Title: The Right Wish
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Series: 1) When the Heartache Ends, 2) If Only, 3) Drowning Sorrows
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Table: Angst, mission_insane
Prompt: 6, I Wish
Author's Note: Post-ep for the S11 CSI: Vegas episode "Cello and Goodbye", and a sequel to the Greg/Nick fic "Drowning Sorrows". Completely unrelated to the other Greg/Nick series that I write.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Nick Stokes, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Nick sat down on the couch next to Greg, silently handing his boyfriend a mug of tea. They had the night off, and they had both agreed that relaxing and watching a movie would be a good way to spend the evening. Neither of them felt like going out.

He wasn't sure if he preferred Greg this way, or the way that he used to be when they'd first met, Nick mused. He liked the fact that Greg had become more mellow, more mature -- but he had to admit, he missed that crazy kid with his wild hair and colorful shirts.

He missed Greg's happy-go-lucky nature, something that he'd thought would never change. It had taken losing someone he loved to make that kind of a radical change in Greg, Nick told himself. Nothing else could have made him mature as quickly as he had.

Even getting beaten up by that gang of thugs a few years ago hadn't had such an effect on him, though it had given him pause and made him quieter and more composed. But this .... Nick wasn't sure if he approved of how much quieter Greg had gotten lately.

He didn't want the young man he loved to change, not really. Even though it was a good thing that Greg wasn't the same person he'd been when they had first met, this was too much of a change; Nick wanted the smiling, happy person he'd known back in his life.

Greg still smiled; he still had his moments of laughter. But they were much fewer and farther between now; he spent more time in quiet contemplation. When he was in one of his quiet moods, Nick never quite knew what to say to him, or how to snap him out of it.

"What are you thinking about?" he finally asked, keeping his voice soft. He had a feeling that he already knew what was on Greg's mind; Jonah's death never seemed to be far from his thoughts these days. He wished that Greg could get past what had happened, but it would take time.

There was a lot of improvement now from how he had been during those first few weeks, Nick told himself. He had to concentrate on that, and not on the fact that there were far too many times when Greg still seemed morose, lost in thought, wrestling with regrets.

Greg turned his head to look at Nick, a wry smile on his lips. "You know what I'm thinking about," he said with a sigh as he took a sip of the hot tea. "I'm thinking about Jonah. What else? It's hard for me to keep my mind away from all of that, even though I know I should."

"You loved him, Greg," Nick said softly, reaching for Greg's free hand with his own. "Nobody blames you for taking some time to get past what happened. But you've got to, sooner or later. I'd like to say that I wish things could have been different, but --"

"But we both know that isn't true," Greg finished for him. "I know you didn't hate Jonah, Nick. And I know you didn't wish he'd die. I don't blame you for wanting you and me to be like we used to be. But we can't go back to the same way we were. We have to start over. Start fresh."

"I thought that's what we were doing," Nick said, feeling a shiver of fear course down his spine. He'd thought that things were going so well for them; he had put Greg first all of the time lately, making sure that the man he loved was always his highest priority.

"We are," Greg said with a sigh. "And I appreciate all of the effort you're making, Nicky. We'll get back on the right track eventually." He looked over a Nick, giving him a tired, wan smile. "I do love you, y'know. And I want to be with you. But it's going to take me some time to ...."

His voice trailed away, and Nick was sure that he knew what his boyfriend had been about to say. It's going to take some time to get over Jonah. Greg was right when he said that Nick didn't hate the other man, and hadn't wished him dead. But he still resented him.

Jonah had held Greg's heart; Greg had wanted to marry him. It was hard for Nick to reconcile himself to the fact that Greg had found someone to love while they'd been apart; he hadn't thought that his boyfriend would fall in love with someone else.

But that was the past, Nick told himself firmly. Jonah's death had been a tragedy for Greg, but he couldn't keep dwelling on it forever, and Greg knew that. He was trying to pull himself out of that sea of melancholy, but it wasn't easy for him. Nick knew that he just had to be patient.

Eventually, he would have his Greggo back. And the life that they made from here on out would be different -- and better -- than the life they'd had before. It was already better; they were spending more time together, and he himself appreciated that time more than he used to.

"I wish he hadn't died," Greg whispered, his eyes filling with tears. "I know that means that I wouldn't be with you right now, but Jonah didn't deserve what happened to him. He should have lived to be an old man -- and we should have had a happy life together."

"I know, baby, I know," Nick whispered, reaching out to pull Greg into his arms, holding him close and rocking him like a baby. Though it hurt his heart to know that Greg still cared so much about another man, he wasn't going to blame his boyfriend for having those emotions.

"I wish ...." Greg buried his face against Nick's shoulder, his tears flowing freely now as he abandoned himself to sobbing. After what seemed like a long time, he finally raised his head to look at Nick as he tried in vain to wipe away the few tears that were still falling.

"I wish everything could be .... the way we want it to be," he continued after a moment. He took a deep breath, obviously pushing back the tears and making himself speak calmly. "I know that's not possible, but it doesn't stop me from wanting my life to be as easy as it was."

"I understand," Nick said softly, raising a hand to stroke Greg's hair as the younger man rested his forehead against his shoulder. "But we've got to move forward, Greg. We can't go back. The past is over, and we have to keep the good memories with us and make a new life from here."

Greg gulped loudly, then nodded. When he raised his head again, the tears were gone, though his dark eyes still held their sadness. Nick knew that sadness was still going to be there for a long time to come, but he also knew that in time, Greg would get past the worst of it.

This hadn't been easy for him -- but it had been even harder for Greg. This was the first time the younger man had been forced to deal with this kind of heartache, and Nick knew that he was taking it hard. But he would eventually recover. Greg was stronger than he was giving himself credit for.

"It'll get easier," Greg whispered, his voice trembling. "Won't it?" The look in his eyes when his gaze met Nick's nearly broke the older man's heart; he wished that Greg wasn't having such a hard time dealing with this, that he could mend his broken heart quickly.

"Yeah, baby, it will," he murmured, tightening his arms around Greg's waist. Broken hearts didn't mend that rapidly; Nick knew that from experience. It would be a long time before Greg was his old self again, no matter how much he wished that he could snap his fingers and make it happen.

"I'll tell you what I wish," he said very softly, after what seemed like a long time but was probably only a few minutes. "I wish that our life from now on is going to be even better than our life in the past, and that we've both learned from our mistakes, and that we make each other happy."

When Greg raised his head to smile at him again, Nick knew that he'd said the right words -- and made the right wish. And when their lips met, the only wish he had in his heart was that they would always be together like this, through good times and bad, for the rest of their lives.

***