Title: Tingle
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Ryan Wolfe
Series: 1) Catch Me I'm Falling, 2) Sparks, 3) Holding Steady, 4) More Than Ready, 5) Talk About It, 6) Confessions, 7) Fate's Plan, 8) Exposed, 9) A Matter of Feeling, 10) Loving Every Minute of It, 11) Street of Dreams, 12) One of Our Own, 13) Cold Storage, 14) Life Or Death, 15) Hole in My Heart, 16) Someone To Pull the Trigger, 17) Every Beat of the Heart, 18) No Promises, 19) Perfect Morning, 20) Everything Works If You Let It, 21) Dark To Light, 22) Into Temptation, 23) Covered in Cappuccino, 24) Play By the Rules
Fandom: CSI: Vegas/CSI: Miami
Rating: NC-17
Author's Note: Mentions of rape.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Adam Ross, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Greg sighed softly, rolling over in bed next to Ryan and pressing his body against his boyfriend's. He wanted to wake Ryan up, to spend the morning kissing and touching each other, but a part of him felt guilty about that desire and wanted to sublimate it.

It wasn't fair to Ryan to keep holding him off when he knew that the other man wanted to make love to him so badly. He was lucky that Ryan hadn't given up in frustration, that he was still here and not off looking to assuage his needs with some other guy.

What was he going to do if that happened? The thought of losing Ryan clutched at Greg's heart; all he could think of for a moment was the rest of his life stretching ahead of him, a life that he would spend alone without Ryan by his side.

Panic engulfed him for a few moments; he slid his arms around his boyfriend, snuggling close to Ryan under the covers, unable to keep back the trembling that overwhelmed his body. He couldn't lose Ryan. He couldn't. He'd rather be dead than not have this man in his life.

Ryan stirred next to him, one arm sliding around Greg's waist. He seemed to be able to wake up within seconds, no matter how deeply he'd been sleeping. Greg supposed it was because he'd been a cop; he was used to taking short catnaps.

"What's wrong, babe?" Ryan whispered into his ear, his breath warm against Greg's skin. "I can feel you shaking. Did you have another nightmare?" He nuzzled Greg's cheek, his soft lips traling along Greg's jawline. "I'm here, baby. You're safe."

"No, it wasn't a nightmare," Greg said softly, closing his eyes and burrowing into Ryan's embrace. "I was just thinking about what I'd do if I didn't have you in my life. I couldn't stand to lose you, Ryan. I wouldn't have anything to live for if I didn't have you."

"What makes you think you're going to lose me?" Ryan inquired softly, both arms now around Greg. "I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. You'd have to use a crowbar to pry me away from you. That's not going to happen, no matter what. I'm here for the long haul."

"I know you are," Greg said with a sigh. "But there's a part of me that's terrified I'll lose you because I'm not putting out." He hated to say the words; they were barely whispered, almost inaudible even in the quiet of the room. He almost didn't want Ryan to hear them.

He was ashamed of thinking that way about Ryan, that his boyfriend could possibly ever consider leaving him simply because they weren't having sex yet. Those thoughts weren't worthy of Ryan, but Greg still couldn't help being afraid that his fears might become a reality.

"You can't mean that," Ryan whispered, his lips ghosting along Greg's jawline again. "Greg, that's crazy. You don't ever have to be afraid of me leaving you. And definitely not just because we're not being sexual with each other yet. I'd never do that."

"What if you get tired of waiting for me?" Greg asked, the words coming out almost against his will. He didn't want to ask Ryan a question like that; it wasn't fair to put his boyfriend in that spot, and he knew it. But a part of him had to know the answer.

"That's never going to happen," Ryan said, his tone confident. "No way could I ever not want to be with you, Greg. Even if we don't have sex for a long time, I'll always have the hope that we will. And I couldn't want anybody else the way that I want you."

"I guess that's what scares me the most," Greg sighed, leaning into Ryan's embrace and letting himself relax. "That you'll find somebody else you want more, and you'll decide that you want to be with them because they'll sleep with you."

"Hey, I don't want a relationship that's only based on sex," Ryan protested, shaking his head. "If I left you for that reason, then I wouldn't be a person worthy for you to be with, so you wouldn't lose much of anything. I'm with you because I love you, not because of sex."

"It's not that I don't want to be with you," Greg murmured, feeling relief seep through him at Ryan's words. Ryan wasn't going to find someone else. He didn't want to. And he didn't mind waiting. At least, that was the impression his words gave Greg.

"I know that, sweetheart," Ryan told him, brushing a gentle kiss across Greg's forehead. He pulled Greg closer against him, snuggling their bodies together, obviously enjoying the warmth and closeness between them. "You'll know when you're ready."

I wish I was ready now, Greg wanted to say, but the words stuck in his throat. How could he be so aroused by Ryan's touch, and yet still be scared to take their physical intimacy further? He was annoyed and frustrated by his own body's reactions.

He wanted Ryan. Of course he did. Every time Ryan touched him, there was a tingle all through his body that made him want to melt into his boyfriend's arms; he wanted Ryan's hands and lips all over him. He wanted Ryan to make love to him, to join them in every possible way.

He wanted Ryan inside him, making love to him, becoming one with him. He wanted Ryan in so many ways that he couldn't put them all into words; he wanted Ryan to be a part of him, to melt into him, to be so attuned to him that they each knew every breath the other would take.

But a part of him was still terrified to surrender himself to Ryan so completely. He could still remember how that long-ago rape had felt, the pain that had seemed to spread through his entire body until he'd thought that he was being ripped apart from the inside out.

"You make me tingle every time you touch me," Greg whispered, wishing that he could put into words just how Ryan made him feel. "I want you every time I look at you. But I can't make myself take that last step. I keep telling myself that I'm getting closer, but I don't know if that's true."

"I'd like to help you get closer, if you'll let me," Ryan said softly, one hand moving down Greg's bare stomach. "I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to do, Greg. And I won't hurt you. If you want me to stop, then I will. You know you can trust me."

Greg nodded, his breath catching in his throat, wondering just what Ryan was getting at. "What do you want to do?" he asked, his voice trembling slightly. As much as he wanted Ryan to touch him, he was still a little wary of surrendering his body completely.

"Relax, baby," Ryan murmured, his lips moving down Greg's throat to brush across his shoulder as his warm fingers curled around Greg's cock and began to stroke him. Those fingers were so soft, so gentle, that for a moment Greg didn't realize what was happening.

When he did, he raised his arms to loop them around Ryan's shoulders and pull his lover closer against him, moaning Ryan's name. All he wanted to do was get closer to this man; at the moment, he would have done anything Ryan suggested to him.

His body arched upwards, desperate for more friction than he was getting from Ryan's hand. He could feel Ryan's arm around his waist, holding him close, melding their bodies together; he moved one leg to wrap it around Ryan's, drawing them even closer.

Ryan giving him a hand job was nothing new; he'd lost count of all the times they'd passed entire days in bed touching and exploring each other's bodies, giving each other hand jobs and blow jobs until they were both exhausted. He knew Ryan's body by now as well as he knew his own.

But there were areas of each other's bodies that remained unexplored, and Greg knew that Ryan wanted to know him more intimately. All he had to do was nod, or say yes -- if he gave his boyfriend a green light, then Ryan would move things forward.

He wanted to, but he was still afraid, as ashamed as he was to admit to that fear. There was no reason for him to be so scared, Greg told himself sternly. This wasn't some stranger who wanted to take his body just to satisfy themselves. This was Ryan. The man who loved him.

Ryan's hand on his cock was sending chills through his entire body; the familiar tingle was starting to spread over him, his orgasm starting to uncoil in the pit of his stomach. Within moments, he was going to come; then he would feel completely relaxed and sated.

This was the time to let Ryan go ahead with whatever he wanted to do. Now, while they were already being intimate, before he lost his nerve. Now was the time to try to push some limits, and maybe break down a few walls that should have long since crumbled to the ground.

"You can do whatever you want," he whispered, the tingle seeming to spread over every inch of his body. He was giving Ryan carte blanche, the freedom to do anything he desired. It was past time for that; he should have let his boyfriend take him before now.

Greg gave himself up to Ryan's kiss, to the feel of those hands caressing his body, to anything Ryan desired to do with him. The tingle was turning into a flame; he only hoped that he was making the right decision, and that neither of them would get burned.

***

Next story in series - You Have My Heart.