Title: Say It Isn't So
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Series: 1) End of the World, 2) One More Try, 3) Bleeding Heart
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Post-ep for the S11 CSI: Vegas episode "Cello and Goodbye," and a sequel to the Greg/Nick fic "Bleeding Heart". Completely unrelated to the other Greg/Nick series that I write.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Nick Stokes, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Nick slumped over the wheel of his truck, wishing that he as anywhere but here. But he was here, outside Greg's apartment, hoping that his former boyfriend didn't see him when he got back from wherever he had gone on his date.

He shouldn't be doing this. He was no better than a stalker, trying to find out just who Greg was going out with, and to see if he could gauge how close they had become by watching the two of them together. But he couldn't stop himself.

Why was he causing himself this kind of heartache? Nick asked himself. He should be able to let Greg go; it was obviously what the other man wanted, and he'd told Nick in no uncertain terms that there wasn't going to be another chance for them.

It was more than a little ridiculous for him to hang on to a relationship that Greg had insisted was dead. But Nick didn't let go so easily -- and he couldn't help feeling that it was Greg who was making the mistake, and not himself.

He shouldn't think like that, a voice piped up in the back of his mind. He was the one who had behaved badly and hurt Greg; he had no right to expect another chance. He'd let himself be manipulated into a corner by his boss -- but he hadn't had to.

He could have stood up to her, told her that his plans were just as important as hers and that he couldn't put his job before his personal life. But once again, all he had thought about was the fact that he wanted to advance in the crime lab.

Was it worth sacrificing his relationship with Greg to have the opportunity to be the head of the lab one day? Nick knew that it wasn't, but something within him couldn't turn down that chance. His ambition was more important to him than anything -- including Greg.

No, that wasn't true. Nick closed his eyes, wishing that tears weren't lurking so closely and waiting to break out at a moment's notice. Greg was more important to him than any job could ever be. He wanted Greg beside him, not just for now, but for the rest of his life.

He might have screwed that up forever with his own stupid actions. He had known from the second that he had found himself telling Catherine he would work a double so that she could go get laid that he'd made a horrible mistake, but the damage was already done.

Nick couldn't forget the look in Greg's dark eyes when the younger man had pushed past him to head for the locker room; Greg hadn't just looked angry or upset; he hadn't even looked regretful. What he'd seen in those eyes was .... contempt.

He didn't blame Greg for feeling like that. He despised himself for what he'd done, for letting a woman who was acting more and more like an irresponsible slut force him into giving up what was most precious to him. He shouldn't have been so weak.

But he had been -- and now, he had to face the consequences. And he had to know what this man who Greg was seeing was like. He had to know if this was some smooth operator who was just trying to get into Greg's pants, or if the man had good intentions.

What was he going to do if he didn't think this guy was right for Greg? Leap out of his truck and call him out, challenge him to a fistfight right here in the parking lot? Nick sighed, wishing more than ever that he had the strength to start the truck and leave.

If only he could. But he felt an obligation to Greg; something made him want to watch over the other man, even though he knew that Greg was capable of handling himself in a relationship. He wasn't watching out for Greg; he was satisfying something within himself.

That ache would never be assuaged, and he knew it. He'd done this to himself. He had made the worst possible deicison he could make, and now he was paying for it. And he would probably keep doing so for the rest of his life.

He wasn't going to say or do anything, Nick told himself firmly. He was just going to get a look at this guy Greg was seeing, so he would know the face if they ever ran into each other. Maybe he would even get an introduction from Greg, and they could be friends.

No. That was never going to happen. Even if this guy was good for Greg, if he treated Nick's former lover better than Nick ever had, he could never like the man. He would always see this man as having someone he wanted, someone who he'd let slip away.

He'd never be able to reconcile himself to losing Greg, and he knew it. No matter how hard he might try to be friends with anyone Greg dated and let himself move on, he would always mourn the loss of the love of his life. And he had no one to blame for that but himself.

All that he could do at the moment, until he saw Greg get out of this man's car when they got back from wherever they were, was to repeat that this couldn't be happening, to say that it wasn't so, as though that could make everything real in his mind.

He knew that they hadn't taken Greg's car; it was still here in the parking lot, parked right in front of the door of Greg's apartment. As he stared at that door, a thought suddenly struck Nick, one that almost made him double over in physical pain.

What if one of the cars parked in the visitors' spaces in the back of the parking lot belonged to Greg's date? What if they hadn't gone out anywhere, after all -- what if they were there, behind that door, in Greg's bedroom, in his bed, making love?

What if this man had already made his way into Greg's heart -- and into his bed? Greg wasn't usually the kind of person to sleep around -- but as badly as Nick had hurt him, there was always the chance that he was on the rebound, and seeking consolation.

No, Nick told himself over and over, the single word seeming to echo in his mind. No, no, no. Greg and his date were out somewhere; they weren't naked in Greg's bed, their bodies entwined, that man whispering words of love into Greg's ear.

He refused to believe that would happen. Greg might go out with this man a few times, but he wasn't going to sleep with someone until he got to know them well. He wasn't the kind of guy to be on the rebound and looking for sex to drown his sorrows.

He was only going to wait for another twenty minutes, Nick told himself as he squinted at his watch. By then, it would be midnight, and he had been sitting here for nearly two hours already. This was silly; he had to stop trying to hold on to Greg.

They were over, thanks to his own stupidity. He had no right to sit here in the parking lot, acting like he still had some claim over Greg, some reason to watch out for him. He didn't. Greg couldn't be anything to him now other than a colleague at work.

Just as he was starting to think that he had wasted his time sitting here, a car pulled into the parking lot -- and he realized the man in the passenger side. Nick's heart leaped into his throat as the car pulled into a parking space in the back of the lot, and both men got out.

The man who was driving met Greg at the back of the car as they walked towards the apartment door, his arm sliding around Greg's waist. Nick wanted to jump out of his truck and yell at the guy, tell him to take his hands off, that Greg belonged to him.

He had to clench his fists in his lap and force himself not to do just that. He shouldn't even be here, Nick reminded himself. He was behaving like a stalker, albeit one who had Greg's best interests at heart. He had no right to be here, spying on his former boyfriend.

He watched as Greg dug one hand into his jeans pocket for his keys -- and then froze as the two men at the door faced each other. The man he didn't know leaned close to Greg, tilting his head back, brushing their lips together in what appeared to be a gentle kiss.

As he watched the kiss deepen, Greg's eyes closing as he leaned against the other man, Nick could feel his world tremble and collapse around him. Greg was kissing someone else. He'd not only gone out on a date, he was actually kissing this man.

It didn't look as though this was a first-date kind of kiss. No, it was too comfortable, too familiar. This was someone who Greg liked and trusted, someone he wanted to be with. He wasn't being coerced into this kiss. He was a willing participant.

Greg was pressed against the other man now, their kiss deepening into an embrace. It seemed like forever to Nick before they broke away from each other -- and Greg actually smiled at the man and said something to him that Nick couldn't hear.

Now was one time when he wished he could read lips, Nick thought as he leaned towards the windshield, hoping that squinting would help him to see better. But seconds later, he didn't want to see what was in front of his eyes; he wished that he hadn't looked.

That man was going inside with Greg. The door closed behind them, and Nick was sure that it had been locked and bolted. They were more than likely in there for the night -- and he didn't want to think about what was probably going to happen behind those walls.

There was no reason for him to sit out here and torture himself. Greg had made his choice -- and he was obviously going to spend hte night with that man. Even if he didn't, even if his date left before too long and he spent the night alone, he no longer belonged to Nick.

Tonight was proof that Greg had moved on. He had turned his back on what they'd had; he was gone. Gone for good as anything more than a friend and work colleague. All because of his own idiocy in placing his job above his boyfriend's feelings.

"Say it isn't so, Greg," Nick whispered, his eyes on the front window where he could see the soft light of a lamp glowing behind the curtain. "Say you aren't going to fall in love with anybody else. Say you still love me and that you'll give me another chance."

But that was impossible. He'd thrown away his last chance when he'd let himself cave under pressure from Catherine; he had no way of getting Greg back now. There wouldn't be any more chances. What was done was done; his relationship with Greg was in the past.

Nick forced himself to start his truck, not glancing towards the light behind the window again. He pulled out of the parking lot and into traffic, driving silently back towards his own home. It wasn't until he turned into his street that he realized he crying, unable to hold back the tears any longer.

***

Next story in series - Go Your Own Way.