Title: The Second Time Around
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Greg Sanders/Nick Stokes
Fandom: CSI: Vegas
Rating: PG-13
Series: 1) End of the World, 2) One More Try, 3) Bleeding Heart, 4) Say It Isn't So, 5) Go Your Own Way, 6) I'll Be Over You, 7) If You Could Only See, 8) Before My Heart Finds Out, 9) Can't Stop Loving You, 10) At Close Range, 11) The Sound of Breaking Hearts, 12) One Too Many, 13) Don't Walk Away, 14) Heart of Glass
Table: writers_choice
Prompt: #450, Never look back
Author's Note: Post-ep for the S11 CSI: Vegas episode "Cello and Goodbye," and a sequel to the Greg/Nick fic "Heart of Glass". Completely unrelated to the other Greg/Nick series that I write.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Greg Sanders or Nick Stokes, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***


Nick sighed as he looked over at Greg across the table of the diner; he'd talked the younger CSI into coming out to breakfast with him when they'd left the lab, but Greg hadn't talked much. He was uncommunicative these days, unless he was working on a case.

When he was working, he'd talk about the case, but nothing else. Greg seemed to have left his private life -- and his formerly sparkling personality -- at the door, not letting anything personal slip into his conversation with any of the other CSIs.

Nick didn't blame Greg for not wanting to discuss his private life -- but he wished that he could get the younger man to open up more. He knew that Greg was still hurting; but he also knew that the pain would still be fresh and that healing couldn't start unless he was able to let go.

Greg had to put the past behind him, and look to the future. Nick wanted that future to be with him, but he knew that they couldn't go back to what they'd been in the past. This time, they would have to start over, and he would have to make some changes.

He'd been working on that, and so far, he thought that he was doing a pretty good job of it. He'd turned down a lot of requests to work overtime when he'd made plans with Greg; the only time he did that was if Greg was asked to stay at the lab, too.

He was trying his best to prove to Greg that things could change for them in the future, that he could be the man he should have been the first time around. He needed Greg to know that he was going to be the first priority in his life, for now, and for always. That wasn't going to change.

Nick wanted to reach across the table to take Greg's hand in his; he hated seeing the younger man look so troubled. He was sure that Greg was still thinking of Jonah; he knew that the two of them had come here before. Maybe it hadn't been the best choice of restaurant.

But no, he couldn't think like that. Greg had to let himself get past what had happened; he couldn't let his memories of Jonah and their time together color his future. If he was going to move on and leave the past behind him, he would have to stop looking back.

Why had it seemed so easy for Greg to do that where the two of them had been concerned, and so hard for him to do it with Jonah? This time, Nick's sigh was heavier and louder, making Greg look up at him with a concerned frown and lean forward.

"What's on your mind, Nicky?" His voice was soft, but Nick could tell that he was being wary, keeping his words guarded. Greg had built up a lot of walls in the time that they'd been apart; it would take time to breach those walls and bring them crumbling to the ground.

He wasn't sure just what to say to Greg; he had no idea how the younger man would interpret the words that he was longing to get out into the open between them. But he had to say what he felt; he'd told himself that from now on, he was going to be nothing less than honest with Greg.

Clearing his throat, Nick began to speak, his words hesitant at first, then gaining strength. "I was thinking how you need to leave the past behind you, Greg. You can't ever see the future if you keep looking back at the past. That's a closed chapter. You need to look ahead now."

Greg sighed softly, closing his eyes and leaning back against the padded seat of the booth they were in. "I know you're right, Nick," he said softly, his voice barely a whisper. "But it's hard to keep focusing on the future. I can't just turn around and never look back."

"Of course you've got to look back sometimes," Nick told him, finally reaching across the table and taking Greg's hand, twining their fingers together. "I know that Jonah meant a lot to you. You shouldn't just forget him. But he wouldn't want you to put your life on hold."

Greg nodded, his grip on Nick's hand tightening. "I loved him," he whispered, his voice breaking. "I loved him so much, Nicky. He wanted to marry me. And I wanted that. I wanted to be his -- not just in my heart, but in the legal way. I wanted to be married to him."

Nick could feel a knife twist in his heart at those words; he hadn't known that things between Greg and Jonah had been that serious. But what did it matter now? He wasn't going to begrudge Greg any of the brief happiness that he'd found with another man.

"I know you did, babe," he said softly, squeezing Greg's hand. "And I know he wanted to be married to you. But that isn't going to happen now, Greg. And you can't spend your life looking back at that and regretting what's happened. Jonah wouldn't want that."

"I know he wouldn't." Greg gulped audibly, looking up at Nick. "But it's so hard to let go of the past, Nicky. It was hard to do that with you and me, and it's even harder to do it with Jonah. We had so many plans. I was going to have a future where I was happy. That's all gone now."

"Do you seriously believe that you can't ever have a future where you can be happy again?" Nick asked him, his voice trembling slightly. "I'd like to think that you and I could start over again, Greg. That you might be willing to give me another chance to carve out a future for us."

"I want to, Nicky. I really want to. I know you've been angling towards that, and I don't blame you." Greg's voice was sad, defeated. "I'm not going to lie. I want that. I want to be with you again. I'm just .... I'm so scared. Scared that the same thing will happen again."

"What do you mean by 'same thing'?" Nick asked, feeling a little confused. "Do you mean that you're scared I'll act the same way I did when we were together before? That's not going to happen, Greg. I've been trying my best to make you see that."

But Greg shook his head, looking down at their clasped hands, his grip growing even tighter, until Nick could see how white the younger man's knuckles were. "No, Nicky, it's not that. I'm scared that you'll get hurt. That something will take you away from me."

"Greg ...." Nick was sure that he could feel his heart breaking at Greg's words. He didn't blame Greg for feeling the way that he did; he'd been through a heart-wrenching loss, and it made sense that he would be afraid of the same kind of pain shattering him all over again.

"Baby, nothing's going to happen to me," Nick said softly, wishing that he could know that for certain, that he could look into the future with a crystal ball and know for sure that everything would work out for them. "I can't promise you that, but I can be more careful than I already am."

"I know you are," Greg told him, a small smile fleeting across his handsome features. "I appreciate that you're doing something like that for me, Nicky. And I want to be with you again. I-I think I might have always wanted that, even though I loved Jonah."

Nick could almost feel his breath stop; he was sure that his heart had skipped a beat. "Greg, I hope you never look back at this moment and regret what you're saying. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure that you don't. Baby, don't be scared. You're safe with me."

"I thought I was safe with Jonah," Greg whispered, his dark gaze locking with Nick's. "But I was wrong. I guess you're never safe with anybody, no matter how great you think things are. Life can change in just a few seconds. And not always for the better."

Nick nodded, feeling tears rising to his eyes. He hated knowing that Greg was still so damaged by what had happened to Jonah -- but he wasn't going to accept that the man he loved would be this way forever. Greg was stronger than that. He had to be.

"Whenever you look back, just remember the good things," Nick said, squeezing Greg's hand gently. "I'm betting that's what Jonah would want you to remember when you think about him -- but he'd know that you can't look back all the time, Greg. He'd want you to be happy."

Greg nodded slowly, returning the gentle pressure of Nick's hand. "You're right, Nicky. I can't keep looking back at what I had with Jonah. I have to look forward to what I'll have with you." His smile was tremulous, but Nick could tell that it was sincere.

"So, does this mean that we're back together?" he asked, trying to keep the eagerness out of his voice. This was what he'd wanted for so long -- but he didn't want to achieve his own heart's desire at the cost of Greg's happiness. That wouldn't be fair to either of them.

Greg had to feel that he would be happy -- or getting back together wouldn't mean anything. They couldn't go back to what they had been; Nick knew that. But maybe, if they were lucky, and if they worked hard at it, they could build something even better than what they'd had in the past.

They could never look back on what their past had been -- they had to create a new future for themselves, one that was better than what had gone before. If they did look back on their past relationship, they had to look at the good times, the times that had made them both happy.

They could do that, Nick told himself. They could weed out the good from the bad, and make sure that the second time around, things would work out the way they wanted. He was going to do everything he could to make sure that the future didn't repeat the past.

This was what he wanted, more than he'd ever wanted anything. To start over with Greg, to build a life with the man he loved. Greg still had a lot of issues to deal with, but now that he had someone by his side who loved and cherished him, that healing could finally begin.

He would do all that he could to be the man that Greg wanted and needed in his life, from this moment on, Nick told himself. The second time around would be better than the first had been -- and neither of them would ever have to look back.

***

Next story in series - In Little Ways.