Title: Forever You
By: ButterfliesForHer
Pairing: Cath/Sara angst, hints of Gil/Sara
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own them, or anything else for that matter. Poor little me.
POV: Catherine's
Spoilers: None
Series: 1) Turn Away, 2) Hiding
A/N: This is the companion piece to 'Turn Away'/Hiding.
Summary: Forever is a long time to be with someone. But, without her, forever would seem like so much longer.

***

When I heard the doorbell ring, I never expected to see you standing there.

I thought you'd be with him.

But here you are, outside my front door, that determined expression gracing your beautiful features.

Determinedness that quickly changes to nervousness as I open the door to you.

I join you on the couch and wait, the silence unbearable.

I hate how nervous you look and wanting to reassure you, reach out and tentatively take your hand.

You tense up, and for a moment I expect you to pull away, but let out a sigh of relief when you don't.

It's been three months since I last touched you, since I last held you, and although I should have tried to move on, I can't.

You're all I ever think about.

Finally, you clear your throat.

"When I ended things with you, I didn't tell you the entire truth. Although I know this probably means nothing to you, I feel I owe you an explanation. This has been driving me crazy, and I have to tell you."

You pause, and although there's so much I'd like to say, I remain silent, intrigued as to what you have to say.

"I had to end it with you because Grissom finally realised he wanted me. At the time, I thought that was what I wanted. When I asked him out, and he rejected me, I told him by the time he figured it out, it could be too late, and our relationship progressed, I realised he was too late. I'd already fallen for someone else."

I try to ignore the tiny bubbles of hope that are forming within me.

I don't want to get my hopes up only for them to be dashed again.

"The thing is Catherine, I lied to you when I said I loved him. I only said it to try and get a reaction out of you. The truth is, he doesn't stand a hope in hell because I'm so head over heels in love with you. I had to tell you, so I wouldn't regret not doing it the rest of my life. I don't expect anything to come from this, but I felt you deserved to know the truth."

My head is spinning. She doesn't want him! She wants me! By the time I've gathered my thoughts, she's about to leave, so I run after her, and rag her back to the couch.

"Catherine, you don't need to say anything, I understand."

"No Sara, you don't."

I reach out and take her hand again.

I can't believe I'm finally telling her this.

"You see, I haven't been honest with you either. I've wanted you, wanted us for what feels like forever. The day I found you crying in the locker room, I just wanted to hold you and take your pain away. Instead, I was too afraid, so I just gave you my body instead. But after that, I wanted so much more from you. I wanted all of you, not just your body. Most of all, I wanted you to love me back. So, if you still want to move on from this, then fine. But if you want me, I'm yours. I've been yours for what feels like forever."

You remain silent, and it's driving me crazy.

But then you pull me towards you and press your lips to mine, and it's like nothing else in the world matters anymore.

You push me backwards till you're on top of me, your tongue teasing my bottom lip, seeking entrance to my mouth, which I allow you.

You explore every inch of my mouth, driving me crazy with desire and leaving me breathless when you eventually pull away from me.

I feel tears burning my eyes when I look into your eyes, and see love burning within them, the love I've craved for so long.

You wrap your arms round me, whispering that it's ok, that you understand, that it's ok, and I let the tears flow, releasing the hurt that I've felt for so long, and replacing it with joy, relishing that fact that you love me back.

The next few moments are a blur.

One minute you're holding me, the next we're in my bedroom, slowly undressing each other.

Although I've slept with you many times before, this was like the first time.

Instead of seeking our own release, we lavished attention on each other, worshiping each others bodies.

For the first time, we made love.

And as I lie here, wrapped up in your arms, I feel so complete.

We hid the truth from each other, and it tore us apart. But all the hurt was worth it because now I'm with you I'm more complete than I ever was.

"I love you Sara," I whisper.

"I love you so much it hurts."

"Don't ever leave me again?"

"I can't Catherine, even if I wanted to. There is no me without you."

And it's true. I can't be me completely without her.

Forever is a long time to be with someone.

But without her, forever would seem so much longer.

***