for assuming..." He chuckled at Nick's wide eyed look at the use of the word. "...yes, I'm using that word in relation to something I've done, assuming everything was okay when it wasn't."
"It was okay, honestly, I wouldn't change a minute of our life together. Maybe at work...well, I would. But maybe you wouldn't have understood my position if you hadn't just felt that bit of jealousy over Catherine."
Gil thought about that and took a sip of his drink. "You're right. I would have dismissed it as histrionics on your part...fantasy."
"You know something?"
"Not as much as I thought I did."
"This cancer could have strengthened our relationship. There are no secrets now. No resentments. Unless you have some?" He chuckled and then frowned. "You haven't, have you?"
***
They went to work the following night and, despite a grilling from Catherine about their speedy departure the night before, Gil said nothing and she was left in the dark. Nick continued to feel much better but his penultimate injection was due the next morning.
All of Nick's eyelashes had fallen out during his last shower and he'd spent some time examining his face in the mirror. He could see he'd lost a lot of weight and with that had come a few more lines.
"I think I've aged ten years...all the fat on my face was padding out my wrinkles."
"You're not wrinkled!"
"Put on your glasses and take a look."
Gil did exactly that and stared at Nick's reflection with Nick. "Can't see it at all...your skin is smooth and although you're very pale you actually look healthier than you have for weeks. You've lost the dark shadows around your eyes."
"Maybe I'll buy some cream for my face...I'll google a good product." Nick was serious but Gil was laughing. "You can laugh but I bet you'll use it yourself if I buy some."
"Nick? Never."
"Wait and see. And don't think I've forgotten about you coming to the gym with me...because I haven't."
"Me? The gym?" Gil looked fearful.
"Yeah...you promised me on my sick bed."
"You sure you weren't have hallucinations?"
"Absolutely." Although Gil saw a shadow of doubt cross Nick's face and he couldn't be that mean.
"I did promise, you're right. But you will be gentle with me won't you?"
"You need some cardiovascular exercise, you're too sedentary...but I reckon you'd be good at bench presses; your arms are very strong."
"Weightlifting. I‘ve always been strong, since puberty. I used to cycle a lot maybe we should buy matching bikes?" He chuckled.
"Pink?"
"How very gay! Come on work...and McDonalds?"
"Definitely. But just so you know it's only while I'm sick."
"Of course." Gil smiled at his lover and rubbed his hand over his head. "That feels so much better than your buzz cut."
At work Nick finished off his banana shake with a smack of his lips. "They're good."
"I don't think they've ever seen a banana, or a strawberry and probably not much milk but I have to agree about their addictive qualities." Gil had had a strawberry shake.
"I think I'm going to watch TV in the break room. Think about your revelations last night."
"I didn't have any revelations or secrets...I was telling you the truth!" Gil was quite indignant. "If I do have any secrets then they're so secret even I don't know them...I have told you everything there is to know about me. The men in my life. The women. What I did at school... college. My home...family. My life with you has been an open book. Years ago Catherine accused me of being a closed book and she said I should share more. She told me a secret...it wasn't really a secret. Do you know what I told her?"
"No, you see you haven't told me this at all."
"That's because I told her I'd got a scar on my ass from ripping the skin open when I slid down an old rusty slide when I was five. You've seen the scar, she hasn't...that was all I could think to tell her that maybe no one else knew."
"Really? That scar can't even be an inch long and is so faded it's hardly there. You couldn't think of anything else to tell her?"
"Oh, yes. But I was never going to tell her the first time I kissed a boy, or a girl, or when I lost my virginity...but you know those things and have done for...years."
"Yeah, I do and I have. Okay, I'll let you off..."
"...incidentally, talking of secrets...you didn't tell me about your parents, now did you?" Gil was joking because Nick could see his eyes twinkling.
"I think my parents definitely come under the need to know basis only." He grinned and despite his weight and hair loss Gil thought he looked really well. "You want a coffee?" Nick thought he'd better change the subject since he was being backed into a corner.
"Please. Will you put on a fresh coffee pot, please, it's probably been stewing all day."
"Will do. I'll bring you a fresh one when it's ready. Hand over your mug..." When Gil did Nick pulled a face. "...growing things again I see. That's nasty."
Gil smiled. "I know."
An hour elapsed before Nick brought Gil's coffee to him. "I was just wondering where it was."
"I never got to watch TV. I've had the same conversation about my health with about five different people...although Hodges gave me a wide birth after your telling off...he's probably still smarting and it's been weeks. He carries a grudge"
"He's definitely been keeping a lower profile around me; probably realises that upsetting my handsome young lover is not the most sensible of moves."
"He did shave his head for me but he's an odd guy with his mother..."
Gil actually spluttered as he was taking a sip of his coffee. "...I've met your mother, do you really think you should be making pronouncements about other mothers!"
Nick had the good grace to look sheepish. "There is that. But I moved out here years ago to get away from the family. He still lives at home."
"I can't imagine what it must be like to live with your mother, as an adult. I never lived at home again after college."
"And your Mom was real nice. It's not...natural." Nick pulled a face.
"I suppose we shouldn't criticise...we all have our little...foibles."
"Foibles. Yeah." Nick laughed...and left Gil's office shaking his head and muttering, ‘foibles', under his breath. Gil smiled at how much better Nick had been these last few days...but then his stomach flipped. He was due at the hospital at eight the next morning.
Half was through the night Nick had to take to his cot as his tiredness caught up with him but he'd done more in two days than he had for weeks and he felt good. His spirits were high as the end of his treatment approached. For Gil it was more a sense that there was trouble just around the corner. He felt in his bones that something would go wrong...he tried not to think the thoughts because he didn't want to jinx Nick. It was this superstition again. He was not superstitious...he kept repeating that in the hope that he would eventually believe it.
At the hospital Susan was really pleased that the infection from his port was almost cleared. She didn't insert another port but injected into a vein in his right arm. It felt to Nick as if they were simultaneously freezing and burning his arm off and he told Susan he could swear he felt the drug racing around his system.
Susan smiled. "Fanciful thinking, Nick."
"I beg to differ." Nick replied with a smile. He wiggled his toes in his shoes. "Look it reached my feet." He laughed with Susan and Gil managed a small, tight, smile. But he felt at that very moment, still in his bones, the sinking feeling he'd had in the night...of impending doom. He was trying to hide his serious humour bypass but of course Nick noticed.
"What's the matter with you on this fine morning?" Nick drawled his best Texan for Gil.
"Nothing. Just feeling a bit out of sorts."
"Are you going down with something do you think?" Susan looked at him seriously.
"No. I feel fine just...I don't know. I wish it was all over...for Nick's sake, not mine." He added quickly he didn't want to give the impression to either of them that he was fed up with Nick being sick. Because that wasn't it at all.
"Hey, babe. It's okay, I understand. I'm the one who's going through it and you're just a bystander unable to take part, just hanging around. I've had to fight it on my own and you couldn't help...I really do understand." He smiled at Gil and put his hand out to him. Gil caught it and kissed it.
"Same old, same old. I wish it was me."
"And I'm glad it's me." Susan had watched the exchange and smiled to herself but then spoke.
"One week to go to your last injection."
"It can't come soon enough, I can tell you." Gil spoke for them both with Nick grinning his agreement.
Nick fell asleep on the way home, but he had been up half the night. By the time they were home Gil was ready to sleep, too, although he wanted to do some work. He helped Nick get ready for bed and made him drink his drinks as he always did and then tucked him in...there was no sign of the shivers...yet.
Gil didn't work; he grabbed a beer and sat on their patio watching the day become sunny and hot. Now there was only one more treatment and then they would be home free. So why did he feel so bad about it all? Was it some delayed reaction? Shock? He had no idea but he was definitely in what Catherine would call a funk. He wasn't usually given to such moods but then these were exceptional times.
He woke Nick when he eventually went to bed to give him another drink and Nick said he felt okay. But a couple of hours later Gil woke and Nick got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom.
"Everything okay?" He muttered.
"Just taking a piss, go back to sleep." Gil was struck at how normal Nick sounded; it could have been any night when he got up to urinate...except that he never did. He obviously had no prostate or bladder problem and only needed to get up now because of the all the fluids Gil was making him drink. Gil waited for him to come back to bed.
"Is there something wrong with you, Gil?"
"No, why?" And that sounded fucking lame to even his own ears.
"You're not yourself. And don't try and deny it...you're not. Is it from out fight?"
"No. No, it isn't."
"Go on..." Nick cuddled up to him in the dark room.
Should he tell the truth and shame the devil? Nick could see right through him so he might as well. "I have this feeling...and don't ask me to describe it because I can't...except Catherine would call it a funk, I think."
"Yeah, so depressed."
"Not exactly."
"Then what exactly?"
Gil thought for a few moments how to phrase it; he didn't want to spook Nick. "I think you're going to get better and of that I'm one hundred percent sure, but I feel as if there's still something left for it to throw at us...you. Like a final problem before you get better. It's a weird feeling and not one to which I am accustomed."
"That's okay, babe. We know...we read, remember, that when the treatment finishes I'll be at my most vulnerable for a few weeks. Infections, sickness...I'm prepared. I'm okay about it and I'm confident that whatever's thrown at us I can cope because you will be right there beside me."
Gil smiled and held Nick closer. "You...are giving me a pep talk. The one who's gone through it all. I deserve a slap around my head."
"Can be arranged, man!"
Nick still ate quite well that night but decided against the McDonald's run before work. He was back to being tired but ‘not needing to sleep' tired, more listless. No energy. Gil persuaded him to drink an Ensure when they got to work. He didn't object. Half way through the night he was able to get a drink for himself and Gil. He was much better than he had been of that there was no doubt.
Perhaps, Gil thought, he was just being over sensitive about Nick getting sicker. But he knew he wasn't. Perhaps it was the forums he'd read on-line that had planted these insidious little seeds of doubt in his head. But whatever it was they were firmly entrenched and would not be going away until they'd been given the all clear.
"Gilbert Grissom, I could hear you thinking back in the break room." Nick brought two mugs into the office. A coffee for Gil and a lemon tea for himself.
"Nick. We have to face facts here." Gil had turned all efficient and business-like and Nick raised his eyebrows at him. "I am not going to feel any better about this until your hair and eyebrows and eyelashes grow back and you're back in the gym and putting on weight and muscle. And you've had the all clear from Dr Gupta. Then these stupid feelings, I am sure will dissipate. Okay?"
"Okay. Now drink your coffee while it's still hot."
"Okay." And Gil's eyes smiled at Nick over the rim of his mug as he took his first sip.
***
Next part of The Enemy.
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