Title: Into Temptation
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Ryan Wolfe
Series: 1) Catch Me I'm Falling, 2) Sparks, 3) Holding Steady, 4) More Than Ready, 5) Talk About It, 6) Confessions, 7) Fate's Plan, 8) Exposed, 9) A Matter of Feeling, 10) Loving Every Minute of It, 11) Street of Dreams, 12) One of Our Own, 13) Cold Storage, 14) Life Or Death, 15) Hole in My Heart, 16) Someone To Pull the Trigger, 17) Every Beat of the Heart, 18) No Promises, 19) Perfect Morning, 20) Everything Works If You Let It, 21) Dark To Light
Fandom: CSI: Vegas/CSI: Miami
Rating: PG-13
Author's Note: Mentions of rape.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Adam Ross, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Greg didn't want to open his eyes; he was too warm and comfortable, lying here next to Ryan with his head pillowed on his boyfriend's chest, feeling that strong, steady heartbeat beneath his ear. Moving would take too much effort, cause too much disturbance.

Besides, the bad dreams were over for the night -- or at least he hoped so. They had been plaguing him more than usual lately, and he thought that he had finally figured out the reason why, even though he hadn't told Ryan about his suspicions yet.

He was fairly sure that the fact of him being physically close to someone, of letting those walls break down that he had so carefully constructed around himself, was bringing the nightmares back. But he couldn't tell Ryan that; it would only make his boyfriend feel guilty.

That was the last thing he wanted. If Ryan thought that he was the one causing those nightmares, then he might decide that, no matter how much they loved each other and wanted to be together, they were better off apart. He couldn't let that happen.

Not being with Ryan would break his heart. He would gladly deal with having the nightmares, if it meant that he would have Ryan by his side. After all, the horrible dreams and repressed memories would go away once he'd had the courage to take the final step and let Ryan make love to him.

Wouldn't they? Greg couldn't help wondering if that was strictly true; he might still be harassed by those horrible memories even after that wall had been broken and he was comfortable having sex with Ryan. There was no way for him to know until it actually happened.

For now, it was enough to be close to Ryan in this way -- for them to enjoy being together, without the added pressure of having sex come into the picture. Neither of them felt that they needed to rush; it wasn't a priority for them as much as feeling comfortable with each other was.

It wasn't that he didn't want to have sex with Ryan, Greg told himself. Ryan was the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen; he would have to be crazy not to want Ryan to touch him, to kiss him, to make love to him. He felt desire every time he looked at his boyfriend.

But desire didn't conquer fear. As much as he wanted to let Ryan make love to him, there was a part of him that wasn't ready to take that final, irrevocable step, to surrender his body completely, even to the man he loved more than anything in the world.

What was wrong with him? Greg thought, holding back a sob. Why couldn't he trust Ryan enough to let his boyfriend make love to him? Why was he holding back? It couldn't just be the fear of what had happened to him so long ago. There had to more to his neurosis than that one incident.

No, he wasn't neurotic. He was merely the victim of a horrible crime, one that he should have talked about long before now. But who could he have gone to? Not his parents, certainly -- and not anyone who he'd known at the time. It hadn't been possible.

Besides, what good would it do to make his long-ago rape public knowledge? The man who had done it was dead; there would be no justice, no satisfaction from seeing him convicted and put behind bars. Any justice he might want had already been served.

Talking to Ryan about the rape, finally getting it out into the open after so many years, had been cathartic for him. He'd needed to do that for so long -- but he hadn't realized that opening that particular can of worms would also free the demons he kept so carefully locked away.

How could he have known that simply telling the man he loved about what had been done to him would set the nightmares free again? They did come back every so often, so at first, he hadn't thought that it was a big deal. Once, twice, and they would disappear again.

But that hadn't been the case. The nightmares had persisted, even when he had been so sure that being in bed with Ryan, curled up in his boyfriend's arms, would keep him safe from them. They had still found him, attacking him when he'd least expected it.

Greg knew that he should tell Ryan, but it was bad enough that his boyfriend was so worried about the recurrence of his old nightmares. And there wasn't any tactful way that he could come out and say that it was talking about his rape that had brought them back to the forefront.

The last thing he wanted was to make Ryan feel guilty. After all, it wasn't his fault that Greg had never found the courage to talk to anyone about his ordeal before. And it wasn't his fault that it was the opening of that particular Pandora's Box that made his nightmares worse.

If Ryan knew that simply talking about the rape could bring on the nightmares, then he might not want them to spend their nights together. When he moved into his own apartment in less than a week's time, their nights of kissing, touching and cuddling might be over.

Greg had to blink back tears at the thought of losing this closeness with Ryan, this feeling of being loved and protected that he'd never felt with anyone else. If he lost that, then he might as well have never met Ryan. There would be a chasm between them that would only get wider.

The thought made a shudder go through his body; as if he was attuned to Greg's movements, Ryan's arm tightened around his waist, the other man's voice soft in the quiet of their bedroom. "Greg, what's the matter? Is it another bad dream? What's wrong, babe?"

Greg shook his head, his breath catching in his throat before he could get words out. "N-no, I'm okay," he managed to say, stumbling over the words. "I was j-just .... just thinking about why the nightmares have started again. And why they keep getting worse."

"It's because you've had to talk about what happened and bring it all back into your mind," Ryan said, his voice heavy with regret. "I'm sorry about that, Greg. But you know, you need to talk about it sooner or later. You've kept it bottled up for way too long."

"You kept what happened to you bottled up, too," Greg said, raising a hand to trace one fingertip around Ryan's nipple. "But not for as long as I did," he conceded with a sigh. "I guess that's the problem. I kept quiet about it for so long that now the memories just want to .... scream."

Ryan nodded, sighing softly as he ran one hand through Greg's hair. "Yeah, I kept it inside -- but it hasn't been all that long for me, Greg. You've had that experience in your memories without talking about it and grieving openly for years. It's bound to affect you."

Greg nodded, closing his eyes and swallowing hard. "Sometimes I wish I never had to talk about it, that I could just keep it all inside and forget about it," he whispered. "But that wouldn't have been fair to you. You have a right to know everything about me, past and present."

"I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me, baby," Ryan told him, moaning softly as Greg's fingertip circled his sensitive nipple again. "I --" He broke off, breathing hard. "If you keep doing that, then I'm going to forget what we're talking about and just kiss you senseless, do you realize that?"

"I don't think I'd mind that in the slightest," Greg said, raising himself onto one elbow and looking down at Ryan with a mischievous grin. "You can kiss me all you want. In fact, you can kiss me anywhere, any time. You should kiss me a lot more than you do."

"Yeah? You think so?" Ryan asked, sitting up and reaching for Greg, pulling the other man into his arms. "You think I don't kiss you enough, hmmm? Is that a left-handed request, or are you just trying to lead me into temptation? You're doing a really good job of that."

With those words, he wrapped both arms around Greg's waist, rolling them over until his boyfriend was lying underneath him. Greg raised both hands to run them through Ryan's hair, their gazes locking and holding, desire flowing back and forth between them.

"Kissing can lead to a lot more," Greg whispered, his tone breathless. "Let's start and see where things go." He arched his body upwards, deliberately making contact with Ryan's bare flesh; he could already feel his boyfriend's erection against his thigh, hard and insistent.

"It can go anywhere we want it to," Ryan answered, his voice soft and full of promise. "You're determined to lead me into temptation, aren't you? You know that all you have to do to seduce me is look at me with those eyes, and I'm completely lost."

"You're more than welcome to get lost in me," Greg murmured, smiling up at his lover. "I hope I'm way too much of a temptation." Anything else he could have said was cut off by Ryan's kiss, a kiss that took his breath away and swept him towards the stars.

***

Next story in series - Covered in Cappuccino.